Latest / Aging Parent TrapX / Problems with Assisted Living
Transcript
- Allison Newlon: I had an experience over the holiday weekend that was you know, I just I don't know if this is with every assistant living facility or just the one that my mom happens to be in. If you are a Gen Xer helping your aging parents navigate their senior years, you are in the right place. This is the Aging Parent Trap X podcast and YouTube channel. My name is Alison Newland. I'm the broker owner of Platinum Properties Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: you Allison Newlon: of Florida. I am here with my two friends and colleagues, Nikki Flynn with Elite Preparation Services and Julie Cook with Generational Transitions. And today we're talking about some of the things that happen when your parents Live in an assisted living facility, independent living facility. They have moved out of their family home. They're now in some sort of care facility, and you you are just living your normal life. You make your daily, weekly, whatever phone call with them, and things are just happening that you're not expecting. You're just thinking they're having a good life at their their new home, their facility, even if they've been there almost two years, and you just keep hearing these things, and that's what we're talking about today. So we've talked about some of the positive experiences that people have in the facilities because there are lots of positives as well. But now we're talking about some of the things that we don't expect that come up. And I'm gonna just go ahead and share, like I was saying at the beginning of this video in the intro, that something happened over the holiday weekend. We had a holiday weekend, and I call my mom on, I think I called her on Saturday. So we Had a three-day weekend, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. Saturday I call her because I have things going on on Sunday. and I say, you know, hey mom, how's it going? Terrible. I mean, that is literally what she said. Terrible. Like, and she says she's kind of it seems it's a lot of sh it's it's just it's always a hard conversation because Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: No. Nikki Elite Prep Services: Dramatic. Allison Newlon: I just I I I There just doesn't seem to be a lot that she can do, right? So she's not happy with her current state. And so when you're not happy, you're just not happy with anything really put in front of you, I think. And so but terrible was the ex the first thing out of her mouth. And I said, What's going on? And she said that she had she thought she had some sort of like urinary tract infection, UTI, right? And she had told the the person, the med tech who came by her room on Friday, she was having this issue. He said he would tell the nurse and then the typical thing that would happen is the nurse comes by, they administer some sort of test and then medicine would eventually get to her. Well nobody came by on Friday. She didn't tell me so now she tells me On Saturday, she's you know very uncomfortable. She woke up in the middle of the night, and you know, and so I say, Well, all right, well, can we talk to the nurse? I can just call the nurse's station. She's They're all gone. They're all gone because it's the weekend, but it's a holiday weekend. So, first of all, I want to say that this very I think is I mean, it's probably pretty typical, but we pay for a studio apartment a little over six thousand dollars a month for assistant living. So Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Okay. Allison Newlon: you know, it's not a cheap date, all right. And one would expect that there's some sort of nursing staff on staff over the weekend, right? Apparently there really never is. Apparently, because I hung up with my mom, I called the number that I have saved in my phone. They don't give you that number just like when your mom moves in. They don't go like here's a list of contact numbers. Like I never got that. Maybe it's in a booklet somewhere, but it wasn't like here if you know your loved one needs help. Here's who if they can't reach anybody, here's who you can reach. So I along the way, when my mom had issues, I saved that phone number. of course, it rings and rings and rings and rings and rings and rings and rings. voicemails full. I try about five or six times. I'm like, all right. So now I just I call the main like the number you find on Google for the facility, just you know, the main like you were looking up to make an appointment and somebody answers. And many times there's not somebody on the weekend sitting at that desk when you walk in. And so I was surprised and I said, hey, my mom's having, you know, a concern and I can't reach the nurse. the nurse's station. Nobody's answering the phone. And they said, okay, we'll have the med tech call you. The med tech's on duty. All right, the med tech, if you don't know, just administer Gives out pills, right? I'm sorry, administers pills and or the medication to the residents for those who can't do it themselves. So but they are not a nurse, they cannot, you know, prescribe medicine, they're not a nurse practitioner, they can't do anything. So he calls me, he's very nice, he only works on the weekends, and he said, okay, I can call Maria, the nurse. And I said, while she's out of town, he goes, Well. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Okay. you Allison Newlon: I know, but that's who I'm supposed to call. And I said, okay. And he goes, but then what will happen is she's going to say that your mom should just go to the hospital. And Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Okay. Allison Newlon: I said, okay. And he's like, because the you know, there's no doctor on duty to prescrib the test because nobody's here to give her the test. And even so, it would have to go out to get the result. And then even that, then you know, so it'd probably be Wednesday before they would get results of a test, no matter what. So she probably wouldn't even likely get medicine until Thursday. And I said, Okay, George, here's what I don't want you to call the nurse because I don't want you to spend time doing that and being taken away from other residents, right? That need your assistance. so I said, but I would like you to pass on a message to Miss Maria and let her know next time she doesn't feel good that she can wait seven to ten days before she gets medication. And and he kind of chuckled and I said, I'm sorry, I'm being Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Okay. Allison Newlon: a little, you know, sassy here, but it's really irritating. Now, also, my Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Thanks. Allison Newlon: Mom has a bit of a history of waiting until a holiday weekend or a weekend before telling me anything as well. So I said to her, Mom, when you have an issue or you're not feeling right, you cannot wait until Saturday to say something. You've got to tell me so I can get on the people. So what I ended up doing was contacting a nurse practitioner that I use. I've used her for whatever Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: So Allison Newlon: that weight, she's she does that weight loss medicine thing that you take, the shot thing. But she also, because she runs her own little, you know, practice, she had said, you know, if your kids have strep throat or you have this or you have that, if you know, I can take care of doing prescriptions for those things. And she does a virtual appointment, you your a video appointment, you fill out paperwork. It's all very official. but it's very convenient because you can do those things online, right? that We don't have a regular family physician anymore. It the Medical, I mean it's so different than back a long time ago when you had a family physician. My insurance changes every single year. The doctors that are on the plan change every single year. And so we use these convenient things in our household, but I know that my mom could not figure out how to, you know, log in, download an app on her phone, download a thing, and do this thing. So I called or I texted Angie, the nurse practitioner, and she She I filled out, I'm power of attorney for my mom. I filled out all the paperwork that needed to be filled out. She had a video call with my mom, and my mom had her antibiotic by the end of the day on Saturday. And otherwise, she would have had to go to the hospital or wait until probably Thursday. And I just find that, you know, I don't know what I expect, right? But I just know Nikki Elite Prep Services: Mm. Allison Newlon: I expect that there is a nurse or something and Nikki Elite Prep Services: There should be there should be a backup, always. Allison Newlon: By th by the way, her button was is not working sometimes, you know, that button, the magical button that you press for Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah. Allison Newlon: for the so she had to pull the cord in the bathroom or something for them to come as well and you know so those are the some of the negative things that can happen. And when I said that sometimes you can hear a pin drop. I have been in her facility and it's very quiet and it's in in the daytime. So but it's between meals. So I mean yes they have bingo. Yes they have chair yoga. Yes she goes to you know the exercise room, you know, with a therapist person. or just a staff person there. I don't feel like they have as many activities. This is a very nice place. And but yeah that weekend thing, she's always complaining that nobody is there. So you're you guys are saying they should have somebody there. Is that what you're saying or not saying or is it different? Nikki Elite Prep Services: Yeah, because it's it it's standard. Like emergencies don't h happen on bank hours. No it's it's not Monday through Friday from eight to five. That's not how life goes. Emergencies always Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: You Allison Newlon: No. Nikki Elite Prep Services: happen on Saturday in the afternoon or Sunday at two o'clock in the morning. Like there there needs to always be Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah. Nikki Elite Prep Services: a backup plan, a standby. Always. Allison Newlon: I mean, is that an emergency though? Isn't that just like when you when you think like you t Nikki Elite Prep Services: For seniors, yes. Allison Newlon: a UTI, well I it I don't think it needs to have an ambulance and go to the hospital. I Nikki Elite Prep Services: No. Allison Newlon: think it's probably very common for seniors who have to wear, you know, undergarments, you know, because of their bladder situation to probably get these. This is probably a very common ailment, would you think? Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Ed. Nikki Elite Prep Services: Mm-hmm. But when they when they leave and depending on what medical conditions they have, that can stem into a really, really bad thing. to where I've seen it cause psychosis and some like dementia just gets onset really quick where they start to get delusional, they need to be hospitalized. So it can it can turn really bad really quick and sometimes they don't even realize that they have it, they don't drink enough water. I I know that with the two. That I have right now, it's like all the time. They think, I I drink one one bottle of water a day. No, you refill it when it's halfway full every day. So don't give me you drink one bottle. No. So I I would be you are way more calm than I would have been, because I would have gone up there and I would have caught such a scene. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: So Allison Newlon: I s I spent two two hours dealing with it, you know, but I knew that I just had to just pay the hundred and fifty dollars, you know, which is basically what it cost for Angie to do her thing and and and you know, listen, I know you can do it cheaper. Like I know I you can get an online doctor a little cheaper, like fifty, sixty dollars, you can do that. But there's no way my mom could have figured out that. That technology from her phone or her iPad, it would have been a nightmare. So to me, you know, paying that is fine. And also, you know, the fact that I could just text her and she's like, no problem. And she actually helped me out with my daughter who's away at college last week because she had strep throat, literally. And so they did a phone call. So I mean, that's nice. But you know, she went to school. She is a nurse practitioner. she, you know, paid for her education. She has these skills and she should be. compensated for it. So I'm you Nikki Elite Prep Services: Mm-hmm. Allison Newlon: know not bashing her at all. You know, that $150 it was a little less, but it was worth it to me to get it done to help my mom. And I don't even know like they don't even offer like that as an option for people like, okay, if we're gone on the weekend and we're telling you you have to go to the emergency room, did you know that this is an option? You could contact an online, you know, Nikki Elite Prep Services: primary care offices, if you have a primary care doctor, they usually have a hotline that you can call that's like their office odd o off office hour line to where you can call them and they will have somebody who will still pick up the phone and have somebody on call that you can talk to. Allison Newlon: you know what, I will check into that for her because her primary care doctor is now the one that comes with a facility, basically. I think it's called like Blue Mountain or Bluestone or something like that. That they they do, you know, facilities. And I feel like Julie's like sitting over there going, Well, that's kinda how it works. I don't know. Like she's like Nikki Elite Prep Services: Mm. Mm. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: I'm laughing because y'all were saying, well, shouldn't they, shouldn't they, shouldn't they? And I'm shaking my head doing this and y'all didn't even see me. Allison Newlon: No, I knew I knew you're being so quiet because I know that there's a certain liability, you know, involved as well. And I get that. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: There is, there is. So let me say this again. This is why it's good to talk to professional when you're looking at senior living communities, because there are communities that have different licensing levels. So standard assisted living communities will have a nurse on staff normally Monday through Friday. They'll have somebody on call on the weekends, but not in community. Now there are communities that have a higher I don't want to say hire, a different level, a different licensing. Those communities would have a nurse on staff, someone in the building 24-7. So there's a difference there. With the nurse that's on call, for instance, with your mom over the weekend, a couple of things. Most communities, especially a larger community like I think where your mom is, has a what they call MOD, which is a manager on duty. It's a member of the leadership team that's there on the weekends, at least through business hours on Saturday and on Sunday so that you can reach someone if you have something that needs addressed right away. If you run into an issue like that, the med tech, sounds like from what I've heard, did the right thing, found out the Allison Newlon: Yes. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: information and was gonna reach out to the wellness director, director of nursing, whatever the title is to find out the right plan. Now, with that being said, calling the ambulance, would say is probably, that's what I anticipated that they would say. Here's why, if you're in a community and your loved one falls, they're gonna call the ambulance because they need to make sure that they're good. If it's over the weekend and mom thinks she has a UTI because of what was mentioned, the psychosis that can come on, things like that, they're not gonna leave mom in that condition, especially over a holiday weekend till Tuesday. when somebody shows up, they're gonna get her to the hospital for the purpose of her having those tests right away and getting it addressed. So is it ideal? No. Is what you did much better to get mom antibiotics? Sure. But that's the standard procedure. So not all communities are gonna have a nurse. They are gonna have, well, let me say this. Most communities have what we call an awake staff. There's always somebody there awake and available 24 seven. Smaller care homes don't always have that. So these are things to consider when you're looking at a place for your loved one. The other thing to consider is, is there a nurse in the building 24-7, or is there a nurse Monday through Friday, business hours, but someone on call to either call the ambulance, check on a prescription, reach out to the doctor, et cetera. Allison Newlon: Yeah, I think I think that's a very that is a question like if you are watching this and you are considering finding a place and and hopefully calling Julie to help you, that find out about the nurse. Find out about if there is somebody available 247 and because that is something I did not do. I did not do that and I I wish that I did, because you know, I mean let's face it, somebody who a f a woman in their eight Experiencing certain symptoms, you know, we're we're not dum-dums here, right? We that we may know that with Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah. Allison Newlon: a pretty good certainty that this is what we Nikki Elite Prep Services: Yeah. Allison Newlon: have. And the same with like a strep throat situation. I feel like there's a lot of things that we've gone to the doctors for in the past. That are con become more common and we know the symptoms. And you know, I I don't know what I guess what I'm saying is she had a UTI and she knew she had a UTI and she needed to be treated for the UTI. Why are making this way more complicated? I guess I know there's Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah. Allison Newlon: a liability thing, but there could have been if the facility had a nurse, had a nurse on staff, a nurse practitioner, somebody that could make a better decision than, hey, let's do ambulance. Let's do this. She's you know, she's at the beginning stages of I I you know, I get it. I get both sides of it. I just feel like some of it is a w it's way wasteful. Wasteful to put somebody in an ambulance. Wasteful to, you know, it's traumatic. Just give her some Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: It is. Allison Newlon: penicillin and let's be done with it, you know. I know. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: but you can't and I know you know that, but you can't just say, you think you have this, okay, here, here's some anime. You can't do that. Allison Newlon: Well that but a nurse practitioner could reasonably do a test, you know. it was what I'm saying is if somebody was there on staff, th it could be. But I know, I know. But I this is what we're saying. This this is what to Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: And so that's the other thing. Well, and Allison Newlon: expect. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: yeah, and the other thing, so when you're looking at a senior living community, these communities that have a higher licensing level than a standard assisted living, because I also have seniors that I work with who are diabetics, if you're in assisted living, unless they have a higher level, they're not able to administer the insulin injection. They can set the pen for you. but you have to do your own injection, where if you have a community that has a higher licensing level, then the nurse is able to administer that insulin injection for you. So I'm glad we're having this conversation, because those are important things for folks to know if you're looking at a senior living community for a mom and dad, and you may not even think about it. Those are things to consider. Allison Newlon: Yeah. They they they are. And you know, and the the little things like the food doesn't taste great, of course it's gonna be different than the food that you made, right? They it's h heart healthy, it's not salted. I don't even think there's salt on the table. If you wanna want salt, you're you need to bring it with you. You need to sneak it in. You don't really need to sneak it in. You're you Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: You Allison Newlon: are allowed to salt your own food, but they make it more bland to accommodate more people and their dietary needs. my mom would love to get more than one shower a week, but that's what they get here, you know, and sometimes they're a day late. And again, this is a very nice facility and it kind of makes you go, you know, like that. But I mean, but for me hiring somebody else to come in and do that, I can't do that. I can't go in there and do that. I'm not equipped to. I don't want to. Nikki Elite Prep Services: You don't want to. You don't want to. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah, Nikki Elite Prep Services: No. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: no. Allison Newlon: I I Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: And it's personal, so that's uncomfortable. But then there's also Allison Newlon: Yeah. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: the odds that if you're trying to help mom in and out of the shower and she were to fall, that would be terrible. Just the, yeah, Allison Newlon: Yeah. Yep. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: I get it. Allison Newlon: So but that that's something if somebody lived alone and you know they could bathe whenever they wanted within reason, you know, and maybe they were taking risks. you know, and that's when slip and falls happen and people break hips and stuff, but they were able to make that decision and now they're like waiting until Saturday until the person comes. Nikki Elite Prep Services: Yeah. Allison Newlon: doing their laundry. you know, that's included, but sometimes, you know, it comes back and it's a little damper than you'd like, according to my mom. those are some things. and even getting the room cleaned, you know, that's supposed to happen on a pretty frequent basis. But I think Nikki Elite Prep Services: So Julie, l like how when Alison is doing her realtor stuff, she always asks people like, Okay, what are you looking for in a home? Do you have like a little checklist like that? Can you say, Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Absolutely. Nikki Elite Prep Services: I want showers every other day, not once a week. I want like can you physically do that? Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Absolutely. That's part of it. We call it discovery. And that's what I mentioned in the beginning. When I first sit down and talk to people, that's what I want to know. I want to know your back story first. And then if you need help with something, what do you need help with? And do you want, showers, once a week is kind of odd. Normally it's twice a week. But those type of things, if you need help with that, is twice a week good? Do we need to see if you pay a little bit extra because you want to shower every other day? Absolutely. Those are things we ask. Allison Newlon: I'm gonna have to look into that some more because I, you know, I these are the guilt feelings that we have as, as our aging parents are in facilities like this and you have guilt because I I've never done this before. I don't know what is right, what is wrong, what to expect. My mom says that she thinks that they have a great deal of like turnover. It seems like people call out of work quite often. And so she always feels like they're short staff. Now, I don't know if that's true or not. When I have a I've had an issue, I've I've emailed the big boss, the lady who helped me select the unit and the nurse. I just I email them all three because I don't want just to email like the nurse and then nobody else be C C'd on the email and not know like and she's like, I never got your email. So I just email all three of them. and that happened I can't even remember what the issue was. It was the week before. my mom Mom pushed the button, she couldn't get up off the out of off the toilet. And she pulled the string or whatever, and nobody or something. Something she couldn't get her pants up. Something, I don't know, but she needed help and nobody came. Nobody came. She managed to Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Mm. Allison Newlon: finally do it after a very long period of time. And she went out to find someone to say, hey, I called for help and nobody came. And she said the person was on a personal phone call. on a cell phone on a personal Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Thanks. Allison Newlon: phone call. And I so I told the nurse and the boss and the you know, salesperson, like I I was like, here's what I've been told to happen. I don't know, but you need to look into it 'cause I what I do know is that nobody came, you know. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah, that's an issue. And if her call button is not working, that's an issue. That's very important. Allison Newlon: It is. Seems like I need some I need to send a message over to Julie. I have a a place in mind that her physical therapist mentioned that the physical therapy people go from place to place to place very often I guess. And she said, you know, you might want to check out this other place. But the wor you know, that's a scary thought. That's a scary thought, packing up all that stuff and moving, then she has to make all new friends and everything, you know. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yep, yep, yep. Yeah, it is. Allison Newlon: I don't know what's worse, moving the first time or having to move a second time. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: It is and you want her to be happy. So that's why if you're if you're looking at that and I'll help you with that. you now now, you know all the questions to ask. These are the things I Allison Newlon: Now I know. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: have some experience under my belt. I have some questions. Yeah. Allison Newlon: And that is why that is why we Nikki Elite Prep Services: Mm-hmm. Allison Newlon: are here talking about this, because I found that there was a lack of information out there. well, so if this is something that you're going through and you need some help finding a good assistant living, independent living, memory care place, you need help with dealing with your parents' family home that they had to move out of, or if you need help with your document preparation for your parents, for yourself, for wills, trust, etc., you have found the right place. And the right people in the greater Tampa Bay area. Our contact information will be in the comments below. Thank you for watching.