Latest / Two Broke Chicks / Things We Forget Are Normal

Transcript

Things We Forget Are Normal · Two Broke Chicks

0:00
Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gadigal Land, Always was, always
0:03
Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land. Heyti exigou and I'm sa and
0:13
Speaker 1: we'll have two broke checks to show that shares life
0:16
Speaker 1: lessons and tips to make you richie in life. And
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Speaker 1: today we're talking about the things we forget are normal. Yeah,
0:22
Speaker 1: there was a video on this topic that went absolutely viral,
0:25
Speaker 1: and Sal and I wanted to share our own little
0:28
Speaker 1: tidbits and things that we forget are normal. But before
0:31
Speaker 1: we get into the episode, we have to talk about
0:34
Speaker 1: our obsessions. So what are you obsessed with?
0:38
Speaker 2: Sally? My obsession of the week is the latest season
0:43
Speaker 2: of Queer Eye. Have you seen it? I have it?
0:45
Speaker 2: But it's got the new guy, right, Yeah, the new
0:48
Speaker 2: interior design expert, Jeremiah. And I always loved Bobby. I
0:54
Speaker 2: love them all, but I did really love Bobby, so
0:56
Speaker 2: I was really sad to see him leave, and you know,
0:59
Speaker 2: was wondering how Jeremiah was going to come in and
1:02
Speaker 2: you know how the dynamics would changed. I'm obsessed. I
1:06
Speaker 2: honestly think nobody could replace Bobby in my heart. But
1:09
Speaker 2: I do think that out of all of the cast members,
1:12
Speaker 2: I relate to Jeremiah the most.
1:15
Speaker 1: It's that great style too. Yeah, they are like, we're.
1:21
Speaker 2: Going to talk about the air lephone, and I think
1:24
Speaker 2: it's cinecute, and I think it's I think it's gaming.
1:28
Speaker 2: But I just in the current current climate, there's lots
1:32
Speaker 2: of bad things happening in the world, lots of things
1:33
Speaker 2: to make us stressed. And if you need something to
1:37
Speaker 2: remind you that there is good in the world, put
1:40
Speaker 2: on queer eye.
1:41
Speaker 1: That's such a nice sentiment. I love that.
1:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's your obsession?
1:45
Speaker 1: My obsession of the week is a post I saw
1:47
Speaker 1: from Tash invest and it's an entire spreadsheet of high
1:51
Speaker 1: interest savings accounts. It's like a cheat sheet of bank
1:55
Speaker 1: accounts to find which is the best one to get
1:58
Speaker 1: the most interest on your savings. Wow, it's literally free.
2:02
Speaker 1: She found it on Reddit and I'll put a link
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Speaker 1: in our bio to it and in the description. So
2:09
Speaker 1: what it is is you can open it up and
2:11
Speaker 1: it compares all the different accounts from banks, and it
2:14
Speaker 1: also has a tab of the requirements, So if you
2:17
Speaker 1: need to be within a certain age bracket, if you
2:20
Speaker 1: need to save a certain amount to earn max, you
2:23
Speaker 1: can on the interest. So it compares the minimum interest
2:25
Speaker 1: you can get and the maximum interest you can get.
2:28
Speaker 1: And we often get questions about what's the best bank
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Speaker 1: account to get the highest interest on your savings, and
2:35
Speaker 1: we can't recommend because it borders financial advice. But this
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Speaker 1: is such a great way to do it because you
2:40
Speaker 1: can just compare it yourself into your own kind of situation.
2:45
Speaker 1: So whatever your age is, whatever your income is, whatever
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Speaker 1: you're planning on saving. I just think this is like
2:50
Speaker 1: the best way to figure it out and it's just
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Speaker 1: such a good hack. So yeah, full credit to Tash
2:55
Speaker 1: and best for that one. I didn't what a sligh Yeah.
2:58
Speaker 2: I literally was having a conversation with Chris last night
3:00
Speaker 2: about how I want to do some research and.
3:02
Speaker 1: I'll send you a link by yeah Switch.
3:05
Speaker 2: I was like, it's time, it's time to switch.
3:07
Speaker 1: It's time, it's time. Yeah, all right, shall we get
3:10
Speaker 1: into the things that we forget are normal? Let's do it.
3:17
Speaker 2: My first thing that we forget is normal is feeling
3:21
Speaker 2: behind in life because if you're in your late twenties
3:27
Speaker 2: or early thirties, especially your social media feed is very
3:32
Speaker 2: likely and onslaught of people getting engaged, people getting married,
3:36
Speaker 2: having children, buying property, having amazing highlights in their career promotions.
3:41
Speaker 2: That's fabulous. We love people celebrating their wins and achieving
3:44
Speaker 2: milestones in their life. But the downside of this is
3:49
Speaker 2: that it can often make us feel like we are
3:51
Speaker 2: lesser than or that we haven't achieved everything that we
3:54
Speaker 2: thought that we would buy a certain age, and we're
3:57
Speaker 2: constantly comparing ourselves to other people. I think this is
4:00
Speaker 2: a very common thing that happens as we enter our
4:03
Speaker 2: satin return, that period between you know, sort of twenty
4:06
Speaker 2: seven and thirty, and you think, this isn't where I
4:09
Speaker 2: thought I would be, But.
4:11
Speaker 1: No one is, isn't it.
4:12
Speaker 2: The issue is, though, if you are always feeling like
4:16
Speaker 2: you're behind in life, you're focusing on the past and
4:20
Speaker 2: the future and not the present. So I just want
4:23
Speaker 2: to say it's totally normal. But I also think that
4:26
Speaker 2: there are some reminders that we should all keep in
4:29
Speaker 2: mind if you are feeling like you're behind in life.
4:33
Speaker 2: So reminders, if you feel like you're behind in life,
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Speaker 2: you physically can't be behind in your own life because
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Speaker 2: it's your life and you are exactly where you were
4:45
Speaker 2: meant to be, like on your path in life, there
4:48
Speaker 2: is nobody in front of you.
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Speaker 1: Or behind you.
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Speaker 2: It's just you, So that's physically impossible. Secondly, you're only
4:58
Speaker 2: behind in life if you're can yourself to other people.
5:03
Speaker 2: And I think that is completely normal, especially in today's
5:07
Speaker 2: day and age, when we are looking into other people's
5:10
Speaker 2: lives so much more than what we would have been previously.
5:13
Speaker 2: But everybody is on their own journey, and people are
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Speaker 2: sharing the highlights, the highlight reel on social media and
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Speaker 2: even with your friends, like, you don't know the things
5:24
Speaker 2: that they are going through, all the things that they're
5:26
Speaker 2: telling themselves in their head, or all the mistakes that
5:29
Speaker 2: they've made to get to the thing that they've achieved,
5:32
Speaker 2: even like with some of the closest people in your life,
5:35
Speaker 2: so you're never getting the full picture of what somebody
5:38
Speaker 2: has gone through to get to where they are in life. Also,
5:41
Speaker 2: stop comparing yourself to your parents. I think that's a
5:44
Speaker 2: big thing that people in our generation do, because if
5:49
Speaker 2: you look at where your parents were when they were
5:51
Speaker 2: thirty in comparison to where you might be in your
5:54
Speaker 2: late twenties and early thirties, it's probably very very different.
5:58
Speaker 2: But we are living in completely different circumstances. To what
6:03
Speaker 2: our parents were. And in some ways that can be
6:06
Speaker 2: a frustrating thing, but in other ways that can be
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Speaker 2: a really liberating thing. If anything, I think that we
6:11
Speaker 2: have so much more choice and that should be normalized
6:15
Speaker 2: and celebrated. But also it is harder than ever to
6:20
Speaker 2: be a thirty year old in Australia right now, and
6:23
Speaker 2: I want to play a clip to explain why.
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Speaker 3: Is the hardest it's ever been for a thirty year
6:29
Speaker 3: old in illustrata in the straight's history. It is true
6:31
Speaker 3: thirty roles are going to be less well off than
6:33
Speaker 3: their parents are. That's a fact. It's a fact that
6:37
Speaker 3: when I was thirty, the house cost me three times
6:40
Speaker 3: my salary. Now eight times plus for a thirty year
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Speaker 3: old is what it's going to cost you to get
6:45
Speaker 3: into the housing market. It's true that hex has doubled
6:49
Speaker 3: in the last fifteen years, right, doubled from a fifteen
6:53
Speaker 3: thousand dollar bill to a thirty thousand dollar bill. It's
6:56
Speaker 3: true that a baby boomer paid half the tax at
7:00
Speaker 3: a thirty year old pays now when they were thirty
7:02
Speaker 3: years of age. So the reality is it is extremely
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Speaker 3: difficult to be a thirty year old in Australia right now.
7:09
Speaker 1: Vindication.
7:11
Speaker 2: That clip is from the Grow and Transfer. By the way,
7:13
Speaker 2: we'll put a link in the show notes so you
7:16
Speaker 2: can have a listen to it yourself. A bit black. No,
7:19
Speaker 2: another reminder, thank you, one more done. But I'm not
7:23
Speaker 2: sharing that to make anybody feel depressed or helpless or hopeless,
7:28
Speaker 2: but more to normalize the things that we are going
7:31
Speaker 2: through as young people in Australia, and that if you
7:34
Speaker 2: are looking at where your parents were in comparison to
7:37
Speaker 2: where you are now, that it is completely different, and
7:40
Speaker 2: to give yourself a little bit of grace and forgiveness
7:44
Speaker 2: that maybe you haven't achieved all the things that they have,
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Speaker 2: and that your life is going to look.
7:48
Speaker 1: Completely different theirs. I love that. And can I just
7:52
Speaker 1: say I am so happy that half of the things
7:56
Speaker 1: that I thought I would have or be at in
8:00
Speaker 1: my life at a certain age, I'm so glad half
8:03
Speaker 1: of those didn't even happen, right Like, I'm so happy
8:07
Speaker 1: that half the shit but that I wanted when I
8:09
Speaker 1: was twenty one, or when I was twenty three, or
8:11
Speaker 1: when I was twenty five that I thought I would
8:13
Speaker 1: have or be at, I'm so fucking glad that I'm
8:17
Speaker 1: not Yeah, because everything that is supposed to happen in
8:21
Speaker 1: your life will and you'll end up where you're supposed
8:25
Speaker 1: to be, and you'll look back at like the most
8:27
Speaker 1: fucked breakup you've ever had, and you'll be like, if
8:30
Speaker 1: that didn't happen, then I wouldn't have moved here, and
8:33
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have met my best friends or my partner,
8:37
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have gotten my dream job or whatever. It
8:40
Speaker 1: is like the roadmap of your life will lead you
8:43
Speaker 1: to where you're meant to be, and like, I think
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Speaker 1: having faith in that is like one of the best
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Speaker 1: things you can do. My next thing that we forget
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Speaker 1: is normal is outgrowing friendships, not having a best friend,
8:55
Speaker 1: and not having a friendship group. So according to a
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Speaker 1: twenty fifteen study, people social circles peak in size around
9:02
Speaker 1: the age of twenty five, and then they begin to
9:05
Speaker 1: get smaller as responsibilities pile up. And I think this
9:09
Speaker 1: is so like when I analyze my own life, I
9:12
Speaker 1: was like, yep, that checks out. Because on top of that,
9:15
Speaker 1: women lose more friends around that time than men. And
9:20
Speaker 1: we do discuss this a lot in our book, Finding
9:22
Speaker 1: Your People, but I really wanted to include it in
9:25
Speaker 1: this episode as well, after the response we got on
9:28
Speaker 1: an episode a few weeks back, about two weeks back
9:31
Speaker 1: with gem and we shared the stat that ninety one
9:34
Speaker 1: percent of people no longer call a best friend their
9:38
Speaker 1: best friend anymore, because outgrowing friendships is just such a
9:42
Speaker 1: normal part of life and whether it's like incredibly heartbreaking
9:47
Speaker 1: and it's like a friendship breakup or it's just a fizzle,
9:49
Speaker 1: like these things happen, And for so much of my
9:53
Speaker 1: life I really put a value on how many friends
9:57
Speaker 1: I had or whether or not I had a best friend,
10:00
Speaker 1: or you know, how much my social life was busy,
10:05
Speaker 1: and if it wasn't, I felt really lesser then, and
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Speaker 1: I felt like it was such a reflection on me,
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Speaker 1: and it's just not the case. And especially even like
10:16
Speaker 1: having a friendship group, like that's not even the most
10:19
Speaker 1: positive thing that can happen, Like friendship groups can be
10:22
Speaker 1: incredibly toxic that you can end up not being an individual,
10:27
Speaker 1: not being able to spend time on your own and
10:29
Speaker 1: not having like an individual thought and just being like
10:33
Speaker 1: what would the group do? Or we do this, or
10:35
Speaker 1: we don't really know them so we won't go to that,
10:37
Speaker 1: or you know, we're gonna go to brunch on Saturday,
10:40
Speaker 1: but we can do what you want to do after.
10:42
Speaker 1: Like it just you stop being who you are sometimes. Yeah,
10:47
Speaker 1: it's called group think. It's like a psychological thing we
10:49
Speaker 1: talk about in the book highly recommend and that is
10:53
Speaker 1: something that it is normal to not have those things sometimes,
10:56
Speaker 1: and it's better to not have those things, better to
11:00
Speaker 1: not have a toxic friend or a toxic friendship group.
11:03
Speaker 1: And there is this really popular saying that can keep
11:07
Speaker 1: you comfort if you do relate to that, and it's
11:09
Speaker 1: that if you're not outgrowing friendships, you're not growing up.
11:14
Speaker 1: You need to be developing your values. You need to
11:16
Speaker 1: be developing yourself as your own little character and human,
11:20
Speaker 1: and that part of that is outgrowing friendships. And while
11:24
Speaker 1: this does tend to happen once you leave high school,
11:27
Speaker 1: it's going to happen in your twenties and your thirties
11:30
Speaker 1: and your forties and so on and so forth. That
11:33
Speaker 1: having a small group of friends or having one friend,
11:37
Speaker 1: that's okay.
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Speaker 2: It can be hard to go through, but it's a
11:41
Speaker 2: really comforting reminder.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, And the second you accept that, I promise you
11:46
Speaker 1: is the second that you will actually find the most
11:48
Speaker 1: fruitful friendships of your life. The second that you're actually
11:51
Speaker 1: okay with being on your own and being your own
11:54
Speaker 1: best friend is when you will find the friendships that
11:56
Speaker 1: you will have for the rest of your life.
11:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's when you're not going to settle for anything
12:00
Speaker 2: exactly like less. My next thing that we forget is
12:05
Speaker 2: normal is not enjoying having fun. Oh over the break,
12:13
Speaker 2: did you see that TikTok from Molly May that went
12:18
Speaker 2: viral of her saying I just don't think I like
12:22
Speaker 2: having fun.
12:23
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
12:25
Speaker 2: And she was talking about how when she goes on
12:28
Speaker 2: a big night out and you know, she's having drinks
12:32
Speaker 2: and hanging out with a big group of people and
12:35
Speaker 2: doing all these things that are fun and considered fun. Yeah,
12:38
Speaker 2: in quotations, she's realized that she actually wasn't having fun
12:44
Speaker 2: at all, and she doesn't like having fun. The things
12:48
Speaker 2: that she enjoys doing that are considered not fun or boring.
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Speaker 2: That's how she likes to spend her time.
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Speaker 1: Fun looks different to everyone.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't have to like the things that are
13:00
Speaker 2: typically associated with having fun. If you like to go
13:03
Speaker 2: out and you like to drink and have a night
13:06
Speaker 2: out with the girlies and be loud and larry and
13:09
Speaker 2: you find that fun.
13:10
Speaker 1: That's fabulous.
13:11
Speaker 2: Same yeah, but also, but also if you like to
13:15
Speaker 2: snuggle up in bed with a good book and go
13:18
Speaker 2: to bed at nine pm and then wake up the
13:20
Speaker 2: next morning and get a coffee and go to the markets,
13:23
Speaker 2: and you find that fun, that's also fabulous. Yeah. A
13:27
Speaker 2: lot of the time, if you say, oh, I'm not
13:29
Speaker 2: going to go out, I want to stay in, or
13:31
Speaker 2: people ask what are you doing on the weekend and
13:33
Speaker 2: you say, oh, I'm just going to stay at home
13:35
Speaker 2: and I'm going to clean my apartment and watch Drag Race,
13:38
Speaker 2: or I'm not going to drink tonight. I'll probably head
13:41
Speaker 2: off after this, and people like, oh, you're no fun
13:44
Speaker 2: lighting up have some fun. That can be really frustrating.
13:48
Speaker 2: You can also be sitting there being like, wait, am
13:50
Speaker 2: I not fun?
13:51
Speaker 1: Like? Am I boring? Yeah? Second guessing yourself, especially if.
13:54
Speaker 2: You were younger and you did enjoy doing those things
13:57
Speaker 2: and now you feel like you've grown out of it
13:58
Speaker 2: a little bit. You're like, what has happened?
14:01
Speaker 1: Like?
14:02
Speaker 2: Am I not fun anymore? Are people going to think
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Speaker 2: I'm boring? And the right friends won't think that you're boring,
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Speaker 2: and I think that's a completely normal part of life
14:11
Speaker 2: to grow out of things and even for these things
14:14
Speaker 2: to fluctuate.
14:14
Speaker 1: Yes, that's exactly what I was going to say. Like,
14:16
Speaker 1: there are periods of my life that I'm like such
14:19
Speaker 1: a social butterfly.
14:20
Speaker 2: I love like.
14:21
Speaker 1: Hanging out with friends and going out and like having
14:24
Speaker 1: barbecues and stuff like that. And then they're like, I
14:26
Speaker 1: think I've mentioned this before, but I have like my
14:29
Speaker 1: two week fucking pie. Yeah, periods where I'm like, I
14:33
Speaker 1: just need to go in a shell and go in
14:35
Speaker 1: my dinner and cocoon and I'll be back in a
14:37
Speaker 1: little bit exactly, like and that's so fine.
14:41
Speaker 2: Yeah. So it's a reminder that you are fun. Yeah,
14:44
Speaker 2: no matter what you like doing, lean into that. And also,
14:48
Speaker 2: if your friend doesn't want to drink and they want
14:51
Speaker 2: to stay in or they want to head home, don't
14:54
Speaker 2: say that they're boring or they're not fun.
14:56
Speaker 1: Imagine saying just let them being like you're a bit
14:59
Speaker 1: yuck that. Yeah.
15:01
Speaker 2: A lot of the time I think it's coming from
15:03
Speaker 2: a good place. People like I want you here, I
15:05
Speaker 2: want you out, but but it's not it's not nice. Yeah,
15:10
Speaker 2: I get that.
15:11
Speaker 1: Love it Okay. My next one that is totally normal
15:17
Speaker 1: is not having a passion.
15:20
Speaker 2: Yeah.
15:20
Speaker 1: So the pressure to find a singular passion can be
15:24
Speaker 1: incredibly overwhelming, but exploring different interests is part of the journey.
15:30
Speaker 1: So there's a common saying, but the full saying isn't
15:32
Speaker 1: normally said. And do you know what the full saying
15:35
Speaker 1: of Jack of all trades is?
15:37
Speaker 2: Yes, no, I don't. I only know the second half,
15:41
Speaker 2: and I know there's another. Okay, I don't tell me. Yes,
15:45
Speaker 2: actually not, I know that there's like it's a full sentence. Yeah.
15:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, so the full saying of Jack of all trades
15:52
Speaker 1: is actually jack of all trades, master of none, though
15:55
Speaker 1: often times better than master of one. And so it's
16:01
Speaker 1: completely normal to not have just one singular passion in life.
16:07
Speaker 1: I think we get in our heads that we have
16:09
Speaker 1: to be really really good at one thing and we
16:12
Speaker 1: don't know what that one thing is, and we don't
16:14
Speaker 1: know who or what or what we want to be.
16:16
Speaker 1: Like think of when you were growing up. I wanted
16:18
Speaker 1: to be a chef, I wanted to be a vet,
16:19
Speaker 1: I wanted to be an author tic that one. But like,
16:22
Speaker 1: there are so many things that you can have multiple passions.
16:26
Speaker 1: Your passions can change, like life is about experiencing so
16:31
Speaker 1: many different things and trying it and even enjoying it
16:34
Speaker 1: for a little bit and then getting over it. If
16:36
Speaker 1: you were allowed to change your mind and you don't
16:39
Speaker 1: have to know what your passion is, just try things like,
16:42
Speaker 1: it's just so much better. And there's this research from
16:45
Speaker 1: Stanford University that suggests that the concept of finding one's
16:49
Speaker 1: passion can be completely misleading. So these two psychologists found
16:54
Speaker 1: that individuals who view interests as developed over time in brackets,
16:58
Speaker 1: a growth theory, are more open to new experiences and
17:03
Speaker 1: resilient when facing challenges. Conversely, those who believe passions are
17:08
Speaker 1: inherent and must be found, which is a fixed theory,
17:12
Speaker 1: may abandon pursuits when they become difficult.
17:15
Speaker 2: We feel a lot of pressure to have a purpose
17:17
Speaker 2: in life and be like, this is my one thing.
17:19
Speaker 2: I was born put on this earth to achieve this
17:22
Speaker 2: one thing. And then if you face a bump in
17:24
Speaker 2: the road or you pursue it and you're like, actually,
17:27
Speaker 2: this is kind of bloring. I don't like this, not
17:30
Speaker 2: for me, yeah, then you let it go and you
17:32
Speaker 2: feel like a failure. Whereas if you're letting these passions
17:37
Speaker 2: come to you as you explore them, then you can
17:40
Speaker 2: actually test and play and discover what you like, rather
17:44
Speaker 2: than being like, no, I'm meant to be a writer
17:46
Speaker 2: and that is it.
17:47
Speaker 1: Yes, I must be a poet.
17:49
Speaker 2: I can't spell.
17:53
Speaker 1: That's me. I don't have a writer. I still can't spell.
17:58
Speaker 1: That's why we have sub editors.
18:00
Speaker 2: God, let's sell it moves.
18:03
Speaker 1: But yeah, I think if you are feeling like you're like,
18:06
Speaker 1: what the fuck am I supposed to do in life?
18:08
Speaker 1: I don't know what my passion is. I don't know
18:10
Speaker 1: what like makes you want to jump out of the
18:12
Speaker 1: bed in the morning, that's so fine because I actually
18:15
Speaker 1: think ninety nine percent of the world feels that way. Yeah, like,
18:19
Speaker 1: and that's okay. Just honestly, if you wake up, just
18:25
Speaker 1: try to leave the day a little bit better than
18:27
Speaker 1: when you started it. I think that's like the best
18:30
Speaker 1: way that you can have as a guiding light for
18:32
Speaker 1: life is just to leave the world a little bit better.
18:36
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't put all of your eggs in one basket.
18:38
Speaker 1: Nah, get the whole get the whole box and throw
18:42
Speaker 1: them at different houses. Egg different people's houses.
18:46
Speaker 2: That's my purpose in life. Vandalism jokes, and I just.
18:53
Speaker 1: Had two quick little ones and I also wanted to
18:55
Speaker 1: finish on that are totally normal and one well, my
18:59
Speaker 1: second last one needing attention. Yes, I am a needy
19:03
Speaker 1: little girl. I need words of affirmation, I need quality time,
19:09
Speaker 1: I need physical touch, I need it all. Yes, I'm
19:12
Speaker 1: an independent girlie and I can absolutely froth a Friday
19:16
Speaker 1: night on my own or a week or whatever that is.
19:18
Speaker 1: But I fucking love a little bit of attention. Give
19:21
Speaker 1: me a compliment. Yeah, no, I can. I've never been
19:24
Speaker 1: one that hates compliments. No, no, I'm not like if
19:28
Speaker 1: you give me a compliment, I'm not getting shy.
19:30
Speaker 2: You're so right, I am gassed. I'm like, absolutely what else?
19:35
Speaker 2: You got a stude observation?
19:37
Speaker 1: One?
19:38
Speaker 2: And another one and another.
19:39
Speaker 1: One, and then the next one that I want to
19:42
Speaker 1: finish on is feeling lazy. It is so normal to
19:45
Speaker 1: wake up and you just know it in your bones
19:49
Speaker 1: and you're like, today's not the day.
19:51
Speaker 2: It's not the day.
19:51
Speaker 1: You know, when you're at the gym and you're like
19:53
Speaker 1: ten minutes in and you're like, this fucking sucks. Yeah,
19:57
Speaker 1: you know what, pick your shit up, go home.
20:00
Speaker 2: I had a day like that the other day, What
20:02
Speaker 2: did you do?
20:03
Speaker 1: I left? Yeah, good, I should.
20:05
Speaker 2: I don't want to be here, And I went every
20:08
Speaker 2: time I don't want to be here.
20:10
Speaker 1: I really tried.
20:11
Speaker 2: I really tried to push the like maybe I just
20:14
Speaker 2: need to put the tap. I put the ten minute
20:15
Speaker 2: time round. Good girl, and I said, got to eleven
20:18
Speaker 2: minutes and I said, I'm gone.
20:19
Speaker 1: You said us the love easta baby. Yeah, yeah, good.
20:22
Speaker 1: It's totally normal to feel lazy. It's totally normal to
20:25
Speaker 1: not be productive and fucking life hack your entire day
20:28
Speaker 1: and like habit, stack and shower and go to planties
20:32
Speaker 1: and drink your water. If you're feeling lazy, give yourself
20:34
Speaker 1: the lazy day. It's so fine. Put the blind down,
20:38
Speaker 1: get into bed and go sleep.
20:41
Speaker 2: Yeah. And can I just say, if you're a person
20:43
Speaker 2: who menstruates, that is biologically built into us that there
20:48
Speaker 2: are maybe two weeks of the entire two hours of
20:51
Speaker 2: the month that you feel physically productive. And we're a
20:57
Speaker 2: program to think that we have to be productive at
21:00
Speaker 2: all times. There is a good two weeks of every
21:03
Speaker 2: month where you're going to feel low energy. Yeah, so
21:06
Speaker 2: leaning off, yeah, write it off?
21:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, shall we get into advice with the chicks. Yes,
21:16
Speaker 1: do you believe in right person? Wrong timing? Dearest chickies.
21:21
Speaker 1: I found out my ex from a few years ago
21:23
Speaker 1: is back on the dating scene. I've known this for
21:25
Speaker 1: roughly two months now, but I can't shake the idea
21:28
Speaker 1: of him moving on. For context, we broke up because
21:32
Speaker 1: he said he wasn't ready to date, and to be honest,
21:34
Speaker 1: it destroyed me. I accidentally made out with him a
21:37
Speaker 1: few years back, drunk me whioplease, and a day or
21:41
Speaker 1: two afterwards we met up. He said he wanted to
21:43
Speaker 1: get back together. I rejected him, though, saying that it
21:46
Speaker 1: was an accident and that I had moved on and
21:48
Speaker 1: started dating again and so should he. However, this was
21:51
Speaker 1: a lie. I never went on any dates after we
21:54
Speaker 1: broke up. I thought that by saying I did, it
21:57
Speaker 1: would help us both move on emotionally. I kept repeating
22:00
Speaker 1: that narrative in my head, hoping it would eventually feel true.
22:03
Speaker 1: I was at a point in my life then where
22:05
Speaker 1: I was enjoying being independent. Now cut back to present day,
22:09
Speaker 1: where I've lived my best single life, learning to put
22:11
Speaker 1: me first and figuring out who I am. Have eventually
22:14
Speaker 1: dated a bit now too, lol, and I'm wondering whether
22:18
Speaker 1: we were a case of right person, wrong timing. We
22:21
Speaker 1: have a semi similar friend group, so I do bump
22:23
Speaker 1: into him on occasion, but we never hold a conversation
22:26
Speaker 1: long enough, and I feel like I always get butterflies
22:29
Speaker 1: around him and become too awkward to talk. Sally, be strong.
22:35
Speaker 1: I'm about to see him at another social event, and
22:37
Speaker 1: I've got the urge to give him a letter, a
22:40
Speaker 1: love letter, perhaps, Sally, keep your cool.
22:44
Speaker 2: A love letter.
22:45
Speaker 1: Perhaps about how I regret what I said, and that
22:48
Speaker 1: I had wished I had told him how I really
22:50
Speaker 1: felt the day we met up. I wish I had
22:52
Speaker 1: said that he should find himself and when he was
22:55
Speaker 1: ready to come find me. Side note, the letter is
22:59
Speaker 1: well and truly written in my journal. It's giving unhinged
23:02
Speaker 1: so obs now knowing that he is kind of getting
23:06
Speaker 1: to know someone else at the moment, is this a
23:08
Speaker 1: bad move? I can't tell if I'm only feeling this
23:11
Speaker 1: way out of jealousy that he's with someone and moving
23:15
Speaker 1: forward in a relationship before me, or if it's genuine feelings.
23:19
Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is getting so hard. I confided
23:22
Speaker 1: in a friend and they said, if I do reach
23:24
Speaker 1: out to him and the relationship with the other girl
23:27
Speaker 1: is something serious, there is a high chance that she
23:30
Speaker 1: will find out, and that I don't want to be
23:33
Speaker 1: that girl who disrespects another fair point, especially with our
23:37
Speaker 1: friend group scenario and others possibly finding out too. But
23:42
Speaker 1: also if I can picture myself married to him, then
23:45
Speaker 1: maybe it's worth the risk. I haven't fantasized about marriage
23:49
Speaker 1: to him in forever because after we broke up, I
23:52
Speaker 1: worked for a long time to let that all go.
23:54
Speaker 1: But now I've started thinking about it again and what
23:57
Speaker 1: I want in life. I'm at a crossroads. Oh my god, shit,
24:01
Speaker 1: I'm at the point now where I fantasized about this
24:05
Speaker 1: so much, picturing a new and mature relationship between us
24:08
Speaker 1: that I don't care if anyone finds out that I
24:10
Speaker 1: told him my feelings, because there's a chance that they
24:13
Speaker 1: could be reciprocated. Am I at a dangerous point in
24:16
Speaker 1: my spiraling? Do I show signs of a crazy ex girlfriend?
24:21
Speaker 1: I'm wondering if I ride out these waves of familiar
24:24
Speaker 1: emotions and eventually they will wash over me, But what
24:27
Speaker 1: if they don't and then it's too late to say anything?
24:29
Speaker 1: What would you do. Thanks, gals, appreciate your input. Oh
24:33
Speaker 1: my god.
24:34
Speaker 2: My god, that was an emotional role ago. Oh my god.
24:39
Speaker 1: I feel so many different points. Me is like, give
24:42
Speaker 1: him the fucking letter, bitchy.
24:45
Speaker 2: But I'm like, if you were his, like new boot.
24:49
Speaker 1: Fel like, I feel so many different things. I don't know.
24:54
Speaker 2: I feel like, though, my what my overriding emotion is
25:01
Speaker 2: that you have to say something? Really, I think so.
25:05
Speaker 2: I don't know if the letter is the right way
25:10
Speaker 2: to go about it. I'm not sure. I would love
25:13
Speaker 2: to see a draft. I'm happy to read over it.
25:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, can you send them some suggestions proofread.
25:21
Speaker 2: But I just think that you might regret it if
25:25
Speaker 2: you don't say anything, like you might always wonder what
25:30
Speaker 2: if and even if he says it's not reciprocated, I
25:34
Speaker 2: really want to pursue.
25:35
Speaker 1: That you can move on.
25:37
Speaker 2: You can move on. You at least know you put
25:40
Speaker 2: it out there, and then you can the fantasies will
25:42
Speaker 2: peter off. I think once you've a conversation.
25:45
Speaker 1: The only thing I would say is that if you're
25:47
Speaker 1: friends with the girl that he's seeing, I wouldn't say anything. Yes,
25:51
Speaker 1: I think I like if you're friends, because I think
25:53
Speaker 1: that will just that will become too much exactly.
25:57
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wasn't sure if she was a friend in
26:00
Speaker 2: the group.
26:00
Speaker 1: I know I didn't get the vibe that they are.
26:02
Speaker 2: But I'm just definitely I agree coding with that.
26:06
Speaker 1: But yeah, I kind of want you to give him
26:10
Speaker 1: a letter.
26:10
Speaker 2: Especially because you weren't honest about how you actually felt
26:14
Speaker 2: when you first said I don't want to be with you.
26:18
Speaker 2: You can apologize for not telling your truth and that
26:21
Speaker 2: you were trying to protect yourself and you know, and
26:25
Speaker 2: you can say like you don't have to reciprocate.
26:27
Speaker 1: Also, you're really funny.
26:30
Speaker 2: I love the way you wrote that. You really took
26:32
Speaker 2: us on a jymnel. So I feel like the letter
26:35
Speaker 2: is probably my God.
26:37
Speaker 1: Can you send this for letter or can you please
26:39
Speaker 1: tell us what happens?
26:41
Speaker 2: I don't know. Am I choosing chaotic either? No?
26:44
Speaker 1: I feel like this is the first one that I'm
26:46
Speaker 1: like so stumped on. But like, if they are boyfriend
26:51
Speaker 1: and girlfriend, don't like I think for me, it really
26:56
Speaker 1: depends on how early the stage is of this that
27:00
Speaker 1: he's seeing. If they've been on like two dates, go
27:03
Speaker 1: for it. Yeah, like I think, given the letter, But
27:05
Speaker 1: if they are like if they've been dating for like
27:07
Speaker 1: six months, even like maybe even three months, I would
27:12
Speaker 1: potentially think about it because that's when like you don't
27:16
Speaker 1: want to like step into something that doesn't involve you,
27:20
Speaker 1: And like then I think if that's the case, you
27:23
Speaker 1: need to let him go and date this person if
27:25
Speaker 1: they've been dating for like six months, and then if
27:27
Speaker 1: they break up, then then jump back in. Yeah, But
27:30
Speaker 1: like I think it just depends on how developed that
27:34
Speaker 1: dating scenario that he's seeing someone is and making sure
27:37
Speaker 1: that you just remain respectful of that, because I completely
27:41
Speaker 1: understand what she's saying, being like I don't want to
27:42
Speaker 1: be like the crazy ex girlfriend, yeah and disrespect somebody else,
27:48
Speaker 1: So just keep that in mind. But if they've only
27:51
Speaker 1: been on like two dates, give him a fucking letter, girl.
27:54
Speaker 1: And I know I'm also not like a no, don't
27:56
Speaker 1: get back with an next person, but sometimes it works out.
27:59
Speaker 1: I know I'm not normally like I'm normally like if
28:02
Speaker 1: it didn't work the first time, like, what's going to
28:04
Speaker 1: make it work the second time? I think I would
28:05
Speaker 1: also really like analyze that, like is it actually going
28:09
Speaker 1: to be different? Like have you changed? Has he changed?
28:11
Speaker 2: Why did you break up in the first place, broke
28:13
Speaker 2: up with her? Yeah, why did he break up?
28:15
Speaker 1: Then he wants to get back together with her? Yeah? Well,
28:18
Speaker 1: even that, I feel like we're being very helpful. I
28:22
Speaker 1: wish I had more detail.
28:24
Speaker 2: I wish I knew like the circumstances.
28:27
Speaker 1: Give a thumbs up if you think she should give
28:29
Speaker 1: him the letter, or give her thumbs down.
28:34
Speaker 2: Down, thumbs down?
28:35
Speaker 1: She so stay out of it, Okay.
28:38
Speaker 2: Maybe that's yeah, I've got my period. I feel like
28:41
Speaker 2: I'm emotional.
28:42
Speaker 1: Okay, I think yeah maybe. Oh no, do you know
28:46
Speaker 1: what as well? Okay, I need you to just I
28:49
Speaker 1: need you to make the decisions.
28:50
Speaker 2: Sound okay. What I will say is that she's got
28:54
Speaker 2: a lot of conflicting feelings here, and she's also mentioned
28:57
Speaker 2: that she doesn't know if she's just jealous. And there
29:01
Speaker 2: are two options here.
29:02
Speaker 1: It's either this one is a stunt.
29:04
Speaker 2: It does. It's either right person, wrong time, or you
29:09
Speaker 2: always want what you can't have.
29:12
Speaker 1: True.
29:13
Speaker 2: I think you need to sit down in a quiet room,
29:16
Speaker 2: light a candle and really assess do you actually want
29:22
Speaker 2: to be with him or do you want a boyfriend?
29:26
Speaker 2: And you miss what you used to have and now
29:29
Speaker 2: that he's with somebody else you're like, oh.
29:31
Speaker 1: Fuck, we've done a one eighty, haven't we.
29:33
Speaker 2: Yeah? Okay, But I think, like, really think about that,
29:37
Speaker 2: Like asking you, honestly, during times in previous relationships with
29:41
Speaker 2: you where you've had conflicting feelings, do you think you
29:44
Speaker 2: knew deep down what the right thing was to do. Yeah,
29:50
Speaker 2: see what I'm saying, I do it. But that's what
29:52
Speaker 2: I mean. I think that deep down you know the
29:55
Speaker 2: right thing to do. And it might be a case
29:58
Speaker 2: of maybe you need to do a prop list, maybe
30:01
Speaker 2: you need to write, do some journaling something.
30:03
Speaker 1: The one thing I will add is that, like when
30:07
Speaker 1: I had an ex break my heart and like we
30:12
Speaker 1: you know, played the get back together, don't get back
30:15
Speaker 1: together and the hot and cold thing, My one thing
30:19
Speaker 1: that I do wish I did was just leave it
30:22
Speaker 1: where it was when it did end, because I kind
30:26
Speaker 1: of just put my heartbreak into like after pay installments. Yeah. So,
30:32
Speaker 1: sometimes as hard as it is to walk away from
30:35
Speaker 1: something that is actually the best thing for you. But
30:39
Speaker 1: please still send us the letter.
30:41
Speaker 2: Oh my god, maybe she should burn it.
30:45
Speaker 1: Burn the letter.
30:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, rip it out of your journal.
30:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, rip it out of your journal and burn it.
30:51
Speaker 1: Did I say? Sit there and look stupid. No, I
30:53
Speaker 1: said that was not a good advice.
30:58
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry.
30:59
Speaker 1: I think we've actually confused her more than when she started.
31:02
Speaker 1: I okay, ruling jury, what is your delivery? I think
31:07
Speaker 1: she's got to sit on it, and I think, you
31:10
Speaker 1: know what, if it's meant for you, it'll find, it'll find,
31:12
Speaker 1: it will not be difficult. Yeah, okay, let's wrap it there.
31:16
Speaker 1: It's otherwise we can go back and forth. I agree.
31:18
Speaker 2: I'm really sorry for sending you mixed messages. I was
31:21
Speaker 2: going on an emotional roller coaster then. Yeah, I think
31:25
Speaker 2: I really got swept up in the rom com of
31:27
Speaker 2: it all.
31:27
Speaker 1: I still stand by the fact that if they've been
31:29
Speaker 1: on like one date, you can still shoot your shop.
31:31
Speaker 1: Thank you, chicks for listening to another episode of two
31:34
Speaker 1: Broke Chick Jokes. We love being in your ear holes,
31:37
Speaker 1: big kisses, big smooches, and I hope this episode has
31:40
Speaker 1: felt like a little bit of a hug except for
31:42
Speaker 1: that last bit. Don't know what happened.
31:44
Speaker 2: There, don't you pick?
31:46
Speaker 1: Don't you think? But thank you so much, we love you,
31:50
Speaker 1: and yeah, we'll see you on Thursday for another chat.
31:54
Speaker 2: Another gorgeous chat with the chicks, Bye bye, now bye.
31:58
Speaker 2: Thanks to Amaka made for making today's EPISO.
32:00
Speaker 1: It happened, she says.
32:10
Speaker 2: H