Latest / Untraditionally Lala / BONUS: So Nice, We Have To Do It Twice!

Transcript

BONUS: So Nice, We Have To Do It Twice! · Untraditionally Lala

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Hi, babes. Because I didn't think you were getting enough
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: of me. I have decided to shove myself down your
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: throats even further with a give them La La bout
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: episode each week.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: You're welcome for the first ever.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: It is, and we're gonna give you just enough. It's
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: like just the tip, just your yes. I wanted to
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: do bonus episodes that were more structured. So how this
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: is gonna work, how I would like it to work,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: because you know, we're dipping our toe in again just
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: the tip. The first podcast bonus podcast of each month
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: will be an og episode of VPR that will be
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: honing in on breaking down. You guys can weigh in
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: the rest of the episodes. I would like structured ames
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: so today, because I know what it's like going into
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: the holidays, and I feel like I'm very blessed and
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: privileged to have a beautiful community around me, friends, family,
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: But the holidays are tough, and coming out of the
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: holidays is also tough because you've got so much build
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: up and then it's just over and you've got like
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: gray snow outside wom WoT mm hmm, and then you
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: go straight into Valentine's Day, which is like love, you
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: don't have a husband, you don't have much, just a
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: lot like and I want to know your guys' thoughts
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: because I know I'm not the only one sitting here
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: being like, why am I a little bummed?
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Why am I a little bummed out?
• 1:33
  Speaker 4: There's so many great, great answers and things you guys
• 1:38
  Speaker 4: wrote in So thank you already.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Told me that there's like a lot of good good
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: shizzle my nizzle in the am s.
• 1:46
  Speaker 4: Absolutely, all right, let's go off. I do want to
• 1:49
  Speaker 4: start off with this one. It's because I think both
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: of you could really help dealing Oh well, reminder of
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: the question was what's the most difficult part about going
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: into the holidays as well as coming out of them?
• 2:01
  Speaker 4: So this one is dealing with the grief since my
• 2:06
  Speaker 4: mother passed. Holidays are honestly the worst lately.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that takes me right back to like
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: the first Christmas. Oh it makes me want to vomit.
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I don't. Here's the thing, it's it's a
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: mental thing, and you for me, I had to just
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: trump the negative thoughts.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, so that's what I did.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: So like having a glass of eggnog for my dad
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: was a happy thought for me. So little things like
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: that are what got me through. But it is it's shitty,
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: it's heart wrenching that, you know, you go through all
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: these you know, holidays and you have your whole family
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: and just one is taken and then it's never the same.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: No, But we do have a tight.
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: Knit group and it's it's easy to get through the
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: holidays with the love and support that we all give
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: each other.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: So you also have to remember where like what almost
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: six six six years in but the first one, it
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: was like I used to go home every holiday, every
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: Thanksgiving and every Christmas. And then when my dad passed away,
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: it was like Easton and my mom didn't want to
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: be in Utah because they had the constant reminder of, like,
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: we're still living in the home that I shared with
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: my husband or my dad for my whole life. So
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: I had the luxury of like I had moved out,
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: you know, like I kind of had a life. Started
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: Not saying that it was easy for me to get
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: through my dad's passing, but it was like they started
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: coming out to la for holidays and just everything shifted.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: And once that happened, holidays didn't feel like holidays anymore. Yeah,
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: you know, like I used to go home and it
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: was like my childhood home looked like Christmas had thrown
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: up all over it, right, you know, like Thanksgiving was
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: very structured and so much fun, and we had so
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: many things to look forward to, and it was like
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: the weather suit the time of year, you know, like
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: out here, it's like why is the sun shining on
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: December twenty fifth? Right, why is the sun out? Okay,
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: I don't get it. So just like everything shifted and
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: it felt very weird. Now, like Easton said, I think
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: implementing things into your holiday that so like the memory
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: of that parent is still in the home is very important.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: And again, holidays are tough, so you better find you
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: better find the spirit.
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: Really, it's up to you too. Like that's the other thing.
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: I can't help anybody get through it. You have to
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: help yourself get through it. And there's no right or wrong.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: You just got to do what gets you through it healthy,
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: not over drinking or exactly. But like just like like
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: I said, celebrating with a glass of eggnog for me
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: was for my dad. Pistachios that was for my dad.
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: They're just little things that I do to keep his
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: memory alive.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Even making sure yeah you know, well, even watching Christmas Vacation,
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: like Christmas Eve and on Christmas Day and on Thanksgiving,
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: like yeah, that shoved into our household, like down the
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: one thing I wish that we would do though tt
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: Like when we turned Christmas Vacation on when my dad
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: was alive, Like we were sitting down watching Christmas Vacation. Right,
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: it wasn't background noise, it was sit your flat asses
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: down and watch fucking Grizzly we did playing on the
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: heater like we had no one was on the phone,
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: So that I would like to start doing like we're
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: sitting down and watching a movie as a family. Yeah,
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: no electronics, no, No, like dusting mom. No, Like you
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: can wrap Christmas presents and that's about while watching it, right,
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: but nothing else.
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: Right, So to the point, I think, yeah, you just
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: got to keep the memory alive. And I feel like
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: that kind of helps you get through the holidays in
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: a healthy, happy spirit.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: I love that. I think that's beautiful.
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: I think it's different for every everyone. I'm just going
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: off of my grandpa because I was super close to him,
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: and of course my grandma.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: We did. We talked about it because.
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: I remember the feeling of my grandma not we were
• 6:07
  Speaker 4: getting closer to the first Christmas without him, and he
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: made Christmas so special, just.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: Like like you said, like stunning.
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: The house was gorgeous, and and then she was kind
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: of she was decorating with like her sons instead of
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: her husband. So I felt her going in the route
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: of not talking about him, and every time things were
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: brought up, like switching the subject. So I just made it,
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: started making it a tradition every Christmas when I'm home,
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: every Christmas Eve morning, going over having coffee two hours
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: just like talking about him and being like remember when
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: he did this, And of course yes we cry and
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: all that, but it's like beautiful because then we've got
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: it out his like energies in the home, and then
• 6:44
  Speaker 4: we go into the day like ready to take on
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: the home.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: I love that, Jess. Yeah, I feel like that's a
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: generational thing. Like heartbreak. Rough times, you sweep it under
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: the rug. We don't discuss it, We keep a stiff
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: upper lip. Yeah you don't cry. Yeah, I love it's
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: so like Mom said, God gave you tears for a reason.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: Emotions are beautiful. People should share them.
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: I totally agree, So thank you guys for sharing that.
• 7:13
  Speaker 4: This one is very common. Weight gain zero time to
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: exercise off all the Tamali's, Ravioli's, beverages and bread.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. Enjoy the hell out of
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: the holidays. Think of yourself like a bear. All right.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: You know what bears do. They go out. They are
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: freaking savages. They put on their winter weight because you
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: know what, it's time to go into hibernation. We got
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: to be warm, We got to be well fed before
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: we power down. Look at the holidays as that. Enjoy
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: all the good food in the freaking world. Know your
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: game plan when you come out of the holidays. But
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: give yourself some like room to chill, have some fun.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Like people say you can't talk about this
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: because you're a thin person, but don't twist it. There
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: are times I look in the mirror and I'm like, bitch,
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: you look, you're looking skinny, soft like this is not cute.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: But then you take a step back. We all have
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: our insecurities, no matter who you are, even the most
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: the baddest bitch on the planet, who you think is
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: the baddest bitch stands in the mirror naked and says,
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: I'm not digging X, Y and Z just not okay.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: So give yourself a little bit of like grace and
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: go and eat the sheet cake, Eat the fucking turkey
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: if you want it. Who gives a shit you want
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: three rolls, Eat the three rolls. It's time to freaking
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: celebrate and.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: Eat good, allowing yourself.
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: And this isn't interesting because I Kyle will have consultations
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: with his clients at home, and I will listen to
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: things he says because usually they're helpful for me.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you should talk about this because you've got someone
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: in the house who's like healthy and also doesn't what
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: is it He doesn't What is it when you keep something?
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: He doesn't deprive you of.
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: Good food, of good food.
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: And well, he's all about moderation, all of it. Extra size,
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: eating sweets, eating healthy. If you overdo anything, it's in
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: his opinion, very unhealthy, even EXTRACI.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: But also well, on.
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: That note, there was someone who was saying, I know
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: myself and there's gonna be a cake and I'm gonna
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: overeat it. They had talked about having an eating disorder,
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: a binge eating disorder and like, I know myself and
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: I'm afraid. They're like, I know I'm gonna do it.
• 9:29
  Speaker 4: I'm afraid of the guilt and the shame I feel after.
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: And he said that is something. Of course it's different
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: for everyone. But let's say you have you're a binge
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: eater and you're trying to and the holidays are so
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: tough for you, and you binge you there's a whole
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: cake and you eat it, and it's the guilt and
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: the shame afterwards is so difficult to deal with. But
• 9:54
  Speaker 4: that's something that he really encourages you to be like, look,
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: you ate it, move on, drink a bunch of water, right,
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: maybe focus having a salad with your next meal.
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: In fact, you're already you did it.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: You did it.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Do not.
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: The guilt and shame is just gonna take you in
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: a deeper hole, and you're gonna think, I already binge
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: it yesterday, I might as well do it today.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: Everything. No, you did it.
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: Now move on and be thankful that you enjoyed that,
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: and now have a little extra water, add some veggies
• 10:23
  Speaker 4: to your dinner. It's the it's the really trying to
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: keep yourself out of the spiraling and the guilt and
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: shame that goes with the holidays and eating. And I
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: know not we don't all deal with that, but it
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: was something I heard him talking about with a lovely woman,
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: and I was like, that's a great tip.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: You know what. I have so much respect for this
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: woman that she could pinpoint exactly what she's like. She's
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: self aware, she knows that she struggles, and she talked
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: about her fears if she does something that she knows
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: she's probably going to do. Yes. Yeah, I have mad
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: respect for that chick.
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: Me too, because it's like every year she was saying.
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: Every year I go in, I'm not gonna binge. I'm
• 10:59
  Speaker 4: not gonna binge.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: She's like, and I'm really afraid of it because I
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: know it happens every time. I like can't help it.
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: And he's like, Okay, if we know it's gonna happen, great,
• 11:08
  Speaker 4: it's gonna happen.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: And then here's the game plan for when it's all off. Yes, exactly, see,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: so you said it, but you've got like the professionalism
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: to back it up. For me, it's like, go into
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: the holiday and just enjoy life is so freaking stressful
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: as it is We're constantly trying to play keep up,
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: catch up and just go into the holiday, eat whatever
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: you want. But no, before you do that, this is
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: my game plan starting on this day. And I know
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: New Year's resolutions and the working out, I get it.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: I do the same thing where I'm like, I'm gonna
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: work out every day. Tunny, tunny, far. But let me
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: tell you something. The guilt that you feel after you
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: do something is going to kill you much quicker than
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: what you're actually doing. I remember when I was trying
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: to kick the vape, which we finally kicked, but I
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: would go a full day and then at the very
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: end of the day see Easton's and be like, I'm
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: fucking it and it feels so much guilt, And then
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: my mom would pile on and I was like, you
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: know what, I've just learned. The stress in the guilt
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: is going to kill me before the v Yes, I
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: can't have why at the end of the day, give.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: Me the fucking vape.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: I need something, right, right? I know I have nothing.
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: I know, well, I don't hit the vape in front
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: of her for that reason.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: You hit it on the way into podcasts, so it
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: fell on the ground, so I couldn't hide something that
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: fell on the ground, so I was like, you know what,
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: on the ground in the mouth and all it's all good.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: That's how I used to think about dicks on the ground,
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: in the ground, in the mouth, hanging on the ground. Oh,
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: trust me to the ground. That hurts me? Third leg,
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: try potting.
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: Let's move on quickly, quickly, There we go on to
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: the next.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: There we go happ.
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: Okay, be on your own at home and missing your
• 13:03
  Speaker 4: work social life.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: This is a good one because a lot of people
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: are like the break.
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: But what about the people that maybe struggle at home
• 13:10
  Speaker 4: right like work and miss their friends at work?
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: You guys, this justin there are people who actually enjoy
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: their jobs.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, me being one of them.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: Bravo. Jobs that are fun to exist. You can find them.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: You don't have to be tortured every day of your
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: life just to earn a paycheck. Actually that is I've
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: never had to think about that. But I actually love
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: that question because what if you go to work and
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: it's like I enjoy going because those people may be
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: like my coworkers, but they're actually my friends as well.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: Like me and Becky straight up talk about a lot
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: of cool shit, and it's.
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: Your social life, right kind of yeah?
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: Right, and then all of your work friends maybe go
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: and they have like their families or they got a
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: boyfriend that they're going home to, whatever it may be,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: and you go home and be by yourself. That is
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: when this is a much bigger issue, right, This is
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: more than just the holidays, Like you really have to
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: become okay being by yourself and pampering the fuck out
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: of yourself. Right, Enjoy the silence, take a warm, yummy bath,
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: get some like scrubs, and I get it. The break
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: is long, but now it's your job to start checking in.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: There's other people who are going to be staying in
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: town for the holiday, Like, go find other people you
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: know who would be great at answering this. My mother, yeah, yeah,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: she's terrified at being by herself when she first moved
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: out here. She's like, you're going out to dinner with
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: your friends. I'm like, you'll be okay. Take a warm bath,
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: light a candle, right, what do you mean, I'm like
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: in pamper yourself. Some people don't know how to take
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: a load off. Binge, watch a show, shut your brain down,
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: don't look at social media.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: Read books.
• 14:59
  Speaker 4: No, Yeah, that is one that is a great point
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: during the holidays.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: Stay off. Yeah. Social if you're a home alone.
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and you don't have a big family and you
• 15:08
  Speaker 4: don't have anyone to go to. Let's say you're spending
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: the holidays alone. Social media is, in my opinion, toxic
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: because you see.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: What you're missing out on.
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: You see all the big families, you see all the
• 15:19
  Speaker 4: all the presents under the tree, and it will get
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: you depressed. I totally co sign on the spoiling yourself,
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: even if it is just reading a book or binging
• 15:27
  Speaker 4: a show for ten hours. When can you sit at
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: home and binge a show for ten hours?
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: That's what I mean. So try to sink into like,
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: oh my gosh, we're going into a break. This is
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: going I am solely focusing on myself. I'm gonna try
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: this recipe. I'm gonna turn on I'm gonna binge watch Girls. Hello,
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: you have to be okay with two seasons ten episodes each. Yeah,
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna watch Christmas Vacation. I'm gonna make a homemade
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: bath scrub.
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: There's so many things that you can just like hunker
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: down and try to enjoy being with you.
• 15:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah, journal, make your goal if you're into that sort
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: of thing, make your goal list for twenty twenty four
• 16:04
  Speaker 4: things that will uplift you and make you happy.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: Go on a nice walk. I mean, I love being alone,
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: so this is hard.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: For me, but that's what I mean. I do too.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: When my mom and Easton went and left and I
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: was childless as well, I was like, I had friends
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: that were like, let's go out, and I'm like, when
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: I have the whole house, do I say, are you tripping?
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: I'm masturbating twenty seven times from that masturbating all masturbate.
• 16:27
  Speaker 4: Yes, Play with a few toys. Figure out what you like.
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: Maybe it's a new year, New year, new you.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: Maybe like I hope it helped. It sounds awesome. I
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: want to go be alone right now. I love you.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: That sounds awesome. Light a candle, get in the tub
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: and play with yourself and before you know it, you're
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: back at work. It's very time consuming.
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: Okay, spoil yourself. Oh this is a good one.
• 16:54
  Speaker 4: Pressure from family to be places and buy gifts.
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: Even my grandparents expect gifts with like.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: A oh my, you know what I would tell them.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: You know what, Graham, You've lost the spirit of Christmas,
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: and in lieu of a gift, I've made a donation
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: to the Humane Society in your name. They'll really start
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: hating gifts after that. Yes, we're not doing gifts anymore.
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: Okay, perfect, make them something homemade, they'll stop asking.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: Make them a card, they'll stop asking for gifts.
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: No.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: But really, I think anyone who's putting pressure on you,
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: I think you have to be completely honest. Say it's
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: the holiday. Maybe you've lost sight about what with what
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: the holidays are about. They're very much about being with family,
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: but it's also about enjoying yourself and taking a load off.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: So I will not be there. Also, I'm feeling a
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: lot of pressure with getting you a gift. Give them
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: a card that says you've made a donation in their honor.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 17:46
  Speaker 4: And also if you don't have the money, or if
• 17:48
  Speaker 4: you're struggling, or if you're really saving or pinching pennies,
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: just being upfront and honest about that, and if anyone
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: wants to give you shit about it, if you say, hey,
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: this year's been financially maybe I'm really budgeting, so I'm
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: not buying gifts, but I'll give you my time or
• 18:03
  Speaker 4: ten minutes.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: To grab it.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: It's like present, give me yes, So I'm giving you
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: the best gift of all, which is spending time with.
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: Me, or zoom with them if you can't be with them,
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: or a four to flight home zoom with Say, I'm
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: going to zoom with you and we'll share a little
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: cocktail or non alcoholic beverage over zoom and cheers.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: Make it cute. And if anyone wants to give you
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: shit about that, then.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: That's the other thing. When someone has an issue, let
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: it just be their issue, you know, don't.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: Let them put it on you.
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: Now, that's what I and everybody who has an issue
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: just shut up. It's not their issue, it's yours.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: Eat it. There's so many issues that happen without it
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: being the holidays. Don't bring the issue into the holidays.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: If there's one thing I love about the holidays, it
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: is that with my family there is no pressure. That's
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: a zero. And maybe it's because we don't have a
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: big family, but it's like, this is where we're going
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: to be. The more, the merrier. This is what we're
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: having for dinner. If you like to come, we're here.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: If you don't want to that's great too. We totally understand.
• 19:05
  Speaker 4: But yeah, I love that about my family too. It's
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: no pressure, no pressure, no pressure at all.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: Send a group chat, in a group chat, just like
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: I refuse to have pressure this year. I'm so excited
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: for the holiday. I hope that during this time we
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: can remember what's important. And this is what I'll be doing.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: And I love you all so so much, and I'll
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: see you in the new year. Yeah, can't wait.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: Bye bye.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: I'm going to Barbados with my friends. Merry Christmas, very good.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: Oh oh oh no, no, this.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: Is however reason could you imagine if we told Mom
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: we're not spending Christmas with her, she would lose her.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: You imagine me going, I don't think I'm gonna make
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: it to Palm Spring.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Oh, by the way, I would have lost it. I
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: would have been like, it is Christmas, but.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: The pressure, the But you guys are close, there's no pressure.
• 19:55
  Speaker 5: It's like, I'm going, there's all of four of us
• 19:58
  Speaker 5: host you will be coming to Okay, you have no girlfriend,
• 20:04
  Speaker 5: but the pressure, what do you have nothing?
• 20:06
  Speaker 4: As a parent, feeling like you didn't get a holiday
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: because everything is all about the kids.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: That's a good one. I'm sure. I mean, I'm sure
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: not a very apparent experience is but.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: No, but I mean ocean kicked our butts during the holiday, fool.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: But like I still didn't feel like it was like
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: I still felt the spirit.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: It wasn't just like you know, That's what I feel like.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: Is also, once Christmas ends and then you have that
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: chunk of time between the twenty sixth and the new year.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: That's why I think that having structure throughout the year
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: is so important because once the kids go to bed,
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: it is your time to just chill out and zen.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: And I think that's why motherhood got extremely hard for
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: me for a while, because there was no structure in Moore.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: There was no bedtime. It was like, you're going to
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: bed when I go to bed, and I can't even
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: like take a bath because if I take a bath,
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: you're gonna get out of my bed and come sit
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: with me, and then you're gonna undress and you're gonna
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: want to get in the bath with me. It was
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: zero alone time. So I think that even during the
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: holiday where it's so much fun to probably stay up
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: late with mom and dad and then you get them
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: to bed and you gotta fucking wrapped presence, and then
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: you gotta pretend like Santa came and eat the cookies
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: and set out the fucking milk. It's a lot of
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: freaking work. Yeah. Right, So on the twenty sixth, shit
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: goes back to normal. Right, you get to still be
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: off you get all day tomorrow, but you're still going
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: to bed. You don't have to go to bed. But
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: leave me the fuck alone. Yeah, don't talk to me.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: I'm off limits now, mom time is over.
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: Fend for yourselves, right, fend for yourself setting boundaries.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: Being I set boundaries with your children.
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: I can't even I am obviously not a pair of
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: But I remember a few years where my parents had
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: five kids, and there were a few years we were
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: all home at once, and there were years where I
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: could tell my parents were so extremely stressed, and there
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: were years that it was easy peasy, And I remember
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: talking with it with my mom about it years later
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: and being like, what was the difference, And she said,
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: the years we were crazy stressed is when I know
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: everyone can't do this. But my mom said, when we
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: kind of pushed everything, we didn't pre plan. She was like, we,
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: you know, last minute Christmas shopping. We were wrapping a
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: million gifts. The night of Christmas Eve, we were up
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: until five am. I was exhausted, I over spent, I
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: overdid all these things, she said, versus the years where
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: honestly we didn't get you guys as much. But I
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: would be out in the summer and I'd like buy
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: a couple gifts here and there.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: It was low key.
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: The meals weren't like wildly extravagant, but they were so cute.
• 22:56
  Speaker 4: And she said, I structured our time off, had something
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: planned every day to where your dad and I could
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: be like, Okay, on the twenty seventh, you guys have
• 23:05
  Speaker 4: a babysitter. We're going out to dinner like she planned it.
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: And again, I know that's not very easy for everyone,
• 23:12
  Speaker 4: especially working moms, but she said those years that she
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: pre planned it, it was like night and day.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I know so too. I think you have to
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: do it a very Yeah.
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: Christmas, Yeah, we were buying Christmas gifts in summer.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, September October.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: Shove them in the closet, hide them.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: And I've been buying her her Birthday presents also since
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: that time.
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: That's so nice, didn't you say that you had left
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: over Christmas for her birthday.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: She was so overwhelmed and she I had unopened gifts
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: that she had no desire to open, ye, which is
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: very strange. I know. So we're recycling. I told you,
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: guys that tell me about that photo real quick before
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: we sign off. You said that you saw something online
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: a girl with her dad and they went to I
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: think it was it.
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: Was a video you guys probably saw. It was a
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: TikTok or Instagram reels. It was so beautiful. I just
• 24:06
  Speaker 4: got goosbunch thinking about it. And it was a girl
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: and she was sitting at a pizza restaurant, like a
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: Dominoes or a Pizza or something, and her dad was
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: across from her, and she like was smiling, and there
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: was one pizza in between the two of them, and
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: he was eating the pizza and he looked so happy,
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: so happy, and she was smiling. And it was just
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: a quick video of them, and the caption read, you know,
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: remember the people who don't have huge families to go
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: home with and celebrate the holidays with, and there are
• 24:34
  Speaker 4: some of us who just have our dads and just
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: are sharing.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: A pizza on Christmas. Even this is good enough for
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: the two of us.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: But I love that. That's the spirit of Christmas.
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: Thing that I didn't like about that video is the
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: music she put behind me, because like, it's the video
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: and she put like this sad toned music that was
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: like she would have used like yeah, thing because it
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: was like it was it was the cutest moment ever,
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: and she was like with the music, it was like
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: feel bad for it, but it was like, no, this
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: is such a beautiful moment.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: Were just hanging with your Dad's awesome. There's no expectations.
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: You guys are just sitting here eating a pizza, about
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: to go home probably and get a little ice cream
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: and watch a movie. The most so simple thing.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: That was the only thing I didn't like. I was like,
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: why did she use this music?
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: I know a happy video.
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: I do wonder The one thing I wonder is if
• 25:30
  Speaker 4: we don't have background context, did they lose someone.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: I could have? It could be first Christmas without Mama
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: and that I will say.
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: But I mean, yeah, that was the only thing. But
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: I looked at it and I was like, what I'd
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: get for one night to go to pizza with my
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: dad again?
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: Beautiful?
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: Those are the little things that the sad music.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: No, but that's the Can I tell you that video
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: is the Christmas spirit?
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah? And the quick we all remember the spirit behind
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: why we're celebrating the happier our holidays. It's good to me.
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And that's why I love a Christmas story when
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: they have to go into the Chinese restaurant to have dinner.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: So good, so good.
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: I would I would do that every year because it
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: would be so great.
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: But this, yep, every year.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: I could do it without the deck. Before we sign off,
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: can I tell you what I fear going into a
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: new year? Yes. So I was talking to Jess and
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: Easton about this, and I don't want to get dark,
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: but this is where I think not only my head goes,
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: but I'm sure people who have experienced a tough year
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: or tough years in the past, but you sit there
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: and you're like, oh my gosh, we had such a
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: great year in twenty twenty three. We're gonna leave the
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: lows behind us, and like we're gonna take on twenty
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: twenty four. When I look back going into twenty eighteen
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: and I remember celebrating and having the best time ever,
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, yes, we're going into a new year.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: Little did I know twenty eighteen was going to hold
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: the death of my dad, Right, So I always fear
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: going into a new year, like it could be great.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: I'm expecting it to be great, but I know that
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: life happens. What is going to happen this year? That's
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: going to make me a little bit different of a person?
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: What speed bumps are.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: We gonna What speed bumps are we gonna hit? Where
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: like I'm no longer gonna be the person that I
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: was in twenty twenty three.
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: That's an amazing, amazing point because we don't see that enough.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: When you said that to me earlier, we.
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: See all the it's gonna be a great year, write
• 27:43
  Speaker 4: down your goals, And I was telling you, like I
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: am privileged enough to be able to go into a
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: year and be like, what amazing things are gonna happen.
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: But imagine if I was someone who every year had
• 27:56
  Speaker 4: some sort of trauma, like for the past five years,
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: a death that I'm gonna slowly, my brain's slowly going
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: to start programming to be like, what the fuck am
• 28:04
  Speaker 4: I gonna have to deal with this year? And it's
• 28:06
  Speaker 4: like I don't we don't think about those people enough,
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: I think, because that just to say, okay, just to
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: have hope.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: Going into a new year is enough.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: Sometimes That's what I think, yes, going into twenty twenty
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: four being hopeful. So for with that, I didn't mean
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: to bring down the mood, but just know that I'm
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: wishing you all a very happy and healthy twenty twenty four.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: May God bless you all, and remember God will never
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: take you to what He cannot take you through. I
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: hope you all believe in God. If not, just know
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: your higher power has got your back, all right. I
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: hope you enjoyed the first Bonus episode. That was fun.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: Ever it was that the forever right? Yeah, Ever, I've
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: never done a twenty four hit, right there? Help the
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: Bonus save you a boner. I love you, guys, and
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: I will catch you by the next Bonus episode.
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: Can master, but I'll see you next time.