Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Learning the 3 C’s with Madison Prewett Troutt

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Learning the 3 C’s with Madison Prewett Troutt · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Almost Famous.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Today we have a special guest. It is Maddie Pruitt Trout.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: She's coming on to talk about her new book, The
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: Love Everybody Wants. What you're looking for, It's already yours.
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: She in her last release, she was a best selling author.
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: Very excited to hear from her. Let's bring her on now.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Maddie. Hello, this is your post marriage Finding your Guy
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: book and I love this. Where should we begin, Like,
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: who needs to read this book?
• 0:42
  Speaker 4: Everybody?
• 0:42
  Speaker 5: I put the word everybody in my title for even
• 0:45
  Speaker 5: me married, even you married.
• 0:48
  Speaker 4: This is what's crazy.
• 0:49
  Speaker 5: I started writing this book single, okay, single and miserable
• 0:54
  Speaker 5: and mad that I was single, And then halfway through
• 0:57
  Speaker 5: writing this book I actually met Grant and finish this
• 1:00
  Speaker 5: manuscript a few months into marriage. And it's really crazy
• 1:04
  Speaker 5: that this message that I started writing single applies.
• 1:07
  Speaker 4: To me now married, which is just fun.
• 1:09
  Speaker 5: But yeah, I really do feel like this is a
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  Speaker 5: book for everybody, no matter your upbringing, no matter your age,
• 1:15
  Speaker 5: no matter your relationship status.
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: I do think that this is a message that applies
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: to everybody.
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: I'm glad you got married, And maybe for a reason
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: that isn't obvious, because I no longer have people messaging
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: me seeing will you please set me up with? Which
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: happened all the time. So you've you've lighted my load
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: a lot thanks to getting married. So with that being said,
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: you obviously came off of the show and you weren't
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: hurting for people trying to date you. What made Grant different? Like,
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: let's go back to that, Like what did he do
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: that the million other people that were in the day
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: you didn't do.
• 2:02
  Speaker 5: You know, this is one of my favorite questions because
• 2:04
  Speaker 5: I get to brag about my favorite person in this world.
• 2:07
  Speaker 5: But I think one thing that was so different about
• 2:11
  Speaker 5: Grant And this is gonna sound, you know, like a
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  Speaker 5: cheesy Christian answer, but it's actually just the truth. I
• 2:18
  Speaker 5: had never in my life met a man who had
• 2:21
  Speaker 5: the joy that he had, the confidence that he had,
• 2:25
  Speaker 5: and the way that he shared, the way that Jesus
• 2:29
  Speaker 5: had changed his life, and the way he shared just
• 2:33
  Speaker 5: his love for people and to make a difference and
• 2:35
  Speaker 5: to live a life on purpose.
• 2:37
  Speaker 4: I just was literally blown away.
• 2:39
  Speaker 5: Like I walked away from the date and I called
• 2:42
  Speaker 5: my mom and I started crying, and I was like,
• 2:44
  Speaker 5: I literally just met my husband and I never I
• 2:47
  Speaker 5: had never been that type of girl before. I'm like, okay,
• 2:49
  Speaker 5: here's the four hundred you know, things you have to
• 2:52
  Speaker 5: pass and you got to check this box in this box,
• 2:55
  Speaker 5: in this box.
• 2:56
  Speaker 4: And I just, I mean, I just knew.
• 2:58
  Speaker 5: And of course I the next you know, however, many
• 3:01
  Speaker 5: months after that evaluating, you know, like, let me look
• 3:04
  Speaker 5: at your patterns, you know, let me evaluate us together
• 3:08
  Speaker 5: and make sure we are you know, God's best for
• 3:10
  Speaker 5: each other. But I just knew off the bat, and
• 3:13
  Speaker 5: it just was his joy, his love for God, the
• 3:15
  Speaker 5: way he interacted with people, even our waiter, the way
• 3:18
  Speaker 5: he treated him and you know, asked questions, and just
• 3:21
  Speaker 5: the way he shared his story and asked me questions.
• 3:23
  Speaker 5: I just I just knew. But I mean, there's so
• 3:27
  Speaker 5: much into that. But yeah, I think like, pretty immediately
• 3:30
  Speaker 5: God gave me peace, and just the way that I
• 3:32
  Speaker 5: just watched him love God and love people just drew
• 3:35
  Speaker 5: me in immediately.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: How'd you guys meet the real?
• 3:39
  Speaker 5: Okay, well, this was funny. I was on a podcast
• 3:43
  Speaker 5: about my other book made for this moment, and at
• 3:47
  Speaker 5: the podcast ended and like one of the co hosts
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  Speaker 5: was like, hey, are you single, and I was like, well,
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  Speaker 5: I mean I am, but I'm not looking for anyone
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  Speaker 5: right now. I mean I was in like the busiest
• 3:58
  Speaker 5: season of my life. I'm like, the last thing on
• 3:59
  Speaker 5: my mind right now is a relationship. That was probably
• 4:02
  Speaker 5: the first time I'd ever been at that point in
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  Speaker 5: my life. I was boy crazy growing up, so, you know,
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  Speaker 5: always wanted to be in a relationship and finally reach
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  Speaker 5: a point where I'm like I don't want.
• 4:12
  Speaker 4: To be in a relationship.
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  Speaker 5: And of course this guy's like, Hey, I have this
• 4:15
  Speaker 5: person I want to introduce you to and I was like, cool,
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  Speaker 5: I'm not really interested. Don't do blind dates. And he
• 4:20
  Speaker 5: was like, okay, well, let me just like think on
• 4:22
  Speaker 5: it for a little bit. Circles back around a month
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  Speaker 5: later and he's like, no, I really want to set
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  Speaker 5: you up with this guy. He's like my best friend,
• 4:29
  Speaker 5: and I really think you guys would click. And so
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  Speaker 5: we got set up on a blind date. We literally
• 4:34
  Speaker 5: like didn't know each other. We didn't know anything about
• 4:36
  Speaker 5: each other. I ended up finding out like who he was,
• 4:39
  Speaker 5: and I stalked his instagram right before I went on
• 4:41
  Speaker 5: the date. And I was like, he's cute. He played
• 4:43
  Speaker 5: basketball at the plus. But but yeah, we really didn't.
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  Speaker 5: We didn't know each other at all, and just like
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  Speaker 5: went into the first date just like genuinely asking each
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  Speaker 5: other so many questions about the other person.
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  Speaker 4: He had never watched the show. He didn't know.
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  Speaker 5: Anything about my life other than like he had found
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  Speaker 5: out that I was on a TV show.
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: But yeah, it was. It was pretty wild.
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  Speaker 6: So there's a I want to dig in for a
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  Speaker 6: second them Because you.
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  Speaker 3: Guys, met he impressed you on the first day.
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  Speaker 6: You knew something special was going to happen.
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  Speaker 3: Obviously for myself growing up in the church and still
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: being very connected to my faith. I have a lot
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: of friends who are women who are now later in
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: life than they thought they would be and still single.
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: There's a lot to that we could walk through and
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: break down and figure out the reasons. One of the
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: I would say stereotypes and one of the maybe true
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: themes there is that I feel as a friend to them,
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: what I tell them is you are looking for.
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  Speaker 6: Mister perfect, and mister perfect doesn't exist.
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  Speaker 3: And so I so you mentioned earlier, said okay, on
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: the first day, and you found a guy who was
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  Speaker 3: confident spoke about his faith.
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  Speaker 6: You were attract to all those things.
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  Speaker 3: And you're like, something specially here, and then you went
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  Speaker 3: the four hundred other things that made sure that there
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: is chemistry or whatever there.
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  Speaker 6: It's where Okay, it's in the four.
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  Speaker 3: Hundred other things that I think there's a problem because
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: at some point there's a four hundo other things and
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  Speaker 3: not all four hundred check off totally, and that one
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  Speaker 3: red flag. I think, especially with men and women in
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: Christian circles, they go not my guy or not my woman,
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: not my partner. So speak a little bit also, you know,
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: pulling some wisdom from the book about what happens there,
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: like what happens in that limbo space, because I think
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: it's becoming frustrating for many.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, totally.
• 6:35
  Speaker 5: I mean I have so I have a few different
• 6:37
  Speaker 5: chapters that I feel like touched on some of the
• 6:39
  Speaker 5: things that you alluded to. I do have a whole
• 6:40
  Speaker 5: chapter on specifically on red flags, because I feel like
• 6:43
  Speaker 5: that was a big thing for me. Was a lot
• 6:45
  Speaker 5: of times I've actually found myself like tolerating, you know,
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  Speaker 5: red flags and just ignoring them and being like it's
• 6:51
  Speaker 5: the one it's not to deal, and you know, it
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  Speaker 5: ended up costing me, I don't know, peace and purpose
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  Speaker 5: and so many other things that are much more valuable
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  Speaker 5: to me.
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  Speaker 4: And so I have a whole chapter on that.
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  Speaker 5: But I do think that that is an important, an
• 7:07
  Speaker 5: important thing to talk about when it comes to like
• 7:09
  Speaker 5: expectations and what you're looking for in another person. And
• 7:13
  Speaker 5: you know, I have this line in my book where
• 7:15
  Speaker 5: I talk about how unhealthy expectations just just creates like
• 7:20
  Speaker 5: it just creates a tension in your life because you're
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  Speaker 5: just constantly fantasizing over something that's not a reality.
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  Speaker 4: It's not real.
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  Speaker 5: No one's perfect, you're not, We're not perfect. I'm not perfect.
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  Speaker 5: But healthy expectations uphold standards, and so it's it's being
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  Speaker 5: able to define what are healthy expectations. And for me,
• 7:38
  Speaker 5: it always came back to like what do I value most?
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  Speaker 5: Like what's the most important thing to me? Like, you know,
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  Speaker 5: expecting someone to be this heighth, this job, this, you know,
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  Speaker 5: this personality, this, these values, this perspective on life, this background, this,
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  Speaker 5: I mean, having so many expectations on someone just feels
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  Speaker 5: unrealistic and unhealthy. And so for me, I eventually just
• 8:01
  Speaker 5: had to get to a point of like what do
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  Speaker 5: I care about the most, Like what's the most valuable
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  Speaker 5: thing to me?
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  Speaker 4: And then base that, you know, off of my decision.
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  Speaker 5: And I'm such a big believer personally just in peace,
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  Speaker 5: which is really hard to define because it's not a
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  Speaker 5: feeling and it's not something you can just like check
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  Speaker 5: a box. But for me, like first date with Grant,
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  Speaker 5: I mean it wasn't even that it was like, oh,
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  Speaker 5: you checked a million boxes, or even moving forward past
• 8:25
  Speaker 5: that first date, I just had like so much peace
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  Speaker 5: that he was, you know, the man I'd been praying
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  Speaker 5: for and hoping for. And so yeah, I think we
• 8:34
  Speaker 5: really have to like check ourselves and ask ourselves, like,
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  Speaker 5: are are the same things we're expecting in other people?
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  Speaker 4: Do we have? And do we offer?
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  Speaker 5: I think it's really easy to just like want that
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  Speaker 5: and someone else and not even be a person who's
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  Speaker 5: like currently walking that out in our own lives. And
• 8:50
  Speaker 5: so for me, it's like, if I'm looking for someone
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  Speaker 5: you know who has these things and I value this
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  Speaker 5: in a person, am I practicing that and.
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  Speaker 4: Being that in my own life?
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  Speaker 5: And so I do think it starts there and then
• 9:02
  Speaker 5: just asking yourself, like what's the most valuable thing, Like
• 9:04
  Speaker 5: what's the most important thing?
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: Is it their faith? Is it their family? Is it there?
• 9:09
  Speaker 5: You know, I don't know, Like what's the most important
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  Speaker 5: thing to you? And then start basing your decisions off
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  Speaker 5: of that. So yeah, I'd probably say that I had to.
• 9:18
  Speaker 5: It took me a while to get to that point,
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  Speaker 5: but I finally got there.
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: What was initially a red flag or a difference that
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: you and Grant had that you had to kind of
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: overcome and be like, you know what, that's not really important.
• 9:30
  Speaker 6: It's a great question.
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  Speaker 5: That is a good question because I I write all
• 9:34
  Speaker 5: about like the different I have. I talk about seven
• 9:36
  Speaker 5: different red flags in my book. I don't I can't
• 9:40
  Speaker 5: say that any of the ones that I talk about
• 9:42
  Speaker 5: my book Grant had past relationships. There were many that
• 9:49
  Speaker 5: people had, you know, like one like don't date potential,
• 9:52
  Speaker 5: like dating someone for who they could be and not
• 9:54
  Speaker 5: who they are right now.
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: I think we do that a lot, you know.
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  Speaker 5: We we hope someone will just change, and so we're
• 9:59
  Speaker 5: willing to like put up, you know, with toxic tendencies
• 10:02
  Speaker 5: or things that are super unhealthy because we're like, oh
• 10:04
  Speaker 5: it'll get better, it'll change, or it'll change for me,
• 10:07
  Speaker 5: and we think we can change them. But what happens,
• 10:10
  Speaker 5: you know, when they never change or they end up
• 10:12
  Speaker 5: changing you for the worst, that's where it gets really dangerous.
• 10:16
  Speaker 5: And so I have you know, a whole section on
• 10:17
  Speaker 5: that one. I think when you know, behaviors and beliefs
• 10:20
  Speaker 5: don't align, so when they just talk the talk, they
• 10:23
  Speaker 5: don't actually live it out. A person's behavior should tell
• 10:27
  Speaker 5: you everything you need to know, even if they're telling
• 10:29
  Speaker 5: you they value you, even if they tell you that
• 10:31
  Speaker 5: they value faith, family, whatever it may be. If their
• 10:35
  Speaker 5: life's you know, patterns and habits aren't habits aren't reflecting that,
• 10:40
  Speaker 5: then there's some type of disconnect and that's not healthy.
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: And so just the importance of.
• 10:45
  Speaker 5: You know, behaviors, following their belief system and paying attention
• 10:50
  Speaker 5: to that and what that actually looks like. And so
• 10:52
  Speaker 5: I think, I like, along the way through all my
• 10:55
  Speaker 5: different relationships, even you know, dating publicly, and having to
• 10:59
  Speaker 5: really ask myself, Maddie, like what do you value most?
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 11:02
  Speaker 4: What do you believe?
• 11:03
  Speaker 5: Where is your identity? You know, what are you looking
• 11:07
  Speaker 5: for in a spouse?
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: Like?
• 11:09
  Speaker 5: Those were hard questions I had to ask myself and
• 11:12
  Speaker 5: I learned a lot along the way. I think that,
• 11:14
  Speaker 5: like there weren't red flags necessarily with Grant, I think
• 11:19
  Speaker 5: that there are going to often be, you know, in relationships,
• 11:22
  Speaker 5: because no one's perfect, there's going to be those I
• 11:24
  Speaker 5: don't know what gray flags or something, yellow.
• 11:26
  Speaker 6: Flags, a flags.
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm like, what do I called?
• 11:29
  Speaker 5: I don't know. Yeah, Like there's going to be things
• 11:32
  Speaker 5: like there were things about my life. He came from
• 11:34
  Speaker 5: a very private, you know, life and upbringing, and here's
• 11:39
  Speaker 5: you know, this girl who lives a very public life,
• 11:41
  Speaker 5: who her whole entire relationship was on TV for a
• 11:43
  Speaker 5: lot of people to see.
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: That was hard for him.
• 11:45
  Speaker 5: He was like, you know, that's that's weird for me
• 11:48
  Speaker 5: that people are coming up and they know about your
• 11:51
  Speaker 5: life and you know, they want to know about our relationship.
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: Like that's new to me.
• 11:54
  Speaker 5: And so that was something he had to really ask
• 11:56
  Speaker 5: himself of, like do I want to be in a relationship,
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: you know, with someone who they've people have watched her
• 12:03
  Speaker 5: previous relationship you know, on display for a lot of
• 12:06
  Speaker 5: people to see. That was something he had to figure
• 12:08
  Speaker 5: out and ask himself. And so there's just you know,
• 12:11
  Speaker 5: things like that. I think along the way just family things,
• 12:14
  Speaker 5: you know, personality things that you just have to ask yourself, like,
• 12:17
  Speaker 5: am I willing to be okay with you know, this
• 12:21
  Speaker 5: aspect of their life?
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: Can I Can I be okay with this?
• 12:25
  Speaker 5: Can I still love them even with this you know
• 12:29
  Speaker 5: thing in their life? And so I think there's of
• 12:30
  Speaker 5: course going to be things like that, but it's like
• 12:32
  Speaker 5: the red flags that we have to really pay attention
• 12:34
  Speaker 5: to and ask ourselves if we can if it's really okay.
• 12:38
  Speaker 6: Well, you've been married long enough now that.
• 12:41
  Speaker 4: I'm an expert. Now I'm ten, you know I'm an expert.
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 12:46
  Speaker 6: They It's funny.
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: I had a lot of bad going into marriage advice,
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: and a lot of it was circled around people who
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: are like, don't do it. You know, it's life's gonna suck,
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: everything gets taken away from you. All those things were
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: said to me, and I knew Jessica well enough. I
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: knew those things were not true, and I was excited.
• 13:07
  Speaker 6: To marry her with that being said.
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: So marriage for me has been an amazing experience. But
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: there are things once you get married where the the
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: veil is lifted, the honeymoon phases over, you're living life
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: side by side. You're living life together and it's not
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: as maybe I'm going to say, like you fourk as
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: maybe a good old Christian kid is told it's going
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: to be like sometimes it just doesn't feel like, you know,
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: marriage makes a ton of sense. With that being said,
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: I believe it's still worth it. So as you're ten
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: months in, I'm assuming that it hasn't, you know, always
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: been perfect. So how do you and Grant deal with
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: the imperfection while at the same time trying to heal
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: or to get over the expectations that maybe came from
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: growing up in a faith background that is telling you
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: marriage is.
• 14:08
  Speaker 6: The answer to every totally.
• 14:11
  Speaker 5: I love this question so much because, honestly, the amount
• 14:14
  Speaker 5: of voice memos that I was sending your wife about
• 14:16
  Speaker 5: three months into marriage, and I'm like, Henny, can you pray?
• 14:23
  Speaker 5: I am so I love this question because I don't
• 14:27
  Speaker 5: think that this gets talked about enough, Because I do
• 14:30
  Speaker 5: think there's a reality of marriage is such a gift,
• 14:33
  Speaker 5: and I think all three of us could agree it's
• 14:36
  Speaker 5: such a gift. It's great, it's amazing, it's a blessing.
• 14:39
  Speaker 5: But at the same time, like a good relationship, like
• 14:42
  Speaker 5: any good relationship is going to take work, and there's
• 14:44
  Speaker 5: a lot that you got to put into it. And
• 14:47
  Speaker 5: I think one thing that I personally didn't realize was
• 14:51
  Speaker 5: I was honestly coming into marriage very me focused, like
• 14:54
  Speaker 5: how is marriage going to you know, bless me?
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: And what am I?
• 14:57
  Speaker 5: How's it going to make me feel? And what am
• 14:59
  Speaker 5: I going to get out of it? How's it going
• 15:01
  Speaker 5: to serve me? And I just realized very quickly that
• 15:06
  Speaker 5: in order for this marriage to be the healthiest and
• 15:08
  Speaker 5: strongest that it can be, first of all, it's got
• 15:10
  Speaker 5: to be rooted on something bigger than me, and something
• 15:12
  Speaker 5: bigger than you and bigger than us. It's got to
• 15:15
  Speaker 5: be rooted on on God's love. And so, you know,
• 15:19
  Speaker 5: I knew that, but I think it came, you know,
• 15:22
  Speaker 5: to a whole new It just was it's a whole
• 15:25
  Speaker 5: new thing when you're actually having to walk it out.
• 15:27
  Speaker 5: And so for me realizing that and then also realizing, hey,
• 15:31
  Speaker 5: this is a we relationship, not a me relationship, and
• 15:34
  Speaker 5: so for me for us to have a healthiest, strong relationship,
• 15:38
  Speaker 5: like I got to constantly be viewing this as like
• 15:40
  Speaker 5: how can I serve you? How can I love you?
• 15:42
  Speaker 5: How can I you know, add value to your life
• 15:45
  Speaker 5: and lay my life down for you and vice versa.
• 15:48
  Speaker 5: And so I definitely think that has taken a very
• 15:51
  Speaker 5: long I say a long time. I'm like, we're ten months,
• 15:53
  Speaker 5: and that took like, you know, six or seven months
• 15:56
  Speaker 5: for me to really embrace that perspective. I think the
• 16:00
  Speaker 5: first few months, I was very much seeing marriage as
• 16:03
  Speaker 5: a gift, but also very much, to be honest, you know,
• 16:06
  Speaker 5: grieving my single life, like grieving you know, life as
• 16:10
  Speaker 5: an independent of being able to do whatever I wanted,
• 16:13
  Speaker 5: when I wanted, how I wanted, you know. And that's
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: just something I didn't feel like you said, been like
• 16:18
  Speaker 5: the church really talked about. It was just like, marriage
• 16:20
  Speaker 5: is awesome, it's the best find your person and everything
• 16:23
  Speaker 5: will be perfect.
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: And you get in a marriage and all of a sudden,
• 16:25
  Speaker 4: you're like, is something wrong with me? Did I say?
• 16:28
  Speaker 4: You know? Did did I not hear from God?
• 16:31
  Speaker 5: And it's just like, no, everybody has those feelings because
• 16:34
  Speaker 5: you're literally marrying an imperfect human and by the way,
• 16:38
  Speaker 5: you're imperfect.
• 16:40
  Speaker 4: And that was the root awakening for me.
• 16:41
  Speaker 5: I was like, Oh, all these things I thought I
• 16:43
  Speaker 5: had already dealt with in my life are resurfacing, you know,
• 16:47
  Speaker 5: insecurities and past pains and hurts and traumas and trust
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: issues and all the things like they're resurfacing, and you know,
• 16:55
  Speaker 5: I'm having to I'm having to deal with them, and
• 16:58
  Speaker 5: so yes, I I think, you know, the biggest thing
• 17:01
  Speaker 5: for us has truly been like, hey, what is the
• 17:04
  Speaker 5: why behind our marriage? What is the purpose behind our marriage?
• 17:07
  Speaker 5: It's so much bigger than us. It's not about us,
• 17:09
  Speaker 5: It's about you know, a greater love. And truly, that's
• 17:12
  Speaker 5: really why I wrote this book, was even in my
• 17:15
  Speaker 5: singleness realizing, you know, Maddie, you're looking for all the
• 17:18
  Speaker 5: right things in all the wrong places. You're trying to
• 17:21
  Speaker 5: find this amazing love that's going to complete you and
• 17:25
  Speaker 5: satisfy you and fulfill you in every single way in
• 17:28
  Speaker 5: another person, and that just can't be found in another person.
• 17:31
  Speaker 5: And I tried for so long for it to be
• 17:33
  Speaker 5: found in another person. And so that was kind of
• 17:36
  Speaker 5: the awakening and epiphany I had in singleness, and it
• 17:38
  Speaker 5: was almost like I had to relearn that in marriage too,
• 17:41
  Speaker 5: like oh, yeah, he can't meet my every desire and
• 17:44
  Speaker 5: need and satisfy me in every way. He's going to
• 17:47
  Speaker 5: continue to fail me, and I'm going to continue to
• 17:48
  Speaker 5: fail him. And it's just having that patience and that
• 17:52
  Speaker 5: forgiveness and that kindness towards each other and just keeping
• 17:56
  Speaker 5: the right perspective that's honestly kept us just move forward.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: You guys didn't live together before you got married, so
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: I'm assuming that was a huge, like not a hurdle,
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: let's just call it a hurdle because like joining yourself
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: in the same house is it's huge because like then
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: you have to live with you have to you have
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: to learn each other as just like living tendencies. Did
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: that play a role and maybe the first few months
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: being like, oh wow, this isn't as logicals I thought.
• 18:35
  Speaker 5: You know, I think it's definitely when like as as
• 18:39
  Speaker 5: a Christian, when you're really pursuing you know, purity and
• 18:43
  Speaker 5: God's will, I will say, you know, yeah, getting getting married,
• 18:47
  Speaker 5: it's like you go from zero to one hundred.
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: It's yeah, whoa, there's a lot of.
• 18:51
  Speaker 5: Things I'm introducing in my life right now. Everard, I
• 18:54
  Speaker 5: never done that before. Okay, this is new, and so
• 18:58
  Speaker 5: I definitely think there was of course, like an adjustment
• 19:00
  Speaker 5: like anything, you know, it's changed, it's an adjustment. There's
• 19:04
  Speaker 5: a lot you're learning in a very quick time. It's
• 19:08
  Speaker 5: all happening, you know, quickly. I will say, though, even
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: though it had of course it's like challenges. Like I
• 19:16
  Speaker 5: look back and I'm truly, so so so grateful that
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: that was our story and that we yeah, that we
• 19:25
  Speaker 5: we hadn't lived together, and that we hadn't slept together,
• 19:28
  Speaker 5: and that that was something that we did say for marriage.
• 19:30
  Speaker 5: I think it it of course, like I said, you know,
• 19:33
  Speaker 5: there was the you have to figure it out at
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: the beginning, but it also, you know, in my opinion,
• 19:37
  Speaker 5: made it that much more special and just really invited,
• 19:41
  Speaker 5: you know, got into it in such a special way too,
• 19:44
  Speaker 5: And so I'm super grateful for it. And I actually
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: have a whole chapter also on purity alone because I
• 19:49
  Speaker 5: think that is such a hot topic in a lot
• 19:53
  Speaker 5: of different ways, and you know, something that is not easy,
• 19:59
  Speaker 5: but I do believe it's is super worth it. And
• 20:01
  Speaker 5: so yeah, definitely definitely an adjustment. But I think the surprises,
• 20:07
  Speaker 5: you know that were just like oh to know a
• 20:09
  Speaker 5: lot abouue, you know, have now become like things that
• 20:12
  Speaker 5: I truly love and value you know about him and
• 20:16
  Speaker 5: about our relationship and just grateful that it is a
• 20:19
  Speaker 5: part of our story.
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: There's you know, Maddie, the beauty of this is. I
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: do think books like yours the love that everybody wants
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: is important.
• 20:33
  Speaker 6: Because as I said before, I think there is a.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: Large lie kind of with great intentions coming through, especially
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: people trying to do relationships right and well and honoring
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: in God's eyes and honoring to the faith that you're professing.
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: There's a large lie of beneath it that needs to
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: be There needs to be some reality and truth exposed. Like, hey,
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: when you get married, it's not all rainbows and better flies,
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: like it sometimes really sucks. It's sometimes really are Sometimes
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: you question everything about yourself and you got to work
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: through that and all these things. And hey, when you're dating,
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: sometimes you're gonna, you know, maybe not make the wise
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: decision and date the right person, or you're going to
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: take it steps farther than you thought you ever would,
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: And there's going to have to be a lot of
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: grace and forgiveness within that, and all these things that
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: are told over and over again within the church. I
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: think books like yours can help bring a reality to
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: people that are pursuing in dating and so My question
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: then with this is if there's somebody out there I
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: want to go to the single person who is listening
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: to say, I'm going to read the book. I just
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: love Maddie. I read anything she writes, and I'm very
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: intrigued by this book. What's gain Let me rephrase this.
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: What's the message to the reader that you hope they
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: get from your book? Yeah, in general, married, single, dating, whatever,
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: in general?
• 21:57
  Speaker 5: I think it's a two part one I want to
• 21:59
  Speaker 5: speak to because you alluded to this, I think one
• 22:02
  Speaker 5: of the biggest messages that I truly do want, you know,
• 22:05
  Speaker 5: people to take away from this again, no matter where
• 22:08
  Speaker 5: their faith background is, or who they are, what they
• 22:10
  Speaker 5: come from, or the decisions they made up until this point,
• 22:13
  Speaker 5: is truly that a partner in life is not meant
• 22:16
  Speaker 5: to complete you and will never complete you.
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: And they are meant to be a compliment to you.
• 22:22
  Speaker 5: They're meant to add value to your life. They are
• 22:25
  Speaker 5: meant to be an addition, but not a completion, And
• 22:28
  Speaker 5: that your purpose is not a person, your identity is
• 22:32
  Speaker 5: not a relationship status. We have so much value to
• 22:36
  Speaker 5: add to this world no matter we are, if we're
• 22:38
  Speaker 5: in a single season of life, a married season of life.
• 22:43
  Speaker 5: Our heart cannot be whole and complete by anyone else
• 22:46
  Speaker 5: other than the one who created it. And so that
• 22:48
  Speaker 5: is something that I'm extremely passionate about, is just helping
• 22:52
  Speaker 5: especially women, understand like you don't have to compromise your
• 22:56
  Speaker 5: values and convictions. You don't have to change who you
• 22:58
  Speaker 5: are in order to be liked and a except by
• 23:00
  Speaker 5: someone else. You actually can just be exactly who God
• 23:04
  Speaker 5: has called you to be and trust that you are
• 23:07
  Speaker 5: where you are for a reason and that you're not
• 23:09
  Speaker 5: walking around less whole or half a person, waiting for
• 23:13
  Speaker 5: someone else to come along and complete you.
• 23:15
  Speaker 4: Like there there is so much.
• 23:18
  Speaker 5: There's just so much on your life, and I just
• 23:20
  Speaker 5: think that's something that I'm super super passionate about. And
• 23:23
  Speaker 5: then really the inspiration behind this book came when, you know,
• 23:27
  Speaker 5: I was at a place in my life where I
• 23:28
  Speaker 5: was miserable being single and I didn't want to be single,
• 23:30
  Speaker 5: and every single one of my friends were getting married
• 23:33
  Speaker 5: and I think I had caught like fifteen wedding bouquets,
• 23:36
  Speaker 5: and I was like, in this thing supposed to like
• 23:38
  Speaker 5: do something, you.
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: Know, like I aren't I supposed to be married by now?
• 23:41
  Speaker 5: Like I was so confused, and I was frustrated, and
• 23:43
  Speaker 5: I was like, Okay, I thought I was gonna be
• 23:45
  Speaker 5: married by you know, this age, and I thought I
• 23:47
  Speaker 5: would be having kids by now, and I thought this
• 23:49
  Speaker 5: is what my life would look like.
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: And I was just so frustrated.
• 23:52
  Speaker 5: And I remember, you know, reading in the Bible Matthew
• 23:55
  Speaker 5: twenty two the two Greatest Commandments that I grew up
• 23:58
  Speaker 5: hearing like a million times in church, and I was like, okay,
• 24:00
  Speaker 5: Like God, why are you like you know, these verses
• 24:03
  Speaker 5: on my heart? But it was like I saw it
• 24:04
  Speaker 5: in a new light. And in these verses it talks about,
• 24:08
  Speaker 5: you know, our two greatest commandments, our greatest calling and
• 24:10
  Speaker 5: purpose in this life is to love the Lord, our
• 24:12
  Speaker 5: God with all of our heart, soul, in mind. And
• 24:14
  Speaker 5: then the second says and to love your neighbor as yourself.
• 24:17
  Speaker 5: And for the first time I saw these three loves
• 24:20
  Speaker 5: being highlighted to me, and not only the importance of
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: these three loves, but the importance of the order of
• 24:25
  Speaker 5: these three loves. And so in this book I wanted
• 24:28
  Speaker 5: to talk about Hey, it starts as the foundation. God's
• 24:31
  Speaker 5: love is the foundation for everything in which we build
• 24:34
  Speaker 5: on and if we don't get that right, it's like
• 24:35
  Speaker 5: we're trying to build a house on quicksand it's like
• 24:38
  Speaker 5: it's gonna fall, it's gonna mess up, it's gonna be like,
• 24:41
  Speaker 5: especially when storms of life come, like, we've got to
• 24:44
  Speaker 5: have our foundation built on something greater than ourselves and
• 24:48
  Speaker 5: on something greater than this world. And so having our
• 24:51
  Speaker 5: life and our love life built on God's love. And
• 24:53
  Speaker 5: then the second is learning to love and value ourselves.
• 24:56
  Speaker 5: I think for a lot of us, we don't know
• 24:57
  Speaker 5: how to love ourselves and we definitely don't know how
• 24:59
  Speaker 5: to like ourselve. And so it's like, how do we
• 25:02
  Speaker 5: learn how to value ourselves, see ourselves as valuable so
• 25:06
  Speaker 5: that we can enter into these relationships and with other
• 25:09
  Speaker 5: people from a place of I know who I am,
• 25:13
  Speaker 5: and whether you accept me or reject me, that doesn't
• 25:15
  Speaker 5: take or steal from my you know the reality of
• 25:18
  Speaker 5: my identity and who I am, and being able to
• 25:21
  Speaker 5: enter relationships from a place of abundance and not lack,
• 25:24
  Speaker 5: not looking to be completed, but looking to find someone
• 25:27
  Speaker 5: to compliment, and looking for someone to compliment us. And
• 25:30
  Speaker 5: so those are the two you know, first two loves
• 25:32
  Speaker 5: and then the third is, you know, from those two places,
• 25:35
  Speaker 5: having healthy and strong relationships with God and ourselves, then
• 25:39
  Speaker 5: we're able to you know, develop healthy and strong relationships
• 25:42
  Speaker 5: with other people. And so it's getting those relationships in
• 25:46
  Speaker 5: order that we're able to have the thriving relationships in
• 25:49
  Speaker 5: love that we all do down't want.
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: So my Nanny Dawson s Nanni. She is the most
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: amazing angel on earth and I'm so blessed to have her.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: Like when we found her, we were like, what's your schedule, Like,
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: like what do you need us to work around? And
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: she was like, I just want to go to church
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: on Sundays, like I could have Sundays mainly off. And
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: I was like, you're hired. Answer. She's just literally the
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: perfect partner I could ever imagine for somebody. But she
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: says that like she has a really hard time dating
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: because like she basically just dates in her church's circle.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: So like all the people in her church are just
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: they just kind of that's the pool. That's the dating pool.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: What advice do you have for her? Like somebody who's
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: looking for somebody of faith, but like it's it's having
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: a hard time finding it.
• 26:43
  Speaker 4: Well, you're not alone and I understand that.
• 26:46
  Speaker 5: I remember being at a place where I felt like, Okay,
• 26:48
  Speaker 5: at some point, I'm going to have to compromise, Like
• 26:50
  Speaker 5: at some point, I'm going to have to just settle
• 26:53
  Speaker 5: because like I'm just not seeing anybody who's you know,
• 26:56
  Speaker 5: reaching that like level that I.
• 26:58
  Speaker 4: Had just been praying for, hoping for.
• 27:00
  Speaker 5: And so I remember having that doubt and that frustration
• 27:03
  Speaker 5: for a very long time. And every relationship that I
• 27:06
  Speaker 5: would see or that I would even like start talking
• 27:08
  Speaker 5: to someone, it was like they would have, you know,
• 27:10
  Speaker 5: certain qualities that I'm like, that's awesome, but I would
• 27:12
  Speaker 5: have to settle in this area.
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: I just would.
• 27:15
  Speaker 5: I mean, I would continue to encourage her and those listening.
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: You know, your environment does matter, like I do love
• 27:21
  Speaker 5: that she is in a church environment, looking you know,
• 27:24
  Speaker 5: for a spouse. I think your environment matters and making
• 27:28
  Speaker 5: sure that you are setting yourself up for success by
• 27:30
  Speaker 5: being in an environment in which you would want to find,
• 27:33
  Speaker 5: you know, a potential partner and someone that you would
• 27:36
  Speaker 5: you know, want to spend the rest of your life with.
• 27:38
  Speaker 5: I think, like, you know, for me, it's like what
• 27:41
  Speaker 5: you know, what are the things that matter most to her?
• 27:43
  Speaker 5: What are the you know, what's the checklist I guess
• 27:47
  Speaker 5: that she's looking for. And I think for me, it
• 27:50
  Speaker 5: finally came down to like three things and I call
• 27:53
  Speaker 5: it like my three c's you know in the in
• 27:56
  Speaker 5: the book. But the first one is just convictions, like
• 27:59
  Speaker 5: what are what are what are his convictions? Like is
• 28:01
  Speaker 5: he actually following Jesus or does he just say that
• 28:05
  Speaker 5: he like follows Jesus? Like is he actually living a
• 28:07
  Speaker 5: life that reflects what he says he believes? And then
• 28:11
  Speaker 5: two is character like is he a person of his word?
• 28:14
  Speaker 5: Is he someone who you know finishes what he starts?
• 28:19
  Speaker 5: Is he someone who is trustworthy? Is he someone who
• 28:22
  Speaker 5: speaks highly of other people and is life giving?
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: And then the last one is chemistry. I'm like, yeah,
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: like I wanna I want to like looking at you.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: I want to I want to be able to want
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: to kiss you.
• 28:32
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I know right, Like I'm like, I mean, I
• 28:36
  Speaker 5: had I admire the people that are like that does
• 28:38
  Speaker 5: not matter.
• 28:39
  Speaker 4: I admire that.
• 28:40
  Speaker 5: To me, I was like, I'm going to be laying
• 28:42
  Speaker 5: down next to you every single every single night when
• 28:44
  Speaker 5: we get married one.
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: Day, So I wanna I want to like looking at you?
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: And so yeah, I mean for me.
• 28:49
  Speaker 5: I finally just like I I narrowed it down to
• 28:52
  Speaker 5: those three things, and I was like, this is what
• 28:54
  Speaker 5: this is what would it would take for me to
• 28:56
  Speaker 5: like say I'm your girlfriend and and just start dating.
• 29:00
  Speaker 5: And then I you know, there's a whole other set
• 29:02
  Speaker 5: of things that I evaluated once we started dating, evaluating
• 29:05
  Speaker 5: could you be you know, my spouse? But I would
• 29:09
  Speaker 5: just say, you know, define what those deal breakers are, Like,
• 29:12
  Speaker 5: define what those things are that you're looking for. I
• 29:14
  Speaker 5: think for a lot of people, they don't find what
• 29:15
  Speaker 5: they're looking for because they don't know what they're looking for.
• 29:18
  Speaker 5: They don't have they don't have sure vision for like
• 29:22
  Speaker 5: what it is that they actually want. They're just basing
• 29:25
  Speaker 5: it off of feelings or they're basing it off of culture.
• 29:28
  Speaker 5: And it's like, hey, you gotta know, like at the
• 29:30
  Speaker 5: end of the day, what's going to be who do
• 29:32
  Speaker 5: you want to spend the rest of your life with?
• 29:34
  Speaker 5: Like what kind of person do you want to be with?
• 29:36
  Speaker 5: What kind of person do you want raising your children?
• 29:38
  Speaker 5: One day and asking yourself those serious questions and then praying,
• 29:42
  Speaker 5: like I wrote down those things and I just started
• 29:44
  Speaker 5: praying and I was like, Okay, Lord, if this is
• 29:46
  Speaker 5: if this is your will for my life, like this is,
• 29:49
  Speaker 5: this is what I'm believing for.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: Do you think that your person who you decided to
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: be with is like a choice and that there's many
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: people out there that could be the person that you
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: can live a happy life with, or do you feel
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: that like God destined you to be with Grant.
• 30:16
  Speaker 5: So here's where I played devil's advocate on both sides.
• 30:22
  Speaker 5: I don't have just a point blank answers that question.
• 30:26
  Speaker 4: I've heard.
• 30:27
  Speaker 5: I've heard many different people have point blank answers to
• 30:30
  Speaker 5: that question. I think in my particular situation, there were
• 30:35
  Speaker 5: many moments I one thousand percent could have married someone else,
• 30:38
  Speaker 5: and I think God would have blessed it, and I
• 30:40
  Speaker 5: think it would.
• 30:41
  Speaker 4: Have been I think it would have been a good marriage.
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: I really do. You know.
• 30:45
  Speaker 5: I dated someone for four years in college and he
• 30:49
  Speaker 5: loved God and we you know, had similar just value
• 30:53
  Speaker 5: statements for life. We saw things the same way, and
• 30:56
  Speaker 5: we had fun together and you know, he checked off
• 30:58
  Speaker 5: the three c's that I just listed off. But at
• 31:01
  Speaker 5: the end of the day, like the one thing that
• 31:03
  Speaker 5: was missing for me was peace, Like I just did
• 31:06
  Speaker 5: not have a peace, Like I could not.
• 31:08
  Speaker 4: I could not get my heart around like you are.
• 31:12
  Speaker 5: Just who I'm supposed to be with and it and
• 31:15
  Speaker 5: again it was like I could have just made the decision.
• 31:17
  Speaker 5: I could have just been like, no, we're gonna We're like,
• 31:19
  Speaker 5: we're gonna get married, and I think it would have
• 31:21
  Speaker 5: been fine. And so that's where like I go back
• 31:23
  Speaker 5: and forth, because I do I do feel now I'm like, no,
• 31:26
  Speaker 5: Grant was literally God's best for me, and I'm so
• 31:29
  Speaker 5: glad that I didn't settle. I am glad that I
• 31:31
  Speaker 5: trusted just those little inklings. Like I think a lot
• 31:34
  Speaker 5: of times we have gut feelings that sometimes we ignore,
• 31:38
  Speaker 5: you know, where it's like, oh, I think there's more,
• 31:40
  Speaker 5: I think there's better. I think God has something different
• 31:43
  Speaker 5: for me, and we can choose to push those down,
• 31:46
  Speaker 5: those feelings down, and just do whatever we want. And
• 31:49
  Speaker 5: I do think if we still give it to God,
• 31:51
  Speaker 5: he could still bless it. So I do think that
• 31:54
  Speaker 5: there's many different people that, you know, we could be with.
• 31:57
  Speaker 5: I don't know that I would say there's just one
• 31:59
  Speaker 5: soul mate out there. I don't know that I believe
• 32:02
  Speaker 5: in like the definition of a soulmate, but I will
• 32:04
  Speaker 5: say you know, I do believe Grant is God's best.
• 32:08
  Speaker 5: So I feel like I'm contradicting myself, but I just
• 32:10
  Speaker 5: I do think that for me, it came down to
• 32:12
  Speaker 5: just like peace, Like I didn't have peace about the
• 32:15
  Speaker 5: guy that I could have married, and then I had
• 32:18
  Speaker 5: so much peace about Grant from the very beginning, and
• 32:20
  Speaker 5: like followed that piece till the end, and so naturally
• 32:25
  Speaker 5: I can say I do think that he was God's
• 32:26
  Speaker 5: best for me.
• 32:27
  Speaker 4: But at the same time, do I think I could
• 32:29
  Speaker 4: have married someone else?
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, I think that's a great answer. Thank you so much.
• 32:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I was like, I was like, I don't know,
• 32:35
  Speaker 5: I feel like I'm running ad.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, it all makes sense for sure. Well, Maddie,
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: thank you so much. When is the book out?
• 32:44
  Speaker 4: The book is out September nineteenth.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: Y'd literally any day now.
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: I know. It's literally crazy it's here.
• 32:51
  Speaker 5: I've been working on it, Like I said, I started
• 32:52
  Speaker 5: writing it singles, So I feel like I've been working
• 32:54
  Speaker 5: on this thing for forever, and so I'm very very
• 32:58
  Speaker 5: excited that it's here.
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: Well, thank you so much. We are really excited for you.
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: You are, You're killing it. You're doing a great job.
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: Just a good leader in this world. All right, thank you,
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: Siya bye again.
• 33:12
  Speaker 3: If everybody wants to pick up the love everybody wants,
• 33:15
  Speaker 3: what you're looking for is already yours. By Mattie Pruitt Trout.
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: It is her recent addition to using her wisdom and
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: her words and her faith so all of us can
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: enjoy what she's learning and what she's going through.
• 33:30
  Speaker 6: So make sure you pick that up. Thanks for Maddie
• 33:32
  Speaker 6: for coming on. Until next time, I've Been Ben, I've
• 33:35
  Speaker 6: been Ashley.
• 33:36
  Speaker 5: See you.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast on
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: iHeartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts