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22: Facing the False Self · Finding God at Work

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(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Hi, I'm Chris.
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This is Finding God at Work.
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Just a reminder that Finding God at Work
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isn't just a podcast.
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It's also an online course.
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Check it out at findinggodatwork.org.
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Our current series is Meaningful Work, Calling, Formation,
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Service, and Love.
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Have you been to a funeral recently?
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I was just at a funeral this past
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weekend.
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A coworker of mine, her husband, very unexpectedly
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died.
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Really tragic.
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They have a young daughter who's just like
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one or two years old.
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And like I always experience at funerals, while
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I was there, I was just deeply moved
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by people's stories about the kind of person
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that Jason was, in this case, Jason.
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I love hearing those stories, the way that
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people talk about someone they loved, the character
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traits they share, the memories, little quirks of
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personality.
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And it makes me think of a writer
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named David Brooks.
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David Brooks, for a long time, has been
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a columnist at the New York Times, although
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he's retiring from that role this month, I
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believe.
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And he has a contrast to explore between
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what he calls resume virtues and eulogy virtues.
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So resume virtues are the things you would
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put on a resume, your kind of accomplishments,
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your work competencies, etc.
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Whereas eulogy virtues are those things people would
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share at your funeral.
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And he draws this contrast to talk about
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how in our culture, we tend to overvalue
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resume virtues and undervalue eulogy virtues.
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It's like we're so focused on getting ahead,
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becoming more competent, winning, and yet we're not
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focused on what kind of human being am
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I becoming?
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Am I becoming somebody who can love other
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people deeply?
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Am I becoming somebody who can live life
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with freedom and humility and grace?
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When it's the eulogy virtues that really matter,
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right?
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And even for our resumes, even for our
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work lives, it's the eulogy virtues that matter.
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Who we're becoming is that gift that we
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bring to our workplace just as much as
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any other arena of our lives.
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So in our past couple episodes, we've talked
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about humility from a couple different angles, from
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the study of eating humble pie and how
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hard that is, and then why it's hard
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in our last episode, which is that it
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forces us to kind of surrender this project
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of image management.
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It punctures the balloon of the false self,
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deflates that version of ourselves that we like
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to present to others that's better than ourselves
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if we're just honest about our weaknesses and
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our strengths.
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Well, I want to go deeper in that
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idea of that project of the false self
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because if we're able to reckon with our
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false self, if we're able to face our
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false self really specifically, that will actually help
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us puncture the balloon better.
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If we're aware with kind of the shadow
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that we cast as human beings, it will
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help us approach the light more freely.
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So I want to look at a couple
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different passages that will help us here.
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One of them might not seem like it
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has to do with humility, but I think
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it's really helpful.
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And this is Mark chapter 3.
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So before jumping into the passage, I want
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to remind kind of the contrast we looked
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at in the past episode that there's sin,
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which we can repent of, and that eventually
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leads to freedom from shame through repentance and
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receiving God's forgiveness.
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And then there's weaknesses that we have no
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need to be ashamed of.
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And there's actually an invitation from God to
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not be ashamed of our weakness, but to
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just accept them, to be content with them,
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as Paul says in 2 Corinthians chapter 12.
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Okay, bearing that in mind, this is a
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passage about someone with a particular kind of
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weakness.
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So let me just read it and we'll
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come back and look at it.
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So Mark chapter 3 starting in verse 1.
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Again, Jesus entered the synagogue and a man
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was there with a withered hand and they
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watched Jesus to see whether he would heal
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him on the Sabbath so that they might
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accuse him.
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And Jesus said to the man with the
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withered hand, Come here.
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And he said to them, Is it lawful
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on the Sabbath to do good or to
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do harm to save life or to kill?
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But they were silent and he looked around
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at them with anger, grieved at their hardness
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of heart and said to the man, Stretch
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out your hand.
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He stretched it out and his hand was
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restored.
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The Pharisees went out and immediately held council
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with the Herodians against Jesus.
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How to destroy him.
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Okay, there's a lot of kind of dramatic
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tension in this passage.
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We've got these religious leaders, the Pharisees, who
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are skeptical about Jesus.
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The kind of issue at play here is
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whether it's right to heal on the Sabbath
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or not.
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Jesus gets angry.
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This is one of those few places in
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Scripture where we see Jesus described as being
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angry.
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And like in the other place, he's angry
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at people who are getting between the vulnerable
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and God, right?
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So in this situation, he's angry at the
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Pharisees because they care more about their interpretation
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of the Sabbath than about this person getting
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healed.
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Whereas Jesus cares deeply about the man who
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needs a healing.
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So there's this kind of intense drama and
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I want to focus on the experience of
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this man who comes with this need for
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healing.
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So it uses this poetic turn of phrase
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that he has a withered hand.
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It seems to refer to either a paralyzed
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hand or maybe severe atrophy.
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A hand that he can't use the way
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a hand is meant to be used.
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We don't have other details whether this is
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a birth defect or lifelong deformity or maybe
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from an injury or illness of some kind.
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But at any rate, his hand is basically
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lost to him.
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It's like he doesn't have a functional hand.
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And as soon as he comes to the
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synagogue, it's like a spotlight is on him.
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The Pharisees are dialed in looking at him.
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The other people in the synagogue are like,
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what's going to happen because of this conflict
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that's been going on between Jesus and the
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Pharisees?
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He's now the center of attention.
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We don't know.
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That probably was pretty uncomfortable for him.
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Again, this is an honor-shame cultural context
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where people with deformities were sometimes viewed judgmentally.
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Like we think of another passage where Jesus
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heals a blind man and the disciples ask
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him, why is he blind?
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Is it because he sinned or his parents
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sinned?
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Like just this assumption that if there was
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a birth defect, it was because of sin.
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And so being drawn out into the open
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may not be the most comfortable thing for
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this person.
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And what does Jesus say to the man?
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He says, come here.
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So he encourages him, the man who's already
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in the spotlight, to then come even more
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right into the middle of things.
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And then, you know, he has this kind
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of challenge question he gives to the Pharisees.
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And he says to the man, stretch out
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your hand.
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So then the very cause of shame within
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an honor-shame culture, the very focus of
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his weakness, Jesus asks him to bring that
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center stage.
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And the man does.
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He stretched it out and his hand was
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restored.
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Now, I think this man illustrates a lot
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of virtues here.
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He illustrates faith, like others who come to
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Jesus for healing.
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He illustrates courage by braving this social conflict
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that he's in the middle of, kind of
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taking the side of Jesus, even though there
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are powerful authorities that oppose Jesus by coming
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and getting this healing.
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But he also demonstrates humility because he has
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a weakness.
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He has a cause for weakness.
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And instead of hiding that, he brings it
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out into the open.
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And it's when he brings it out into
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the open that Jesus is able to heal
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it, that Jesus is able to minister to
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him and bring change.
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I think there's a paradigm here for us
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as we think about our false self.
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The false self project, it's projecting a version
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of ourselves that other people see so that
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they can't see the real self with its
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weaknesses.
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It's a way of hiding our weakness.
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Or to use another biblical metaphor, covering our
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nakedness.
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So in our last episode, we looked briefly
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at Genesis chapter 2 and how God, his
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intention for Adam and Eve before sin was
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they were naked and they were not ashamed,
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this beautiful statement.
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But then what do Adam and Eve do
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after they sin?
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As they begin to feel shame, this is
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chapter 3 verse 8.
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And they heard the sound of the Lord
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God walking in the garden in the cool
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of the day.
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And the man and his wife hid themselves
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from the presence of the Lord among the
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trees of the garden.
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So the immediate move for Adam and Eve
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when they feel this shame is to hide.
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So they don't want God to see them,
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right?
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Now, how does God respond?
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But the Lord God called to the man
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and said to him, Where are you?
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Again, it's parallel with that call of Jesus,
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come here.
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Stretch out your hand.
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Where are you?
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God's calling them to come into the light
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rather than to hide.
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And Adam said, I heard the sound of
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you in the garden and I was afraid
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because I was naked and I hid myself.
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And God said, who told you that you
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were naked?
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Okay, we see the gentleness of God here.
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He already knows where Adam and Eve are,
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but he asks them, where are you?
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He gives them the dignity even in this
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moment of judgment and shame to name where
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they are, why they were hiding, what's going
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on.
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And we know that Adam and Eve, they
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didn't want to be seen.
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They were already beginning this project of the
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false self.
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Those fig leaves of the false self protecting
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them.
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And I want to go to an author
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who kind of works on this exact metaphor,
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David G.
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Benner from his wonderful book, The Gift of
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Being Yourself.
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He says this, like Adam and Eve, our
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first response to our awareness of nakedness is
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to grab whatever is closest and quickly cover
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our nakedness.
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We hide behind the fig leaves of our
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false self.
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This is the way we package ourself to
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escape the painful awareness of our nakedness.
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The problem with the false self is that
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it works.
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It helps us to forget that we are
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naked.
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Before long, we are no longer aware of
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the underlying vulnerability and become comfortable once again.
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But God wants something better than fig leaves
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for us.
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God wants us to be aware of our
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helplessness so that we can know that we
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need divine help.
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God's deepest desire for us is to replace
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our fig leaves with garments of durability and
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beauty.
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Yet we cling to our fig leaf false
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self.
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We believe that we know how to take
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care of our needs better than God.
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Oh, it's a powerful image, almost eviscerating the
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way it just rings true for me.
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Like, oh, yeah, I know what it's like
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to get out those fig leaves of the
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false self.
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I think I know how to take care
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of myself better than God knows how to
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take care of me.
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That rings really true for me.
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Does it ring true for you?
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And if so, how does that interplay with
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your life in the workplace?
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I think that work often is an occasion
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for us to pursue the project of the
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false self, right?
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We use our work in order to shore
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up our false self or to prop it
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up, right?
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We're using our work projects to sew together
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fig leaves.
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So we use our work to look competent.
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We use our work to get respect.
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We use our work to look like we
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have it all together.
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That, at least, is definitely my tendency.
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So in this way, not only does our
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work distort our true self, right?
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It distorts how we present ourselves to others.
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But also, our false self distorts our work.
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Like Arthur Brooks said, he quoted this in
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a previous episode, the pretension and image maintenance
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are extremely taxing work and demand a lot
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of energy.
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All of that time and energy that we're
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putting into this project of getting other people
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to perceive a certain way is energy that
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we don't have to do the work we're
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supposed to be doing.
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And it's actually incredibly freeing if we don't
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have to worry about that project.
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If we're just able to accept our weaknesses,
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then we can apply all of that mental
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energy just like doing the work at hand.
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And so we see that whenever we use
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work for the project of our false self,
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we actually distort the work.
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We're unable to engage the work in the
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freedom of humility, which is the way we're
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meant to engage it.
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So it is a zero-sum game in
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that sense.
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It's not like we can have our cake
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and eat it too.
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It's not like we can employ our work
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in the project of the false self and
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also excellently do the work of the way
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we were meant to do it.
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No, no, no, no, no.
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In as much as we are using our
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work to image-manage, to project a certain
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false self, to get other people to think
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about us in a certain way, in as
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much as we use our work to do
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that, we are also failing to be faithful
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in our work itself.
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So I just wanted to give an example
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of this.
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And I've shared a lot in recent episodes
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about my experience with depression.
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I used to always try and project a
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view of myself as having just kind of
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like positive affect all the time.
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I'm always happy.
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It's always great.
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I never have problems.
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And that was a version of my false
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self.
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And I would do that at work.
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And part of why I did that at
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work is I didn't want people to assume
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that my work would suffer because of my
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depression.
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Now, the reality, as I've shared, is that
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my work does suffer because of my depression.
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I am not able to get as much
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done when I'm depressed.
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And so what ended up happening, right, is
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I'd be projecting this false self of happy,
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clappy Chris at all times, not admitting that
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I was depressed to my boss or my
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colleagues or even to myself, trying to establish
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my sense of self-worth by how much
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I was getting done while having a hard
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time getting it done because of my depression.
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And so I'd be straining to try and
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get my work done, get my work done,
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get my work done, get my work done,
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and to be impressive to the people around
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me and not be vulnerable to the people
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around me.
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And you know what that did to my
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work relationships?
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I mean, I was really cranky and uninterruptible
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because I wasn't being like emotionally authentic, right?
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People would be like, how are you doing,
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Chris?
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I'm like, I'm doing great, right?
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Also, I don't have time to talk to
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you because I need to go get this
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project done, right?
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I wasn't able to be gracious to people.
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If somebody came and interrupted me, I would
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kind of, you know, not necessarily super rudely,
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but in those kind of nonverbal ways and
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communicate, like, can this conversation be as short
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as possible, please?
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Because I got some work I got to
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do.
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And then in the back of my mind,
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and I know that I'm kind of not
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doing it very quickly because of how slowly
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I'm moving through the day.
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So this cranky, not very relationally present, not
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very gracious version of myself is all that
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I could offer people.
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While I was ironically trying to project a
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false self version of like uber competent Chris.
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What I've discovered since is when I'm honest
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about my depression with my boss, with my
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colleagues, you know, like my colleague Johnny came
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over to me recently and he's like, Chris,
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how are you doing?
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And I'm like, I gotta be honest.
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There's no sunlight today and it's rough, you
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know, like that little moment of transparency and
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vulnerability.
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It builds trust with my teammates because they
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know that I'm being honest when I don't
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have to be it.
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It's emotionally authentic rather than this kind of
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fake projected a happy clappy thing.
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And also because I'm able to like plan
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around the work that I'm doing.
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I don't find myself overwhelmed with work that
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I can't get on.
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It's like my boss and I figure out
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how to pace my project so that they
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are getting done, right?
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Because we know that this is going to
16:28
be a hard time of year for me.
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And so actually, ironically, it's when I admit
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my weakness that I actually become a more
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competent worker, right?
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I'm actually able to do my work more
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faithfully with greater integrity, with greater emotional honesty,
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with greater trust in my team, which helps
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the work be better in many different ways
16:48
when I'm honest about my weaknesses.
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So again, you can't have your cake and
16:54
eat it too.
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It's not like, oh, I'm predicting the false
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self, but at least I'm being a really
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good worker.
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Using our work in the project of the
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false self distorts the work itself.
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And the way out, as we talked about,
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is humility.
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The way out is simply to own.
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I am weak in this way.
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And when you do that, you'll find that
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there's incredible fruit, not just for your soul,
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but for your work too.
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Lord Jesus, thank you that you give us
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a way out of the trap of the
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false self project.
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Show us how to just own our weaknesses
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and to enter into the freedom you intend
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for us in our work and in the
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rest of life.
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Jesus, do your work in us as we
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do our work with you.
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Amen.
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Thanks for listening.
17:42
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17:44
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