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What You Look For, You Will See · This Daring Adventure

• 0:03
  Welcome to This Daring Adventure Podcast, where we work on bridging the gap between where we are and where we want to be in order to live a bigger and bolder life.
• 0:14
  In this podcast, we will provide inspiration, tips, and skills you need to make your life the adventure you want it to be.
• 0:22
  Here is your host, mindset mentor and life coach, Trista Guertin.
• 0:34
  Trista: Hey, everybody.
• 0:35
  Trista: Welcome back.
• 0:36
  Trista: If you're listening to this while you're driving or walking the dog, making coffee, or sitting in your car in the driveway just taking a breath before you step inside, I'm so glad you're here.
• 0:46
  Trista: Today, I wanna talk about something very specific.
• 0:50
  Trista: I wanna talk about that quiet, sneaky feeling that shows up after life has knocked you sideways and it's battered you around.
• 0:58
  Trista: Maybe you've been through a divorce or a career shift, maybe a job loss, caring for a parent, or an empty nest.
• 1:10
  Trista: Maybe it's just a long, exhausting season of holding everything together while feeling like somehow you got lost in the shuffle.
• 1:17
  Trista: And now maybe things have settled down a bit.
• 1:21
  Trista: Maybe you've been through the worst or maybe you're still going through it, but you're looking around thinking, "I'm stuck, and I don't know how to get out of this.
• 1:32
  Trista: I don't know how to move forward."
• 1:35
  Trista: And if you've been feeling like somehow, you're living in, I don't know, the aftermath of your own life instead of the main event, it's okay.
• 1:47
  Trista: I want you to take a deep breath right now.
• 1:50
  Trista: Drop your shoulders away from your ears because today we're going to be giving you the keys back.
• 1:58
  Trista: I know it's common to think you're stuck and that you're not moving forward, but I promise you that you're not stuck and that you're just running on an outdated script, and today we're gonna change that channel.
• 2:18
  Trista: Gonna help you to move forward and give you a bit of a shift.
• 2:23
  Trista: Now, there's a powerful quote by human behavior expert Peter Sage that I keep in my journal.
• 2:35
  Trista: And he says, "What you look for, you will see.
• 2:40
  Trista: And what you see is determined by something much older and much more stubborn than your opinion of what's happening around you.
• 2:50
  Trista: It's your opinion of yourself, and people will never rise above their opinion of themselves."
• 3:00
  Trista: Think about that for a second.
• 3:01
  Trista: You will never rise above your opinion of yourself, and I think about that a lot, and I think about what my opinion is of myself.
• 3:12
  Trista: And it's probably not something that we spend a lot of time dwelling on, examining, thinking about, and then actively working on shifting that opinion.
• 3:25
  Trista: And especially when you go through some sort of major life transition, your mind automatically starts searching for evidence to answer one subconscious question: Who am I now, and is it gonna be okay?
• 3:40
  Trista: And if you're not directing your brain on purpose, which most of us are not because we're not taught how to do that, it just defaults to the old programming.
• 3:50
  Trista: It's easy, it's comfortable, it's risk-free, it's very quick.
• 3:58
  Trista: And the fascinating truth about human psychology is that most of our core beliefs about who we are, what we deserve, how safe we are, whether good things stay, how capable we are, how lucky we are, were installed before
• 4:18
  Trista: we were seven years old.
• 4:19
  Trista: Think about that.
• 4:20
  Trista: Seven years old, guys.
• 4:23
  Trista: When you were a kid, your prefrontal cortex, it's that part of your brain that helps you to analyze and reason and think about what you're thinking about and plan ahead and understand, make sense of the world around you,
• 4:41
  Trista: was not mature.
• 4:43
  Trista: It was not fully formed.
• 4:44
  Trista: It was not functioning the way it does in a mature adult Your brain was like an open field with no fence.
• 4:58
  Trista: So if a parent was stressed or money was tight or someone snapped at you, your little brain, your little kid brain didn't say, "Oh, dad had a bad day at work."
• 5:10
  Trista: Your brain made it about you I'm too much, good things don't come to me, I have to perform to be safe.
• 5:20
  Trista: Something, something that helped you to make sense of what was going on and to adapt and to keep you safe It didn't have the capacity to reason and to understand and to analyze.
• 5:37
  Trista: Now fast-forward to today, listen, you're capable, you're experienced, you know what's going on.
• 5:44
  Trista: You've survived your hardest days But when something happens and life shakes you up, your brain will revert to that old subconscious file and it, it gets back, it gets opened up And it tries to make sense.
• 6:06
  Trista: And because that programming is, has been there for so long and is so easy.
• 6:14
  Trista: It drives us.
• 6:17
  Trista: You start operating with 5% conscious willpower while the other 95% of your subconscious brain is quietly whispering, "See?
• 6:26
  Trista: It's too late for you.
• 6:27
  Trista: You can't do this.
• 6:29
  Trista: It's not working.
• 6:30
  Trista: It's not possible."
• 6:33
  Trista: So I want you to hear this.
• 6:37
  Trista: You are not weak, and there's nothing wrong with you This is your brain braining.
• 6:46
  Trista: It's doing its job.
• 6:49
  Trista: It's trying to keep you safe.
• 6:51
  Trista: It makes sense and nothing has gone wrong, but it's not helpful, and we can do the work to change that Deep inside your brainstem, you have a network of neurons called the reticular activating system, or the RAS.
• 7:11
  Trista: And I want you to think of the RAS as the ultimate gatekeeper.
• 7:15
  Trista: Every single second, your environment throws roughly 11 million bits of information at you.
• 7:21
  Trista: Millions.
• 7:22
  Trista: Millions.
• 7:24
  Trista: And your conscious mind can only process a teeny-tiny fraction of that.
• 7:28
  Trista: Let's say 40.
• 7:30
  Trista: So how does your RAS decide which 40 bits to show you?
• 7:37
  Trista: It will show you whatever confirms your deepest belief about yourself.
• 7:43
  Trista: Which, if you're anything like me, it scares the crap out of me.
• 7:47
  Trista: I'm thinking, "God," 'cause I'm sure there's some pretty nasty beliefs in there.
• 7:54
  Trista: Nasty, like not helpful And so if you deep down believe that it's too late for you to start over, your RAS will point out every person who failed, every delay, every door that closed, everything that went wrong.
• 8:15
  Trista: It treats setbacks as a final verdict.
• 8:19
  Trista: It's a pronouncement.
• 8:20
  Trista: it's a verdict about yourself and what's possible and your future.
• 8:27
  Trista: But imagine if you decide to believe and you build that story that you are a person whose story is just getting started.
• 8:36
  Trista: Your RAS suddenly shifts the spotlight And it will start to collect evidence that you're being redirected, that there is possibility, that things are working out for you That you've been preparing, that there are opportunities out there for you,
• 8:55
  Trista: there are connections, and there are possibilities that were invisible to you yesterday, but you're starting to see them Peter Sage used this brilliant analogy for this.
• 9:08
  Trista: Imagine walking into an Amazon rainforest with a flashlight at night.
• 9:14
  Trista: Everything is happening in the forest all at once, life, death, growth, decay.
• 9:21
  Trista: If you point your flashlight down at a rat eating a frog in the mud, you'll say, "Look at the horror of this forest."
• 9:32
  Trista: But if you turn that same flashlight up toward the canopy, you might spot a hummingbird giving birth And you'll see the beauty of this place.
• 9:43
  Trista: Both were always there.
• 9:46
  Trista: But where you point the flashlight dictates your entire experience of reality So how do we get your RAS working for you instead of against you?
• 9:58
  Trista: How do we help it be more helpful?
• 10:01
  Trista: How do we point your flashlight towards what you actually want to build There's a fundamental rule of human biology.
• 10:12
  Trista: Environment trumps willpower every single time.
• 10:16
  Trista: You need to be careful about what your inputs are Because your brain will adapt to the lowest common denominator.
• 10:29
  Trista: So here is your tangible, simple assignment for this week.
• 10:34
  Trista: We're calling it the one better input audit.
• 10:38
  Trista: So we're not talking about a complete life overhaul here, and it's not a 10-step morning routine, but it's changing one input today.
• 10:49
  Trista: Here are the three levers you can pull.
• 10:51
  Trista: One, stop putting the wrong stuff in.
• 10:55
  Trista: Identify one thing you consume that triggers your threat responses or makes you feel bad.
• 11:01
  Trista: Whether it's checking the news first thing in the morning or scrolling social media while lying in bed, cut it off.
• 11:08
  Trista: You can start by reducing it, but the more you can eliminate it, the better.
• 11:12
  Trista: Let's give your nervous system a break.
• 11:16
  Trista: Second, you wanna start putting the right stuff in.
• 11:19
  Trista: Seek out the receipts that prove what's possible for you.
• 11:24
  Trista: Look for inspiration, late bloomers, innovators, women who have reinvented themselves, who have done amazing things.
• 11:35
  Trista: Look at Diana Nyad, who swam 110 miles from Cuba to Florida at age 64 on her fifth attempt after swimming for 53 hours through jellyfish without a shark cage.
• 11:48
  Trista: Now, I'm not suggesting you swim to Florida, but there are remarkable things that people are doing Give yourself that hope.
• 12:05
  Trista: Give yourself that optimism.
• 12:08
  Trista: Give yourself that inspiration.
• 12:12
  Trista: No matter what you want to accomplish, no matter what you want to create When you feed your mind with stories like that, your mirror neurons say, "Oh, that exists in the menu of human possibilities."
• 12:28
  Trista: There's so many possibilities.
• 12:32
  Trista: You just have to choose what you want Third, you wanna get the old noise out and replace some of that frustration and resentment and fear and doubt with spaciousness.
• 12:50
  Trista: Listen to podcasts, speakers, or mentors who talk with unhurried ease.
• 12:56
  Trista: People who remind you that you are allowed to take your time and that a change is possible, and a shift can happen.
• 13:10
  Trista: It takes work But you can move forward again You can feel like yourself again.
• 13:19
  Trista: You can regain that confidence.
• 13:21
  Trista: You can create a life that you truly want.
• 13:27
  Trista: Spend some time there each day.
• 13:31
  Trista: I always recommend doing it first thing in the morning because it sets you up for the rest of the day And the fourth thing I would recommend as well is spend some time building your own resilience with meditation
• 13:50
  Trista: and journaling That can help you calm your nervous system, help you keep a calmer mind to release some of that emotion, to process it, to let it flow through you instead of holding onto it and allowing it to
• 14:10
  Trista: build and intensify.
• 14:13
  Trista: Spending a few minutes, literally two minutes, three minutes a day in meditation.
• 14:18
  Trista: Set your timer on your phone.
• 14:20
  Trista: Breathe in and out.
• 14:22
  Trista: Your mind wanders off, just bring it back.
• 14:24
  Trista: It's really simple, but it has a cumulative effect.
• 14:28
  Trista: It builds on itself.
• 14:29
  Trista: It helps you to build that resilience and that emotional authority.
• 14:34
  Trista: Again, spending that time in the morning is the best way to set yourself up for success during the day.
• 14:42
  Trista: And then the fifth and final thing I do is listening to great music.
• 14:47
  Trista: A few of your favorite songs first thing in the morning can really help you to shift your mood and your tone and your energy But sometimes when I'm at my most tired and I feel like I don't have
• 15:04
  Trista: the energy or something's annoying me, listening to a couple of my favorite songs is a great way to start the day and get motivated and to make a shift.
• 15:19
  Trista: And I will add one more.
• 15:22
  Trista: So this is the sixth, but I think it's important.
• 15:26
  Trista: Everybody talks about gratitude lists and, and focusing on what you're grateful for.
• 15:31
  Trista: I think one of the most important parts of that is, yes, focus on a couple of things that you are grateful for, but feel that gratitude.
• 15:40
  Trista: Take a couple of minutes and feel it.
• 15:44
  Trista: So you can tack this on to the meditation I was speaking about.
• 15:49
  Trista: Take two minutes, breathe, relax.
• 15:53
  Trista: Let your mind just not focus on anything for a few minutes.
• 15:58
  Trista: And then when you finish, take a minute or two to identify a couple of things that you're grateful for and generate that emotion.
• 16:08
  Trista: Feel that.
• 16:09
  Trista: It's very powerful, and it also helps you to shift your state and shift what you're focusing on These are all great directions for your RAS Try one or two of them this week.
• 16:27
  Trista: But whatever wrote the script of your life between zero and seven years of age was written when you were too young to hold the pen.
• 16:41
  Trista: You were in the audience then.
• 16:44
  Trista: You didn't have that control.
• 16:45
  Trista: You didn't have that ability to recognize that and analyze it and let go of it if it wasn't helpful.
• 16:56
  Trista: But today, you hold editorial rights.
• 16:59
  Trista: You have that capacity to shift and do the work and change it.
• 17:06
  Trista: And so whatever messy, uncertain transitional chapter you might be standing in right now, whatever you are facing, whatever you wanna change, if you're feeling stuck, you wanna create a new life for yourself, I promise you, this is not
• 17:23
  Trista: the end of the book.
• 17:25
  Trista: This is not it.
• 17:26
  Trista: This is just The beginning You have the power to direct your brain, and that is everything.
• 17:36
  Trista: You have the power to train your RAS, and when you change what you put into it, it changes what it builds.
• 17:47
  Trista: So today, ask yourself one question: What is one better input I can give my mind right now?
• 17:55
  Trista: Because it matters.
• 17:57
  Trista: It matters.
• 18:00
  Trista: Choose it intentionally.
• 18:01
  Trista: Point your flashlight at the hummingbird.
• 18:04
  Trista: There's so much beauty, there's so much inspiration, there's so much you can create, there's so much possibility still out there for you.
• 18:11
  Trista: Don't give up And remember, you are not starting from scratch.
• 18:16
  Trista: You are starting from experience.
• 18:19
  Trista: And the best chapters are the ones you get to write on purpose, and this is what we do here.
• 18:24
  Trista: We create from intention and deliberateness, purpose All right.
• 18:34
  Trista: Have a great week, everybody.
• 18:36
  Trista: I'll talk to you next time.
• 18:38
  Trista: Bye