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5 tools to stop you from that downward spiral (E) · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:13
Speaker 1: Hello my beautiful beans and welcome to the podcast episode
0:16
Speaker 1: of today. So in today's episode we are talking about
0:19
Speaker 1: five things to do when you feel like you are spiraling.
0:22
Speaker 1: Now this can be applied to any kind of emotional spiral.
0:26
Speaker 1: It could be when there's multiple things that are stacked
0:29
Speaker 1: up and you're just in general overwhelmed and you're finding
0:31
Speaker 1: it really difficult to deal with even the smaller tasks
0:34
Speaker 1: that normally wouldn't be so consuming. It could be if
0:38
Speaker 1: you're spiraling about some emotional thing that has happened to you,
0:41
Speaker 1: whether it be within your relationships, romantically or with friends,
0:45
Speaker 1: any kind of spiraling and what you can do in
0:47
Speaker 1: that moment to alleviate how you are feeling. And these
0:51
Speaker 1: five things that I'm going to offer you, I mean,
0:53
Speaker 1: whether you do just one, ideally all of them, you
0:56
Speaker 1: will notice some relief. And in some cases you will
1:00
Speaker 1: notice total relief because like many things, We kind of
1:05
Speaker 1: trick ourselves into thinking that the only way we're going
1:07
Speaker 1: to feel better is if this is resolved, but that
1:09
Speaker 1: is not true. You can feel so much better about
1:12
Speaker 1: something while something is still unresolved and you can be
1:15
Speaker 1: working on it on the side. It could be something
1:18
Speaker 1: that you don't have the power to resolve and you
1:20
Speaker 1: don't want to feel like you can't feel good until
1:22
Speaker 1: that thing is resolved. So you're going to notice that
1:25
Speaker 1: by doing these things, you're going to feel better. And ironically,
1:28
Speaker 1: the better you feel, the easier it is to resolve
1:31
Speaker 1: those things that are within your control, just because based
1:35
Speaker 1: on your mood, it's going to affect how you approach
1:37
Speaker 1: that thing, how you choose to deal with it, how
1:39
Speaker 1: you choose to resolve it and all of the above.
1:41
Speaker 2: Okay.
1:42
Speaker 1: So this is going to be a very, hopefully a
1:44
Speaker 1: very practical episode.
1:47
Speaker 2: You can really use these tools straight away.
1:49
Speaker 1: And the reason I'm talking about this is because I've,
1:52
Speaker 1: like I would imagine most people that listen to this
1:54
Speaker 1: episode had these moments of spiraling, but I actually had
1:57
Speaker 1: one quite recently and it was so funny because, well,
1:59
Speaker 1: not funny, but it was over just so many small
2:05
Speaker 1: things happening at the same time. So it wasn't like
2:07
Speaker 1: there was this one major event that was making me
2:10
Speaker 1: feel so frustrated, but I was so overwhelmed and I
2:12
Speaker 1: was so in what I was doing without getting perspective
2:16
Speaker 1: or stepping away that I was like on the verge
2:19
Speaker 1: of tears. And when I step back now and look
2:21
Speaker 1: at it, it's like, it's so amazing how we can
2:23
Speaker 1: psych ourselves into these crazy states where it feels.
2:27
Speaker 2: Like there's like, I can't escape it. I can't escape it.
2:29
Speaker 2: And then it just requires doing one or all of
2:31
Speaker 2: these five steps.
2:32
Speaker 1: And you realize, wow, there's so much I can be
2:35
Speaker 1: doing for my mood and I can feel so much
2:37
Speaker 1: better in the span of just a couple of hours
2:39
Speaker 1: or even by tomorrow morning, I'm feeling like a brand
2:41
Speaker 1: new person.
2:42
Speaker 2: Okay, so that's what we're talking about today. Love that
2:44
Speaker 2: so much for all of us.
2:46
Speaker 1: The brain fact, which we're going to get straight into
2:48
Speaker 1: right now, we are talking about can consuming more nuts,
2:55
Speaker 1: as in nuts that you can eat, not having more
3:00
Speaker 1: nut cases in your life, can consuming more nuts be
3:03
Speaker 1: beneficial for your depression, okay? Or with mood disorders, but
3:07
Speaker 1: in particular depression. So this basically comes from information around
3:11
Speaker 1: the link between vitamin B deficiencies and neurological problems and
3:15
Speaker 1: mood disorders, because a lot of nuts are quite high
3:17
Speaker 1: in vitamin B, among other things that are really, really
3:20
Speaker 1: good for your brain, okay?
3:21
Speaker 2: I remember watching a documentary, don't even know what it
3:23
Speaker 2: was called, ages ago, ages ago.
3:25
Speaker 1: And it was talking about how simply a handful of
3:27
Speaker 1: cashews can actually do wonders for people's depression more so
3:32
Speaker 1: than certain antidepressants depending on the individual, obviously, because every
3:37
Speaker 1: single individual experiences antidepressants differently.
3:42
Speaker 2: But let's talk about it.
3:44
Speaker 1: So basically, vitamin B deficiency can have really, really strong
3:48
Speaker 1: effects on the brain, like major. And depending how deficient
3:51
Speaker 1: you are will depend on how severe these impacts are
3:55
Speaker 1: on the brain. And it also depends which vitamin B
3:59
Speaker 1: you are deficient in, okay? But Generally, vitamin B deficiencies
4:05
Speaker 1: can manifest in mood changes. So we see depression, anxiety, irritability,
4:14
Speaker 1: and this is seen across like several different kinds of
4:17
Speaker 1: vitamin B deficiencies because you've got B12, you know.
4:20
Speaker 2: B1, blah, blah, blah.
4:22
Speaker 1: Because these vitamins are really important for producing and regulating
4:25
Speaker 1: neurotransmitters such as things like serotonin, which is like a
4:28
Speaker 1: mood-regulating neurotransmitter, dopamine. GABA, which is our major excitatory neurotransmitter.
4:36
Speaker 1: Vitamin B deficiencies are also related to fatigue and brain fog.
4:42
Speaker 1: So mental fatigue, where you really struggle to concentrate, where
4:45
Speaker 1: you feel sluggish, and also increased risk of cognitive disorders.
4:51
Speaker 1: So this is if you have long-term... vitamin B deficiencies,
4:55
Speaker 1: in particular B12, and in particular folate, which I've spoken
4:59
Speaker 1: about in a brain fact before about the link between
5:01
Speaker 1: folate and neural tube defects in babies, that's actually linked
5:05
Speaker 1: to a higher risk of neurodegeneration and neurodegenerative diseases such
5:10
Speaker 1: as Alzheimer's and dementia, okay? So let's talk about an
5:13
Speaker 1: article that was published. So this article published in the
5:16
Speaker 1: Clinical Nutrition Journal, and the title of that article is
5:20
Speaker 1: called Nut consumption is associated with a lower risk of
5:23
Speaker 1: depression in adults. A prospective analysis with data from the
5:26
Speaker 1: UK Biobank cohort, it basically talks about how eating just
5:31
Speaker 1: 30 grams of nuts, and it's across a range of
5:33
Speaker 1: nuts as well, every single day is associated with a 17%
5:38
Speaker 1: lower risk of depression, okay?
5:39
Speaker 2: And that's significant.
5:40
Speaker 1: 17% is a significant, you know, and then especially if
5:43
Speaker 1: you tie that into other lifestyle factors as well that
5:45
Speaker 1: you can be doing, you can really be reducing your
5:47
Speaker 1: risk of developing depression in your life.
5:49
Speaker 2: So basically there was all this data that was.
5:51
Speaker 1: Analyzed from the UK biobank from around half a million
5:56
Speaker 1: citizens from the UK. And they examined more than in
6:00
Speaker 1: this particular like body of work. They were examining around
6:04
Speaker 1: 13,000 middle-aged and older people. The average age was around
6:08
Speaker 1: 58 years. And this study was, this was, the data
6:12
Speaker 1: is analyzed between the years of 2007 and 2020. Okay.
6:16
Speaker 1: So participants were given questionnaires to measure their nut intake,
6:20
Speaker 1: and across this study, they were also looking at depression
6:24
Speaker 1: symptoms or antidepressant use as well. Now, the results showed
6:29
Speaker 1: that middle-aged and older adults who ate 30 grams of nuts,
6:33
Speaker 1: and these included almonds, walnuts, cashews, hazelnuts, pistachios, and Brazil nuts,
6:37
Speaker 1: every single day had decreased likelihood of developing depression or
6:42
Speaker 1: of taking antidepressants, okay? And they discovered that this was
6:46
Speaker 1: the result across the board, even when you factor in
6:50
Speaker 1: for co-founding variables and things like that. So when you
6:53
Speaker 1: factor in things like medical issues, lifestyle, other things that
6:56
Speaker 1: could impact for, you know, causing mental health problems. So
7:00
Speaker 1: you already calculate for that and you're still seeing 17% reduction.
7:08
Speaker 2: Or less likelihood of developing depression.
7:11
Speaker 3: Okay.
7:11
Speaker 1: So let's go through some of these vitamins so you
7:13
Speaker 1: get a better idea of what exactly it is that happens.
7:16
Speaker 1: So number one, we've got vitamin B1, also known as thiamine.
7:20
Speaker 1: And deficiencies with B1 are cognitive impairment. So this is
7:23
Speaker 1: memory loss, confusion, difficulty concentrating, and something called Wernicke or
7:27
Speaker 1: Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome. So this is a neurological disorder often associated
7:34
Speaker 1: with alcohol abuse where this thiamine deficiency will damage brain
7:38
Speaker 1: regions involved in memory and motor control. Okay, so difficulty walking, memory, hallucinations,
7:43
Speaker 1: things like that. You're also going to get fatigue and
7:45
Speaker 1: irritability if you are deficient in vitamin B1.
7:48
Speaker 2: Vitamin B6 deficiency, this is mood disorders, okay?
7:52
Speaker 1: Because B6 is very important for the synthesis of neurotransmitters
7:57
Speaker 1: such as serotonin, dopamine, among other ones. And so if
8:03
Speaker 1: you have a deficiency in vitamin B6, then this could
8:05
Speaker 1: cause depression and anxiety as well as irritability. And then
8:09
Speaker 1: of course, cognitive decline. in particular in older adults. Then
8:14
Speaker 1: we've got vitamin B9, which is folate. So of course,
8:16
Speaker 1: like I mentioned before, this is neural tube defects in infants.
8:19
Speaker 1: So if you don't have enough folate during the development
8:23
Speaker 1: of the fetus, that can lead to the brain and
8:25
Speaker 1: spinal cord not developing properly, which could lead to neural
8:29
Speaker 1: tube defects, one of them being spina bifida, which I've
8:32
Speaker 1: already spoken about in the past. Depression, folate plays a
8:35
Speaker 1: really big role in mood regulation because it again supports
8:40
Speaker 1: the production of serotonin. And then cognitive decline and dementia.
8:44
Speaker 1: And then vitamin B12, memory loss.
8:48
Speaker 2: If you have a deficiency of B12, you've got memory loss.
8:52
Speaker 1: And the reason for this memory loss is because vitamin
8:54
Speaker 1: B12 or deficiencies in vitamin B12 actually affect the myelin sheath,
9:01
Speaker 1: which I've spoken about a thousand times. And that is
9:03
Speaker 1: kind of the insulation, these like fatty deficiencies. sheaths that
9:08
Speaker 1: wrap around the axon of your neuron, okay? And if
9:12
Speaker 1: you have damage to the myelin sheath, then you're not
9:15
Speaker 1: getting proper insulation of those fibers, and that disrupts or
9:20
Speaker 1: slows down transmission signals between cells, between neurons, and that
9:24
Speaker 1: could severely impact your memory, among other neurological processes. Then
9:29
Speaker 1: we've got dementia-like symptoms, confusion, disorientation, things that resemble dementia,
9:34
Speaker 1: and then depression and fatigue. Because B12 is really important
9:38
Speaker 1: for brain energy production. So if you have a deficiency
9:42
Speaker 1: in that, then yes, depressive symptoms, but you're also going
9:45
Speaker 1: to be fatigued. And when you're depressed and fatigued, that
9:48
Speaker 1: also can lead to a lot of irritability as well.
9:51
Speaker 1: So you need to basically be ensuring that you are
9:54
Speaker 1: consuming enough vitamin B. Nuts are a very great source.
9:58
Speaker 1: You know, all the nuts that I mentioned. before, walnuts, cashews, pistachios,
10:04
Speaker 1: things like that. If you are not sure if you
10:06
Speaker 1: have enough vitamin B in your diet, then there's no
10:09
Speaker 1: harm in supplementing with vitamin B, okay? And the different
10:14
Speaker 1: ranges of vitamin B as well. So I just mentioned
10:16
Speaker 1: just a few of.
10:18
Speaker 2: Them just now.
10:19
Speaker 1: But nuts also contain phytochemicals, which are associated with anti-inflammatory
10:25
Speaker 1: and antioxidant properties. So that's another reason why nuts are
10:28
Speaker 1: so good for your mental health. So just start eating
10:31
Speaker 1: a small handful of nuts every single day. You can
10:33
Speaker 1: mix the nuts, the range of nuts, and it is
10:37
Speaker 1: going to do wonders for your brain.
10:39
Speaker 2: Okay.
10:39
Speaker 1: Even if you're not depressed, eat some fucking nuts. Many
10:42
Speaker 1: good things going on there. That is the brain fact
10:44
Speaker 1: of today. Let's get straight into five steps. If you
10:48
Speaker 1: are spiraling.
10:49
Speaker 3: We've all been there.
11:01
Speaker 1: We've all spiraled. How the fuck do you stop spiraling?
11:04
Speaker 1: Number one is stop suppressing it. Just stop it. Sometimes
11:10
Speaker 1: we will be so overwhelmed and we start spiraling and
11:13
Speaker 1: then we're trying not to have a meltdown, not to cry,
11:15
Speaker 1: not that, not that, not.
11:15
Speaker 2: That, not that.
11:16
Speaker 1: What you need to do is just pause what you're
11:18
Speaker 1: doing and allow yourself to feel what needs to be felt.
11:21
Speaker 1: If you need to cry in that moment because you're
11:23
Speaker 1: so overwhelmed, you need to cry, okay? The energy that
11:28
Speaker 1: it takes to hide, to cover up, to hold back,
11:32
Speaker 1: to bottle something in when you are on the brink
11:35
Speaker 1: of an emotional meltdown is actually going to be more
11:39
Speaker 1: taxing than crying is for you. Now, please, if you're
11:44
Speaker 1: someone that holds back from crying, Go listen to my
11:46
Speaker 1: episode from a couple of months ago or weeks ago
11:50
Speaker 1: about the importance of like a tactical cry and how
11:53
Speaker 1: crying is actually extremely therapeutic for many reasons. It's not
11:56
Speaker 1: just because you feel that release, but your body actually
11:59
Speaker 1: releases healing properties when you are crying. You actually release
12:04
Speaker 1: stress from your body when you cry and then you
12:07
Speaker 1: start to feel this soothing.
12:09
Speaker 2: Effect that your body has on you.
12:11
Speaker 1: It is so healthy to allow yourself to experience the
12:14
Speaker 1: emotion of that you are needing to experience. Mind you,
12:17
Speaker 1: this is very different from being like, wow, I feel good.
12:20
Speaker 1: Now I'm going to sit the fuck down and make
12:22
Speaker 1: myself cry. You know, there's a difference between choosing thoughts
12:27
Speaker 1: and making those thoughts like link onto a more painful thought,
12:31
Speaker 1: a more painful thought, and then.
12:32
Speaker 2: You're causing a spiral.
12:33
Speaker 1: But if you're already in a position where you're like, wow,
12:36
Speaker 1: I found myself in this place where I feel so overwhelmed,
12:39
Speaker 1: this is when you need to stop doing what you're
12:41
Speaker 1: doing and think, what emotion am I feeling right now?
12:43
Speaker 1: And if you need to cry, cry. If you feel frustrated,
12:46
Speaker 1: you can be like, oh, I'm so frustrated. You can
12:48
Speaker 1: let out a sound. Acknowledging the emotion and allowing yourself
12:53
Speaker 1: to feel it is very, very important, okay? Because bottling
12:58
Speaker 1: it up, no matter what the emotion is, actually slows
13:01
Speaker 1: down and impacts your ability to self-regulate and to feel
13:05
Speaker 1: back on track. It actually takes you longer to get
13:08
Speaker 1: back on track. I think a lot of people think
13:10
Speaker 1: that if we cry, then it's game over. And I'm
13:13
Speaker 1: not going to be able to pull myself back together.
13:15
Speaker 1: It's actually the opposite. Okay. Experience the emotion you're experiencing
13:18
Speaker 1: and you'll very quickly be able to self-regulate.
13:21
Speaker 2: We've all been there.
13:22
Speaker 1: Holding back tears is so, like it's all consuming. And
13:29
Speaker 1: even though it's so like, oh, I didn't want to cry.
13:31
Speaker 1: But then after the cry, you feel so much better.
13:33
Speaker 3: Okay.
13:34
Speaker 2: So whatever it is that you need to do, you
13:36
Speaker 2: need to feel it. Okay.
13:38
Speaker 1: Now, Don't tell yourself that you are weak if you cry, okay?
13:43
Speaker 1: If you feel your emotions, if you express your emotions,
13:46
Speaker 1: if you feel that you can't hold your emotions in,
13:48
Speaker 1: oh my God, I can't handle my emotions and I'm weak.
13:51
Speaker 1: That is your body screaming to release pent up energy
13:54
Speaker 1: and saying, your body's instinctively saying, let me help you.
13:58
Speaker 1: If you just cry, I can release all these things.
14:00
Speaker 1: I can self-soothe. We can regulate, okay? Your body knows
14:04
Speaker 1: so much better than sometimes your learnt behaviors, okay? The
14:08
Speaker 1: instinctive body knows. So that's not a sign of weakness.
14:13
Speaker 1: That's a sign of your body just saying, let me
14:16
Speaker 1: take control right now. Weak is saying to yourself, I'm
14:18
Speaker 1: not going to be able to handle it if I cry.
14:21
Speaker 2: That's bullshit.
14:22
Speaker 1: Of course, you're going to be able to handle it.
14:23
Speaker 1: You handle things a lot better when you feel the emotion.
14:25
Speaker 2: Okay.
14:26
Speaker 1: So number one, of course, is stop suppressing. Whatever you
14:31
Speaker 1: need to feel, feel it in that moment. I can
14:33
Speaker 1: guarantee you're going to speed up the process a whole
14:34
Speaker 1: lot faster. You're not going to continue to spiral. Number two,
14:39
Speaker 1: the next thing you want to do is you want
14:40
Speaker 1: to create a circuit breaker for whatever it is that
14:46
Speaker 1: you are feeling in that moment after you have allowed
14:50
Speaker 1: yourself to experience it, okay? So this is like I've
14:53
Speaker 1: cried it out, but I also know that once I
14:56
Speaker 1: have my cry or once I've written down all the
14:59
Speaker 1: things that frustrate me or once I've, you know, made
15:01
Speaker 1: a vocalization of why I'm so annoyed, I don't then
15:05
Speaker 1: want to continue to then spiral and like bring myself
15:07
Speaker 1: back into the ride. So I've experienced what I need
15:09
Speaker 1: to experience. Now I need to break the circuit. I
15:12
Speaker 1: need to step away from this task and I want
15:16
Speaker 1: to physically change my location if possible. So this is
15:20
Speaker 1: where you remove yourself from the desk, remove yourself from
15:23
Speaker 1: your home, remove yourself from this environment, from the office,
15:26
Speaker 1: from whatever, even if it's just for a couple of minutes,
15:29
Speaker 1: a temporary thing.
15:29
Speaker 2: You need to break that circuit and step away from
15:33
Speaker 2: that space, okay?
15:36
Speaker 1: We underestimate the value of of being in something and
15:40
Speaker 1: how much it can affect us versus being outside of
15:43
Speaker 1: that thing and watching it as if we're like a
15:45
Speaker 1: third party. Sometimes when you're so heavily involved in something,
15:49
Speaker 1: it feels like that thing is so much bigger than
15:53
Speaker 1: what it actually.
15:54
Speaker 2: Is, okay?
15:56
Speaker 1: The next thing that you're going to do, number three,
15:58
Speaker 1: is I want you to write a list or a
16:00
Speaker 1: letter to yourself that says, for me to become what
16:05
Speaker 1: would need to happen. Okay, I have started doing this
16:09
Speaker 1: for myself so much lately. And I don't always write
16:14
Speaker 1: it down. Actually, I rarely write it down. It's only
16:16
Speaker 1: when it's like a big thing that I write it down.
16:18
Speaker 1: But sometimes I think for me to feel better, for
16:20
Speaker 1: me to feel calmer, what are certain things that would
16:23
Speaker 1: need to happen?
16:25
Speaker 2: And hint here, it's not that you have to resolve
16:28
Speaker 2: this thing.
16:28
Speaker 1: Because like I said, there's many things that are going
16:30
Speaker 1: to happen that cause you to spiral that are not.
16:33
Speaker 2: In your control.
16:34
Speaker 1: So you can't say, well, once that's resolved, then I
16:36
Speaker 1: feel better because you can't really control when that thing's
16:39
Speaker 1: going to be resolved if it's not directly in your control.
16:43
Speaker 1: But certain things such as if I had a bit
16:47
Speaker 1: more balance in my day, I know I would feel
16:49
Speaker 1: a lot calmer. If I was able to control other
16:52
Speaker 1: aspects of my day, then this would feel more manageable.
16:56
Speaker 1: So for example, for me, the other day, last week
17:00
Speaker 1: when I was absolutely like having one of those moments
17:02
Speaker 1: spiraling because everything was happening. Like something that I was
17:05
Speaker 1: submitting was getting rejected. I had to do some tech
17:08
Speaker 1: stuff on something that I'm not tech savvy on. Then
17:12
Speaker 1: I had to reply to certain things and there was
17:13
Speaker 1: a deadline on certain things and something to do with
17:15
Speaker 1: my BAS and my tax. And then it was all happening.
17:19
Speaker 1: It was extremely overwhelming in that moment. And then I
17:22
Speaker 1: did the whole thing. Like I had my moment, I
17:24
Speaker 1: experienced it, I felt it. I then stepped away from
17:27
Speaker 1: that thing. And then I thought, What would need to
17:30
Speaker 1: happen in order for me to feel.
17:31
Speaker 2: Calmer about it?
17:32
Speaker 1: And it wasn't, well, I have to resolve everything because
17:34
Speaker 1: I know that that's not the answer. But I thought, well,
17:37
Speaker 1: I know that when I'm organized, I already feel a
17:41
Speaker 1: lot better. So I thought, okay, well, what can I
17:44
Speaker 1: look at as far as organizing that's going to make
17:46
Speaker 1: me feel good? What could I do that's going to
17:47
Speaker 1: make tomorrow morning a bit easier? And so I started
17:49
Speaker 1: already looking at solutions-based. And it's not necessarily around the
17:53
Speaker 1: exact thing that was causing me stress. I thought, what
17:55
Speaker 1: makes me calmer in general? Some people might be like, well,
17:58
Speaker 1: I know that the moment I step outside, I instantly
18:00
Speaker 1: feel calmer. And I just know that. I'm working against
18:04
Speaker 1: what I know. I just need to get outside. For
18:07
Speaker 1: some people, it's like, well, it's when I meditate. It's
18:10
Speaker 1: when I listen to music and I change my mood
18:12
Speaker 1: by listening to music. It's when I call this one
18:14
Speaker 1: person that can always talk me down off the ledge.
18:16
Speaker 1: So you need to identify what does feeling calmer look like?
18:20
Speaker 1: Look at it from like, I'm already here. What does
18:23
Speaker 1: that look like? And what are certain things that I
18:25
Speaker 1: can put into place to start to make myself feel calmer.
18:28
Speaker 1: Notice that I'm not saying this has to be resolved.
18:31
Speaker 1: I have to have finished this. I have to have
18:33
Speaker 1: an answer.
18:34
Speaker 2: We're just talking about your state, your physical state, all right?
18:38
Speaker 1: I want you to imagine yourself in the shoes of
18:41
Speaker 1: your calmer state because when you are in that calmer state,
18:44
Speaker 1: your problem-solving skills are so.
18:47
Speaker 2: Much better, okay? And it also helps you look at
18:49
Speaker 2: the bigger picture because it's.
18:50
Speaker 1: Not like you say, am I crying because of this
18:53
Speaker 1: one email that came in? No, I'm crying because I'm
18:56
Speaker 1: burnt out and there's a thousand things going on right now.
18:58
Speaker 1: And if I felt a little bit better and if
19:00
Speaker 1: I felt a little bit more control of other areas
19:02
Speaker 1: of my life, this one thing probably wouldn't have made
19:05
Speaker 1: me cry normally, okay? So this idea of what would
19:10
Speaker 1: it look like if I was calm, what would need
19:12
Speaker 1: to be done if I was calm, helps you look
19:14
Speaker 1: at a bigger picture perspective of your overall day, your
19:17
Speaker 1: overall life, okay? Now, number four is what is one
19:21
Speaker 1: thing I can do that is going to make me
19:24
Speaker 1: feel like I have accomplished something by the time I
19:28
Speaker 1: go to bed. Now, this is symbolic. So I don't
19:31
Speaker 1: want you to think, oh, great, great. Alexis is doing
19:34
Speaker 1: a podcast on how to stop spiraling. And here I
19:37
Speaker 1: am trying to self-soothe and she's giving me something to
19:40
Speaker 1: put on my to-do list. This is simply symbolic. It
19:42
Speaker 1: could be the smallest thing, but we feel very fulfilled.
19:47
Speaker 1: We feel like we've accomplished something. We feel happy. calmer,
19:50
Speaker 1: like we've achieved something better about ourselves when we have
19:56
Speaker 1: ticked something off what we need to do. And again,
20:00
Speaker 1: it could be the smallest thing in the world. And
20:04
Speaker 1: irrelevant from the thing that's making you spiral. If work
20:07
Speaker 1: is the trigger that's making you feel really stressed, then
20:11
Speaker 1: don't make it about work. It could be, I'm going
20:14
Speaker 1: to reply to a handful of text messages that I
20:16
Speaker 1: haven't been getting back to.
20:18
Speaker 2: I'm going to book that doctor's appointment.
20:19
Speaker 1: I'm going to clean the filter off the dryer because
20:21
Speaker 1: it was beeping at me the other day and I
20:23
Speaker 1: keep putting it off and then I'm not drying clothes
20:25
Speaker 1: because I haven't cleaned the filter. Or I'm going to
20:28
Speaker 1: fold a a quarter of the pile of my laundry.
20:31
Speaker 1: I know that when I wake up knowing I folded
20:32
Speaker 1: just then took 10 minutes, I'm going to feel really good.
20:34
Speaker 2: I'm going to whatever. It is symbolic, symbolic, symbolic. It
20:39
Speaker 2: is not to add more onto your plate.
20:41
Speaker 1: It is to be like, see, I went to bed
20:43
Speaker 1: and even though I thought my day was a write-off
20:45
Speaker 1: because I was so upset, I achieved.
20:46
Speaker 2: This one little thing. I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good.
20:48
Speaker 2: I did it. I could have not done it, but
20:49
Speaker 2: I did it and it was little and I feel good.
20:52
Speaker 1: That to me, these tiny, tiny actions are crazy.
20:56
Speaker 2: For example, what I did that day.
20:58
Speaker 1: Is You know what's going to make me feel really good?
21:01
Speaker 1: I'm going to empty out my bag that I take
21:03
Speaker 1: to work, to the office. It's like a really oversized handbag.
21:07
Speaker 1: And I'm just going to tidy it up because it
21:08
Speaker 1: was a shit show in there. It took me about
21:11
Speaker 1: seven minutes to do it. And I can't even tell you,
21:14
Speaker 1: I went to bed being like, oh my God, I
21:16
Speaker 1: can't wait to pack my handbag tomorrow.
21:17
Speaker 2: Morning to go to work. It's just going to be so,
21:20
Speaker 2: so basic.
21:21
Speaker 1: Our brains are are very complicated on one end but
21:25
Speaker 1: so fucking basic and easy to please on another end.
21:28
Speaker 1: So we're going to really lean into that aspect of
21:30
Speaker 1: our brain and use that to our advantage. It took
21:34
Speaker 1: me around seven minutes to tidy out this fucking bag
21:37
Speaker 1: and I can't tell you how good I felt having
21:40
Speaker 1: thrown out these receipts and tidied things up and put
21:42
Speaker 1: things away that didn't need to be in that bag.
21:44
Speaker 2: It was unbelievable. And this is the day that I
21:46
Speaker 2: was spiralling the other day. It was unreal.
21:48
Speaker 3: It was unreal.
21:56
Speaker 1: And then the fifth thing, and the most important thing,
22:01
Speaker 1: if I can say, is connect with someone. Now, this
22:06
Speaker 1: could be your dog, your cat, something that is also
22:10
Speaker 1: going to connect back with you, ideally, so where you
22:13
Speaker 1: can have a bonded connection, or ideally, if possible, with
22:19
Speaker 1: a friend, a relative, someone that you love, someone that
22:21
Speaker 1: you love being in their company.
22:23
Speaker 2: All right?
22:24
Speaker 1: So If you live with your partner, you could say, hey,
22:29
Speaker 1: why don't you and I just go out for a walk?
22:32
Speaker 1: No phones, 30 minutes or however long. And you just walk,
22:38
Speaker 1: no music, no phones, nothing, and walk and talk. You'll
22:41
Speaker 1: be like, wow, oh my God, I feel so much
22:44
Speaker 1: more soothed. And then if you can take it that
22:46
Speaker 1: one step further with that connection, what can you do
22:51
Speaker 1: together or for that person where you feel that you
22:57
Speaker 1: are giving value, that you are of use, okay? So often,
23:02
Speaker 1: especially when we're spiraling or in particular when we are
23:06
Speaker 1: experiencing extreme anxiety, the attention is on the problem and
23:12
Speaker 1: then needing to fix that problem and then needing to
23:14
Speaker 1: fix how we're feeling and then needing to fix, fix.
23:16
Speaker 2: Fix, fix, fix, fix.
23:17
Speaker 1: And we can get so overwhelmed that we get stuck
23:20
Speaker 1: in this cycle and then we're hyper aware of how
23:23
Speaker 1: we're feeling and then we're trying to mend it, but
23:25
Speaker 1: then we're too aware of how we're feeling and we're
23:27
Speaker 1: stuck in our heads, okay?
23:29
Speaker 2: It's extremely frustrating.
23:31
Speaker 1: And whether you have an actual anxiety, you know, an
23:35
Speaker 1: anxiety disorder or an anxiety condition or whether you're just
23:38
Speaker 1: going through an anxious bout, that's what's going on. That's
23:42
Speaker 1: what we're feeling, okay? Some people it's to an extreme,
23:44
Speaker 1: some people not as much. So it's all well and
23:48
Speaker 1: good to be doing the work on yourself, to be
23:49
Speaker 1: doing this, to.
23:50
Speaker 2: Be doing that.
23:50
Speaker 1: But when you're too internalized with your thoughts and what
23:53
Speaker 1: you're experiencing, it can sometimes make you go the other
23:55
Speaker 1: way or it can sometimes make you feel a bit
23:57
Speaker 1: stuck and that you're not making any progress whatsoever. One
24:01
Speaker 1: of the best ways to turn that around is to
24:04
Speaker 1: get out of your own head and to make it
24:06
Speaker 1: about something or someone else. So if you can connect
24:09
Speaker 1: with someone and then you can say, hey, Do you
24:13
Speaker 1: want to discuss anything? Is there anything that's on your
24:15
Speaker 1: mind that you want to talk about?
24:15
Speaker 2: Is there whatever?
24:16
Speaker 1: And then you can start to offer advice, offer help,
24:19
Speaker 1: offer an ear for someone to listen to.
24:22
Speaker 2: And then you walk away being like, wow, I actually
24:24
Speaker 2: helped that person. I contributed.
24:25
Speaker 1: I was able to give them advice. I was able
24:27
Speaker 1: to give them a bit of my time. I was
24:28
Speaker 1: able to whatever. You will instantly start to feel better.
24:32
Speaker 1: You feel better because you weren't focusing on your own
24:34
Speaker 1: problems for that moment or weren't focusing on spiraling. But
24:37
Speaker 1: you also feel better because contributing and connecting with someone
24:41
Speaker 1: other than, of course, the release of chemicals that make
24:44
Speaker 1: us feel bonded like oxytocin and then serotonin and dopamine
24:48
Speaker 1: when you're contributing and you're doing something. But you feel
24:51
Speaker 1: like you actually are useful to that person. And when
24:54
Speaker 1: you feel useful to somebody else, You start to feel happier.
24:58
Speaker 1: It increases your self-esteem. It increases your confidence. And when
25:01
Speaker 1: your self-esteem and your confidence is increased, you start to
25:04
Speaker 1: look at your problems through a different lens. You start
25:06
Speaker 1: to look at your problems as, yeah, they still exist,
25:09
Speaker 1: but it's actually more manageable.
25:11
Speaker 2: This isn't actually overwhelming me. This is actually doable.
25:15
Speaker 1: And I might not be able to do it in
25:16
Speaker 1: one day or in one week, but I can actually
25:18
Speaker 1: chip it away at it. You start calming yourself down.
25:21
Speaker 1: And this happens by feeling bonded, connected, and like you
25:25
Speaker 1: are contributing or that you are of use to someone else,
25:29
Speaker 1: to your best friend, to your family, to people that
25:31
Speaker 1: you love. Of course, like I always say, when you contribute,
25:35
Speaker 1: when you do things for other people, it still has
25:37
Speaker 1: to be fulfilling. I'm not saying go out and be
25:38
Speaker 1: a martyr and do something that makes you suffer in
25:41
Speaker 1: order for someone to succeed. But I'm saying that while
25:44
Speaker 1: it's fulfilling for you, it's also very helpful for someone else.
25:47
Speaker 1: So in my example, I didn't even actually go and
25:50
Speaker 1: help someone. So the other day when I spiraled and
25:52
Speaker 1: I did all of that and I thought about what
25:54
Speaker 1: I would do to feel calmer and I emptied out
25:56
Speaker 1: my handbag and I cleared.
25:57
Speaker 2: It up and it felt amazing. I then had my
26:00
Speaker 2: cooking night with my cousin Giselle.
26:01
Speaker 1: And I can tell you before that I was spiraling
26:04
Speaker 1: so hard that I was like, I just need to
26:06
Speaker 1: get all this shit done. I might have to cancel
26:09
Speaker 1: on my cousin last minute. And then I thought, I
26:12
Speaker 1: was like, I know for a fact that that will
26:16
Speaker 1: make me feel worse.
26:17
Speaker 2: I know it.
26:18
Speaker 1: So I'm not going to do that. I'm actually going
26:20
Speaker 1: to leave the office an hour earlier. I mean, to
26:23
Speaker 1: be fair, I have the freedom to do that. So
26:25
Speaker 1: that's fortunate for me. But I left the office an
26:28
Speaker 1: hour earlier and I was like, I'm going to do
26:30
Speaker 1: the grocery shopping for our cooking night. Then I started
26:33
Speaker 1: thinking about, oh, I need this grocery.
26:34
Speaker 2: Oh, we don't have that. Do we have that? And
26:35
Speaker 2: then all of a sudden I'm focusing on something else.
26:37
Speaker 2: Do we have this shit at home? I'm trying to
26:38
Speaker 2: go through the cupboards. I'm looking at everything.
26:41
Speaker 1: Then I go to Woolies and I'm buying all the shit.
26:42
Speaker 1: And then my cousin comes over and then we're talking
26:44
Speaker 1: and then we're talking about her job. By the end
26:47
Speaker 1: of the night, I hadn't thought once of the shit
26:50
Speaker 1: that I was thinking.
26:51
Speaker 2: About all day long.
26:52
Speaker 1: I wrapped up the day they left and I felt
26:54
Speaker 1: so good. I'm like, oh my God, I've done.
26:58
Speaker 2: All these tiny things.
27:00
Speaker 1: None of them were crazy instrumental things that made wild change,
27:03
Speaker 1: but all those things put together, I experienced my emotions, right?
27:07
Speaker 1: I removed myself from the situation. I thought about what
27:10
Speaker 1: I could do that was going to make me feel calmer.
27:12
Speaker 1: I did something tiny that made me feel like I'd
27:14
Speaker 1: accomplished something. And I had a great amount of connection
27:17
Speaker 1: with somebody that I love. And then by the end
27:20
Speaker 1: of the night, none of those problems had gone away.
27:23
Speaker 2: Not one. And I felt so fucking good. I felt
27:27
Speaker 2: it was under control.
27:28
Speaker 1: And then the next day, I rocked up to work
27:30
Speaker 1: with this attitude of like, every single one of those
27:33
Speaker 1: things in isolation is relatively easy. It's just a little
27:36
Speaker 1: bit annoying. I have to make a phone call that
27:38
Speaker 1: I might be on hold for. But I had this
27:40
Speaker 1: different air about me.
27:41
Speaker 2: I was like, it's easy. It's easy. It doesn't mean
27:44
Speaker 2: like it might be time consuming, might be this. I'm
27:47
Speaker 2: just going to chip away at it. I'm going to
27:49
Speaker 2: chip away. I'm going to chip away. And I felt
27:52
Speaker 2: On top of the world.
27:52
Speaker 1: So this is for me what I'm going to be
27:54
Speaker 1: doing every time I'm spiraling about something big or small.
27:57
Speaker 1: Because you can apply this to when you're going through
28:00
Speaker 1: like a heartbreak, when you're going through, you know, and
28:03
Speaker 1: your relief might be short-lived, as in you have that connection,
28:06
Speaker 1: you feel really good and then you remind yourself of
28:08
Speaker 1: the heartbreak. Or long-lived, like you can reframe how you
28:12
Speaker 1: approach your problems in that moment. But either way, you
28:15
Speaker 1: are going to get some respite from what you are experiencing,
28:20
Speaker 1: from that spiraling, from that suffering that you're going through, okay?
28:24
Speaker 1: So do all five things. I'm going to summarize those
28:26
Speaker 1: five things. It is number one, you want to stop
28:31
Speaker 1: suppressing it and actually allow yourself to feel that feeling.
28:34
Speaker 1: If you really want to get deep on that, go
28:36
Speaker 1: listen to my episode a few weeks or maybe months
28:38
Speaker 1: ago about tactical crying.
28:39
Speaker 2: There's so much science behind it. Just cry it out
28:42
Speaker 2: if you need to.
28:44
Speaker 1: And then number two is create that circuit breaker. Remove
28:46
Speaker 1: yourself from that location. Get out of that space. Even
28:49
Speaker 1: if you need to come back to the office, get
28:50
Speaker 1: out walk around the block, come back, sit down. That
28:54
Speaker 1: does wonders.
28:55
Speaker 2: Just remove yourself from that environment. That breaks that circuit.
28:58
Speaker 1: You've snapped and then you approach it with fresh eyes
29:02
Speaker 1: or a fresh mind. Number three, write a list or
29:05
Speaker 1: a letter saying, for me to become what would need
29:07
Speaker 1: to happen. And the key or the hint here is
29:10
Speaker 1: you want to broaden it. It doesn't have to be
29:12
Speaker 1: about the actual problem that you're facing. Think about other
29:15
Speaker 1: areas in your life that you know when those things
29:17
Speaker 1: are going well, It actually helps contribute to other things.
29:19
Speaker 1: Like if my home is completely tidy, it actually helps
29:22
Speaker 1: me feel a lot calmer in other areas, even though
29:24
Speaker 1: they're not directly related, things like that. Number four is
29:29
Speaker 1: I want you to accomplish something tiny.
29:32
Speaker 2: And remember, it is symbolic.
29:34
Speaker 1: It can be the smallest thing, but that accomplishment already
29:37
Speaker 1: makes you feel a bit better about the other thing
29:38
Speaker 1: that you're spiraling on. And ideally, that accomplishment, make it
29:42
Speaker 1: completely irrelevant to that thing that you're stressing about. So
29:44
Speaker 1: that way you're not in that thing. We're talking about
29:46
Speaker 1: how do we make ourselves feel better about ourselves in
29:48
Speaker 1: our mind. And number five, connect, create a nice connection,
29:53
Speaker 1: do something with someone, help someone with their problems, help
29:56
Speaker 1: someone problem solve, or just connect, go for a walk, talk,
30:01
Speaker 1: but to make it even more beneficial, be useful to someone,
30:05
Speaker 1: feel like you are useful, feel like someone needed you
30:09
Speaker 1: and you were there for them. Doesn't even have to
30:11
Speaker 1: be in a really hard thing, just doing something fun
30:13
Speaker 1: together even. And you are going to feel absolutely on
30:16
Speaker 1: top of the world by the.
30:17
Speaker 2: End of that.
30:18
Speaker 1: So those are my top five steps if you are spiraling. Guys,
30:23
Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening to today's episode. Love
30:26
Speaker 1: you guys so much. As always, remember, be kind to yourself,
30:28
Speaker 1: be kind to your brain. Don't take shit from anyone
30:31
Speaker 1: and especially don't take shit from yourself.
30:33
Speaker 2: Danke.