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Glenn S Cohen · Postcards to the Universe

0:10
Welcome to Postcards to the Universe with Melissa Capria. Do you believe in magic?
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What if you were told that all you had to do was get a
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little creative and work a magic spell to bring anything you can imagine into your
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life. Here on Postcards to the Universe, we will share manifesting tips,
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postcards, creativity, abundance, and prosperity. Here's your host, Melissa Capria.
0:40
Hey everybody, and welcome to Postcards to the Universe with Melissa Creating the
0:44
life you create. It's Wednesday, my favorite day of the week. I
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love doing my show. I always have the most interesting guests, in my
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opinion, the most interesting conversations. But that's just me, and today is
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nosh different. I have a really interesting guest, neurological life coach and author
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Glenn Cohen. And Glenn is going to join me here in just a couple
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of minutes. I just want to say a shout out to all my regulars.
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I love you, Thank you for listening, thank you for your emails.
1:15
It means the world to me. If you're tuning in for the first
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time, I want to say welcome. I hope you keep coming back,
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Just to let you know that the show is recorded live, and if you
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like the show and you want to listen to other shows, you can do
1:32
that at any time because we put the show up on my website Postcards to
1:37
the Universe dot com under podcasts and All Times Radio also puts all the shows
1:42
up in their archives, so you can listen to any show at any time
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you like. And I hope you go back and listen to some other shows
1:49
and tell your friends just a little bit about me. I'm an artist,
1:53
I'm a photographer, I'm an author. I have a book titled Postcards the
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Universe, Harness the Universe's power and manifest your dreams, and I talk all
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about manifesting. I photographed all the images in the book, and people sent
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me a manifesting postcard, which is sort of like a mini vision board,
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and I would photograph it, and when their manifestation became the reality, I
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shared their stories. So there's thirty of those in the book. And I
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have lots of writing exercises and fun manifesting games to manifest in areas of love
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and health and career and abundance. And you know, when we get to
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you talking to my guests today, there's a lot of reasons why we have
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issues manifesting those things that we want or we say we want. Instead,
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we're usually manifesting a lot of the things we don't want. And Glenn is
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going to really help us understand why that happens when we look at our lives.
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And that's why he's a neurological life coach, because there's a lot of
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stuff going on underneath that we I don't really realize, and once we do
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and we can shift and correct those things and look at ourselves more deeply,
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it opens the door to be able to manifest the abundance in all those areas
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that we want. We always want more abundance in our life, right,
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More love, more, more money on better health, better relationships. So
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it's going to be it's really interesting, and just so that you guys know,
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each week I share what I call a magical message, which is a
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postcard I received, I photograph it, and there's always an affirmation that goes
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along with the postcard. In this week's is I built a community of love
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and we all want to do that, right, We all want to build
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our individual community surrounded by love. And you can find all of those I
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post them each week across all my social medias, and I started reading doing
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live readings from my book, which you can also follow along on the social
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media. They're like, I've been Eclipse. I decided I wanted to read
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the book online. It's coming up on five years in November. I can't
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even believe it. And I rephotographed the postcards in the book and I'm reading
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the stories. So I really hope that you join me, and if you're
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there, you know, say hi, let me know that you stop by,
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and I have a couple of workshops I do. I'm not going to
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get into it because I really want to talk to Glenn, but you can
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find out about those on postcards to the universe dot com. And I hope
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that I see you there too. All right, let me get to my
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guests, because it's really it's really some interesting stuff here. So Glenn as
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Cohen. He's a master neurological life coach and he's the founder of the Center
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for Neurological Intelligence, and he has helped thousands of individuals and couples by guiding
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them to heal they're unresolved neurological wounding. We all have wounds, right.
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Cohen has authored two ground, groundbreaking books that present his practical learnings into a
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step by step process to gain neurological intelligence and master your inner worlds. Neurological
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Intelligence Volume one, An Owner's Manual for the Human Operating System, and Neurological
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Intelligence Volume two. Strategies and Tools to Heal and Grow are a new and
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are new and practical approaches tapping into human consciousness to heal the human system.
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Gaining neurological intelligence begins with how our nervous systems are formed and programmed and why
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it operates on repeating patterns that often cause us to experience disconition, disconnection,
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pain, and suffering. This begins with what Cohen calls the reclaiming journey.
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As readers take these steps, they will have a better understanding of how their
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inner worlds work through the thoughts and behaviors they discover in themselves. They will
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learn new tools and practice innovative techniques to gain clarity and flexibility in order to
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grow into the next highest version of themselves. So, if you want to
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follow up, if you want to learn more, which I highly recommend you
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do because in the last week I've been going through the books, so they're
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really like I said, super interesting, and I've gotten a lot of aha
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moments. Go to w I'm gonna spell it out for you since we're on
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radio www dot Center, c E N T R Foreign f O r NI
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dot com. Welcome Glenn, thanks so much for being here with me today.
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Oh, thank you so much for inviting me, Melissa. Oh this
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is really it's so interesting because what I do is I you know, I'm
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on the fun end of it, right, I'm on the end like after
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you've done the work and you want to manifest and it's fun and like I
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put magic and you know, we sprinkle stardus, we send them to the
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universe and all that stuff about what people want to manifest. But people don't
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realize is that we're always attracting back into us right where we are, and
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and a lot of people don't realize there's so much subconscious programming running that's blocking
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those beautiful things that we want because we have unresolved emotions that were still holding
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on too from our childhood. So with saying that, I'm going to let
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you share with us how you got into this work and what you know,
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what facilitated you wanting to write the books? Well, it really began in
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my childhood. I went through a lot of neurological wounding in childhood, adolescens,
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and through my adult life, and beginning around nineteen ninety eight through two
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thousand and two, the universe kept trying to wake me up all the decades
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before, but of course I wasn't listening, so it made sure I paid
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attention by sending me down into a dark night of soul extended time period.
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And it was through all that pain and suffering that in July two thousand and
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three, for some reason, I went to learn into Nobles and was looking
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through the self help section and I found Tony Robbin's book Awakened the Giant Within,
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and I read it, and while I was reading it, it came
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to me what my life purpose was. So throughout that whole multiple years of
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suffering, there was a voice inside of me that kept saying, this is
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all happening for a reason. Keep going, you'll know why. And I
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kept hearing it. And when I read that book, it came to me
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that all the pain and suffering I had been through was to learn all I
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could from all the masters out there to heal myself, but also to find
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a way to effectively help others through that process. And so it took quite
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a while, but I just studied everybody I could, and I started cherry
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picking what I felt was relevant, and through the years of working with all
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these people, adding stuff, the leading stuff, and then I got these
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whiteboards and I started drawing it all out. And then in July twenty twenty,
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another voice came to me and said, you're done, start writing,
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And that's when I started, Wow, No, it's really and I love
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that you give us writing exercises and practical tools in the books, like you
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know, so that we can really get clear on what our neurological wounds maybe,
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and can you just share with people listening, like, what do you
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mean when you say a neurological wound? So a neurological wound is really a
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memory that at the time of the incident. It could be a moment,
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or it could be a period of time were you not able to express your
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emotions, you were not able to preprocess it in an empowered way, because
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it became disempowered and you weren't able to reintegrate back into your nervous system in
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a healthy functional way. So when we get overwhelmed it could metaphorically fracture the
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nervous system and it becomes an implicit memory that does not integrate with explicit memory.
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And inside that memory are the perceptions, the motions, the beliefs,
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and body sensations of mescle movement inherent in that memory. And it's unconscious and
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it's just floating around in space in the universe, inside of our system.
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And then ten twenty thirty years later, we have an experience, a perception
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of experience, and it brings that right back to the present moment, and
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we don't know it's from the past, and we think it's right then and
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there. So relating it to the manifesting is, if you have a disempowered
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belief that is still part of your deeper programming inside your human operating system,
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it's going to be challenging to actually get what you want because really the belief
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is focus on what you don't want, not what you do want, absolutely
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absolutely, And I talk about that a lot, and I talk about that
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in the book too, that you can you know, you can say as
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many affirmations as you want. I talk about affirmations a lot. You can
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make the as many posts you can make a postcard a day for ten years.
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But if you don't believe you deserve you feel unworthy or you're not lovable,
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or you don't deserve it, it's not coming, doesn't matter, right,
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So we have to change those beliefs. And that's the deep inner work
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that you call us to take action to look and look inward. And you
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talk a lot about that in the book about how it usually comes from it.
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Oh, mostly comes from relationships, right like any and it doesn't have
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to be real romantic, but very often romantic relationships will trigger our emotional wounds.
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And the emotional wounds happen when we're children and we don't have the emotional
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intelligence to process it, right, A lot of it, A lot of
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them. Yeah, And I don't use the term emotional wounds because it limits
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it. Neurological wounds encompass emotions, but also how you made sense of things,
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the beliefs and the meanings you assign. So that's why I use that
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term neurological wounding, because it encompasses more than just the emotions. It's how
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you perceive it, made sense of it in the first nanosecond that sensory data.
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Because we really are sensory data machines. And that's where my belief is.
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Affirmations are great, but if you don't use the tools we have inside
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for how the unconscious mind really communicates, which is sensory data, which are
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non verbal cues. And you if you add the sensory data component to the
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affirmation, it's like you know, jet fuel, it's putting it on steroids.
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Yeah, yeah, no, that makes that makes total sense, right
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because you even say that, you know, two people can be raised in
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the same family and have come out and experiencing things very differently. You know,
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two people can have the same thing happen to them, and neurologically,
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one person carries that wound for the rest of their life until far into adulthood
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and it affects the relationships, and the other person processes it but doesn't carry
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it into their adulthood. So there's a lot of components there and reasons why.
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That is what you go into great detail with us in your books.
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So how do okay, So this would be the easiest way to ask it.
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How do we know for the adults that are listening, that we have
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a neurological wound? What would our life kind of be showing us to give
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us an indication that that's happening. Probably the best way of knowing that is,
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do you ever get triggered where your nervous system activates your body? You
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feel so uncomfortable and the next day you look back on it and go,
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why did I feel that way? You know? What was? You know?
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And the intimate love relationships is number one trigger. Your children are the
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second biggest trigger. So wherever your most vulnerable is where those wounds can be
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triggered. So I like to say in the book, it's like when we
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get triggered above a certain level, we start acting like a child, a
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reptile, and we shift into a different personality in order to protect the wounded
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aspect of self. Right right, So before the show, I asked Glenn
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if he would be willing and he said yes, to use me, since
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I'm your host, as an example to help people understand, you know,
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what we're talking about. So is that all right, Glenn if I kind
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of share a little bit of my backstory with you, I would love that.
15:24
Thank you so much. Okay, So I come I'm the oldest of
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three. I come from an Italian family, a big extended family, Italian
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family. My parents been married over fifty years. Very emotional, very codependent,
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very loud, very passionate, very loving. When the fights are big,
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they're big, but the love is big. My mom had me when
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she was very young. By the time she was twenty three, she had
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me and my sister. My sister was born developmentally disabled. She also had
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health issues when she was a baby. She had to have open heart surgery
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at a year old, and when she grew up she had a lot of
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behaviors and a lot of acting out and stuff. Then my youngest sister was
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born. She was born many years after it. Well, like she's wore
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ten years apart, so she was born ten years after me because I don't
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my mom wasn't going to have any more children because of my sister Tony.
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So my whole life was chaos, chaos, chaos, chaos, putting out
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fires, chaos, lots of love, but always something, always something right.
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And two years ago my sister Tony, the one who was disabled,
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passed away. The year before that, she had a choking accident. She
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had a track for a year. Now she passed away. My parents have
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been grieving. My parents, thankfully are still alive. My youngest sister and
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her brother, my brother in law. They extended on my parents house.
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Everybody lives together. I'm with them on the weekends. A lot is a
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lot. We're together a lot. And I have always been the child my
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mom said, I was born a little adult. I was really smart,
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very independent from being a child. And I am the kind of person that
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if there's a I run towards, like a fight or flight, I'm fight.
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I run toward chaos to help to take you know what I mean too.
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Because I was the oldest and I was always helping and my sister,
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there was a lot of stuff that happened which I wouldn't go into detail because
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it would be hours with my sister Tony. And now, as an adult,
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many years later, I have We've established strong boundaries. I have created
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my own space as my little sanctuary. Oh but just to backtrack to that,
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so any relationship that I brought into my life, the then that I
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brought into my life, I was the one that took care of them emotionally,
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right, Because I'm the one that takes care of everybody emotionally. I
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was a little adult. I was an adult at three when my sister was
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born, so I see the patterns. I see why I attracted the relationships.
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I see what happened, and I learned how to take care of myself,
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my own emotional needs. And when I would ask my partners to help
18:26
me, that's when they would shut down. So I would attract and avoidant
18:30
and they would shut down, and then I would go, see, well,
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now I got to take care of my own needs. Right. It's
18:37
always been that way, so I'm aware of it. I've been working on
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all of that stuff, and I've established great boundaries my parents. I'm very
18:45
open with my feelings. They know, and I never wanted to put anything
18:49
on my parents because they always had so much to deal with. But now
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as an adult, I noticed now that I have my little sanctuary created and
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I've done a lot of healing work that when my family calls me or textes
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me, I get a tightness in my sternum, like between my heart and
19:08
my stomach, because my first thought is what do they need? And That's
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where I'm at now, even though I'm done so much healing work and so
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much forginness work, but I still that's my first triggered response because it's usually
19:30
them asking me for something. They need something, can I help? And
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it happens with my sister too, my youngest sister, because so but I
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don't do that to them very often. I don't. So all right,
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now go ahead tell me what would you say? I'm your client and this
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is where I'm at. Well, you just gave me a plateful. If
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you really look at neurological wounding, there's two components. Really, there's two
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components, the energy and the information. So we break it down simplistically,
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the majority is energy. So there are three states of being, which are
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chaos on one end of the spectrum, rigidity on the other, and flexibility
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in the middle. So it seems like you grew up in a very household
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with a lot of chaos energy. Yes, So people who do that can
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go one of two ways. And what it sounds like the direction you went
20:42
is to manage to control your environment in order to keep your inner world comfortable.
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So when the unconscious mind feels uncomfortable, it always wants to get back
20:53
to comfort, and then it devises strategies in order to get there. So
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my guess is that a lot of that chaos energy you internalize, because come
21:07
on, you can't make waves. You're there to take care of everybody and
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make everything better. So that energy got stuck in your sternum, so it
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becomes a hyper vigilant alarm system. Yes, so that energy really is not
21:22
about today, has nothing to do with your parents or your family. It's
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the memory of what those little girls went through that is still stuck in implicit
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memory that gets triggered and comes back into your awareness without your knowing about it.
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Because you don't retrieve implicit memory, it retrieves you. So when the
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second you see a text or get a call, immediately you get that body
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sensation that is your early warning alarm system for you to go inside and notice
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those little girls and then create a secure attachment bomb with them, because I'd
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imagine it would be difficult for you have gone through that chaos, and particularly
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having a younger sister with a disability, and your parents, God bless them,
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they didn't know what to do. You know, they were probably activating
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themselves. She needed a lot of attention. So when you look at the
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primal attachment needs of safety, certainly in trust, those were probably threatened by
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you from your unconscious mind. You know, it doesn't matter whether it's real
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or imagine that's irrelevant. It's whatever you perceive, that's all that matters.
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And one of the biggest evaluators of these wounds, particularly in childhood and adult
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life, is can someone answer the primary attachment question with a yes? And
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that question is are you there for me the way I need you when I
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need you the most? And I would assume with everything going on to parents,
23:03
you would not have been able to answer that a lot of times during
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that time, which would activate another system. That's true. Yeah, sure,
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So it's a reconnection to self to allow yourself to sit with that activation,
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breathe it out, and then ask some curious questions to go inside,
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and it's called reclaiming self and really connect with those little girls. And I
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usually do it in a meditation form where people close their eyes and go inside
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and we use the neurological instruments, active imagination, sensory data to help release
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and reprocess the experiences. Does that make sense? Yeah, that makes a
23:52
lot of sense. So you would walk a client through a meditation where I
23:59
would well, are you talking me through? Are you? Would you be
24:03
talking me or the client through the meditation asking them to go back to a
24:08
certain time when they could you know that they felt that they were triggered where
24:15
the original wound happened. Is that how you the process that you do?
24:22
Yeah, so I called as you read the book, you can know I'm
24:25
a severe acronym junkie. So I call them semi strategic intentional meditative experience.
24:30
So it's very st I call it neurological surgery. It's very strategic, and
24:36
it's a multi step process where we identify some of the more encompassing nubs and
24:44
like I said, it doesn't have to be a specific time a moment in
24:47
time. It could be a you know, a one two year time period
24:51
and then leading my clients. So a very strategic process in a meditation where
25:00
they drop downstairs because if your brain is trying to analyze, logicalize, or
25:06
rationalize, you can't get there. So you have to shut up upstairs and
25:11
go downstairs. And the quote I use is you have to let go of
25:15
the present in order to let go of the past. Right, Well,
25:21
it makes sense that you wouldn't necessarily know it because I wasn't even three yet
25:25
when my sister Tony was born, and I imagine my twenty three year old
25:30
mother, my twenty eight year old father, being so young themselves, having
25:33
two children, the fear that they must have felt, and then my sister
25:40
having health issues and having to have surgery. She was born with a whole
25:42
in one of the arteries to her heart. I must have absorbed that energy.
25:48
Now, of course I don't remember that, you know, I don't
25:52
know. I'm not going to memory of that. Yeah, I'm not going
25:53
to. So I must have absorbed their energy. I mean, I think
25:57
of what I was like in my twenties and the thought of having having to
26:03
deal with that, you know, is just incredible. So yes, it
26:07
makes sense that. Then, you know, anybody who's listening, we're going
26:12
to be coming up to a break here in just a minute, and we'll
26:15
talk more. Think about something that keeps showing up in your life, and
26:21
if you can consciously think of maybe somewhere in your childhood where you were wounded
26:29
or you know, we're five years old, you know, something happened,
26:33
maybe there was abuse, anything, and maybe that is what is causing the
26:40
issues that you're having right now in your life, especially in your relationships.
26:42
So think about that. Let's take our break now, and then Glenn,
26:45
you and I will talk more when we come back. All right, everybody's
26:48
stay tuned and we'll be back in just a couple of minutes. Conscious Media
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Creating the life you crave. At four pm Eastern Time, I share chips
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guests, trailblazers, mystics and creatives who enrich our lives. Hey, everybody,
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and welcome back if you're just joining me. I have Neurological Life CAD
30:00
coach and author Glenn cohen On as my guest, and we're talking basically from
30:04
his the work that he does in his last his two books that I just
30:10
finished this week, which are pretty amazing, and we were sharing a little
30:12
bit of my family dynamic as an example. So you talk about in your
30:18
book the and I thought this was really really interesting. You called it the
30:27
color. You say, what empowerment or disempowerment. What's the color of your
30:30
rainbow? So we all have that running in our in our psychees, in
30:36
our minds. So what do you mean by that? So if you if
30:42
you are let's say, eighty percent not wounded, twenty percent wounded, that
30:48
eighty percent wound not wounded is going to process century data in the present moment
30:56
more from an empowered place. Okay, So when we look at our human
31:02
operating system as sensory data comes in. The very first filter that that sensory
31:08
data goes through, or what I call references, and references are single words
31:15
good, bad, when, lose, safe, danger, fair, unfair,
31:22
where our perception. We're going to look back and through our entire database
31:30
to see if something is uniquely similar and if so, whether it's green or
31:37
red. We're going to take that and then build that for how we make
31:41
sense of our perception, which arise at the meaning we assign, which evokes
31:48
the emotion we feel. Okay, so if you are signing, you'll know
31:56
if it's a disempowered meaning by your emotions right, right, like like it
32:00
shows up red, like it doesn't last. It just shows up there for
32:06
an instant and then it'll be fine and then it goes. But there's still
32:09
some stuff there that obviously I need to reclaim because when you read that,
32:16
yeah, when you read that text and you feel that that energy in your
32:21
sam right, obviously the sign a disempowered meaning to you receiving that text right
32:30
exactly exactly, Because I've done so much inner work over the last god at
32:35
least five years that I've healed so many things and there's no resentment. I
32:39
don't have any resentment. It's not that I'm carrying any of that. But
32:44
there still is something that's disempowering. Obviously, my body's telling me that,
32:51
right, So there's more work for me to do. And I always believe
32:54
that we're a work in progress, right, We're always working to heal ourselves.
33:00
So whatever's going on in your body, wouldn't you find that be a
33:05
good indicator to let you know something's going on if you have something showing up
33:08
in your body. Yes, but I'll qualify that by saying so. Another
33:15
one of my acronyms is the NSI nervous system index zero ten. So if
33:21
the intensity of that sensation is a two three, you know what, Welcome
33:28
to the human race. That's just being human. You know, we're all
33:30
get triggered. It's fine, right, you know, right, But if
33:34
it gets up to around five, and particularly when we cross six, When
33:37
you cross six is when you hit the brainstem fight flight freeze, right,
33:43
And that's when you have a challenge managing your inner world. So I go
33:49
by the law of eighty twenty that we strive for one hundred, we're grateful
33:52
for eighty and we're always going to try to manage that in between twenty because
33:57
we're always going to be imperfect. There's no such thing total healing. If
34:00
this doesn't happen, right, but if we can, we can decrease the
34:06
sensitivity of the wound. So it's you know, when you get triggered,
34:09
it's a two three. You know what, Great, that's about the best
34:14
you can do. Yeah, you said something interesting in your book and you
34:19
said that if if we are triggered, let's say a six and above,
34:23
uh uh, there's something in there may be something in us that we don't
34:30
want to look at, you know, like when we when we have if
34:35
something happens, then we always blame the other person. Right, Oh,
34:37
they're this way, they're this way, they did that, they did that.
34:40
They're a bully, they're mean, they're this, they're this, and
34:44
we're super triggered. You you tell you ask us to look at ourselves.
34:47
Right? Is it is that true that we always are carrying something if we're
34:52
that triggered about it? Well, not always, because nothing is always.
34:58
Now it's somebody's face, you ay, well, web around the house.
35:02
Then it's okay to go above a six. So right, it's all about
35:08
you know, if the content fixed the context and great, right, that's
35:14
very rare that reality matches your reactivity. So the vast majority time going above
35:21
a six is usually about yourself, right, and it's the doorway for you
35:27
to explore. And then once you cross six, that's when your pods,
35:31
your personalities of offense and the defensive strategies come out to protect. And then
35:37
we start acting like somebody else. And if we're adult and in a relationship,
35:42
then the partner goes, who are you? What happened to you?
35:45
Yes, that is very true. And the pods do you claimed I mean
35:52
that you wrote about right in the sense that you tell us like the characteristics
35:55
of the different pods. I mean, there could be more than one,
35:59
but you give you give us a nice breakdown of the pods in the book,
36:04
and they're just that's a collection over the years that have the common ones.
36:07
There's so many more that people can just label themselves. But when we
36:12
look at the end of the world, there's three aspects. We have the
36:15
unresolved little ones I call them nubs, neurological unresolved bundles, and we have
36:20
our pods that protect them. But then we have the highest self. I
36:23
call mel the mindful ee powered leader. And it's so important to really to
36:29
associate that part of us in order to do the healing work. Yes,
36:36
so, and you and I thought this, I thought, I love this
36:39
chapter is the sensory programming model. Are you mindful of your mind? Because
36:45
they don't think most of us are mindful of our mind? So can you
36:49
talk a little bit about that? Well, it is said that we have
36:55
seventy thousand thoughts a day and eighty percent of them are the same adjuster that
37:00
so if you are running a pattern where a lot of those words really are
37:05
read disempowered, you know you're you're almost an autopilot. So your software has
37:12
not been updated. You know, if you look at our phones and our
37:15
computers, we update them all the time. But has anybody really looked at
37:22
the software of their unconscious mind to update it and take out any viruses that
37:28
could be hampering how we make sense of things in the present moment based off
37:32
of whatever beliefs or associated and become filters for it. So, to be
37:37
mindful of your mind is really looking at yourself and going is that. I
37:45
keep it simple so you can always ask yourself a very simple question, is
37:47
this serving me or causing me to suffer in some way? Yeah? Yeah,
37:53
it's not really serving right, keep it Yeah, yeah, it's really
37:59
that simple, because we don't And I'm sure you have with the because you
38:02
see you take clients and you see people coming to you with issues. But
38:07
you know those people that are always complaining, right, they always have a
38:10
problem. Wherever they go, whoever they run into, whatever they do,
38:15
there's always an issue. There's always a problem. And so usually I will
38:20
say to that person, if I trust they have enough trust in me and
38:25
trust in them, who is the common denominator in this situation? Right you
38:31
are? So maybe what's going on? You know? And I don't think
38:37
many people. I'm noticing more and more people are are starting to look in
38:42
the mirror at themselves and ask themselves these questions. Are you finding that,
38:46
over the years of you doing this work, that more people are open to
38:50
this? Now, yes, without a doubt, and people that run that
38:55
particular pattern, it's very common in our adult lives. The two primary attachment
39:02
needs are significance and connection. So if somebody is going around telling a very
39:08
significant story that places them in a victim role and then other people are listening.
39:16
They're getting those needs met, but it's not serving them, it's causing
39:20
them to suffer. It's a very common pattern. Yeah, yeah, I
39:24
know that. Yeah, I remember reading that and I thought that really makes
39:29
sense. Yes, because in some way it is serving them, right,
39:32
they're getting a connection with somebody else, even though it's just that they're complaining,
39:36
complaining and complaining getting their needs met in a dissempowered way, in a
39:43
disempowered way. Yeah. Talk a little bit about attachment styles, because that
39:47
is a word that many people don't really understand that we all have attachment styles,
39:53
Uh, the way we attach to other people. Can you share a
39:55
little bit about that. Sure. So attachment theory is really about it begins
40:05
at the first eighteen months of life. That's the first stage of development of
40:08
a child's life. Half the population approximately comes out with a secure attachment where
40:15
their nervous system. They're able to manage their nervous system so when they get
40:21
dysregulated they can resothe themselves. The other half of the population is insecure attachment
40:29
and is three variations. One is anxious, the other one's avoidant, and
40:35
the other one's disorganized. Who bounces back and forth between anxious and avoidant.
40:39
So interestingly, when you get into adult life and an insecure attachment is still
40:45
within you, you usually find somebody with an opposite style of insecure attachment to
40:52
hook up with. Yeah, And so the journey, the real journey of
40:57
being mindful to mind is are the attachment style you have with yourself as an
41:02
adult? Do you have a secure attachment with yourself? And that's really a
41:08
key question for people. Where can you manage your in a world that when
41:15
you get triggered you can come back down pretty quickly, you can self soothe,
41:19
Yeah, and evaluate how you got there and own your in a world
41:23
and not point your finger outward but pointed at yourself. Yeah. Now do
41:30
you know what? Well, now you probably, I'm sure you do know
41:32
what was your attachment style before you have done all this work on yourself?
41:38
Oh? I was disorganized attachment. I would be anxious in one situation,
41:44
avoided in the other. And I was like a finball machine going back and
41:47
forth. And did you attract other romantic relationships where the opposite of that?
41:54
Absolutely? Yeah? Yeah, oh yes, I was probably put to the
42:00
ringer. I noticed that happens a lot like, if you're very codependent and
42:07
you have abandonment issues, you will attract a person who is avoidant so that
42:14
you can heal that. Right, isn't that what they're why we're coming together.
42:19
It's to bring these things up so that we can heal these neurological wounds.
42:24
Yeah, which is interestingly the main focus of volume three, which will
42:30
come out later the summer, which is for couples and a Guide to Emotionally
42:39
Loving Relationships, And the first third of the book talks about the imago attachment
42:45
complex for why we seek out unconsciously seek out the partners we want, and
42:52
one of the quotes from it is the primary purpose for our committed love relationships
42:59
is to find on somebody who'll piss us off the most. So we need
43:04
to be challenged, right, We have to be challenged in order to grow.
43:07
So we find somebody after a period of time when they attachment bond sets,
43:14
the unconscious mind looks at that person goes, oh, there you are,
43:17
And now this person has a magical poker who can poke our patterns and
43:22
they can come alive. Because we have to bring the unconscious conscious before we
43:28
can work with it. And that's really one of the primary goals for committed
43:34
love relationships. That's really interesting. So in your professional opinion, Now,
43:37
obviously this doesn't apply to everyone. Do you believe that many people if they
43:45
were aware of this kind of work and would be willing to look at themselves
43:50
as each you know, in a couple, but each person looking at for
43:52
themselves and working with someone like you avoid divorce because now we're what I'm sure
44:06
I definitely think they can. And so what the way I like to explain
44:09
it, particularly when people come in to interview me before they decide whether to
44:15
move forward with the processes, and I look at them, I go,
44:17
okay, here's the deal. There's three entities that I'm coaching right now,
44:24
two eyes and a Wii. The eyes have to know what's going on before
44:30
you focus on the Wii, right because you know who are the players in
44:36
the game. And if so, if one of the eyes is showing up
44:40
in a disempowered way and pointing a finger out where the whole time and blaming
44:45
the other person, you're not going to make much headway with the Wii.
44:49
Both fingers are going to be pointing at themselves and work on that eye to
44:52
give the wei the greatest chance of success to achieve the goal that they want,
44:59
and that's I bought one and two. You know. One is the
45:02
education, two is the application, and three is for couples. That's why
45:07
I put it out that way. Yeah, it'd be interesting to see when
45:13
book three comes out. Yeah. I remember when I was sixteen, my
45:19
grandmother said to me one time, and it was I was in love with
45:22
my first love high school, and I remember her saying, we were talking
45:24
about relationships, so that love isn't enough. And she wasn't saying it like
45:29
to me, like you know, at that time, we were just talking
45:30
about relationships, and she's like, yeah, love just isn't always enough.
45:35
And I remember thinking, what is she crazy, you know, because I
45:38
was so young at the time. But now, being an adult I'm having
45:42
past relationships. I understand what she means, because you can still love somebody,
45:47
but if all your neurological wounds are coming out and you're looking at it
45:52
completely by blaming the other person, then the relationship can't sustain itself unless you
45:59
look yeah, I'll believe yeah, yeah, in some way, shape or
46:02
form. It's just you know, then you get that, you know the
46:07
little gaps in the relationship become crevasses that they just lose hope, They lose
46:15
all hope. And you know, and then the biggest part is when one
46:21
partner loses respect for the other one because of their choices, that usually signals
46:27
the end. Yeah, and you find what will usually happen is is if
46:31
the relationship ends and they don't realize their part in it, they'll just attract
46:37
somebody else and they'll repeat the pattern. Absolutely see it all the time.
46:43
Yes, and I warn them, I say, hey, if you,
46:45
I said, you know, I'm not here to tell you what to do,
46:46
that's not my job. But I'm gonna warn you that if you don't
46:50
do the work, you will more probably repeat the pattern in some way,
46:54
shape or form, And a couple of years down the road, you're going
46:59
to say, oh my god, I'm in the same situation. Yeah,
47:02
just a different person. Just a different person. Right now, Why do
47:08
you think it's so hard for us people to really look at ourselves and take
47:15
accountability. That's a great question. I think in today's world, even though
47:23
we have all this information, if you really step back and look at it
47:28
from fifteen thousand feet, people put so much time, energy, and attention
47:34
to the external world and not to their internal world. They're so busy managing
47:39
the external world in their lives that they just don't take the time. And
47:45
I think the information hasn't If this information can get to children like middle school,
47:53
early high school, where at least they have the awareness of there in
48:00
a world, we have a better chance of reprogramming the system at an earlier
48:07
age. Because remember as you you know, you know what version of iOS
48:14
is on your phone? You know fifteen how many people have updated their software
48:17
fifteen times, right, you know. So if we can start earlier,
48:21
we can start impacting that software so it's green at a deeper level, which
48:27
is the part that gets filtered with sensory data. So we have a greater
48:30
chance of having more empowerment than disempowerment. Yeah. Yeah, And I think
48:37
that it's easier to blame others and look inside yourself. It really is.
48:44
Oh my god, totally is. Yeah, we just blame everybody else,
48:50
you know, people love I mean, you know, the victim mentality is
48:54
huge, Yes, it is. I'm glad you said that because that is
49:02
something that I see a lot, and I've been there myself, so I
49:09
know, and getting myself out of victimhood took a lot of work and I
49:14
had to take a lot of accountability for what I was. You know,
49:19
I used the term manifesting in my life from where from where I was at
49:22
in my you know, external in my relationships, and it now, looking
49:28
back, I see it, I see it as clear as day. But
49:30
obviously when I was in it, I wasn't seeing it right and it took
49:34
a lot of work. And it's it's not easy, but it's worth it.
49:38
I mean, I can imagine what your when your clients are have finished,
49:44
uh working with you and they move on with their life. What a
49:46
difference from where they had how they were when they walked in the majority,
49:52
the ones who actually do the work, absolutely and there's tons of testimonials on
49:58
my website, and you know, it's really interesting. It's when I'm working
50:02
with couples, particularly in the first session, after they move forward, I'll
50:08
say, Okay, I want to let you know that I am a finger
50:12
bender, and if you are sharing a story where your finger is pointing toward
50:17
the other, I am going to bend it back at yourself. So I
50:22
will interrupt them and say, rephrase that and only speak of self because you
50:29
have to. It's almost like teaching them a new language and a new way
50:32
of doing things, to really look inside because most of the time it's an
50:37
autopilot. They don't even know. The doing is just so automatic because it's
50:42
protective, you know, And we're built to protect ourselves, and that's the
50:46
primary directive of the unconscious mind is to preserve and protect the body. So
50:52
it's the first strategy we go to. Yeah, and I imagine many people
51:00
well, you know, and if you're in a long term relationship, you
51:01
build patterns. Right, there's a pattern, there's a dynamic in the relationship
51:07
that's been so established and dysfunctional and painful. But they're used to it,
51:12
right, so it's hard for them to switch and switch that mind frame where
51:17
oh, I can't blame you for all the things that I say you're terrible
51:21
for doing anymore. Right, you have to like, oh no, but
51:27
why is this triggering me? Like you use something very simple like somebody leaving
51:32
the milk out on the counter, right, Like that that's so triggering,
51:36
Like you have to ask yourself, why are you that triggered about that?
51:40
Yeah? So that is the question that I help couples with its In volume
51:46
two in the eminem technique is the challenge question. So like when you see
51:52
a text and you feel that energy come alive in your startup, the question
51:57
is what would I have to believe in order to feel this way? And
52:01
then you put it through the TFQ filter, Well, is that true?
52:05
False? Are questionable? And the vast majority time is false, and that's
52:08
how you can find you're just empowered police. Yeah, it's true because I'm
52:15
a vast matory. Majority of the time it is false. So right,
52:22
because I'm getting what I'm waiting for, what fire has developed and that I
52:27
have to help put out. That's because that's that was my whole childhood,
52:31
you know what I mean. So there was always a fire, something was
52:36
happening always, and there's still very much chaos. There's still very much of
52:39
that energy. And I'm not even going to try to change my family.
52:45
I love my family. It's very loving, you know. It's not about
52:47
that. So it's I've learned I need to change me the way I deal
52:54
with it, the way I process it, and and letting certain things go,
53:00
you know, And and I have and but I do notice there's a
53:02
physical component. So that's telling me because I listen to my body very much.
53:07
Now something's still there. We need to go. Yeah, and you
53:13
know besel Vanderkeelt's famous book, The Body keeps the Score. It's so aptly
53:19
titled for his book, and that's it. All stores in the body.
53:22
And that's the first indicator that you know, we have some work to do.
53:27
Depending on the intensity of that, you know, if it hijacks your
53:30
system and it causes you to fight, flight freeze, well you there's some
53:36
serious work to be done. But if it's just a little drift in it,
53:40
you know, but you know, being kind to self and not blaming
53:44
others and really just understanding the origin and making friends with it and saying,
53:50
wow, I get you, I hear you. It's okay. Yeah.
53:55
And that's self soothing. Yeah. And that's self soothing. Yeah. Yeah,
54:00
I've gotten a lot of self I have a lot of self soothing things
54:04
that I do now which I just love my self soothing, my self soothing
54:07
rituals. So, Glenn, we only have a couple of minutes. Is
54:10
there something really important that you want to say, because I want to give
54:15
you that opportunity. Well, number one is thanking you for inviting me on
54:22
your show and for sharing some of your story and allowing that to be used
54:25
to explore the topics we did. I would say the number one thing is
54:30
really pay attention to your inner world. It's guiding you to heal whatever is
54:38
unresolved. And when you do that and grow into the next highest version of
54:45
yourself, you get to a place where I call neurological freedom, where the
54:51
outside world doesn't trigger you above a two three and you can be a piece
54:57
inside the vast majority of time and that is pevable. Yeah, yeah,
55:05
because I think we would all like that. Are you still taking on clients
55:08
if somebody hears this and wants to see you, or do you take new
55:13
clients or are you just doing yes? I do? Oh good, Okay,
55:17
No, I do still see client. Love seeing clients, doing workshops,
55:22
speeches, so forth, podcasts. But yeah, they can reach me
55:27
off the website on the request and this show interview page. Okay, And
55:32
what's your website again? Just let everybody know. Sure it's www. Center
55:38
C E N T E R s O r Andi dot com. Well,
55:45
thank you so much, Glenn. It was such a pleasure, and thank
55:47
you for writing your books. I'm looking forward to your third one about relationships,
55:52
because I got a lot out of it, So check them out.
55:53
Guys. All right, everybody, As always, thanks so much for being
56:00
here with me on Postcards to the Universe with Melissa creating the life you crave,
56:02
and I'm wishing everyone a wonderful week filled with joy, abundance and love. Peace,