Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why do narcissists send you songs and videos instead of communicating with you?

Transcript

Why do narcissists send you songs and videos instead of communicating with you? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on beautiful people?
• 0:03
  Today we're going to be talking about why narcissists send you
• 0:06
  videos and songs and things like that can to communicate you
• 0:09
  rather than just trying to talk things out.
• 0:11
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:13
  I'm a self aware narcissist and welcome to another episode of
• 0:16
  the Narcissist Code. Welcome back, welcome back,
• 0:35
  welcome back, welcome back. Yes yes yes.
• 0:37
  Narcissistic people, toxic people, a lot of them will
• 0:40
  absolutely send you songs and videos and poems and things like
• 0:45
  that, other people's work in order to try to communicate with
• 0:48
  you and whatnot. So I've done an old video about
• 0:50
  this before, y'all? But of course my thoughts change
• 0:52
  over time. I feel like it's time for an
• 0:54
  update on why narcissistic people do certain things.
• 0:59
  While a lot of narcissist people communicate in certain ways and
• 1:02
  whatnot. And this happens quite a bit to
• 1:04
  people. Y'all, a lot of people ask me
• 1:05
  this question is like, look solely why are they doing, Why
• 1:08
  are they doing what they're doing?
• 1:09
  Like what is going on here? Like what's the dynamic?
• 1:10
  What's the, what's the mindset behind it?
• 1:13
  Like a lot of narcissistic people, right, narcissist or
• 1:17
  whatever don't know how to communicate with you.
• 1:20
  It could be, it could be as simple as that right there,
• 1:22
  y'all. A lot of narcissists do not know
• 1:25
  how to communicate with you in any like communicate their
• 1:28
  emotions in a healthy way. Do it really, really, really
• 1:32
  don't. They really do not know how to
• 1:33
  communicate with you in a healthy way.
• 1:35
  It's it's damn near impossible for them to know how to do it.
• 1:37
  Like to send you a message and community and and have it
• 1:42
  reached the point. So a lot of narcissists, right?
• 1:45
  Instead of being able to voice their opinion or voice their
• 1:47
  emotions, they send you pictures, they send you poems,
• 1:53
  they send you music videos, they send you songs from somebody
• 1:58
  else. They send you somebody else's
• 1:59
  work. It's not theirs, of course, it's
• 2:02
  somebody else's because they don't know how to communicate
• 2:05
  with it. They don't know how to
• 2:06
  communicate in a an emotionally healthy way.
• 2:08
  They don't know how to get, you know, get you through that right
• 2:11
  there. They they don't know how to do
• 2:12
  that type of stuff. So they will sit in order
• 2:14
  instead of like being a human being and sending you something
• 2:19
  like and telling you how they feel.
• 2:21
  They will absolutely rather send you send you a song.
• 2:26
  The reason you know, I really don't know how to communicate
• 2:29
  with you, but please listen to this song.
• 2:31
  Listen to back that ass up by juvenile listen to listen to
• 2:35
  listen to that and that'll tell you exactly how I feel right
• 2:38
  now. Like listen to this song.
• 2:40
  It tells me it tell you exactly how I feel.
• 2:43
  And does that work? Yes, it does work all the time.
• 2:46
  And let me say this as well, because this is what this is
• 2:48
  what happens a lot too when I say this type of stuff, when I
• 2:50
  do this type of video, people like you, like the survivor or
• 2:55
  the driver will say, well, Lee, I send videos, I send pictures
• 2:58
  of mine or says, no, you're not trying to manipulate somebody.
• 3:02
  If you're trying to emotionally manipulate somebody, then we
• 3:05
  need to have a different conversation.
• 3:06
  But if you're just because you don't know how to communicate
• 3:09
  with your narcissistic partner, you might send them a song.
• 3:12
  But because they listen to a music, like you might send them
• 3:14
  a song by their favorite artist, like here's a little Wayne song
• 3:17
  or here's something about Justin Bieber, whoever it is, that's
• 3:20
  different than trying to emotionally manipulate somebody
• 3:22
  because you've hurt them. Here's my apology right here.
• 3:25
  They'll do. They'll like, not only will they
• 3:26
  send you stuff, they'll post it online too.
• 3:29
  You know, they'll post this type of stuff online rather than come
• 3:32
  to you and try to communicate with you in a healthy way.
• 3:33
  They'd rather post that type of stuff online as as opposed to
• 3:38
  coming to you and just trying to talk to you and have a
• 3:40
  conversation with you. They would rather just post it
• 3:43
  online. Like, this is how I feel guys
• 3:45
  and other people, they'll have other people send you the song,
• 3:47
  they'll have other people send you the video send send you the,
• 3:51
  the meme or the poem that they wrote or something like that.
• 3:53
  They'll have other people do it. You know what I mean?
• 3:56
  They'll have other people doing this type of stuff, doing this
• 3:59
  type of behaviors right there, y'all?
• 4:00
  They will have other people doing it for them.
• 4:03
  That's manipulation as well. They would have other people
• 4:06
  sending you songs and videos and things like that.
• 4:08
  Other people sending you. Like I said, they, they, this is
• 4:11
  how to communicate, y'all. It's a method of communicate.
• 4:14
  It's a disconnected method of communication.
• 4:16
  It's damn near almost like sending a text message as
• 4:19
  opposed to calling somebody, you know, it's sending a text
• 4:21
  message as opposed to calling somebody and telling them what
• 4:24
  you, what's really going on and how you really feel is you
• 4:26
  literally almost the equivalent of disconnected sending a text
• 4:29
  message, you know, But this is what a lot of narcissistic
• 4:33
  people will do. This is the mindset, this the
• 4:35
  mentality that goes into it. Like I can do, I can have
• 4:38
  somebody else do the heavy lifting for me.
• 4:40
  I can have Usher do the heavy lifting for me.
• 4:43
  I can have, you know what I mean?
• 4:45
  I can have what's another apology song like I can have
• 4:49
  listen, I've been listening to recently, but I can I can have
• 4:51
  Luke Combs apologize, but I can send you 11 number away and have
• 4:56
  that song resonate with you. That's the first song we we we
• 5:00
  dance to or whatever I can in that and also expresses the
• 5:03
  messages like maybe we shouldn't break up.
• 5:04
  Put the whole put the put the brakes on the moving on.
• 5:07
  You know, I can send you 11 number away.
• 5:09
  We we're one number away from getting married and they they
• 5:11
  haven't. They mean that you talk to mom.
• 5:14
  We're 11 number away for me, not cheating anymore.
• 5:17
  You see what I'm saying? They if they can have somebody
• 5:19
  else do the heavy lifting, why not do it?
• 5:22
  Why not send a song or video and does it work?
• 5:25
  Yes, it's emotional manipulation because you remember this song
• 5:28
  right here when we first met, What was playing Rascal Flatts
• 5:31
  was playing in the bar in Myrtle Beach when we first met.
• 5:33
  When I first asked you to be my girlfriend, you remember that
• 5:37
  this is after they've done something horrible to you.
• 5:41
  So before you like say, I know people will start to quit, but
• 5:43
  Lee, I send those videos, I send one.
• 5:45
  Before you ask that question, ask yourself what's the intent
• 5:48
  behind you sending this stuff? Did you do something horrible?
• 5:52
  Not, not they told you you did something.
• 5:54
  Did you do something horrible? Like no, like not like if you
• 5:59
  found out that they were cheating on you and instead of
• 6:02
  trying them trying to have a conversation with you, they
• 6:05
  abruptly broke up with you and blocked you and everything.
• 6:07
  And now you're the one singing songs and stuff like that to
• 6:09
  tell them how you feel. That's not, that's, that's not a
• 6:12
  bad thing right there. Don't do it because they cheat
• 6:15
  on you. They'll do it again.
• 6:16
  If you're begging them to be back with you after they've done
• 6:18
  something, after they've cheated on you or beat on you or
• 6:20
  whatever they've done, then they'll just do it again.
• 6:23
  There is a you give them a permission structure to do it
• 6:25
  now. You see, it's permission now
• 6:27
  because you called me, you text me.
• 6:29
  You wanted to be here with me, so why would I work hard to
• 6:33
  change my behaviors or change anything if you are going to be
• 6:36
  here calling me and reaching out to me, why would I do that?
• 6:38
  You see what I'm saying? So it's just like, say, if
• 6:41
  you're sitting there, ask yourself, why are you sending
• 6:43
  the songs and videos? That doesn't make you a
• 6:45
  narcissist. Narcissistic people are the ones
• 6:47
  who's cheating on you and beating on you and black in your
• 6:49
  eye and doing things like that. And then sending you a song
• 6:53
  didn't send you a music video, didn't send you a poem, didn't
• 6:56
  send you. They send you a haiku.
• 6:58
  They five, they 575 you to death.
• 7:01
  You know what I mean? They send you a haiku of 575 to
• 7:04
  try to emotionally manipulate you.
• 7:06
  They do this type of stuff to try to get into your head.
• 7:07
  They do this type of stuff to try to get you to drop your
• 7:09
  guard. They do this type of stuff try
• 7:11
  to get back into your good graces.
• 7:13
  Don't let them win. Like I said, don't let songs and
• 7:15
  music videos and things like that work.
• 7:16
  I know. Yeah, I know.
• 7:18
  A lot of y'all in this situation want to know that you matter.
• 7:20
  You want to know that this person cares.
• 7:21
  You want to feel like they care. Sending a song or video or a
• 7:26
  movie or obscure movie reference or meme doesn't mean that they
• 7:31
  care. They care about how they feel.
• 7:33
  They care about their life maybe being uprooted and turned upside
• 7:36
  down. They care about that type of
• 7:37
  stuff. But in the grand scheme of
• 7:38
  things, do they actually care about hurting you and how you
• 7:41
  feel? Probably not.
• 7:43
  You see, that's the mess I'm trying to convey to you right
• 7:45
  here is that this is how people's minds work.
• 7:49
  This is the dynamic, This is the space that so many people fall
• 7:53
  into. And I said I'll be wanting y'all
• 7:55
  to win. I, I, I truly, truly, truly want
• 7:58
  y'all to win. Like, so much.
• 8:01
  So like, that's the point. Like, but you have to want
• 8:04
  yourself to win. So if they're sending you,
• 8:06
  they're, they're bombarding you. They don't just send one.
• 8:09
  If they're bombarding, bombarding you with videos and
• 8:13
  music and TV shows and stuff like this, they're going to try
• 8:16
  to wear you down. They just want a response for
• 8:19
  you. They want you to, they, yeah,
• 8:20
  sometimes they want you to tell them to leave them.
• 8:23
  They want you, especially if you're no contact and they're
• 8:26
  finding a way to try to reach, reach around to you.
• 8:28
  They want you to message them back and tell you to tell you to
• 8:31
  tell them to leave you alone. They want the type of stuff that
• 8:34
  happened right there. Y'all they do.
• 8:37
  So don't let them send songs and videos and stuff like that.
• 8:39
  They mostly manipulate you because it's it's easy.
• 8:41
  Yeah, it's it's a cop. It really is a cop out.
• 8:44
  Think about it from that perspective.
• 8:45
  It's them getting somebody else to do the work for them.
• 8:49
  It's them getting somebody else to do like, like to, to speak
• 8:54
  for them because they can't speak for themselves, because a
• 8:56
  lot of times they don't actually feel it.
• 8:59
  They want somebody else to say the words in their that, that
• 9:01
  are deep in their soul, right? But they themselves don't
• 9:04
  actually feel it, so they can't express it.
• 9:05
  If I don't feel sorry, I can't express sorrow.
• 9:08
  You see, if I don't feel like, if I don't feel guilty, I can't
• 9:12
  express guilt. If I don't feel love, I can't
• 9:14
  express love. You see what I'm saying?
• 9:16
  So they're getting somebody else to do it for them.
• 9:18
  It's kind of like, you know, it's a, they're getting a
• 9:21
  representative. They're sending it.
• 9:22
  It's apology. It's an apology by proxy, which
• 9:26
  is not an apology at all. An apology by proxy is not an
• 9:30
  apology at all. It doesn't count.
• 9:32
  You know, I know it might count to some people like, well, it
• 9:35
  matters to some of us. Yeah.
• 9:36
  We want to know that we matter. You like, just because they send
• 9:39
  you a song or a video or a poem doesn't mean that you matter.
• 9:43
  I promise you. You mean, I'm not trying to make
• 9:45
  you feel bad in this situation right here, but that's the
• 9:47
  mentality, That's the mindset that goes into it.
• 9:49
  A lot of times. They want you to feel certain.
• 9:52
  They want you to feel a certain type of way.
• 9:54
  They want you to. They they, they like it, you
• 9:57
  know, they do like it. They like to have me.
• 10:00
  They feel like they're in control.
• 10:01
  They like to feel like they have this power.
• 10:02
  They like to have this permission structure to treat
• 10:05
  you a certain type of way because they benefit directly
• 10:07
  from it. And you know, narcissistic
• 10:09
  people are going to keep doing things that they feel like they
• 10:13
  benefit from. They absolutely are.
• 10:16
  So I want y'all to win by our cost.
• 10:18
  Like don't let somebody meme you and poem you and video, music
• 10:21
  video you back into your life. Especially if they haven't
• 10:25
  changed their behaviors at all. Like there's been zero behavior
• 10:28
  alterations. They haven't done anything
• 10:30
  differently. They're just sending you music
• 10:32
  videos and stuff like that. I was thinking about you, so I
• 10:35
  decided to send this to you. Blah blah blah, Boo Boo Boo Boo
• 10:37
  B. No, you can win.
• 10:39
  You may. I want you to win it all.
• 10:41
  It may be possible. Yeah, I do have to hop out this
• 10:43
  thing early out. You haven't already.
• 10:45
  Check out my courses in my support group.
• 10:48
  Make sure you subscribe to this channel if you haven't.
• 10:50
  You know, helps reach more people, helps connect and helps,
• 10:52
  you know, grow the channel and connect and help more people.
• 10:54
  It was y'all, mental illness is out.
• 10:56
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 10:58
  I'm extremely grateful for you. Have no idea.
• 11:01
  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 11:03
  to the channel. Helps reach more people and
• 11:05
  click on the screen to watch another video or to browse to
• 11:07
  another playlist. There's also a link on the
• 11:09
  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
• 11:12
  you heal and understand what you've been through.
• 11:14
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
• 11:16
  video.