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how NOT to heal your mental health · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

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  There is so much mental health self help advice out there,
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  enough to last a lifetime. Tuning into all of that and
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  trying to pay attention to it all and actually apply it to
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  your life can be incredibly overwhelming.
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  Today we'll be simplifying it and going over how not to heal
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  your mental health. Please remember, I'm not a
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  doctor, not a psychiatrist. I'm not a professional in the
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  mental health industry. I'm just a guy who, like you,
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  has felt some very big feelings. And in that process, I've
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  learned a lot about mental health and I know it helps me.
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  And I want to start the conversation about mental health
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  in a casual, relatable way. My name is Ethan Jewell, and
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  welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
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  Now imagine you're trying to solve a puzzle, but instead of
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  looking at the picture on the box and examining the pieces,
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  you're just jamming the pieces into spots they don't belong.
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  The pieces start to get damaged and the puzzle is ruined.
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  Frustrating, right? Well, sometimes when we're
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  healing our mental health, we do the same thing without even
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  realizing it. We engage in behaviors that may
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  seem helpful but can actually set us back or create new
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  challenges. Today, we're going to discuss
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  how not to heal your mental health.
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  And 1st, we're going to start with one of the biggest
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  mistakes, which is treating the symptoms of mental health
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  struggles while ignoring the root cause.
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  It's like trying to patch a leaky pipe by mopping the floor.
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  It might look cleaner for a moment, but the water keeps on
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  coming. The pipe stays broken.
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  For example, you might throw yourself into distractions like
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  work, hobbies, or even excessive self-care without addressing the
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  underlying issues. Yes, excessive self-care does
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  exist. It may feel like you're engaging
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  in these activities to help yourself.
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  It may feel like all of the self improvement you're doing is
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  actually helping. But in reality, but it could be
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  distracting you from the real work you need to do, maybe work
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  you need to do in therapy or through meditation.
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  There's only so much that these physical distractions can do.
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  Now this varies person to person and of course you know yourself
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  best, but it's something to be aware of.
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  Healing starts by facing the why, even if it's uncomfortable.
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  You're not in the wrong for being afraid of diving into
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  those feelings. I mean, it sucks.
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  Getting to the root cause is not going to be pleasant, and it'll
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  require weeks, months, or even years of work, learning your
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  feelings and getting familiar with patterns.
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  It may take professional help, a solid support system, and some
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  intense grieving, but the work is worth it.
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  It's worth it to patch up those holes and move forward with new
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  knowledge about yourself. Addressing the root of mental
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  health issues is the route forward to permanent mental
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  health recovery. You can't just patch these
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  holes. You can't just paint over the
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  trauma and pain that you have felt.
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  Yes, it'll be easier that way, but in the long term it will
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  only grow more difficult. You have to address the roots of
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  the pain that you feel. Another harmful thing you can do
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  during your mental health journey is comparing yourself to
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  others. Whether it's scrolling through
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  social media or hearing about someone else's progress, it's
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  easy to fall into the trap of thinking why aren't I as far
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  along as they are? Here's the thing, healing is not
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  a race or a competition. It's deeply personal and no two
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  people have the same starting point, challenges, or resources.
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  When you compare your journey to someone else's, you're comparing
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  apples to oranges. And you might see someone
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  posting about their morning meditation routine, their
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  therapy breakthroughs, or their new found happiness, but you're
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  only seeing a highlight reel. You don't see the setbacks, the
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  struggles in the context behind their progress.
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  If you compare your own journeys to this highlight reel on social
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  media or this highlight reel that they may be talking about,
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  you will only be disappointed and unmotivated by your own
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  progress. The truth is, healing is dirty
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  and it is exhausting and it is not perfect.
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  It's not linear. You will have setbacks.
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  You will have bad days, bad weeks, bad months, even bad
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  years. It's difficult and it's a ever
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  growing process. You have to learn what works for
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  you and what doesn't. And through that you will fail
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  over and over and over again. And if you're constantly
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  comparing yourself to other people in their highlight reels
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  or you know, maybe just the parts that they want to share.
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  People don't want to talk about the failures in their mental
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  health journey. If you compare to that that
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  perfected and polished narrative about their mental health
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  journey, you will only be disappointed and less motivated.
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  So how do you avoid this trap? This might sound
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  oversimplifying, but instead of looking outward you you need to
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  practice looking inward, reflecting on where you started,
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  how far you've come, even if the steps feel small.
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  I used to hear advice like this about reflecting and being
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  present with your feelings and all these different things and I
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  always thought that it was kind of BS.
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  Like what do you mean? Part of the process is just
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  sitting down and thinking, but truly it's so important to get
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  to know yourself, to really sit and reflect and think about how
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  far you've come. It's a great way to track
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  progress. Like now I, I often find myself
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  struggling to really grasp the progress that I've made in
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  mental health. And I'll think, wow, all of
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  these years and I'm right back where I started.
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  But, and I sit and I have some reflection and I think about
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  how, you know, I used to not be able to get out of bed until
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  2:00 PM, how it was difficult to take care of myself, how it was
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  difficult to see friends. And I reflect back on that.
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  And now, yes, I, I still struggle now, but I'm able to
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  take care of myself and I'm getting out of bed and I'm
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  engaging in routines. So in the same way, I encourage
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  you to reflect as you embark on your healing journey.
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  Maybe let's think back a year ago, two years ago, five years
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  ago, where you were have a little bit of pride, acknowledge
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  the ways that you've improved, maybe the ways that you haven't.
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  Healing isn't about dramatic changes overnight.
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  It's about gradual growth. And for that growth, you got to
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  set realistic goals. Emphasis on realistic.
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  Maybe the goal is simply getting up in the morning on restful
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  days instead of the afternoon. Maybe the goal is to talk to a
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  friend every day. Small goals like this can have a
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  realistic impact on your progress and reflecting on them.
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  Also, be really careful on social media.
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  Comparison is the thief of joy and social media is the breeding
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  ground for comparison. Lots of self help content on
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  social media can actually end up being sort of harmful.
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  Another common way to sabotage your mental health is also by
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  ignoring or failing to set boundaries.
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  It's easy to fall into the trap of saying yes to everything,
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  helping a friend move, working late hours, taking on
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  responsibilities that leave you burnt out just because you don't
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  want to disappoint anyone. But here's the thing, constantly
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  putting others needs ahead of your own doesn't make you strong
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  or selfless, it makes you exhausted.
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  Without boundaries, you're essentially telling yourself
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  that your needs don't matter, which can lead to resentment,
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  stress, and emotional overwhelm. Setting boundaries It isn't
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  selfish, it's self preservation. Practice small but firm boundary
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  setting. If someone asks something of you
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  and it's too much, try saying I'd love to help but I can't
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  right now. And remember, protecting your
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  mental health should always be a priority.
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  Now I'm not saying you should shut everyone down all the time.
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  It's it's good to help, it's how we form community.
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  But there's a line to walk and only you will know that line.
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  As you experiment with boundaries, it's important to
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  protect yourself. Finally, let's address the
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  elephant in the room, the self help overload.
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  Now this is coming from someone with this podcast, which is a
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  self help podcast. It's a mental health podcast.
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  Now, although self help content seems like it's completely
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  harmless, I genuinely think there can be a negative from
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  consuming too much of this content.
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  Yes, I said it on my self help podcast.
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  Podcasts, books, YouTube videos, affirmations.
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  There's so much advice out there and it can feel overwhelming.
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  This can lead to analysis paralysis, a state where we
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  become convinced that we need to take the perfect steps in order
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  to get anywhere. We have to have a plan locked
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  down and goals set before even starting.
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  That's unrealistic for mental health recovery.
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  You just have to start. Also lots of self help content
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  is just plain unrealistic. Like sorry I don't want to run a
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  5K every day to help my mental health.
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  I'm depressed, I want to just get out of bed once a day.
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  Some of it is plain unhelpful and almost borderline
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  disrespectful to those of us that are struggling with mental
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  health. Avoid the trap of unhelpful self
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  help content. Sometimes people consume self
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  help content to the point where it becomes a substitute for
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  action. It's like reading about an
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  exercise but never actually hitting the gym.
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  Action oriented approaches like mindfulness, going to therapy,
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  reflecting all these kind of things that are actually doing
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  something, They're far more effective than passively
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  consuming content. So yes, keep learning, but
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  balance it with real world steps.
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  I love that you join me here to feel your feelings every week
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  and I hope you continue to do so.
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  But without action, these talks will only do so much for your
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  mental health. So I challenge you, take what
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  you learned from these podcasts and apply them to your life.
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  Do your own research, find what works for you.
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  Remember, I'm not a professional, so take what I say
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  with a grain of salt. I've felt these feelings.
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  I know what it's like to be in your shoes.
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  I know what it's like to struggle and desperately want to
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  get better, to wake up every day hoping for a change.
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  And I'll tell you right now, the only change can come from
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  within. The change can only be started
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  by you, and you are capable. You are absolutely capable.
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  So from this episode, I hope you take the fact that there are
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  some traps out there when recovering from mental health.
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  There are things that can feel like they're helping, but
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  they're actually not. So learn what works for you and
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  be aware of these things that might actually not be helping
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  your mental health. That's going to wrap it up for
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  today's episode. Thank you so much for being
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  here. If you need help feeling your
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  feelings, please check out my music on all platforms under the
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  name of Ethan Jewell. I just had a new song come out
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  and I think you'll really like it.
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  Also, I have a poetry book that is all about helping you feel
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  your feelings. It's called I Feel Everything
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  All the Time and it's available on my website ethanjewell.com.
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  So thank you so much for being here.
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  Thank you for understanding how not to heal your mental health.
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  And as always, thank you for feeling your feelings.
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  I'll see you next time.