Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / What Do Narcissists Love About You?

Transcript

What Do Narcissists Love About You? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So what happens when you ask a narcissist what they love about
• 0:04
  you? Like what goes on in their
• 0:06
  minds? How does a narcissist respond to
• 0:10
  that question when it's asked to them directly or you when you
• 0:14
  text it to them? That's what we're talking about
• 0:16
  today, y'all? That's what we're covering
• 0:18
  today. What goes on inside the mind of
• 0:20
  a narcissist or how do they respond when you ask them what
• 0:24
  they love about you? And we go hop right into it
• 0:28
  y'all? Y'all know?
• 0:28
  No intro. We just left the gym we brought
• 0:31
  hopping right into it y'all. But narcissist.
• 0:34
  Can the narcissist love you? I know a lot of people were like
• 0:36
  Lee answer that question first. Can they love you in the 1st
• 0:39
  place y'all? I think some narcissists can
• 0:43
  love you right? And I think a lot of narcissists
• 0:45
  think that they love you. I think a lot of narcissists
• 0:48
  think that they are showing you love when they're doing physical
• 0:52
  things. They think by being with you
• 0:54
  that they love you and you should know that they love you
• 0:56
  because they are choosing to be with you.
• 0:58
  I let's get that out the way first.
• 1:00
  Now, are there some narcissists who are or narcissistic people
• 1:03
  who are devoid and who lack the ability to love?
• 1:06
  Yes, absolutely. There's there's some other they
• 1:09
  absolutely do not love. They cannot love.
• 1:11
  I I truly believe that as well. But when you ask a narcissist
• 1:15
  what they love about you, what happens?
• 1:19
  Now I know a lot of y'all had this experience and I had a
• 1:21
  girl, a woman in my group today that shared a letter.
• 1:25
  She put a letter in the in my support group mental illness.net
• 1:29
  about a letter her cheating narcissistic husband sent to
• 1:33
  her. And he described what he loved
• 1:36
  about her in the letter. Like literally it was pretty
• 1:40
  horrible. Y'all like he got caught
• 1:41
  cheating having he's been having affairs for nine years and he
• 1:45
  wrote her a letter after he got caught for the final time as you
• 1:50
  want us to leave, he said in the letter.
• 1:52
  You always been asking me what I loved about you and I've been
• 1:57
  struggling to answer that question for 9:00.
• 1:59
  Years. Not because I don't love you,
• 2:01
  not because the love doesn't exist.
• 2:03
  It's because the depth of the love that I have.
• 2:06
  For you. I guess I can't explain, but do
• 2:10
  you know what he said? He said, well, here it is, you
• 2:13
  deserve the hideous words. Since this might be the last
• 2:15
  time I get a chance to speak to you or message you or or write
• 2:19
  you a letter, here it is. Here's what I really love about
• 2:22
  you. You know what this man said,
• 2:24
  everything that he listed that he loved about her was something
• 2:28
  that benefited him. Just like you're going to
• 2:32
  experience if you dealt with a narcissist or a toxic person and
• 2:35
  you had to deal with this type of you've had to deal with this
• 2:37
  experience, right? You've had to deal with this
• 2:39
  person literally like for years and you ask them what they love
• 2:43
  about you. A lot of the time they're going
• 2:46
  to say something or some things that benefit them directly.
• 2:53
  They're going to say stuff that benefits them.
• 2:56
  Like this man literally went off on a tangent and said, I love
• 3:00
  the fact that you've been. I've loved the fact that you
• 3:02
  love me. What?
• 3:05
  I love the fact that you're so. Forgiving and so kind and so
• 3:08
  caring. I love the fact that you you,
• 3:12
  you saw through all the mistakes and errors and you fought for
• 3:15
  this relationship. When even.
• 3:16
  When I didn't think I. Deserved it.
• 3:18
  I love the fact that you, you, you listen more than you speak.
• 3:22
  I love the fact that you forgive me and you love me and the way
• 3:25
  that you love me. I love the fact that you've been
• 3:28
  there for me. I love the fact that you cared
• 3:30
  about me. I love the fact that you do
• 3:32
  this. You're such a generous person.
• 3:34
  You've been giving and giving and giving even when you didn't
• 3:36
  receive much in return. I love the fact that you stepped
• 3:39
  by me. It took by my side when
• 3:41
  everybody else turned to me. What a narcissist loves about
• 3:46
  you is going to be something that benefits them.
• 3:50
  And I know that sucks for a lot of people to hear, but you have
• 3:53
  to hear it. If you're trying to heal from
• 3:54
  narcissistic abuse or deal with a toxic narcissistic person, you
• 3:58
  need to absolutely hear the fact that most of the stuff that they
• 4:01
  love about you is going to be something that benefits them.
• 4:03
  It's going to be something physical.
• 4:05
  I love them cheeks. I love the way them cheeks look
• 4:08
  when you walk away. I love that money.
• 4:14
  It's it's yeah. It's almost always going to be
• 4:21
  something that is beneficial to them.
• 4:25
  It Yeah, that's just the way it is.
• 4:28
  They're almost always going to find something that benefits
• 4:31
  them directly for what they love about you.
• 4:35
  And a lot of times when you, if you can go up to you're like,
• 4:37
  yo, you can go up to your narcissistic partner and ask
• 4:39
  them if you have like right here.
• 4:41
  Well, we have our way into the video.
• 4:42
  We are 4 minutes and 43 seconds in.
• 4:45
  If you've ever asked a narcissist what they loved about
• 4:48
  you, literally put him. If you ever asked the narcissist
• 4:52
  what they love about you, what was their response?
• 4:57
  What was their response? You see what I'm saying?
• 4:59
  Because most times their response is going to be
• 5:02
  something that they can benefit from something.
• 5:05
  Also, what they love about you is something that they can use
• 5:09
  right now. In that letter that I just told
• 5:13
  you about and she posted it in the group, right?
• 5:16
  That letter that she posted, it said like he was telling her, he
• 5:20
  was telling her stuff that he needed right now.
• 5:22
  He needs forgiveness, he needs understanding, he needs another
• 5:27
  chance, he needs something from her.
• 5:30
  That's pretty much what he was saying.
• 5:32
  What they love about you is going to be something that they
• 5:35
  need from you right now. Again, I'm not saying that all
• 5:39
  narcissists are going to be the same and every narcissist is
• 5:42
  going to love this about you or that about you.
• 5:44
  I'm not saying that at all. I'm just saying that when you're
• 5:47
  dealing with a person that has this personality type that
• 5:51
  typically if it comes up, it's going to be something about
• 5:56
  them. Just think about it, y'all, if
• 5:58
  you've ever postulated this question to them before or asked
• 6:01
  them, I might have used that word wrong.
• 6:02
  If you ever asked them this question before, what do they
• 6:04
  say to you? I love the way you laugh at my
• 6:07
  jokes. I love the way that you love me.
• 6:11
  I love the way that you, you're, you're cooking clean for me.
• 6:14
  I love the way that you pay these bills.
• 6:16
  I mean, I love that. Like y'all, it's never going
• 6:19
  there. Very rarely, I'm not going.
• 6:21
  I was going to say never, but I try not to speak in absolutes.
• 6:25
  Very rarely are they going to say some type of deep emotional
• 6:27
  connection, right? Very rarely are they going to
• 6:31
  say they love you, something about you that doesn't benefit
• 6:34
  them. Most times it's going to be
• 6:37
  something that is in direct benefit to them or something
• 6:42
  that they need from you. If you just caught them cheating
• 6:46
  and now they're telling you what they love about you, they
• 6:48
  haven't done it. This woman, this, this woman I
• 6:50
  mentioned earlier, he hasn't done it in nine years.
• 6:55
  So he went nine years without saying a word to her about what
• 6:58
  he loved, but now he's trying to tell her.
• 7:01
  You know what I really need from you?
• 7:02
  What I really love about you. Is all the stuff that you've.
• 7:06
  Done for me all the time that you've been there for me when I
• 7:09
  didn't deserve it. All the love, all this, all
• 7:12
  that, I have to let you know. That.
• 7:16
  This is what's. Going on, right?
• 7:18
  Now I need you more than. Ever.
• 7:20
  So they love the fact that you've given them many chances.
• 7:24
  They. Yeah, I'm just being real with
• 7:25
  y'all. They're going to keep loving
• 7:28
  this stuff about you because it benefits them.
• 7:31
  This is why I tell so many people they're like, if you're
• 7:34
  dealing with this narcissistic person, the stuff that they love
• 7:37
  about you is not going to change very easily.
• 7:41
  And I know some people out there willing to try to work it out,
• 7:43
  willing to try to forgive them and get over it and move
• 7:45
  forward. Yo, if they only love stuff, if
• 7:49
  you've been with this person for years upon years about years,
• 7:52
  and they can't describe what they love about you.
• 7:55
  If you ask them and they say, I don't know, sometimes you can
• 7:58
  Sometimes. Yeah, sometimes you can directly
• 7:59
  ask them to their face and they'll be like, I don't know,
• 8:02
  hey, babe, what do you love about me?
• 8:04
  They'll be like, what? I don't know.
• 8:07
  I why you asking me this? Sometimes, Yeah, sometimes
• 8:11
  they'll get mad at you because sometimes they'll get mad at you
• 8:15
  because of it, right? They'll get mad at you because
• 8:20
  you asked them this simple question.
• 8:23
  They will just get pissed off at you because you asked them what
• 8:25
  they love about you. You know, if you sometimes
• 8:29
  they'll ask you back, hey, babe, what you love about me?
• 8:33
  What kind of question is that? What do you love about me?
• 8:34
  And then you'll go into detail about what you love about them
• 8:37
  and they'll just repeat back to you.
• 8:40
  And yes, do some people have difficulty describing exactly
• 8:44
  what they love about someone? Yes.
• 8:45
  That doesn't make you a narcissist, right?
• 8:47
  But is if they are only describing things that benefit
• 8:50
  them, if they're only describing things that they can take from
• 8:53
  you or something, that something physical, then you have to ask
• 8:57
  yourself this, is this the type of love that I want to be
• 9:00
  dealing with for perhaps the duration of my life, right?
• 9:05
  For perhaps the perhaps the rest of my life?
• 9:08
  Can I handle this? Can I deal with this?
• 9:10
  Is this something that I'm prepared for right here?
• 9:13
  These are all really serious questions that you have to get
• 9:15
  clear on, y'all? Because then I'm just telling
• 9:17
  you, the narcissist or the types of person that you're dealing
• 9:20
  with, they're not going to change this.
• 9:21
  They're not going to change up overnight.
• 9:23
  They're just not, they're not going to change their behaviors
• 9:25
  overnight. They're going to always find
• 9:27
  something that benefits them. If you ask them what they love
• 9:30
  about you, it's going to be physical.
• 9:32
  I love you because you do this. I love you because you let me do
• 9:36
  this. I love you because you let me
• 9:38
  get away with this. Very rarely it's going to be
• 9:41
  because I just love you, you know?
• 9:43
  I can't explain the words. I just love you, the person you
• 9:48
  are, how kind you are to everybody else.
• 9:51
  You're genuinely good spirit like you do you just light up
• 9:54
  every room that you walk into. I love the fact that you're a
• 9:56
  beacon of light to this world, not just to me.
• 9:59
  I love the fact that you, you know, you're a great significant
• 10:02
  other. You're a great parent.
• 10:04
  You, you, you do so many great things.
• 10:06
  You're just an amazing person. I love the fact that I get to
• 10:08
  love you. You just I'm just, I just love
• 10:11
  you so much like you are you complete me.
• 10:15
  You really do like you're the kind of we, we, we balance each
• 10:18
  other very well. This is what love is supposed to
• 10:20
  be. We, you know, we giving, we get,
• 10:22
  we give and we take, we receive and we give.
• 10:24
  You know, it's balance and I love you so much.
• 10:29
  You let's see, that's that's not that's kind of non narcissistic,
• 10:32
  right? A narcissist be like, I love you
• 10:34
  because you did this for me. I love you because you did that
• 10:37
  for me. I love you because you're here
• 10:39
  with me. I love you because you picked me
• 10:41
  when you shouldn't have. You know most people would call
• 10:44
  you a dumb as hell for picking me because I'm a liar, I'm a
• 10:46
  cheater, I'm a bum. I I I've had multiple kids on
• 10:50
  this relate. I hone you.
• 10:51
  I don't work. I live off of you.
• 10:53
  Like most people tell you to leave me alone, but you didn't.
• 10:57
  You didn't. I love the fact that you don't
• 10:58
  listen to the crowd even when the crowd is 1,000,000 versus
• 11:02
  me. Everybody in the world thinks
• 11:04
  you're wrong for dating me. But I love the fact that you
• 11:07
  think I'm right. You chose me when you know you
• 11:11
  shouldn't have. I love you.
• 11:16
  Yeah. I've been telling you that's how
• 11:18
  some narcissists feel. They will absolutely feel like
• 11:21
  they they can only love the fact that you chose them when you
• 11:24
  know you shouldn't have. They love the fact that you're
• 11:26
  you're forgiving. They love the fact that you
• 11:28
  don't hold them accountable or whatever it is.
• 11:30
  They love the fact that you forgive them for whatever
• 11:32
  they've done. You find a way in your heart to
• 11:35
  forgive. I love the fact that you're just
• 11:36
  so forgiving. So what happens when you ask a
• 11:39
  narcissist what they love about you?
• 11:40
  Have you ever done it before? Drop it in the comment section,
• 11:42
  y'all. Anyway, y'all let's wrap this
• 11:44
  thing up. mentalillness.net for all things Lee Hammock.
• 11:48
  You find it at the bottom of the screen or the description of
• 11:51
  every video and podcast that I post.
• 11:53
  Hit the subscribe button wherever you listen to this at.
• 11:55
  If you on YouTube, click one of these to watch another video and
• 11:58
  I am out. Peace.