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Why do narcissists want to remain friends after the relationship ends · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're talking about Why do narcissists want to be friends
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  after the relationship ends? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and welcome to episode 984 of the Narcissist
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  Code. Boom.
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  Welcome back, welcome back. Welcome back, folks.
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  Yes, yes, yes. Friends, can we, can we please,
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  can we please be friends? Can we at least be friends
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  after? Can we be friends?
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  Friends with benefits, friends with this, friends with that?
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  Narcissistic people? Y'all want to be like let's be
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  let's be realistic. They don't want to be your
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  friend, you know, I don't care if the if the title that they
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  give you is friends with benefits or just friends or
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  let's be friendly. They don't want to do that.
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  What they mean is they won't, they won't continuous access to
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  you on their terms, like the terms that they set, the terms
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  and conditions that they set, even if they've done you wrong
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  for an extended period of time, even if they strung you along,
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  even if they keep coming in and out of your life, even if they
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  keep doing things to you and what not, they just feel like
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  they still want you to be on the terms and conditions that they
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  set forth. Like I said this, So you have to
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  do this. That's the mindset that a lot of
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  narcissistic people like. They don't really want to be
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  your friends. No, I don't.
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  The people say, you know, let's be friendly.
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  We can. We don't have any friends.
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  Let's be friendly. They want you to be nice to
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  them. They're asking you to be nice to
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  them. Be nice to me.
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  I don't care what I did to you. You need to grow up and let's be
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  friendly. We need to be on good terms.
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  Let's be friends. We can still hang out and talk
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  every day. You know I'm here if you need
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  anything. I know I did you wrong.
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  I know things didn't end up the way that they are supposed to
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  end up. I know we went.
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  We decided to go our separate ways.
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  Well, at least I did. I know.
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  I went our. I went my separate way and
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  didn't tell you until you found out.
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  But now, now that you know, now that you know, we are both going
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  our separate ways. You know, let's be friends.
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  You know we were friends. You know, we were my best friend
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  for a long time. You used to call me your best
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  friend while we were together. They don't want to actually be
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  your friends. Friends is friends is keyword
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  for access. You see what I'm saying?
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  So. So if you or ask you to be
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  friends with them, substitute the word friends for access.
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  You know, friends with benefits, Access with benefits.
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  They don't be friends. Yeah.
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  They don't want to be your friends because friends.
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  Yeah. Hey, I'm just so you let you
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  know I'm dating somebody. So the friends with benefits has
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  to end. The access with benefits has to
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  end because you remove the access, they're probably going
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  to start treating you differently.
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  You know what I'm saying? They don't want to be your
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  friends. They want you to be on.
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  They want you to be a certain way.
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  They want you to react a certain way.
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  They want you to do a lot of, they want you to do that type of
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  stuff right there. Friends.
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  They don't want to be your friends.
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  They want to remain in your life in some way, shape or form.
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  You know, they want to be able to share everything that they're
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  doing with their life with you. But if you try, if you try to
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  reciprocate and share the good things about your life,
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  typically they don't want to hear it.
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  You know, typically they don't want to have anything to do with
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  it. They don't want to be your
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  friends. They want access.
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  So anytime you are dealing with a narcissist or a toxic person
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  and they say, well, let's just be friends, let's remain
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  friends, We can be friends. We can do this.
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  You know, I'm friends with all of my exes.
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  You hear, you hear this right here.
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  You hear a lot of narcissists say things to you like this.
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  I'm friends with all of my exes. And if they have been friends
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  with all of their exes and you have not met these exes and you
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  are not friends with said exes, it's just like you have to
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  understand that they want to remain in your life, especially
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  if they've been cheating on you with their exes.
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  If they, if they remain friends with their exes, you see how
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  they've treated their exes that they are friends with.
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  They want access to those exes and they want continuous access
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  to you. It's access.
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  It's so it's the benefits. It's access with benefits, it's
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  access with this, it's access with that is so many different
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  things. They literally just want access
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  to you. And I know it's hard for a lot
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  of people to understand and take and and grasp a hold of, and it
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  sounds bad a lot of times, but that's how it goes right there.
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  Y'all. That is literally the mindset of
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  a lot of narcissistic and toxic people.
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  Like literally, you know, I try to help as many people as
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  possible just to convey that point, but they literally just
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  want that access to you. They want to remain in your life
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  in some way, shape or form. They want an access.
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  You know, access means control. So you can further, if you want
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  to further substitute words, you can substitute the word friends
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  with access and you can substitute the word access with
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  control. Control with benefits, control.
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  You know, let's be, let's be friends, let's stay friends, let
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  me stay in control, let's stay in control.
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  You know what I'm saying? So not just the word control.
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  It doesn't fit right there. In control.
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  In control. With benefits.
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  Let's remain friends, substitute friends.
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  For let's remain in act. Let's let's remain in control.
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  You know, you see what I'm saying?
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  I can do this. I remain friends with all of my
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  exes. I remain.
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  In control of all my exes. I remain and still have access
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  to all of my exes. You see, they just want their
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  access and their control over you because they don't want to
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  relinquish that, no matter if they have a new relationship
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  going on. Sometimes they want to remain
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  friends with benefits. Sometimes because like control
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  with benefits, Control in control with benefits, Access
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  with benefits because they are wait, like they want you to be a
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  placeholder, You know, sometimes they want you to be a
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  placeholder in their life. You know, they're just like, OK,
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  I haven't, I don't necessarily want to be with you anymore, but
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  I need to have access. I need to have a backup plan.
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  So now they want to have you a backup plan, backup plan with
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  benefits. They want to have a backup plan
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  just in case whatever they're doing or whoever they're doing
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  doesn't work out. And they don't have that fear of
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  being alone. Because as long as I have you,
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  as long as I feel like I can come back to you, I'll never be
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  alone. You know, a lot of narcissists
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  have a fear of being alone. And when I say alone, y'all, I
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  don't necessarily mean in a relationship as you may mean.
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  They feel like aloneness means that you don't have access to
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  anyone else. Narcissists want access to
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  people. They can be alone.
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  They can be by themselves, like in the house.
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  They can live by themselves. But the aloneness has something
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  to do with access. You know, why do they want to
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  stay? Why do you want to stay friends
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  with somebody that you that you've hurt so badly?
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  Because they want to continue to hurt you so badly.
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  That's why I try to convey to people like if they hurt you.
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  Like, let me say it like this, If you've been in a relationship
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  with the narcissist, right. And this is this is the this is
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  the part where we have to kind of turn the mirror on ourselves
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  as opposed to looking at the narcissist.
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  Like if you've been in a relationship with somebody,
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  right, and they've treated you badly, they've treated you sub
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  party, they they give you, you know, the bare minimum to remain
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  friends with you, right. They give you the bare minimum.
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  I mean to to remain in a relationship with you throughout
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  the relationship. They gave you the bare minimum.
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  How do you think they're going to treat you as a friend?
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  How do you think they're going to treat you as a friend?
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  They treat you lookout. It might hurt some people's
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  illness, but they treat you how they value you.
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  If they're treating you badly, they treat you like you have low
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  self value to them, low value to them, not low self value.
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  You have low value to them, like you're good enough to remain
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  friends with or friends with benefits, but you're not good
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  enough to be in a relationship with or.
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  Try to commit and make any kind of behavioral changes like it
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  would. Let's keep it hot.
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  Whatever you allow is whatever will, whatever will continue.
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  So if you want to remain friends and be in this stationary point
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  in your life, because they don't necessarily let you move on, the
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  dynamics of the friendship change once you start
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  introducing other people into the equation.
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  And typically, and this is what the lot of narcissists are
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  hoping, they're hoping that you remain friends with them.
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  You see them being happy in a new relationship or you see them
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  being, doing whatever they're doing.
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  And you don't move on because you get you have hope.
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  Friends like being like. If you remain friends with them,
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  it's like you might have hope that something else can
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  transpire. You remain friends.
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  You can show that you can prove your worth outside of the
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  relationship. Look, I can be friends, you
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  know. You see, I'm good.
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  I can be friends. I I have.
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  I I'm worthy. I have high value.
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  I can be friends with you like I can be friends like we can be
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  friends so you, you know, you know.
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  So you see how you know, value me more because I can be
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  friends. You see that I can be friends.
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  You see that I have the ability to be friends, so please value
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  me more. You see how that goes right
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  there. You see the inner workers of
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  that mindset right there. You see how that works.
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  They want you to be friends so you can value them more.
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  That's the mindset. That's the space.
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  That's the dynamic there's so many people fall into right
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  there. And that's why I tell people I
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  try to convey that to so many people.
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  Like, this is your life. You know you.
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  They put you in this kind of holding area, but they want to
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  remain friends. Like, if you don't know, I'm
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  working on a video series for the cycle of a narcissistic
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  relationship and I included a new cycle of the narcissistic
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  cycle of relationship. It's called storage and recycle.
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  It's called the storage and recycle phase.
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  In the storage recycle phase, they put you as a friend.
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  Sometimes they ask you to remain friends.
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  They tell you they don't. They don't know what they want
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  in life. They don't know what they're
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  looking for. Maybe we can be friends until I
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  figure things out. Maybe we can be friends until
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  this happens. Maybe we can be friends with
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  benefits until such such and such happens.
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  You see what I'm saying. They're putting you in the
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  storage recycle area because they trying to determine they're
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  trying to find somebody else. Typically you know if backup
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  plan type stuff. Whether or not I try to Hoover
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  you, you know I go into great detail in the in my video series
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  about the storage and recycle phase.
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  If you're interested interested in that I have a newsletter
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  subscribe to the newsletter. Y'all the the the link to it for
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  my newsletter is in the description of every video and
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  every podcast that I do. Like it goes out weekly and go
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  11 will go out today on Sunday. So like I said I'll be updating
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  y'all with the things to come about their video series but
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  they we don't want when they want to remain friends they put
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  you in that storage slash slash slash recycle phase in order to
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  determine what they want to do next.
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  You don't really have any control.
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  They don't want you to feel like you have any control because if
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  you agree to be my friend, then you're it's under my terms and
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  conditions under forensic benefits is the benefit that I
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  seek. I was asking when people say
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  forensic benefits, what is the benefit outside of like doing
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  it? What is the what is the having
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  somebody to talk to about doing it?
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  I I I just, I I get it because I've been there in my life
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  before. I'm almost 40, but it's just
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  like I get it. But what is the benefit outside
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  of this, outside of a false emotional connection?
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  Right there, you know what I'm saying?
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  That's what narcissists want to do.
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  Let's meet friends so I can still have access because so the
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  the string, the string will still be attached.
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  You know, I've broken up. But like, hold on, Look, stay.
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  It's like keep holding. This is floss, of course, Y'all
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  but hold on to the string, you know, hold on.
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  I know we were together, but hold on just in case, you know.
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  But you everybody knows when you apply pressure, you look, this
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  is applying pressure to a friend, to to a floss, you know.
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  Oh damn, that floss is strong. I'm going to cut my hand.
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  This this is some strong floss. Damn, I'd rather turn my finger
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  off. But y'all get it.
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  I'll try to break the flaws. I feel like I got to put it in
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  my teeth and break it. Getting this Gracious.
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  No, I can't. I can't.
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  I can't go out like that. You know what happens when you
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  pull a flaw from it? I couldn't cut it.
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  Damn it breaks. Anyways, y'all make sure you
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  subscribe to the channel. Subscribe to the newsletter.
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  Thank you for tuning in today. Happy Sunday.
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  But to know this is out. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness
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  Rockstar and I appreciate you for being here.
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• 12:13
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• 12:15
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• 12:18
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• 12:20
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• 12:23
  out. Thank you.
• 12:24
  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.