Latest / iRefresh Podcast / Ep 30 Discover God's Power to Break Addictions - Stephanie Wrightsman

Transcript

Ep 30 Discover God's Power to Break Addictions - Stephanie Wrightsman · iRefresh Podcast

• 0:05
  After a decade of gathering women together for prayer, we are inspired to bring our words of encouragement to you. This is iRefresh. Welcome to our iRefresh podcast. Here at iRefresh, we're just ordinary women wanting to do extraordinary things through prayer, scripture, and encouragement.
• 0:23
  Today our topic is something I feel is universal. It either affects us or someone we care about and love. We're talking about addiction today, and I really think that the root of this is often a Christ-shaped hole in our heart that we're trying to fill. So tell me about your story with addiction, Stephanie. Well, you know, I was raised in a great family, good Christian family. I was that person in college and high school that maybe had a few too many drinks.
• 0:51
  And when I did, frequently I may not remember what happened the very next day. I'd wonder what happened last night. So I had these big red flags, if you will, growing up. But I was able to put it on the back burner and stop drinking during my childbirth.
• 1:06
  birthing years, you know, my kids were young. It wasn't really an issue. But I think it just kind of hid in the shadows, if you will. And then I had a series of events that happened that were rather painful in my life. And one being my mom's death, which was kind of pivotal for me in that I was
• 1:26
  prescribed by the doctor some medication to help me sleep some anti-anxiety medication and I didn't like the way I felt so At that time I chose to drink wine to help me sleep Help me relax help me sleep and when you start using alcohol as a forms of self medication Not like I felt like I crossed a barrier there And then it just kind of got a hook in me. Wow. Oh So how long did you struggle with this alcoholism? I
• 1:57
  That's a good question. It kind of ebbed and flowed in my life, if you will. Like I said, in high school and college, definitely I felt like there were some tendencies. I was able to put it down. With my mother's death, I was 24 at the time, and I saw that it could be kind of dangerous. But then as I went on to have kids, I could put it down again. One event that kind of stood out to me was we had a house fire, and it was April 8, 2006.
• 2:26
  and we were put in a hotel for three months while our house was being rebuilt.
• 2:30
  During that time, the hotel we were in gave free snacks and free drinks from five to seven. Oh, man. So we would, you know, we were plummeting through all of our, you have to, when you have a house fire, you have to write down everything you lost, where you bought it, how you paid for it. And it was rather painful because a lot of the things I lost were my mothers. So it was kind of just a grieving process of just the past, if you will. Yeah. And so looking forward to that drink every day. And then all of a sudden it was, well, we'll drink a little earlier.
• 3:00
  And it was just a vicious cycle until it was out of control. Man. So how did this affect your relationship with your children and within your marriage?
• 3:12
  Wow, you know, terribly. The honest question to that is, unfortunately, I'm on my second marriage. And my first marriage, we were married 20 years. And he drank, would come home from work and just have a few drinks. And I think we think that that's normal. That's okay. I'm just going to relax. It's not normal.
• 3:34
  You know, and it's not OK. And alcohol, alcoholism, if left untreated, is a disease of progression. Unfortunately, my ex-husband still drinks today and it ultimately ended our marriage because I chose to get better.
• 3:50
  And he did not. And so unfortunately, and my children now, boy, God has restored my relationship with them tremendously. Amazing. But they are very much on guard with alcohol or any type of drug and what it can do. And by the grace of God, they see what the Lord can do. They've seen a life redeemed from ashes to beauty. Wow. They've seen it happen. Wow.
• 4:15
  And as difficult as that is, what a testimony to your children to be able to see that journey. I'm sure there were a lot of hard moments that you probably had to repair some things with. What was that like, repairing relationships? You know, with my kids, it was sometimes I feel like they were too forgiving toward me, you know, because I went to four treatment centers. This wasn't something that happened overnight. And...
• 4:38
  They were very, very, they were just so glad to have mom healthy and whole. And I've always told them, hey, you guys, you know what? As you get older, there may come a season where you find that you're hurt with me, that you're upset about some things that happened. Mainly neglectful parenting is what happens when you're an alcoholic because you're so self, it's a very selfish disease. You're so self-absorbed that you neglect. And I said, if you get to that point and we need to revisit this, I'm here, I'm open.
• 5:06
  But as it stands now, they're proud of me. And, you know, they don't drink. They know better. They've seen addiction at its worst, and they've seen God's redemption. And they certainly know that our God is real and that he is able.
• 5:22
  Awesome. Yeah. You know, I think just like we talked about in the beginning, a lot of times this is a Christ shaped hole that we're trying to fill. But we're looking for contentment and things that really won't bring contentment or joy. Do you feel looking back now? Is that what you were doing? Do you think you were filling a hole, but you just couldn't fill it? So you continued to try, but doing the wrong things?
• 5:47
  Well, you know, I'm an RN, so I'm going to give you a nursing diagnosis for this because I think in my when I I've tried to really look at, you know, why? Why did this happen to me? My siblings, I'm the youngest of six. They don't have addiction issues. You know, how did I fall into this nasty pit? And I think the diagnosis would be it's an ineffective coping mechanism. Yeah.
• 6:09
  I did lose my mom, my father, and my brother to cancer. And those were negative things, yes. But I was a Christian before. You know, I had every opportunity to turn to Jesus. Wow. I didn't have the wings. I didn't have the foundation. I didn't know what it took to turn to Christ and really find freedom. But out of his goodness, I'm so grateful for my road. I wouldn't change it. I know that's kind of hard to hear from people.
• 6:36
  I went deep into alcoholism. It really took me down to a path where I was non-functioning and drinking every day. But to the depth of my pain, I experienced the depth of Christ's love for me. And I would have never known how deep, how wide, how long his love is for me had I not gone to where I went. Wow. So how has God really redeemed your story? What are some ways that really stick out to you of his faithfulness throughout your journey of recovery? Yeah.
• 7:06
  He has redeemed me in every way. My most favorite way is my relationship with him. You know, it's absolutely real. I absolutely had to have him to survive. Yeah. And that's why I love my journey. He redeemed my marriage, which was such a beautiful gift, because when I was in my final treatment center,
• 7:28
  I was in the book of Isaiah chapter 61, which is my favorite chapter in the Bible. I absolutely love it. It's a good one. And it talks about the beauty for ashes and it talks about the double portion. And I learned in class during treatment that day that they said, you know, we don't want you dating for the first year of your recovery. And I thought to myself, I'm not going to be ready to date after a year of recovery.
• 7:52
  And I said, you know what, Lord, this says you're going to give me a double portion. I'm going to wait two years. And I consecrated that time to the Lord. And for two years, I just sought him. He met every need that a husband could meet and then some, right? And he healed me from the inside out. And then he blessed me with, I have a marriage that I did not know was possible. I have a beautiful Christian husband who has got seven years sobriety, a little bit more than me.
• 8:17
  And together we have a ministry. We help other couples salvage their marriage through addiction. We both lost our marriage because of alcohol, our first marriages. And we've been able to help other couples get sober and maintain and keep that marriage and keep seeking God. It's amazing.
• 8:35
  And then he also put on our heart the importance of walking through purity when you're in a dating relationship. We both felt very strongly about that. And now he's using us. We actually mentor couples that are dating or engaged. And we open up the word of God and we say, hey, what does God's word say about purity? What are the boundaries around this relationship?
• 8:54
  And we set boundaries before the relationship really takes off. And we've actually seen couples wed in purity and then, you know, it doesn't stop there. Purity goes on through marriage and doesn't stop once the day you get married. Wow.
• 9:07
  And I think that's so amazing that you continued to walk in purity afterwards because a lot of times we give up one thing for another. Yeah. And I've heard story after story where people go from, you know, something like alcoholism and say, I'm not dealing with that anymore. But now I'm dealing with impurity, but it's fine because I'm not dealing with this anymore. So I really think that's amazing that you notice the importance of different facets and what we're called to do. Yeah.
• 9:36
  Anna, I love that you said that. That is so good because here I've been trying for so many years to get sober, you know, and my marriage to my first husband had ended for a while. And when I'm in that treatment center, I am just crying out to God and really on my face. And he said, Stephanie, I need your whole heart. I'm not, I don't, alcohol was just a symptom. He just used that to get my attention. Wow.
• 10:02
  But he said, I'm going to restore everything. I'm going to restore your finances. I'm going to restore your marriage. I'm going to restore your relationships. The alcohol was just to draw me to him, right?
• 10:11
  And so at that point is when I committed to purity. I said, you've got my whole heart. You've got the whole thing. I'm not doing life on my own anymore because I've seen what Stephanie can do with her life. And it's not pretty. So at that point was when that full, sweet surrender hit. And his yoke is easy. His ways are just so much more pure than we could ever imagine. Yes. Yeah.
• 10:34
  I really love your story because it truly just shows God's faithfulness and redemption. Yes. What are some moments that stand out to you of God just fighting on your behalf and helping you carry along? Were there moments where you wanted to give up that he helped you or was it easier? Yes.
• 10:55
  I think there was a couple of ahas. OK, so maybe that's what you're probably asking me. One of the ahas I had is I'm a very type A driven person. I get the job done. Yeah, sometimes. And I love that part of my personality. I don't want to change that. Thank you, Jesus. I appreciate that. But it can get out of hand where I want to do things in my own strength. Right. So when I first came into recovery.
• 11:15
  I just wanted to do everything right. I wanted to go to all these meetings, work the 12 steps. I was a doer, doer, doer, doer, doer. And I kept hearing the Lord in my quiet time say, just seek my face. Just seek my face.
• 11:30
  And I kept hearing that, but I ignored it. Well, I got to do this and I got to do this. Well, the big book tells me I have to do this. And my sponsor tells me I have to do this. And all this stuff to keep me busy, which I think can be an enemy tactic to keep us over busy, right? Absolutely. So in my fourth treatment center, the beauty of this treatment center was we just read our Bible for six months. Wow. And I wasn't there very long.
• 11:54
  Like two weeks when I'm reading my word and the Lord did for me. He just put that knowing in my heart. He said, Stephanie, I'm doing for you what you couldn't do for yourself. You're in this. It was a militant, very militant treatment center. You're here for six months with me, period. And I just nowadays I refer to it as my honeymoon with Jesus.
• 12:16
  I love it. And so I've never had, I've never once had a desire to drink whatsoever. And I'm around it. It doesn't bother me. Wow. I like to get in the trenches. I love helping people that still smell like the alcohol they just drank an hour ago. I love it. Wow. Praise God. Who the Son sets free is free indeed. Yeah. All right. So what's something specific that God has really redeemed in your life?
• 12:38
  Well, you know, from early on, I always wanted to be a nurse. And it would be just like God, that he used the board of nursing to, you know, he disciplines those he loves. And that's where it all started with my discipline. I came to work one day and I had smelled like alcohol.
• 12:55
  So through the process of this, I lost my license. But the nursing board has got a program called PEER, and it helps nurses like myself who struggle with addiction to get sober. And so I'm working my way through PEER. I got my license back. God redeemed my job in ICU. So I'm able to help people in ICU. But he took it one step further. He put a desire in my heart to go to a grad program.
• 13:20
  And so I've been going to to you to get my doctorate nurse practitioner. Wow. It's awesome. And you mentioned with your in the ICU, it's like a mission field there. Yes. So you really get to see God's faithfulness in and through your job now, not only because he restored your job, but because you get to continue to minister to other people day in and day out.
• 13:44
  You know, as a nurse nurses look at the whole person, right? So when I go in really part of my assessment every day is how are you spiritually? Wow, where are you at spiritually? I have very easy access a very easy door. Do you know if you died today? Do you know where you'd go? I mean most of them are looking at a pot. They're not
• 14:02
  They're at the end. Right. You know, and many recover, but some don't. So I have such an easy way, an easy access way. Their hearts are already tenderized to the brokenness of a failing health. So absolutely, I've had many opportunities to lead others to the Lord and some success stories. I had.
• 14:22
  A little girl, she's 26 and I prayed, Lord, send me someone who's young because what I would have done to got sober at 26 or younger before my babies. And she came into my life. She was in a coma. Her alcohol level was six times higher than the legal limit.
• 14:40
  Wow. And the beautiful thing I'll be in ICU is I do complete care. I do your bath. I do absolutely everything. So I'm bathing her and I'm praying over her. She's in a coma and I'm telling her my story because I'm in there for a while. So I told her my whole story and I told her, I said, you know, my husband, I have a ministry. I want to put this little card in the back pocket of your jeans.
• 15:00
  So she gets a hold of me. This happened like a month ago. And she said, I heard every prayer. She said, I heard everything you said. We met at Panera. I have a picture of she and I now. And she said, God has redeemed my children back to me. She said, she's in nursing school. They're paying for her nursing school. Wow. She's been completely sober ever since. And she said, I want to be a nurse and give back like you gave to me.
• 15:28
  And I thought, what a beautiful thing that I asked God to send me someone young and that she could hear me in her coma. Yeah. Wow. I know that with addiction and with things that we struggle with, shame is often a very prevalent thing. How did you deal with shame when you were recovering? Yeah.
• 15:46
  Hannah, thank you for asking that question. It's a powerful question for someone struggling in addiction. Because the shame keeps you drinking. It keeps you drugging. It keeps you doing whatever you're not supposed to be doing. Yeah. Especially if you're a Christian. Because you feel like that Christians shouldn't be behaving that way, right? And so there was a time. The shame that kept me bound was...
• 16:12
  and I'm going to try not to cry here, how I felt as a mother. I love my kids so much. And the neglect that occurred during my drinking was very painful for me to face. And so I was in the prayer room one day, and I had been asking God for two decades to deliver me from alcohol. I had listened to some incredible people. I had bought every tape on addiction. I had really...
• 16:42
  cried out and I was wondering why God why did it take two decades and I actually got a little mad you know I got in that prayer room and I'm like why why why did you let me waste my kids formative years and I heard the scripture a million times but you know when God gives you that revelation of a scripture and it goes from your head to your heart and it becomes you yes he gave me the scripture um
• 17:07
  Right when I cried out, I said, Lord, why did I waste my kids' formative years? And he said, while you were still a sinner, I sent my son to die on the cross for you. And it was just the knowing of, I loved you just as much, drunk as a skunk, as I do right now in this prayer room. Wow.
• 17:25
  And I had a way out the whole time. But the beauty of that is I have zero judgment in my heart. I can help somebody in the worst of addictions. I can help someone that sold their body for drugs. I don't care what you've done. It means nothing to me. God is bigger. Amen. God is bigger and he will redeem you. Yeah. That's the power of the cross.
• 17:46
  Yeah, that's so good. Thank you for sharing that. I think a lot of times what these issues boil down to is a sense of not knowing your identity. Yes. You know, we don't know who we are in Christ. And so we're searching and hopefully in the searching we figure it out. But we don't until we go to Christ for that. So what is that like?
• 18:09
  That to me, that is the most powerful thing we can learn when the bride of Christ rises up and embraces her identity. The gates of hell will not prevail. And my husband and I now have a couples group that meets at our house on Wednesday nights. And we named it Saints Embracing Their Identity in Christ.
• 18:26
  And we are all about the kingdom of God. Because, you know, when Jesus came to this world, he didn't say be saved and behave. It wasn't behavior modification. It was kingdom. He came to teach us the kingdom. This is who you are in me. You know, he said it himself. You will go on to do even greater things than I do.
• 18:46
  my passion i'm going to make it to the promised land in every area of my life it will happen god promised it and i'm going to take as many people as i can with me and and my passion is that people will know how beautiful they are how cherished they are uh one thing that god's given me that i love is i'm a nurse in icu and i deal with a lot of people in addiction and to tell someone that's an addiction when they're in icu and they're not having their best day
• 19:13
  You're beautiful. You are valued. Christ died for you. It's a mission field. I've been able to help many at least receive Christ. We do have many resources, many that can help people find their path to sobriety, whatever that may look like. Yeah. And I can extend those resources as well. But the truth is, it's Jesus. Wow. He's the resource. That's awesome.
• 19:38
  So what is something truly amazing that you saw God redeem through this process of giving your life to him truly and walking out this sobriety? My marriage, I'd have to say. My marriage is just such a godly marriage. And it was founded on Christ from the beginning. My husband and I get up every morning. And I'm at work by 6. So we get up early enough to read the word together. And we've been together four years now. And everyone, you know.
• 20:07
  we've had to have a disagreement. I don't even know if that's possible, but it doesn't say anywhere in the Bible I have to argue with my husband. So I'm not going to buy it. But we've just got this beautiful, he's as passionate about the Lord as I am, and we're running as fast as we can to God and able to help others. And my first husband, a beautiful soul that he is, we were just two broken people doing the best we could. We did the best we could, but we were both broken. You know, we didn't know our identity. We had salvation.
• 20:37
  We had salvation, but we didn't know who we were in Christ and caused a lot of damage to each other. You know, that was a beautiful amends, by the way. Making my amends to my ex-husband was beautiful. Wow. And God is really working in his life, too. That's awesome. Yeah. Well, is there anything else that you would like to share to our viewers about your process or anything you'd like to encourage them with?
• 21:06
  I would. You know, for many years, I thought I was too far gone. I just felt like I was stuck and maybe I was past that point. So many times I would read the word and I'd feel condemnation when that's not what God was showing me. You're never past the point. There is hope. Jesus died that you would have, that every cell in your body would work in the function that he created to work.
• 21:34
  that every chemical in your brain would be balanced?
• 21:38
  and that you would find freedom from addiction. But he's just using this area right now that you're stuck in to get your attention. He wants to restore you completely. He wants to restore your marriages and your finances and your job and your children and everything that you have lacking. He wants to restore it all. So don't think small. Seek him first. Seek the kingdom of God and all of his righteousness, and everything else will be added unto you. That's beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that.
• 22:07
  And thank you so much for joining us today. This was such a powerful testimony. Yeah, that is good. And I think it encouraged a lot of people listening. Yeah. Thank you for having me. It's been an honor. Thank you. And thank you so much for joining us with iRefresh today. We would love to connect with you on iRefresh.net. We're going to list some resources, so hopefully we can help you or someone else that you know that may be struggling with addiction too. You can follow us on Facebook or Instagram. And until next time, go change the world.