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Transcript

Press Play - Uwe Boll Finale · Fandomonium! A Fandom Comedy Game Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to a lily Pad production more. Welcome
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: to the press play final stage, where we have gone
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: through the less than stellar history of video game movies,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: but now must face a boss battle. I'm Drew Shulman
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: with me. Is my beef cheek Bro the Sonic to
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: my Tails, the Luigi to my Mario Jason Wynn. Now
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: it's finally time to use all those rockets and health
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: items you've been soaring and press play one last time. Wow,
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: what an intro. I you know, I thought with that one.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: I there was a moment where I was like, like,
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: am I the Sonic? Are you the Tails?
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: How do we? No?
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: No, I take much respect? Can I be if I
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: could be the arbiter to your master chief?
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: Absolutely? Yeah, I honestly I think I have like seven
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: more lined up, and I'm like, I think, you know,
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: I think, I think. I think I Sonic and Tails
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: and a Maria Luigi is like classic enough I could
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: stop there. Yeah? Yeah.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: Can I be the yellow Toad to your regular colored toad?
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: I am you are the yellow Kirby to my red Kirby. Yeah.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Sometimes it's just wattle d It's like this weird offshoot
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: character and it's like all the fact.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: That the next Kirby game they're actually letting other characters
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: gain powers finally for the first time, is like legit
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: and it's the fucking racing game.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, what what what new Kirby lore?
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm intrigued because you've now got Medaonite,
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: Wattle d King DDD, random Mushroom Citizen and like another
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: weird new star guy with a cape they invented for
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: this game, and you can now just yeah you can
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: just you can throw an get their powers. But they
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: can all do it now.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: So just to clarify, this is not the Kirby episode.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, I'm no no. Unfortunately, as much as
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: I love to do that game where we talk about
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: everything else instead of the thing we're about to talk about,
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: because the thing were about to talk about is a nightmare,
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: there's a lot to cover this week, so we kind
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: of have to dive into it. Yeah, so how much
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: do you know about you A Bowl? But prior to
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: watching a U A Bowl movie?
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: For this, yeah, I would say because of I think
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: most people my age would have like entered a world
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: where they watched a lot of Watch Mojo and I
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: think watch Mojo has a lot of like listicles that
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: either have oov A bol as like the worst movies
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: of all time or the worst video game movies of
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: all time, or there's probably a listical that says, here
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: are the worst Ouva Bowl movie, the top ten worst
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: of A Bowl movies. And so I always knew about
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: it tangentially as like, Wow, what a landscape of hell
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: this is, but never ever have seen one myself.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Same boat. Honestly, like, I think I've known the name,
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: I've known the prolificness of like the when you think
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: shitty video game movies, his name is going to go
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: up a conversation. But the fact that all the games
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: that he has made movies for, and again we will
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: list most most of all those off I've only played
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: like one of them.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, he does quite obscure because you can't get
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: the he can't get the license. One weird story I
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: know about Uva Bowl is that he campaigned to do
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: the movie h for Warcraft, of which Duncan Jones got
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: David Bowie's son, David Bowie son, if you're here in
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: North America, he did the Warcraft movie, but Uve Bowl
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: campaigned first to direct that movie when they were having
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: issues finding directors for the movie, Like Blizzard very much
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: wanted to do the movie. He campaigned and they said,
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: you will never touch this, like you will never get
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: near this product.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: And given the history we'll go through, I think like
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: it's clear why that, why that is the way it went. Again,
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: my knowledge of him, like I said, up until now,
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: has always been sort of just the I knew he
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: made a bunch of movies. I knew none of them
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: were good and worth watching. Yeah, So for any eagle
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: eyed viewers or listeners, eagle eared listeners, eagles have good hearing.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: I don't know for any of our elephant time, I
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: feel like elephant's of good hearing any of our elephant
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: like listeners non derogatory? Where am I going with this?
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: If you like looked at the feed and you've like
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: been tracking the movies we've covered in the eight and
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: like the you look even just the basic Wikipedia list
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: we've skipped to you a bol movies. We knew, we
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: knew it was something we weren't gonna have fun doing,
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Like we think we'd pick one and do it, So
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: we figured we would, like, you know, let's give you
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: a bowl, like I feel like you give someone their roses,
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: kind of like, let's get I appreciate you that one time.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: What is the let's give him his flaming bag of
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: dog shit. Yeah, we're do it for once. Yeah.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: It was a conscious decision on our part because there
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: were so many there were, and it's in a certain
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: era of video game movies as well. The longer you
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: go into the list and the more modern you get,
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: he teeters off because he just wasn't part of the fashion.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: And there's such a bad reputation for these movies, right,
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: we were like, we cannot do this. It'd be in
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: a like unlistenable as well. And so let's condense this
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: because when we when you think of video game movies,
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: they have a bad rep We've watched plenty of bad
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: movies here. That being said, there were some gems here there,
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: or there are moments where I was like I could
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: get into this. This was kind of fun as a project.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: This is the reason that video game movies have the
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: reputation that they have because half of the movies would
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: have been ouba bol movies and half of them are unwatchable.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: And when I say unwatchable, dear listener, I want to
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: emphasize that for this week here, I didn't finish the movie.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: I made a conscious decision not to finish the movie.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: I had plenty of time. It wasn't a time constraint.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: It wasn't like my life got busy. I watched about half,
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: only forty minutes. And I've watched some bad movies. I've
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: half watched movies. I've had it in the background. I
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: couldn't even stand it to like enter the sphere of
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: what I was doing to try and escape like I would.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: I was playing, I was playing a mobile game on
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: my not watching the movie, and just the fact that
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: it was on fucked with my mobile gaming, like I couldn't.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: I couldn't stand that it was even in my vicinity.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: It's bad. I'm honest. I'll be honest. I may have
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: opened Vampire Survivor a few times during this one.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's it. It was unwatchable. It really hurts.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: It was crazy.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: We will we will dig into that, but first, let's
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: let's discuss who this character is. If you were someone
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: who is maybe not as knowledgeable about you a bowl
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: and like I said even before, now, besides the reputation.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: I do know much. So I have a brief history
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: of you A Bowl to at least give you an
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: idea of what this person is before we dive into
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: a movie. So you A Bowl. Born in nineteen sixty
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: five in Germany. He is a filmmaker. He has a
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: PhD in literature. His first video game film Like kind
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Of garnered a lot of attention in the early.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: Two PhD in literature that likes so long in a process.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: That is one of those things where it's like, I like,
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: I never want to disparage anyone with a PhD. My
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: co host and carrying awayward, Mary is on the way
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: of getting her PhD, and it's like the amount of
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: effort in work that takes. But there's a part of
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: me that's like, how did he get his? Yeah? Like
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: what like was there some nepotism? Is it?
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: Like everyone in Germany? Can you just buy a PhD?
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: How does that work there?
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: I mean when it comes to fucking with money in Germany,
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: this man is aware of it. I will say right now,
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: hell ye second, hell yeah no.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: It's one of those moments where like you meet a
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: therapist in real life and you go, how did you
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: get the dr for your name, because you shouldn't be
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: giving anyone advice.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: I don't like you, like you ever have those? Is
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: it just me?
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: No?
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Okay? Kind I mean I've met I've never had a
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: therapist that I did not like, but I've definitely met
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: people who were therapists where I'm like, real, that's the one.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: That's the one. Yeah, that's that's the one.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: Anyways, So he made this first movie, A House of
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: the Dead, and while I don't understand how it happened,
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: despite the fact that it was not well received, nor
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: was it bringing in more money than it spent, Like,
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: none of these movies were successful financially, but despite that,
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: somehow he was able to raise, over the course of
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: several movies, almost four hundred million dollars to put towards
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: actual production and movie making. Again through a production company
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: that he ran and like outside investors, he was able
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: to produce, use, and make House of the Dead, Alone
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: in the Dark, Alone in the Dark, two, Blood Rain,
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: Blood Rain two, Deliverance, Blood Rain No. Number Sammy Colon,
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: the Third Reich In the Name of the King, In
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: the Name of the King two Two Worlds In the
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: Name of the King, three, the last mission Postal, and
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: his final movie was Far Cry. There was an attempt
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: for a fourth Blood ring film h nothing ever came
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: of it, and apparently they tried to kickstarter a sequel
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: to Postal, but the kickstarter was canceled. I could not
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: figure out if it was canceled after it was like
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: fundedn't they to be fun people, or if it was
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: just like they nixed it before it was done so
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: no one got charged for it.
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: But I just want to clarify when you say it
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: was a Far Cry was his last movie. He's still alive.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: It doesn't sound like sorry, yes, his last video game movie.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: He okay, he is still alive. He is still making
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: movies to this day. He has written last Oh really
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: yeah actually very funny enough. So he retired from filmmaking
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: and has since come back to filmmaking. He was a
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: restaurant tour for several years. WHOA well, sure.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: You know you know people who pitched him jokes for that,
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: and like I just imagine like that Stern Germans of him.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: He's like, I don't get it. What is the name here?
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: But everything's just in a bowl, chick, It's a wrong place.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: Everything's in a bowl and he's like, why we can
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: use plates like no, no, but it's it's because it's your name,
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: and he goes, I don't get it. Damn you Germans
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: in your lack of sense of humor. There's funny Germans.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Don't worry. I won't go into my history. So, like
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: I said, it was his own funding, and allegedly he
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: found some loopholes in German tax law that he was
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: able to help himself secure enough to make these films.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: He actually, to quote him from the Alone of the
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: Dark DVD commentary, the reason I'm able to do these
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: kinds of movies is I have a tax shelter fund
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: in Germany and if you invest in a movie in
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: Germany you get basically fifty percent back from the government.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: So he found a tax loophole. Recorded himself talking about
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: said tax loophole on the commentary of one of his
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: movies he made using the funding from that loophole of
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: the tax.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: But they never got arrested, right, So it's like all
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: the Germans are like, yeah, this, yeah, this is we
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: do it all the time.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: This movie is everywhere I see it as one of
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: those things there. It's probably like I think, I think
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: there was some speculation that whatever that loophole was was closed,
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: and then he stopped making movies, like he basically like
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: it was no longer financially viable for him to do it. Yeah,
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: because again, all of these films, every single one was
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: a commercial and a critical failure. Like none of these
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: movies were well reviewed, Like I'm sure we could dig
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: and find like one or two positive views on like
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: some website.
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: But like two you go three quals. What are trilogies?
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: That's what they're called.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: But again it's he he secured the license to whatever means.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Or the companies were like I know there was a
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: few were like I think Alone in the Dark. There
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: was some like hubbub about like they were not happy
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: with like the movie, or like they weren't really involved
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: in the like decisions. But then he also claims like, oh,
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: they don't offer any support, any help, so it's really
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: all up to you as the filmmaker to do it
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: your own way, which again he said, she said, but
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: do you want to get to this stuff. He is
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: a very critical man. He is not quiet about the
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: fact that he doesn't like the critics and that he
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: disagrees with the fans of the games and the critics
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: who did not like his films, to the point where
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: he actually put out a challenge to box anyone who
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: had actually written a review and published it. This was
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: then sponsored and hosted dubbed the Raging Bowl. It took
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: in two thousand and six where he actually boxed. I
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: believe it was only two rounds of different journalists.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: Did he win, did he lose?
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: I only a lot of information missing, like and I'm
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: dig enough to go watch it. The first match he
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: did win, the journalist who he faced came out and
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: basically said, like, the guy is like a boxer, he
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: knows what he's doing. I'm not. And there were other
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: people way more qualified to box and than me who
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: also applied for this, but they were picked and there
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: was no reason given. Like it was very much like
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: like let me just get a few free wins in
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: here and again, some gambling websites sponsored this and actually
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: put it all on and like posted it.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: But sure, I just really loved it. Jake Paul's situation.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: Like it's one of those things where it's like it's
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: the wild thing, Like some random dude who's not a
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: boxer is getting into the ring with boxers, and it's like,
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: this guy who may have boxed a bit in his life,
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: who is a video game filmmaker and now potentially restaurant
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: tour at this point in time, is gonna box some
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: journalists who hated his movies. Beyond that, in the twenty tens,
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: he came back made a few more movies, some of
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: these actually were released direct to video. Even before all that,
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: twenty sixteen he fully retired and became a restauranteur, and
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: then in twenty twenty two he returned to making films,
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: but he has not touched another video game adaptation yet.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, because because when you mentioned it was
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: his last movie, I was like, damn, did he like
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: get off the game? It doesn't seem like he's It
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: was lack of trying either. It looks like people just
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: don't want him in the game.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: Is he dead?
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: Like, So that's fascinating that he still is in the
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: game but a restaurant tour and a boxer. It's so
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: interesting to me too that he has like an ego
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: about said movies when he knows it's attacks like right off.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, It's like there's a part of it, Like it
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: seems like sure, maybe he really thought they were good movies.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: Maybe there's a part of him that really thinks he
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: did a good job and doesn't see the criticism, And like,
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: you know what, I think we've all had that moment
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: of life where we see someone we've done and think
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: it's better than people will give us credit for. And
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: you know that's that's an US issue. But like, by
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: the way, leave a five star review for this podcast,
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: fucking segue of this century. Yeah uh, but yeah, like
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: I could not imagine like bar someone doing it for
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: the shits and giggles giving him the license to their
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: game like a movie. Yeah yeah, Like I I could see,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: Like have you followed any of the blocktro stuff at
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: the Game Awards the last few years?
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: No?
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: What, oh the the I forget the name of the actor,
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: but the guy who basically is like he like did
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: the trailers dressed up as like one of the jokers
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: on the cards from the Lotro and his kind of
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: running joke has been like I keep pitching them terrible ideas,
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: things that no person would let me do, and then
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: they just fully run with it and let me do it.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: And I need to find out where the limit is.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: And I feel like it's the kind of thing where
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: he would pitch, like you a bole, make the blotro movie,
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: like hands off, do what you want with it. Here's
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: some money, And it's the kind of like project where
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: like it would be really really bad, but that's what
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: you kind of expect out of it, yeah, or it
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: would be surprisingly decent and be a funny thing to happen.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: But like outside of like a joke, I can't imagine
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: someone handing him the license to their game and saying, yes,
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: I trust you'll do this good now.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, we've seen some bad movies, uh, And I
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: was not hates a strong word, man hates a strong word,
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: but the unwatchability. I've seen some terrible stuff in my life.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: I've really really actively read comic books and watch anime,
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: and I know that's that's objectively bad sometimes, but I
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: have a dang it if I have a good time.
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: This was unwatchable. This was unwatchable, genuinely, like I was
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: trying to, I genuinely feel up until now, the worst
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: movie we have watched.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: I think is hit Man. I genuinely hit Man is
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: the worst one we've done so far.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: M Yeah, there's some strong contenders, by the way, but
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: I think every other movie at least had and again
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: I'm a softy, at least had some part of it
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: or some aspect of it that I would be like
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: I could get high with some friends and watch.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: This and have a good laugh. Oh yeah, yeah, like
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: even just as like, oh, let's mock it together. Hitman
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: doesn't even give you that, I don't think, right, And
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: I still think i'd pick hit Man over any of
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: you ables movies from what I can tell.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, absolutely, because at least Hitman had Timothy Oli
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: fun and it's like a thing that we know. I
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: found some parts of it somewhat charming. This was like
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: when I watched this, I was like, okay, so this
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: is like hit Man in the sense that it's like, Okay,
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: they've done this type of movie before, and it's a
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: lesser version of that movie. But something was really offensive
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: to me about it. I just couldn't get to I
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: couldn't get through it.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean like when it came had to
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: pick a movie, it's like that again, Like and like
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: the games here, like the only one of these games.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: Have you played any of the games that these movies
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: are based off of No, no, absolutely not absolutely not
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: never heard of them House of the Dead only because
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: it's the one in the arcade with the light gun
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: where you have like the pedal to like duck behind cover.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: Oh okay, I didn't know there was a plot to
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: that fucking game, but it was a fun thing to
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: play when I was twelve in an arcade when those
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: were still around. Uh huh uh. And Far Cry I
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: think I played the first hour of Far Cry three.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I've never heard cry unfortunately.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: Blood Rain I think I joked before in a previous episode.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: I worked at a game stopper and Ebie games back
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: in the day. Uh, And we had the like all
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: the boxes on the shelf, and the Blood Rain box
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: was like just like one of those boxes that was
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: like perfectly positioned that was always of in your eye line,
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: like if you looked at the walls, the one you
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: always spotted. Yeah. Uh. And it was just a redheaded
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: chick in like a skimpy outfit with big tits. Yeah,
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: and it was just like it stood out a little bit.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: I think it was bludin two.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: Specifically revelations or whatever you said. Yeah, Deliver, Deliver, in bud.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: Blood Rain, the third Reich, Blooding the three, the third Rich.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: They're just implying the three because it's the third Reich.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: That's wild because blud Rain was the first director German director,
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: third Reich movie. I'm afraid to know how that one goes.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: Oh absolutely, well, yeah, I thankfully we weren't. We didn't
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: have to watch those ones. Uh no, no, no, we saved ourselves.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: It was just surprising that there was a Blood Rain
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: two and three in the first place, because Blood Rain
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: was just so bad. I was kind of jazz about
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: Blood Rain watching it because I was like, Okay, so
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: it's got damn fear, which I recognize as a term
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: because I'm a big fan of Blade. Watching it as well, well,
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: I was like, this is Blade. But it was so bad.
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: I was so I was so bummed out. Dude, you
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: watched Blood Rain. Yeah, I watched Blood Rain. That's why
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: we watched blood alone in the dark. You watch you
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: watch alone in the dark.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: No, I watched a load in the dark alone in
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: the dark, and god, I wish I had companies. It
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: was so bad.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: I okay, oh fuck sick awesome. Well, I watched Blood
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: Rain and I'm not going to watch alone in the dark.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: I dude, I don't think I could pay you enough
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: to watch it. I would feel so bad. It was
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: genuinely the worst movie I have ever seen. I'm Internet
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: has dubbed it the worst movie ever in many cases.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: Oh really, yes, look, I kind of want to wish
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: i'd like watch that. Oh no, no, you don't. I'm
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: sure Bloodin was much better. Well, it sounds like it wasn't.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: That's the thing that pissed me off. So, without getting
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: too much into it, that's something that pissed me off.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: Was like it wasn't so bad that it was good,
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: like funny or good, right, like that's how.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: These B movies work. Yeah, but it was so like
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: the production value was quite good. There was like scenes
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: that were shot where I was like, this is reminiscent
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: of like the Mummy in that era, where like I
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: don't know, fucking the legend of Zorro, like they wanted
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: to go that route, but the content was so fucking bad,
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: And so I was looking visually at something. Michelle Rodriguez
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: is in it, you know, Michael Mattson's in it. Yeah,
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: Ben Kingsley's in it, and I'm sitting here, when is
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: this gonna get good or at least watchable? And then
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: just kept going on. So that was like a yeah,
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: hell in itself.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure the only two people in Alone in
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: the Dark whose names are recognizable are Christian Slater, who
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: I know the name, yeah, and looking through as IMDb,
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: I'm like, what did you do that I know you from? Exactly?
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: Like nothing like I've heard of some of these movies,
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: maybe even Nothing's like ring a bell uh. And then
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: the other main character they shoehorn into this film, as
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: far as I can tell, because I don't think they're
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: from the Games, is Tara Reid's character, you know, the
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: chick from Sharknado. No, there you go. That's the other
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: recognizable name. Yeah, that's it. There, there are your two
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: actors with names people might know. I think I stopped
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: to look up like three others and I was like, nope, nothing.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's it's brutal, dude. I thought I thought
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: Sean Williams Scott was in my movie. It's just not.
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: It's just not him. It's just a guy who looks
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: like him. I had like four of those in this one.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: Four different times. I stopped to look at an actor
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, who I know this guy? And I
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: look him up and I.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: Like Sean will Scott, right, No, that's Sean Williamscott. When
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: when you look up an actor and not only yeah,
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: you often find like, okay, they didn't really have a career.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: There's no photo, no, no, when the photo on their
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: profile and IMDb is there still from this movie? You
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: know they did.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: I thought you were gonna say Sean Williams Scott. But
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: the fact that it's a screenshot.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: Of this movie is really funny. This is it's just
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: a photograph of a photo of Sean Williams the use.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: That's my promise. Do you remember him from Bulletproof monk? Yeah,
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: so fuck it. I guess we're doing a double. Tell
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: me how good or bad Blood Rain was, I'll tell
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: you how good or bat Alone in the Dark was?
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: And yeah, yeah, we shown compare who had it worse?
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: Ooh oh, so it's a trauma off. Okay, sure, yeah,
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: it's trauma off. Yes. Yeah, let's get some recaps out
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: of the way and then we can do a little
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: bit of a deeper dive. Yeah context okay, Yeah, So so
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: Alone in the Dark as A Game is a survival
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: horror video game series originally developed by Infogrames. I never
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: heard of them. It's now with Atari and is actually
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: like very famously considered like the like father of the
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: survival horror genre. Oh. In most of these games, the
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: player controls a private investigator by the name of Edward Carnby,
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: who goes to investigate a haunted house or town that
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: is full of under creatures. The series, particularly for its
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: debut game, like I said, is the father of the genre,
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: and the film spat on that memory and pissed on
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: it a few times and maybe dug up the grave
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: and desolated the guy. Damn. So the film has Edward Carnby.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: He is instead a supernatural investigator, like specifically like you
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: know HUD's ghosts. Oh h. He once worked for a
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: government agency called a Bureau seven thirteen, a publicly known
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: like in the film, they appear and people are just
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: okay with this organization. They are specifically the supernatural division
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: of the government. Hell yeah, men in black, but like
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: publicly no, people just go, oh, it's the guy from
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: seven thirteen. They're ought to go fight some ghosts. I
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: guess there's nothing else supernatural in this world, but like
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: they're this organization just public. Damn it kills me. Anyways,
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: he finds some relic. He's returning it to his maybe girlfriend.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: They're kind of vague about it. Uh huh. It's just
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: from a civilization that when missing. It's the key to
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: a mystery of this ancient culture. And there's some weird
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: fucking monsters, an evil plot to bring said monsters back,
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: and also some mind control through spinal worms.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, okay, so it's I it was interesting watching
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: an uve Bol movie too, because there's parts of it
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: where I was like, you know, I haven't seen any
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: other uvea Bol movie, but watching this, it feels like
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: his vibe.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense? Like you know when you watch
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: Zack side if I returned the favor?
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like if you watch Zack Snyder movie and like
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: things go slow a lot, You're like, hey, if I
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: watch Justice League right now, there's probably gonna be a
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: lot of slow.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's like Michael Bay with the lens flaars. Yeah,
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: something shiny on screen. There's lens flares enough to kill
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: a person. You're like, ah, Michael Bay was here.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: Bill Definitely like the part where it gets convoluted, and
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: there's like, I guess there's a plot to this and
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: it probably eventually gets there. It seems like one of
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: his staples. Cuz, oh, yeah, this this movie. I think
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: I've got at least three points where I bring it up,
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: but like we are given a big reveal of some
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: sort or something major happens, and then it is never
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: touched or up again for the rest of the film. No, No,
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: that's actually I don't know. I didn't pay enough attention
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: to my movie. So so Blood Rain, as you mentioned,
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: was a popular game in the early two thousands. It
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: was released in two thousand and two. Was the first
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: one action adventure game centering around Rain at Damn Fear,
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: which I actually didn't google like their definition of a
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: damn fear because I know enough about vampires. Usually it's
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: a vampire human hybrid. I was like, that was such
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: a the fact that you reacted to that, it was
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: such a my lady moment where I'm like, I actually
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: didn't need to look up.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: The definition of damn fear.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: Anyways, I love yeah, like not even in the like
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: I love that about you.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: It's like the I'm almost jealous that I didn't have
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: that knowledge, Like I love knowing weird about the Supernatural crewer.
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so they're like vampire hybrids and stuff. That's kind
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: of like where the Wikipedia general synopsis ends, you know,
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: know about the game. Yeah, there's not much about it,
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: Like there's the nineteen forties they kill Nazis. They kill
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: Nazis a lot in the video games, Yeah, which is
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: interesting because that is absent in the.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: Movies as far as well. I guess the Third Reich.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: They eventually.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: It's just a really peaceful rule in the movie's eyes,
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: but in the movie itself, like basically that's basically it, like,
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: we follow this chick who looks just like the cover art.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: I said, chick, I'm so sorry. It's because they don't
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: respect her in the movie. They really don't. She doesn't
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: speak for like the first half hour of the movie.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: Jesus. Yeah, she's in.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: She's in think of like the most unpractical but like
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: two thousand's esque outfit a woman could have as a
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: supernatural anything, and that's what she's wearing in real life.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: It's like wildly egregious once you see on a real
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: life person, and then yeah, she just she just fights vampires.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: It's the second Games story where her dad's a vampire.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, Oh my god. It's literally played like
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: it's literally under the world. Oh my god, you're.
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: You're telling me that your dad is the villain and
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: you now have to whoa. I fucking hate this. I
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: didn't even finish the movie. I can't even like summarize it.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: I just know they killed the guy at the end,
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: you know, like it took an hour and ad to
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: get to that that conclusion.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: It blows. Walk me through. What of the movie you
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: didn't make you through? I'm curious, like, where does this?
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: Where does this start?
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: Where go when it was supposed to get exciting, because
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: the interesting thing about the movie is that, like they
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: went for Blade ripoff, but they also went for Lord
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: of the Rings rip off, because Michael Madsen and Michelle
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: Rodriguez played this like trio that's very very like reminiscent
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: of Aragon, like loss in Gimli, because it's just like
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: three hunters of this affiliated organization chasing these associated characters
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: and finding out what's going on, right, And they finally
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: we followed their story and we follow rain story, and
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: they finally meet up, and I went, Wow, this got
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: more boring somehow, and I did out like the part
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: where all of our players are in play, like we
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: did the beginning game and now we're in the mid
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: game of chess. The thing that gets interesting. Things are
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: getting traded off. I was like, fuck it, I'm out,
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: I'm done.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: It's like that to me is like that is like
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: the easiest free win in any of these films. Is like,
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: you have the moment people have been waiting for, do
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: something with it. Yeah, Like I don't like And again,
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: huge Marvel fan. I love the NCU movies despite criticism
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: of them. I can still remember sitting in the theater
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: and watching that moment when Captain America, Ironman and Thor
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: like come together in those woods that have their first
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: like brawl. Yeah, like that is one iconic fucking moment
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: in cinema. Yeah. Like it sounds so silly to say it,
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: and I never would have expected that from this, but
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: like nothing really.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: No, no, because there's like conflict, right they get together,
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: but it wasn't like, oh, we have a common there's conflict,
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: there's chemistry, there's interpersonal dynamics between the various six individuals,
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: and then they have to come together and those dynamics
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: as opposition turn into how they work together as like teammates,
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: which is a very interesting thing to follow.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: And it's paced well.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: Michael Madson ball and nothing, Michelle Rodriguez, ball and nothing,
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: Sean Williams Scott who I thought, not John Williams got
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: extra ball enohing Sean william Not. Yeah, Rain is actually
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: our main protagonist is an extra ball nothing, which is
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: not the fault of the actress. I absolutely want to
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: emphasize that it is the fault of the patriarchy because
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: she absolutely does nothing except be this like sex character
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: on the TV screen. And it was just so offensive
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: to me. And I don't mean this as like a
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: woke man. I just mean as just any human being
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: to witness this as someone's arc is offensive. It's so
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: ah god, it was so bad, dude, I.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: Could I'm sure we both could go on to a
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: reignt about how like women in media are treated as
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: like a thing to move the plot forward. I mean literally,
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: I believe it's the flash that brought that invented the
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: term from the comics, the fridging somebody, Uh.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: Sorry, this is I'm so sorry to correct you correct me.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: No, who is it?
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: It's actually it's Kyle Rayner green lantern because his girlfriend. Yeah,
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: specifically Kyle Rayner, because he had like a great life
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: leading he was just a combook artist, which is why
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: this is unnecessary.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. You just need to honestly, no, no
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: distractions go. You'll keep the listeners listening for two minutes.
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: So he is a combook artist by trade, and he
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: had a really good life, and so instead of doing
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: the whole like his parents died, he's an orphan or
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: whatever the case might be. They killed his girlfriend. But
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: that's what also makes him like an interesting green lantern
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: is because if you can create constructs out of your imagination,
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: why do a punching glove and machine gun and rocket
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: over and over again, You literally have the imagination of
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: a comic book artist. So Kyle Rayner is a fascinating person.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: But yeah, like literally issue one, his girlfriend gets killed
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: and stuffed in a fridge just so they could motivate
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: his becoming a superhero.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: That's yeah, that's it's become this term for so much so,
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: like again in a media landscape where that was unfortunately common,
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: especially for female characters, to basically just put them in
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: peril or kill them for the sake of male character
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: moving the plot forward. I'm not shocked that a movie,
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: even with a female protagonist has trouble doing this. Like again,
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: I think we talked about during Tomb Raider. It's like
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: they actually didn't fuck up laric Croft, Like she actually
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: has agency and doesn't rely on men and doesn't like
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: do the classic dansel In the stress bullshit, but all
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: the movies have done. Yeah, Like, I'm sure at some
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: point any of the other male leads had to save
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: her at least once in this film.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: Uh yeah, Like Michael Madsen is supposed to be this
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: like Eric garn character. She doesn't speak for most of it.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: He has to be the one who like pieces her
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: past together despite her being quite cognizant. At the same
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: it's so weird how this movie works, dude, Like, I'm
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: just gonna I'm Is it okay if I just talk
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: about this because one rant? Yeah, Like I'm at and
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: I'll be honest, I've talked about most of the movie already.
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: I don't know if this is like an uve boltrope,
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: but it was definitely the thing that made me really
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: mad about the movie. Nothing happens ultimately, but there's just
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: so many quick scenes that aren't allowed to breathe to
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: the point where you didn't need them in the first place,
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: if this makes any sense, Like there's so many gratuitous,
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: unnecessary scenes because they don't mean anything in them in
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: of them themselves, and so you just have like Rain
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: is a damn fear who is confused about her status.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: There are these other vampire hunters who confuse her for
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: a vampire, but she's a damn fear. Okay, well, they're
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: both wanting to kill vampires. It takes so long to
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: get to that point. And then it turns out that
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: the one vampire that everyone is going after is her dad,
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: which she has no conflict over. By the way, it's
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: not like she has good memories of her father. She goes, well,
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: did you know that he was my dad? And everyone's like,
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: that's tough fucking shit. This is the one scene I
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: paid attention to. It was awful, uh And it's literally
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: like a trauma dumb scene with Sean Williams not and
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: her and she goes, she goes, like, my mom died
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: and my dad is basically Dracula. They don't use Dracula
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: and then he goes, tough shit, my parents died by
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: aer Gorn and I'm and I'm moving forward. He doesn't
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: say like it was really tough for me, like to
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: point him after he killed my parents. He just goes
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: tough shit and then walks off, And it's like, what
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: was that? What was that scene? No one liked each other,
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: felt respect for each other, Like.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: There are so many fucking parallels we're gonna get to
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: with the THEK There was clearly some connective tissue here.
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I thought, because it's so bad, right
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: and and it just dragged on, like these scenes that okay,
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: just get them together, but why are you doing it
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: so fast, and why are their interactions so unnecessary? And
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: feels like they're just reading the lines on the day
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: you know, Oh that.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: Too early, And I think it was earlier in the film.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: And there's a few specific characters who like get a
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: few more talking lines and just like one offs where
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: it really feels like they read the script, ran on
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: stage and then read the line it said the line
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: up kind of like they were even like there's someone
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: early in the movie who has a line where it's
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: like it feels like you read this on paper, and
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: we're not given any direction with what the line is
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: supposed to be because the like, the vibe that you
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: were giving off is not the vibe you should be
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: giving off in that line. It's like like again, like
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: I do voice acting, I get scripts very often where
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: sometimes I get the full script and I can read
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: through and I can kind of piece it together, but
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: then the person goes, oh no, it's more like this,
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: and then I go like, oh my god, yeah, the
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: way I read that makes no sense because I was
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: like playing it like cowardly and you wanted it like
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: a little manic and like freaked out, like okay, yes,
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: let me try it again. That's wonderful.
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: That's that's an astute observation, and I think that comes
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: down to the director because absolutely, as an actor, you
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: can interpret word in a lot of different ways. And
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: I've seen a lot of interviews. I don't I'm not
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: very into acting. I'm not a movie credit. I think
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: if you want to listen to the show this far,
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: you know that. But I've heard a lot of clips
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: where actors will say, like, I found the character and
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: let me try this, because I think the character would
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: do that right, like Yeah, there's these little nuances. I
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: don't think Ouve Bowl had any direction in that because
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: in one particular scene, again one of the few ones
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: that I paid attention to, I think this was supposed
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: to be funny, and I think it was supposed to
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: be fun It was supposed to be funny, and I think
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: the actor like he was cooking, but he didn't. He
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: didn't cook, you know what I mean.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: He he it's I.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: Don't even know who the fuck this guy was supposed
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: to be. He's some kind of like magistrate or politician
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: or something like that. And he's sitting there and he's
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: like tell him that we really care and that we
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: will get to this event. Like he does this right,
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: he does this like reading of this line and it's
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: supposed to be like, oh, I'm making this on the fly,
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: and so I'm pausing. Why did it also seem like
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: the actor was remembering his own lines like on the fly,
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like I get the joke. Yeah,
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: you gotta give it a second or third take of
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: that joke, man, because it didn't land. It really dragged on.
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of what I would call daytime soap
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: opera acting as well, okay, we've had some bad acting.
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: I think one that comes stands out to me is
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: Resident Evil, where it seems like these you just puck
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: these guys off the street. Yeah, there's a there's some
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: line deliveries that brought me back to the days when
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: I would like fall asleep watching TV really late at night,
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: and I'd wake up and it'd be like two am
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: in the morning and you have like a soap opera
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: on a television and as a child, you'd be like
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: what ah, like that kind of like fucking TV show.
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: I don't know if people have memories like that as well,
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: but it's like soap yeah, oh.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, they're they're they're a very specific like acting
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: to soap opera that is like it's it's campy, it
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: over the top, but like if you're not doing it
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: for the sake of if you're not doing it intentionally,
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: it comes across really weird. So, like, so they get together,
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: they they kill her dad.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: I assume Rain is able to summer her last reserves
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: or strengths and plunge the bolt into his heart. As
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: she tends to Sebastian, he chooses to I guess Sean
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: William not dies. Just found that out right, now there
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: you go.
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, like questions, I'm not expecting an answer.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: I'm just looking as someone was an inquisition. Was there
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: was there a threat, like besides just he's a vampire
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: and does vampire ship and we should stop him. Was
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: he like I'm gonna turn the entire world into vampires
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: with this secret weapon of mine or you know the
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: classic him going to make it always night, because that's
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: the thing that vampires like.
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, like a blade.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: I think every vampire franchise has done that at least once.
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: The light I think that's the I think it's brought up,
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: but it's the main plot of like the second Underworld movie.
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: I think even fucking Twilight touches on it at some
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: point as a plot. He's done it multiple times every vampire. Okay, yeah,
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: apparently he's done everything. Apparently he had an army, but
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: like having an army is the basic basically the same.
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: Thing as just being vampires and converting people and eating.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: They were just we're gonna we're gonna ramp up production.
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: We're gonna try to hit our Q four numbers last.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: Quarter, and yeah, they really fuck sustainability.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: Were apparent we're gonna keep We're gonna keep ourselves out
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: of the red and get ourselves into the red.
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: I see what you did there. Apparently three quarters down
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: into the synopsis is when they feature like, oh, we
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: can become basically day Walker's basically played.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: Why is it three quarters of the way in the
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: movie that you reveal that big mcguffin again, you know,
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: alone in the dark two had like, it doesn't really
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: reveal what I don't think it even ever really reveals
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: what the plan of the villain is.
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: Hell yeah, hell yeah, Like may I because I want
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: to I want to ya, No, I think, I think,
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: I think yeah.
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: So I think the thing this movie does the most
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: egregiously is so it opens with with with the classic
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: video game movie moment of like an exposition dump text
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: scrawl Star Wars style, just like here's a wall of
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: text and it's read aloud to you you know what.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: I didn't get that in my movie. Actually, I just
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: got a lot of like scenes where it's like we
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: know what to me, ladies. So I found this one
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: really bad because I'm like, like, there are things in
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: this opening crawl that are then later exposition dumped again.
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: Oh but that's not new when we do that though, but.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: Like but in a way where it felt like not
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: like we're reminding the audience, like this was supposed to
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: be the moment you learn about it oh yeah yeah.
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: And apparently it's because people were so confused by the film.
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: They went back and added the text crawl at the
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: beginning after test audiences were confused, so they test screened
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: this movie is oh yeah. People saw this said there
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: was problems, and they tried to fix it, and they
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: barely did. It's also revealed that the opening narration there
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: is actually read by our main character, Christian Slater's character Carnby,
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: who will go on throughout the movie. I believe I counted,
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: and again I did fall asleep for a little bit
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: at the end when it got really boring, but I counted,
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: actively counted these. I have a tally sheet six different
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: times that he does an internal monologue narrating what's happening
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: and giving the exposition of the scene. Classic O thing, yeah, show,
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: don't tell. And sometimes it's hard to do that. Sometimes
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: the shorthand is you make it part of the conversation,
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: do you pepper it into the scene, you reference something
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: it's it's still it's natural, even if it's clearly done
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: for the audience sake. No, No, he just blatantly has
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: moments where he is doing something or like it's in
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: a transition scene and it's just him narrating over top
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: in his own inner monologue what is happening, how he
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: feels about it, and what he thinks is going on.
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: That makes it seem like it was a reshoot that
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: was in response to the test screenings, which means that
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: they tried to show, not tell, and then people didn't
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: pick it up, so they had to tell.
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: And even with all that, I don't think I fully
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: followed this movie. And like I said, I like, so
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: I'll say where I Fell Asleep was essentially about the
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: two third mark of the movie. There is a fight
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: slash shootout scene that lasts twenty ish minute. The main
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: characters are not in this at all. They are they
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: are in a mind trying to find something. So it
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: is just characters we don't know and have never gotten
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: named for in a warehouse shooting some horrible CGI monsters
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: and some people who are possessed by weird worm creatures
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: maybe never confirmed, but we infer at least and again
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: kind of like what you were saying before with the
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: whole like no one like there's like no one really
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: shows emotion or cares. There's this whole plot point in
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: the film where you know, I'm just gonna go through
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: the movies. I'll get to it. So again, opening monologue,
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: we have him having weird nightmares. He wakes up and
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: trauma dumps on some child, literally saying monsters are real.
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: You should be afraid of the dark. He gets into
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: a fight with some like bald dude with really small
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: glasses who is I guess supernaturally powered in some way.
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: He can like jump really high and he's like extra strong.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: Oh and he takes like eight bullets out dying.
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: Is this like a does this feel like the intro
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: to like Van Helsing or like Constantine where it's like
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: this guy hunts monsters and you gotta get a little
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: short model.
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: Uh oh no, no, no, he is delivering. He is
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: delivering a vagina shaped rock to a museum that his
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: ex girlfriend works at, who he hasn't spoken to in
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: several months. We learn, Uh, and this dude steal just
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: is in a cab and chases him down and they
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: get into a fight that he only wins because he
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: throws him off a truck into a barrel of fish
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: that happened to have a giant spike sticking out of
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: it then and paled him.
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: Like.
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: He doesn't have any like as far as we can tell,
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: he has no special powers. He's just an archy. He's
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: Indiana Jones. He's a guy who's you know, into archaeology
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: and like doing certain research and just happens to be
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: decent in a fight. But his shit is all super
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: like he he believes the supernatural shit. Mm yeah. Also
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: during this fight, I love how does he get a
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: gun because he doesn't have a gun, he's just as
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: an archaeologist. He steals it from a cop, just walks
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: past the cop, takes the cops gun. The cop goes, hey,
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: it just doesn't pursue him. Honestly sick stealing a gun
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: from a cop. Dough Yeah, No, like fuck cops, but
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: like fuck this guy even more so he kills this guy.
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: We then cut to his girlfriend in the museum, where
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: we get the worst exposition drop I think I've ever
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: witnessed a movie try to do to us. Oh yeah,
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: there was a couple of exposition drops in my movie. Yeah, yeah,
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna read this one to you. Yeah, and I'll
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: give you the characters. So we have a guard. He goes,
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: where is Hudgens? Anyways, the show opens in a few
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: days and Terry Read's character, her name is a line alien.
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: I know it. I pronounced that. I don't ever even
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: said it. Okay, Oh off another archaeological goose chase. He
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: thinks he's found the arabis. We never learn what the
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: arabis is. I figure it out later on through notes
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: what it was. But that's it. Oh So he sticks
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: you with all the work. At least it keeps your
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: mind off your boyfriend. She then looks unhappy, says I'll
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: be in my office and walks away, and the delivery
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: guy goes, what was that about, because this is all
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: happening in front of the guy delivering shit, And the
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: guard responds, damn it, I shouldn't have said that her
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: boyfriend's been missing for the last three months. God damn,
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: what what is this? What the fuck conversation is this?
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: That you are aware of this? Bring it up so
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: casually and then explain to the random delivery guy and
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: they didn't banter back and forth, like another minute or
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: two of this delivery guy in this guard like it
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: really feels like they're trying to make them like the
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: comic duo of this. Oh okay, But then the next
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: time we're in the museum, which is a scene or
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: two later, he gets ordered by a monster. We never
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: see him again. He's straight up, he's just he's just
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: killed off. Yeah, so we also do find out so
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: the other player in this game. So we've got we've
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: got the main character, Carnby, who's just a gun stealing asshole,
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: who a shittier Indiana Jones who believes in ghosts.
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: We have science Lady who is just there to do
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: science and be a plot device for her boss and
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: her ex boyfriend. And then we have the boss who
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: is the nefarious one. He has found this golden coffin.
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: The fishermen go, fuck you, we're gonna, you know, steal
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: this because it's probably worth a lot of money. They
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: lock him up, open the golden coffin. We don't see anything,
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: but we hear horrible noises, but comes out, finds them
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: all dead, and the coffin open, reaches in, pulls out
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: a tiny rock and I guess he learned how to
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: sail the fisherman's boat in a storm back to shore safely,
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: and also was hoping they'd open it and I'll die
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: so that he could get the rock inside without being
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: murdered himself. Like, I don't know what his plan was
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: beyond get the golden thing, but he knew it was
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: again a secret compartment, so he clearly knew what he
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: was doing with it.
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: Wait, so there's not a central villain, as you were
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: saying before. There's not like this headway with a big
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: boss battle at the end or something.
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: I mean, there is what it's anti climatic as fuck,
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: but it is this guy, this Hudges guy. Clearly, his
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: whole thing is getting these pieces of a relic, which
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: is one of the pieces our archaeologists found to do
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: something we learn later is to open a door.
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: Oh so this is like Constantine. This is basically just Constantine.
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but Constantine, you know the characters had, you know, emotions,
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: and then it's not like yes, I vaguely, although we'll
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: get to the kidnapping children part now, Oh okay, Yeah,
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: so it turns out he has no memory from before
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: he was ten, our main character because he was kidnapped
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: along with the other kids in his orphanage, and then
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: when they found him like hiding and cowering and freaked
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: out and all the kids were missing. They turn around
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: a minute later and they're all suddenly backing their beds magically,
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: and they're like, woo spooky, which is what led to
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: his supernatural fascination. We get this bit of info because
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: suddenly all of those people, now adults, have just got
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: up and left their homes. No one stopped them, no
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: one thought to ask anything. They just you know, got
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: out of bed and walked away, and their partners were
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: just like, okay, bye whatever. Weird, But it was all
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: the people from the orphanage now grown up Woo Spooky,
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: including his best friend John, who we only see one
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: more time because John shows up at one point clearly
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: zombie possessed mode, and they just outright shoot him point blank.
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: There is no like, oh no, it's my friend John.
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: We'll have to find a way to save him. No, no,
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: I'm just oh, you attacked me. Gun done.
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: The movie does sound more interesting. It's it's it's all
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: over the place, but things happened in your movie.
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but this is where that stops. We're at the
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: one third mark, and this is where the thing was
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: happening movie. Yeah, this is like the first like five
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: scenes of the film. We then get a bunch of
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: scenes of just like him chilling in his I would
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: say apartment, but it's just a warehouse with a bunch
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: of old furniture in it. I thought it was a
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: museum at first, but no, it's just where he lives.
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: We get him just looking at the relic and monologuing.
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: We get him sleeping, and then his girlfriend breaking in
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: to like bring more relics over while he's sleeping and
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: just watches him sleep for a bit. We get a
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: coffee meeting with another one of the old agents from
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: back in the day, where nothing gets revealed or happens,
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: but just implies that we're still inconnect Like nothing, there
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: is just a bunch of scenes where nothing happens. We
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: get We then finally get like one scene where something
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: happens and it's the whole reveal of h He breaks
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: in to witness the autopsy of the dude he killed
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: at the beginning of the movie, and there is just
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: this like giant like worm the length of his spine
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: like grafted to his spine. Ooh, and they I guess,
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: just infer that that's where he's getting his powers from.
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: And then I shit you not. The random fucking device
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: on the table begins to beep and the person who
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: the autopsy goes, oh, it's picking up something similar again,
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: And it turns out it's in Carnby. He also has
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: one of these worms in his spine, but his was
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: electrocuted and died. Hmm, okay does it Is it giving
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: him powers? I don't think so. They could take it out,
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: but it might paralyze them, so we'll just leave it
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: in there. Let's leave a dead alien worm ghosts thing
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: in my spine and just yeah, it'll be fine, right, Oh,
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: I mean it's not hurting me. Hudges actually ends up
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: killing the one of the other agents and like putting
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: one of those worms in his mouth. We never see
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: him again or hear him again. It's just it's just okay, thanks,
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: That was a good scene in this movie. No, no's
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: a lot of nothing. No uh oh yes, so the
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: big twist ending let me get you this, Okay, So
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: at this point we got a bunch of nothing scenes.
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: We finally do get to this, like shoot next thing, too,
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: is like, I have a scene I'm gonna make you
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: watch because it is like clearly the scene they put
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: all the budget into to make, like to really sell
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: this movie, and it's asking and I realize, now that's
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: the first of two fight scenes with these creatures. But
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: I can't remember what happens in between the two fight scenes,
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: like clearly is this one that I think takes place
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: in his house apartment, warehouse, and then there's the one
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: in the what I think are minds at some point
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: like the but also a warehouse in the minds. But
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: I will say so if you have a moment now,
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: I put the Lincoln the in the show. Yeah, I
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: just want you to watch. I think it's like a minute,
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: a few men, you know, the whole thing. It's the
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: first few minutes of it until you feel like you're done. Yeah,
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna shout up and I want to hear your
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: reaction watching you watch that.
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: No, your your movie was better, Your movie was way better.
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: Fuck you absolutely. First off, was the music that played
• 50:35
  Speaker 2: in this YouTube clip also in the movie, Yeah, your
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: movie is way better. Fuck you are only that is
• 50:41
  Speaker 2: the only music track in the bro nah bruh. My
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: fight scenes made like the Scorpion King look interesting because
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: there was like sword fights and ship like that. The
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: Scorpion King was way more interesting, uh than than than
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: the ones I had.
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: It was like the CG in this felt like the
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: Scorpion King.
• 50:58
  Speaker 2: Okay, well, there was also like bad ish but not
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: not not like the worst CG in my movie. I
• 51:04
  Speaker 2: think it was like a trap. It was the only
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: time there's no monsters or anything. Actually there was facial
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: CGI for when vampires go vampire mode. Okay, I that
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: was that was kind of banging because it was like,
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: so the scene that I just watched featured some kind
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: of monster look like it like broke into said warehouse.
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: Everything is dark, everything is pitch black, and it's only
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: lit up by bullets that I can only explain are
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: clearly inspired by Contra because the bullets are huge and
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: emit so much light and are very slow on screen.
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: And then there's this like banging like metal soundtrack in
• 51:41
  Speaker 2: the back does.
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: This like like it feels like a video game camera
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: where it's like swooping around, Like yeah, I thought that
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: was like so bad.
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: It's good territory. I thought that was actually really funny
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: and good. I was like, oh ah, and now it's
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: an alien monster.
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: But that is like the only part of the film
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: that I had any joy with. Was like, this is
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: like a scene I'm happy to share with you. The
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: rest is not fucking okay. So this is okay. Notice
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: what the Swat Team guys are wearing.
• 52:08
  Speaker 2: Uh No, I didn't actually really pay attention.
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: I'll be honest. I don't know if it shows really
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: well in those scenes, but they are, like I commented
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: on it in my notes and then looked it up later.
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: It is literally paintball gear. Ah sick. Well yeah, like
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: in the like, imagine the fucking Swat Team rolling up
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: to fight a fucking monster in your warehouse and they're
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: in their fucking paintball gear.
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, some of these guys look like a cut scene
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: from Mortal Kombat for sure.
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: Oh god, kind of scrubbing through it.
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: Your movie was far superiod than mine, dude, because imagine
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: like Lord of the Rings, but if it was on
• 52:43
  Speaker 2: times two and like also Blade, like like Blade is good?
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: See that that movie? I want to see the Fellowship.
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: I watched that.
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like like you like, I know, it's like the
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: story beats of Blade, which in itself are bad, but
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: it's so edgy two thousands. You're like, you know what, yeah,
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: some motherfuckers do try to ice skate up hill. Wesley
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: Snipes is awesome, but it's just so Lord of the
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: Rings light and Michael Madson's like terrible. I'm sorry, but
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: Michael Madson's I know he's a good actor.
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: He's terrible in this movie.
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: You know how Erra Gorann's supposed to be like eighty,
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: but he looks like Vigo Mortensen, so you're like, he's
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: a forty year old man. Michael Madson looks like he's eighty,
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: like way before he became eighty. Like he moves and
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: talks like he's eighty. I should say, he doesn't look
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: like he's eighty.
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: Oh my god.
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: Michelle Rodriguez, she does what she does, you know, but
• 53:40
  Speaker 2: she can't.
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: She can't.
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: You know, Jordan can't pick up five five schmucks, you
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: know what I mean. He's Jordan, but he can't pick
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: up five schmucks. He needs he needs the Chicago the
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: ninety three Chicago Bulls to hit that. He needs Scottie Pippen,
• 53:54
  Speaker 2: he need, you know, he needs.
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: These supporting players. Oh my god, that is that the
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: verge of no. So if there's a scene where we yet,
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: I guess the reveal that Hudges is the bad guy.
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: He goes into his lab and like sticks a giant
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: over like it's like a storringe on a stick, essentially
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: to get some blood out of one of these creatures
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: in a cage he has, and then shoots up with it.
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: Never explained, never elaborated on. We don't know why he's
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: doing it. It's not part of his master plan. And
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: then so final so again that so there's that better
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: fight scene you watch, there's the shittier one, which then
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: has the two main characters and one of the military
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: dudes who up until this point reminded me of fucking
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: what was the space movie with a Shaggy and Scooby
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: be watch that was so shitty, Shaggy and Fred not
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: top good? What was he called star Command? No, I'm stuck,
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: remember the movie was so bad? We can commander. There
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: we go. But there's like a moment in that where
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: I remember who we were always like, oh, like this
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: guy super racist and hates the Pilgrims, and then suddenly
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: he's just like no, I'm fine now yeah, yeah, So
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: the the the leader of the secret organized that isn't secret.
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: He like hates the main character and then there just
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: arbitrarily in this scene goes like they're just the best buddies.
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: He's on the he's like the third in their trio.
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: All of a sudden, Oh yeah. But they get to
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: the lab find like this is one of those little
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: things that just like it drove me so insane. They
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: find the lab that he has the flashbacks again and
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: realizes like, oh, this is where they took us when
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: we were kids and I escaped and that I you know,
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: must have gotten shocked and that's what killed the worm
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: and all of them got wormed. Because there's like child
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: sized beds with the logo for the organization, because it
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: turns out they're the ones behind this the whole time. Yeah,
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: with each of the kids' names inscribed on it. And
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: then on the table like underwhere like if a person
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: were lying on the table you would not be able
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: to see anything. There is like a diagram of a
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: spine and how to attach the worm to it, Like yeah,
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: let me put the instructions on how to build this
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: thing under the thing you're building on just you know,
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: that's where you put things.
• 55:55
  Speaker 2: It's like when you don't know your passwords, you put
• 55:58
  Speaker 2: your password under your computer and it's just pass.
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: Or like let me let me he used to this
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: lock in my locker and then lock it so no
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: one can get my keys to my locker anyways. To
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: speed run through the rest of this, the fucking Hudges
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: shows up with a gun. The three of them with
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: their guns all put them down, going, oh no, he
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: has a gun that's smaller than our three guns. He
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: then takes the relic from them, slots in the last
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: missing piece that really looks like it does nothing, but
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: now it glows for some shit reason. He opens the door.
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: While he's opening the door, the other dude just shoots
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: him in the back end of climax in the door
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: is just like the best way to describe it is
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: actually Lord of the Rings, uh the fighting with the
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: bow Row where they're just in a giant open cave
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: that is massive and spans like infinitely. Yeah, it's that
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: underneath whatever town they're in full of more of these monsters.
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: Hell yeah, but like oh basement, but like like massive,
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: it looks like a fucking like it goes on forever,
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: essentially like it's not physically possible, but it's underground, so
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: like who knows. But like, I'm sorry the door that
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: was the thing blocking you. You couldn't have just dug down.
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: I feel like you could dig anywhere within a fifty
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: mile radies of this for more than like two minutes,
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: you would have hit this thing. It's you can't. You
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: can't dig too greedily drew. Yeah, that's what the law
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: and lose all your diamonds. That's what That's what minecraft
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: Steve taught me. It's a reference to Lord of the rigs.
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: Oh that's what they say. Yes, who editsys? He understood
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: the reference. Yes, I'm sorry I didn't catch the Lord
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: of the rings. I didn't want to equate it anymore.
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: They dug too greedily dude sacrifices himself to blow up
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: the entrance. He didn't have to, but he chose to
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: because it was better because the debt ner didn't. It's stupid.
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: It's bad. He could have gone out and he didn't.
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: We then have it against any of the harp for
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: a second.
• 57:46
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: They the the two of them, main character and girlfriend
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: archaeologist make it out of the thing. It turns out
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: it was right under the orphanage the entire time. Ah yes,
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: But also they are clearly filming in the exact same
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: location they were when they filmed the Orphanage the first time,
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: because he does go back to have like a three
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: second conversation with one of the nuns. But they're clearly
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: in the same spot. But there is now magically this
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: like random structure in the middle of a yard that
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: they climbed out of to leave that was one hundred
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: percent not there before, like not even like oh like
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: they were. No, No, it's like you were in front of
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: the house. There's the front door, there is the swing
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: set the kids were playing on, and where you were
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: standing in your car was parked. Now there's just a
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: giant wooden like one of those like exits to like
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: a cellar kind of thing. Oh yeah, don't even attached
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: the house in the middle of the lawn. And we
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: then get our reveal twist ending. Can you guess what
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: it is? All? Be honest, I haven't really followed what's
• 58:44
  Speaker 1: what so far doesn't matter because the surprise end has
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: nothing to do with anything anywhey to perform. The entire
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: city is gone. Every one in the city is just
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: just a rapture. They're gone. There's just there's no one there.
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: Cars are just laying in the streets. There's just houses
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: are empty. They're the last people on earth. Maybe maybe
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: in just the city, we don't know. Hmm, that's the
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: dark too. I am not I think there was a
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: second one. Yes, And going back up to my list.
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: Oh well, he's a cinematic genius. He understands how to
• 59:16
  Speaker 2: You got to keep him on the hook.
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: Like literally, I was trying to come up with a
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: good example of this, but like imagine, like once upon
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: a time there was a princess and a prince showed
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: up and kissed her and woke her up, and then
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: he got on his spaceship and flew to Mars where
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: he fought Abraham Lincoln. Is about the level of about
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: video games though that you like that? Do that? I
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: can't do that? I like that? Is that wildly off?
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: Like I know the games you're thinking of destinies have
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: some wild fucking stories. But get me linked together.
• 59:47
  Speaker 2: You told me about ab us dream in Silent Hill
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: or something.
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: Oh yes, Silent Hill had a joke ending where you
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: get like a gag that it's like the whole thing
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: was a dream of a dog, Like, yes, the you
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: have to earn and unlock a bonus joke ending Your
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: movie shouldn't end with a twist that is in no
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: way connected to the rest of your movie, like like
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: even in the world of wild endings, I think of
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: the First Men in Black, where like there's the whole like, oh,
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: the universe is all just in a thing on a
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: dog's collar, like weirdness that ending. But even that, it's like, okay,
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 1: we're talking about space and sci fi and like weird shit,
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: and like it kind of goes full circle in the
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: hole like ooh, we don't know what's out there now.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: This is just oh, apparently opening the door or closing
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: the door, I'm not sure which it is, emptied the
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: surrounding some amount of space of all humans for a reason. Okay,
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: was that a thing? Was that the plan at least
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: are talking on man blood rain was done. Flood rain
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: is there's a bad guy that killed the bad guy.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: That's that's it. There's no complainion. Like I said, I
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: fell asleep during the fight like the shootout in the
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: warehouse as the main characters are not present. Yeah, and
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: I did kind of like, oh shit, like I fell
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 1: suddenly rewind and see what I missed, and like I
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: just in the rewinding like seeing it like kind of
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: go backwards on, like oh, it's just a bunch of
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: people shooting at people in a warehouse for like twenty minutes.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: That's how I felt.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 2: I think I fell asleep during Doom and that's how
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 2: that felt to me. I was just I woke up
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 2: and I was like, oh, there's people shooting, and I
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: went back to the sea.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: But like, at least in Doom the characters had names
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: and like potentially emotions and stories. No, no, this was
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: nameless soldiers A through Z, a few people who I
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: think were zombies, and like five or six of these
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: CGI creatures. Did you you haven't paid for any of these?
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 2: No?
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: God, No.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 2: That is one bonus is this was the first movie
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 2: I think in this entire series that I did not
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 2: have to rent, and thank.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: God some of them. Where did you find it?
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 2: As on Amazon Prime? I just I just I just
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 2: searched in Blood Rain. Yeah I know, I sailed the
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: high seats from most of this entire project.
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I know that.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 2: But some some movies I've had to rent twice because
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 2: I missed the deadline to watch that one, and so
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 2: I'm really glad that this one was free. Felt like
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 2: it give me, felt like some karma bolence there. Jeff
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 2: Bezos felt bad for you. Jeff Bezos is a huge
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: fan of Blood Rain.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 1: Actually, I mean, like, like I said, like, there's a
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: part of me that's like, I feel like if you
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: were to watch this movie, you would be like, wow, Drew,
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: you gave it way too much credit for what it
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: was and made it sound better than it was because
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: it was not good interest. Do it? It's not worth it.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, No, what we we in the beginnings of this project,
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 2: we talked about, oh, should we do like a like
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 2: a Patreon? Should we do a monthly round up? Should
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 2: we get through all the ouve bowls? I think this
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: episode is solidified that you know, this is this is
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 2: We're taking a hiatus after this this we might return
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: to this project. If we do Bowls off the Table,
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 2: I'll quit again. I'll retire again. Yeah, like absolutely, there's
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: no there's no like unless we get ten more patriots.
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 2: That's my that's my requirement is I'd have to get
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 2: ten paid patrons specifically for us to do it again,
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 2: and we'll release it on the Patreon. It'll be a
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 2: it'll be a paid wall exclusive.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 1: I totally agree. I will go one step further. I
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 1: will watch you can choose to JOm you or not.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: I will marathon all of his movies. If he fucking
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: comes on the show.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: Oh do I want it on the show? You know
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: one of those things where it's like because if he's
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 2: if he's, if he's gonna fucking like challenge me to
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: a box and he's a boxer, he's just gonna threaten
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 2: me on my own show. I don't know if I
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 2: want that heat, dude, because I'm a I'm gonna accept.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna accept, I'm gon back down. That's crazy, though, No,
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 2: why would I you think I'm gonna decline that critique
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 2: critic guy already did the in the corner with the
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: towel for you in your water between bouts. Yeah, And
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 2: I don't want to be the guy who's known to
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 2: like stab another guy at a boxing match.
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: That's that's that's dishonorable. It's fine, we've all seen that one. No,
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: but seriously, like, if you able like infinitely insane universe
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: hears about this and goes like, yeah, sure, I'll be
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: able to show with these guys, will watch the all
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: at least I will watch the rest of these films
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 1: and then we.
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 2: Can talk for free. We could be like every single
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 2: Pokemon movie. I don't watch every single Poke because it
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 2: can't they can't all be the first movie. But I
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 2: don't watch them to go off. I have seen a
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 2: good number of them, brought it up before they like
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 2: I had a week rad As marathon a bunch of them,
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 2: and like some of them definitely feel like just like
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 2: longer episodes, liter like surprisingly fun. Like I can't remember specifics,
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 2: but like I heard like, oh, that was like there's
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 2: a there's one with like a second mewtwo in it,
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 2: Like it's like canonically they can even the same YouTube three.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: But he ma, it's it's a mega mewtwo. Why specifically? Oh,
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: and that one. I can't remember much about it, but
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 1: I remember being like, oh, like I'm weirdly impressed because
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 1: the last few have felt like cash grabs. This one
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 1: feels like a movie. Oh for free, I do that,
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: you know what. Let's just say now, at some point
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: when when when you are up to it and I
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 1: am up to it, and we want to reconvene. Maybe
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: we just pivot this into a Pokemon movie podcast, just
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: two grown men watching Pokemon movies just and analyze them
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: so deeply, so passionately of like so that point where
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: like the kangas Gong used like hyper punch, Like that's
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: not a real move, guys, And what does that mean
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 1: about motherhood? Because it is the mother Pokemon? You know? Yeah,
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: we are we endorsing like women fighting Like that's like,
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not gonna say women can fight, but
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to enforce her to. But is violence
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: really what we want? I mean of every fucking Pokemon
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: movie so far as the violence is wrong, yeah, just
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: the violence is wrong. How are we gonna solve this
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 1: by fighting our poke them on? Yeah? I want to.
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 2: I want to boog in a movie that leans into
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 2: ashes just like It's like it's like that scene in
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 2: Godzilla twenty fourteen, Ken Watson Ave is just like let
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 2: them fight.
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 1: Let him, yeah, fight, let him know it.
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 2: It's just ash just foaming up the Mouthlet my dude, please,
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 2: let me beat up that fucking Let me beat up
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 2: that to DNA.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I want to kick it soul bad.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 1: Didn't you send me that? Like a clip from one
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 1: of the later movies where guys like, oh, I'm not
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: a Pokemon Traderride is collect rare Pokemon, and it's like, wow,
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: Pokemon calling us out. I feel like we have to
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 1: just because it's the format. Were these good adaptations?
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 2: So, actually, from what I understand, because again there was
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 2: like one sentence that explained what Blood Rain was, I
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 2: thought mine was like a decent adaptation. It seemed like
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 2: the Blood Rain movie adapted mostly from Blood Rain too,
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 2: I say, mostly it didn't do most of the story beats.
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 2: It looks like the video game takes us to like
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 2: international locations. The first one was set in the thirties,
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 2: uh and forties, so we're beating up a bunch of
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: nazis interesting that that's one thing that he omitted. Interesting
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 2: ouve a mole? Are you uh a little scared of
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 2: the current climate? I know that this movie was released
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 2: twenty years ago and you're in a different country maybe,
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 2: but uh, I just find that, you know, just not
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 2: brave of you. You know, if you're afraid of maybe
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 2: you're on there the influence and thumb of certain people
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 2: right now in today's contemporary society in twenty twenty.
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: Back in two thousand and five, maybe you're a head
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 1: set the record trait. We have a platform for you. Yeah,
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: German director to ub a bull. But I have to
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: imagine the guys in a good schnitzel. There's no way
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: around it. You just kulna call him a Nazi. No.
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: I was like, Matt, we gotta get the legal team
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 1: in here. No, no, no no. I'll do the innocent proven
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: until proven guilty.
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 2: Allegedly just say allegedly every other sentence allegedly.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: Again, maybe we'll eventually have to watch all these movies
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: for a reason. We've decided, and we'll get to the
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 1: third right now, he's super anti Nazi. Were great?
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, will you you the day that we watch all
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 2: the Ouve Bowl movies. I have to like condition I
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 2: have to apparently like be able to go twelve rounds,
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 2: you know, And that's that's that's a lot of conditioning, homie.
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 1: Maybe you guys kind have a cook off instead.
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 2: Oh maybe it does make a good schnitzle.
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: Maybe that's where I find out, dude, I would definitely
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: judge the sitzel for you guys. Chicken sitle. I'm actually
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 1: heading to Germany in a few months. I'm excited yet
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 1: the airport there waiting for me. This bucks and clucks
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: a plate of chicken. That's that's the German like tourist interaction. Yes,
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: far as I can tell, this was not a good adaptation. Again,
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 1: they like just blatantly put him as like a supernatural
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: investigator versus just being like a private eye. I feel
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 1: like we haven't really had an issue with this until now.
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: But it's the idea of taking a genre and then
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 1: trying to make an action movie when the genre itself
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: does not lend itself to action. Like Doom is an
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: action game. Action movie makes sense. You know a hit
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: is it's a stealth game, but it's still action makes sense.
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: This is like like, yes, Resident Evil, but again you
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: are also like a usually someone who is like a
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 1: guard agent, someone in that field. This is an archaeologist.
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: This is not someone who is going in guns ablazing.
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 1: This is someone who's investigating a supernatural case and has
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 1: to pull out a gun to defend himself. This is
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: like again suspenseful horror. This is the Alan Wake. This
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 1: is not the Dead Space. And then they made it
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: into a like full on like action movie m like
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 1: there's no oh like too mad or at least had
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 1: the rating of tombs and there's action in the tombs
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 1: because there's traps and other people like in the tombs.
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 1: This is just I found a relic. This guy wants
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 1: the relic. There's monsters. Now I guess I have to,
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 1: you know, go and get equipped with guns that can
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: kill monsters.
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 2: Now you hear that, Indiana Jones bad? You should have
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 2: just been an archaeologist teaching kids. How dare you have
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 2: an adventure?
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 1: Bad movies? But I mean at least his adventures were
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 1: like incidental, this is like looking for it. And at
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 1: least he punched Nazis. Goddamn it, exactly. There you go.
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 1: I didn't see any Nazis get punched in this movie.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 2: Distinct lack of Nazis. Maybe we need what's the third
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 2: Reich about?
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 1: Anyways?
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 2: Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Somebody
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 2: fact checks that? Well we'll find out one day maybe. Anyway, Yeah, no,
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 2: bad adaptation. And again, like I I definitely blame the movie.
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 2: I'm not like trying to make an excuse for it
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 2: because it was a bad movie and a bad adaptation.
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 2: But like you're already starting from a downside, like even
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 2: like like again, I think we said it with the
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 2: Mario movie too. It's like, how do you turn a
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 2: side scrolling game but a guy jumping on turtles and
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 2: mushrooms into a like three D fleshed out world, Like
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 2: it's not an easy thing to do, and they went
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 2: in a pretty wild fucking direction with it and made
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 2: something insane. But like, okay, it was crazy. This was
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 2: just bad. Yeah, yeah, it's crazy that he still makes
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 2: movies and anyone lets him near a camera.
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 1: Honestly, do I even have to say is it a
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 1: good movie? No?
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 2: No, no, no no no no, it's a bad bad move.
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 2: You fell asleep. I didn't finish my movie. They were
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 2: bad movies.
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 1: No, these were just just bad movies, Like forget the
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 1: video game side of things, like completely here, this is
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 1: just this is a shitty movie. Like yeah, like I
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 1: said at the top, there's not even that level of
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 1: like I can watch the bad parts of this and like,
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 1: like I sent you the only scene worth seeing, and
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 1: it's only because it's like so schlocky and like satirically
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 1: bad that it's funny.
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 2: I've never found it hard to do my job, and
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 2: I couldn't. I didn't even I didn't even do my job. Actually,
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 2: I didn't even finish the movie. I came in a
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 2: free will and agency and said, no, I'm not going
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 2: to finish this. For the sake of this project, I
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 2: choose not to.
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 1: So that that's I.
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 2: Don't know if I could rank this, you know, I
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 2: think kind of like the way we gave Pokemon kind
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 2: of the gold Star and took it off the rankings
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 2: because it was too it would be there forever.
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 1: This is the reverse. This is like the flaming bag
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 1: of dog shit that is going to be the bottom
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 1: of the list forever and it will never move. Yeah. Absolutely,
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 1: so oove a bowl of dog shit. I'm sure no
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 1: one's ever said that one before. Yeah, not even Like
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 1: I'm curious to see the other movies to see if
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 1: they're like as bad I think, knowing how bad the
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 1: one I watched was, and from the sounds of it
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: as bad as yours was, I am pretty confident saying
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 1: I would gain nothing from watching the rest of these movies,
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 1: and I'm okay with that. If anyone wants to prove
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 1: me wrong, they can sign up for the Patreon it
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 1: can sell other people to do it as well well,
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 1: or get ahold of you a bowl and send out
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 1: as some chicken and boxing gloves.
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 2: And if that concludes our journey through the history of
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 2: video game movies for now, thanks for joining us on
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 2: the couch here press play whether your thumbs are on
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 2: the controller or remote. Speaking of thumbs, if you enjoyed
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 2: this episode and series, leave a five star review for
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 2: gate Leapers on your podcast apt a choice. We are
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 2: going to put this show back on the shelves of
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 2: nostalgia classics, but you can still check out Phantomonium twice
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 2: a month on the gate leapers feed, and I will
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 2: be popping up almost pantomim episodes as often as they
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 2: will let me manage to do three this month out
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 2: of two somehow. But if you somehow still want more
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 2: of me, you can find me online on all my
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 2: social media's over at dru Shalman dot s.
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 1: Everything's they are easier. But for the last time, this
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 1: has been your beef grows signing off one final time.
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 1: And remember, seriously, the cartridge blowing thing, it just it's
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 1: just it's receiving the cart to relignd the board inside
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 1: the cart with the console reader. All you're actually doing
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 1: by blowing into it is introducing tiny amounts of your
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 1: spit into the onto the gold pins that are very
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: susfficult to rust. Like physical media will wear away sooner
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 1: or later. You're just bringing an end closer sooner, I
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 1: mean bye. This has been a lily Pad production