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Relationship series: Pursue maturity! · Spending time with Dr. Christina

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  Hello and welcome back to my podcast spending
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  time with dr. Christina. We're now in season
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  9 and we're talking about relationships Welcome
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  to the relationship series. Our first topic is
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  going to be about maturity So when I first decided
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  to talk about this issue I realized this has
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  to be a primary subject to be talked about because
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  a lot of the issues and I have one doctorate
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  that's in counseling. A lot of the issues that
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  I see, even from friendships or people that just
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  want to share what's going on in their lives,
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  acquaintances or such, I realize they are dealing
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  with maturity issues. So I want to spend some
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  time on this subject so that people out there
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  can identify what they're dealing with and how
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  to handle it. And of course, there are many other
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  related subjects that I'm going to be talking
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  about, but this is very important to cover. So
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  let's begin. When we think about maturity, a
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  lot of folks don't realize that different attributes
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  in a person's behavior represents whether they're
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  mature or not. And while I have a subject coming
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  up talking about red flags, I want to deal specifically
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  with identifying if a person is mature or not.
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  Now let's start with a very simple definition,
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  right? Maturity is someone that ideally is fully
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  developed. They are grown. And I even want to
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  come back to that term grown because so many
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  people want to say hey my kids are grown or this
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  person is grown and really they're not grown
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  because when I talk about grown I'm talking specifically
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  about a person that is stable they're mature
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  they are able to be sensible and they're calm
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  and they have way of approaching matters that
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  are just even age -appropriate. They don't react
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  with say impulse or anger but they are calm and
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  they are stable. Just want to reinforce that
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  right now. So today when I see a lot of young
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  people even older folks but specifically young
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  people they want to say hey I'm grown even a
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  lot of parents want to say I'm grown I want to
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  revisit this for a second. grown is again being
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  mature you are stable an age does not determine
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  how mature a person is doesn't mean anything
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  if you're not mature enough and stable enough
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  to respond to matters so I see a lot of young
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  people especially in the workforce they'll come
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  along and say hey I am grown I know what I'm
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  doing But in fact, they don't know what they're
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  doing. You may be adult enough to get a job,
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  but you may not be adult enough to do the job,
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  if you know what I mean. So being a young person,
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  especially if a young person has a family, a
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  young mother, a young father, that does not altogether
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  make you mature. Maturity is being calm. It's
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  being stable, it's being a critical thinker,
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  and it's being able to understand matters fully.
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  And I say this with a lot of emphasis, and I
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  repeat it because this is what we do as teachers
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  even, because when I hear different matters,
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  and some of them are just even cringy, I think,
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  wow, they're dealing with something that's mature.
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  I remember I had a coworker. That would say,
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  Hey, you know, she likes someone quite a bit
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  and said, Hey, this guy just doesn't want me.
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  He just doesn't like me. Well, here's the thing.
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  When you say things like that, and I'll have
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  a series even on affirmations. Um, when you say
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  things like that, you're giving off these vibes
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  and you're giving off vibes that say, I'm not
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  even mature. So I am, you know, you don't even
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  recognize what's going on with this other person,
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  but. When you're mature, you can see things sensibly.
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  You don't make excuses for other people You know,
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  I remember Maya Angelou she had a saying and
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  I agree with this a lot But you know, I'll talk
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  about categories where it differs She said when
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  a person shows you who they are believe them
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  It's a lot of truth to that and there are situations
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  where there's just no gray areas when someone
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  shows you that they're immature This is what
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  you have to believe now getting back to this
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  co -worker where she said this guy just doesn't
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  want her never Say this about yourself, right?
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  I told you i'm gonna have a series of affirmations
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  and positive thinking and even renewing the mind
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  so in going forward instead of saying Things
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  like that about yourself Why don't you identify
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  what's wrong? with the situation First of all,
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  if a person is not showing a mutual interest
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  anymore, then accept it for what it is. This
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  is maturity. There's no reasoning. There's no
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  this or that. Just accept the situation for what
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  it is. That's being a critical thinker. The next
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  thing that you want to do is work toward self
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  -esteem because when you make accusations like
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  that about yourself you are tearing down your
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  own self -esteem you may not be the reason why
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  this person is acting like it it could be a whole
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  bunch of other things but it's not for you to
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  figure out if this person is not communicating
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  these issues with you in the relationship instead
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  put a value on yourself and understand that you
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  have a worth and you don't have to full to someone
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  else's type of manipulation because in fact what
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  I see in a lot of situations when people come
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  to me for counseling and relationship counseling
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  is that they're dealing with someone that's a
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  manipulator someone that's not mature and Someone
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  that even has issues on their own. So how can
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  you help someone? When you're not even recognizing
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  these attributes number one and number two you're
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  vulnerable To these types of I want to call them
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  tactics. So we're gonna start out with This is
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  a situation where someone is being manipulated
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  second you've got to put a worth on your value
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  if Someone is not communicating different things
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  to you where you can talk things out. That's
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  maturity Talking matters out then this is someone
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  that you don't want to continue to invest time
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  in invest instead in yourself and building up
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  your self -esteem. So, with that being said,
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  let me give another example. I also remember
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  another co -worker and I had asked him one time,
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  you know, about a job he pursued. He also said,
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  I guess they don't want me. Really? All of these
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  folks out here with this kind of thinking. No.
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  You have to believe you are the best candidate.
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  You are the best person for this job You have
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  to believe that it's really not you per se Until
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  that job and they should communicate what they're
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  looking for in a candidate You have to work on
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  your self -esteem and your confidence level so
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  that you know That if you've done everything
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  to the best of your ability Maybe it's just not
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  a good fit. And hey, as I talk about jobs and
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  people that are saying this about themselves
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  and to that effect goes the same in relationships.
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  Sometimes it's just not a good fit. Sometimes
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  it's a matter of understanding that something
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  that is not meant to be, it's not going to happen
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  or at least not at that particular time. So Let
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  me now add this to give you more clarity when
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  you are dealing with the mature person They respect
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  you Not only that Communication should be clear
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  and if it's not clear they're able to address
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  it that's maturity and I want to leave things
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  there put a pin on this because we're going to
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  revisit this again before the end of this season,
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  but maturity says I'm a critical thinker. I'm
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  mature. I believe the best about myself and I
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  have confidence. I want to leave you guys with
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  those final thoughts and I welcome your questions.
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  I now have a new voicemail system that you can
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  leave on the podcast. So I welcome anyone that
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  is having a gray area and they're not sure what
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  to think. Listen, be a critical thinker. Identify
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  a situation for what it is and go forward. Believe
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  the best and believe you deserve the best. I
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  thank you all for joining me this week. This
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  is the end of this episode and until the next
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  time I wish you all a very good week.