Latest / Authentic Living / Navigating Divorce: Lisa Ziederman on Family Law, Mental Well-Being, and Financial Empowerment
Transcript
- 0:01Welcome to Authentic Living with Roxanne, a place where we have conscious conversations
- 0:08about things that really matter in our lives.
- 0:12And now here's your host, Roxanne Durhaj.
- 0:38Everyone, it's Roxanne Dorhodch.
- 0:40Thanks for tuning in again to Authentic Living with Roxanne.
- 0:43Today I have a special guest, and it's Lisa Seideman.
- 0:48And she's coming to us, you're in New York City, right, Lisa?
- 0:51Yes.
- 0:52One of my favorite places to go at least once a year.
- 0:55Lisa brings a fascinating background.
- 0:57I'm going read a little bit about her bio, but the full bio will be in the show notes.
- 1:02But she is the matching partner at Miller Zeiterman LLP based in New York, like we said,
- 1:07matrimonial lawyer, CFL and certified divorce financial analyst.
- 1:12She handles complex financial and custody cases.
- 1:15She's named to Crane's New York list of notable women attorneys in 'twenty one and 'twenty
- 1:21three.
- 1:22And she's the founding member of Savvy Ladies.
- 1:26So it's Savvy Ladies and I'm just going to correct.
- 1:29I'm not the founding member, but I am actually board chair of Savvy Ladies.
- 1:32Okay.
- 1:33Fantastic.
- 1:34And she writes for Psychology Today, legal matters, understanding mental health issues as
- 1:39they apply to separation and divorce.
- 1:41So Lisa, thanks so much for granting us with your presence here today, and I'm looking
- 1:46forward to this talk.
- 1:48Like I shared with Lisa just before, I went through a divorce and I remember what impact it
- 1:53had on my life and my career at that time as an executive.
- 1:56So I'm very interested in chatting a little bit about things with her today.
- 2:00Lisa, did you always want to be a lawyer when you were a little girl or did you grow up in a
- 2:06family of lawyers?
- 2:07How did you end up in dealing with females in separation and divorce?
- 2:11So it's none of the above actually.
- 2:13So first I wanted to be a doctor And I will say these days, I actually, I'm thinking, why
- 2:19didn't I do that?
- 2:20Because I think I would have wanted to be a surgeon.
- 2:22I just had a client who was a surgeon and I was thinking that could have been really great.
- 2:26But actually what happened was I decided I was going into the fashion business.
- 2:30And after high school, I went into the fashion business and remained there, became basically
- 2:37an entrepreneur in the fashion business.
- 2:38And then when I went through my own divorce, decided I was going to become a lawyer.
- 2:43And specifically, I wanted to focus on matrimonial divorce, prenups and postnups.
- 2:49And so I went to got my undergrad and then my law degree and did all of this in that seven
- 2:57years and then started working as a young associate, although I wasn't that young at the
- 3:03time, I was like 42.
- 3:05And then opened my own practice in 2013, which I've had for about twelve years now.
- 3:10But it was not the dream actually.
- 3:12It became the dream during my divorce.
- 3:15Wow.
- 3:16So you actually firsthand experience going through it.
- 3:19Did you take some of your experiences as you were going through, like when you reflected on
- 3:26your divorce, does that experience come up and you take that in mind when you're helping a
- 3:32woman through a divorce?
- 3:34So yes, and by the way, I represent males and females, yes, it does.
- 3:39I think about how I felt at the time, which was I had a lack of response from attorneys or I
- 3:48felt that I wasn't getting a fast enough response.
- 3:50It was a very stressful time certainly because you're dealing with issues about your kids and
- 3:54your finances.
- 3:56And I think those are the two most stressful areas that anyone could be focused on.
- 4:00And so, yes, I often think about it.
- 4:03And once in a while I see my former attorney and I think to myself as I'm sitting there,
- 4:09either they're late or they're not, their client is waiting.
- 4:12And I'm thinking that's how I felt when I was their client.
- 4:15So I think that it's really important for attorneys in matrimonial and family law to
- 4:21understand that the stressors are huge and that there's a lot at stake for clients when you're
- 4:28dealing with issues for kids and issues about their finances.
- 4:31And this is going to be very long lasting that attorneys really do focus on their clients
- 4:37because those clients are in need.
- 4:39And that doesn't mean by the way doing every single thing that your client requests of you.
- 4:44It means guiding them but being very responsive to what they're asking.
- 4:48Yeah and to your point, I remember as I was going through the process or me as an executive
- 4:53with the health and wellness firm that I worked for, we would say okay, the lawyer would say,
- 4:58no when you need to go see someone for your mental health and know that you know that keep
- 5:04the legal related concerns and to come from a frame where you're not going to the lawyer for
- 5:08every single thing and you're having support.
- 5:10And it doesn't always have to just be a therapist.
- 5:12It could be just good supports with family, friends, those types of things.
- 5:16Or if not, it becomes awfully expensive if it becomes a kind of a back and forth kind of
- 5:21thing.
- 5:21Without a doubt.
- 5:22And look, there are certain things that other people are much more qualified for, which is
- 5:26why it's very important that attorneys understand that it's important to work with
- 5:30other professionals as well.
- 5:32So therapists, forensic accountants, tax attorneys, vocational analysts, you name it.
- 5:39There is an area that you might not be qualified for.
- 5:42I was just on the phone with a client and a trust in the states issue came up.
- 5:46And I said, we need a trust in the states attorney to answer that.
- 5:48And then a tax issue came up.
- 5:50And the client said, well, can answer this.
- 5:52I said, no, actually, I can't answer that.
- 5:54That is not an area that I focus on and we really need to do that.
- 5:58Or we were discussing the division of a retirement account.
- 6:02And she said, you know about retirement accounts?
- 6:04Yes, I do know.
- 6:05And I know enough that we need an actuary to actually give us the language so that this does
- 6:09not actually end up in a colossal era later.
- 6:13And so it's important to actually recognise your strengths and where you need actually the
- 6:18collaboration of other professionals.
- 6:21Let's talk a little bit about, you know, mental well-being of an individual going through a
- 6:27separation or divorce.
- 6:29What are some of the main issues that you write about in Psychology Today related to mental
- 6:35health?
- 6:35Because I think that's really important.
- 6:37And it is, I would say, unfortunately with the stats that we know with divorces, they're high.
- 6:43But everybody goes through it in a different way.
- 6:45So what are some of the mental health concerns that employers, because I'm going say a lot of
- 6:50employers are going to be watching this episode or listening.
- 6:54What kind of things can you share with
- 6:56them?
- 6:57So I think that for employers and their employees, I would say that the mental health
- 7:03issues and just the regular day to day issues as you go through a divorce can be very
- 7:08stressful and very anxiety provoking.
- 7:11And anxiety can cover a lot of areas.
- 7:14But I would say that your employee, okay, as an employee, you may all of a sudden feel that you
- 7:20actually have less time to devote to your work.
- 7:26And I think employers need to be mindful of the fact that this is a temporary situation.
- 7:31It may feel like it goes on way too long because sometimes divorces do, but it's still
- 7:36situation.
- 7:37And at some point it's going to change.
- 7:39And I think that what you're going to see is that an employee may feel more anxious.
- 7:45Certainly, you may have employees that actually have certain addiction issues that have to be
- 7:51dealt with during a divorce, sometimes substance abuse issues, alcoholism, all of
- 7:56those kinds of issues may rise to the top because all of a sudden you have a spouse who
- 8:01is no longer covering for the spouse.
- 8:04They are actually pointing it out.
- 8:07And so those could be issues.
- 8:10I think credit card debt becomes another issue.
- 8:13I think that if there's a mental health illness such as somebody may be bipolar or they may
- 8:19have a borderline personality disorder, or there may be an ADHD type of situation.
- 8:25All of these things are going to be, certainly points that, the other spouse may be pointing
- 8:32to.
- 8:33But many of these are things that maybe always existed and maybe be controlled or work through
- 8:39the challenges through medication and therapy, etcetera.
- 8:42So I would say that the most important thing is to be supportive of your employee and
- 8:49understand that there may be times when the employee has to go to court, or has to appear
- 8:55at a deposition, or may need to actually take care of a child.
- 9:00Maybe that didn't happen before as much, but maybe now that the responsibilities are being
- 9:05divided up in a different way, that these may be ways that the employer can start to think
- 9:12about for the employee that these are things that are actually going to
- 9:15occur.
- 9:17So it's really important that employees feel comfortable enough if they're going through
- 9:21this.
- 9:22And I think I mentioned to you when I was going through this, I was an executive and I really
- 9:26didn't share.
- 9:27We were talking fifteen years ago.
- 9:29But now, do you guide your clients to say, It's probably a good idea before a deposition gets
- 9:34to the employer or something like that?
- 9:37Or do you just kind of figure out what your client's about and then kind of guide them in
- 9:41reference to what they might share with their employer?
- 9:43Because sometimes employees might say, This is personal life, but I don't know if I want to
- 9:48share that because my employer might think it might impact my performance and in fact it may
- 9:53not.
- 9:54Do you take it case by case, Lisa, to give them guidance?
- 9:57No, I think it's case by case.
- 9:58Look, I think oversharing is not probably a good idea.
- 10:03The entire office doesn't need to know about your divorce.
- 10:06I think that sharing and oversharing are different.
- 10:10So that's one pointer.
- 10:12I also think that giving a employer a heads up where you can, that there may be a subpoena,
- 10:20for example, arriving for certain documents.
- 10:22So many times a lawyer will subpoena for records of employment, a file from the HR
- 10:32department, documents regarding restricted stock units or stock options to understand
- 10:39whether those stock options or restricted stock units are actually for past performance or
- 10:44future performance, because it actually will matter during the divorce in terms of dividing
- 10:48up those types of assets.
- 10:51Things like finding out if there's a bonus compensation, and if that bonus compensation is
- 10:57by contract or is it by performance?
- 11:00And was there an offer letter?
- 11:03So some of these things may be things that the attorney absolutely needs.
- 11:09And sometimes we need them in a particular format in order to get them into evidence at,
- 11:14for example, a trial.
- 11:16And so it's not that your employee has actually caused all of this to happen.
- 11:21It may be very much beyond the employee's control.
- 11:26And I think that when employers just cooperate, they buy a lot of goodwill from the employee
- 11:32for the long term and they buy less difficulties for themselves.
- 11:37Absolutely.
- 11:38So when, let's say an employee is going through something and their direct supervisor or
- 11:45director is recognizing that Roxanne's productivity is, you know, it's a little bit,
- 11:52it's waning a bit or whatever.
- 11:54What kind of guidance would you give them, Lisa?
- 11:56Like you said, the quicker it gets done, better for everybody, for your finances, what's coming
- 12:01in from that perspective, how your children could be taken care of.
- 12:05Sometimes it's long and drawn out and sometimes it's quick and dirty and all the way through.
- 12:09What kind of guidance would you give people that are managing others that may be going
- 12:14through this?
- 12:15So I think the first thing is to have transparency.
- 12:19So you need to tell your employee what the issues are.
- 12:22Perhaps that the performance is waning so that you have a direct conversation with the
- 12:27employee.
- 12:28Is there a way to actually change around the hours, for example, or modify where the
- 12:35employee is working from?
- 12:37Nowadays, we have so much remote.
- 12:39Is it something that can be dealt with in terms of where the employee is doing things more
- 12:45remotely so they can be more available perhaps for their children, or more available to go to
- 12:50a court appearance so that they don't lose the whole day.
- 12:52They can go to the court appearance in the morning and be available in the afternoon, but
- 12:56working from home.
- 12:57So I think that it's about communication and transparency, and it's on both sides, right?
- 13:02I think that the employee needs to be transparent about the fact, look, I'm going
- 13:06through a divorce, and there may be time that I need time off.
- 13:10But for example, whereas I might leave early on a Tuesday because I have the children, Maybe I
- 13:16can work later on a Thursday and make up for that.
- 13:19And I think that everybody needs to work together because if you have great employees,
- 13:25and I say this as a business owner, if you have great employees, don't want to lose great
- 13:28employees.
- 13:29You've spent a lot of time integrating them into your firm or your work environment or your
- 13:36company.
- 13:37And you certainly don't want to lose them just because someone is going through a divorce or
- 13:41an illness or anything that is a big transition for them.
- 13:45There's ways to work around that because life is complex and there's going to be transitions
- 13:49for people.
- 13:51So what if you're the owner or the CEO and you're struggling?
- 13:55Like it's one thing to say, okay, you're managing someone.
- 13:58But if you're at the helm and you're struggling, what guidance would you give
- 14:01somebody at that senior level?
- 14:03Because obviously the higher up you go, the less there is to support for you.
- 14:07What kinds of things should someone at those higher levels consider when they're going
- 14:11through something like this?
- 14:12One would assume it would be smoother for them, but it may be more chaotic.
- 14:16You never know what the situation is.
- 14:18So I would say one thing is to, again, think about when you can make up the time for what
- 14:26you're doing.
- 14:27And that may mean frankly, that you are staying up much later at night, right after your kids
- 14:32are in bed and working.
- 14:34It may mean that you're getting up much earlier.
- 14:37It may mean that you're working on the weekends when the other spouse has the children.
- 14:42Or during holidays or vacations, maybe you're taking less vacation time or you're working
- 14:48through those vacation times.
- 14:49So I think that the key is to make sure that you're still managing your business going
- 14:54through that.
- 14:55It's a juggling act.
- 14:56There's no question about it.
- 14:58But I think that there's a few things.
- 15:01I think delegating it all doesn't really work because I think that there's a reason why you
- 15:06are running your company.
- 15:08And so I think that, yes, it's going to be like almost two jobs right now, right?
- 15:12As you're going through a divorce, divorce is a job.
- 15:15And so you may have two jobs now, and maybe you have three if you're raising children also and
- 15:21taking care of your kids.
- 15:23But again, at some point it is going to come to the end of that and you're going to be able to
- 15:30go back.
- 15:30So it is a period of time when it is for a time certain, right?
- 15:37Okay, now it might be feel uncertain, but it is for a time certain because everybody eventually
- 15:41gets it done.
- 15:42And I would say also make sure that your employees understand what their jobs really
- 15:49are, and that you're able to oversee if you are delegating something that you're able to
- 15:54oversee what you're delegating, and that you are being transparent.
- 15:58I have to be out of the office at this time, or I'm not available for a call at this time,
- 16:03working around it.
- 16:04And then of course, where you can explain to a court, I may not be available at this time.
- 16:08Could we make it this time?
- 16:10And that's not so easy because courts don't necessarily work around the employer or
- 16:15employee's schedule.
- 16:16They have their own schedule and keeping in mind they want to move their cases too.
- 16:20But I think it is about, again, about just making sure that you understand that this is a
- 16:26moment in time and that at some point this moment will pass.
- 16:33Absolutely.
- 16:33So it's not something that's so long term that it's never ending.
- 16:38At some point the employee is gonna, they're gonna wrap it up, they're gonna have their
- 16:41separation agreement, all those things, and then they're gonna just have that flow.
- 16:45Now we were talking before we got online that sometimes you have a team.
- 16:49And I know it was I worked in employee assistance programs as an executive and we
- 16:55would offer things like legal they would be connected to a lawyer immediately if they
- 17:00wanted a consultation.
- 17:01There was financial advisers.
- 17:03There was child support.
- 17:05There was house cope through separation.
- 17:08What other team what other supports do you think employers need to consider?
- 17:12Because with the benefits packages, oftentimes there's a lot of things available.
- 17:16What from your kind of knowledge, what kinds of supports do employers need to consider if they
- 17:22don't already have it in their EAP?
- 17:25It would be great for employers and I'm sure that for many big companies, would be great to
- 17:30have some sort of a person who is well versed in the world of divorce, frankly, who is on and
- 17:36maybe it's an attorney or some sort of financial person who is very well versed in
- 17:42divorce and who can understand when the document demands come in or what the steps to a
- 17:48divorce are going to be for your employee, when the subpoena comes in, when the deposition is
- 17:54going to occur, and to be able to organize all of this, because there could be very huge
- 17:59document demands made on an employer.
- 18:03And all of a sudden they feel that they are overwhelmed with their employees divorce.
- 18:08And they feel that's kind of an unfair burden on them.
- 18:11But if, and I'm going say this, the more organized your business is from the start, the
- 18:17more that this will be easy that you literally should be able to push a button and spit out
- 18:22the documents that are being called for by the attorneys or by the court.
- 18:28And again, I would say you need to organize your business from the get go to be able to do
- 18:34this so that it's not such a major undertaking that you feel so put upon when these subpoenas
- 18:42come in or these demands come in for discovery, because it's going to happen.
- 18:47Is going to happen.
- 18:49I also need to say as an employer, particularly one with maybe a smaller business, where maybe
- 18:56things don't run as smoothly, it's going to be really important to have good records.
- 19:01I think that's key for these businesses is record keeping really matters when it comes to
- 19:07your employees divorce.
- 19:10Interesting, hadn't thought about that.
- 19:12With a
- 19:13lot of bigger companies, they do have the supports, right?
- 19:15So they can automatically Let's say they're going through a volatile situation and the
- 19:20partners say, deal with some mental health so it's even that much more volatile.
- 19:24Somebody just said to me, We don't have to ever equalize.
- 19:27And then the employee's so distraught that they kind of think that, oh, I just got told this.
- 19:31They could just pick up the phone and be connected to someone immediately.
- 19:35But so that's like to your point, but smaller companies don't have that.
- 19:38So maybe somebody that they could kind of source out if they think it's gonna ultimately
- 19:42it's gonna affect productivity a bit.
- 19:45So if you can circumvent that, you're gonna help the employee and you're gonna hopefully
- 19:50that help the process along so you can get maybe that person that's maybe one of your best
- 19:55employees giving you 65% of that term presenteeism because they're going through such
- 20:00a high conflict kind of scenario.
- 20:02Now you talked a little bit about setting up a financial checklist for divorce.
- 20:06I'm just curious, tell us what that is.
- 20:08Not that I need it anymore, but back then, boy, could I have done that.
- 20:12What are some of the things on those checklists?
- 20:15So I think first and foremost, want to be able to trace any premarital or inheritances.
- 20:22So any premarital property or inheritances.
- 20:24That means making sure that you have kept in good order your bank statements, financial
- 20:30statements, closing documents.
- 20:33Perhaps you owned an apartment before marriage and you sold it and rolled the proceeds into
- 20:37another house or apartment.
- 20:39Perhaps you came in with restricted stock units, for example, and maybe they vested over
- 20:45time, but you had been granted them for a bonus, keeping the grant documents.
- 20:49Anything that proves or traces your separate property is really important.
- 20:54Retirement accounts, when you think about rolling them over, make sure you keep all the
- 20:59documents, right?
- 21:00Because that is typically what gets lost in the shuffle.
- 21:03And when you get those inheritances, making sure that you keep them separate and apart.
- 21:08So that is one checklist, right?
- 21:11Then the account statements, certainly you want to make sure that your account statements are
- 21:15in good order.
- 21:16And if you can save them to the degree that you can, that is wonderful because having them
- 21:21could be very useful.
- 21:22I can't tell you how many people say to me, Oh, I just shredded all the account statements.
- 21:25I'm like, Oh no.
- 21:26Because usually you can't go back more than seven years.
- 21:29And it's really important to be able to do that.
- 21:31So account statements, credit card statements, certainly for the last five years before
- 21:36divorce, that's very common.
- 21:38Any award letters, grant documents for RSUs stock options, that would be also helpful.
- 21:44Any financial documents, tax returns would be great copies of, as I said, the retirement
- 21:51account statements that you've got, particularly the ones that were premarital
- 21:55showing that they rolled over into the next account, showing what you had as of the date of
- 21:59marriage.
- 21:59And I'm going to say the big secret of course, to this and the big bow on the entire box is
- 22:04the prenuptial agreement if you have it.
- 22:07And if you don't, you should, would be the prenuptial agreement, right?
- 22:10Because that is the icing on the cake with the big bow.
- 22:13And then from there, everything could stem.
- 22:16But if you haven't done that prenuptial agreement, then you really need to make sure
- 22:21your statements are all in line.
- 22:23So I would say that is your financial checklist.
- 22:26And also keeping track every year of what the spend is helpful, making sure that it doesn't
- 22:33get out of control to the point where you are creating essentially a lifestyle that's not
- 22:38sustainable.
- 22:39I think that those are all really important.
- 22:42Now you said, I think one of your bullet points when I look at your one sheet, it says that we
- 22:47all should consider a prenob regardless of your age.
- 22:51Can you tell me a little bit more about that?
- 22:53Because I think it would be good for employees listening or also employers, right?
- 22:56Going forward, if people are putting the supports in place, that they be able to give
- 23:01people the right kind of direction.
- 23:02So tell us a little bit about that.
- 23:04You said regardless of age, why it's important.
- 23:07So I think it's regardless of age and it's also regardless of your financial situation, right?
- 23:11Because this is an opportunity to negotiate for yourself what the outcome could be in the event
- 23:18of a divorce.
- 23:19And it's the best time to do it before you get married, because that is supposedly when
- 23:25everybody is madly in love wants to be fair and as generous as they probably ever will want to
- 23:32be.
- 23:32You can't tell me that the person is going to be more generous on the day that they filing
- 23:36for divorce than they were on the day that they were getting married.
- 23:38It just doesn't make logical sense.
- 23:41And so I think that it is the time to protect your premarital property.
- 23:46It's also an opportunity if, for example, you are not the higher earning spouse to negotiate
- 23:53some sort of a, I'll call it a package for want of a better word.
- 23:58Package for yourself in the event of a divorce so that you are able to live the lifestyle that
- 24:04you lived.
- 24:05And if you are the working spouse to make sure that you are negotiating something that is
- 24:12fair, but is not something that you can't that's not sustainable so that if you end up in
- 24:16a divorce, you're not in a situation where you're really in the great unknown, which is a
- 24:23very high stressful to our earlier point, anxiety provoking feeling that I don't know how
- 24:29much support I'm going to pay.
- 24:30I don't know how the assets are going to be divided.
- 24:32I'm not sure how we're going to deal with the debt.
- 24:34What happened to all those student loans that I paid off during the marriage for the other
- 24:39person?
- 24:39Like all of those things, right?
- 24:41That people don't think of.
- 24:43And by the way, it also will cover if your spouse is deceased during your marriage.
- 24:49So you can figure out, well, is the property going to pass to me?
- 24:54Or is the property going to pass to other family members?
- 24:57How are my children going to be taken care of?
- 24:59All of these things are things that you could provide for in the prenuptial agreement.
- 25:03And so I think that for employers, encouraging your employees to sign prenuptial agreements is
- 25:13helpful to them and to your business.
- 25:16Because let me say, if they have a prenuptial agreement, there's likely much disruption that
- 25:21is avoided.
- 25:23If they have a prenuptial agreement, because so many things are taken care of and taken off the
- 25:29table that the divorce becomes much more simplified.
- 25:32I'm not saying it's simple, I said becomes more simplified, But the more that you can take off
- 25:37the table, the better.
- 25:38And so prenuptial agreements should, I think, be encouraged in the workplace.
- 25:43Well, that's interesting because I don't know that that's discussed much.
- 25:48But again, like you said, if it's going to simplify it, it's often it's money and
- 25:52children.
- 25:53Those are the two definitely things that seem to get people caught a lot.
- 25:57But if it's like to your point, a lot of people say, let's kind of bring that up front.
- 26:01But if we think about separation and divorce at about what they say around fifty-fifty 5%.
- 26:09And I think having employers could actually do a lot of things for their employees.
- 26:14They could have seminars on these issues.
- 26:16They could educate their employees on issues such as prenuptial agreements, postnuptial
- 26:21agreements, what this all looks like.
- 26:24This is not to say that anybody is encouraging divorce, it's quite the opposite.
- 26:28It's encouraging transparency and encouraging people to take stock of their financial lives
- 26:34so that we don't end up in that situation when there's going to be so much time taken from
- 26:38work.
- 26:39It's preventative care essentially.
- 26:42So talk a little
- 26:42bit about Pope snubs, because I don't know that many people know about them.
- 26:47I remember when I heard about them years ago, was like, what?
- 26:50I knew of prenups and then the connotations that go with prenups to your point.
- 26:54Well, if I love you, I don't need a prenup.
- 26:57To your point, it's just kind of coming up with a it's like a severance, right,
- 27:01or benefits for a particular You're position, negotiating from a good place.
- 27:05So what is a postnup?
- 27:07So a postnup is very similar to a prenup except it's done after the marriage.
- 27:12Okay, perhaps you had no time to sign a prenup.
- 27:15Perhaps you have now decided that life has changed quite a bit during your marriage and
- 27:19you would feel more safe and secure if there was a post up and things were actually spelled
- 27:24out in the event of a divorce.
- 27:26And they are not binding in every state.
- 27:28So you have to actually look to your state rules to figure out if a postnup is binding.
- 27:34In New York, postnups are binding contracts and so we do them many times.
- 27:40Lots of times couples come to us, they may actually have some issues in their marriage, or
- 27:44maybe they just actually just never got around to do a prenup and they just want to lay it
- 27:48out.
- 27:49Or perhaps they feel like there's an imbalance of some sort.
- 27:52Maybe one person is earning much more or one person is earning much less.
- 27:55Maybe somebody wants to take care of the children and stay at home.
- 27:59And they feel like they could be unfairly disadvantaged later because of that and being
- 28:05out of the workforce.
- 28:06There's various reasons that people actually want to have a postnuptial agreement.
- 28:10But the point is that in many states, New York definitely being one, you can have a
- 28:16postnuptial agreement designating how assets, liabilities are divided.
- 28:21And also which assets and liabilities will be separate, meaning yours.
- 28:26And then of course, what to do in terms of spousal support and what to do in terms of
- 28:32estate rights.
- 28:33Could also, because it's a postnuptial agreement, you may have had children.
- 28:37And if you have children and they are born, you can also contract for child support and for
- 28:42custody, although that could end up changing depending upon best interests of the child and
- 28:48various other issues.
- 28:50But the main thing is you can do it.
- 28:52Yeah, and here in Canada, I'm not sure that it's as we have it as much as you do, like you
- 28:58said, in the different states.
- 28:59But in New York, definitely, definitely so.
- 29:01And internationally, I'm not sure exactly how that works.
- 29:04But so let's talk a little bit about your organization that you started.
- 29:07And tell me a bit about that.
- 29:09Because we know that oftentimes when people go through a divorce, if it's there's definitely
- 29:15there's two people together and then separate.
- 29:17And sometimes it takes a while before people can financially get back on their feet.
- 29:21Oh no, it's going to be the same.
- 29:22It takes a while.
- 29:23So I want you to talk a little bit about the organization that you started and what it's all
- 29:27about and how it helps people financially.
- 29:30So I assume we're talking about Savvy Ladies and Savvy was started by a woman named Stacy
- 29:35Francis.
- 29:35Stacy actually was the founder of Savvy Ladies and she started it basically in memory of her
- 29:41grandmother who was financially abused.
- 29:44Although there were, I think sufficient finances, her grandmother actually, it was her
- 29:49grandmother.
- 29:50If I didn't say that I misspoke.
- 29:51But her grandmother actually did not have financial control of those finances.
- 29:55They were not actually something she could access.
- 29:58And as a result of that, when she was abused physically, she felt that she could not leave
- 30:04the marriage.
- 30:05And that ended very poorly, frankly.
- 30:08And as a result, Stacy started this entity, it's a non for profit savvy ladies.
- 30:14And one of our secret sauces, and I think it's our main secret sauce is that we pair women one
- 30:20on one with financial professionals.
- 30:22They either access our helpline through an app that NASDAQ helped us build, which is the savvy
- 30:29ladies app, which you can download on your phone.
- 30:32And then you are paired with a financial professional, or you can go to our website and
- 30:38actually then get paired with a financial professional as well.
- 30:41And they will answer financial questions for the woman.
- 30:44And it is an incredibly valuable resource for women.
- 30:48And they feel that and they have told us that they feel less stressed, less anxious, feel
- 30:53more in control of their finances as a result of having this access to financial
- 30:58professionals.
- 30:59I think we've helped to date 5,000 women on our helpline, which is an enormous amount of women,
- 31:04and we continue to strive to help more.
- 31:07That's fantastic.
- 31:09I think a lot of times with separations and divorces, at least the ones that I was aware of
- 31:14when we were dealing with, sometimes the female was the one that didn't do as well because
- 31:18we're still kind of there.
- 31:19Not all the case.
- 31:20Maybe in New York it's a bit different.
- 31:22I'm not sure.
- 31:22But there's the disparity between incomes and those types of things and then getting that
- 31:27financial advice.
- 31:28How important is that?
- 31:31Lisa, this has been amazing.
- 31:33If you have someone listening, right, and they're thinking, oh, I think I'm going to be
- 31:37there, unfortunately.
- 31:40I might be stepping into potentially going through a divorce.
- 31:44What are some of the things that they should maybe a couple of things that they should start
- 31:48to consider and put in place if they know that this might be coming?
- 31:53So I think the first thing is to find a trusted attorney, start to consult with attorneys and
- 31:59speak to them and understand what your rights are and also what to express through the
- 32:04process.
- 32:04And when you find one that you really feel will have your that's the one to obviously go with.
- 32:09It's a lot of gut.
- 32:10And there's a lot of very close relationships that are built in divorce between attorney and
- 32:15client, because it is such a personal matter that you're dealing with.
- 32:20Having a trusted therapist is also really, really important.
- 32:24And then to ensure that your attorney also will understand that when the issues of perhaps
- 32:31seeing a forensic accountant or valuing a business or figuring out the stock options and
- 32:35the restricted stock units or working with other professionals that they will understand
- 32:41that and be able to spot check those issues so that you feel protected.
- 32:46May need a tax attorney, you may need a trusted estate's attorney, all of those things.
- 32:50And then I would say, for people who could still consider a prenup or a postnuptial
- 32:55agreement, that is a wonderful way to go if you can still do that.
- 33:00And so it really prevents a lot of litigation, not all, but a lot of litigation down the road.
- 33:06Makes it a little, a little more seamless.
- 33:09Yes.
- 33:10So for Psychology Today, how often are you writing?
- 33:14And so if people wanted to kind of check it out?
- 33:17So they can Google Psychology Today in
- 33:19my name.
- 33:20And I would say probably once every six weeks or so I actually put in a new blog and they
- 33:27also can go to my website, lisaziderman.com and they are all up there as well.
- 33:33Fantastic.
- 33:34So what am I walking away with?
- 33:35Our mental well-being comes into question when we're going through things, right?
- 33:40Divorce, it's up to your point, it's very personal and we all impacted.
- 33:45It doesn't mean that some people might be able to just kind of steer their ship and get
- 33:49through things.
- 33:50But I think a lot of times we need the support to get the right support if you're going
- 33:53through that.
- 33:54As an employer, if you don't have those supports in place, think about the element of
- 33:59productivity and what you might be taking off the table if you don't support someone that's
- 34:04going through things.
- 34:05Lisa said, when you're requesting certain things, of course, you're going to be involved
- 34:09whether you would want to be or not.
- 34:11And know that with the right, being able to be transparent is important.
- 34:16The more that you share without sharing everything, because you don't need to share
- 34:20everything, that you might be able to get the right supports that you're needing.
- 34:23So everyone, so Lisa, where can people reach you if they're needing to get a hold of you or
- 34:28they need some support from you?
- 34:31So they can
- 34:32go to lisasiderman.com, which is my name, and right on there is a contact form which they can
- 34:37fill out and that will come to my email.
- 34:39They could email me directly, which is lzmzw law dot com or they can call at 914455100
- 34:50Fantastic.
- 34:51So everyone, thanks for hanging out with us again.
- 34:53I have some exciting news.
- 34:54I'm starting a course on my second book, Return on Relationships with life coaching.
- 34:59It's starting pretty soon into the spring.
- 35:02If you're interested, just pick up the phone and give me a call or send me an email at
- 35:06Roxanne@RoxanneDurgaug.com.
- 35:08Again, Lisa, thanks so much.
- 35:09And everyone, thanks a lot for hanging out with us again.
- 35:12Take care.
- 35:12Thanks so much.
- 35:13You too.
- 35:14Thanks for tuning in to Authentic Living with We'll see you next time on Authentic Living
- 35:34with Roxanne.