Latest / Pete Vs Anxiety!!!!! / Energy Meets Therapy

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Energy Meets Therapy · Pete Vs Anxiety!!!!!

• Pete "Da Common Denominator": Welcome into another exciting episode of Pete First Gaza. Before we get started today, let's give a shout-out to my partners over at PsychPal. Guys, I have a link in the description of this episode. ⁓ go click on the link, get your seven-day free trial. Use the code PET at checkout. Get yourself 20% off the first month subscription. With that being said, my guest today is the owner of Mind Over Borderline Therapy. She's a registered psychotherapist. She has a master's in counseling psychology. Please welcome in the one the only Melanie Goldman. Melanie, thank you so much for being here. I know this has been a long time coming, man, but I'm excited to have you here. Melanie: I know. I'm so excited to like hang out with you, my buddy. ⁓ yeah, I know. I feel like we are just always like, we have to meet, we have to hang out, and now we get to do it. ⁓ yeah. So exciting. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Right. Right. So Melanie, for everybody that doesn't know who you are, give them a little shout out. I know you're associated with with Zanny from the BPD bunch. I know that's how we connected originally because when I interviewed her, she was fantastic. We had a great time with her. So why don't you let everybody else know a little more about yourself? Melanie: Yeah. I always go, ⁓ no, how long is my intro supposed to be? ⁓ so about a decade ago, I was diagnosed with BPD and a whole amalgamation of who knows what from depression and anxiety and binge eating and a few other things. And kind of from there I decided I'm going to go on a journey to figure this out. It was very scary in the beginning of it. And so I kind of went through DBT, went through Different therapists went through different groups, and it was very scary in the beginning. I talk about this on different podcasts. So to kind of not bore everybody, I believe truly in individualized healing and individualized care. And so on that journey, I went through a shit ton of different experiences for myself. And it wasn't just about DBT, but in the beginning, from different therapists and where I was from, I had to figure out what did that mean for me in a world that did not accept BPD and still, let's be honest, does not really. And ⁓ Pete "Da Common Denominator": I don't think they understand what it is still that even though we have these great things like cell phones, you know, we don't use them for things like that. We don't look up to see what it is people like yourself deal with, you know. And I think the the great thing though was when I found the BPD bunch was it was interesting because you showed that everybody has different symptoms of it, you know, like not everybody has the same thing, and that's a big thing for me. So for people to understand, it's just because you may have the same diagnosis as I do, it's it's different for people, you know. I mean, like for you, it's different, for me, it would be different, for somebody else, it's different. Melanie: Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": And and I love that. That's what I loved about the whole thing when we first met Zanny, because I was like, you know, hey, listen, would you be interested in coming on, talking about it? Because then a lot of people knew what that was. Hell ca didn't even know what it was really that much until somebody had said something to me about it in the beginning of the show. ⁓ and then we had Dr. Jen Bellinger, the the one of the experts in BBT come on and things like that. So it was really fun to have her on. And then ⁓ we had Zanny come on and talk about it too. And it was interesting what the whole concept was just like showing people that, you know, just because you have the same diagnosis doesn't mean you deal with the same things. Melanie: Not at all. And I really stress that to people. I stress that not just in recovery journey, in the fact that it's not just a BPD thing. This is an everyday thing. And we look at everybody's lives through such a thin lens and such a thin perspective. And you just mentioned phones. Let's be honest about phones. They can be such a beautiful thing, but the it's such a disaster. We live through such a minuscule perspective of what life could truly be when we just step outside of a phone. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Melanie: It's beautiful you and me could connect on a laptop or a technological advancement like this, but at the same time, let's step out of it and really feel. And half the journey with anxiety and the symptoms of BPD is feeling versus thinking. And what we use with our thinking brain is such a small perspective that we are all the same. We are not even close to the same. Not even whether is a diagnosis, an individual perspective. And so I try to not challenge people, because challenging somebody is actually degrading for a person with a diagnosis. I try to help them and I try to zoom back in that perspective and say, hey, maybe just like dialectic therapy, we try to see a path of two things opposing and can we look at the middle of this? I try whether it's dialectics or whether it's just spirituality or whether it's perspective change. What is it that is really supporting your opinion that has to be this way? Why? Why is it that way? And are we so gung ho on keeping it that way because it's very scary to live in a happy way because we've only known this way? And honestly, this isn't a BPD thing. A lot of people, and this isn't to put them down, are comfortable being uncomfortable. It's more comfortable to stay that way. It's comfortable. I'm used to it. I don't see it any other way. And I'm like, okay, that's fine. Let's go with that for a bit. So Pete "Da Common Denominator": So my question though to you now is gonna be is that psy psychology has always been a big thing for you? I mean, because I know you recently found out it wasn't right away you knew that you had B D, you found it later on though, but you have you're a registered psycho psychotherapist, you've masters in counseling psychology, you've got an impressive resume, needless to say. And then mind over borderline therapy, you have a plethora of different things that you guys offer there, which is really cool to be honest, because you cover a lot of things, so Melanie: Yeah, I mean, so it's funny, people will ask me that because that's a really good question, actually. when I was a little girl and growing up, I was always what my family would call therapizing people. I don't love this word, like it's stigmatizing in itself to most counselors like I'm not therapizing you, I'm just giving you some advice, I swear. And so I've always been doing that my whole life or coaching. ⁓ it was just for me. I was always affiliated with music. I was in the music industry most of my life or at industry. I was doing prof what you would call more professional singing or putting out music. And then in the interim, I did do my honors ⁓ in psych at Western. And I was like, I think I'm gonna become a counselor, but I'm probably too dumb. I'm probably too this. I'm probably too at the same time of doing music. It was this moment, and we all have revelational moments. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Melanie: That I really realized when somebody said, I think it was, I was thinking about becoming Linehan certified, and I realized I didn't want to do that, but I wanted to work with people with BPD. No shade to anybody who's a BPD coach. I just really saw that I wanted to be able to bridge becoming a psychotherapist as well as being able to work with certain certain ethical obligations. I needed to become a registered psychotherapist under the CRPO. And with just doing coaching that held a lot of ethics back and the questions you get. I don't love rules and obligations. Look at me. Do I look like somebody who follows all rules and obligations? I'm really against the grain. But at the same time, too, with coaching, it left me with a little very little room to be able to work with the clientele I wanted. So while doing music and going through so many different system changes, I was like, I gotta make a quick decision. I don't believe in age, but Pete "Da Common Denominator": Right, exactly. Melanie: People kept saying, You're getting older. You're getting older. Just like the Jewish, my Jewish family, you need to have a kid soon. I'm like, Okay, fuck off everybody. So it got to the point where I was like, I gotta I gotta make some decisions here. And one was go back to school. And this was during COVID. And so I was gonna go to in person. I was like, fuck that, I'm not going to school in person. ⁓ y that was scary too. But I ended up going to online school. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Yeah. Ha ha ⁓ I bet with COVID especially. So, you know, because COVID brought a lot of people's, you know, mental disorders forward too. A lot of people didn't realize it because they were so busy to because that's how they were basically ignoring it, because they like, Well, I'm too busy to even think about this. And then when they were stuck being in isolation, a lot of things came out and a lot of people were just like, ⁓ well, now I have all these problems. What do I do with them? And you know, in in that same sense, somebody asked me to send another interview, said, like, how do I feel about people Melanie: Yes. Pete "Da Common Denominator": that with their diagnosis. I'm like, my thing is that I don't like people that take their diagnosis and act like it's a crutch. It's like it's just something you deal with. It's not identifying you as a person. You know what I mean? You're still me I'm still Pete, you're still Melanie. You know what I'm saying? Just because we deal with certain things doesn't mean that identifies me as a person. And I I really think that people sometimes take and run with it, you know, and I just I don't like it 'cause it just leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Because people always associate like people with BPD as being very difficult to deal with. I'm like, but Did you really take time to look at the other side of the coin to see if that person deals with or how to better support them as a partner? Probably not. Honestly, most of them didn't. They just thought that, ⁓ they're just difficult, this and that. But is it really that you're being difficult or is it that you didn't take time to understand the other side of the coin, which being a good partner would be one of those things to do? Melanie: And I mean, I love what you're saying, and there is a truth to everything. There are some difficult people. And this is where I talk about, I make this analogy sometimes, and I don't worry about what people think within the community. And I say that's the lived experience part of me where I get to use it to my advantage. But I have to say there's a truth to everything, right? If I'm in a partnership and I pretend that my BPD symptoms, especially where I am in my journey, Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Melanie: Right in the beginning or in any partnership, like I pretend they're not a thing, and I walk around like my shit don't stink and my abandonment issues and my rejection sensitivity issues and all this stuff is not spilling all over my partner and he's not feeling and he doesn't matter. Then I'm not pretending it's not a burden for the people around me. So there's accountability to all of it. So I say don't get offended by the things I'm saying. Understand your symptoms, understand the diagnosis, but don't Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Melanie: Like you're saying, don't use these things against me like a crutch, like you know who I am. Can you understand the symptoms you're individually dealing with? Because like you, Pete, like me, Melanie, we're all individually dealing with stuff. So stop walking around like the world's not masking. We all walk around like, ⁓ I miss perfect and I miss no, you're not. Let's open up that door. No, you're not. You're feeling rejected. We all have these unconscious belief systems that are haunting us. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Melanie: So what is it? So yeah, I understand, don't use it as a crutch, but use the symptoms to understand how to alleviate your freedom from it. So what I mean by the analogy is for example, am I in a movie scene and everybody else is around me and they don't matter? There were many portions and many people who have the diagnosis, like you're saying, they're not understanding and coherent. And that crutch is like whether it's, ⁓ poor me, no. There are people around you who are supportive. There are people around you who are also suffering from it. They're also feeling your intensity so much. And they're feeling all of this. So there's so many sides to the coin, right? Cause let me ask you a question. Let me ask the interviewer a question. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. Let's go it. Let's do it. Game on. Melanie: It's like we suffer from anxiety, right? Does that not affect the people around you too? And we have to own this, right? Because we don't know how to deal with the symptomology. Then it also the people who love us are going, I'm here for you, but I'm also feeling it. It's called co-regulating. We co-regulate with our partners. And if our par partners are also feeling anxious, it's because what energy is felt. So I know if my partner's anxious, what's gonna happen to me? Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Melanie: I'm anxious as fuck too. So we gotta know together how to work with each other. So it's it's almost like, yes, a crutch is one thing, but how can we work together so we don't shame each other into a disastrous mess here? Hmm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Yeah, very good point. Yeah, really good point there though. You know, and I don't think a lot of people think of it like that though. You know, they just see it as, ⁓ they're being difficult or they just don't understand. Like, you know, one has mental health systems and the one other one doesn't. But you know, a lot of times we forget about the person on the other side of the coin too, the one that's having to deal with them. You know, I I feel like we don't get ourselves educated enough and we don't educate enough people on mental health disorders just So people understand, like these are things that people deal with, you know? And stop demonizing people for some of these like really scary ones, like, you know, it it just it's it's really makes me dishearten little bit 'cause then you see people get like go out and start sharing their stories on the internet. Very bad place if you you're not okay with criticism because we all know it's a terrible it's a hard place to be, man. You know, and the things these people say to people just it's just disgusting. It's like You don't understand, so then we're gonna judge somebody for that? Like, come on, man. Like, stop stop giving these guys a hard time for saying something. It's the same thing with alcoholics though, you know? Anybody any any kind of addict that's coming back from it, like they still treat people like trap, but they don't understand that these people are not the same person they were before. They're trying to do better, you know, and your constant put downs aren't helping them. Melanie: No, and I it's so interesting you brought this up. ⁓ I was dealing with this with a client today. We are talking about emotional capacity to move on when the people around you are projecting their emotions onto you, and you almost feel some people feel guilty for feeling joy in the face of other people feeling pain and being like, How can you feel happy while I'm feeling this way? or And and how can you hold space for people and feel pain? And it's like if you think about it, at the same moment a baby's being born, a baby is dying. And what I mean by that is there's this two late levels of consciousness are always happening. And it's a beautiful mess, this world. And what I mean by that is we're holding ourselves always like e Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Melanie: Like all the time, I have to feel guilty because somebody else's shtick is holding me there. But the point is that I'm really trying to make here is somebody else's inability to feel because they're uncomfortable feeling, or they tell you how to feel, when you know deep down in your heart, that's not right. We all have this intuitive, emotional capacity. Just because you're a deep feeler, you're deeply sensitive, doesn't give somebody else the right to take that away from you. And just because that system has been going forever, whether it's your parent, your sister, somebody who's 20 years senior to you, they might not have the right method. And we're so quick to dismember ourselves and entangle ourselves into a mess because somebody told us so, or because somebody projected that emotion onto us. So, this is where I always talk about higher levels of discernment. Where are you getting your information? Why aren't you allowed to feel joy just because they projected that onto you? This is where it's very important for boundaries, important to know your own self, own self love in the capacity that holding space for somebody else, but also you're allowed to give yourself permission, permission to be joyful, permission to feel and move forward. Because the whole world, if they could have it their own. Their way, if they were suffering, and people, they'd be like, no, don't. This is how I feel. And and that's not fair. Because that's it's just nobody knows. Again, that remember we bring it back to that first conversation. It's a screen, thin line to what you really know somebody's dealing with and how they got to that joy, and how much pain they're really dealing with as well as that joy. So if you're a go fucking smile, Pete, if you want to. If someone's trying to project onto you, or you're a recovering addict and they are too. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Right. Exactly. Right. Melanie: Just because it's their opinion, just let them. Like Malrama, just let them. You know what I mean? So Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. No. No, I agree. I agree a hundred percent with you. Though I did want to ask you though about the BPD Society of British Columbia and Emotional Emotions Matter. That's really interesting. What is that exactly? Melanie: ⁓ the founder, like Deb and Bailey, have you have you met them? They'd be awesome. You could talk to them and ⁓ well I'll in I'll after this, I'll introduce you like to them and then you can connect with them. They're a nonprofit. ⁓ yeah, and they run support groups, they run DPT skills groups, they have parents and ⁓ and people with BPD support groups. Fantastic. They're out of Canada, virtual support groups. Pete "Da Common Denominator": I don't th I don't think I have met the I don't think I've met him yet. I'd love to. Awesome. Melanie: And I also volunteered for them for a bit, but I volunteered for Emotions Matter, which is ⁓ virtual as well. An another n NGO, a nonprofit. ⁓ all great. But I'll introduce you guys, I'll connect you. So yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": That's heck yeah, that's awesome. No, no, but I like I d I wanted to go off topics just right a bit for that because I was just curious. But I mean, like like I said though, like your mind over matter therapy practice, like you've covered so many things, Millie. Why what what what bit did you do this? Was this just things you just discovered over time? You were like, All right, well, this would be kinda cool to add in to to kind of branch out to cover more things, you know, because some people specialize in only certain things, but yours ⁓ seems to cover a broad range of things. Melanie: I basically ⁓ when I what I deal with mainly, my niche obviously is specializing in treating individuals with the diagnosis or the symptoms. So if somebody comes to me, they're they've been dealing with the symptoms that fall under. Because I also dealt with depression and anxiety and ADHD, there are things I'll I will not deal with and I will either lead those people to go elsewhere. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Melanie: But also with my spiritual practices, those aren't things that I'm doing within mind over borderline. Those are things I train in and do on my own time. And people are always laughing because when I do those things, it's supposed to be for me time and hobbies, but they also fall under psychology psychological assessment. They also fall under training. It's like, when do I just take a break? And that's been a huge thing for me. I should probably be breaking. Then sitting on Sunday, I did. 10 hours of training and dream work sh shamanic training. And it's like, yeah, and it's like I'm sitting there training on a Sunday instead of just relaxing. I really like using, I I would say we all have gifts. It's like for you speaking and using your brain and using your mind and your body. I it's been hard for me using my voice. It's been hard for me just to kind of sit there, right? Pete "Da Common Denominator": That's interesting. Melanie: My husband's like, There's gotta be days and seasons where you rest a bit. I I like to keep active and like to keep moving my brain cells and stuff. So yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. So so let's dig into the spiritual thing a little bit. I know you you mentioned it. Is it something you've always been big into, or is it something that you kind of fell into? Because not a lot of people don't really understand that realm. And I've I've had a few guests on that talk spiritual. I love talking about these things because it's interesting because you get to learn new things. You know, you get to explore new paths. You know, I remember when energy healing was introduced to me. I had no idea what that was until then. And then I find out I'm energy sensitive, you know, so they went down that rabbit hole. You know, and the spiritual thing I think is interesting because a lot of people always want to give it a label for something, but I think it's really interesting the the way it works for a lot of people. You know, a lot of people see a lot of great things that come out of these these different practices that they've done. So what what has your experience been like? Melanie: ⁓ it's been a mixed bag of a lot of, it's funny, you'd think I'd get a lot of stigma within the VPD community. I've gotten a lot more from people that you would think would be more accepting. When you come from, you have to hide more than you'd like to, right? It's like even I'm holding Lemurian crystal and my crystals here, but it's it's hard. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Mm-hmm. Melanie: It's hard for people I okay, so let me explain this to you so I don't chopple on my throat chakra here and go, voa. ⁓ Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Melanie: The mixed bag of signals I get, people will think I know everything about a person because of what I see. Because Mel, there's Mel B P D, Mel this, Mel that. However, there's been portions of my life that have been completely taken away or mis dismembered because I've had to learn how to let go, let God, I've had to learn how to surrender. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Melanie: Again, higher levels of discerning what I can share. Like, for example, this is an open podcast. What can I share? What is safe? No, with you, but what is safe to the outside world, right? What is safe to give out? What is safe to share? Even shamanism being one of the most ancient and oldest practices, people don't even know you can't call yourself a shaman. I would never even say I'm a shaman, I'm a shamanic practice. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Pretty much whatever you like. ⁓ no, I getcha, yep. Melanie: Practitioner, they're the use of tools. And even to train and do things like that, and to be able to be trained in journeying and divination, people hear these words and automatically they think of things like terrible. And that's actually on a very beautiful thing. I help heal and retrieve and journey and get people places closer to receiving help through trauma, healing parts and places like lower world, places that they can't get to. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Melanie: It's stuff I do in everyday talk therapy, but it's it's very hard for people to connect to these types of places or for them to believe. It's like I read a quote today, Corinthians. It doesn't even have to be from the Bible for anyone to understand what I'm about to say. So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body, we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. So basically, for anyone To understand anything that in a collective sense that I've dealt with my whole life, they've always had to be seeing it in real life. I need to see this. You need to prove it to me. I need to see it, the hard evidence. Even if you talk about evidence-based therapy, look at it, evidence-based therapies. And what hurts me a lot is how little spiritual spirituality is celebrated in the world. And how quick people are to jump on somebody that shares, I love God, I love shamanism, I love Oracle, I love this stuff, I heard this sign, I saw this number 17 times, I hold this crystal, I'm charged with energy, I feel this vibration, ⁓ my God, and like right. And so we say these things, but we pass over it like it's nothing. We need to see the evidence. And so when I started leaning into it many times my life, I was like, this is there's no such fucking thing as a coincidence. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm. Mm-hmm. Melanie: Why are all these things? And people used to say to me, Why, why is that happening to you so easily? I'm like, nothing has happened to me easily. I've had a tough fucking life. But if I lean in and I manifest and I work hard and I lean in, I manifest, I work hard. I've had some of the worst things, but I leaned in not by sight, but by faith. And some people want to go, ⁓ well, do you believe in God? You why this happened to bad people? Why is this happening? And why is and so they want to get into these. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Melanie: 3D arguments with me right in in my face. And I go, I I don't want to argue in the flesh with you. I don't need to argue. Again, that's egoic. Ease God out. I don't need to ease God out right now because it's a feeling and it's a sensation, it's a vibration that's taking me places that I'll never need to explain to you because I'm not trying to prove to you. I have so much humility to the fact that there are things that I haven't been able to explain that have. lifted me out of the amount of nervous system dysregulation, peace, help, extraordinary measures that are unexplainable. And they're beyond the tools, they're beyond the trainings, they're beyond this. And I think that whether it's shamanism, whether it's somebody going to ⁓ leaning into chakra healing, Reiki, added a breath work that I've done in sessions where I get ⁓ visions, prophetic visions, it doesn't matter. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Melanie: If somebody believes me or not, these are my own healing for my own healing. And so when I talk about eclectic and individualized treatments, I help a client, whether it's my clients I see or myself, I don't believe there's one measurement of healing for a single human on the planet. And I never will. And so that being said, Pete might come to me at one chapter in his life. And the best form of therapy is CBT. Just may maybe he needs six weeks quick in and out. Then he's like, that was good, but he really needs to go on a men's retreat and see a medicine healer. I don't know, right? We don't know what Pete needs. But that doesn't mean that it's just this one thing that helped him on his journey. It was a compilation of Pete's whole life. And so I'm very against that we're in this world. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Melanie: That everybody is set in stone against the opinion of this one thing. And so I'm very ⁓ it's an can you be an open channel to receiving that maybe you don't know what you don't know? And it's not, ⁓ I just saw an alien, ⁓ I'm a psychic, ⁓ I'm a seer. That's all egoic. I'm a past life, this, that's all egoic. Detach from that for a second. What is this? What is this all for you, showing you right now? So Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Melanie: It's very vast. I could talk about this for like hours and again it sounds very excess yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Listen, I can listen you talk about this out because I I enjoy listening to this stuff. This is great. And when you mentioned crystals too, I didn't really understand those until my I met my ex-wife and she introduced me to the thing and the whole principle behind it, tarot cards, all that. You know, a lot of that stuff people don't realize. Like like I've had a couple of those readings and let me tell you how close those things were. It's it's hard to deny what those are saying. Like, you know, like and I agree. I don't think there's just one method for anybody because like I don't just use talk therapy. I do Every I do a bunch of other things. I meditate and I talk to my inner self, you know, and all these different things I've learned from different guests on the show that have come on. Actually, season two, we met a gentleman named Julian that him and I were talking about my issues that I had with my mom because she abandoned me when I was 10. So like dealing with that inner child thing, you know, like I tell people I talk to my inner child, people look at me weird. I'm like, listen, I don't care if you believe me or not, but what I'm doing works for me. It's getting me places, people are noticing that I'm different. Melanie: Yes. Yes. Pete "Da Common Denominator": You know, eat my own kids who I've never had a relationship with, hardly ever, after we we separated a while ago, you know, I went and saw my daughter graduate this past week. Never would have happened had I not had I had I not gone to the path I went down, you know, I would have never been in that situation. She invited me to come and then one of the other my younger daughters was like, Listen, Dad, you didn't seem like the same person that I met b that we seen before. Melanie: ⁓ my god, that's so beautiful. Yes. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Which says a lot because I've been through I told them, yeah, I've been through a lot. There's a lot of things I've done. I've done a lot of owning up to things I've done. You know, there's there's multiple steps of things that I've been doing. ⁓ you know, to get to this point, you know. And the fact that they're seeing it, it it says already enough right there because they're seeing the fact that I'm not the same person. I'm different. You know, in and since doing the show, I've got to meet different people to try different things. You know, and I always think there's always different things, tons of different techniques I use to every time. It depends. Depends situationally what I'm in. For my anxiety. So when it kicks up, sometimes I'll vent. Sometimes I'll just start telling it out loud to see what it is because it sounds stupid to me. Sometimes I'll journal. ⁓ I have an anxiety journal. I have all these different methods I use. You know, I use breath work a lot of times to refocus. I do a lot of grounding techniques. I go outside and walk in the grass. Or my friend, my friend Kat likes to tell me, go hug a tree all the time. And I laugh at her every time because it makes me chuckle because I know she means nothing but well out of that. Melanie: Well, Dryad, you gotta protect your energy. And that's what I was so you just mentioned Dryad. I when I say Dryad, it's a there's a guy goddess, but it pr tree protection. So there are actual people who get come together and they talk about tree protection and tree energy and imagining you're s inside a tree, protected by tree energy and Gaia, Gaia energy, whatever energy, but there's a beautiful book and it it was called Spiritual Hygiene. It came out Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Melanie: ⁓ I think this year, last year, but doesn't matter about the book, but I actually talk a lot about spiritual hygiene, but more for my clients in an evidence-based way. But if we could turn it into a spiritual way, I do a ton of spiritual hygiene. And spiritual hygiene could look different for so many different people. That could be from cleansing baths to Palo Santo to saging to actually imagining white light around you to Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Yeah. Melanie: Boundary, let's turn it to evidence. There's a million more. Let's turn it to evidence-based spiritual practices, boundaries, learning to say no, picking yourself first, like literally confidence, embodiment, standing up, the Superman bows. These are all this is all spiritual hygiene. And people don't know this. And for me, the thing is when you don't know any of this stuff, I to I used to joke around what's a nocium? A nocium is a bug that you can barely see that can get through filters. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Melanie: That was me my whole life, where I had these archons or these gnosiums or these almost invisible detectors that monitoring me all the time. And I'm like, you could feel when you're in your higher level, intuitive, your higher level, you can start to feel that energy. Or you invite it in more because you're highly empathic, you're sensitive. People are attracted to the light and they're probably attracted to your energy. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. I'm sensitive energy. Melanie: So, this is where you have to up your spiritual hygiene. Are you just you up the way that you understand it? And to be honest, you you attract more of that. So you have to up more of it. When you're working as a therapist, a healer, an empath. So whatever your methods work, you have to up them. And a lot of the time, this is uncomfortable for the people around you too, who want to be able to get in. So the nociums are gonna get in more. They're gonna knock in more. And this is for a chronic Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm. Melanie: For covering people pleaser, for somebody who's always let that come in, what does that mean for you? And so when you do that and you're not keeping up with it, you can feel sometimes ⁓ people will say to me, Why did my energy just sift out of nowhere? And they'll say things like that and they'll be like, it must be a BPD thing. People used to joke to me and be like, Well, let's check that. Let's start to check these things and start to actually question these things. Is it? Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Melanie: Was it a trigger? Was it the people? What was it? The places like we have to start understanding energy is everything. Keeping up with your hygiene is everything, your sleep, all of these things are protection barriers. And so that's all actually in DBT as well. Your vulnerabilities. Are you susceptible this morning? Like, did you get enough sleep? Like me, I just had five sessions. I jumped on. I might be a little bit dissociative right now, a bit more floaty. I'm not gonna lie to you though, because I'm Pete "Da Common Denominator": It is. Yeah. Melanie: I can ground myself with you, my feet on the ground. I could talk to you. I can hold my crystals. I'm more self-aware than normal, but I used to run support groups and be floating half the time. And I had a mentor say this to me. She was like, she channeled this. She was like, you float a lot because of your people pleasing. You try to be everything for everyone but yourself. And you would lose yourself in that and a lot of these support groups. And I was like, she's like, you do a good job, but you lose a lot and you would. be like floating. And I was like, that was happening a lot. So it's like you're better one-on-one, or you're better if you spent a lot of time with people going into reclusive hermity energy for a while because you're you're the kind of person that's an extrovert, introvert, call it an omnivert, like a mix of the two. And so learning again, spiritual hygiene, how to deal with what you're good at and all these things are very important for you. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah, I'm energy sensitive, you know. And I figured that out when I met somebody that called herself the energy alchemist. And we discussed that. And I was like, you know, I had this sensation I could never explain. And she's like, ⁓ that's you feeling energy. So I've been honing it ever since I met her. So I've gotten pretty good at it, honestly. Like I could pick up the energy of people, even sitting here talking to people, I I still pick up within a few I could very few questions. I could start figuring out if I really like these people or not. And you know, and it was always something I can never explain, but then it made sense after I met Melanie and she had told me it's she had me Melanie too, is another Melanie, by the way. She was really cool. That that was really cool though, you know what I mean? Like, and then I found out that I'm an empath too, which made a lot of sense too, why I'm really sensitive. It and I noticed after some interviews I would do, man, I'd be doing like some days I'd do like five or six in a row, and I'd just be drained after certain conversations. Melanie: ⁓ stop I yeah, it's cool. Pete "Da Common Denominator": especially narcissist conversations always drained me because it was s hit so hello as the home for me. Cause you know, I dealt with a narcissistic mom, my you know, my partner at the time, my d my daughter, my my my mother, the children, she was very narcissistic at times too, you know. And y and it was interesting when I found that out because like I said, when I started doing the show originally, I I set out to, you know, make mental health talk more about, you know, and I was using my own personal journey. And then I finally started opening up more about myself later on. Melanie: Mm-hmm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": I noticed the conversation shift and then I get more interesting people. So I'd always look for something new. ⁓ I don't know what that is. Let me invite that person, you know, Reiki, you know, energy healing, this, that, just everything I could find. I just wanted. And the funny thing was, a lot of them came in trios. So Energy Healer one, two, and three for that day would come in. It was so funny because it's like, Whoa, wait a minute, this is interesting. Why do I keep getting these three, you know, these people in little droves and things? So it was interesting. You know, when you said crystals, because I'm like, I know what those are too. I I love the crit the principle of crystals are very interesting too. You know, and all those kind things, those all kind of hit a home for And like I said, I could sit and listen to you talk about spiritual things all day. Like before, 20 years ago, I I never would have even believed anything. And it was way it was presented to me all those times, you know, but now it's like I have a difference, I have a more sense of curiosity to a lot of things, you know, and and things like that too. So when you bring up certain subjects, it's like Ooh, I'm pinging over like, man, now I gotta go look into some of this stuff and see what it is because I wanna know more because then I can bring more information to the table. You know the funny thing though, Melanie, is people ask me, and actually we get together some friends. I get together on Wednesday. They asked me this question last time they saw me and they said, So Pete, do you prepare for any of your interviews? I'm like, No, they're all a hundred percent me. Like, I'll be completely honest with you, I don't prepare for ninety percent of these interviews. I'll look up some information about the people, and then everything else is just off the top of my head of just things I've learned. You know, I've had conversations with neuroscientists and everything else, and I Melanie: Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": I find it all fascinating, like especially the spiritual side of things, because it's just so fascinating how close it is to what you know, people don't realize how much it walks hand in hand. But people are like, ⁓ well, I I believe in this. Well, it doesn't matter what you put in place of that, you still believe in something. Doesn't matter. However, you look at it. You know, the Greeks had multiple gods, the Indians had multiple gods, the Romans had more. You know what I mean? It doesn't matter. It's all the same thing. If you look at it at the end of the day. Melanie: Yes. Pete "Da Common Denominator": You know, there's that one higher power, whether it be whatever you want it to be, but people tend to just get mad because they don't understand. But it's like, listen, y'all are the same. What are you guys getting mad about? Like, I don't get it. You know, so when you say people frown upon you, when they show you say when you say things about spirituality, I'm like, it's all the same thing, guys. What are you talking about? Melanie: And I Yeah. It's and it's not and it's not all people per se. And that's actually been my biggest journey steering away and learning how to come back. And remember, I said, ⁓ my throat chakra, right? And candalini opening and all this stuff. The journey, and thank you for everything you just shared. It was beautiful, Pete. the opening and the embodiment of just being yourself, that's been the most Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Melanie: hardening and sorry, dishardening thing for my spiritual journey. I think coming back home to the truest version of ourself, whatever that is, has been my journey. And I think the hardest part for me has been learning that it, like you said, it does not matter at all what you believe in, as long as you believe in something. And there's always going to be whether when I said the word archon, these are like the negative forces on the planet and we all have them. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah, exactly. Melanie: And so if if it's you believe in this lifetime, past lifetimes, reincarnated lifetimes, right? Like this is what happens to people. We get so stuck. ⁓ but what we mostly get stuck on, especially in the VPD communities, is other people and being othered and all of these types of things. And for me, losing my voice throughout my whole life to other people, don't do this, you're too much, you're too that. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Melanie: Yo, don't say this, don't say that, don't be this, don't be that. I'm like, well, I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't. And so why don't I just be? Because our Dharma, which our purpose is to just be. But we run around with swords in our hands all the time, fighting battles that we don't need to. What I realize, it's not my battle to fight. It's never been my battle to fight. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Exactly. Yeah. Melanie: And when I put that suit of armor on, all I'm supposed to be doing is protecting myself just to be. And I'm not a trying to keep putting on all these suits, protecting myself, fighting all these people, trying to get approval, trying to not get rejected. I'm gonna get rejected regardless. So someone who watches this is gonna say, ⁓ well, she was to this. What the fuck is on her head? Who the fuck does she think she is? And guess what? I don't give a shit. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Right. Melanie: You're judging me because you're judging me at the emotional capacity of where you're at. If you're judging me, that's actually a reflection of you. And so I keep learning that every time I go out into the world where I'm putting myself out there when I'm scared, when I'm confused, if I feel lost, at least I'm trying. Because my Dharma is just a B, meaning I'm just supposed to show up the best version every day as I can. So those days where you're doing five, six episodes, I'd still tell you. Like myself, let's stop doing that. We keep burning out and we don't need to do that. You're already, you're already cut it down. Yeah. Like cut it down. You're already awesome. But these things are an amalgamation of our life. We keep learning that we already are enough. Every single one of us is awesome. We're all special, but we see we seem to keep forgetting that. The greatest message I ever got from God, I'm not separate from God. I'm God's creation. I am. I am. Pete "Da Common Denominator": ⁓ I've I've cut it down since then for sure, dress me, yeah. Melanie: Beautiful. And every time I say I am shit, I'm actually projecting an image that God never created. Meaning I'm an image made from God. Whether God to you is Gaia, like you said, goddess, whatever religion, whatever this, but I am Monad. I am all created. I'm sovereign free of all massacred perceptions of anything that anyone wants to say. That does not make me cocky just because I am. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Melanie: confident in what he created. It doesn't make me perfect. He knew he didn't make me perfect. He, she, mother, female, God like, whatever. We all have our different beliefs. But what I did my whole life was made myself small based on othering myself, based on other people's perceptions, because I didn't see myself in divine light. With Christ consciousness, I'll tell you one thing, because that's a really profound practice I try to do. I see everyone with divine love. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Melanie: I see everyone perfect, the way that they were created. Not as the mistakes they see themselves in, even their bad behaviors, because I see that as a chance for them to rectify within themselves. And I know people are like, that's so lame. You you just forgive everyone. And I'm like, yeah, because if I don't, I'm holding myself with anger every day. Do I trip up on things? Yeah, I'm human still, but I'm also more. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Melanie: And it doesn't make me better. I just see beyond a lot of the things that were holding my ego down, meaning I've been stuck here. I'm stuck here. Everything that keeps me stuck, I try to rip away at it. Why am I stuck here? And so I'm constantly, why am I so obsessed with psychology and spirituality? I'm on a constant surge to get better and to feel more free because I don't like feeling shackled by anxiety, by depression, by being stuck. There are those days I spent years of my life stuck. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Melanie: Years of my life in bed, years of my life fucking wanting to die, and I don't want to do that. So if somebody else has a version of me, that's their version, but I don't want that version to be the one I go out with. I just don't want it to be that version I go out with. Pete "Da Common Denominator": I love it. I love it. Well, Melanie, as we get ready to start wrapping up this L interview, I have those two questions I'm gonna ask you. Okay. So the first one is actually music related. So you're gonna like this one. So my question for you is if your mental health had a song, what would you say that song would be? Melanie: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ Scheiza. Okay. ⁓ Hmm, that's hard. I I keep twenty five years of my life is still what's that song keeps singing in my head. And I feel a hope for an isolation. ⁓ what's up for non-blondes that keep singing in my head? And I say, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah. That one. There's a few ones. Like that's definitely one of them. ⁓ there's a few. I'll I'll text you some more or I'll write you some more, but that's that. Pete "Da Common Denominator": I have no idea. There you go. Yep, yep, that's there right there. Yep. I love that. Yeah. ⁓ yeah. Hell yeah, that'd be awesome. Melanie: I don't know why again, spirits channeling that spirit guides are saying sing that one. So that's one of them. There's a few more that would come with that one. Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": I love it. All right, Melanie. Now the main question and before we start wrapping this up, okay, is for you is if you could break this stigma about mental health, what would you say that one thing would be? Melanie: Hmm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Now you could think of like something that drives you nuts, something that pisses you off, something you're just like, Hey, can you all stop believing these things? Melanie: Honestly Yeah. No, I just again I think the number one thing we touched on it beautifully over and over again is that every single person was created individually. So when you go to stigmatize anyone, right, think about it from the basis that every person is exceptionally unique. So there's nothing that you know about a person. What when you think you know, you have no fucking idea. Yeah. Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Exactly. I love it. Melanie, thank you so much for being here today. This was awesome. I was so excited when I saw your name coming up and I knew this was coming. I I let me tell you, I've been talking about this all week there, but it's like, ⁓ my god, guys, I'm gonna have Melanie Goldman come on. And they're like, who's that? I'm like, you have an idea this, you gotta go check up this person. So Melanie, before we start closing this thing out, why don't you tell everybody where they can find you? Where's the best place to find you? You know, I know you're on Instagram, I know you have the website for the the practice and everything. Let them have it. Melanie: Thank you, Pete. Aww Yes, Pete, Pete, Pete. My peat deads. Yes. Yeah. De definitely. ⁓ I'm on my website has all the the links. So the www dot mindoverborderline.ca has ⁓ the Facebook. I'm the Facebook. Like what I'm 90. The Facebook. It has the Facebook. ⁓ I'm 90 and on Russian. It has ⁓ Facebook and LinkedIn and and all the jazz. So and yeah, you could find me, you can email me if you have any questions. ⁓ if there's anybody here that needs help or resources. I'm almost on my resource page for the website, which is awesome. And some really exciting new things are coming up that I'm not allowed to share right now. But I'm not just saying that as a drop. Like there are some very exciting things coming up. So yeah. Thank you, Pete. Me too. Pete "Da Common Denominator": That's awesome. Well, Melanie, thank you so much for being here today. It was an honor having you. I was so excited. ⁓ you're welcome to come back anytime you'd like. You just hit me up. We'll clear the schedule. We'll clear the schedule until everybody get out the way. And with that being said, guys, we're gonna wrap up this episode of Pete for Sanxiety. You don't want to find me on Pete for Sanxiety, I'm X, Halloween down to TikTok. I'm on Spotify all the way down to Pandora Radio. And I was always saying it costs nothing, absolutely nothing to be kind to somebody. One kind act you could do could save their life, or hell, you can make their day. Melanie: And I will. I will. Yes. Yes. Exactly. Okay. Pete "Da Common Denominator": I'm Pete Fritz Anxiety Sign off saying, Don't ask how your day is today. Say hey, how's your mental health?