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Transcript

But Will There Be Riding? · Relatively Stable

• 0:00
  [music]
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: But will there be writing?
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: The quietest event at the farm.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sitting in the hallway of the barn with a bunch of people I've just met.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: We're reading silently to ourselves and writing in our notebooks.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: I am rarely given an opportunity to just be.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Time like this has to be carved out deliberately,
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: like the watermelon Stephanie brought,
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: its yellow fruit shocking with its cool sweetness.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: After the initial awkwardness,
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: there are a few things so comforting as sharing silence with a group
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: of travelers searching for the same things.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: I think about religious communities taking vows of silence, why they do that.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: And what they find when the newness of their loud selves has faded and they're left
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: with shared space and body language, like a horse.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't the first month that we've held books at the barn,
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: a fully democratic book club held on the last Friday of every month,
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: a club where no one tells you what to read.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: But it's the first time we're welcoming newcomers beyond our regular farm family.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: I made a little post on Facebook announcing the date.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't the first time I'd advertised the event on social media.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: I used a recycled image and quickly threw together an informal description.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: I posted and went on with my evening.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Later, I sat on the mower while my earbuds chimed with notifications,
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: but I assumed it was all virtual junk mail and hardly glanced at my phone.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: So it was several hours before I saw the numbers of comments and views on
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: the post announcing books at the barn.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: 7,000, 14,000, 28,000.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: By the time the traffic began to trickle later in the night, we had 40,000 views.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: I quickly pieced together a welcome message for people curious about the event.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: I made a spreadsheet because I will make a spreadsheet for every second of the day
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: if I'm given permission to organize the seconds for you,
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: for me, and for your mother.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Books at the barn spreading like wildfire made me so thankful, but it also pissed me off.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Please keep your hands inside the silence.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: 90% of my spreadsheet curated life is spent creating content.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: I've designed websites since their infancy,
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: had a following on LiveJournal,
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: and predicted the demise of the yellow pages in the paper phone book while arguing
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: with the reps at AT&T about their blackmailing, shady, ludicrous ad pricing.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: I have lived the rise of the internet,
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: I was an early adopter of social media because all my friends in Turkey had iPhones
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: and Facebook.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: I will still fight anyone who would like to argue that WordPress isn't unreasonably complicated.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: I have blogged, I have edited without Grammarly, and I've made friends with AI.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Particularly for scenarios when someone contacts me because they want to volunteer
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: at the farm, but can I pay them?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: And they can only work three hours on a weekend.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: And they're pregnant, so they can only work for three months.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: So would I please give them a call to speak to them on the phone instead of texting?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: AI keeps me kind and keeps others safe from my darker verbal impulses.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a governor on my SAS engine.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: When people boast to me about how they don't like to take part in social media, I applaud them.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: Still, I don't have the luxury of living a fully organic life off the screen,
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: no matter how much of mine is spent covered in a layer of dust and sweat dripping
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: into my eyeballs.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: People find the farm because of the content we place online.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Writing is my love language, but keeping up with the ever-changing algorithm can be a chore.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: The words you're reading here are exempt from the business of keeping the farm relevant.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: I write for me to you each week.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: No matter how much it drives me bananas,
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: a blog doesn't stir new business for the barn very often,
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: but it helps me connect with the world.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why this is my favorite time of the week,
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: sitting here with you and telling you about my world.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: I use a lot of words and paragraphs when I write.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: This trait doesn't make me a darling of the algorithm.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I spend so much time asking those of you who have found me here,
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: you people who put up with my wordiness, for your support.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so deeply thankful for how you all, many of whom I've never met, keep the farm going.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Your presence here keeps me going.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: As for social media,
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: on a good week,
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: I can make a little post about an event at the farm
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: and it will maybe reach one new person who will connect with us and
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: then most likely not commit to attend whatever event captured their interest.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm thankful for that too.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: That said,
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: I never in a million years thought books at the barn would draw attention
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: from anyone outside our immediate in-person circle.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Suddenly there were 40,000 views and more people than I can count on two hands ready to commit.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: We went from having an event I truly enjoy,
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: a time that captures everything I would be doing when given an hour
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: to do anything I wish,
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: namely read and write, to an offering that I had to manage and prepare for.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: I found myself with a little jalapeno kettle chip on my shoulder.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't eaten those with plain hummus, you're missing out.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: As I stated previously, I spend most of my days creating content.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's the nature of the beast.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: One cannot have a business without a social media presence.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Writing is who I am.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Did an essay go viral?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Did a podcast episode reach the masses?
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: A post I spent a total of five minutes constructing,
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: connected with our local community and beyond in a way that I was not prepared for.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: How was I going to make certain that these newcomers would be welcomed,
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: immersed, and that we remain true to the spirit of the event?
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Boundaries.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'd have to make them, honor them, and not be swayed.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like a hastily erected fence of step-in post and electro braid rope,
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: this event must stay grounded and connected to a power source.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Luckily, the farm had been working its magic for months prior, preparing me for the task.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: But will there be riding?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's a hard sell trying to prove that silence and stillness hold value.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Contemplation, meditation, watching a movie, reading a book, sitting in church.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: We stop and watch the sunset, our eyes fixed and amazed on the horizon.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: So much of being with horses requires action,
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: and the world is determined to get their money's worth.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Luckily,
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: books at the barn is free,
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: so I felt less pressure to produce and keep people happy than I do in
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: a regular session.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: But recently I worked with a mom and teenager who stood beneath the misters in
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: the cool shade of the barn.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: The horses dozed in the cross ties as the pair brushed their coats
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: with unflinching awareness and deliberation.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: I offered the humans a choice.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: We could lead the horses out to the ring and spend time moving,
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: or we could remain where we were, grooming, in silence.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: At first, the visitors traded responsibility back and forth.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: You answer.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: No, you answer.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: I watched them like a tennis match, assuring them that I didn't have a preference either way.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Finally,
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: a little guiltily,
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: They both admitted they wanted to remain in the barn with the horses and
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: the brushes, but they were hesitant to let me know they enjoyed it so much.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: It was their first time at the barn,
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: but even they knew that the world expected them to prove themselves
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: by achieving something notable during a horse experience.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: What they'd proven without trying was that they could slow down and listen to
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: a horse, which might be the most important task we can learn.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: I remember the first time that the teenager who founded books at the barn and I were
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: the only attendees.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: We sat in the cool quiet of the barn hallway,
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: the misters humming with the soft fog drifting through the humidity.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: I wrote quietly in my notebook.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: The teenager read, At the end of the hour, we stretched and grinned at each other.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: I spent hours in the barn every day, but I hadn't experienced that yet.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: The slow genius of contemplation.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's that reverence for the time and landscape that I want to preserve as we open
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: the event up to the greater public.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard to capture the essence of all that in a welcome email.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: As inquiries about books at the barn arrived,
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't once resort to AI to manufacture patience for answering
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: the typical questions.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: I want a certificate or some acknowledgement for this.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: For example, can I pet a horse?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Interactions with the horses are not a part of this event, but the horses will be nearby.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: Can I talk to a horse?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: You may speak to the horses from a distance,
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: but not during the quiet time set aside for reading.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: May I feed lettuce to the horses?
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: They are not ducks.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: May I feed carrots and apples to the horses?
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: No, they may choke.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Will there be riding?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Riding is not the purpose of this event.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: But will we have a chance to ride?
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Riding is not the purpose of this event.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: I've written enough about why our farm emphasizes humans learning groundwork
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: before they ever swing their leg over a horse.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: People like to toss around the fallacy that I don't believe in riding,
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: but nothing could be further from the truth.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: I believe in riding, and people ride horses with me every day of the week except Monday.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Monday is for catching up on emails and finding better ways
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: to explain how Why learning to interact with a horse on the ground is imperative
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: to communicating clearly in the saddle.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: But let me reduce our foundational philosophy all the way to the ground.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Beyond horses and riding and kissing a sweet soft nose,
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: the horse is totally put up with this and are daily patient with me when I walk past
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: and boop them because a horse nose is irresistible.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: A horse farm gives humans a chance to slow down and feel their presence inside their bodies.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: And that is how you learn to understand and cultivate a partnership with a horse.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Books at the Barn might sound like it's a club where we all sit around and enjoy our books.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: But in essence,
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: it's an hour where you slow down,
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: quieten the noise in your mind, and tune into the frequency of the herd.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's even better than riding, this chance to share space and get to know yourself.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: It might,
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: and I say this on good authority because I've had decades to practice the art
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: of being near a horse, be the most important thing.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: But will there be riding?
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sitting in the hallway of the barn with a bunch of people I've just met.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: News traveled so fast for an event designed to slow time down.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: I try to look from the outside in,
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: remembering the person who needed to quit her real jobs and take a break
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: to be near horses.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: The horses seem like the only solution, and I know the core of that girl still resides in me.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: I must find her.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: We are all searching for the same thing,
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: a chance to calm down while being immersed in the thick air of nearby creatures
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: who couldn't care less what book we're reading or, in my case, trying to write.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: Horses don't care about human creations.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Their concern is lodged in the creation around us, the grass, the trees, the dirt, the sky.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: We have to act like we're doing something to sit next to the whir of the tree bugs
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: as twilight slants the light through the branches.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: We go on hikes.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: We ride horses.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: We mountain bike.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: We camp.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: We get desperate when development threatens our dreams,
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: so we throw all our savings on an old horse farm with crooked fencing and
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: And trees older than the year the first settlers came and brought their axes
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: to make timber to frame houses besides some spring water in the wild.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: I only have to stake my claim on silence once during Books at the Barn.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: A lovely lady sits beside me at the table in the hallway of the barn.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: She asks me in a whisper to tell her about the horses.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't a time for talking, I say, and immediately feel guilty.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: She braces as if she's done something wrong.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: The girl inside of me who was terrified of having her piece taken away
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: if she voices what she wants,
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: immediately rushes in to rectify, soothe, and deliver the promised goods.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: When this is over, I say, well, take a walk around the pond and I'll answer all your questions.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard to return to my notebook for the last 15 minutes.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: The others, some old, some new, pet the cat and turn the pages in the books.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: One watches the horse across from her in the stall.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I need to rise and give everyone a horse experience.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: But then I question my urge.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Where does it come from?
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: From the way that we measure agriculture by production,
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: by the way that we are all trained to only exist by doing,
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: by the acting we should all receive Oscars for as we go about the day.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: I choose to remain silent.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: I plead my fifth.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: Not every story can be told with words.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: And later beside the pond,
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: The horses in the graveyard field run over to greet us,
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: curious to know what we're doing,
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: interested in this herd of humans asking nothing
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: of them except their exceptional presence.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: There are times for words, and there are times for silence.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: In between, if we're very lucky, we get to hear ourselves.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps for the very first time.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: Love, Kim