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Erin Gallagher: The Hype Effect- When Bold Women Rise Together · The Bold Lounge

0:07
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Bold Lounge Podcast.
0:09
SPEAKER_00: My name is Lee Burgess, and I will be your host.
0:13
SPEAKER_00: If you're anything like me, you love hearing inspiring stories of people who have gone on bold journeys and made a positive impact in the world.
0:20
SPEAKER_00: This podcast is all about those kinds of stories.
0:23
SPEAKER_00: Every week we'll hear from someone who has taken the lead and parked on an extraordinary journey.
0:28
SPEAKER_00: In addition to hearing their stories, we'll also learn about their bold growth mindset that they used to make things happen.
0:34
SPEAKER_00: Whether they faced challenges or doubts along the way, they persisted and ultimately achieved their goals.
0:41
SPEAKER_00: These impactful stories will leave you feeling motivated and inspired to pursue your own bold journey.
0:46
SPEAKER_00: I believe everyone has a bold story waiting to be free.
0:50
SPEAKER_00: Tune in and get ready to be inspired.
0:58
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the bold lounge.
1:00
SPEAKER_00: Today I have Erin Gallagher.
1:02
SPEAKER_00: Erin is the CEO and founder of Hype Women, an exclusive ecosystem hyping women to remember who they are.
1:08
SPEAKER_00: She's also the author of Hype Women Breaking Free from Mean Girls, Patriarchy and Systems Silencing You.
1:14
SPEAKER_00: She's also the host and co-producer of Hype Women Podcast and the creator of the Global Hype Women Movement and the Fairway dinner series and membership invested in networking for women.
1:25
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Bold Lounge.
1:27
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
1:28
SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm so excited to be here with you.
1:31
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
1:32
SPEAKER_00: So I'm excited to jump in.
1:33
SPEAKER_00: Now we've been in the same orbit in some shape or form, I think, over the last several years.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: So I'm super excited to meet you and to learn more from you as well as talk about your book.
1:42
SPEAKER_00: But first, let's learn about what bold means to you.
1:44
SPEAKER_00: What's your definition of bold?
1:46
SPEAKER_01: You know, I think that this word has changed for me over time because what I probably would have said if you asked me five years ago was bold is loud, it's out in front, it's it's really leading with your masculine energy.
2:03
SPEAKER_01: That's what I would have attributed that word to.
2:07
SPEAKER_01: But I actually think now, because of so much of my own metamorphosis, that that bold can be very quiet.
2:16
SPEAKER_01: Bold is about living authentically.
2:19
SPEAKER_01: So that authenticity shows up differently for people.
2:22
SPEAKER_01: And it shows up differently in different moments as well.
2:26
SPEAKER_01: It's not just, you know, one persona that is expressed in a singular way.
2:31
SPEAKER_01: And so for me right now, being bold is staying true to myself and being authentic, even when people are unhappy with shifts that I've made, of moments and parts of my career and my personal life that I'm stepping into now.
2:48
SPEAKER_01: And so it's it's really kind of just holding on to that core.
2:52
SPEAKER_00: I like it.
2:52
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, so definitely one of the things I write about in my book is that bold is a continuum.
2:58
SPEAKER_00: It's the quiet to those louder moments where people see.
3:01
SPEAKER_00: So, for example, like I quit my job without having a plan in 2020 because I was just completely burnt out, but I knew I needed to choose myself, which felt very selfish, but I did it anyway and started moving through the process of believing in myself and getting at it and getting it done.
3:16
SPEAKER_00: That's a very loud, bold moment, right?
3:18
SPEAKER_00: Everyone sees it, it may not be understood, people may not like it.
3:22
SPEAKER_00: It's a whole, it's a whole thing.
3:24
SPEAKER_00: All the feels is what I would say that would be.
3:26
SPEAKER_00: And then we have our quieter moments, which you just spoke about, which are the ones where it's how we talk to one another, how we talk to ourselves, or how we even move through some of those moments in our life where we're making changes or we're evolving, like you said, and uh metamorphosis with all those beautiful butterflies behind you.
3:41
SPEAKER_00: So, like it is those quiet moments and it's multidimensional, which is what you said.
3:46
SPEAKER_00: It's not just one plane that we're dealing with because it's you know, we're a whole human being, 360 degrees.
3:51
SPEAKER_00: And so we're not just our title, or we're not just a mom, or we're not just a sister, etc.
3:56
SPEAKER_00: Like we're all the things, and so it's multidimensional when we're doing it, and it's not always understood, right?
4:03
SPEAKER_01: That's such a beautiful way to talk about it.
4:06
SPEAKER_01: I love the term equilibrium, and I actually have the symbol for equilibrium tattooed on my inside of my right ankle.
4:14
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
4:15
SPEAKER_01: It's just again, this this idea, it's sort of a play on a continuum where equilibrium is about two opposing forces constantly recalibrating.
4:25
SPEAKER_01: And and I think that being able to acknowledge that we are sort of always in this mode of shifting and changing, that's what we have to get comfortable with.
4:36
SPEAKER_01: Right.
4:37
SPEAKER_01: It's not defining ourselves and then going all in on that and digging our heels in and making sure that that is our answer to everything, but instead to say, let me just check in with myself here.
4:49
SPEAKER_01: What's actually happening for me right now?
4:51
SPEAKER_01: And is the thing that worked for me last year, last month, last week, even yesterday, still working for me today?
4:59
SPEAKER_01: Because if it's not, I have the opportunity to make a different choice.
5:03
SPEAKER_00: Right.
5:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's a choice.
5:04
SPEAKER_00: Being bold is a choice, uh, making change is a choice.
5:07
SPEAKER_00: But I think ultimately a lot of the things that we're doing, you know, I'm 53, so I'm at a point in my life where I feel like this is what it's all about.
5:16
SPEAKER_00: It's not a middle and it's not always a mess, but it can be, it can feel like that, certainly.
5:21
SPEAKER_00: But I think it's about figuring it out.
5:23
SPEAKER_00: And it's not this end game that I used to think it was all about, right?
5:26
SPEAKER_00: You know, and the corporate world is the title, it's the being on the board, it's the all the things that people see that's defining success.
5:34
SPEAKER_00: And I think when I left corporate, and again, I'm not dissing it in any way, shape, or form, it taught me so much, but it doesn't fit me anymore in that sense.
5:42
SPEAKER_00: And I think I want to work differently.
5:45
SPEAKER_00: And I think success to me is a whole different definition uh than it used to be as well.
5:50
SPEAKER_01: Well, and that idea that 20 years ago, what you wanted to be inside of corporate America, as you excel and continue to move forward and up towards that, oftentimes what happens, and it happened to me in corporate, I was in corporate America for 15 years, when you get the thing that you've been working towards, it doesn't always feel like achievement or relief or even good because you're so different than you were when you were striving for that 15, 20, 30 years ago.
6:20
SPEAKER_01: So that's the other thing that I think happens for women, especially you strive for something and it takes so long because there are so many barriers in place.
6:29
SPEAKER_01: There are so many things happening in your life that you have to navigate and and adjust around.
6:34
SPEAKER_01: And so you get there and you're like, well, I work so hard.
6:37
SPEAKER_01: So I better stay.
6:38
SPEAKER_01: And I better, I I better figure out how to like this instead of going, yeah, you know what, this ain't it.
6:45
SPEAKER_01: This, this just this ain't it anymore.
6:48
SPEAKER_01: It's scary, right?
6:49
SPEAKER_01: It's scary to walk away from the dream that you work so hard on because it can feel like it was a waste.
6:56
SPEAKER_01: But, you know, like you said, damn, did we learn a lot inside of corporate America?
7:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I don't think I felt like it was a waste.
7:02
SPEAKER_00: I felt like I failed.
7:03
SPEAKER_00: And I think that was like, why couldn't I figure it out?
7:05
SPEAKER_00: Why couldn't I fix it?
7:07
SPEAKER_00: Why couldn't I straighten it all out?
7:08
SPEAKER_00: Because I know how to do that.
7:09
SPEAKER_00: Like I've been doing it for a very long time.
7:11
SPEAKER_00: I think what happens when you're in burnout too is like things that you did that worked before don't work anymore.
7:16
SPEAKER_00: And you keep doing them and you're like, oh, I'm just even more frustrated.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: So, like for me, it like just got to a point where I feel like I failed.
7:22
SPEAKER_00: And I think I had to, that's what I had to work on, was I think connected to some perfectionism tendency that I've had or people pleasing, which I've learned about myself.
7:32
SPEAKER_00: But I think self-awareness is a gift, and so when you realize, like, oh, I'm doing that because, or I chose that because I think that's also part of the learning, and I think the adventure I feel like I'm in now.
7:43
SPEAKER_00: And on days, I really feel I have it all figured out, and it could be 24 hours and I feel like I'm lost.
7:50
SPEAKER_01: But entrepreneurship, yeah, I mean, it's it's the highest highs and the lowest lows in a 24-hour period.
7:57
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
7:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and and so you have to really enjoy the high because we're like this it lasted, it's not allowed.
8:03
SPEAKER_01: So, okay, wait, you said that you felt like you failed.
8:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you still feel like you failed?
8:09
SPEAKER_00: No, no, I don't I don't feel like that now, but initially I did.
8:12
SPEAKER_00: I feel like I let a lot of people down, right?
8:14
SPEAKER_00: You know, I feel like I let my team down, I let my organization down, I let my family down, most importantly.
8:19
SPEAKER_00: And they were elated that I had made that change because it it just was so unhealthy on every level.
8:24
SPEAKER_01: Oh God, yeah.
8:25
SPEAKER_01: And so for any woman that is listening, that is still in that place where they they either feel like they are failing inside of corporate America or any, it could be an entrepreneurial endeavor.
8:37
SPEAKER_01: Could be a relationship.
8:38
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it could be lots of things, yeah.
8:40
SPEAKER_01: Right?
8:40
SPEAKER_01: It could be, it could be honestly um a a new hobby that you're taking on.
8:45
SPEAKER_00: Right.
8:45
SPEAKER_01: But most specifically, what I'm talking about is is more of these systemic infrastructural instances.
8:52
SPEAKER_01: The message I would share with women who are feeling like they are failing or that they have failed is that that is not the case.
9:00
SPEAKER_00: It's a lie.
9:01
SPEAKER_00: Your your mind is telling you.
9:03
SPEAKER_01: You were failed.
9:04
SPEAKER_01: You were failed.
9:06
SPEAKER_01: So so that's the shift to me is to remove the onus and the responsibility from us as the individual for not being able to thrive inside of a a game that was rigged against us and instead recognize it for what it is, like rigged against us.
9:21
SPEAKER_01: And so you were failed, and now it's time to go to a place where you're supported.
9:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
9:27
SPEAKER_00: So that's what I've been doing for for the last five years.
9:29
SPEAKER_00: And I think that was just something that I think is important to realize that when you make that first bold step or the you know, a bold step in your life, it is one that is not easy, it is not one that's like totally confident and supported and no doubts at all.
9:45
SPEAKER_00: I mean, bold news, you know, fear comes into play, and what fear is indicating is that this is an important decision you're about to make.
9:51
SPEAKER_00: The other message I want women to hear too, and men who may be, you know, fearing a change that they know they need to take, no matter what it is, it's just take that first step.
10:00
SPEAKER_00: As small as it is, just take it.
10:02
SPEAKER_00: And the next one becomes easier and easier, and you gain confidence and agency through that process.
10:08
SPEAKER_00: And it really is retraining your brain, literally retraining your brain around that.
10:13
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, absolutely.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so when you think about your quiet, authentic, multi-dimensional moves that may not be understood, you know, based on your definition.
10:21
SPEAKER_00: What's a time that comes?
10:23
SPEAKER_00: We have so many levels and layers of bold that can happen in our life.
10:26
SPEAKER_00: Like, what's a moment in your life though, a bold moment that you remember looking back now, like, wow, that was bold?
10:31
SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes we don't even know we're being bold, it's just happening.
10:34
SPEAKER_01: There have been a lot of real trajectory shifting moves that I've made in the past five years, in my career in particular.
10:43
SPEAKER_01: And and so for me, what started this snowball rolling was leaving corporate America and starting my first company with two other women.
10:52
SPEAKER_01: That was uncharted territory, no one in my family had ever been an entrepreneur.
10:55
SPEAKER_00: Me either.
10:56
SPEAKER_00: It was very scary that way.
10:58
SPEAKER_01: And so they all they all thought I was crazy.
11:00
SPEAKER_01: What was interesting for me, Lee is that I I really, really believed in what I was setting out to do.
11:08
SPEAKER_01: And so the way I talked about it, I don't know if this has happened for you.
11:12
SPEAKER_01: This has, I've had this conversation with other women who have started their own companies.
11:16
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes when you believe something so passionately, but it's not quite, it doesn't quite exist yet.
11:23
SPEAKER_01: What you're met with is like incredible skepticism.
11:27
SPEAKER_01: First of all, like that sounds like it's gonna be tough.
11:29
SPEAKER_01: I'm not sure it's gonna work, but also because of my conviction, I had people that thought something was actually wrong with me, that I that I was losing it, that like my belief that I could go and leave this quote unquote safe, steady corporate job with healthcare and all of the things, because I had I had a two and a half year old and a six-month-old at the time.
11:52
SPEAKER_01: Not the smartest, easiest period of my life to you know, birth a company.
11:57
SPEAKER_01: But the way that I talked about it, I started to feel from those that would have called themselves closest to me that they thought I was like off my rocker.
12:07
SPEAKER_01: So that's kind of when you talk about the idea of being bold and being and then being authentic, how you are met with your bold decisions by other people, what I have now realized tells you everything you need to know about them, not you.
12:21
SPEAKER_01: Right.
12:22
SPEAKER_01: Because if I had taken all of that feedback as direction, I would have quit.
12:26
SPEAKER_01: I would have said, never mind, I'm going back.
12:29
SPEAKER_01: Everyone's scaring me too much.
12:31
SPEAKER_01: They're making me think that I've lost my mind.
12:34
SPEAKER_01: But instead, I had to kind of risk a lot of relationships and also push back on advice that I was being given that people were really not happy with me not following.
12:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
12:45
SPEAKER_01: So I think the theme of all of these major shifts that I've made, these kind of like bold choices in the past five years, the theme has been that I trusted my intuition.
12:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
12:55
SPEAKER_01: That was something that I have lost along the way.
12:59
SPEAKER_01: And it's something that I've had to, even in these past five years, that has not been a simple, easy road either.
13:03
SPEAKER_01: It's not like I left corporate America and like it all worked out.
13:06
SPEAKER_01: No.
13:07
SPEAKER_00: That's what people think, right?
13:08
SPEAKER_00: You know, so the 10-year overnight success and like they don't see the moments, you know, like I always say when I'm under my desk in a field position, meaning like, you know, things aren't going well.
13:18
SPEAKER_00: But those moments happen.
13:19
SPEAKER_00: And I think also one of the things you said was, you know, who you share your dream with or who you share your next steps with.
13:25
SPEAKER_00: You know, I always say just be cautious because I know that when I started off, I was like telling everybody, and then I would get this feedback like, you know, you you're crazy, Lee.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: Why would you leave that?
13:35
SPEAKER_00: What what what are you gonna do now?
13:37
SPEAKER_00: How do you do that?
13:38
SPEAKER_00: Do you know anything about that?
13:39
SPEAKER_00: Like a lot of I would say, let's just say I planted a seed and it was just sprouting, you know, like it felt like it got stomped on.
13:46
SPEAKER_00: And so, like when we think about a bullseye, like people who were in the center of that, mean the closest to me, started to move a couple rungs out and maybe some off of the chart altogether, because all we had in common was maybe strife or what we didn't like or a project we were on.
13:59
SPEAKER_00: And I realized like that's all we had in common.
14:02
SPEAKER_00: And so your relationships evolve during that time or they get extremely strong and strengthened.
14:08
SPEAKER_00: There are a few, right?
14:10
SPEAKER_01: That's exactly right.
14:11
SPEAKER_01: This is the real sort of core shaking foundation shifting work that happens when you are living out what you believe to be the best and right choice for you.
14:24
SPEAKER_01: You have people that have been in your life, and the role that you played and the archetype that you fit inside of their world is why the relationship has lasted as long as it has.
14:37
SPEAKER_01: When you stop being that to them, when your identity begins to shift and and how they were able to identify you begins to shift, two things happen.
14:47
SPEAKER_01: It's what you just said.
14:48
SPEAKER_01: You either fall away from each other and the relationship could potentially completely dissolve, or you become even more strengthened because you're growing together.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: Right.
14:58
SPEAKER_01: And so that was absolutely my experience when I left corporate America and my identity was no longer the good girl, obedient foot soldier to the agency.
15:10
SPEAKER_01: And so that didn't work for a lot of people.
15:12
SPEAKER_01: And then I started my own company.
15:13
SPEAKER_01: And then when I left the company that I co-founded two and a half years later, when I resigned and walked away from it, I also did not fit into that archetype anymore of being the person who was willing to sacrifice myself in service to others to no end.
15:29
SPEAKER_01: So those were the things that were happening for me professionally.
15:31
SPEAKER_01: And then what I started to see personally is I had people that really liked or just had grown so used to me being someone that was struggling and that worked for them.
15:45
SPEAKER_01: And so when I was no longer struggling, when I actually ended things that weren't working for me and I took care of myself and I started to be healthier and happier, I wasn't as interesting to them because for them, part of that relationship was that I was always just a little bit behind them.
16:03
SPEAKER_01: And as soon as that started to shift, they didn't want me anymore.
16:07
SPEAKER_01: So these are the things that start to happen.
16:10
SPEAKER_01: And if you're not paying enough attention and you're not taking that audit, you can just be turning over your time and energy to a lot of people that are energy vampires and they are sucking it up and they are not there to actually see you achieve your full potential.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: And that's sad.
16:27
SPEAKER_00: I mean, honestly, like I was a little sad by that.
16:29
SPEAKER_00: I don't know about you, and I I still have that because I think you have different levels of success and you have different levels of, I would say, evolution, just and I hope I continue to keep doing that because that's the whole point of evolving and learning and growing and starting to be who you are sooner than later, truly, like being authentic, like you talked about.
16:49
SPEAKER_00: But I think what happens is, you know, this probably for me, I think has been a little bit cyclical because I think even as an entrepreneur, you go through, I think, phases.
16:58
SPEAKER_00: I'm in year five.
16:59
SPEAKER_00: Um, so like in the sense of that every year is a different emoji, I say, so to speak.
17:04
SPEAKER_00: But like, you know, this is a year of like simplifying, really honing in and being laser focused on what's the most important thing for me and where am I finding the greatest, I'll say joy, it's the overused word, like authentic is these days, but really where am I aligned with what I like to do, what I'm passionate about, what I can get paid for, and what the world needs, that icky guy of it all.
17:26
SPEAKER_00: That's my really what I'm honing in on.
17:29
SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to discontinually evolve that definition.
17:32
SPEAKER_00: And so I think for me, simplifying is hard because you do less of something, and that just doesn't feel right sometimes, right?
17:40
SPEAKER_00: In this like time, what you do.
17:42
SPEAKER_01: Also, because when you simplify and you really are are getting to what you should be doing and spending your time and energy on, you have more space, right?
17:52
SPEAKER_01: And the inclination is to fill that space with something else.
17:56
SPEAKER_01: That is the opposite of simplifying, that is complicating.
17:59
SPEAKER_01: And so I think that is really that is a shift for women who are ambitious, um, people pleasing, successful empaths, is that you recognize that when you create that space for yourself, you can keep it.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: It can be yours and it can be flex space that doesn't have to be a new job, role, hobby, extracurricular, but instead can be time to just think and create and be.
18:29
SPEAKER_01: That is a shift that I'm navigating right now because that sort of external validation that comes from having your hand in a lot of things.
18:39
SPEAKER_01: When you don't have that, you have to actually just be okay with thinking, I'm doing okay myself.
18:45
SPEAKER_01: I don't need other people to be telling me this every single day.
18:47
SPEAKER_01: I don't need to create and produce something that is getting judged, critiqued, accepted, rejected.
18:53
unknown: Right.
18:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's a cycle for sure, especially as an author, which we're gonna talk about your book, Hype Women.
18:57
SPEAKER_00: When you think about the book and where we were just talking about you walking away from the company you founded, what happened in between?
19:04
SPEAKER_00: Right.
19:05
SPEAKER_00: Because I think what's also interesting about the book is really it brings in all of this experience and all of the things that you have gone through and in your way sets it straight from what's been told to us, right?
19:16
SPEAKER_00: What we've been taught in a way of the system and how you define success, et cetera.
19:21
SPEAKER_00: Like, but what's the in-between between walking away and now the book?
19:25
SPEAKER_01: Big old mess.
19:28
SPEAKER_00: Right?
19:29
SPEAKER_00: Right.
19:30
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's just so refreshing for someone to actually say it does get messy, it does get confusing, it does not always feel good.
19:37
SPEAKER_01: Leaving my first company felt like a death to me.
19:41
SPEAKER_01: It felt like a death.
19:42
SPEAKER_01: And it also felt like the loss of my identity.
19:46
SPEAKER_01: And so I was in a real period of liminality where I didn't have direction and I wasn't sure.
19:53
SPEAKER_01: What I was trying not to do was reactively just get back on the horse, the proverbial horse that we're told to get back on.
20:00
SPEAKER_01: Every time you fall off of it or thrown off of it, I was just like, I don't know if I want to even ride a horse anymore.
20:04
SPEAKER_01: Right.
20:05
SPEAKER_01: I sit over here on this barrel of hay for take some deep breaths.
20:09
SPEAKER_01: Take some deep breaths.
20:10
SPEAKER_01: Like this is that's hard.
20:12
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to do that right now.
20:14
SPEAKER_01: So it's really the, you know, my obsession with butterflies has been an obsession since I was a little girl.
20:19
SPEAKER_01: And when I think about what actually happens when you are transforming from a caterpillar into a butterfly, it's this is a perfect metaphor for what women go through.
20:31
SPEAKER_01: It's what I went through.
20:32
SPEAKER_01: So I was crawling along at a caterpillar pace and and just doing what I was told and accepting what I got for a very long time.
20:40
SPEAKER_01: And when I left that first company that I co-founded, I went into a cocoon.
20:46
SPEAKER_01: And I just said, I don't know.
20:49
SPEAKER_01: I don't have an answer.
20:50
SPEAKER_01: I can't be out in the world right now.
20:53
SPEAKER_01: I can't give anyone else advice because I don't even know what to tell myself.
20:58
SPEAKER_01: And so that idea that a caterpillar goes into this cocoon and dissolves into goo, like fully just unbecomes, so that it can turn into something completely different to crawl along as you go in and then to break out and fly away.
21:16
SPEAKER_01: A lot has to happen inside of that cocoon.
21:18
SPEAKER_01: And it's unseen and it's unglamorous.
21:22
SPEAKER_01: It's not a social media post.
21:24
SPEAKER_01: It's not a social media post.
21:26
SPEAKER_01: And so everyone's transformation during that period of time is different.
21:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
21:31
SPEAKER_01: And for me, it was grief.
21:33
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I felt grief because it wasn't just about leaving the company.
21:38
SPEAKER_01: It was also about finally deciding to let go of a version of myself that I had to be in order to survive, but who wasn't going to get me to what was next for me.
21:49
SPEAKER_01: And so that felt, I thought it would feel like relief to say, okay, I'm not going to do that anymore.
21:53
SPEAKER_01: I'm not going to take on those same situations.
21:57
SPEAKER_01: I'm not going to work with people that are like that.
21:59
SPEAKER_01: I'm not going to engage with situations that make me feel that way.
22:04
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to, you know, change my way of working.
22:08
SPEAKER_01: I thought all of that would feel like a relief, but it actually felt like grief.
22:12
SPEAKER_01: And so sitting with that was incredibly difficult.
22:15
SPEAKER_00: Were you grieving what you thought was supposed to be the plan or grieving who you thought you were supposed to be?
22:21
SPEAKER_00: Is that where the grief came from?
22:23
SPEAKER_00: What were you grieving?
22:24
SPEAKER_00: What had been lost?
22:26
SPEAKER_00: You?
22:26
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
22:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
22:27
SPEAKER_01: It's not that I was grieving who I thought I was supposed to be.
22:31
SPEAKER_01: I was grieving who I was.
22:33
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
22:33
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
22:34
SPEAKER_01: Like it was time to let go of her.
22:38
SPEAKER_01: And it felt like a betrayal to even think that because that version of me had kept me alive.
22:46
SPEAKER_01: It had helped me to navigate some of those really uncomfortable and difficult times.
22:54
SPEAKER_01: And so it felt like a betrayal.
22:56
SPEAKER_01: But if I continued to let her be the driver, I was just going to go right back into the same situations that I had been in.
23:05
SPEAKER_01: That's the thing about lessons.
23:06
SPEAKER_01: They will continue to show up until you learn them.
23:09
SPEAKER_01: Right.
23:10
SPEAKER_01: It's cyclical.
23:12
SPEAKER_01: So like they'll just keep showing up.
23:14
SPEAKER_01: You'll be like, wait a minute, I didn't work on this.
23:16
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
23:16
SPEAKER_01: So here's here's the difference.
23:17
SPEAKER_01: The difference is you'll respond differently.
23:19
SPEAKER_01: You'll engage or not engage differently.
23:22
SPEAKER_01: But the situations will continue to come back up over the course of your life, especially when you are deciding that you're going to make a shift.
23:29
SPEAKER_01: That's when they really come up because it's it's just that, you know, that inertia is like desperately clinging and trying to keep you with it.
23:37
SPEAKER_01: And it can feel like, you know, I talk about this one part in the book about when you are in sort of these trauma bonded situations.
23:47
SPEAKER_01: And the the trauma bond can be with a coworker, it can be with a boss, it can be with a romantic partner, it can be with a friend, but it can also be with yourself.
23:56
SPEAKER_01: And so when you're in those trauma-bonded situations where you are in that cycle of the sort of positive, negative, you know, being rewarded and then being reprimanded, all of that.
24:10
SPEAKER_01: It is a very difficult cycle to break out of.
24:13
SPEAKER_01: And it can feel like quicksand where you're like, oh my God, it's just so much easier to give in.
24:19
SPEAKER_01: And I have been there.
24:20
SPEAKER_01: I have absolutely been there where I've been like, it's too hard to fight it.
24:24
SPEAKER_01: And then I even told myself that not only was it easier, it actually felt good.
24:29
SPEAKER_01: So this has been a total sort of operating system overhaul on my part.
24:34
SPEAKER_01: And you needed that upgrade.
24:37
unknown: Yeah.
24:39
SPEAKER_00: And we all know upgrades, like if we think of the upgrade to our computer, like we we know we need it, but it's such a pain when it happens because you have to relearn something.
24:47
SPEAKER_00: Maybe things aren't in the same place.
24:48
SPEAKER_00: Maybe when it comes to our life, maybe people are new or you know, things are different.
24:53
SPEAKER_00: And so I think also what's important about that time frame when you're going through it is just to keep going.
25:00
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
25:01
SPEAKER_01: Even if you don't know where, just keep going because sometimes it will actually show itself just because you are going in the direction of something.
25:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
25:11
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, like before, I would say I just can't cope anymore, you know.
25:14
SPEAKER_00: And I'd say it and I'm like, oh, the world keeps spinning.
25:17
SPEAKER_00: Like I need to figure it out.
25:18
SPEAKER_00: Like that's not a that's not an out.
25:20
SPEAKER_00: And like you had mentioned before, too.
25:22
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we used to just give in to what we knew we didn't want to do because it just made life easier if we followed the rules or followed the expectations.
25:31
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, girl, think about that, right?
25:33
SPEAKER_01: Think about all the times inside of corporate America where you were like, Well, I can fight this battle, but it is gonna be uphill and it's gonna come with a lot of strife and pushback, or I could just act like it didn't happen.
25:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think going along with what they want to do or what you know organization has is maybe their principles and those types of things, you know, like this isn't me.
25:56
SPEAKER_00: This isn't aligned with how I operate or even the mission that we have.
25:59
SPEAKER_00: So, like, there's always those moments.
26:02
SPEAKER_00: I think the more moments you have, the more challenging it may feel.
26:06
SPEAKER_00: But I think, you know, going through that, I think that's it certainly was a learning.
26:10
SPEAKER_00: And I think I I lost myself somewhere in there, somewhere in the 30s and 40s, like late 30s, early 40s, when I was really getting into the machine, meaning uh vice president, you know, then I was moving up, and then I was a chief.
26:22
SPEAKER_00: I was a chief by my early 40s, and I was like, like you said, I was like, what's next?
26:27
SPEAKER_00: This this didn't this didn't, I mean it feels good, this is great, it's an accomplishment, it's success, but it's like not filling my cup up, you know.
26:34
SPEAKER_00: So, like what am I missing?
26:35
SPEAKER_00: You know, oh it's probably another promotion.
26:38
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
26:38
SPEAKER_01: So it's like because it's chasing the high of that achievement, but also not always recognizing that you're so different than you were, that this no longer actually feels like the win.
26:51
SPEAKER_01: Right.
26:52
SPEAKER_01: I also think that when you have enough moments inside of a relationship or a job where you are told that what happened didn't, where you are told that you misinterpreted, that you were too sensitive, that that's not what they meant.
27:08
SPEAKER_01: When you're told that over and over and over again, you stop trusting yourself because you're told every day that what your instinct is saying is wrong.
27:17
SPEAKER_01: And so a lot of that period of time between the leaving and then the now for me has been about relearning to trust my instincts and to listen to my intuition because I didn't trust it for a very long time.
27:32
SPEAKER_00: Because I think we're taught not to.
27:34
SPEAKER_00: Honestly, like there is a point that uh we as leaders, I think as leaders, that is part of the the decision-making process is our gut, is our instinct, which comes from our experience, our expertise, really what we're made of.
27:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and literally it's biology.
27:50
SPEAKER_00: And I think in some form or fashion, we're taught to either ignore it or don't listen to it, or just know that we're not going to do that, even though it's telling you that.
28:00
SPEAKER_00: So I think there's absolutely I love that you said that a relearning of who we are and also trusting what we think and how we feel is just as important as what someone may be telling us, right?
28:11
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
28:11
SPEAKER_00: So can you define a hype woman?
28:13
SPEAKER_00: Because I think some people may not know.
28:15
SPEAKER_00: So I just want to make sure, like, what is the definition of a hype woman?
28:19
SPEAKER_01: To me, a hype woman is a woman who celebrates your successes as if they were her own.
28:28
SPEAKER_01: She shines a light on you and does not see it as casting a shadow on her.
28:33
SPEAKER_01: So it's just this total abundance mindset where what we've been conditioned to believe about so many women from the time we were little girls until we decide we want to stop believing it, honestly, because we have plenty of reason to keep believing it based on what media, marketing, and society tells us, we are taught that women are a competition and that they are threats and that it's a zero-sum game.
28:57
SPEAKER_01: And so it's not our fault that we have this conditioning inside of us, but it is our our responsibility to make a different choice.
29:04
SPEAKER_01: And so when you look around and you see the lack of women in positions of power and influence, it's not surprising that we would think that if a woman got a promotion, that it was a promotion that could or should have been ours versus one that was happening simultaneously.
29:21
SPEAKER_01: Men see themselves everywhere, they see them in the highest levels of everything.
29:25
SPEAKER_01: And so they never feel like it's not possible for them.
29:29
SPEAKER_01: That's not the case for women.
29:31
SPEAKER_01: And so you have to start to surround yourself with women who are actively fighting against that conditioning.
29:38
SPEAKER_00: And also calling you out on your BS around it, because I think that's one of the things I think you do.
29:43
SPEAKER_00: I certainly do this with the women that I'm around is like you have to believe in yourself to see the possibilities.
29:50
SPEAKER_00: And if you don't, then therefore your your possibilities are either stagnating or they're limited in so many ways.
29:57
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's extremely.
30:00
SPEAKER_00: Empowering too.
30:01
SPEAKER_00: I mean, that certainly was a shift for me.
30:02
SPEAKER_00: It was like, I don't need a review, I don't need a title, I don't need someone else to tell me I did the right thing.
30:10
SPEAKER_00: Check, check, check.
30:10
SPEAKER_00: I'm worthy.
30:12
SPEAKER_00: I'm enough already.
30:14
SPEAKER_00: People, that's right.
30:15
SPEAKER_00: You know, like I was actually born that way, you know, somewhere along the way forgot.
30:19
SPEAKER_00: Uh, but it's now ringing true again for me.
30:22
SPEAKER_00: So, you know, look out world because we're gonna do some good things, and that doesn't mean because I'm doing good or I'm succeeding or I'm failing that you're better than less than me.
30:32
SPEAKER_00: Like we're all we're all in it, and I think that's really, really hard for people to actually see, though.
30:38
SPEAKER_00: I think it's easier said than done at times for for some.
30:42
SPEAKER_01: It's easier said than done.
30:44
SPEAKER_01: And the thing that is different about hype is that it is all about doing.
30:50
SPEAKER_01: So you won't even you can't believe it until you do it.
30:54
SPEAKER_01: But that's the difference, though, is that hype is a verb.
30:58
SPEAKER_01: And so you can't be a hype woman if you are not taking action to support other women.
31:03
SPEAKER_01: If you are like, she has a company that makes dresses, and I think that is so amazing, and that's what you think in your head.
31:10
SPEAKER_01: That is not being a hype woman.
31:12
SPEAKER_01: A hype woman is buying the dress, it's posting about it on your social platforms if that's something that you do.
31:19
SPEAKER_01: It's sending your friends a text with a link to say you should check this out.
31:22
SPEAKER_01: I think you would look amazing in this.
31:24
SPEAKER_01: It's calling her, texting her, telling her that you're proud of her.
31:27
SPEAKER_01: Hype is a verb.
31:29
SPEAKER_01: And so, so that is the other thing.
31:31
SPEAKER_01: It's like this is not a group of women who are admiring each other quietly.
31:36
SPEAKER_01: No, this is like roll up your sleeves, get in the mud, and show up for her, not only when she's shiny, but also when she might appear dull to others.
31:45
SPEAKER_00: Or when she's quiet.
31:47
SPEAKER_00: I think that's always the thing for me.
31:48
SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, I have I always say like I have less than five friends, meaning like people who, if I call at 1 a.m., they're gonna answer, you know, that type of a thing.
31:56
SPEAKER_00: And maybe I have more, but I think in the sense of like true friends, I think it's always interesting, like when you're quiet, who checks in on you, right?
32:03
SPEAKER_00: Of like, are you okay?
32:04
SPEAKER_00: Like, I see you on social media and I know you're working really hard, but looks good.
32:08
SPEAKER_00: But like, what's how are you really?
32:10
SPEAKER_00: You know, and I love that call.
32:11
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
32:12
SPEAKER_01: I love those friends who are like, hey, you don't have to answer this because I know that you might be experiencing a lot, but I'm here.
32:21
SPEAKER_01: Like, versus the ones that are like, Where have you been?
32:23
SPEAKER_01: I haven't heard from you.
32:24
SPEAKER_01: And that sort of that guilt.
32:26
SPEAKER_01: So much of this is also just looking around at who you are surrounding yourself with.
32:30
SPEAKER_01: Are you surrounding yourself with women who are talking about other women all the time, who are coming to you and telling you that other women are talking about you, but are doing nothing in that moment to stand up for you.
32:40
SPEAKER_01: Like, I've had a lot of those types of relationships over the course of my life.
32:45
SPEAKER_00: So much.
32:45
SPEAKER_01: Oh my God, right?
32:46
SPEAKER_01: Up until even like a year or two ago.
32:48
SPEAKER_01: And it is easy to get pulled into that and to go back to that playground meme girl vibe.
32:55
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it steals your joy too.
32:56
SPEAKER_01: It steals your joy, right?
32:57
SPEAKER_01: It's it's that the definition, right, of comparison is the thief of joy, or whatever that phrase is.
33:03
SPEAKER_01: And so you have to acknowledge that like not every single situation is a comparative exercise for you to decide your worth.
33:10
SPEAKER_01: It's just not, it's just not.
33:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's say that again for the people in the back because like I think that's not the point, right?
33:17
SPEAKER_00: Your action is not you're not taking action because you know, I want X person to approve of me, or I want them to say good job, or it's not that.
33:26
SPEAKER_00: I think dots also can feel kind of lonely every now and then.
33:29
SPEAKER_00: I think, you know, when you're doing things that are different or you're doing something that you're shifting or changing, and you don't have this mass understanding of yourself, you know, people who used to hang with you or whatever.
33:40
SPEAKER_00: I think it's it's something that can be like, ah, to me, it's it's like, oh, I see you now.
33:45
SPEAKER_00: I didn't see you as clearly as I see you now.
33:46
SPEAKER_00: And I even had this conversation this morning with when I was talking about just the author world uh with another author.
33:52
SPEAKER_00: And it was just like, I think when you're an author, really a human being, honestly.
33:56
SPEAKER_00: But it when you when you're put in a place as an author, you get to a place where you have to ask people for things.
34:01
SPEAKER_00: You have to say, would you buy five books or will you share my name with someone?
34:05
SPEAKER_00: And one, if I'm honest, Aaron, I get really pissed off that I even have to ask, you know, like don't like come on, it's an obvious thing.
34:14
SPEAKER_00: It's really quite simple.
34:15
SPEAKER_00: Just buy it.
34:16
SPEAKER_00: Just tell people to buy it, you buy it, talk about it, like and say my name to somebody that might, you know, want to talk to me, you know.
34:23
SPEAKER_00: So it's just it's not that hard, but it becomes a lot of, I think for me, it probably exaggerates what happens in real life at some point, you know, not in the author world, but you get a lot of rejection.
34:36
SPEAKER_00: I think you get two yeses for every, you know, 20 no's.
34:41
SPEAKER_00: And you get rejected in a way that it's sometimes people just ghost you, they don't respond.
34:46
SPEAKER_00: People don't like to say no, which is a problem, right?
34:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
34:49
SPEAKER_00: And they're trying to be kind or whatever, so they say no by ghosting you, which please everyone just say no kindly or not now versus ghosting someone.
34:57
SPEAKER_00: It's just very bad feeling to be ghosted.
35:00
SPEAKER_01: Well, yes, and I like used to take that much more personally than I do now because now I see it like it's interesting.
35:07
SPEAKER_00: It's them, not you.
35:08
SPEAKER_01: And I also see it as like redirection.
35:11
SPEAKER_01: If I if I truly believe that the universe is conspiring in my favor and I am reaching out, asking someone to do something specific, and they're either hesitant or like not responding, then I'm like, okay, got it.
35:23
SPEAKER_01: That's not something for me to pursue, right?
35:25
SPEAKER_01: It's like when you get to that place where you realize, man, I've been chasing and I've been telling myself that the chase is a part of the job and that it should be hard, and that rejection and saying no is like makes me feel validated and alive.
35:39
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, you know, what if you start to actually want what wants you?
35:43
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's just a very different sort of life and an energy.
35:48
SPEAKER_01: And it's it requires a release of control or your idea of what you think control is.
35:53
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I have always thought that being in control kept me safe, but it actually kept me from experiencing a lot of good.
36:00
SPEAKER_01: And it also was such a farce because I had no control over so much of what I thought I did.
36:06
SPEAKER_00: Right.
36:07
SPEAKER_01: So it's it's like the releasing of that, the, and again, like what we were just talking about, when you have people around you who see your success or or things that you're working on as competition with them or or they have that scarcity mindset, they aren't going to show up for you.
36:24
SPEAKER_01: They're not gonna say your name in those rooms because they're gonna think it takes away from their chance.
36:28
SPEAKER_01: And so you have to just start to say, you know what, those aren't the people I'm gonna put any more time and energy towards.
36:34
SPEAKER_01: It's not good for the karma that I am building around me and that I deserve to receive in spades.
36:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:42
SPEAKER_00: And again, I think those are the moments that are hard, I think, as we're evolving and becoming.
36:48
SPEAKER_00: And but I honestly think, you know, that's what it's all about.
36:51
SPEAKER_00: I used to think that the world needed just to understand who I was and accept me for what I'm doing and who I am and how I dress and all those things.
36:58
SPEAKER_00: But it's when I made that shift in at 48 that I realized, no, I need to know who I am, and then I know how to navigate the world and where I should be and where I fit.
37:10
SPEAKER_00: And maybe I fit here now, but I don't want to fit here anymore.
37:14
SPEAKER_00: You know?
37:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
37:15
SPEAKER_00: So I think that was a big aha for me.
37:18
SPEAKER_00: And I think with your book, I think it's encouraging women to realize that they don't have to prove themselves, they don't have to make excuses for why they did what they did or explain themselves to anyone when they were just trying to either get through it or survive or you know, get to that point.
37:36
SPEAKER_00: What else do you want women or men uh who read the book to walk away with?
37:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because I think, you know, I wrote this book for women, but I invite men to read it because I think it's a look into and behind the scenes of what it is to be a woman in the world.
37:51
SPEAKER_01: And so I think it actually will help men in their relationships and partnerships and support of women.
37:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
37:59
SPEAKER_01: So what I would tell women is anxiety is reliving what's already happened in the past and worrying about and planning for what could happen in the future.
38:09
SPEAKER_01: Where you get to like just eviscerate anxiety is in the present.
38:14
SPEAKER_01: And that has taken me a long time to be able to do.
38:17
SPEAKER_01: And I'm a woman who has navigated clinical anxiety since I was 13.
38:21
SPEAKER_01: So I'm like 30 years of being an expert at having to live with this.
38:27
SPEAKER_00: You're a pro.
38:28
SPEAKER_01: I'm a pro, but I'm a pro.
38:29
SPEAKER_01: I'm a real pro.
38:30
SPEAKER_01: I know anxiety really well.
38:32
SPEAKER_01: But if I could get back the wasted hours that I've had of reliving experiences that have caused me pain or worrying about things that could happen that actually never do, I would have a lot more years.
38:47
SPEAKER_01: And so I'm I'm making that change now.
38:49
SPEAKER_01: And I'm really trying to be here in this moment and to be present and to and to believe that when I'm having a conversation with someone or I'm in the midst of an experience, that is where I'm supposed to be.
39:01
SPEAKER_01: And I don't have to worry about trying to be in another place or being something for someone else.
39:07
SPEAKER_00: Or being everything to everyone.
39:09
SPEAKER_01: Being everything to everyone.
39:10
SPEAKER_01: Women need to reclaim the present moment because we uh overextend ourselves uh$10.9 trillion dollars in unpaid labor every single year is what women contribute to the world.
39:23
SPEAKER_00: I think when we do give more of ourselves in some wherever you're doing that, and whether getting paid means, you know, relationship or getting paid means literal getting paid, like you were just uh citing, it it takes a toll in some shape or form, and you may not know it until it actually becomes like a DEF CON 5 moment, like for me.
39:44
SPEAKER_01: Till your body deteriorates or you have a health scare or relationships deteriorate, yeah.
39:50
SPEAKER_01: It will eventually catch up to you.
39:52
SPEAKER_01: You can't outrun it.
39:53
SPEAKER_00: You can't outwork it.
39:55
SPEAKER_01: You can't out anything it.
39:57
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's just like, you know, when I turned 40, the phrase that came to me was I will no longer abandon myself in service to others.
40:05
SPEAKER_01: And so what that doesn't mean is that you never are serving others or that you're not being altruistic or that you're not working, but it does mean that if a relationship or a work endeavor requires the abandonment of yourself in order to participate in it, you really need to reconsider whether or not it's the right thing for you because no one is coming to save you but you.
40:29
SPEAKER_00: No, yeah, no one's gonna do it for you.
40:31
SPEAKER_00: No one can make you make that first bold step.
40:34
SPEAKER_00: No one can just say be bold and you go be bold.
40:36
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it you have to believe that it's the right next step.
40:41
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's the other thing that can, I think, get in the way, and the book helps is you don't have to go one to one hundred.
40:47
SPEAKER_00: You just have to start your track there, you know, like people who hike or people who, you know, want to reach these peaks, it isn't something they just decide on a Saturday morning and go do it, right?
40:58
SPEAKER_00: They're taking the steps toward it, you know, whether they're training or they're understanding it or doing the research or talking to people, which are all things you can do too, to make that first step, whether it's leaving a job or starting something new or getting curious.
41:10
SPEAKER_00: I think that's a skill a lot of us, the curiosity skill set and just being present and like being, you know, in all of things, that kind of stuff.
41:19
SPEAKER_00: I know I wouldn't have noticed that before.
41:22
SPEAKER_01: And also not if you were your head was in your phone.
41:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
41:25
SPEAKER_01: In order to be present and to experience what's happening, you have to look up.
41:28
SPEAKER_01: And so that's that's the other thing.
41:30
SPEAKER_01: Because if you're trying to be somewhere else while you are where you are, the phone is a very easy way to do that.
41:36
SPEAKER_01: You can be in five places.
41:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
41:38
SPEAKER_01: It's why at the end of every single chapter I have shifts, five small shifts to make towards whatever I had just talked about or identified as a conditioning that we are having to decide if it still works for us.
41:50
SPEAKER_01: And these are really small things that felt very difficult at first for me.
41:55
SPEAKER_01: And so I'm not trying to negate what it is to decide to put your phone down for for 30 minutes when your inclination and your knee-jerk reaction is to ensure that you are showing up for all of these people.
42:10
SPEAKER_01: It is going to feel so uncomfortable, but change only happens when you move through discomfort.
42:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
42:18
SPEAKER_00: And the fear sometimes I think that might come up as well.
42:22
SPEAKER_00: You're scared or you're not sure.
42:23
SPEAKER_00: Or, you know, I know I was uh several years ago when woman said, I just want to guarantee that this is gonna work.
42:28
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I can't give you advance.
42:31
SPEAKER_00: That's not within my pay grade, and you know, like in the sense of only God knows that.
42:36
SPEAKER_00: So, like, yeah, that's not my job.
42:38
SPEAKER_00: I can't do that for you, right?
42:39
SPEAKER_00: No, no one's gonna guarantee it.
42:41
SPEAKER_00: And I think when you're thinking about what's best for you, and you know, you were talking about how you know choosing to serve others before yourself or you know, take care of everyone else, like you're just as important, if not more important, and uh it's something that we hear all the time, but I just I don't know how many times some people need to hear it uh before they actually see the change.
43:00
SPEAKER_00: And I don't want people to get to that point where they have a hell scare or something like that that gets them, you know, back in alignment, so to speak.
43:08
SPEAKER_00: And so just listen uh to what your body's telling you, what your heart is telling you, that intuition that you were talking about that's so important.
43:16
SPEAKER_01: Like you are the only person that you are going to spend every waking hour and sleeping state for the rest of your life.
43:24
SPEAKER_01: You are the only person that you're gonna spend that with, so you need to be good to her.
43:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
43:28
SPEAKER_00: So what's a first step for someone who's really like they're hearing this today and they're like, man, I just don't know where to start.
43:34
SPEAKER_00: Where do they start?
43:35
SPEAKER_00: Pick up the book, one thing, but outside of that, listen to your podcast.
43:38
SPEAKER_00: And then what do they need to do?
43:40
SPEAKER_00: What can they do just to start the process?
43:43
SPEAKER_01: For me, it really helps to write things down.
43:46
SPEAKER_01: And so I think to start, it's grabbing a piece of paper and saying, What do you want out of your life right now that is going to require a shift?
43:58
SPEAKER_01: So if you are in a beautifully happy marriage and you have friends that are all soul-filling and your job is gratifying, like, who are you by the way?
44:08
SPEAKER_00: If you're not please drop us a DM when we would like to interview you and application.
44:20
SPEAKER_01: Then then talk about what that is, you know, is I cannot work the hours that I'm working right now.
44:25
SPEAKER_01: Write it down.
44:26
SPEAKER_01: So when you start to talk about the things that you're carrying and you get them out of your head and onto paper, I find that it just feels like a step in and of itself.
44:35
SPEAKER_01: And then once you have them there, you can say, okay, how am I going to start to tackle these things one at a time or simultaneously based on the level of difficulty or what's necessary.
44:46
SPEAKER_01: But once you have it on paper and you can look at it and it's no longer just floating around your head, it becomes more real.
44:52
SPEAKER_01: And so that's what I would do first is start to write down what you want to change.
44:56
SPEAKER_01: And then you will begin to see the path forward on how to do it.
45:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
45:00
SPEAKER_00: And then you like you see that thing, you know, let's say it's like get a degree or learn more about or take a trip.
45:06
SPEAKER_00: Then you're like, okay, or leave my job or start a new job, whatever it may be, because it's not all about quitting your job.
45:12
SPEAKER_00: We talk about that a lot, but take the next step.
45:14
SPEAKER_00: Like, what is it?
45:15
SPEAKER_00: You know, and I think that's important.
45:17
SPEAKER_00: So as we close out, one of the things is the subtitle is Breaking Free from Mean Girls, Patriarchy and the System Silencing You.
45:25
SPEAKER_00: What's a tip for dealing with that?
45:27
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, no, you talk about it in detail in the book, but I think if someone's going to deal with, you know, a mean girl today, what would you what would you tell them?
45:35
SPEAKER_00: Like, this is someone I like, this is someone I thought was my friend, this is someone I've supported, and now for some reason we're not aligned and it feels pretty awful.
45:45
SPEAKER_01: I would say pause before you respond in whatever the engagement is.
45:50
SPEAKER_01: It could be that it's an email, a text, a phone call, an in-person interaction.
45:57
SPEAKER_00: Give it some space.
45:58
SPEAKER_01: Give it some space.
45:59
SPEAKER_01: When we are flooded and required to respond instantaneously, adrenaline is leading.
46:06
SPEAKER_01: And so it's not actually always the choice that we want to make.
46:09
SPEAKER_01: So give yourself space.
46:11
SPEAKER_01: If a person doesn't allow you to have space to think about something or make a decision, red flag.
46:16
SPEAKER_00: That's your answer.
46:17
unknown: Red flag.
46:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
46:19
SPEAKER_01: Right?
46:19
SPEAKER_01: If you're like, I need space, and then they call you instead, like red flag.
46:24
SPEAKER_01: So give yourself some space before you decide to react.
46:28
SPEAKER_01: And then you don't have to react.
46:30
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's the other thing is the mean girls in my life who continue to show up as even as a 43-year-old woman.
46:36
SPEAKER_00: No, well, guess what?
46:37
SPEAKER_00: They don't stop.
46:38
SPEAKER_01: I mean, they they won't be here forever, but we get to decide how much access they have to us.
46:43
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
46:43
SPEAKER_01: And so when you respond, you give them oxygen.
46:47
SPEAKER_01: That is what they are here for.
46:48
SPEAKER_01: They are here for a response, right?
46:50
SPEAKER_01: They want to keep this push and pull, this tug of war, this high and low cycle going.
46:58
SPEAKER_01: As soon as you remove yourself from it, you don't respond, they lose all power.
47:02
SPEAKER_01: And so I would say to just pause, give yourself space.
47:06
SPEAKER_01: And it's not even before you respond, it's and decide if you even want.
47:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
47:11
SPEAKER_00: Use your intuition too.
47:12
SPEAKER_00: I think going back to that powerful thing we had inside us that we sometimes have been taught to not listen to, but kind of bring it back.
47:20
SPEAKER_00: It's time to bring it back.
47:22
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being on the bold lounge.
47:24
SPEAKER_00: All the information about Erin, hype woman, and the organizations and the things that she leads, and the membership and the incredible dinners, along with her book, are below.
47:32
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for sharing your bold journey with us today.
47:35
SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Lee.
47:35
SPEAKER_01: Appreciate you.
47:38
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to the Bold Lounge podcast.
47:42
SPEAKER_00: Through the continuum of bold stories, vulnerability to taking the lead, you will meet more extraordinary people making a positive impact for others through their unique and important stories.
47:52
SPEAKER_00: By highlighting these stories, we hope to inspire others and share the journey of those with a bold mindset.
47:57
SPEAKER_00: We hope you've enjoyed this podcast and look forward to sharing the next bold journey with us.