Latest / The Life-First Solopreneur / 84. How to Conquer Self-Doubt and Manifest Business Success with Alicia Berberich
Transcript
- Alicia Berberich (00:00): Courage doesn't mean that you don't feel the fear. You still feel the fear, you still feel the things, but it's moving forward with it anyway, and that really makes a big difference. Intro (00:13): Welcome to the One Person Business podcast, the show for solopreneurs, consultants and contractors who are ready to take charge of their business and reclaim their freedom. Join us as we bring you inspiring stories, invaluable insights and practical strategies from successful solopreneurs and industry experts, empowering you to create a thriving business that aligns with your unique goals and allows you to live life on your own terms. Here are your hosts, Joe Rando and Carly Ries. Carly Ries (00:43): Welcome to the One-Person Business podcast. I'm one of your hosts, Carly Ries. Joe Rando (00:47): And I'm Joe Rando. Carly Ries (00:48): I am so excited for today's conversation because I feel like we're talking about something that so many people have a problem with when they're running their own business. It's just that little voice in their head that tells them they can't do something or what a lot of people refer to as imposter syndrome. I know that I'm a victim to that. That little voice when you don't have that team of cheerleaders that you're used to having when you're in a bigger company, it can really get to you and it can really prevent you from reaching your full potential, which is why I'm so excited to have Alicia Berberich on today. She helps you overcome that negative voice in your head so that you can live your best life, and she dedicates her life to doing that. I just cannot wait to dive in. Alicia, we're so excited to have you. Welcome to the show. Alicia Berberich (01:32): Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. Carly Ries (01:35): Forgive me for jumping right into it. I'm just so intrigued by this topic because I know I have suffered from it personally, so extensively as a one-person business owner, but why is imposter syndrome so prevalent? Where does that negative voice in our heads even come from? Alicia Berberich (01:53): The negative voice in your head comes from when you're very young and people are trying to protect you, and you hear someone say something like, don't walk across the street. I mean, that's really good advice for a five-year-old or a four-year-old. So then they think, oh, okay, don't walk across the street. Then they see other people walking across the street and they say, oh, they're walking across the street. Why can't I walk across the street? And then they think, oh, I'm not good enough to cross the street, but they're good enough to cross the street. It becomes refined down even more to, oh, I'm not good enough. And then it becomes generalized. I'm not good enough, not even about crossing the street, but all sorts of other things. And it gets spread over different things. It's just messages that we've internalized when we were young, and that takes over in our heads. Joe Rando (02:43): Do you find that a lot of people experience others doing this on purpose to them to keep you down? It seems to me that that's a thing that I experienced in my life when I was younger. People trying to get above you, pecking order kinds of things in middle school and high school and that kind of thing. Alicia Berberich (03:03): Joe, are you trying to tell me that you were bullied? Joe Rando (03:07): I was actually, I actually wanted to learn stuff in school and that wasn't a popular position. Alicia Berberich (03:15): Yeah. It's really hard because people who feel inadequate express themselves by trying to put other people down when they're really trying to overcome their own negative self image. So they do that by putting other people down. And that's really hard. I think the thing that's really important is now as adults, when we start hearing this negative voice in our head, is learning how to get control over that. I have two different things. One thing is something that I learned from Marie Forleo. She said, when we're so focused on what's happening inside of us, we're focusing the flashlight on the inside of us. If we just turn the flashlight around and focus on outside and how we can be of service to others, we can overcome that. But also when you're on your own and that negative voice in your head is really taking over, trying to learn that that is just that voice in your head, it's separate from you. (04:14): It's not who you are. It's a message that you've taken over in your head. Like they say, your mind is a part of you. It's not who you are, it's your mind that's talking to you. So creating that separation is really important. Then realizing that that was originally there to try to take care of you, and it's defending you, but it's defending an old image of you. Acknowledging the voice is one, separating from the voice. Having awareness and then acknowledging it. Oh, I know you're there. I know you're just trying to help me in terms of appreciating it, but turning it down. Because now as adults, we can make different decisions and we can think about things differently. So separating yourself from that voice in your head. Then taking the action, turning the flashlight the other way, taking action and stepping into courage really helps change the whole dialogue that's going inside your head. I just like to say courage doesn't mean that you don't feel the fear. You still feel the fear, you still feel the things, but it's moving forward with it anyway. And that really makes a big difference. It builds your self confidence. When you do hard things, it builds your self confidence so you feel better. Joe, did that answer your question? Joe Rando (05:35): It surely did. It kind of ties right back to my life experience. I hated public speaking and had to give a speech at one point or talk in front of a bunch of executives and one guy ripped me apart for three hours. After that nothing was ever hard again, I can get up and do an impromptu. I actually won a moth story slam without even having a prepared story. And this is the person that used to be afraid of public speaking even when I was prepared. But having that horrible experience was like, nothing will ever be worse. So I've got this. Carly Ries (06:11): This may be a naive question, but just something that I've perceived, and maybe it's a front, I don't know, but imposter syndrome seems to affect women more than men from what I've seen. Again, it could be a front, and like we've said, Joe, you have it. I'm not saying men can't have it, but is that accurate? And if so, why would that be the case? Alicia Berberich (06:32): Iit does impact women more, and at 75% of the women in studies have claimed to be dealing with imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome really started out as the imposter phenomenon that was talked about in some psychology research from late 1970s. When you think about it, women at that time were just beginning to reach positions of authority. We were homemakers before that, or we could have jobs like teaching or nursing or something along those lines. And as we started getting more positions of authority when we're growing up and we look at other people who are in positions of authority, it was usually men. When you think about grammar school and you would have someone running for public office, it was the boys who would have the public offices and we're used to seeing boys or men in those positions of authority. When you're a woman and you suddenly are getting these positions of authority and are recognized, then you're feeling, well, why me? (07:34): Why me? You get that feeling of not being good enough. I think also men have been more in competitive sports. Title IX came out in 1979 and before that, women weren't playing in competitive sports like that recognized in college as much. So when men are playing in sports, they're used to really fighting it to win with their competition, then they can be best friends afterwards and play together, do whatever they're going to do together. They don't harbor that resentment. It's something that's on the playing field, but then it's not in real life. But women never learned that skill of competing and then still being together. I think by being in these positions of authority, they've had to compete against other people along the way, and then they don't have any network of support system there to help them once they get into that position of authority. (08:28): I think for women, it's been fighting that lone battle. When they finally get there and are recognized, then they feel like, well, I'm not good enough. They don't have any way to build the confidence side of it. So I think if women can harness the power of being able to work together and helping each other and supporting them when they get to that position. Really I think the biggest thing is the feeling of shame. Once you can talk about it and have a support network where you can say, I feel like I'm not good enough, then you're letting the boogie guy out of the closet, the thing that's haunting you in your head. Once you can talk about it and shed some light on it, it sort of dissipates. But we haven't really reached the point where we can talk about it so much because we don't want to admit to anyone that we're feeling this sense of inadequacy, this sense that I'm not good enough. Just being able to talk about it and addressing it really helps move things forward. Carly Ries (09:30): I love that. I'm so glad you started talking about solutions to combating it. I think we can all agree at this point, imposter syndrome is something that everybody, or not everybody, but many people experience here'. You are not alone. Can we dive into some of those other concrete ways that solopreneurs can combat imposter syndrome? Alicia Berberich (09:50): The one way that I mentioned is just being able to talk about it and have other people that you can talk to who can say, "how can you even be feeling imposter syndrome? Look at all of the things that you've accomplished" and realizing that. Also keeping a file of things where you've have done really well and where you've succeeded. I think mostly, the reason why you're feeling it is you're inside your head and it's grinding away inside your head. Again, the Marie Forleo system of turning the flashlight away from you and onto others and that you're doing things in service of others and working to help build a bigger community, looking outside really helps take the focus away from what's going on inside your head. Turning that down and moving forward with courage. Stepping into action is really helpful. Carly Ries (10:43): I love that advice. The next question I had is something we've never actually talked about on any of our podcasts. Sometimes we repeat topics just with different takes and everything, but you are big on manifestation, and I'm curious for those people that don't know, what is that exactly and how can it tie into this whole topic of that tiny voice in your head? Alicia Berberich (11:09): The tiny voice in your head is a really big part of manifesting. Manifesting sounds so woowoo, and I'm the least woowoo person you would ever meet, I'm pretty sure. But manifesting is just aligning your energy with the energy of the universe so that you're working in sync. How it started is I've been teaching workshops for a long time on goal setting and how to achieve your goals. You read all the statistics and I've noticed that people set their goals for the new year. By February, they've forgotten what they're about. So I was trying to think, how can I get my people to stay on track with their goals and follow through with it? And then this whole thing about manifesting came up, and once you've got your goal set, it's just a way to keep it on track and follow through with it. (12:04): It's just a system that you do that keeps your energy aligned with what it is you desire. For instance, if you have a small business and you're trying to get clients, and your goal is to have 10 clients by the end of the year, having a process where you can embody the feeling of having those clients. So you're thinking about, oh, when I have these 10 clients, this is how I'm going to feel. Bringing that feeling into your body really helps you to be in the energy of having it, because if you're in the energy of negativity and "oh, I don't have any clients and I want clients", then you're thinking about all the negative things, and that's creating a wall, a different kind of energy. You want to have the energy of what you want to achieve as opposed to the energy of what you don't have. (12:57): So focusing on what you want and staying in positive energy on that to bring it in. Then when you're meeting with prospects and they have this sense of you need them and want them, like if you ever talked to someone who's in financial services and they really want to sell you this stock and they're really pushing it at you. You can just feel their desperation and energy. It pushes you away from them. Instead, if you're making an offer where your're open and saying, this is available for you and it's exciting, they come to you with a different energy. So thinking about this energy management is really important, and that's really what manifesting is about. The energy, using your energy in a positive way. For example, I always talk about being of service to other people, because for me, that's so important. This is something that I have that I'm offering you that can really help you to move forward, and this is how we do it. Carly Ries (13:54): So what exactly does it look like? You kind of talked about your process and feeling that energy, but for newbies, what does that mean? Getting up in the morning and before you start your day, meditating and thinking through? Where can people start if they want to start embodying this energy? Alicia Berberich (14:11): Okay. I have a real process that I take people through that's pretty concrete. The way you start out is having this clear vision of what it is you want, the goal that you're trying to manifest. Really having a clear vision and really feeling that in your body, how you want to be when it is. So harnessing the power of your vision. I use an acronym for manifesting, that's destiny. So it starts with your desire. What is your desire or your destination? What you want to achieve. Then using the energy that's available, bringing the energy into your body, just breathing it in, which usually should feel really great for you because if you're desiring having 10 clients and then you're breathing in having the 10 clients, that's really great. Then the S part is the saboteur. (15:02): That's where that negative voice in your head comes in. That's really what keeps you from achieving the desires you want. You have these saboteurs, and it could be the internal one, which is the negative voice in your head, which is what I really work hard on getting people to overcome. But there's also external saboteurs, like your environment. If your environment is cluttered and there's a lot of stuff going on, you can't really have the clarity to see what you want. So your environment, or it could be friends and family. They're used to seeing you one way, and that might not be the way you want to be seen when you're trying to manifest. I'm sure you've heard many people come on and say, you're the sum of the five people you hang around with. Well, that's because you're taking on their energy. If you want to shift and become something different, you need to change your energy and bring your energy into something that you are trying to manifest. (15:59): So hanging around people who are also trying to do bigger things and step into their higher selves. Aligning your energy with the right kind of energy. That's the saboteur part. Then the T of the destiny stands for giving thanks and being in gratitude for what you have. The more you can feel grateful for what you have and even the things that you don't have. I'm so grateful that I have these 10 clients because they're enabling me to be of service to them. Gratitude statements I think are really important. I look at it as a two-pronged system. It's like using the present tense for your gratitude statement, whatever you're trying to manifest, using that in present tense, you've already achieved it. For instance, for the 10 clients, for example, I am so grateful that I have these 10 clients because that's the second part, why are you grateful? (16:54): Why is that important to you? Because, now I'm able to really thrive and my business can grow and I can be of service to more people in the world, looking at it in a bigger way. So that's the thanks part. Then the really important part that they didn't talk about so much. People learned originally a lot about manifesting from the movie The Secret. But one thing that The Secret didn't reveal, which is the real secret, is that the important part is to take inspired actions. So when you have a goal, it's not just about thinking about it, you need to think about it, and you have to be harnessing the energy of that, but you have to take inspired actions to that steps. So the more you take inspired actions and move forward, the more of what you're going to manifest is to come into fruition. (17:41): You can't just sit here and dream about having these 10 great clients that are going to make your business, it's about taking inspired action to get the 10 clients. Where are the 10 clients hanging out? That's where you need to be. Whatever your goal is, taking the inspired actions and then really navigating the path, because the biggest thing that's keeping you from achieving the goals that you really want, are lesser goals that come along that are easier to achieve, that distract you. They talk about it as the bright, shiny light syndrome, these things that are distracting you. Well, if you really want something big, you need to stay focused on that and not get distracted by these other things. One of the worst things are taking online classes and programs like, oh, I need to learn that. Well, do you need to learn that? (18:29): Or do you need to be doing something that's going to take you closer to having conversations with people and really meeting with your clients? Really navigating the path. The last thing is looking for your cues along the way. What are some signs and signals that you're on the path, when people are receptive to your conversations. When you have these meetings that are synchronicity, at things that are happening. You're thinking about someone and then you run into them, you're like, oh, that's kind of a sign that the universe is aligning things in your path. Paying attention to those. That's the Destiny acronym, and that's what we use in manifesting. Focusing on your desired destiny, focusing on your energy, watching out for the saboteur so they don't interfere with you. Using daily gratitude statements to stay on track, taking your inspired actions, not getting distracted by other things along the way and watching for your cues. Carly Ries (19:25): I hope this isn't too personal of a question, but I am assuming you practice what you preach in this sense. Would you be able to share the biggest thing you've ever been able to manifest when it comes to your business or life, whatever you want to share? Alicia Berberich (19:38): I've manifested some really big things I think in my life. One of the ones that I had originally done, which was business related, is I lived in San Francisco. I was in the financial services industry many years ago so I was spent a lot of time networking to meet people. I thought that San Francisco didn't have a big women's networking group. We just had like the accountants and the financial services. They had all these different groups, and my vision was that we should have this really big women's networking group where all the little groups could come and meet new people and really grow from each other, and we could have a speaker. I just had this great vision of what I really wanted to have happen, and I thought, oh, it should come through the Chamber of Commerce because that would be the perfect place to have this women's networking group. (20:31): I really thought about it, and then I went and talked to the Chamber about it and they thought, why would women want to do that? They thought nothing about it. Many other cities had their women's group, but San Francisco for some reason was a little slow. Bit I just kept harboring at them that we really need to have this group. I went around to all the different groups and talked to them about it, and they thought it was a really great idea. I spent nine months really focusing and talking to them about it, and I finally got them to say, "okay, well alright, you can have a women's networking group and you can have this little room that held 50 people". I'm like, "no, you don't understand. This is a big thing. I want this big space." So we finally were able to have it at the Sheraton Palace Hotel in San Francisco. (21:17): On our first event, we had 250 women that came and all of these different groups that set up tables. It was a huge success. It ended up being the biggest group in the San Francisco Chamber of Commerce at the time. It was exactly what I had and dreamed and envisioned about and took all the inspired action for. I didn't let their ideas of having it be in some small room detract me from what I thought the real vision was. And it really came to fruition. So that was my biggest thing that I manifested on at a work level. On a personal level, I really had dreamed of my family moving to Paris and live in Paris for two years. I spent a year really focusing on working on that and taking my inspired action and doing everything I needed to do and not listening to the saboteur in my head saying, "why would you go and move to Paris? What's the point?" Well, the point was, it would be kind of a fun adventure with my kids. Moving to Paris and living there for two years. And it was really an awesome experience. Carly Ries (22:23): That sounds so amazing. It's funny. I feel like manifestation is such a buzzword these days. It's not mainstream, but it's more at the forefront than it used to be. But just hearing the concrete steps to do it. Earlier you said, "I'm not woowoo or anything". That didn't make it seem woowoo at all. It's very practical and something that everybody should be applying to your business. For the people who for whatever reason, aren't sold yet on it, which I don't understand why they want to be, what are some common misconceptions you hear about it that you can kind of debunk right now just to get those straggler over the edge? Alicia Berberich (23:01): The common misperception is like it's a woowoo thing and it's not for everybody, manifesting. It's funny that it has this kind of a witchy connotation, but it basically just taking what you really desire and focusing on the steps that you need to accomplish that goal, but keeping it on the forefront of your mind. When you're working on your goals, you need to review them every day. Well, that might be something that you're already doing and that's part of the step of the process. I think that the part that seems to be the most woo woo is the aligning of your energy. It's just when you have a positive energy and you're going forward for what you want to achieve, it's a lot easier than having to deal with this negative energy. It's just getting rid of that negative energy who needs that and focusing on the positive. (23:57): It's not just Pollyanna positive things. The truth is, we all manifest all the time on a subconscious level. You're thinking about things and it happens. You think about a friend and then you run into her. We manifest all the time on a subconscious level. What I'm trying to do do is get people to take it from this subconscious level onto the conscious level. So you're bringing about the things that you want in your life, making it really happen and directed so you're not leaving it to chance. You're using the power and energy on a conscious level. Joe Rando (24:34): I just want to say that, not that I'm a huge fan, but I took a course for Tony Robbins and he's one of the least woo woo people you'd ever want to meet. I would think. He doesn't come off as new age in any way, shape or form, and it's not a far cry from what he recommends. He says, to get up every morning and kind of pump yourself up and give yourself affirmations and talk about the goals you're going to achieve and what you're going to do that day and what you're going to do in the future. So, it's just about getting your brain pointed in the right direction. Alicia Berberich (25:12): Right. I think the hardest part for people is dealing with the saboteurs that are coming in. Recognizing the limiting beliefs, recognizing the people in their environment that are negative and bringing them down, recognizing how their environment is working against them. I think in that part, working with a coach on this, it really helps them because a coach can really point out the things that are working against you. Carly Ries (25:39): Well, for what it's worth, earlier this year, a friend of mine had recommended this to me as well. I put eight things on my home screen on my phone that I really, really wanted. My phone's attached to me twenty four seven. So I wanted something that's going to be in front of me all the time, something that could reaffirm what I want to achieve. My phone is here right now and I was just looking at it. Since I put this on my phone, I have accomplished five of the eight things on here. Joe Rando (26:11): When did you put her on your phone? Carly Ries (26:16): Probably April. Joe Rando (26:19): Cool. Carly Ries (26:19): Yeah. Just from little things like making sure my pantry always stays organized or closet, just those little things. I did this thing in Colorado Springs where I live, it's called the Incline. It's a mile straight up staircase. It's not for the faint of heart and I've done it twice now. So yeah, just little things that I really want to make sure I master. Again, some of them aren't big at all, but some of them are really important to me and just always having it in front of me seems to have helped. So yeah, I'm very excited for this topic and I'm really sad because we want to respect your time and we want to make sure we wrap up in a timely fashion. Alicia, we ask our guests this all the time, and we want to know from you. You help people find success and beat imposter syndrome and find their true potential. So we have to ask you, what is your favorite quote about success? Alicia Berberich (27:16): The quote that stands out to me that has made a huge difference in my life is from the Teddy Roosevelt. In my mind, I think everybody follows this quote. "Just to be in the arena and don't be distracted by the audience who's not in the arena, the people who aren't playing the game, don't let them and their negative energy impact you, but to be in the arena and to play full out." Carly Ries (27:42): Well, that will be in the show notes for people that want more inspiration. Alicia, this has been wonderful. If people want to learn more about you or manifestation, the topic, where can people find you? Alicia Berberich (27:53): I'm on Instagram at alicia_berberich. Then I have a 30 day manifesting email program that's free that helps people to get into the habit of manifesting. They get the email for 30 days to really build the habit of that. You can sign up for that from the link in the bio on Instagram or my website at aliciaberberich.com. Carly Ries (28:24): Great. And all of those will be in the show notes. Alicia, thank you so much for coming on the show today. I really enjoyed it. I know our audience will as well. Again it's a new topic and I am glad we touched on it. Thank you so much for joining us. Listeners, we will see you next week for another episode of the One-Person Business Podcast. Closing (28:48): You may be going solo in business, but that doesn't mean you're alone. In fact, millions of people are in your shoes running a one person business and figuring it out as they go. So why not connect with them and learn from each other's successes and failures? At LifeStarr, we're creating a one-person business community where you can go to meet and get advice from other solopreneurs. Be sure to join in on the conversations at community.lifestarr.com