Latest / SisterSmart Leadership / 25: Why Women Have More Fear of Making Mistakes at Work and How it Affects Your Leadership Abilities

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25: Why Women Have More Fear of Making Mistakes at Work and How it Affects Your Leadership Abilities · SisterSmart Leadership

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  We tend to hold ourselves to a higher standard.
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  We know we have to be better to get the success that we're
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  looking for, to get noticed.
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  And this can result in some habits that aren't so helpful for us in the long run.
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  They can get you to the director level, because they help you be a better
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  performer, but they don't help you get up through the leadership levels.
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  I'm Jill Avey, a career success coach, and this is Sister Smart Leadership, the
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  show that explores how women can rise from director to vice president and beyond
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  by fully leaning into their feminine energy as their biggest advantage.
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  Let's get you one step closer to the recognition and promotion you deserve.
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  When I was VP, I ran the most visible customer facing departments in the
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  company, marketing and customer service.
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  And I felt like I had eyes on me at all times.
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  And I really did.
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  People didn't hold back on letting me know when they thought that I'd made
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  the wrong call or that I was missing something that they felt was important.
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  I felt a tremendous pressure not to make mistakes.
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  The reality is, is that the higher you go, the higher this pressure becomes.
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  Many people in this situation do the same as I did.
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  I just worked harder and harder, yet it never felt like enough.
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  It felt like I couldn't do enough to prevent every problem and I couldn't.
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  No one can.
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  It wasn't until I got help that I understood that one person can only
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  do so much and there's a time when we have to let go, but how to find
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  that line, where can you confidently feel like you've done enough?
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  Well, this is probably a problem for every executive.
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  For women, the pressure can be even greater due to gender
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  bias and socialization.
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  This is an important topic because women at the executive levels often
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  burn out due to overwork and not enough harmony in their lives.
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  They take on more and more in an effort to do better, not realizing
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  that more is not the answer.
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  Instead, if we can understand the following five influences, we can
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  work to mitigate these effects in our lives and find the balance of
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  working enough, but not too much.
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  So the first influence is that at times we can feel like we're under a microscope.
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  The reality is is that women get more criticism from the
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  time we're little girls.
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  As we grow up as school girls, we are corrected and set out to be good
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  girls and that can be a big influence for us all the way to adulthood
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  and through our entire careers.
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  As well, women often get more feedback and this is an attempt to help, I
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  think, I really think it is, but they get a lot more corrections and then
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  they'll get a lot of vague advice because people don't really know how
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  to help them, but they're trying to show them the way that they did it.
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  Which leads us to our second influence that we just really don't fit the mold.
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  So if we've got male counterparts or male mentors that are trying
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  to help us, they're trying to show us how to do it the way they did.
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  And that's not always going to work for us.
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  And the reality is, is that we do have to prove ourselves.
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  We are promoted based on performance.
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  And whereas men are promoted based on their potential.
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  So what happens is that when we are leading with our feminine strengths,
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  which is what we're often rooted in, then we have a different style and that
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  people don't always understand that.
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  And they try to correct us because they're trying to help and make us fit the mold
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  that they're trying to, you know, that they came up in or that they're seeing is
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  what is the popular thing in this culture.
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  So that can be really hard because We know we feel like we're not fitting in and
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  then that makes you want to overperform.
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  It's also hard to be heard.
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  So it's a very common thing that women are, talked over in meetings.
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  Sometimes they're not even given a seat at the table.
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  I've had more than one client who has found out that critical meetings are
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  happening without them being invited.
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  In fact, I had one client that walked past the meeting and saw it
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  happening without her and then other times we've had somebody ask, like,
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  why weren't you invited to this?
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  That happened to me in my career as well.
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  And we're often not given second chances.
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  So this is a problem because, you know, if we have a failure, then they can just
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  write us off and say, Oh, well, I guess she's not meant for leadership anyhow.
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  And so this is, this can be something that, that people fear and they know
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  that, you know, I've got to do it right the first time, every time.
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  And so then the next thing is that we might not have as much
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  support from our network as men do.
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  We just don't have as much social capital.
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  And we may have a sponsor or two, but they've got a wide network of supporters.
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  And so that can be definitely a factor here that when you don't have like such a
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  wide network, that's supporting you, you feel like it's all up to you to perform.
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  And our final thing is that we tend to hold ourselves to a higher standard.
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  We know we have to be better to get the success that we're
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  looking for, to get noticed.
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  And this can result in some habits that aren't so helpful for us in the long run.
• 5:06
  They can get you to the director level, because they help you be a better
• 5:09
  performer, but they don't help you get up through the leadership levels.
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  And so the first one is control.
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  So often I see people over controlling and trying to make sure
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  that every single thing is right.
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  And we can go overboard with that.
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  So it's good to have control, but we can go overboard with it.
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  As well, perfectionism.
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  Perfectionism is hard because we're trying to control as well, but it's the,
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  it's the thing that makes us want to get everything right to the nth degree.
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  And so when we're caught in perfectionism, the hard part about that is that
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  it's really hard to gain followership because people don't want to follow
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  someone who is, nitpicking them or, you know, looking over their shoulder
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  or afraid to delegate to them because it degrades our trust with our team
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  and it, it also is hard for people to feel confident under a perfectionist.
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  So that's one we really want to avoid.
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  And then there's also that inner critic voice that can get really loud.
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  And this can help us to want to overperform when we're, um, when
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  we're feeling that inner critic voice.
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  So all three of these, the controller, the perfectionist and the inner critic
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  voices, those are all forces that have us working harder and harder and harder
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  to make sure that we don't make any mistakes and that everything is right.
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  And so what we don't want to do is carry this with us into leadership.
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  We need to be able to figure out what it is that we can do to
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  loosen the reins a little bit.
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  So in the sister smart program, we work a lot with these saboteurs
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  that I was just talking about.
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  And so we can shift them so that instead of having them hold you
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  back, they can help you grow.
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  And if you could go back to episode 15 in my client interview with
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  Jenny, she talked a lot about how this work made her more effective.
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  It was really one of her favorite parts.
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  So then there's also something that, We want to be aware of when
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  we're thinking about, whether we're going to make a mistake or not.
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  We want to make sure that we're not on a glass cliff.
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  So this is a situation where women get offered different experiences or
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  different opportunities that it's like when the company is in really bad shape,
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  then this woman CEO is picked because they don't have anything to lose.
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  And what it does is it sets us up in a much more difficult situation to succeed.
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  So we want to be careful and know that when we're taking a glass cliff
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  opportunity, so this is an opportunity that's going to be a lot more difficult
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  to succeed, but , it could be a chance that you might not otherwise get.
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  And so I have one client who took one of these challenging roles and
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  she's made amazing results out of it.
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  She knew she was having one of these glass cliff opportunities.
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  And she knew that she had the skills to do it and she had the confidence in herself
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  and she knew that she could really turn around this team and she really has.
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  And they were, they're already setting goals just after her being
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  in the role for less than six months.
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  So this is something that can be career limiting if it doesn't go
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  well, but it can also give you that break that you were looking for.
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  I had one of these opportunities early in my career and I'm really
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  glad that I took it, but we just want to go in with really open eyes.
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  So often women aren't as willing to take risk for several reasons,
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  but failure is harder for women.
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  And, you know, we just don't have as much social capital.
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  And when I did the research, when I was developing my program, the women
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  that I talked to, , often said that they take failure harder than they see
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  other people taking it around them.
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  You know, we feel things deeply a lot of times, and it can just be harder for us to
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  recover and to bounce back from failure.
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  So we have this whole module in our program that's devoted to
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  becoming friends with failure.
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  So it's such an important part of becoming a successful leader is that
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  you really do have to be able to make mistakes and be able to explain those
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  mistakes and bounce back from them.
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  And so next time you catch yourself worrying about making a mistake or,
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  the worst case scenario or messing it all up beyond repair, ask yourself if
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  any of these factors could be at play.
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  See where you can go a little bit easier on yourself, rally your support
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  system and push beyond the limits to see how perfect you really need to be.
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  So I want you to join us in episode 28, which is a few episodes down the road.
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  So stay tuned with me because we're going to talk about how to assess
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  risks so that you can more easily know when to put yourself out there.
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  Pushing the envelope a little bit and stepping into your bigger self.
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  So at the end of every episode, I like to suggest three shifts that you can make.
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  So the first shift that I'd like to suggest for you when it comes to making
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  mistakes is to loosen your grip a little.
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  Look for the places where you are exerting too much control, too much
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  perfectionism, where your inner critic voices are taking over and telling
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  you that you're not enough and loosen your grip a little in those areas.
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  Embrace being good enough is my second shift for you.
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  This is a really important topic, especially for our perfectionists
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  out there that good enough might be a hundred percent or 120%.
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  That might be what good enough has to be in this situation.
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  I'm launching a new product.
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  Like I'm going to give that my all, but sometimes good enough is 40%.
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  Sometimes it's 60 percent and sometimes it's 80.
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  So figuring out what good enough is in each situation, you can
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  dial back some of that overworking that tends to burn us out.
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  And our third shift is to see how much less you can do in increments, so I
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  don't want you to just drop off the cliff and, you know, stop doing everything.
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  Of course you're not going to do that.
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  And so, when we're thinking about good enough, I want you to just go in small
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  increments and start, just start just pulling back a little at a time saying
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  no to this little thing and no to that little thing and see how it goes and find
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  out where the boundaries are for you.
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  It might be surprising for you that the boundaries of what you can and
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  can't get away with or, you know, what is actually fine are really
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  different from what you thought.
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  Okay.
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  So where can you loosen your grip and embrace good enough?
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  Share one idea in the comments if you're watching this on YouTube
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  to inspire others to let go too.
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  And if you'd like to hear more about the Sister Loose in leadership process
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  that I mentioned today and how that might work for you, I would love for
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  you to download my private podcast on the seven step passport to promotion.
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  You can find that on the sister smart.
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  com website and the link will be in the show notes for you.
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  And if you want to dive deeper into women's leadership, how to
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  move up in your career, subscribe either on YouTube or wherever you
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  listen to your favorite podcasts.
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  I'm on a mission to help more women get into leadership and stay there.
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  And if that's aligned with you, I'd love to have you be part of
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  this community and tune into more episodes of Sister Smart Leadership.
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  from director to vice president and beyond, hit that subscribe button so
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  you'll get all the episodes to come and check out the recommended video here
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  to see how women are rising up without playing by the old rules that built these
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  male dominated industries and systems.