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May 4 – The Best Policy · The Daily Ripples Podcast

• 0:01
  Well, welcome back to the Daily Ripples podcast.
• 0:04
  I am Pastor Mike, and I'm glad to be back here with us for our last episode of this run with Steffani and Memphis.
• 0:12
  But I can't proceed any further without recognizing that this is indeed Star Wars Day, of course.
• 0:20
  And so, like any good Star Wars fan and any good Methodist, I have to start off by saying, may the 4th be with you.
• 0:28
  And also with you.
• 0:29
  And thank you, Steffani, for that.
• 0:30
  I appreciate you not letting me down.
• 0:32
  Memphis, get some culture.
• 0:34
  Anyway, our daily ripple for today is May the 4th, and it is the best policy, the stone.
• 0:44
  Partial honesty keeps parts of my life hidden and unchanged.
• 0:49
  Freedom grows when honesty becomes complete and not selective.
• 0:53
  Ripple 1 is practical.
• 0:55
  Today, I will practice honesty without editing the truth to protect my image.
• 0:59
  I will speak plainly, act sincerely, and resist the urge to present a version of myself that isn't real.
• 1:06
  Integrity requires consistency in both word and action.
• 1:11
  Ripple 2 is spiritual.
• 1:12
  As I live openly before the Father, the Holy Spirit forms truthfulness within me.
• 1:17
  Following Christ, who is truth itself, I learn that honesty is not just a practice, it is a way of life.
• 1:23
  Over time, openness replaces fear, and my life aligns more fully with God's purpose.
• 1:29
  and as always, we'll save our prayer for the end.
• 1:32
  As I was reading this aloud again just now,
• 1:35
  the thing that jumped out to me is that bit about,
• 1:41
  you know, as I live openly before the Father,
• 1:43
  the Holy Spirit forms truthfulness in me.
• 1:45
  I was thinking about that and how I can be truthful today
• 1:50
  and I can still overshare.
• 1:52
  In other words, not everybody needs to hear every detail
• 1:56
  about my past and my history, right?
• 1:58
  Because for some people, especially those who are not in the rooms of recovery that aren't
• 2:04
  used to that type of openness and honesty, sometimes that oversharing can change their
• 2:10
  view or opinion of me probably unfairly because they don't know how to deal with somebody that
• 2:16
  is that open about past indiscretions or failings or sins or what have you.
• 2:21
  Now, I use it all as we've been talking about these past few days.
• 2:25
  I use it all as part of my story, my experience, strength, and hope.
• 2:28
  But at the same time, I remember one time, it was probably the first time that I was asked to be a speaker in what's called a speaker meeting in a recovery meeting.
• 2:39
  And for those who don't know, what that means is typically at the end of the month, we celebrate, you know, recovery milestones where people have a certain number of years in recovery.
• 2:50
  They're given a token with the number of years on it, and then they'll have a speaker that shares their experience, strength, and hope.
• 2:56
  And that's kind of like the keynote speaker of the night.
• 2:58
  Well, the first time that I was asked to do that, and it's always an honor to do it,
• 3:02
  I got up and I shared probably 75% of my experience and maybe 20% of my strength and 5% of my hope.
• 3:11
  So in other words, it became I got up and shared a big drunk-a-log is what we call it in the
• 3:16
  recovery meeting. And while it may be entertaining, while it may be witty, while it may be a way that
• 3:22
  other people can connect to my story, that type of oversharing of honesty, I remember after it,
• 3:28
  I had an elderly, whatever that word is, elderly or an older young lady that came up to me after the
• 3:36
  meeting and said, you know, I don't know if I would have said X, Y, and Z. And I had to stop and think
• 3:45
  about that because I was thinking at the time, you know, well, aren't we supposed to be honest about
• 3:49
  what we'd been through, but then I understood the wisdom of what she was saying, because it was
• 3:54
  something that I shared in my past that was an outside issue, not necessarily directly tied to,
• 3:58
  you know, drinking or alcoholism, but it was part of my story. But by sharing it, there may be some
• 4:03
  that connected to it and some that found distance from it. And so I think that that's where the
• 4:09
  discernment and the wisdom and the Holy Spirit has to guide me in what I share and when. It's not
• 4:14
  It's something I could do on my own.
• 4:15
  And I learn what to share and when from other people.
• 4:19
  But anyway, that's the initial place where my mind went with this one for today.
• 4:23
  But Memphis or Steffani, what do you guys have to kick off our discussion some more?
• 4:27
  So I will say I agree with you.
• 4:30
  I think in certain cases, full disclosure is not necessary.
• 4:36
  Open and honest depends on the person that you're talking to.
• 4:39
  Depends on the conversation that you're having.
• 4:42
  And it depends on if this person is a part of your community or part of a broader community.
• 4:49
  There's a reason why there's an anonymous section on the end of the name.
• 4:55
  Because in some circles, there's a prejudice, if you will, or a stigma.
• 5:03
  And so being honest to a false may be more harmful than helpful.
• 5:12
  But I can say in our chapter of We Agnostics on page 55, it says,
• 5:20
  If our testimony helps sweep away prejudice, enables you to think honestly, and encourages you to search diligently within yourself, then if you wish, you can join us on this broad highway.
• 5:33
  So if I can give a story or part of my past that changes your viewpoint in an honest, open way and allows you to look at yourself in a deep manner, then I have accomplished what God has set me out to do.
• 5:50
  Memphis, what do you think?
• 5:51
  You know, the part that stood out to me in the part where the stone was the part where it says freedom grows when honesty becomes complete, not selective.
• 6:03
  And, uh, yeah, that has a variety of different meanings.
• 6:07
  It's not just, um, you know, I'm being honest about everything that I'm saying.
• 6:12
  Um, but it's when my honesty comes from, um, a direction of being guided by God.
• 6:19
  Um, so it's, it's when I ask God to give me the words to share, uh, with a newcomer or
• 6:25
  whether it's just with a friend who's not in the program or, um, it doesn't require, you
• 6:31
  You know, not every conversation or not every part, you know, visit to my past requires me to tell them that I went without a shower for 12 months.
• 6:40
  It's as awful as that sounds.
• 6:42
  And, you know, we're on a Zoom meeting, so it wouldn't be that bad if that was the case today.
• 6:47
  Yeah, we can't spoil you through technology.
• 6:49
  You know, the people in the lakes, I probably wish I would have showered.
• 6:54
  But, you know, today, you know, honestly, it doesn't just mean me saying everything.
• 6:59
  It's me saying whatever I say truthfully and doing this so in a way that I won't hurt others.
• 7:08
  So if my truth will be harmful, then it's not appropriate.
• 7:16
  And I think that's, you know, today, you know, I do my best to ask for guidance in most everything that I do.
• 7:24
  But especially when I am trying to be of service, I try to make sure that my motives are genuine and that I ask God to direct them.
• 7:35
  And then I can be free to use the words that just come to me, just like I am here in this format.
• 7:45
  It comes from a place of my truth as best as I can deliver it.
• 7:53
  Yeah, and, you know, in the Bible, in Ephesians 4 and 15, it tells us to speak the truth in love,
• 7:59
  and then we'll grow to become in every respect and mature body of him who is the head, that is Christ.
• 8:04
  So, in other words, it's getting back to that speaking the truth in love,
• 8:08
  which is what I was thinking about whenever you were sharing just then, Memphis,
• 8:12
  is that, you know, I can speak the truth from a number of angles.
• 8:15
  I can be blunt with somebody. I can be honest with somebody.
• 8:18
  I can sit down and tell them, you know, a lot of really negative things that are truthfully
• 8:27
  what I think.
• 8:28
  But is that coming out of a place of love?
• 8:31
  And you mentioned it, sharing the truth as guided by, you know, God or guided by your higher
• 8:36
  power.
• 8:37
  And if I'm speaking the truth as guided by the Holy Spirit in my life, then I am automatically
• 8:43
  speaking the truth in love.
• 8:44
  Because, you know, throughout Scripture and part of my basic, you know, theology is that, you know, God is love and wants love for us and from us.
• 8:51
  And that's why the greatest commandments are to love God and to love one another.
• 8:55
  And me loving other people means that I have to have that, almost that gift of discernment, you know, from a faith perspective to know when, where, and how to share parts of my story, parts of my testimony, parts of, you know, my witness, if you will, to, you know,
• 9:14
  reach or to impact positively whomever I'm speaking with at the time. And that's a lifelong
• 9:21
  journey of discovery of figuring out how to do that. And I'm not at all saying that I get that
• 9:24
  right every time or even most of the time, but that's the goal anyway, is that I'm speaking that
• 9:31
  truth out of love and not speaking a truth just so that I feel better because I really gave it to
• 9:36
  them, you know, that kind of thing. Right. And to me, it's allowing that your higher power or the
• 9:41
  God of your understanding to be the one who's selective, not my will, his will.
• 9:46
  Yeah.
• 9:46
  I think that's super important.
• 9:48
  You know, I try, you mentioned this, Memphis, asking God to give me the words to say and the
• 9:55
  heart to speak from.
• 9:57
  I know that was my prayer prior to getting on this podcast with you guys.
• 10:02
  Making sure that the message that I convey is one that is a pure motive and is under the intention of love.
• 10:13
  And I can tell you that if I don't ask God for this help, that the words that come out of my mouth may not be that.
• 10:22
  So I try to guard that on a regular basis.
• 10:25
  And it's not easy, and it certainly requires practice and patience and willingness to look at doing things a little differently than I've done in my past.
• 10:35
  And I think I can relate to what you're saying there as well, Steffani, as a fellow redhead.
• 10:41
  You know, sometimes we get a little bit hot-headed, you know, and we can be very reactionary, or at least I know that I can.
• 10:47
  And I see you nodding there for those who can't see.
• 10:50
  You know, and I think about that in terms of the honesty and the willingness to share,
• 10:55
  because, you know, like we're saying, a lot of really negative things can be said,
• 11:00
  and we can call it truth, you know.
• 11:02
  And in fact, I've been in arguments before with people,
• 11:05
  and, you know, I'll point out that something that they said was hurtful,
• 11:08
  and they'll kind of throw their hands up and be like,
• 11:10
  well, I'm just telling the truth, you know, I'm just trying to tell the truth,
• 11:13
  you know, that kind of thing.
• 11:14
  But what I've learned through, you know, both studying, you know, in my faith as well, and primarily, I'd say, probably through the rooms of recovery, is that if I have a reaction and I want to say something that can be 100% true but can just be hurtful and tear someone down, if I'm reacting to something, I have to pause, you know, as the program tells us.
• 11:38
  If I'm agitated, I have to pause when I'm agitated to formulate a response so that I
• 11:43
  can respond in a way that is more, you know, loving.
• 11:48
  It's still truthful, but it's coming from a place of love.
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  And one thing that helps me a lot, and my wife will kind of laugh when she's listening
• 11:54
  to this because I say it all the time, is that there's a lot of truths that should be
• 11:59
  shared with other people.
• 12:01
  But the thing is, if I have a truth to share with you, Memphis, today, I first have to ask
• 12:05
  myself three questions about that truth. And the first was, does it need to be said? Well,
• 12:12
  if it does need to be said, then I go on to the next question. Does it need to be said by me?
• 12:17
  Because there might be a truth you need to hear, but I'm not the one who needs to be the one to
• 12:20
  deliver it to you. And so I have to ask that question. If the answer is no, I stop there. If
• 12:24
  it's yes, I go on to the third question. And that is, does it need to be said by me right now? And
• 12:35
  to take that pause. And the thing is, anyone who's ever had a job that they've tried to keep
• 12:43
  knows how to do this because we've all had a boss that said something that we really wanted to tell
• 12:50
  them exactly what we thought and we did not because we wanted to keep our job. And so it's
• 12:56
  that same concept. So if we can do that to keep a job, to keep money flowing in and paying our bills,
• 13:01
  Why can't we do that with the people that we love?
• 13:03
  What my past tells me about myself is I am capable of having a lot of truths.
• 13:13
  I was capable of creating a lot of perspectives that were selfish and self-centered.
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  And so today, I trust God with truth.
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  And I know if I seek that as being what I follow, it's as close as I'm going to get to the truth.
• 13:35
  But I do enjoy the three questions you ask yourself.
• 13:38
  I like those.
• 13:39
  Yeah, those are very helpful to me.
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  And, you know, as it says in the spiritual ripple, you know, as I live openly before the Father, the Holy Spirit forms truthfulness in me.
• 13:48
  And I think that's important because I don't have to live wide open in front of Memphis.
• 13:52
  And I don't have to live wide open in front of Steffani.
• 13:56
  When I'm doing my fifth step, I have to live wide open in front of my sponsor, whoever I'm
• 14:00
  doing my fifth step with.
• 14:01
  That doesn't mean I have to live wide open with the 30 or 40 other people that are in
• 14:05
  a recovery room.
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  That doesn't mean I have to live wide open with the 30 or 40 people that might, you know,
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  attend my church service and things of that nature.
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  But I have to live openly before the Father.
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  And if there's something, my true test is if there's something in my life that for whatever
• 14:21
  reason, I think that, well, I wouldn't want God to know about, then that means I need to stop doing
• 14:26
  it. Because if I don't want God to know about it, that means I don't want other people to know about
• 14:30
  it. That means I'm still living in secret, and I have not given into that complete honesty and
• 14:35
  truthfulness aspect of it. I like that, Michael. It gives me a chance to think about, hmm, are there
• 14:41
  any things that I don't want God to know about? I think that we all do that naturally, because
• 14:47
  we compartmentalize so many things. We don't realize at times, well, that's a faulty assumption
• 14:54
  going in, because God knows everything anyway. So it's not like I can hide anything from God to begin
• 14:59
  with, but somehow I still try to do the mental gymnastics of figuring out how not to have to
• 15:05
  confess this or admit that. Because like we've talked about the past few days, some things I still
• 15:11
  want to hold on to. I don't want to change them yet. And if I talk about it with another person,
• 15:18
  or if I pray about it before God, then I kind of have to change it because once it's out in the
• 15:23
  open, once it's in the light, I can't keep it hidden in the darkness anymore. Well, and I would
• 15:28
  say that if you're struggling with those secrets, ask God to give you the willingness to give them up.
• 15:34
  Ask God to give you the willingness to share them with someone else.
• 15:38
  Absolutely. Well, as we begin to sign off from our episode for today, I want to again,
• 15:46
  thank you, Steffani, for being back with us today. And thank you, Memphis, for being with us for
• 15:53
  your first run. I'm sure it won't be your last run, but your first run here with us for these
• 15:57
  past four days. I've certainly appreciated our conversations and hopefully those listening will
• 16:02
  as well. For anyone listening, tune in tomorrow. Corey will have some special guests as we move
• 16:09
  further into the month of May to talk about the power of honesty and admitting our faults before
• 16:16
  others and for the purpose of growing from them. That is definitely the stone and the ripples that
• 16:23
  we all need in our lives. Any final thoughts or words for us, Steffani or Memphis?
• 16:28
  Faith is trusting God.
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  Amen to that.
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  Well, our prayer for today, Father, make me a person of complete honesty.
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  Through your Spirit, remove any desire to hide and shape my life in the truth and integrity of your Son.
• 16:44
  Amen.
• 16:45
  Amen.
• 16:50
  Where's the mute button?
• 16:52
  It's at the bottom.
• 16:53
  It's in the bottom corner for me, or you hover over your own picture, and it pops up in the upper right-hand corner most of the time.
• 17:04
  Now he's muted, so I can't hear anything that she might have said.
• 17:07
  Gay, I?