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Transcript

SOBER TALK SA - Corie · Sober Talk SA

• 0:00
  Oh, good afternoon. My name is Corey.
• 0:02
  I'm an alcoholic. And this is my truth.
• 0:06
  I, I, I guess I could start by saying, talking about how, how
• 0:14
  it was for me. And if I look back when I was a
• 0:20
  young child at home, there wasn't a lot of alcohol in my
• 0:24
  house. I can only really remember my
• 0:28
  mum and my dad, you know, drinking on a hot day and, and
• 0:34
  they would have a shandy, you know, and, you know, a beer with
• 0:40
  lemonade and, and we were allowed to have a fit, my sister
• 0:46
  and I. And, and I look back at that
• 0:48
  time and, and I remember, I remember how much I really liked
• 0:53
  it, you know, But I just, you know, I guess it was because it
• 0:58
  was of the lemonade. When I look back, I, I, I guess
• 1:00
  that's what I remember the most. I don't really remember the beer
• 1:04
  or the scout. I really remember the lemonade,
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  the sweetness of it. But I definitely do remember
• 1:11
  wanting to go back and have more.
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  But my parents, you know, after a couple of sips, both of my
• 1:17
  parents thinking, you know, as maybe 9/10/11 that a couple of
• 1:23
  sips was enough and, and letting us just have a lemonade after,
• 1:28
  after that. So at home, alcohol could not be
• 1:32
  easily, you know, obtained. But at my grandparents home on
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  my, on my mother's side, we're Eastern European.
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  And so family get togethers, you know, celebrations, Easter,
• 1:49
  birthdays, Christmas, those celebrations revolved around
• 1:54
  family food and alcohol was a big presence.
• 2:01
  Yeah, really big presence. When I look back, you know, with
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  vodka drinkers and everyone had beer, but, you know, vodka,
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  vodka bottles could be two or three, four in a day.
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  When I, when I consider that no one, no one stumbled and fell
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  down, there was no fighting, there was no idling, no
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  swearing. And I had one uncle who would
• 2:30
  drink too much and fall asleep. And I guess that was my idea of
• 2:34
  what happened when you were drunk.
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  And, and in that regard, I guess I didn't really go looking a lot
• 2:45
  for alcohol even when I was a teenager.
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  My father was, my father was very controlling and he had a
• 2:55
  very tight reign on what I could and could not do.
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  And I think I was very frightened of the idea that I
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  would go out as maybe a 16 year old, 1516 year old and, and look
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  for alcohol because at that point, obviously I really didn't
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  know what it could do. And the idea that I might come
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  home, be brought home by the police, that terrified me.
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  So I, I was, I guess what you would consider a good girl.
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  I didn't want to do anything that would get me into trouble.
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  I was wearing pretty tight, I think.
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  But I did eventually grow up and I did find alcohol and and just
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  before I was 18, I went of the taste.
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  The girls were already 18 or 19 and had the rest of my class had
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  much more experience in alcohol than than I had.
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  And I guess it was that feeling of wanting to be a part of when,
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  when we had our final dinner at the end of the year, they wanted
• 4:06
  to include me in, in having alcohol at the table.
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  And it was a little bit naughty, I suppose, to, to be in there to
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  look at things, to be included and, and to have alcohol.
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  But you know, nothing bad happened.
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  And, and I guess I didn't really consider back then that bad
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  things could happen with, with alcohol.
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  I was incredibly young, incredibly immature, incredibly
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  naive. But I didn't say that way for
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  very long. One of one of those girls took
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  me away on a weekend to a S Australian country town and like
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  I said, she had a lot of experience in drinking and she
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  promised me a great weekend away and that included drinking and
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  also I would just do what she's doing.
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  And it turned out horrendously for me.
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  I was not I, I guess I assumed quite wrongly that she would
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  drink with me or I guess I don't know.
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  I I didn't know what to expect, but I didn't expect that she
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  would look after me and she didn't.
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  I ended up in the gravel with her friends, her male friends,
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  pouring beer in my face to wake me up.
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  And then one of her friends had to sort of, you know, get me up
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  off the ground and the next morning with promises of never
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  doing that again because it was just such a horrendous
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  experience. And, you know, and and worse
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  happens. So I won't go into detail here.
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  And I guess I did promise myself that that, yeah, I wouldn't, I
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  wouldn't do it again if that's if that's, you know, young
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  people drinking, you know, and I think I was 18 at that time, you
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  know, then I didn't want any of it.
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  But clearly the kind of events that were were to be my life
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  were the ball was was set rolling at that time and it was
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  to continue. I'm in a new group of friends
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  and and I guess I I had arrived into adulthood or what I thought
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  was adulthood, and drinking was a really large part of that.
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  And for an incredibly long time. My drinking was very social.
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  It always seems to involve my friends, lots of people, bars
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  and clubs and doing exactly what everyone else was doing.
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  I, I really didn't think that what I was doing was that
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  different from anyone else. I allowed other people to teach
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  me what what they were doing. You know, the first few times
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  going out drinking, you know, involved people buying me, you
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  know, multi colored drinks teaching me what alcohol was all
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  about. It was that feeling of finally
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  belonging, growing into adulthood, belonging, not being
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  so naive anymore, not being a child anymore, finally growing
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  up. And I wanted that really badly.
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  I, I needed that. I needed to not be a kid in an
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  adult world anymore. But I, I was not prepared or I
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  just was not prepared. And my my drinking took me into
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  really risky places. And then when I wanted to, I
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  could just stop when something was important enough.
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  I'm a lover of trouble. And when I wanted to go overseas
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  and I wanted to save some money to do that, I could stop the
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  partying. So any thoughts of there being a
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  problem with my drinking? Yeah, because I could, I could
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  control it. I I firmly believed that there
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  was, there was nothing wrong. And it took a while to actually
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  take the thought of there being a problem with my drinking
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  seriously. Because, like I said, when there
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  was a reason strong enough, I could stop or I could control.
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  And that happened for a couple of years.
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  I went and lived overseas in Europe and I had a very
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  important job or a job that was very important to me.
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  It involved the care of three young, vulnerable children and
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  they were in my care for extended periods of time in a
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  very busy European city and my job was also my home.
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  So because that was vital to me and I didn't want to mess it up,
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  I controlled my drinking. And because I could do that,
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  that allayed any thought I had about the consequences of the
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  previous five months of my outrageous drinking and my
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  outrageous behaviour due to my drinking on a little pilot tiny
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  island in Europe where it had, it had been quite scary at
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  times, but because I could control it, I thought, no,
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  everything, everything's OK. But things escalated and I came
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  home. I experienced some
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  disappointments, I experienced some, I experienced some
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  tragedies and my sensitive self, there had always been
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  sensitivity in me, really found a depth that I had never
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  experienced before. And I for the first time in my
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  life at 25 and 26 specifically used alcohol and drugs as a
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  coping mechanism. So my use of alcohol just went
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  through the roof and I was living in far North Queensland
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  at that time. So every day was a party.
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  I was in the hospitality industry and so any day and any
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  night of the week could be a party.
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  And I wasn't living the Monday to Friday, 9 to 5 lifestyle.
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  I had suddenly, I'd suddenly found a lifestyle and a work
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  environment and a group of friends that encouraged me to, I
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  could just live out my crazy fantasy of just doing whatever
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  it was I wanted and, and it just fit with exactly where I was.
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  It was just self destruction time.
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  And that's exactly what I, that's exactly what I did.
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  But there was a time that I noticed about 27 or 28, I
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  noticed that what I was doing was different.
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  Some people were able to say, no, not everyone was staying
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  behind every night for a party. Not everyone was partying until
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  the sun came up the next day. There were just some differences
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  that I was noticing And, and, and some people were still
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  partying, but other people around me had things.
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  They had relationships, they were buying houses, they had
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  savings. Some of them even had cars.
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  Some of them had those adult things that I didn't have a
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  yearning, I didn't have a complete yearning for.
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  But I wondered if one day I had a yearning for some of those
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  things, how was I going to get them?
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  How how was I going to get those things?
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  And I distinctly remember the morning that I asked myself that
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  question, if I wanted those things one day, how was I going
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  to get them if I continued to wake up with my friends on my
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  floor, sleeping on on my couch and on my living room floor,
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  waking up with hangovers most mornings.
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  I I didn't have the answer. So I eventually came back to
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  regional SA in 2003 to re evaluate things that were going
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  on in my life and had a quiet couple of months until I just, I
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  just busted out one night and again, my drinking just took on
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  another level, a completely other level.
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  And I guess that brought me to my knees eventually.
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  It took years, but it brought me to my knees, it brought me to my
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  rock bottom, and it brought me to a point where blackouts were
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  constant throughout my drinking. Myself.
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  Destruction was pretty much complete and whilst I wasn't a
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  daily drinker, I was fairly sure that that was getting close.
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  I hadn't before at that point that I was an alcoholic.
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  I thought counseling for a drinking problem.
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  My counselor didn't describe me as an alcoholic, but I looked
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  back and I I, I thought I was being honest with her.
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  It's possible I wasn't. I made the decision to stop
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  drinking right at the beginning of 2011.
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  I'd never thought to ever stop before, but I had an
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  overwhelming sense that was an out of body experience, that if
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  I did not stop, if I did not try the very last thing on my list
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  of things to try, that something very, very bad was going to
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  happen to me. I had started to drink drive at
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  that point. I'd done about four or five
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  times and I'd always been vehemently against drink
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  driving. So everything was just
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  escalating behaviour wise and I just knew something very bad was
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  going to happen to me and I felt that it was going to happen with
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  a car, that I was either going to hurt myself or I was going to
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  hurt somebody else and either way it was going to be bad.
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  So I didn't have a drink for two years, but in that time I picked
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  up an alcoholic in a relationship and not having the
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  program of a A. I didn't understand just the
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  craziness and the unmanageability of putting down
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  the drink. But a mind that slowly goes mad
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  when you don't know how to live life without alcohol, but you
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  don't have the solution that AI provides.
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  And that's what happened to me. I put down the drink and six
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  months later I picked up an alcoholic and my life became
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  tail I. That relationship ended and I
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  knew someone in the fellowship and I came to my first AI
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  meeting. I had at that point, thankfully,
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  gently came to the conclusion that I was indeed an alcoholic.
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  So I didn't have the full understanding of what that
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  actually meant. And it's just one of the
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  millions of gifts that the Fellowship of AI provides, you
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  know, an understanding of of what that means for me.
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  But when I first came into the Fellowship of AI, I thought that
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  I just needed to come to meetings.
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  I just needed to share my story and all I heard, I think, were
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  differences. Maybe that's what I was
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  listening for. I still didn't understand the
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  disease of alcoholism and how strong, how cunning, how
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  powerful and how baffling it is and how how easy it was to
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  convince me that I actually didn't need to stay.
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  And so I left after after about nine months.
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  Sadly, at that time there wasn't any talk about it being a
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  spiritual program. I had no idea.
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  And no one was really talking about the big book and I just
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  had no connection to anything. I just, I just came to a meeting
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  a week and had a little talk and I thought, I guess I don't
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  really need to stay, you know, I don't think I'm ever going to
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  drink again. And, and I basically was a dry
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  drunk, someone who had managed to put down alcohol doesn't have
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  a program, doesn't have a sponsor, you know, is not
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  working the program of a, A is not working the steps.
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  He's just kind of winging it basically, but is slowly going
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  mad. And I managed to stay in that
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  state for seven years, seven months and 30 days.
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  And for a large portion of that time, I thought I was actually
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  OK until I wasn't OK and I busted.
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  And that was in August and September of 2018.
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  And the first one, I expected it, I could feel it coming.
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  I kind of knew it was going to happen and it didn't bother me.
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  But the second one happened on the 10th of September and nine
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  days later, and that one frightened me.
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  That one I didn't see coming. My behaviour escalated very
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  quickly and I knew I was about to spiral out of control, but I
• 17:44
  think it needed to happen. Actually, I know it needed to
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  happen. God, as I understand him say,
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  brought me to my knee fully and completely in a way that has
• 17:52
  never would have happened before and carried me straight into the
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  arms of the A, A fellowship in Adelaide where I was given the
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  strength to share my story with just two days of safety in a
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  room where they were celebrating a member's 10 years of sobriety.
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  And I felt like Derby. I just felt like trash.
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  But they always want to hear from the visitors in the room.
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  And of course they wanted to hear, you know, from me.
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  And I selected my first 24 hour tip that night and it's still
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  one of my most favorite possessions On that trip to
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  Adelaide. I also collected my first
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  sponsor. I fell in love with the
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  fellowship of AAI, got to know it properly.
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  I started working the set. I started reading the big books
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  and the 12:00 and 12:00 I have, I've gone to, I don't know how
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  many a a can. I'm part of committee, I do
• 18:57
  service work. And now I'm more than two years
• 19:01
  sober. My life has completely done 360
• 19:06
  from that time. My life has turned around and
• 19:09
  the fellowship in my regional area has turned around as well.
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  In large part, you know, but what happened because of what
• 19:17
  happened to me, I was able to, to take what I was being given
• 19:24
  by my sponsor and the fellowship around me and, and, and bring it
• 19:29
  home and encourage those around me.
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  And, and we have grown and we have passed it on and it's been
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  an incredible experience. It wasn't easy.
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  And I won't lie, the first few months I wasn't sure.
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  I wasn't sure if I could do it. I, I didn't trust that I would
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  actually get through it, but I share my strength and my hope
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  and my experience with others by saying that the first few months
• 20:01
  whilst I wasn't sore, I kept being told to hang in there and
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  I tell others to hang in there because I don't know when it's
• 20:09
  going to happen for others, but for me.
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  Five month, 4-5, month 5. I had real hope that that one
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  day at a time I could get there. And now, with the God of my own
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  understanding, I've handed over my will and my life to that God.
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  And I'm not trying to run my life anymore.
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  I'm living well one day at a time.
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  I have no need or want for a drink today.
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  And that's not by my doing. That's that's not, that's not
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  me. That is without a doubt the
• 20:43
  fellowship of AA and a power much, much greater than me.
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  Because on my own, I keep my life completely upside down and
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  lost most of the pieces, you know, our power much greater
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  than me. And the fellowship of a A helped
• 21:01
  me put those pieces back together.
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  And So what it's like for me now is I'm not asking anymore what
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  is wrong with me? And I asked that question in my
• 21:12
  entire life, what is wrong with me?
• 21:14
  And I don't ask that anymore. You know, I stopped asking, you
• 21:18
  know, I know what's wrong with me.
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  I'm an alcoholic and that's actually OK because if I worked
• 21:24
  that out, my wife has turned around.
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  We have local meetings for the full week in the local area.
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  Monday is Gala meeting at 8:00, Tuesday is Elizabeth E at 8:00,
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  Wednesday is Elizabeth E at 8:00, Thursday is 2 Wells at
• 21:42
  8:00 and Friday is Salisbury at 8:00.
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  There's a meeting at Devron Park at 12:00 and on Sunday there's a
• 21:50
  maintenance Salisbury at 7:00 and many of the meetings in the
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  area. For details of your local
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  meetings, please phone 1300 double 22222.
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  And once again, if anyone you know is struggling with alcohol
• 22:05
  issues, please call Alcoholics Anonymous on 1300 double 22222
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  or check out their website ona.org dot AU.