Latest / Birthright: Physiological Birth Stories / 53hr labor in Finland to my first born son! Receiving prenatal care in 2 different countries

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53hr labor in Finland to my first born son! Receiving prenatal care in 2 different countries · Birthright: Physiological Birth Stories

• Taylor: Welcome back to the second episode of the Birthright Podcast. I am so excited that you're back. And as promised, I am here to deliver my first baby's birth. story And so before we get into this one, I kinda wanna tell a little bit of who I was before I became a mom. I've always been super natural minded. I mean not to the degree that I am today. Obviously I've really evolved a lot, but I've always been just a little bit more natural. for example, if I would come home with a headache from school, my mom would offer me ibuprofen and I would be like, You're crazy woman, I'm not taking that. I'll just go try to nap this off. but then also my dad, if we were sick growing up, if we had a cough, he would give us whiskey and honey. Like there was no such thing as cough syrup unless my mom was giving it to us. And I don't know, I think I get a lot of that from his side and how he grew up. But anyways, yeah. I always thought I was a healthier person. I stopped drinking soda in eighth grade because I heard it was bad. I didn't understand. I knew that I had a lot of sugar and stuff. I never I didn't know exactly why. I just knew it wasn't good for me and I stopped drinking it. I always had a lot of willpower when it came to that kind of stuff. But I would still drink Gatorade and stuff. So, you know, it's it is what it is. And then I thought I was healthy because I was eating a grilled chicken sandwich from Sonic instead of the crispy. Which is kinda funny 'cause it's still sonic, you know. But anyways, I have always been try trying to be like aware of what I consumed. just I didn't have a lot of the information that I really needed, at the time. But I was doing my best, as always. Okay. another thing is I always knew I wanted to be a mom. it was always in the back of my head. I remember being 16 years old and just I felt so lost in life because I felt like I had to match society's vision of being successful. I just I didn't know I was gonna major in because and I changed my major so many times because my mom, she was a para growing up and so she always had the same schedule as me and my siblings. And so we always had those fun summers with her and spending time as a family and well my dad was working but We always got those summers with her and honestly they were so deeply cherished and I just I could not see myself leaving my kids. And I remember I had friends, even when I got to college, I'm like, Well, I think I need to change my major again because I this isn't gonna work for my future kids. And they would be like, think about yourself now. Like, you don't even have kids yet. Why are you so worried about it? And I'm like, No, but that's what I want. I always told people I wanted six kids and I have four now, but my youngest is one, so you never know. But I always remember telling people I wanted six kids and like one of my friends actually told me that like later on in life, told me that she thought I was just doing it's a good attention and so when she found out that 'cause we had like reconnected, when she found out that I had four kids She's like, you really weren't lying. And I'm like, No, I've always wanted to be a mom. Like, this is my calling in life. I know what I want to do. And so, yeah, that's a little backstory, I guess. I just thought it was kind of funny because I always tried to fit in and I never needed to, but I didn't know that. And so yeah, but ultimately I met my husband. We met in the summer of twenty sixteen. He came home from France. He had already been overseas for two years playing basketball. And he played at Kansas State. And I also was on the rowing team at Kansas State, but we never met until after he graduated. I didn't even know who he was 'cause the timing, like he left and I came and so we never met each other until that summer when he had came back and he had gotten my number and then he was gone. Like he went to no, the first year he had came home from being in Finland and then he went to France. And so the whole time he was in France, we were basically like pen pals. That's what I told him what I considered him. And I never because he was gone. all the time. I never thought that it was gonna ever be anything real. And so we actually like he was like one of the only people that I had opened up to just because I felt like it wasn't I didn't have to be like afraid of showing who I was which is so weird. But I just opened up to him a lot and that was not something that I really did back then. and so I Yeah, we were basically pimpels for that whole year. And then he came home that summer and he needed a place to stay. And so he asked me if he could stay with me. And I was like, sure, of course. I my roommate had like subleased to some random dude. And I was in that house with a guy I didn't know. We never even talked. And so it was It felt nice to have him there. a lot of people might think that's weird just to have him move in, but I mean it worked out for us. And so he moved in and we spent the whole summer together and it was we had a lot of fun and I remember being like devastated when he had to leave. I could not believe that I had let myself get in. Not like too deep, but like it kinda felt deep with him. And so he ended up going back to Finland for his second time but third year. And I would say by September he left in late August and by late September he asked me if I would move to Finland with him. And so I was like, yeah. Let's do it. We had to figure out some like logistics. I was in the Army National Guard. I had to get discharged and everything and I n had to figure out like how we were gonna pay my car note and then I had to sublease my apartment at the time and I mean I just figured everything out and we did it together. And after That I remember I moved to Finland in twenty seventeen on November first and I got there and there was like everything was just covered in snow and I'm just like, what did I just get into? This is so this is so crazy. And I never like literally my travel goals for my life was to just visit all fifty states. I never imagined going anywhere outside of the US besides Mexico because I had already been outside I've ar had already been to Mexico. But yeah, it was just so different for me. Especially just coming from a small town in Kansas, I never thought my life would be how it has turned out. But yeah, so I get there and you know we Really, because we were it was it was basically like us, I like to say it was like us on a island, even though we were in not on a island at all. We basically had we were isolated and so we really learned each other very quickly and with his basketball schedule, he had a lot of free time honestly and so we really got through that good, bad and ugly pretty quick. and realized like okay we wanna do this together and so we decided we wanna get we were gonna get married when we got home when we got back to the States in the summer because he always has a break in the summer. And so because we knew we were gonna get married, we already knew what we wanted in this life together. We had talked about it. And so we started trying to conceive and it took us like six months. We we I wasn't getting pregnant. I basically when we as soon as we got home, I got like really sick. and it I just had hypothyroidism, but my body like was so numb, I could barely walk, I could barely stand without a headache. I mean, there were so many things going wrong in my body, there was no way I could have carried a child. and so I went to the doctor and at first they thought I had like MS because of my symptoms and just with how bad it was. And so we I get my medication and I was like so upset and 'cause they told me I would have to be on it for my whole life and I'm just like I'm not going to do that. But we're gonna take it for now. And that's what I did. I decided that I was going to figure this out so that I would not have to be on the medication. but then I started taking the medication and we went to Mexico because he was in a summer league there. So we were in Mexico for a while and then once we got back from Mexico we got married in a courthouse and because we were not A gonna spend that much money on a wedding. And B, we needed to do it soon because we were about to be back overseas. And so, some people did not agree with that. Every I think some people thought we and our families were kind of irresponsible with that, but nobody experienced what we experienced in Finland together. And so we knew what we wanted. And so we went and got married in the courthouse. And Honestly, we've had a very beautiful marriage without all of the money and pictures and everything that people think that they need to have a successful marriage or and or wedding, you know. I think people just kinda do it. Not everybody, but some for like the Instagram gratification or whatever it is. I don't know. but anyways, we got married and Eleven days later I found out that I was pregnant and I we were so happy and it was so funny because I automatically knew that I was pregnant because we were sitting at my grandma, we call her Mimi, her table, and my aunt and uncle were there and I don't remember now what we were talking about. But I remember it would not being something that was it wasn't something that I needed to cry about, but I did. Like I broke down in tears and now thinking about it now, it's kind of embarrassing. But I was sitting there like that night and I'm like, why didn't I break down crying like that? And then the next morning I took a test and boom, it like lit up. And so yeah. Then I was crying because we were leaving to go to Turkey. And I wasn't expecting it to be so soon. And I had to do so much. Like we think we got married and then we found out I think we literally had like a week after we got married, we found out we were going to Turkey. And then like a week later, I'm like trying to like scramble and pack everything up. And that's when I found out I was pregnant. And so Then I think like two or three days later after I found out we are on a airplane to Turkey and yeah, it was just a whirlwind of emotions for me. And so for most of well, I would say like half of my pregnancy, we were in Turkey. And let me tell you, it was so miserable. I was throwing throwing up like five times five to six times a day, I was so miserable. It was so hot when we got there and the AC in our apartment didn't work the best and adjusting to a new culture, new food, and I was so not aware of like the poultry adversion. my gosh. I remember making barbecue chicken legs for my husband and when I pulled them out well it was supposed to be for both of us, but I pulled the chicken out of the package and And I'm like, these are rotten and I was so upset because I thought that it was just like they didn't take good care of the chicken 'cause sometimes other countries don't have the best they're not super up to code with food safety. And so I wasn't sure if turkey was or not, but I was convinced that it wasn't after that. And I had my husband come and smell the chicken and he's like, It tastes f it smells fine, it just s smells like, raw chicken. He was like, Can you please still make it? And I'm like, You you want to eat this chicken, I don't understand. And so then I make the chicken, I cook it, and I'm like, maybe it's just because it's not cooked, I don't know. And I take it out of the oven and even with the barbecue sauce and all the seasonings, it still smells rotten. And I'm like, dude, you can't eat this. And he's like, I'm going to eat it 'cause it smells so good. And I'm like, What's wrong with you? All this time, it's just me being pregnant and I didn't understand because I unfortunately kind of approached this pregnancy as I want to, you know, I was so naturally minded that I didn't want to listen to any kind of like outside. Like the only thing that I had for this pregnancy was like the what to expect app and knowing what developmental stage my baby was at. I wasn't super interested in learning anything. Not in a not in a bad way, but just in a way that I just wanted to be able to listen to my intuition and what I needed and listen to my body and what my baby needed. That was how I was thinking. Because everyone in my family is very pro Western medicine, especially at that time. And I just I wasn't here for it. And it kind of backfired in the end. So keep listening and you'll understand why and what I mean by that. and so yeah, where was I at? Okay, so I received most of my care in Turkey and Every appointment I went to, they literally gave me an ultrasound. Kind of loved it as a first time mom. Like I'd felt like, I loved seeing my baby and everything. not so much anymore. But I'm gonna try to tell it as much as I can from that point of view, like the innocence and the just going with the flow state of that twenty two, twenty three year old girl, like I don't know, trying to navigate this big thing in a foreign country. and so yeah, I loved the ultrasounds at the time. I remember the doctor had and it was kind of like annoying because we had to have a translator go into every appointment with us and it was two men and my husband and I just felt kinda uncomfortable with that. And especially having like this translator in there and and 'cause we were kinda like close with him and everything, but not like that close when it comes to medical things. And so I remember I had they wanted me to take amniotic fluid out because my son, I think he had like a hole in his heart and the doctor told me, it's probably not a big deal, but I think that you should still do this. And I'm like, Okay. And I just remember like bawling 'cause it felt so wrong to do. And he was like, You need to calm down. It's okay. And I'm like, Yeah, to you it is like you do this all the time. This is me and my baby. But yeah, anyways the care in Turkey was just that it was like every single appointment, like I said, an ultrasound to just tell me everything was okay, basically. That's really all of the type of care that I had there. I had like labs every now and then and stuff. But then I ha I did have to do like the glucose, the sugar water. And I remember that I was so sick. And throwing up so much that the doctor literally got mad at me because I threw up that sugary drink twice. I could not keep it down. I was outside the hospital throwing up all over the place because there was no trash and you cannot like stop. You can't stop throw up. And my husband, he I remember he's just like standing there next to me, kind of embarrassed because I can there's nothing I can do. And I'm just throwing up outside and he's like, You really can't keep it down and I'm like, dude, if I would, I could. Like this is the most disgusting thing I've ever done. And yeah, that was that was miserable. I remember there was even times that I was so sick. We would be in the grocery store and I would have to we there's this one time specifically that I'm thinking about. we were in this grocery store and I all of a sudden it's coming and I have to run. And so I'm running. I'm like at the very opposite side of the store. And the restroom is at the very front. First of all, I didn't even know where the restroom was because obviously I haven't really been to the store that much. I'm like trying to find the restroom. And so I finally see like the WC and I'm running. And I find a trash can in the middle of the store and I just am literally throwing up all in this trash can, dry heaving everything. And people are passing by me and I like nobody's really paying me any attention, but I just remember being like, my gosh, this is my life right now. I am in a foreign country throwing up in the middle of a grocery store in a trash can and people are just walking by like this is So crazy. And so anyways, I ended up throwing up and I felt fine. Like I would feel so good after throwing up. And 'cause I would just feel so messed up. And I don't know if any of you have heard of German New Medicine, but they say throwing up a lot in pregnancy and especially the first trimester is feeling a lack of resources or a lack of help. And I think that being a first time mom pregnant in a foreign country could be a major reason I was experiencing such crazy morning sickness. yeah, I just think that's really interesting. so here we are in Turkey and then ended up leaving Turkey. That's kind of basically my story in Turkey. But we end up leaving because They were three months behind on my husband's payments. And obviously, we're about to have our first child. We need these paychecks coming in, and we're not going to sit around and wait for them. It was very unfortunate. We honestly did love it there. Turkey was a very beautiful country. So many sights to see. the malls were insane. The food was not good for me that time, but it's really because I just couldn't keep anything down. I literally survived off of apples, oranges, measmiq measmix soup, which is basically like lentil soup. sour candy. that's like the only things I could keep down. It was very hard for me to eat anything. But my husband absolutely loved, loved, loved their food. so he was very sad. And their team was thirteen and undefeated. I mean we loved the other American family th that was there with us. very unfortunate situation. But then we went home for a week and a week later we fly to Finland because that was kind of like our home, our basketball home. And so we get to Finland and I am about halfway Closer to my third trimester, but a little over halfway of my pregnancy. And I am just like, okay, severe nesting kicked in, and I just felt like I needed to get my life together and I'm in a new country again. And I mean it wasn't super new, but new for this time being. And so we get to Finland and I'm like, okay, ASAP, find me care. I need to figure out where I'm gonna give birth to this baby, all the above. And at that point I had never heard of like home birth or even a midwife, but in Finland they have midwifes but they're in hospitals. they do have home birth midwives, but I was not aware of such thing at that point. And so as soon as I get there, it's like a drastic difference from my care in Turkey, they never ever ever once gave me an ultrasound. They were basically like, Yeah, he's he's fine, you know, you don't need that. And I'm like, okay, well I thought I did, you know, just because, that's the care I had been receiving. So it made me a little bit nervous to be honest. I'm very grateful they didn't. honestly, 'cause it opened my eyes up to like, you don't really need that, you know. But all they would do was palpate my belly and check my weight, all the good vital stuff, nothing too crazy. And I only saw them twice before giving birth to him. they were very hands off. not worried at all. They're like, if anything worries you, just let us know. And I'm like, okay, that's great. I went and visited the hospital which was forty five minutes away. We were in a town called Kovala and the hospital that I gave birth in was in Kotka. And so yeah, it was like a forty five minute drive. And it was cool. Like I was like, this is so nice. They have these rooms after you give birth, it's basically like a mini hotel room and you and your husband get to stay in there for three days and I just thought it was like the most greatest thing ever, 'cause I didn't had never heard of something like this in the US. And so, fast forward I get to one thing about Turkey, before I forget, is I had people there, like the C-section rate is so high and I started to get nervous because my doctor was I was very clear with him, like I want a natural birth. And he started saying Hey, we can set up your induction appointment if you would like. And I'm just like, what have you not heard or understood from me? I was like so happy we were leaving there just because he started making me feel really uncomfortable. But anyways Back to Finland. I got to forty weeks and they I had like an appointment and they basically were like, Hey, we're going to induce you at 40 and six. So if you don't go into labor by 40 and six, you'll come in on that Friday and have your baby. And I'm just like, great. And I had like some family that were just like, my gosh, you know. I'm so happy you're getting the induction, that's the best thing. And I'm just like I did not feel good about it at all. I remember I would like go outside and walk and there was still snow on the ground. He was born in April. There was still snow on the ground and I would just walk the whole time my husband was at practice because it was the best way for me to connect with my son but also be outside and be active during my pregnancy. And especially in those final days I definitely needed to get my mind off of what was about to happen, but I also didn't really know what to expect. I was very cocky. I really fully, fully, fully believed that I had this thing and I was not weak and that because I was an athlete my whole life that, you know other women are weak and I mean I'm being so for real. This is literally my thoughts. It's so crazy to think now. But I was just very naive and honestly like cocky thinking that I had a high pain tolerance and it was gonna be fast because I was in shape and y blah blah blah blah blah. I just convinced myself it was gonna be a easy feat. Like, I don't know. And so it was three days before Friday. I think it was a Tuesday. Yes, it was a Tuesday. I mean my husband, he gets home from practice and so he wants to take a nap. And in Finland that was just kind of something that you did in the winter when like there's nothing else you could do. You just nap your life away. And so we decided to take a nap. And when I wake up from my nap, I go use the restroom and I lost my mucus plug. I told my husband, I'm like, Hey, you should come in here and look at this thing because I think that we it's about time. It's about go time. And he saw it and he was just like, wow. And so shortly after I lost my mucus plug, like probably Fifteen minutes later, I contractions start. I'm like, okay, here we go. this is what a contraction is, I'm like, it's not too bad. And so I immediately started counting my contractions. That was just something I was going to do because I'm a new mom and I'm so excited. And so I started counting 30 minutes. And then it was probably 30 minutes for two hours and then it got to fifteen minutes pretty shortly after and honestly once it started getting consistently seven minutes I think I was technically in early labor for no like three hours. It didn't take me very long to get to a consistent contractions. And so I told my husband, I'm like, okay, it's getting late and it's dark outside and there's still snow on the ground. So I would like to get to the hospital because we have a forty five minute drive and I was at this point, like I said, very convinced that it this thing was gonna be fast. Looking back now, it's just like insane. So, anyways, I'm so happy and I'm went into labor naturally and I'm just excited to get this thing going. And so we drive forty five minutes and I'm like having the hardest time in the car. I'm just like, this is miserable and you are hitting every pothole and every little bump and every little turn was just like this is a lot. And so when I get there, They check me and everything and I'm at three centimeters and they're like, you should go back home. And I'm like, Well, home is forty five minutes away. And they're like, Yeah, you your first time mom is gonna take a while, you're fine. And I'm like, Okay, sounds good. And so we go back and my husband's hungry and I'm like, I'm not cooking. Yeah, I cooked all the time, but we just decided to go out to eat at this little chicken restaurant. and so we have these chicken strips and fries and I r just remember like my husband is chowing down on his chicken tenders and I am in labor and there is a man and a woman caddy corner from us and they're trying to enjoy their meal but they're watching me labor and I feel like the man was so uncomfortable and he just kept looking over at me and I'm just like We're gonna have to go back because I don't see how I am going to do this much longer. And I think that it I it's gonna happen soon. I still had that crazy misconception in my head. And honestly, like maybe if I wouldn't have gone back to the hospital, it it possibly I feel like it honestly would have gone a lot quicker than what it did. because at this point, my labor feels I don't remember if it was technically an active labor yet, but it was like my contractions were definitely getting stronger and they were definitely closer together. I would say like five minutes apart. And so we drive back forty five minutes. So it's basically been a total of seven hours. already from start to where we are now. And so like I said, my contractions came very quickly and started being consistent very early. And that's why I was so convinced. And so we get back there and they were like, yeah, like then they took me in because I think by that time I was at like a five and they were just like, Okay, we're gonna keep you here because it's overnight and basically they knew that we were foreigners and whatnot. But they're like, your husband has to leave because we don't have any open rooms right now because we have they're all full of laboring women. And so they put me in this big room by myself. It had a ton of beds in it, but I was the only person in there. And so I get there and they asked me if I wanted any pain medication and I was like, no, I'm gonna still try to do this, you know, natural. And probably after like, I don't know, it was in the middle of the night, they caught me when was so exhausted already, but contractions were still very consistent. they decided they're like you need the pain medication so that you can open up more and relax so that you can get you know, basically they told me that if I took the pain medication it was gonna help me progress faster. So I'm like, okay, well I listened to them. And mind you, I'm in Finland and another security blanket that I felt was at the time it was like top three safest places to give birth. I don't know if that still holds true, but I felt so safe and secure there. Like I had to listen to everything they said because this is the safest place. What could go wrong, you know? And so then after they gave me the pain medication, I'm laying in bed. And all throughout that night, I heard three different women screaming at the top of their lungs. Did not know that this was even a thing or something that could happen. I literally thought they were dying from what I heard. And I was scared for my life. I was praying for them because like I said, I thought they were dying. And it was the most insane thing to hear being so young in a foreign country and just having nobody there with me. I was by myself going through this thing called labor and just felt very alone and just in a dark room. it was just crazy. And so then eventually my water star like they came in and checked me and I think popped a small hole in my water and so they're like, Okay, well your water is starting to leak, so we are going to take you into a room because we had one just open up. And so I go into a room and they were like, You can call your husband and let him know that you will be going to a room and so I call my husband and immediately he gets there so fast. He made that forty five minute car ride, maybe thirty-five minute I I don't know. He got there so quick. And so like he was ready. He was just waiting for my call. And he could barely sleep because obviously his wife is in a foreign country by herself in a hospital. and he still has to go to practice and stuff. It was just a lot. And so he gets there and We're in the room or whatever and This is basically I can't hardly like take it anymore 'cause it's just so much. And they tell me okay, well, you've been in labor by this point. I think it was probably twenty-four hours and they're like, You're gonna be too exhausted to keep doing this and I kept pushing for it and I think looking back now, the fact that I was so scared, there's no way I was opening. No way I was opening at all. I was still going through the contractions, which was strange, but my body was not opening. my body was so scared that I was literally resisting the process. And so I get to the hospital or the hospital room or the labor room or whatever you call it. I don't even know. But I get in there, my husband's there, I finally feel relaxed because he's there with me. And that's kind of like when everything starts to happen, they're the constant monitoring. And I was in the room for a while because I remember I was walk trying to walk around as much as possible. And then I don't remember at what point, but they came in and they're like, You should probably get an epidural because you're exhausted. You need to sleep. And I'm like, Okay, like fine. I kind of give up at this point because I'm like very confused on what's going on, why this very fast thing that was supposed to happen to me wasn't so fast. And so I just I get the epidural and my husband is holding me. I'm so scared because I've had an epidural before. I had a back injury, a bulging disc in my back and they ended up giving me a spinal tap and instead of the steroid injection and I was just so terrified of that memory of of that needle in my back and like things went so wrong after that and so I'm just I really hope that they do this correctly and that they don't give me a spinal tap. Like that was my one of my biggest fears. but they ended up giving it correctly. I mean It kinda took the edge off, but it did not help at all. I couldn't really feel things, but I could still feel everything at the same time. I really don't know how best to describe it. it was still a dull, very achy, hard to manage pain. And so that nap never really came. and my contractions were still consistent and then they ended up putting me on Pitocin. And so when they put me that's what happened. So they put me on Pitocin and I couldn't handle the Pitocin. And that's when the epidural came. I think because of the Pitocin with the epidural, it was just not working out for me. it was still hurting so bad. But in Finland they had laughing gas. So I'm trying through each contraction like maybe this will help and I still felt it even with the laughing gas, that did not even help either. And my husband, he's trying the laughing gas too. The nurses said it was okay. They said every man does it. Or the midwives or whatever they were, but that part was kind of fun, just being in there with him and seeing his appreciation for me, but also seeing his concern for me and his son was kind of nice to see, you know, but just spending that time together, I remember at one point he was like, I need to eat and I'm like, go get something to eat. And then he FaceTimes his mom and his mom's like, You are so messed up. You should not be eating in front of her. And I'm like, I couldn't eat if I wanted to, so he's fine. But it was funny that she thought about me in that way. and so yeah. I basically was I was in labor for fifty three hours from the very first contraction to the very last. And so I mean, by the time I gave birth to my son, I just felt so out of it. I thought that when I first met him I was gonna be in tears and bawling and you know, that it was gonna be the best thing and it was, don't get me wrong, but I was so exhausted. I just had no ounce of energy left to give inside of my bones, the deepest part of my bones. I just didn't. but leading up to giving birth to him, I finally got to a 10, you know, as we do. And another thing is We were in Finland and obviously they speak Finnish, but they speak very good English as a whole. But not really when it comes to medical things, I realized, and maybe that was just the hospital that we were at, but the midwives and nurses and doctors and stuff, they just kinda seemed very upset that I didn't speak Finnish and upset any time I asked a question, I felt really bad. There was a Dutch student midwife that was there. And so she came in and I think that she could feel the mistreatment. Like 'cause she was just like, Hey, I'm really sorry for what's going on. And that kind of validated like, hey, yeah, we aren't really being, you know, treated the best. And so, that was also something that was hard for me to navigate. It's just not really knowing, but also not really getting answers because people felt annoyed answering them. And so it was just, I don't know, altogether kind of a difficult thing. And also my family, my husband's family is like texting him because I didn't really have my phone. why is she still in labor? Like what's going on? They were they were also worried. And so then it's like they have that worry on top of what we're already concerned with and dealing with on our own. And so That's kinda how it went. I get to a tin and so they call in the doctor and I am so exhausted, but they tell me it's time to push. And when I heard that I'm like, Okay, I'm about to give this everything I have because I will not be in here pushing for hours on end. this has to end because I I don't know what else I'm going to do if I have to keep going through this. And so the doctor comes in and I pushed less than 10 minutes And my husband was so proud of me. He's telling me you got this and I can't really feel much. I am just pushing with all my might for as long as they tell me to. And they're telling me like, wow, these are very strong pushes. And I'm just like, I hope so, 'cause like my whole body is doing this. I mean, it was the most insane thing. And the doctor comes in and she has like a vacuum and she cuts me open, she gives me a in a psiotomy without me knowing Like I had no idea it happened. until after I'll get to it. But they vacuum him out and they put him on me and everything and I'm just like, Okay, we're done. Like this is over. He's healthy. he's perfect And he's just laying on my chest and I'm just like, finally, rest. And then they do what they do. they and they gave him a vitamin K shot while he was in my arms and did not tell me they did it and I'm like, Whoa, what was that? And they're like, vitamin K, blah, blah. And I'm like, dang, they really didn't even ask. and this is me thinking, at that point, obviously, you know, I'm just like, Whoa, that was that was kind of strange. obviously being totally oblivious to the whole model of care. But anyways after I hold him for a little bit, they clamp his core. Thankfully they did let it go till it was white, but they take him, they start to weigh him and everything, and then after that, they're still down there. And I'm like, What are you guys doing? is everything okay? and this was after I had already bird placenta as well. 'Cause they just take they took it out of me. I didn't even push for that at all. They just took it out. and they're like, we're just sewing you up. And I'm like, sewing me up from what? what what's wrong? And they're like, we just cut you, it's okay. And I'm like, and I mind you, like I didn't even know what this was, but it it goes into like my postpartum experience and how that went. And so they hand me my baby and a bunch of nurses start coming in after because I he was nine pounds and two ounces and they had never seen a baby that big. Obviously as Americans it's a big baby but it's not unheard of, they were just so in awe at how big he was. And I feel like maybe that's why she cut me. I don't really know. I didn't have the opportunity to ask questions. But I remember my husband He went to go while they were sewing me up, he went to go look at my baby because he they were like weighing him and everything. So he was just staying next to him. But then he turns around to come back towards me and he just says that he said that he was looking into the abyss. He that he had never seen such a large gaping hole. And that part was just so funny to me 'cause he was just like, Whoa and That was obviously like super new to him, you know. but yeah. after that, the first night my husband had to leave because the hotel style type room was not open. And so he had to go home. So I stayed the first night in a double room with another woman. And I just remember the nurses kept coming in and being like, Can we please take your baby? Because you need to sleep and you need your rest. You were in labor for a really long time, you're exhausted, you shouldn't be watching him. And I'm just like, You need to leave me alone and you need to get out of my face and stop asking me because I'm the answer is no. And I was very firm on that. Thankfully they just let me be after I was just like, No. you're not taking my baby, I'm sorry. we're not doing this. I am in a foreign country. Even if it wasn't a foreign country, you still wouldn't, but leave me alone. And so they left me alone. And then me and my husband spent the next two days in our hotel style hospital bedroom thing. And it was just so bittersweet, but I ready to get home. But I was also scared to go home. Because I'm just like I'm responsible for this precious little life. And I just was I lost so much sleep in my pregnancy, wondering if I was gonna be a good mom, if it was gonna come natural to me, what is this gonna be like? I was just so nervous and I just wanted to be the best that I could be for this new soul in the world and my son, like my gosh. He's taught me so much. He's been my guinea pig, my first. But in the best way, he's such a good trooper. But yeah, so we get home and it was so much fun. I mean, we would be up at like two AM and not even realize it 'cause this time in Finland, the sun is out for so much later than in the winter time and so we are up at two AM and don't even realize it 'cause the sun is just starting to set and we're just in our own world going through it with him and I remember I didn't really know much about breastfeeding and my gosh it showed My nipples were so cracked and they were bleeding and like strawberry milk galore and all they gave me was like nipple shields and like just feed this is like my lactation consultant in the hospital was like take these nipple shields and just use them for a couple of weeks and whenever you feel like you don't need them, then you're good. And I'm like, What? Like huh I've never heard of a nipple shield. And they did help, but I did not want to use them every time. Like I felt like it was a crutch. And I just I felt in my whole body that it was not actually helping anything. You know, I felt like there was actually something that needed to be and at this point I didn't know about lactation consultants like that. I didn't know anything, breastfeeding education, nothing. and so Yeah, I was just really struggling with that but I was not like one thing about me is I was not gonna give up on breastfeeding. That was the only way for me and that's what we were gonna do is so we were gonna find a way. And so I ended up getting mastitis and I had a midwife on call and I messaged her and I'm like, Hey, I think I have mastitis. And she was like, just put a cabbage leaf over it. That's all. Okay, that's fine. I'm in you know, sure, we'll try this. And I remember being in the shower, trying to like hand express my milk, Like that's just what felt natural 'cause I feel like every time I was in hot water it would just spew out, And so I was doing my best, but it got to the point that it became an abscess and I'm telling this midwife, like, Hey, like I really think something's not right. I really need help and she just was like, you'll be fine, try to pump it and so I got a little hand pump because I wasn't gonna spend a ton of money on a pump I tried to get milk out that way and nothing was working and it just got to the point where I'm like, Hey lady Things are not right. What do I need to do? I I had to remind her, I am not from here. I don't know my resources like that. I'm doing my research, online, but sometimes it doesn't translate and I can't find what I need to find. And she was like, Just go to the ER. Okay, great. And so we went to the ER and I ended up with the abscess and they had to poke it open and like squeeze it all out. my gosh. there's so much pus in there and they literally asked me like how did this happen like this? And I'm like, nobody was listening to me. I didn't you know what I'm saying? And they like felt so bad and like they had to pack it and I had to go in every day until it was ready to be stitched together. I still have the the scar And so yeah, they did that and it was just a really rough start to my breastfeeding journey. but I was not willing to let that be a reason that I wasn't gonna do it. And I'm very grateful that I didn't give up because I had a very successful breastfeeding journey with him and it was just one of the best things that you know For me personally being a mom is being able to nourish your child with your body continuously even after pregnancy. it's a miracle of life to me, genuinely. It's like Yahuwah did not go wrong in his ways. it's just extremely beautiful. I could literally cry about it just looking into your child's eyes when they are getting milk from you. I don't know. But anyways. I could literally start crying. and so going off of that, the abscess, it finally healed But I am still bleeding. I am still bleeding. And the abscess happened. I would say my son was like three weeks old, maybe two. he was not very old at all. It did not take long at all for that thing to just pop off. it happened very quickly and it was so painful, so so painful and such a hard th thing to go through when you're trying to heal. Anyways, another thing is I bled for twelve weeks straight and I went to the hospital and you know, they're like, everything's great I'm like, Well, I'm still bleeding and that's not really normal from my research and they're like, Nope, you're fine. Nothing's in there And I'm like, Well I'm still feeling a lot of pain and they just kind of tossed me to the side and were like, you know what? It happens, you just gave birth. Give yourself time and I'm like, Okay, thanks. Still don't know to this day. I even went to an American hospital when I got back and they were like everything's fine but I'm like, Okay, like I didn't feel fine, you know. And then, another part I forgot to add was I had pushed so hard that my body literally felt like it got hit by a train. And I just wanna say how intense it is 'cause I could barely stand because I was like the intensity I had done so many l so much like heavy lifting and sports, like I had felt what it felt like to put my body through pain and that was by far the most extreme soreness I've ever felt in my life. and I've had three other births since that one and have pushed in not like no, you should not feel like you got hit by a bus after giving birth. I you should not at all. that's just a side tangent. But I will say where they gave me the epesiotomy that took forever to heal and it was so tender and it was quite miserable, honestly. I could barely sit up for that long. it took forever for it to heal and I don't know, I feel like they cut me even bigger than normal because they were scared of the how big the baby was or something. I I that might just be in my own head. But yeah, that that was the story of my firstborn son. And sometimes it makes me sad that he was born the way he was and that I didn't really do my due diligence when it came to understanding what I was really going into. But I And him will not be a victim to that because we went through that together and because we did, we are now here and we did things differently for each subsequent sibling. And it taught us a lot and my first son will forever be my guinea pig, even through homeschool and just life and I think that He's the perfect one to go through these things with because he is a very special boy and he has so much grace for me and my husband being you know going I mean he paved the way for his siblings and that is such a older sibling thing. Me and my husband are both older siblings and so we have the utmost respect for him because he has he has watched us grow and he's grown with us as parents and we became and are becoming the best versions of ourselves every day. And he gets the front row seat to that. And so I hope that he can always give us grace in seeing how we genuinely try every single day to be who we need to be for Yahuwah, for ourselves, for each other and for our kids. It just is invaluable. that he has been by our side and like obviously all of our kids. But I never want to be a victim to, that story. And I want him to know that And he does know 'cause we've talked about it 'cause he's like, Why was I the only one born in the hospital? That's not fair. And so we've talked about it and he's like, you know, he's okay. I don't know. I just think it's interesting. But I hope you enjoyed this story and I'm excited to tell you my my second story of my home birth. And it's kind of a wild story too. it was a water home birth, but I won't get too deep into it, but just letting you know what you should look forward to. And once again, go ahead and follow the show and share to let people know about us. Until next time, we will see you soon.