Latest / The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast / 14. Exposing the bluff in family law intimidation

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14. Exposing the bluff in family law intimidation · The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi everyone, thanks for joining me on today's episode.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: This one's going to be really short and sweet.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: I just wanted to take the opportunity to dispel the myth that if your ex has been able to secure a lawyer and if you've been getting legal letters accusing you of things you know, accusing you of being controlling, accusing you of gatekeeping, accusing you of alienation you know I'm just reeling off some of the more popular accusations here it can be really easy to assume that because a legal professional seems to be running with this narrative, that your ex has got some kind of great chance at getting what they want from the court system, that they must have a great case if a lawyer is prepared to run with that narrative and we just have to call bullshit out on that right now.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: I have seen and heard of some of the most ridiculous things put in writing by lawyers and you know it's something that my clients and I have a bit of a chuckle about on a fairly regular basis, especially after I help them to calm down and recognise the fact that just because a lawyer is taking the money of your ex, just because they're running with this narrative that you're controlling, that the relationship was mutually aggressive or you know, just some other ridiculous claim.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: This doesn't mean that your ex has a hope in hell of getting what they want.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: This doesn't mean that there is any legal basis or factual basis even for what it is that they're claiming or what it is that they're seeking Again.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: You know I think I've said this before on other episodes I know a lot of lawyers.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: I network with a number of lawyers.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: I have close relationships with a handful of lawyers.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: I like lawyers.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: There are lawyers in my family, so I've got to be really careful with what I say about lawyers here.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: But no, genuinely, there are a lot of lawyers that are really nice people and who are great at what they do and, like in all professions, there are also lawyers who are not very nice humans.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: There are lawyers who will take money from horrible people and who will run with narratives that they probably know are completely untrue.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: But hey, you know there's big bucks involved in this and you know this is going down.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: That financial aspect of things is will be a conversation for another day.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Lawyers make a lot of money and if a high conflict abuser has got a particular narrative that they want to run with, the reality is that there are heaps of lawyers that are going to be prepared to take their money to run with that narrative.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: The reality is that if a lawyer pushes back on your ex's narrative, challenges them perhaps tries to encourage them to be a little bit more child focused, encourage them to think a little bit more deeply about what's actually in the best interests of the children, you know, the reality is that a high conflict abuser is just simply going to walk out the door and take their money elsewhere.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: So please be aware there are plenty of lawyers out there who will just happily take the money and run with whatever narrative is going.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: And this is a problem.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: It means we've got a lot of perpetrators of family violence and post separation abuse who are getting legal representation to run with a false narrative that they are the victim.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: This is one of the realities of the family law system and it sucks.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: It's revictimizing victim survivors on a daily basis.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: But why I wanted to record this brief episode is just to help you to understand that if you're getting legal letters that have got all kinds of threats and false accusations, they're framing things in a way that is painting you in a negative light.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: That's painting you as being the perpetrator.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: Please don't fall in a heap of despair and think that your ex must have a really great legal case.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: Please don't think that they've got a lawyer who's thinking that, yep, we're going to win this one because this guy's got a great story.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Please don't be thinking that, because it's really really Far from the truth and in saying that, you know not to be dumping the lawyers in it too much.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: The legal advice that anyone gets, whether it's you or your ex, the legal advice that you get Specific to your situation, is really only going to be as good as the information that the lawyer has about the case, the factual information and I can guarantee you that if your ex has been controlling, has been abusive in other ways, has been Continuing to attempt to control you, harass you, whatever the case may be after separation, I can guarantee you that they have likely not told their lawyer that they will have concocted a story about you and about the situation.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: Sometimes perpetrators of abuse can be believable.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: I'm still actually a bit concerned about the fact that some lawyers really do seem to buy into these sob stories and perpetrators being the victims and all the rest of it, but the reality is some of them can be quite convincing and the legal advice that your ex has received is only as good as the information that they've given their lawyer.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: It's always really interesting for me when these things play out and eventually it comes to light and the ex's lawyer finds out that all they've had a significant alcohol and cocaine addiction problem, or there's an intervention order in place, or they've been putting all kinds of abusive and threatening things in text messages whilst maintaining that it's their ex partner that's the problem.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: I do sometimes think that it would be quite funny to be a fly on the wall of the lawyer of these ex partners when this stuff comes out and when they realize, when it starts to become apparent, that the story that they've been told is really really quite far from the truth.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: But coming back to the point of today's episode, just because your ex may have got legal representation, just because they may have a lawyer who appears to be believing them or running with their narrative at this particular point in time, please don't think that that is any genuine indication that they've got a good case or that they're going to get what they want.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: If your situation progresses to court, okay, take a deep breath and reach out for support if you're concerned, your mindset throughout this process, your ability to talk to people who have lived experience is really, really important.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: Thanks for your time.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: I'll talk to you soon.