Latest / The Her Promise Circle Podcast / This Is Keeping You From Your Next Level
Transcript
- exported+EE0A8E81 2C69 4042 AFF2 CB140CA50C71: when someone comes to you and judges you when you're feeling the tug of God, you can confuse the tug of God, which is loving, going, Let me show you better, as shameful, as accusatory. And we know who the accuser is, and it's not Jesus. so I just feel like we rob people of the process because at the end of it, I'm living proof. At the end of the process, nothing has a hold on you. Who I am is. God's daughter, I just finished my live with Lashana. She is just the dopest individual. Like she has the brightest energy. She always is so positive and motivating and magnetic and just a beautiful person. When I first started HPC, we reconnected because I'd already known her when I moved to Atlanta. And She invited me on her podcast, Healing While Building, and we talked about where I was at that time. And I was always, and I've been very proud of myself, also more intentional in giving myself props for being so transparent because I was fresh out of the world. Girl, when I say fresh out, it was like chest driving a new car. It was like Being in this new state of mind and God really had to heal and work on me with that. I hid behind her promise circle as a brand for a really long time. Instead of being Mikhail Renee, I wasn't sure who I was anymore. The things that I had found identity in, I no longer did. I was no longer a woman interested in casual sex or relationships, the way that I had done them business as usual. I was no longer interested in going out raging, getting drunk, and then waking up getting drunk again the whole next day because your girl was out six nights a week, okay, and still doing all the stuff she had to do. I was no longer interested in hustling and grinding in a dream that I didn't inform or or ask, inquire of God as to if that was what he had for me. It just it was a lot of new things. It was like, I lead Bible study now. Like I remember doing this as a child, but like as an adult. As an adult who is a recovering baddie, okay, like model, actress, right? Like, who am I? What am I doing? And I've just always known that I was meant to be seen. And so she was one of the first podcasts I did as like new me, quote unquote. And I remember like sh I had done a few before that, and it was with other Christian influencers. And like I not that I felt it wasn't their fault, but I felt like their platform demanded a version of me I wasn't quite at yet, if I'm honest. It demanded a version of me that was, I hey, I gave my life to the Lord. Now I'm perfect. I don't swear anymore. I don't have sex no more. I'm delivered. Amen. Right. And deliverance is absolutely something that happens suddenly. But I think that this Christian narrative that we paint, religion paints is that you're del you're going to church now, so everything is everything is everything. No people come to church because God tugs on their heart and then like they still get a roster to return home to. you know what I'm saying? it takes time for people to walk in the way. And and when God does deliverance as a journey, as a process, there's things in me now that I could not have willed myself to do. God was patient with me. He saw me. He gave me grace in the process. I was able to genuinely give up and relinquish things because it just no longer made sense to do. Because it was like, well, if God gives me peace, what am I drinking for? If God gives me peace, if this peace is available to me, Lord, and I don't need to have wine at night just to unwind, then show me. Show me this peace. And I put I started putting a demand on God to show me the things that He could do for me that I thought this other stuff could do. Did it take time? Yes, but now I know. So now that when I have a drink, which is once in a blue moon, it is because it's for the experience. It's not like I have a drink at dinner and now I'm going home like I used to, just to drink myself to sleep. Just to drink myself out of having to wonder or worry about things. If I have a drink, it's for the moment. It has no hold on me. It's not like I need it. I could say no to it. It's just things are done in us in process. But in the way that this Christian aesthetic has painted it to be, it's a lot more messy than that. And the messier it is, the more real it is. That's why we love Peter, right? That's why we love David in Psalms, crying out, because it's so real. I was coming from a from a model, right? Who's like, wearing model clothing, doing model things, posting online and stuff. I would never have worn this to even do a video like this in front of you then, because I was like, wow, Christians are gonna be like, Well, if don't cause your brother to stumble, you should cover your arms. I even made a video not long ago on Instagram where someone was like, Yeah, like you're. Obviously, you still have a far way to go. I'm like, sir, my butt was just on the internet. literally wearing a romper that's showing my shoulders, and you think I have far to go, like you have no idea where I came from. Christians, and they're the first ones in the comments to yell, cuss, and scream, and and all that, get angry and give you a verse. But until you have truly lived verses, which is why I don't participate. I'm not interested in judging anybody for where they are in the process because the thing that you're pointing at someone and saying, Hey, you need to stop sinning there, you probably thought I was gonna say, take the plank out your own eye. That's not what I'm gonna say. I was being tugged on by God before I even fully turned to him. And so in the middle of that process where I was like being convicted on my own, but still out drinking, knowing that I was like looking for something that that was not in a bottle. when someone comes to you and judges you when you're feeling the tug of God, you can confuse the tug of God, which is loving, going, Let me show you better, as shameful, as accusatory. And we know who the accuser is, and it's not Jesus. And so I just feel like we rob people of the process because at the end of it, I'm living proof. At the end of the process, nothing has a hold on you. Who I am is. God's daughter, who I am at my core, at my essence, is someone who loves God because of what He's brought her through, who knows her. God knows me and I know him. Now, see, God knew me first. The Bible says that I chose you, you did not choose me. So that means God knew everything about me, every part of my process, how long it would take, what I would be doing, even when I was praying and prophesying, right? When I was trying to run from him, he knew. All of it. And yet we try to hide, we try to hide the very things that God uses to show people, hey, look at David. And he's still a king. I am not absolving you of horrible behavior, saying that God's gonna bless you anyway. But I am saying that people who genuinely know and love the Lord are s are struggling and wallowing in shame. That's keeping them out of the purpose that God has for them because they're trying to qualify themselves. Versus allowing God to qualify them. And if God has already called you to something, you're already qualified. And it it kills me that I was in this for so long is that I was trying to qualify myself. I'm like, I know how I should be living, how I should look, Lord. I I should look like the perfect modest Christian girly who's quiet and dainty and graceful and doesn't show her body and doesn't have a have any desires at all that are ungodly or whatever. Like, just to be in order to be able to lead other women to him. And it's just like, Yes, we lead by example, but a lot of us are in process. I didn't mean for this video to be this, but it is now. Why do you think pastors are getting found out as scandals? Because they don't have space or room to be messy. The congregation doesn't allow for each other, nor especially not the pastor, to be messy in front of you and and Bringing this full circle, healing while building. I love that that's Lashana's theme for this event that's in November. Because if you are afraid to be seen in process, you will never heal. That's why content is such good exposure therapy. You will never heal if you're afraid to be seen messy, because that is the that is in essence what it is to like to walk with God. You have to do the most shameful things and allow God to see you. And it keeps us from him. That it sin causes separation, not because of God, Jesus already died for our sins, but because we don't go to Him after because we feel the shame. If we learn to, as Christians, be like, confess your sins to one another, the Bible says. And that is literally co-regulation. Because if we put it out in the light, there's nothing to hide. Because hiding in the darkness and the moisteness, what happens? Fungus grows, mold grows, depression, anxiety, and we must. be able to be open and honest with each other as a people and love each other knowing, hey, I am no better than you. We can hold each other accountable by all means. And and that can be done out of love as well because we know that that person's better than where they're at, where they're s settling for. But if God treated me in a way that some of this stuff be happening, y'all, I would be doomed. And I'm just so grateful he's not. And so definitely buy y'all's tickets. I know my girls would be there. We're really excited for this summit. I just wanted to share some thoughts that were on my mind because I'm trying to do better content. So here we are. Here we are. I'm starting to vlog a little more of my process and journey. If you're not sure who I am, I'm Mikel and I founded an organization that works to help women prevent burnout and crisis, like your girl ended up in. As we go on this journey, thanks for walking in with me. See you soon.