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Bonus IMPROV - That's Why I Had the Pool Filled · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  welcome to very fine friends hi
• 0:19
  frances should we do some bonus improv we should okay joe can we please get a suggestion
• 0:28
  your suggestion is sabotage
• 0:32
  sabotage
• 0:36
  I feel like you've got a sabotage
• 0:38
  story in you
• 0:39
  I do
• 0:41
  this has nothing to do with me
• 0:43
  I feel like you've both sabotaged
• 0:46
  and been the sabotage
• 0:48
  multiple times
• 0:50
  yeah the saboteur and the saboteury
• 0:52
  yeah so this is a story about
• 0:56
  someone I used to know
• 0:58
  who I used to work with, who wasn't very good with technology at all
• 1:01
  and would constantly mess things up technologically
• 1:05
  and would click on suspicious links
• 1:08
  and cause us to all have to go into IT lockdown.
• 1:13
  And so they would call me and they would be like,
• 1:15
  can you come here?
• 1:17
  Something's going on with my computer.
• 1:18
  And I'd be like, okay, so I go in the office,
• 1:20
  into that person's office, and they'd be like,
• 1:22
  try and explain what happened.
• 1:23
  And they're like, I think someone sabotaged me.
• 1:26
  I've been sabotaged and I'm like
• 1:29
  no you
• 1:30
  just minimized the outlook
• 1:33
  window and now it is back
• 1:34
  and I'm going back to my office but it would like every like
• 1:38
  every day it'd be something new like it's sabotage
• 1:40
  I've been sabotaged
• 1:42
  like my computer's locked down like you
• 1:44
  got an email from someone
• 1:46
  in our company name with like spelled wrong
• 1:49
  dot com and you clicked it
• 1:51
  is this co-worker Dennis
• 1:54
  uh he can't even get to like the email so no we're i'm saved up from him because
• 2:02
  the lack of understanding but this person knew enough to like type and i would just do everything
• 2:07
  wrong wait so they would like minimize a window and immediately think someone's out to get me yeah
• 2:14
  okay after and no matter how many times they were proven like no this was user error or or not even
• 2:23
  error just hit another this is what it does when you click this button right like or like my files
• 2:29
  disappeared and it's like you moved them i found them um but every single time sabotage never who
• 2:37
  did they did you ever find out who they thought was sabotaging them no it's just general vague
• 2:43
  saboteur out in the universe in the ether that's such a weird way to live your life just
• 2:52
  assuming that all the time.
• 2:55
  I almost feel like at some point it became
• 2:56
  like a joke because it's like
• 2:58
  I don't know the situation so I'm just going to be like
• 3:00
  sabotage. It's like
• 3:02
  I have things to do. Maybe they just really like
• 3:04
  that Beastie Boys song.
• 3:06
  I never heard it.
• 3:08
  Sabotage.
• 3:10
  Sabotage.
• 3:13
  Now you have. Oh yeah.
• 3:14
  I hate that one.
• 3:16
  You just heard it basically We should clear that with legal I know because that was so dead on So as to sound exactly like
• 3:28
  I had my Shazam on.
• 3:29
  It picked it up.
• 3:30
  Oh my gosh.
• 3:30
  Yeah.
• 3:31
  The remastered version.
• 3:32
  Joe's too good.
• 3:33
  You guys are G.
• 3:36
  That's shorthand for good.
• 3:40
  You ever been sabotaged?
• 3:43
  Maybe.
• 3:44
  I don't know.
• 3:45
  If I was, I didn't...
• 3:46
  it was pretty mild
• 3:48
  yeah
• 3:49
  what if I had some like some huge thing in my past
• 3:54
  and I just forgot it
• 3:55
  I just repressed it
• 3:56
  that means you're healthy
• 3:57
  oh repressing memories
• 3:59
  yeah yeah you're right that's not good
• 4:04
  you should remember everything
• 4:04
  especially your childhood I hear
• 4:06
  you should remember everything especially your childhood
• 4:09
  your childhood shouldn't be like a mystery to you
• 4:10
  you should like be able to easily recall a lot of memories from it
• 4:12
  yes I think that's correct
• 4:14
  yeah
• 4:15
  um one quick story really quick it just i think we might have talked about this but i used to go
• 4:22
  to jelsea's kitchen yeah one time a bird shat upon me yes um and i moved specifically so i
• 4:27
  wouldn't be anywhere near the where there's a lot of trees out on the patio and um a bird did it
• 4:32
  and i was first of all i was embarrassed because like god if anyone sees this i'm gonna be so
• 4:36
  embarrassed and then the manager came over and i was like um excuse me um i don't know why i said
• 4:42
  one of your birds like it's their birds but i was like one of your birds um dropped on me
• 4:52
  and it was like oh it did that's good luck and i was like it's gross but then i was thinking they're
• 5:00
  like oh no it's good luck if a bird does that we'll get you i'll get you something you can
• 5:03
  clean it off i'm like like what a convenient thing for a restaurant manager who's managing
• 5:09
  the patio where birds are dropping.
• 5:11
  I did not want my soup after that.
• 5:14
  It didn't go in your soup?
• 5:16
  No, it went on me.
• 5:17
  But why did you want your soup?
• 5:20
  You just were over it.
• 5:21
  Well, once it...
• 5:23
  Yeah, what if I looked away and boom,
• 5:25
  in the soup?
• 5:27
  Hmm.
• 5:28
  Soup du jour is giardia.
• 5:33
  Anyway.
• 5:34
  Soup du giardia.
• 5:37
  I still like to sit on the patio.
• 5:39
  It is very pleasant.
• 5:40
  Yeah.
• 5:41
  And now, improv.
• 5:50
  Kelly.
• 5:52
  Yeah?
• 5:53
  Kelly, someone's been reading our mail.
• 5:56
  What?
• 5:56
  I just went to the mailbox and I picked up a piece of our mail
• 5:59
  and one of the envelopes in this corner is stored open.
• 6:02
  What?
• 6:03
  Let me see.
• 6:05
  Here it is.
• 6:05
  oh no no honey that's just like a tiny little that's it probably got clipped on the inside of
• 6:13
  our of our mailbox carly now i saw a documentary they've invented these little tiny metal hooks and
• 6:21
  they open it from the corner and then they gently or gumbly fold the papers and pull it out through
• 6:25
  the corner read the mail put it back honey this this it just says current resident it's not even
• 6:35
  this is spam mail
• 6:37
  this isn't even anything worth
• 6:38
  origamiing to get to no okay um we need a post office box I will no longer be receiving mail at the house I will burn it
• 6:51
  Oh, God.
• 6:52
  Uh.
• 6:53
  Okay, all right, we can get a post office box.
• 6:56
  Thank you.
• 6:57
  Okay, um.
• 6:59
  Hey, uh, hun?
• 7:01
  Yeah?
• 7:02
  You feeling okay?
• 7:03
  No.
• 7:04
  What?
• 7:04
  What?
• 7:05
  I don't know.
• 7:06
  You have a cold or something?
• 7:07
  Yes.
• 7:08
  It's an intentional cold.
• 7:09
  what does that mean an intentional cold someone probably the same person who opened about our
• 7:16
  mail okay dropped a germ in it and i opened it dropped a germ in the mail when they were
• 7:23
  reading that the germs are on their fingers and in their mouth and they were breathing on the
• 7:26
  papers and i pulled it out and i not knowing not knowing and i touched it now listen i hate this
• 7:34
  world uh honey oh don't say that honey i'm i'm in this world too don't just i you love me i still
• 7:43
  love you thank you uh no just don't be so paranoid all the time not every not everybody's out to get
• 7:51
  you there's not some secret guy what do you mean that's no i'm saying there's not a secret guy
• 7:58
  A secret guy?
• 7:59
  That's, yeah, there's not a secret guy that's origami-ing our mail open and putting germs in the current residence hall.
• 8:08
  You once told me you can't prove a negative.
• 8:11
  Yeah, I did.
• 8:14
  Yeah.
• 8:15
  Yeah, that's because you said, well, if there isn't a guy that lives at the bottom of our pool and tickles my toes every time I'm in the pool, then prove it.
• 8:32
  And I said, I can't.
• 8:33
  I can't prove a negative.
• 8:34
  That's why I had the pool filled.
• 8:37
  Yeah, I know.
• 8:38
  And now we don't have a pool.
• 8:40
  You filled it when there were still pool toys in there, by the way.
• 8:43
  There's half a pool noodle coming out of that concrete.
• 8:45
  I did what I had to do to survive.
• 8:47
  Okay.
• 8:49
  I'm telling you, I promise you, there's not some secret guy.
• 8:53
  There's not.
• 8:54
  I choose to believe you because I love you.
• 8:57
  Now, can you help me bring the groceries in from the car?
• 8:59
  Of course.
• 9:00
  I'm a man.
• 9:01
  That's what I do.
• 9:02
  Okay, let's go.
• 9:03
  Okay.
• 9:04
  I'll look to the left.
• 9:05
  You'll look to the right.
• 9:06
  No, honey, just...
• 9:07
  Let's just go to the trunk.
• 9:09
  Let's just open the trunk.
• 9:11
  Pull the groceries out.
• 9:12
  We don't need to...
• 9:13
  Honey, no, stop.
• 9:14
  What?
• 9:15
  Stop doing barrel rolls on the ground.
• 9:19
  No, honey.
• 9:21
  This is the home of Callie and her husband.
• 9:24
  Look upon us with fear, you mongrel.
• 9:30
  I was going to say bitches.
• 9:33
  That was good restraint, honey.
• 9:35
  I appreciate that.
• 9:36
  Oh, stop.
• 9:37
  No, stop putting the Vietnam paint on your face.
• 9:41
  No.
• 9:42
  Stop.
• 9:43
  and I'm wearing the hat too
• 9:45
  look at it
• 9:47
  I promise you there's not some
• 9:49
  secret guy
• 9:51
  let's ask
• 9:53
  chat GPT
• 9:54
  type it in
• 9:56
  I don't know I don't trust
• 9:58
  how do you trust chat GPT but
• 10:01
  not me telling you
• 10:03
  there no secret guy you right you know I been I sorry I been different ever since our living room window was blown to shreds
• 10:13
  Honey, that was...
• 10:15
  That was weird. There was a monsoon
• 10:17
  that came. Yeah, I know. You said.
• 10:19
  You said. You actually saw the
• 10:21
  tree branch hit the window.
• 10:23
  You know how easy it is to throw a 3,800
• 10:25
  pound tree branch into a window?
• 10:28
  All you need's a winch.
• 10:31
  Cut to...
• 10:33
  An underground lair below their house.
• 10:40
  Winch in hand.
• 10:44
  I'm glad we chose this guy.
• 10:47
  And what I love about it is he knows we're here and it's killing him.
• 10:57
  We should kill him.
• 11:01
  Sounds good.
• 11:02
  First, I gotta open his mail.
• 11:07
  Yeah, do the origami.
• 11:10
  Hold on, let me sneeze in it.
• 11:13
  That was a great sneeze.
• 11:17
  Thanks.
• 11:18
  I like that we're twins.
• 11:21
  It's great.
• 11:24
  You ever want to branch off and hurt more than one person?
• 11:29
  Kinda.
• 11:30
  Well, this is a great first step.
• 11:32
  I think we got potential.
• 11:35
  Cut back to the house.
• 11:39
  Hey, honey, have you seen my...
• 11:40
  Have you seen my keys?
• 11:43
  Why would I know about your keys?
• 11:46
  I thought you were the last one that had them, that's all.
• 11:50
  Oh, yeah, I don't think about that stuff.
• 11:53
  No?
• 11:53
  You don't think about that stuff?
• 11:55
  I think about my keys.
• 11:58
  I'm being sabotaged here.
• 12:00
  I don't have the bandwidth to think about your keys.
• 12:03
  Oh, here they are.
• 12:04
  Nope.
• 12:05
  Those are my keys.
• 12:05
  Thank God.
• 12:08
  Why?
• 12:09
  What are you thinking?
• 12:10
  I'm, no, I just need to run to the store.
• 12:13
  It's a sabotage.
• 12:15
  I'm telling you.
• 12:16
  It's okay.
• 12:18
  I'm, there's not some secret person or persons, twins even.
• 12:25
  Why would you say that?
• 12:27
  Because there's not.
• 12:27
  Why would you say that?
• 12:28
  There's not.
• 12:30
  And they're not branching out and starting to sabotage me, too.
• 12:34
  That's not happening.
• 12:35
  I'm going to have to take off work.
• 12:37
  Honey, no, you can't.
• 12:38
  Nope.
• 12:39
  I just text my boss.
• 12:40
  Honey, this is...
• 12:41
  Can't come in.
• 12:41
  Life's crazy.
• 12:42
  Day 93 of not going to work.
• 12:44
  I'm pretty sure you don't have a job anymore.
• 12:46
  They can't legally fire me.
• 12:48
  Yes, they can.
• 12:49
  No.
• 12:51
  At a Christmas party in 2005, my boss got drunk and promised he wouldn't.
• 12:56
  Via text.
• 12:56
  the text is gone
• 13:00
  honey that's probably
• 13:02
  2005 was completely different technology
• 13:04
  no that's different technology
• 13:07
  cut back to the lair
• 13:10
  end scene
• 13:26
  Thank you.