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My Best Friend Is Dating My Ex & I Fell in Love with a Cougar · Therapy Thursday with Ellen K

0:01
Speaker 1: Therapy Thursday. We come together, three friends offering therapy. Two
0:08
Speaker 1: of us not licensed, one of us with a license.
0:11
Speaker 1: I have no license to, you know, give advice. My
0:14
Speaker 1: name is Helen k.
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Speaker 2: The only license I have is to drive. I'm Ryan
0:18
Speaker 2: Mano and.
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Speaker 3: I'm Sarah Dash and surprisingly I've been given a license.
0:23
Speaker 1: You are a licensed therapist. So is it like a
0:27
Speaker 1: you take a test like you would for a PhD
0:29
Speaker 1: or okay, and it's a lats of studying. Yeah, you
0:32
Speaker 1: got to take a.
0:32
Speaker 3: Lot of tests and do like I think it's three
0:35
Speaker 3: thousand hours, oh my gosh.
0:38
Speaker 1: Or you take your test. Whoa, okay, so.
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Speaker 3: You do your postgraduate work and then your three thousand
0:45
Speaker 3: hours Oh wow, trainee in turn, and then you take your.
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Speaker 1: Test and then wow, well thank you for walking all
0:50
Speaker 1: that experience through the door. My gosh. Right, Therapy Thursday.
0:55
Speaker 1: So Trina is on the line right now, Sarah, okay.
0:57
Speaker 1: And that's what you do. You help people. It is
1:01
Speaker 1: what it says you're calling for therapy. We have a
1:03
Speaker 1: licensed therapist. Started as a radio show and now we're podcast.
1:08
Speaker 1: Proud to be but Trina, thank you so much for
1:11
Speaker 1: reaching out. So what's going on with you?
1:14
Speaker 4: So, Ellen, I think my best friend just broke the
1:17
Speaker 4: biggest rule in the friendship handbook, and now she's acting
1:21
Speaker 4: like I'm being unreasonable. Yeah, my best friend is Misty
1:27
Speaker 4: and she's like my rider dies into middle school. And
1:29
Speaker 4: recently she told me she's seeing someone new, and you know,
1:33
Speaker 4: at first I was very excited for her until she
1:35
Speaker 4: told me it was my ex boyfriend Brandon. Okay, wow, yeah,
1:40
Speaker 4: and yeah it's Matthew. Brandon and I dated for four years.
1:45
Speaker 4: Holidays with each other's families, we took trips together, you know,
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Speaker 4: the whole we might actually end up getting married someday
1:51
Speaker 4: kind of relationship. And well, I ended it about a
1:55
Speaker 4: year ago because it kind of just felt like the
1:57
Speaker 4: passion was gone, just like we had kind of you know,
2:00
Speaker 4: cut her out a little bit and it wasn't messy,
2:03
Speaker 4: but it did still hurt.
2:04
Speaker 5: You know.
2:06
Speaker 1: Yeah, well you but you broke it off. You were
2:08
Speaker 1: ready to break it off, and you did. That happens
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Speaker 1: every day.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just you know, Misty knows this better than anyone,
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Speaker 4: and she was there for every ugly cry and every
2:20
Speaker 4: break up. Marguerite at Casa Vega. Now suddenly they're just
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Speaker 4: they're just dating. And you know, when I told her
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Speaker 4: it felt wrong, she actually shrugged and just said, Trina,
2:30
Speaker 4: you dumped him. Brendan is fair game. And my mom
2:36
Speaker 4: agrees with Misty, and she told me just to get
2:39
Speaker 4: over it or I'll lose both of them. It feels
2:41
Speaker 4: like there should be a rule book. This is your
2:43
Speaker 4: best friend's serious ex is permanently off limits.
2:45
Speaker 1: You know, I well, Sarah, I don't know, Sarah. You've
2:49
Speaker 1: probably seen a lot of this in your practice. Someone
2:54
Speaker 1: discards something and then their best friend picks it up.
2:59
Speaker 1: So Ryan and I were talking about if I don't
3:03
Speaker 1: want my sofa anymore, and I put it on the
3:05
Speaker 1: curb and then it's gone in ten minutes. I don't
3:09
Speaker 1: know where, but I'm done with it. Then I go
3:12
Speaker 1: to Ryan's house and I see that he took it
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Speaker 1: and didn't say anything. Is that a violation? Like is
3:18
Speaker 1: it okay to date someone's ex and not tell them?
3:22
Speaker 3: I think that was Actually the primary violation is that
3:27
Speaker 3: Misty acted on her feelings rather than discussing them with
3:32
Speaker 3: Trina first. And then there's this massive invalidation, massive minimization,
3:40
Speaker 3: and there's a difference in what we're allowed to do like,
3:44
Speaker 3: is this actionable? Is she going to get arrested? No,
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Speaker 3: but it doesn't mean that it's harmless or consequence free
3:50
Speaker 3: just because we're allowed to do something.
3:53
Speaker 1: So Trina, how is it between you guys?
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Speaker 4: Now you and Misty, Well, it's a little uncomfortable to
4:02
Speaker 4: say the least. You know, I'm really trying to not
4:06
Speaker 4: hate on her. It's just this entire situation has left
4:09
Speaker 4: me feeling very jilted, and now I feel like I
4:12
Speaker 4: can't even have the same relationship we.
4:14
Speaker 6: Used to have.
4:15
Speaker 4: It just feels so uncomfortable that this girl who's been
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Speaker 4: there for me through everything and was even you know,
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Speaker 4: pretty to intimate and you know, information regarding me and Brandon,
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Speaker 4: that she could just kind of take that for her
4:27
Speaker 4: own youth. And it's just very uncomfortable.
4:30
Speaker 2: But it's been a year. If you don't mind, true,
4:33
Speaker 2: I'm going to jump in here and I'm going to
4:35
Speaker 2: start by saying that I find this to be very
4:37
Speaker 2: selfish of you. No offense, Sorry, I do, because you
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Speaker 2: didn't want him, like your life went in a different direction.
4:46
Speaker 2: And you ever give a dog a bone and it
4:48
Speaker 2: like it, maybe there's another dog that comes up, but
4:51
Speaker 2: the dog's not eating the bone. It just wants to
4:52
Speaker 2: keep the bone close. Who you're not eating it? What
4:55
Speaker 2: are you protecting? What are you protecting?
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Speaker 1: There are feelings here in friendship that they has been
5:00
Speaker 1: I feel discarded. There's there's a friendship. There's a friendship
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Speaker 1: where you do share, you share things with your best friends.
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Speaker 3: Well, it's an implicit loyalty contract when we witness the
5:13
Speaker 3: intimate nature of somebody else's rule.
5:16
Speaker 1: Right, guys, what's that code?
5:17
Speaker 2: Would be different if she took her from him?
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Speaker 1: But no, it wouldn't because because and and Tretah. You
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Speaker 1: you were there with Missy most of your life, and
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Speaker 1: then this guy comes in for four years and then
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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, Misty tells you a meta guy
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Speaker 1: and it happens to be Brandon, just so casual. I
5:36
Speaker 1: think that's a broken girl code for sure. For sure.
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Speaker 3: Do you think that you would have felt differently if
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Speaker 3: she had come to you and said, look, this happened.
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Speaker 3: I ran into you know, Brandon, I think, you know,
5:53
Speaker 3: maybe there's a potential for us to have something, And
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Speaker 3: I want to know how you would feel about that.
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Speaker 3: Would you be feeling different at it? Now?
6:01
Speaker 1: You know?
6:02
Speaker 4: I did think about that and she be honest, even
6:06
Speaker 4: though overall I'd be uncomfortable to the situation. I would
6:08
Speaker 4: have appreciated it if she'd come to me first so
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Speaker 4: we could talk about it, because the way she talked
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Speaker 4: about it to me now, she just tried to make
6:16
Speaker 4: it so like off the cuff, like it wasn't even
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Speaker 4: really that big of a deal, and I felt like
6:20
Speaker 4: she ignored my feelings.
6:22
Speaker 1: And that's the problem.
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Speaker 4: Though I broke it up.
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Speaker 3: That's the problem is that she made it not a
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Speaker 3: big deal when it's very much of a big deal
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Speaker 3: to you. And whether she thinks it's a big deal
6:31
Speaker 3: or whether we think it's a big deal. If it's
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Speaker 3: a big deal to you, that's a big deal to
6:35
Speaker 3: the people who love us.
6:39
Speaker 4: Yeah, I just I feel disregarded in this whole thing.
6:42
Speaker 2: But what would you have said. Let's go back to
6:44
Speaker 2: Sarah's question. Realistically, she sits you down and says, hey, Trina,
6:50
Speaker 2: I want to talk, and here's the situation, and it's
6:53
Speaker 2: Brandon and oh my god, Like, realistically, your your output,
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Speaker 2: your input, your your your whole vibe on this is
7:00
Speaker 2: not changing one bit. You're gonna hate it regardless. It
7:03
Speaker 2: doesn't matter if she came to you first, you wouldn't
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Speaker 2: want it.
7:06
Speaker 1: Good point, Ryan, That's why Misty should never have gone
7:09
Speaker 1: for Brandon any way. There are so many people in
7:13
Speaker 1: the world bye bye. By attaching to Brandon like a leech,
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Speaker 1: this is her letting all the other guys around her
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Speaker 1: that could be a great match for her go. It's
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Speaker 1: a scarcity mentality.
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Speaker 2: She found her person, and.
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Speaker 1: It just so we don't even know if this is
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Speaker 1: her person, this was not her person. And by the way,
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Speaker 1: was she flirting with Brandon while Brandon was still with you? Trina?
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Speaker 1: Then you got to think back, am I crazy? Or
7:42
Speaker 1: were they actually hooking up before I even dumped them?
7:46
Speaker 3: Right?
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Speaker 1: And did they're hooking up lead to the breakup?
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Speaker 3: Interesting?
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Speaker 1: This could all be manipulated.
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Speaker 3: Is that something that you thought about, if you wondered whether.
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Speaker 4: There's there was even I didn't even really think of
8:00
Speaker 4: it like that.
8:01
Speaker 1: Until now, Welcome to Cynical Valley.
8:05
Speaker 4: Till now, Yeah, I guess that's where I'm at now.
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Speaker 4: It's just, you know, I never thought i'd be put
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Speaker 4: in this position, so I never really thought this far ahead.
8:15
Speaker 4: To be perfectly honest.
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Speaker 3: You know, Treament. If it's something out there and I'm
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Speaker 3: not trying to make you feel, you know, even more
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Speaker 3: more distressed than you already do. But your mom's reaction
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Speaker 3: is concerning to me because I hear her kind of
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Speaker 3: doing the same thing that Misty did.
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Speaker 1: Like get over it, like get over it. Doesn't matter
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Speaker 1: what you feel or how you feel, you need to
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Speaker 1: deal with it. It's like all on, Trina, it's all
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Speaker 1: on your shoulders. Yeah, and that's not fair. That's not love,
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Speaker 1: that's not friendship, that's not even motherly.
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Speaker 3: And when somebody's generally doing that, when they take the
8:51
Speaker 3: get over it stance, it's she only about managing their
8:53
Speaker 3: own discomfort.
8:54
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, all right, Well Mike is dying to talk
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Speaker 1: to us, you guys, so are we?
9:01
Speaker 5: Trina? Are you?
9:02
Speaker 2: Are you good here or you know? Do you want
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Speaker 2: Trina on for Mike or what? I don't know?
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Speaker 1: Yeah? I do? Okay, Trina, do you want to hear
9:07
Speaker 1: what Mike has to say?
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Speaker 4: Well, you know what, I'm already here.
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Speaker 1: Let's do it, Okay, all right, Mike, thank you so
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Speaker 1: much for coming in. You say that it could be
9:18
Speaker 1: happiness between Misty and Brandon, and you have a story
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Speaker 1: to share. What is it?
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Speaker 7: So two buddies, best friends through high school into college.
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Speaker 7: One of them had a longtime girlfriend, I think five
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Speaker 7: years they ended up picking up and six months later
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Speaker 7: his best friend went out with his ex girlfriend. They're
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Speaker 7: married today fifteen years, have three kids, literally happily ever
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Speaker 7: after that.
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Speaker 1: Yes, okay, all right, okay.
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Speaker 7: But remember the girls agreeing to date the guy too.
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Speaker 7: So yes, it's a mutual thing, both sides of the story,
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Speaker 7: and if it would make them happy. The only comfortable
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Speaker 7: thing is if they become a couple and the three
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Speaker 7: of them are going to have a hard time going
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Speaker 7: out if if he can't handle it, if he can't
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Speaker 7: handle it.
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Speaker 1: Right, right, right, right, Okay, all right, Michael, that's a
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Speaker 1: that's a fairy tale story. That's a good one.
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Speaker 7: Yeah, but good luck to them.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, thank you, Mike Devora. I think I know
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Speaker 1: what you're going to say. It's the way it all
10:24
Speaker 1: came down.
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Speaker 6: My opinion, and this is just my opinion. If it
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Speaker 6: was my friend, I would ask permission before I dated him.
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Speaker 6: And if she was really over him and okay with it,
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Speaker 6: and she gave me permission, then okay, like if the
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Speaker 6: friends really like I don't really care, go ahead, right, then,
10:42
Speaker 6: go ahead, go ahead, go.
10:43
Speaker 1: Ahead, go ahead, Yeah, go ahead, you need the go ahead? Ahead,
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Speaker 1: bell g apostrophe head, go ahead, you go ahead, go ahead, Trina, Trina,
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Speaker 1: you would you give the go ahead? It sounds like
11:01
Speaker 1: no way. No.
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Speaker 4: I think I'm gonna have to say no way.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, Sarah, I think this is what it is.
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Speaker 3: It's individual. Trance certainly has the right to step away
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Speaker 3: from this and let them with their life. Hopefully wish
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Speaker 3: them well, but you know what to expect. We can't
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Speaker 3: argue somebody into caring about how we feel. You know,
11:30
Speaker 3: you can make your point, you can explain why you
11:32
Speaker 3: feel this way. But I think it sounds like Misty's
11:36
Speaker 3: made her decision and Brandon has too, and that's something
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Speaker 3: that you're gonna have to come to terms with.
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Speaker 2: Here's the question that Sarah just asked. Okay, Trina, Sarah said, hopefully,
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Speaker 2: wish them well?
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Speaker 1: Do you.
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Speaker 4: I have to be honest in this moment, I do not.
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Speaker 4: I think I'm still very sore and raw from this
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Speaker 4: whole experience. I would like to think maybe once I've
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Speaker 4: healed a little, there's a part of me who can
12:04
Speaker 4: be happy for them. But right now where I'm currently
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Speaker 4: at I just can't. I think I need time to
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Speaker 4: really process all this.
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Speaker 1: Trina, I would just be gone, Look, you have us, now,
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Speaker 1: you don't need Misty. You're done with Brandon and you
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Speaker 1: and now you're gonna have a relationship with us. Now
12:21
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to patch it up with your mother.
12:23
Speaker 1: That's the one that makes me sad.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, that concerns me too, And I do hope that
12:29
Speaker 3: talking about this and getting the validation, getting the normalization
12:33
Speaker 3: of what you're feeling, can be part of that healing
12:36
Speaker 3: process so you can step away from it so you're
12:39
Speaker 3: you know, you're hearing, you're not crazy, you're understandably upset,
12:44
Speaker 3: you understand some of the reasons why you were so upset,
12:47
Speaker 3: and then you can let go.
12:50
Speaker 4: Okay, all right, well it sounds like that's what I'm
12:54
Speaker 4: gonna have to do.
12:56
Speaker 1: We need a therapy Thursday follow up with you, so
12:58
Speaker 1: we're going to hang on to your number.
13:01
Speaker 4: I would love that.
13:02
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you well. I wish you nothing but happiness,
13:06
Speaker 1: good times, and a great new guy not named Brandon.
13:11
Speaker 4: Thank you so much.
13:14
Speaker 2: Have a good one.
13:15
Speaker 1: Thanks Trina, thank you too.
13:18
Speaker 2: It was nice of you.
13:20
Speaker 1: Thanks.
13:21
Speaker 2: Yes, we have more call.
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Speaker 3: I don't know.
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Speaker 2: Do you want more calls?
13:23
Speaker 7: We done?
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Speaker 1: No, she's out, doesn't matter if anyone else says Thursday,
13:32
Speaker 1: all right, Aaron is in love with a cougar. Cougar love?
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Speaker 1: Can it work? Aaron? Twenty eight? Wait till you. Here
13:41
Speaker 1: is cougar's age. We're going to tell Thanks David. This
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Speaker 1: therapy Thursday. Let's get to erin. Okay needs help. Aaron
14:01
Speaker 1: is twenty eight years old and he met a cougar,
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Speaker 1: someone older than him. Her name is Abby and Abby
14:08
Speaker 1: is fifty, So twenty eight and fifty quick math, it's
14:13
Speaker 1: twenty to twenty two years. My dad was a math scientist.
14:18
Speaker 1: Guys twenty two year difference. And Aaron fell in love
14:24
Speaker 1: with Abby. She's like no one he's ever met before.
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Speaker 1: Okay said, I am twenty eight. The most incredible woman
14:31
Speaker 1: I've ever known. Just broke my heart. Her name is Abby,
14:35
Speaker 1: she's fifty. This isn't some midlighte fling or a cougar fantasy.
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Speaker 1: Abby's the real deal. She's divorced, independent, brilliant, avengerous, and
14:42
Speaker 1: one of the most beautiful women I've ever known. We
14:45
Speaker 1: met online, and from our very first coffee something clicked
14:48
Speaker 1: for the past nine months, We've had dates that felt
14:51
Speaker 1: like scenes out of a movie. We've closed down restaurants
14:54
Speaker 1: around us. We laugh till we cry. Last week she
14:58
Speaker 1: ended it because she says we don't have a future. Okay.
15:02
Speaker 1: She told me she doesn't want to invest more time
15:04
Speaker 1: in something that isn't going anywhere, and she wants me
15:07
Speaker 1: to be able to go out and find someone of
15:08
Speaker 1: my own age. Okay, I don't want another person. I
15:12
Speaker 1: want her. I want her. Do I respect her decision
15:16
Speaker 1: to walk away? Or do I fight for the woman
15:18
Speaker 1: I believe I'm meant to be with.
15:19
Speaker 6: Eric.
15:21
Speaker 3: I don't hear that she's rejecting him. She's rejecting a trajectory.
15:26
Speaker 2: She's looking at.
15:27
Speaker 3: A future that she's not comfortable with. It's not it
15:31
Speaker 3: sounds like, I mean, he thinks she's wonderful. It sounds
15:34
Speaker 3: like he's still deep in the infatuation phase. She seems
15:38
Speaker 3: to have moved out of that and is looking at
15:40
Speaker 3: things realistically.
15:42
Speaker 1: So the age gap twenty two years. He's still in
15:46
Speaker 1: his late twenties. She's fifty, so she's seen more of
15:50
Speaker 1: life than Himah, And the trajectory, so she's looking ahead
15:56
Speaker 1: like Okay, this guy's in love with me. He wants me.
15:58
Speaker 1: In ten years he'll be thirty eight, I'll be sixty. Yeah.
16:01
Speaker 1: When he's forty eight, I'll be seventy. Yeah. She sees
16:04
Speaker 1: no future.
16:06
Speaker 3: It's just not a future that she's comfortable with.
16:08
Speaker 1: Okay, that she's comfortable with because you see couples where
16:13
Speaker 1: there is a cougar couple, and there are famous couples
16:18
Speaker 1: even who she's older than him, Bo Derek and John Corbett,
16:22
Speaker 1: same kind of thing, but they've had a lasting, long relationship.
16:26
Speaker 1: So it does work out in the world and it
16:29
Speaker 1: can work.
16:31
Speaker 3: But she doesn't like the way that looks. It's not
16:34
Speaker 3: about whether it would work for somebody else. She's being
16:36
Speaker 3: really clear that this isn't how she sees her future,
16:43
Speaker 3: and it's important, I think, to respect that because, I mean,
16:46
Speaker 3: it doesn't sound like this is a fear based or
16:49
Speaker 3: confusion based decision, right.
16:52
Speaker 2: I mean, listen, Sarah, you just said she doesn't see
16:55
Speaker 2: the future. I'm wondering if she even sees the present
16:57
Speaker 2: or the near past the same way because the way
17:00
Speaker 2: that Aaron I'm reading this letter again, the way he's
17:02
Speaker 2: describing these things, it almost sounds like his fairy tale, honor,
17:06
Speaker 2: this dream come true, this thing. But you almost put
17:10
Speaker 2: yourself in her space and go, what were you feeling
17:14
Speaker 2: while he was feeling this.
17:16
Speaker 3: You're saying so much projection and idealization, which is commonplace.
17:21
Speaker 3: It's part of the infatuation phase. There's not a lot
17:26
Speaker 3: of clarity there, and it's not problematic. It's what happens
17:31
Speaker 3: in most relationships. Yeah, and I really like the way,
17:35
Speaker 3: it's very sweet how he talks about who he is
17:38
Speaker 3: in that relationship. So we not only fall in love
17:42
Speaker 3: with a person, we fall in love with ourselves. Yes,
17:45
Speaker 3: that's why it's so powerful, and it's so beautiful.
17:49
Speaker 1: And heartbreaking for him because she's discarded that ideal Yes.
17:54
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it sounds like the identity that he had
17:56
Speaker 2: finally been looking for in himself is gone.
18:00
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not necessarily gone. She's reflecting it back. His
18:04
Speaker 3: job right now is to hold on to that, to
18:07
Speaker 3: that identity expansion. There's a word for it, identity activation,
18:11
Speaker 3: which is when we see parts of ourselves that we
18:15
Speaker 3: didn't necessarily know are there, we become more of ourselves.
18:19
Speaker 3: The goal is to hold on too that in his future.
18:22
Speaker 2: But how does one do that if this in this hurt,
18:27
Speaker 2: he's you know, he feels like it's all gone, Like,
18:30
Speaker 2: how do you how do you sift through the hurt
18:33
Speaker 2: and make sure you're preserving that identity activation.
18:36
Speaker 3: Because that is who he is. It's not it doesn't
18:39
Speaker 3: disappear because she's no longer there. He can internalize it,
18:43
Speaker 3: and he reflects that back to himself. He's not looking
18:46
Speaker 3: for someone else to reflect that back to him.
18:49
Speaker 1: He says, I don't want someone my age. I'm looking
18:53
Speaker 1: for her. He's really really in love with her. He is,
18:58
Speaker 1: he's really infatuated. So nine months is still infatuation.
19:02
Speaker 3: Absolutely none when you think about infatuation generally three to
19:07
Speaker 3: eighteen months. He's right in the middle of it. She's
19:10
Speaker 3: likely moved out of it. If you make a really
19:12
Speaker 3: good point, maybe she wasn't there, maybe she wasn't viewing
19:15
Speaker 3: this relationship.
19:15
Speaker 1: But why would you keep going for nine months? If
19:18
Speaker 1: you know you could as if I'm abby and I
19:20
Speaker 1: feel that this guy's just head over heels with me,
19:23
Speaker 1: Am I leading him on? If I'm if I'm continuing
19:26
Speaker 1: at the same pace for nine months, it doesn't sound
19:29
Speaker 1: like they ever slowed down, and she is.
19:32
Speaker 3: If that's what was going on. She's made I think
19:34
Speaker 3: a really wise decision.
19:36
Speaker 1: To stop it.
19:36
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, But also we don't have the frequency of
19:40
Speaker 2: dates within the night. All we know is nine months,
19:42
Speaker 2: they could have gone out three times and that meant cycle.
19:45
Speaker 2: I'm just saying we don't have We need a little
19:47
Speaker 2: more like were you guys together three nights a week?
19:50
Speaker 2: That's different to me. Then I'll see you in May.
19:54
Speaker 1: Oh right, okay, all right, you know who do you
19:57
Speaker 1: want to go to? You first, we got calls.
20:00
Speaker 2: Let's go to Virginia.
20:01
Speaker 1: Okay, So you say no. As a mom, you say.
20:06
Speaker 5: No, I think that I would be totally uncomfortable because
20:10
Speaker 5: I have grown children and I would not be comfortable
20:12
Speaker 5: with my son dating a older woman. Well that's much
20:16
Speaker 5: of a different gap, like like him dating me. That's
20:21
Speaker 5: so weird.
20:22
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, So what if he's happy though, and that's
20:25
Speaker 1: about you?
20:30
Speaker 5: Is he looking for like a mother figure?
20:33
Speaker 6: Like in my mind, I'm like, okay, you already have
20:35
Speaker 6: a mother.
20:35
Speaker 5: You don't need.
20:40
Speaker 6: O Virginia like that.
20:42
Speaker 1: Okay, Virginia says hard no, move on erin Okay, thanks
20:46
Speaker 1: so much, Virginia.
20:48
Speaker 6: You're welcome.
20:49
Speaker 5: Have a wonderful day, you.
20:50
Speaker 1: Too, Connie wants to talk Connie, you think what.
21:00
Speaker 4: I don't mean to be cynical at all, but has
21:02
Speaker 4: anybody said anything about money?
21:04
Speaker 1: Oh what do.
21:05
Speaker 4: You think he's a gold digger or you know, unfortunately
21:09
Speaker 4: sometimes in these age different things fast a faster.
21:13
Speaker 2: Or maybe he's not making enough money. And she's like,
21:16
Speaker 2: you know, you're still you're a boy. You don't have
21:18
Speaker 2: a career, you don't have you can't support me.
21:21
Speaker 4: Well right either way. I just don't know if that's
21:24
Speaker 4: an issue in the circumstance at all.
21:27
Speaker 6: I didn't know if that would come up with it.
21:29
Speaker 1: Oh it didn't. It didn't in his letter. I wonder
21:32
Speaker 1: if she would have written a letter what she would say, like,
21:35
Speaker 1: I got this kid who's just like drooling over me
21:37
Speaker 1: like a puppy, and I'm paying for everything. He mentions
21:40
Speaker 1: the dinners, but who bought the dinner or exactly?
21:44
Speaker 4: I love you, listen to you every morning.
21:46
Speaker 6: I have a lovely day, you too.
21:49
Speaker 1: Have a lovely day. A therapy Thursday. So yeah, money
21:53
Speaker 1: finances that could be really attractive. There was a friend
21:57
Speaker 1: I knew he was an aerobics instructor. Mm hmm, and
22:01
Speaker 1: he had an older client in class and it was
22:04
Speaker 1: about the same age difference I would think between Abby
22:06
Speaker 1: and Aaron. And she was throwing herself at him and
22:11
Speaker 1: she had a lot of money. Okay, well, he had
22:13
Speaker 1: a girlfriend. So he went to his girlfriend and said, look,
22:17
Speaker 1: I've got this client. I just want you to know
22:19
Speaker 1: I'm not leading her on. I'm this or that. In
22:21
Speaker 1: case you ever you hear anything, I'm innocent. She really
22:28
Speaker 1: really wants me, and she's even said she's propositioned me
22:30
Speaker 1: multiple times. And so his girlfriend said, if you want
22:35
Speaker 1: her to give you a Rolex, I will look the
22:37
Speaker 1: other way. Interested like, go ahead, take it, just don't
22:43
Speaker 1: I don't want to know about it. But hey, I'm
22:45
Speaker 1: fine with it. So I don't know. It just sounds
22:49
Speaker 1: but Aaron. It sounds like Aaron wants to go really
22:51
Speaker 1: serious with Abby.
22:52
Speaker 2: So let's answer his question. Then, do I fight for
22:54
Speaker 2: the woman I believe I meant to be with?
22:57
Speaker 1: Does he Sarah?
22:59
Speaker 3: No, she's clear, she has clarity. He needs to respect
23:02
Speaker 3: her autonomy. Maybe circle back six months see where they are,
23:07
Speaker 3: But you know, she's she's really clear. And again it's
23:10
Speaker 3: not a rejection of him, doesn't mean she hasn't cared
23:14
Speaker 3: for him, deeply enjoyed the relationship. It's just not a
23:17
Speaker 3: future that she wants for herself.
23:18
Speaker 1: There's a Netflix show called Age of Attraction, and it
23:22
Speaker 1: tackles all different age groups, not just Ris right right,
23:26
Speaker 1: and but with the cougar relationship, at least the episode
23:29
Speaker 1: that I was watching, they were super practical about it,
23:33
Speaker 1: like Abby, like it's never going to work. You can't
23:37
Speaker 1: do this, just like you were saying, the projection of
23:40
Speaker 1: it is is just not feasible, right, So, but we
23:45
Speaker 1: accept it when men do it. It happens very true
23:48
Speaker 1: all the time. Therapy there. Thanks for