Latest / The Breakfast Club / Co Parenting Ain't For The Weak ( Jess Hilarious and Rome interview )

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Co Parenting Ain't For The Weak ( Jess Hilarious and Rome interview ) · The Breakfast Club

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I'm a homegirl that knows a little bit about everything
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: and everybody.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you don't lie about that.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Right, Hey, y'all, what's up. It's Laura Rosa and this
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: is the latest with Lauren Rosa. This is your daily
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: dig on all things pop culture, entertainment, news, and all
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: of the conversations that shake the room.
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: Baby.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: Now I am bringing you, guys, another conversation that definitely
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: shook the room. So Ess Hilarious, co host of The
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Breakfast Club, comedian, mother, and now author of All the Things,
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: sat down for a live Q and A with Me
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: hosted by Me with her son's dad, her son Ashton,
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  Speaker 1: who she co parents with his dad Jerome or Rome. Now,
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  Speaker 1: Jess Hilarious dropped her book Till Death Dewey Parent which
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  Speaker 1: is available everywhere you get your books. There's also an audiobook.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: I suggest the audiobook, I mean, unless you'd like to
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  Speaker 1: physically have the copies as well, because Jess is so
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: animated and she actually reads book. It was a great
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: listen and an easy listen. Her book is out available everywhere.
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  Speaker 1: She's recently hit you know, Amazon's Parenting and Families list.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: She's number one on that list. So then she made
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: number two on another Amazon list for like comedy advice
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  Speaker 1: books as well. The book is amazing, But this isn't
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: about my review. This episode is a real authentic live
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: conversation that we did via Instagram and now we're bringing
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: it here to the podcast because I think you guys
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  Speaker 1: need to hear it. Even if you're not a co parent.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: There is something that can be learned from jess in
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: Rome in their relationship, the ups, the downs, and you
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  Speaker 1: know everything in between, about communication, about empathy and love
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: for people, for your people, about family family unit, about
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: generational trauma, and about women and how we take on
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: so many things and what that manifest or become and
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: how that becomes tangible in our real day to day lives.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: So take a listen to this conversation.
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: God this book.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: I want to hear from you guys getting outside in
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: the streets and the tweets and tell me what you
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: guys think about the conversation. When I think about cole
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: parenting after reading your book, I think about the code
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: and kind of how it's like a company, like you know,
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: you have different people that play different roles and leadership
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: within the company have to be right for everything else
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: to flow and sync so that you can get to
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: the one common goal, which is to raise your sun
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  Speaker 1: ashen the best way that you guys can. So I
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: want to start from the beginning. I broke it up
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: into four different areas. So my first thing that I
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: want to touch on with you guys is the trauma.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: So throughout the book, there's a lot that you guys
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: go through, both separately and together. So I want to
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: talk about the things separately first because I think that
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: it plays into why you guys relationship was, you know,
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: as traumatic as it was probably for both of you guys,
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: even though we hear more just aside here. But like Jess,
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: I know, you know during a lot of this, you're young.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: You're very young. How old are you when the book
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: picks up with you telling Rome that you're pregnant.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: I was nineteen years old and we were in his
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: house and he was outside hooping, and I was I
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: was in the house pooping. That's the crazy stuff. I
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: was in a bathroom and then I just kept I
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: was nervous. I knew I had missed my period. I
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: was like, yo, I know I'm pregnant. I know I'm pregnant.
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: I know I'm pregnant, and I was scared to take
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: the test. Yeah, I was. I was afraid that me
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: telling him that I was pregnant will run him away
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: because we were young and we just didn't know what
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: we were doing. We were babies ourselves. And then I
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: was scared to tell my parents because they didn't even
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  Speaker 3: know that I had a boyfriend and that I was
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  Speaker 3: sneaking all the way on the other side of Baltimore
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  Speaker 3: City to see him. So yeah, that's where it started.
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  Speaker 1: I was nineteen and when you when you open with that,
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  Speaker 1: I thought that was like really like, I mean, it's
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  Speaker 1: the beginning of the story, but I thought that it
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: painted a different picture of you because us knowing just hilarious.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Now you're a very strong, bold, like you know, you
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: hold it together well, but we opened the book with
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: you completely falling apart because you're nineteen, you finit that
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  Speaker 1: you're pregnant. Do you remember how you felt like in
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: that moment, just like mentally, like is there like a nerve?
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  Speaker 1: You said you were nervous, but is there like a
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  Speaker 1: nervousness to the point where like you know, you can't
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  Speaker 1: even fathom what is to come next and your did
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  Speaker 1: you think in life was over?
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  Speaker 3: Like what is your life? I definitely knew it would
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  Speaker 3: slowed me down. I didn't even know what career I
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  Speaker 3: was going into. I didn't even know, That's what I'm saying.
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  Speaker 3: Like we were real babies, literally babies. I was still
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  Speaker 3: being raised by my parents. I'm nineteen, although I'm a
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  Speaker 3: year away from twenty. I didn't know what avenue I
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  Speaker 3: wanted to go and what industry I wanted to go.
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  Speaker 3: And with a career, all I knew was I wanted
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  Speaker 3: to model. I had to get out my mom's house,
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  Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying. I had, she wanted me
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  Speaker 3: to go to college, just certain things that I didn't
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  Speaker 3: have together yet. And then here goes the baby that
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: It's like, oh my gosh, and I got I gotta
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  Speaker 3: I gotta tell this nigga that I'm pregnant too, you
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  Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. So it was it was definitely
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  Speaker 3: like it was fear. It was fear. Yeah, it was nervous,
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  Speaker 3: but it was fear. Fear for everything, my life, my parents,
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  Speaker 3: my boyfriend. Like you know, I don't know how.
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  Speaker 1: Much of that fear do you think you held onto
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  Speaker 1: throughout the remainder of the relationship until y'all got to
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: the co parenting part. Because it started off what you
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: feeling like, everything's in shamboos, this may not work, I
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: don't know what I'm doing. How much of that did
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: you hold onto throughout the whole time or did you
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: ever let that go and be like not when you
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: got to the code not the good part. But when
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: I were going through things, was that in the back
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: of your mind? It was?
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: It definitely was in the back of my mind, and
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: honestly what made me feel better. It was like bitter sweet,
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: bitter sweet, because I'm scared when I found out I'm pregnant,
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: when I find out I'm pregnant, and then I'm scared
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: when I tell Rome. But Rome relieved me of a
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: lot of that pressure because I remember, I said, I
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: thought that he was gonna be like, oh shit, bye,
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: I'm gone, but he was happy. He was oh shit,
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  Speaker 3: were gonna have a baby? Like what are you crying for?
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  Speaker 3: What's going on? So that made me feel better for
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  Speaker 3: a minute until I remember, damn, I gotta tell my parents,
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: and then damn, if we have the baby, we gotta
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  Speaker 3: raise it. And where is it gonna we don't live together,
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: we don't have job, we don't have a house, We're
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: gonna be in separate homes. All of that was running
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  Speaker 3: through my mind because that's what happens, like you create
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  Speaker 3: scenarios in your head when you don't know what else
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  Speaker 3: to do, you know, And then so I have the
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  Speaker 3: baby and we start going through things, and so now
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  Speaker 3: that fear is back, because I'm like, damn, we can't
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  Speaker 3: be a family. We can't be a family, not even
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: thinking that, Yo, the life is Our life is not
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  Speaker 3: gonna be over. Your life is not over. We still
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  Speaker 3: have a baby to raise, and we have to come
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  Speaker 3: together and get past all this, even in our young
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  Speaker 3: minds trying to figure out like how we navigate this
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  Speaker 3: co parenting journey at such a young age with trauma
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  Speaker 3: on both sides more so wronged than I, but we
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  Speaker 3: were trying to figure it out. So Yeah, that fear left,
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: came back, left came back, and it finally and it
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  Speaker 3: finally totally subsided once he and I got past our
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  Speaker 3: feelings for each other, because then it was nothing else
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  Speaker 3: to be afraid of.
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  Speaker 1: Brom, I have a really honest, ask a question for
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  Speaker 1: you when I was reading that part of the book,
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: and the reason why I asked just that is because
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  Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, in the beginning, when Jess
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  Speaker 1: tells you she's pregnant, you're like very supportive and you
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  Speaker 1: know you're excited. But as you guys begin to go
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  Speaker 1: through things, I feel like you know exactly what to
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  Speaker 1: do and say every time to make her feel that
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  Speaker 1: support that she felt the very beginning, Like you know,
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  Speaker 1: like you know you had her there. How much of
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  Speaker 1: the situation when y'all were going back and forth about,
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  Speaker 1: you know, being good and not being good, how much
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  Speaker 1: of that in your mind was actual manipulation because you
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  Speaker 1: needed to feed your ego or you actually cared about
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  Speaker 1: being with your family.
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  Speaker 2: I'm gonna make this clear. I never had an ego.
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  Speaker 3: Oh what you got an ego right now? I'm sorry
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  Speaker 3: when you and.
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  Speaker 2: It was never an ego those things to lawn you.
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  Speaker 4: I had one honest answer for you, my dad. It
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  Speaker 4: was taught like I was so imagine like I said,
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  Speaker 4: I'm nineteen as well, but I was just so superb
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  Speaker 4: Like it was just so I was so.
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  Speaker 2: Superb at it, and.
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  Speaker 4: I just in mind, my dad never sat me down
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  Speaker 4: and said this and said that I just listened, and
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  Speaker 4: I was like, when I was fourteen, I probably was
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  Speaker 4: like seventeen. So when I'm nineteen, i'm probably mentally on
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: certain levels, I'm probably like twenty three. So like, I
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  Speaker 4: don't know, man, I just always knew what to say,
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  Speaker 4: even in school. I just I always was the one
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  Speaker 4: who got everybody out of trouble and all of that.
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  Speaker 3: But I did tell you, I did make mention a
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  Speaker 3: lot that he is very charming and that's how he
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  Speaker 3: got me to keep coming back. And although he said
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: the ego is not in him knowing what to say
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  Speaker 3: to get me back, he does have He's always had
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: an ego, a very big ego. But I do believe
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: that you did want to.
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  Speaker 4: Have family when telling when saying those things to you,
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  Speaker 4: wasn't an ego.
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  Speaker 2: It's just I knew what to say. And yes, of course,
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  Speaker 2: you know I always use.
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  Speaker 4: My charming yeah, and my nice teeth and smile and
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  Speaker 4: I will get my way.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, yep.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: Not. I'm the birthday, So you know what I'm saying,
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: somebody my nice smile.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: Somebody called me the birthday the other day.
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  Speaker 1: What that means, Oh, okay, it's a whole it's a
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: whole The birthday means like you is like, all.
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  Speaker 3: Right, that's why.
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: I got mad though, Like I really want to hang out,
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: you said, you see because it was a lot.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: Of people around. She's saying you the birthday, and I'm
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: like what.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Like, what the wh.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, okay, my follow up question for you, Ron,
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: But you said, you know you you you just listened
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: and that your dad ever said certain things. So you
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: just listened and you watched. Jess talks a lot about
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: for the later part of the book your relationship with
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: your dad, and I think once just realizes, like once
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: you guys, step out of your relationship, right, and we're
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: still talking about the trauma from the relationship, but once
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: you step out of it, I think Ess is then
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: able to clear really see some of the things that built,
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: you know, the hurt that was being put on to
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: her because your dad read this book.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: No, my dad ain't read it yet, but.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: No, okay, what was your dad like in candid conversations
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: when everything was happening with you and Jess, when the
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: baby shower moment happened, when the you know, what was
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: he saying to you like was there every time he
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: comes to you as a man and be like, no,
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: get together.
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: No, my dad was always more of a protector. Right,
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  Speaker 4: he provided when he can, but you know he linked
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: on my step mother a lot for that part. But like,
• 10:38
  Speaker 4: my dad was more of a protector. And I've had
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: and not crazy. But the beautiful thing about the moment
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: I'm explaining to you now is I honestly finally was
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: able to get me and my dad to sit on
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: and talk and asked him why were you like that?
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  Speaker 2: And his reason was.
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: Because of my dad. My dad only protected and provided.
• 11:06
  Speaker 4: Now we got into the other things as well. But
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: like I understand why my dad and my grandfather, which
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: is my mother father. Though I understand why those two men,
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: I understand more why those two men did the things
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: that they did and how they treated me. And to
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: understand that honestly.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: Made me love them and cherish them even more because
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: times back then was a little different than now.
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: Like you know now that I'm vulnerable to talk about
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: things and open up my feelings to my child mom
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: or whatever the case may be, or to you or
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: to the colleagues, my dad and my grandfather couldn't do that.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: So even when my mom died, I asked my father.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: I'm like, well, why didn't you just get me therapy?
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  Speaker 3: Dad?
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: He said, he said, well what he call me? My nickname?
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: He said, I didn't know. I didn't know any of that.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: So so it was just like a past.
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: It was he only he only knew to teach you
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: what he learned, and that wasn't really nude.
• 12:05
  Speaker 4: I got mad at him and I did say, you know,
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: my mouth is reckless at times. I got mad at
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: my father and I said, your father wasn't a father,
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: he was a provider.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: That's two different things.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what conversations are you, guys, Because on both sides,
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: when I hear Justice Book and I'm talking to you now, Rome,
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: I hear so much like trauma that's passed down and
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: not even trauma like even just decision making just ways.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: I yes, you've talked about watching your mom stay with
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: your dad through things, and all throughout this book you
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: are holding it down for the men that you love,
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, why why is she not choosing herself?
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: But it comes from you know, you watching your mom
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: roam a lot of things. I'm hearing you you watching
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: and listening to your dad, what things today and y'all
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: in y'all's co parents and relationship today, Are you guys
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: being very intentional about not passing on to your children
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: from yourselves.
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: Well, that's a that's a good question, and that's something
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: that Wrong is actually working on right now, you know,
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: trying not to PreCure. Oh well, I can't. I'm sorry,
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: I can't even answer for you. I'm so used to
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: like doing a goddamn interviews by myself. I'm sorry, But
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: I do see that he is, you know, learning to
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: cope with his traumas much better. And something that he
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: used to do was project his traumas onto his children
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: because he just wanted to be the father that his
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: father was not, because his grandfather wasn't a good father
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: to his father, you know. So he's tried I see
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: a lot of I see that in Wrong, He's trying
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: to break those generational curses and create new patterns so
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: his kids won't have to go through the things that
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: he went through. So I do see that. Would you
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: agree with that?
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: Or yeah, yeah, I will agree.
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: I think the biggest thing that I'm at right now
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: is trying to be more soft, softer with your kids,
• 13:54
  Speaker 4: with my children especially like not even just especially my boys,
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: but I got girls too, but especially with my oldest
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: because I put so much on him because he's the
• 14:03
  Speaker 4: oldest and he's my first.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: That's not a question, should be a statement.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Clarified for the audience may not know.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: They should know.
• 14:16
  Speaker 4: And I didn't name him a junior because I hated
• 14:18
  Speaker 4: my name growing up and I didn't want him to.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: Have to go through that. Who names a person Jerome?
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: But whatever, Oh my.
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: God, all the Jerome's out there, love you guys.
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: I'm sorry Jerome with okay, all the yes, yes, yeah, exactly.
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: I'm special.
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: I am special, and I'm in this. I'm in the
• 14:38
  Speaker 4: state and I was born in I'm special. But my
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: dad I'm just trying to be sorry for because my
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: son getting older now, and I feel like when you're
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: so so so strict and soul.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: Hard, they tend to hide ship.
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and my son is my child, like he actually
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: liked me.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: I hate it. He he got my ways and I'm
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: trying to break him out of that.
• 15:08
  Speaker 4: But I also want him to be able to talk
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: to me and come to me so that I can
• 15:12
  Speaker 4: give him what to do before it go wrong, if
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: that makes sense. Yeah, So I'm in that stage. I'm
• 15:20
  Speaker 4: in that stage. I want my kid, my kids to
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: be able to talk to me, and it's a little hard.
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: It's not hard, but it is a little hard because.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: I'm not their friend.
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: M hmm.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: They dad, and uh.
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: It is comfort, you know, I'm his you know, nurture,
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: have fun, we do all that.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: But I never wanted to be my kid friend.
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: But I also want my baby he growing up, and
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: I want my baby to be able to tell me
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: everything because.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: I couldn't do that with my dad, like he would
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: shut me down.
• 15:55
  Speaker 4: And maybe some of that came into me with not
• 15:59
  Speaker 4: letting my be able to talk to me and not
• 16:01
  Speaker 4: just saying no, but just it might be my energy,
• 16:04
  Speaker 4: or might be my face, or it might be my oral.
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: My son pick up on all that, Like I can
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: come in from work and he'd be I ain't even
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: gonna talk to ya, And he don't say it, but
• 16:13
  Speaker 4: he's ay, he's like his father. He I read my
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: son energy, and sometimes I don't like it because I'm like, yo,
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: why why why.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: Did I do that? Right?
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: So love that I'm just trying to be soft, that's it.
• 16:25
  Speaker 4: I ain't really got nothing else good.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: That's a I mean, that's a for a man to
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: know and be aware of that. I know Jess talks
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: about it in her book. So you've been working on
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: it for some time. To be at it and try
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: to consistently still work at that, that's a that's a
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: huge thing. That ain't nothing to you know, play down.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: We have some questions from the chat from.
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: The ok that would be great because I know you
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: got your goal.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: We got the goal.
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: It's okay.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: I'm here until the people come knocking at the door
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: and knock the cops.
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: I got to hear make up.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: So yeah, So questions from the chat, how we use
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: this book to show your son not how life can be,
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: but how it can become if this, if these things
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: happen him. But basically, if your son ends up in
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: a situation where he's having so co parent or just
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: work through things with a person he's in a relationship with,
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: trying to have a family with, how will you y'all
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: use this book to talk them through it?
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: The experience is is that's why we write. We wrote
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: so candidly about our experiences and it's some and then
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: I need for y'all understand a lot of things. A
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: lot of things didn't make the book. That's why Rome's
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: going to write part two from a father's perspective. But
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: the things that didn't make the book, even those things,
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: it's just stories and experiences that helped us get through it.
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: And I'm gonna keep saying it. It's being honest and communicating,
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: and when you're in your feelings about things, that's hard
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: to do because you're trying to you you're all the
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: it's a goal of getting a person back, you know
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: what I mean, And you're gonna do anything to get
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: that person back, especially if you want your family, you know,
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: and you haven't been honest or haven't been the best
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: person to be in a relationship with. So you're gonna
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: start lying to keep that person around. You're gonna start
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: telling that person what they want to hear to keep
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: that person around. And you may feel compelled to do that,
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: but no honesty will get you much more, much further.
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: And then another thing that it can teach our son
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: and y'all kids as well is having to understand how
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: people think. I had to understand how Rome looked at
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: certain situations and why he looked at them that way.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: Why he assessed certain issues that way. He's a very
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: He was very he was a very defensive person. Still
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: now sometimes when it comes to the topic of his
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: mom and his kids, he's very defensive, and I understand that.
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: But he was like that with everything at one point,
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: and it was like kind of hard to talk to
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: him because he couldn't express himself in certain ways either,
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: and either neither could I because now I'm it's like
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: a battle of energy. So once you take feelings out
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: of it and you understand how to give grace and
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: understand how a person thinks, y'all would be but it's
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: nothing that nobody can tell y'all. It's nothing, because that's
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: understanding and grace on a different level.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Another question from the chat is what is one chapter
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: that people are not ready.
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: For Chapter seven? Rome is not even ready for that.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: I didn't I it's talking about a.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: Bit with chapter seven, like just don't give it off,
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: but just a little synopsis.
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: Okay, So basically in the book I talk about a
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: period and Rome. Rome didn't know this, so okay, but
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: there was a time where, I mean a period of
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: time where I had to move to La because I
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: was shooting the Fox sitcom roul.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, that chapter is good, go ahead.
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: Yes and yeah, oh you are ready? Oh right yeah,
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: because you didn't tell me you finished it. You stopped
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: at one point. Okay, well okay, So then I went.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: Let's go ahead, finish, come in because I have never
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: been anything.
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: All right, wait, I'm gonna tell you and then you
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: can say whatever. Okay. So I moved to La. I
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: was shooting the Fox sitcom route and I had I
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: was dating somebody, had a boyfriend at that time. He
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: was living in the condo out of LA with me,
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: and Ash was there as well, and we had fourteen
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: to eighteen hour days on set, you know what I mean.
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: So I couldn't take Ash all the time. I'm asking
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: him like, hey, I need you to keep Ash on
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: this day, on these days, I need you to help
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: me out. I go to work one day, I come home.
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: My son is in the house by himself, and he
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: had told me that he had been left in there
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: for about five or six hours. You get what I'm saying.
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: Because my ex boyfriend was a fucking gambler and he
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: would do anything to get to the casino. He would
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: do anything to get money, to win or to lose
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: whatever his whatever. The verdict on the casino was that day,
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: he would do anything to get you know what it
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: is to be and you know what it's like. You know,
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: we just offset get shot. And he was right back
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: in a canseido or the next day. So you know
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: how addictive it is and how addicting it is, you know.
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: And he left my son in the house for five
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: or six hours. I come home. Now when Ash told me,
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: I was like, okay, you're going back to work with me.
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: Obviously that could have like fucked everything up on set,
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: but they were understanding. They knew that I was out
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: there and I had my son out there.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: And how old was Ash at this time?
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: Oh my god. Ash may have been like five or six, Yes,
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: he was six. And he was still in the same
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: because he was dirty. He was still in the same
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: clothes from the night before when I left him, and
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: he was like, I'm hungry. So I'm like, not only
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: did you leave my son in the house, you didn't
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: feed him, you didn't take him. I mean, you didn't
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: tell him get in a shower because he could bathe
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: his self by the in but you didn't you know,
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: you didn't even try to tell him put on any clothes.
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: You didn't take him outside the house with you. He
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: had the balcony door open, flies in the house because
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: he was probably cold because I kept the air up high,
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: and you know what I mean. So I was just
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: I felt as a mom, I dropped the ball because
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: this is the nigga that I committed myself to, you
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: know what I'm saying, trying to get over another guy.
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: He was a rebound that I stayed with too long,
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: and I was dating selfishly. That was in my that
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: was my period. I was dating guys for me, not
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: for he wasn't even for me, but just going off
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: of what made me feel good, what made me you
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: know what I mean, not even for my son. And
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: that is the part that I talk about in the
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: book as well. Yo, you got to pick somebody that
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: is not only good for you, that's good for your kid.
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: That niggag you hand no kids and you want none.
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: And he didn't even care to.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: She broke my heart when I read when I was
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: listening to that point, because I know how you are
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: about your baby, and roma I can't imagine when you
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: read it.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I ain't. Before I read it, I red knew it.
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: But I'm gonna tell you how strict my program is.
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: I don't allow my son to come to me and
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: tell me what his mother did vice versa blet. Somebody's
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: physically harming you, physically harming you. So even reading a book,
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: I've seen it. I felt worry about it, but I
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: renew it because I asked my son certain things. I
• 22:53
  Speaker 4: don't ask them everything, but I ask them certain things
• 22:55
  Speaker 4: like and I don't ask them like, oh, bro, tell
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: me what the now?
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: How was it? What? Over case me?
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: My baby is very vocal when you can get it
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: out of him, but that ain't do nothing. But just
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: when he told me, I couldn't be mad at his mom.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: Tell you why.
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: Sometimes as parents, we gotta go to work. Yeah, and
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: you expecting on trusting the school.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: The daycare, the home babysit or aunt, the uncle whoever
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: to take care of your child right, and he failed
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: at that.
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: So that would be one of the ones where my
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: son ever got to be around you again. If my
• 23:38
  Speaker 4: son was to see you, especially when I'm right there,
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: don't speak to him. And my son is that kid
• 23:44
  Speaker 4: of mine, he's his father's child, But it was more
• 23:46
  Speaker 4: so like, nah, I didn't get mad at the mom
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: she ain't know. It was like she was laying right
• 23:51
  Speaker 4: there like, oh, yeah, that's fine, you know. And I
• 23:54
  Speaker 4: actually just seen a clip. I think it was fake.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: I don't know everything, so you can't believe nothing.
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: And the nigga come sorry, the young man come in
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: the house and his girlfriend in a bed eating popeyees,
• 24:06
  Speaker 4: but the son is laying.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: Next to her.
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: He like, well, hey, when you eating pop pe'es? When
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: my son eat, he like, he ate rice? And she
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: say he like, y'all left all at one o'clock. I
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: got off at ten. She said, yeah, you fed rice.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: Mm.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: But then they make me like cause the little boy
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: just so happy. Yeah, but it's like that type of shit.
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: Even me looking at it, I'm like, uncle, doone violence.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: I have knocked the whole head off right right.
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: And see, when I wrote that part in the book,
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: I was I was afraid to tell you even in
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: that moment. And even that's why you didn't know, you
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: know what I mean. I wouldn't have taken it to
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: my grave, but I certainly would have if I didn't
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: write it in a book. I don't know how long
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: it would have taken me to tell you, But I
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: didn't because you've always helped me high up in regards
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: to being a mom. You've always put me on a pedestal.
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: You've always given me my flowers when it comes to
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: you know, my parental guidance and and my parental skills
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: and how I raise your son, you know. And I
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: just didn't want that on my reputation from you, because child,
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: somebody do something to put your kids in jeopardy, you
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: go crazy. So I was very afraid to tell you.
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: My stupid Yeah, so like that type of shit, I
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: ain't crashing out about. It's more so on you leave them,
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: not even then, I wouldn't crash out about that type
• 25:27
  Speaker 4: of situation because if you leave them or men you
• 25:29
  Speaker 4: cut off, you're done. Yeah, that's it, because I know
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: how I move. These women don't play with my kids.
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: If you're around my child, you have to treat them
• 25:37
  Speaker 4: like they're yours. If you don't, you're done. And I
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: can't even go back and say that's happened. Every woman
• 25:46
  Speaker 4: that's been around my kid, they love my son, that's right.
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: And the thing about him is he got away with it.
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: And I don't like it.
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: But it's like, all right, son, I understand, Yeah, yeah,
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: I ain't funny like yo, I appreciate it.
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 26:04
  Speaker 4: I don't fault you because at the end of the day,
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: like went to work, Yeah, what's that twenty summer hours
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: away from me. I couldn't get him.
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: You know, and I picked him up and took him
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: back to work. Yep, and it never it didn't happen again,
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: and from then on I had I tried.
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: To get That's still not a response even at that moment.
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: You know, we're talking about our past, but it's still
• 26:27
  Speaker 4: not on you because at the end of the day
• 26:29
  Speaker 4: was going to work. That shit could have happened in school,
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: That shit could have happened in daycare. It could have
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: happened anywhere. So I don't even want you to beat
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: yourself up about it. I wish you honestly would have
• 26:38
  Speaker 4: told me then so we could have even just talked
• 26:40
  Speaker 4: about it.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: But I'm not.
• 26:42
  Speaker 4: I'm not because, like I said, I didn't left him
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: in situation, not situations, but environment where wasn't too fond
• 26:49
  Speaker 4: of my cleaning. But I had to go class and
• 26:53
  Speaker 4: make some money. So but no, mante but you gotta
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: understand too, that didynamic for whoever in a check.
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: O.
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: Parenting ain't easy, man, it ain't.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: I'm listening to you guys.
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: Parenting ain't easy at all. It's it's I'm gonna say this.
• 27:12
  Speaker 4: It's what you make it.
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's that's the whole.
• 27:15
  Speaker 4: The hardest part about it is that child growing up
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: and going through their different stages, because now you got
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: to relearn your child. Now you got to adjust to
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: your child because we already adults like ash right now
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: he's a teenage Yeah, he's fourteen and boy, so you
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: gotta he's a boy, so you gotta maneuver, right, you
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: got now you got now ashen Oh, about to go
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: to high school. Got a girlfriend. Yeah, then he's talking
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: to other women, you know, and he and guess what,
• 27:45
  Speaker 4: listen watch this, and his with you don't tell me,
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: they tell me. He tell my girl that, and he's
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: with dad step in. I don't want to break him.
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: I don't want to break his I don't want to
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: break him in my girl bond. So it's a lot
• 27:56
  Speaker 4: of shit. I don't say that, she said too, because
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: I want him to tell how everything if he wants
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: to fall. But but these is conversations where I just
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: know how to lead the conversation into him telling me, well,
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: one thing, I say, Bro, you're a kid. You can
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: deal with any woman you want. But everything else is irrelevant,
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: especially when that great point average dropped.
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm gonna have to talk. That's because that's me.
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: You have to tell him he can't cheat on nobody.
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: Well, how he put it, how he put it to
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: Maria and Grandma is two different ways. So I don't
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: know he.
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: Told his grandmother day cheating on a girl. Don't know what.
• 28:35
  Speaker 4: He telling Maria. She's not his girlfriend, she's just his
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: main one. So that conversation is going to be had.
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: All right, look like we need later. It's all good.
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: I don't condone him doing that. And I'm so serious.
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: I'm so I think.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: I think, as dad who's been through it and been
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: in it, it'll get you where you y'all have that conversation.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: I think you you know your child best into how
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: to navigate it.
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: Jess.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: I understand as a mom and as a woman. Right
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: you Instantly you're like, Nope, sit down, you can't do this,
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: you can't do that. But I do think as you're
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: watching young men grow into men. I think it takes
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: a little bit more of like a nuance, like let's
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: let's go through this experience and I can like write
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: from wrong you So you know y'all figured that out
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: in between the two of y'all. But you can see
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: y'all dynamic right now. It's like I can almost see
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: like how your conversation will go with Ash about that
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: versus Roome's conversation. And it's beautiful to see that he
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: will have both because a lot of people don't have that,
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: and I think you're seeing that in real time.
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, he never did.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: Okay, but guess what wrong is wrong? And he gonna
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: cut it out. I love it.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: I love that. So thank you. Yup, you can be
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: the one to teach you that. No problem. I ain't
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: gonna say nothing negative until later on.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: Well, I know we have to wrap the live, but
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: I want to make sure, jes you tell people where
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: they can get the book what you have happened in today.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: The rest of this read wrong. Thanks for joining us.
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: This is the first interview that room has been in.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I got the exclusive.
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but the book is out now, guys, you can
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: get it online. It's and bookstores, but you can get
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: it online if you go to my website jesselarisoficial dot
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: com or Barnes and Nobles, Simon and Schuster, anyway you
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: get your books Amazon, Amazon, Walmart, Target, It's in stores.
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: I'm excited. I couldn't be more happier. Thank you Lauren
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: for doing this, baby girl. I love you so much.
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: But moderating it just coming to my aid all the
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: time when I need something. I appreciate you.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: And you talked them about the audiobook.
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: Oh yes, Oh, and I did the audiobook as well.
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: We got paperback, hardcover and a digital CD. And we
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: also have the audiobook in case you want to hear it.
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: If you're always on to move and you don't have
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: time to sit down and read, or if you can't read,
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: you can listen, guys, And I can read and I
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: can write. That's why I wrote the book. I need
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: y'all to understand it. I just can't read grow fasts,
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: but I'm reading this book and it is amazing. All right,
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: all right, thank you so much, Lauren.
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: He