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why you should say "yes" to grief · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

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  Grief is one of those feelings that most of us would rather
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  avoid. It's heavy, overwhelming, and
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  sometimes it feels like it might just swallow us whole.
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  When we lose someone we love, experience a major life change,
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  or let go of an old version of ourselves, grief shows up
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  uninvited. And what's the first thing we
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  usually want to do? Push it away.
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  We tell ourselves. I'll deal with this later, or I
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  just need to stay busy. But here's the thing, grief
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  doesn't just disappear because we ignore it.
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  In fact, the more we push it down, the more power it has over
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  us. And it's about time that we
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  start saying yes to grief. My name is Ethan Jewell and
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  welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
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  Today we're talking about the importance of saying yes to
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  grief, allowing ourselves to feel it fully, to move through
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  it and not around it. It's one of the most important
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  things we can do for our healing.
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  It's uncomfortable, yes. It's scary, absolutely, but in
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  the long run, it's the only way to move forward.
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  I want to remind you, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a professional
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  in the mental health industry. I'm a normal guy who, like you,
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  has felt some big feelings and wants to start the conversation
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  about mental health awareness. So thank you for being here.
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  Thank you for opening yourself up to feel your feelings with
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  me, and I hope you find something from this episode.
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  Let's talk about why grief matters, why avoiding it does
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  more harm than good, and how we can learn to embrace it in a way
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  that helps us heal. Grief isn't just about losing a
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  loved one. It shows up in many aspects of
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  life. A lot of people, I feel like,
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  have this very cut and dry way of thinking of grief, like it
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  always has to come from some sort of loss, some massive,
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  massive, dramatic event. But the fact is, grief can
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  happen for a multitude of reasons, and it can happen from
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  seemingly small or less important things.
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  It can come from a breakup, losing a job, moving away from a
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  place you loved. It can come from outgrowing
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  friendships, simply changing, growing, or dealing with
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  unresolved feelings. Sometimes we may grieve things
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  that never even happened. Dreams we had for our lives that
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  didn't come true. People who never came into our
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  lives that we wanted change, that we never faced because we
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  were afraid of that grief. And yet, society often tells us
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  that grief is something that we need to get over as quickly as
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  possible. There's this unspoken pressure
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  to be strong, to put on a brave face, and to move forward like
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  nothing happened. But here's the thing.
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  Grief, it's not a sign of weakness.
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  It's a sign that you loved, that you cared, that something or
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  someone mattered to you. Psychologist Doctor Alan
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  Wolfelt, a leading expert on grief, says that mourning is the
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  outward expression of grief, meaning that feeling and
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  expressing grief is actually a necessary process, not something
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  to be skipped. When we say yes to grief, we're
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  saying yes to honoring what was lost, to acknowledging the
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  impact that it had on us. We're acknowledging what
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  happened. We're acknowledging what didn't
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  happen. We are acknowledging the
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  feelings within us. We are opening ourselves up to
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  the vulnerable act of self discovery.
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  We're acknowledging what needs to be felt.
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  We're acknowledging what action we might have to take to help
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  with this grief. We're facing uncomfortable, not
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  pleasant feelings head on for the sake of growing and healing.
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  And that is an ultimate act of love for yourself.
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  Some of us may think of grief as something to be avoided because
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  going through it is cruel to us. You know, we think of all these
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  uncomfortable feelings, the mourning and everything that
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  comes with grief, everything that comes with feeling those
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  feelings and acknowledging what's been lurking under the
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  surface. We think of it as a bad thing.
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  But in reality, opening yourself up to that, facing those
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  feelings, allowing yourself to mourn, saying yes, letting
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  yourself have bad days, letting yourself feel uncomfortable
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  feelings, that is a way to love yourself.
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  That is a way to grow and to heal.
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  Even though it feels like the opposite.
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  When grief is banging on our door, it's loud and it's
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  uncomfortable. But sometimes the best way to
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  deal with that is to open the door.
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  It's to invite grief inside. Maybe have a cup of coffee with
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  it. Understand it.
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  Grief is necessary, even though it's painful.
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  So what happens when we push that grief away?
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  When we leave the door closed? At first, it might seem like
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  it's working. Maybe you distract yourself with
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  work, social events, or keeping busy in any way possible.
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  You tell yourself you're fine. But grief doesn't just
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  disappear, it waits. Unprocessed grief can show up in
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  ways we don't expect, like sudden bursts of anger or
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  irritability over small things, feeling emotionally numb, like
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  you're just going through the motions.
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  Anxiety, depression, feelings of deep loneliness even when
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  surrounded by people, even physical symptoms like
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  exhaustion, headaches, chronic pain.
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  There's actually research to back this up.
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  Studies from the American Psychological Association show
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  that suppressed grief and emotions are linked to higher
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  levels of stress. It's linked to higher levels of
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  depression and anxiety. It's linked to physical
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  symptoms. Avoiding grief doesn't protect
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  us. It hurts us more in the long
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  run, in a literal physical way. Unresolved grief also plagues us
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  beneath the surface. It can make us just feel off for
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  seemingly no reason. I feel like many of us have this
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  idea that grief is always a very active and obvious experience.
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  Like, you know we're going to know when there's grief to be
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  felt, but sometimes it's as simple as feeling like something
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  is wrong. It just pokes at us and lets us
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  know it's there, just below the surface, waiting for us to face
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  it. The longer we put off facing
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  that grief, opening ourselves up and saying yes to those
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  complicated feelings, the deeper rooted within us it can become.
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  The grief gets comfortable, it becomes our normal and facing it
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  is so important. I want to reiterate, grief
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  should not be treated as a bad thing that needs to be pushed
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  away. It's a way to learn.
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  It's a way to deal with complicated, difficult
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  situations. It's a way to grow.
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  It's something that we have to go through, not go around.
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  And the way it shows up and the way that it harms us when we're
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  not dealing with it, it displays itself in many different ways.
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  Now, if you spent a long time avoiding grief, the idea of
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  facing it can feel terrifying. So where do you even start?
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  How do you say yes to grief when everything in you wants to say
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  no? Well, here's a few simple ways.
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  I want to remind you again, I'm not a doctor, so recommendations
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  like this should honestly be taken with a grain of salt.
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  But this is what has worked for me.
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  This is what seems to work for other people.
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  And I would recommend you do your own research and you
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  experiment and you actually try these things in your life and
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  see what works for you. Mental health is not about
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  finding a perfect solution from the get go.
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  It's about experimenting and finding what works for you.
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  So first, give yourself permission to feel.
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  I preach this all the time because it's a very, very simple
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  concept that a lot of people overlook because it just seems
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  too easy. One of the hardest parts of
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  grief is feeling like you shouldn't be as sad as you are.
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  But there's no right way to grief.
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  There's no timeline. So let yourself cry.
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  Let yourself feel the waves when they come, you know?
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  Don't push it away. Grief is messy, and that's OK.
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  Next, createspace for that grief, which again sounds very
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  anecdotal and not realistic, but you really have to like set
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  aside time to sit with that grief instead of just like
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  waiting for it to hit you at random moments.
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  Maybe that means something like journaling, listening to music
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  that helps you process, visiting somewhere that reminds you of
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  what you're grieving. Maybe it's just laying in bed
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  and and just sitting with that feeling.
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  It's so simple that we overlook that just allowing ourselves the
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  time and the space to sit with that grief.
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  Another thing we can do is talk about it.
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  You know, instead of keeping that grief locked inside and
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  letting it get heavier, we can talk to a friend, a therapist,
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  professionals are there for a reason.
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  Or even, you know, just saying things out loud to yourself can
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  help lighten the load. I've, I've done this personally.
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  I literally will talk to myself about the feelings that I'm
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  feeling. And there's something freeing
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  about stating out loud, I am grieving this.
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  I feel bad because of this. You're taking this not physical
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  thing, this emotion within you and you're making it physical by
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  speaking it into existence. And there's something empowering
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  about that. That's another reason that
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  journaling actually works is, you know, riding out what we're
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  feeling is a way of out really expressing, which is a very
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  powerful tool when dealing with complicated feelings.
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  Finally, just be patient with yourself.
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  Grief doesn't move in a straight line.
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  Some days we'll feel OK, and others will feel unbearable.
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  And remind yourself that that's normal.
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  Healing doesn't mean never feeling sad.
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  It means learning to carry the loss in a way that allows you to
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  keep living. Grief is not the enemy.
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  It's not something to be fixed or erased.
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  It's a part of love, it's a part of life, and it's a part of
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  healing. Saying yes to grief doesn't mean
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  you'll hurt forever. It means you're giving yourself
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  permission to move through it in a way that leads to real
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  healing. So if you're grieving right now,
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  I want you to know this. Your grief is valid, your
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  feelings are allowed to exist. You don't have to rush to be OK
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  again. Take your time, let yourself
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  feel. That's going to wrap it up for
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  today's episode. If this message resonated with
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  you, consider sharing it with someone who might need to hear
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  it. As always, keep feeling, keep
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  healing, and be gentle with yourself.
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  If you need help feeling these feelings, you should check out
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  my music on all platforms under the name Ethan Jewell.
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  I almost guarantee it'll make you cry.
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  Thank you so much for being here.
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  Thank you for understanding that saying yes to grief is often the
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  best choice to make. And as always, thank you for
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  feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.