Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / NATE JACKSON_S SUPER FUNNY COMEDY JAM _ EPISODE 10(MP3_320K)

Transcript

NATE JACKSON_S SUPER FUNNY COMEDY JAM _ EPISODE 10(MP3_320K) · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: What up, world?
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: It's your boy Nate Jackson.
• 0:02
  Speaker 3: This is the Super Funny Comedy Jam, live from Tacoma, Washington,
• 0:07
  Speaker 3: and it's going down.
• 0:08
  Speaker 4: Let me introduce you to my comedians. All the way
• 0:12
  Speaker 4: from Minnesota, my name is Adrian Washington. Thanks for having me.
• 0:17
  Speaker 5: My name's Frank Castillo, born and raised in San Jose, California,
• 0:20
  Speaker 5: from Los Angeles.
• 0:23
  Speaker 6: Tristan Johnson from East Oakland, California.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: From the Bronx, New York, by way of Los Angeles,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: it's your girl, Takara Williams.
• 0:36
  Speaker 6: Hey, y'all.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: Hello.
• 0:43
  Speaker 7: Here he is.
• 0:44
  Speaker 6: Hey, what up, y'all?
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: This is a super funny comedy jam where it goes
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: down every week with the hilarious, most funniest people in
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: the country, and it has been my pleasure to present this.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: It's wonderful. Y'all like it? Y'all experienced so far? Outstanding.
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: So listen, man, you know, I gotta look at the
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: people and see what I say and say what I see, so...
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna be honest with you and fully forthright. We
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: had an open seat and we moved somebody from the
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: back and they came down to the front. I didn't
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: know it was a real slave, but I appreciate you.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: Why'd you walk through the crowd like that?
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: She's like, I know I've been shamed.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: I know I've been shamed.
• 1:51
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: She sat down like, yes, Lord.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: I'm in the front now. Look at God. That was a.
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: Hell of a way to move through the crowd right there.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: We got so much diversity in this community. Is that
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: a brother with gold teeth right there?
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you see him?
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: I ain't never seen somebody with just a two front
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: top teeth. You saving up for the rest of them?
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: How you got just these gold? This nigga look like
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: a platinum rabbit.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: He said, what's up? What's up, doc? What the fuck?
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: What's up, doc?
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: I got a Crip Bugs bunny down here. We got
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: Cugs Cunny. He went to bed on Christmas Eve. All
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: I want for Christmas is my gold front teeth.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: What happened?
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: I've never seen that before in my life. I've seen
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: the fangs, but I've never seen just the two fronts.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: Could you please explain this decision?
• 3:14
  Speaker 6: You a what?
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: Oh, I thought you said he was trans. I was like, fam.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: Don't bite me, nigga. Gotta get a tetanus shot.
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: You say he was a trendsetter. I don't know if
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: that one's gonna catch, baby boy. Out of all the trends,
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: I don't know if that one's gonna set in stone. Hey,
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: let me just get my two front teeth, you know
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: what I'm saying? Let me ice them hoes out, you
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: know what I'm saying? What's up, baby girl?
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: Are you from here? Because we don't really do that.
• 3:46
  Speaker 8: Chicago.
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: Chicago, okay, okay. How far down the... What did the
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: street numbers say where you from? Yeah, so we gonna
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: move on, man, because.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: This is not Chicago, but if you are well-traveled, you
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: understand when they start talking about wild, wild hundreds, it's
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: time to move on. Those are not gold teeth. That
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: is two bullets. He is holding his top lip.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: Ah, nigga, say something now, nigga. Cha-cha.
• 4:13
  Speaker 7: Cha-ching!
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: I missed.
• 4:17
  Speaker 8: Cha-cha.
• 4:18
  Speaker 7: Cha-ching!
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: Appreciate you for coming out and trying to set your trend.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: That is not gonna catch. Y'all ready to start the show?
• 4:28
  Speaker 7: First coming, coming to the stage.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: Right now is my man, T.
• 4:32
  Speaker 6: Grant.
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: Y'all make some noise, more noise, more noise. Give it
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: up for Adrian Washington.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: What's good, what's good? Give it up for Nate, man.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: Putting this together, appreciate it.
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: I'm a parent, but I ain't crazy about it. You
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: know what I'm saying? Like, kids need to know that. Like,
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: kids think our lives should revolve around them. I'm like, nah, nigga,
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: you kind of got me fucked up. You know what
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: I'm saying? Because I think we need them. I told
• 5:02
  Speaker 4: my kids, if you believe I need you, leave and
• 5:04
  Speaker 4: see who called who first. I'll delete your goddamn number
• 5:08
  Speaker 4: by my phone. By the time you call me, nigga,
• 5:10
  Speaker 4: I act like we ain't never met.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: Who this? Say, yeah, take me off the list. They
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: fucked me over last time. They need to hear it.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying? Plus, I found out my.
• 5:19
  Speaker 4: Daughter was doing some weird shit. I found out my
• 5:22
  Speaker 4: daughter was taking... eggs in the middle of the cart.
• 5:26
  Speaker 4: That's psychopath behavior. If not borderline serial killer type shit,
• 5:31
  Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying? Everybody know you take eggs
• 5:33
  Speaker 4: like this, or you take eggs like this. This motherfucker
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: just grabbing eggs like she playing tic-tac-toe.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: I got OCD, I.
• 5:40
  Speaker 4: Broke every egg in the cart, and I said, ain't
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: none of these motherfuckers no more good. My wife said,
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: why you ain't just fix them? I said, because I
• 5:45
  Speaker 4: had three eggs when I only wanted two this morning
• 5:48
  Speaker 4: because I wanted to leave an even number for every
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: fucking body else.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 5:52
  Speaker 4: I ain't with no goddamn three eggs. This motherfucker just
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: grabbing eggs like shit on a Soul Train scramble board.
• 5:57
  Speaker 4: They need to hear it, because kids, you know, they
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: think we need them, man.
• 6:00
  Speaker 7: I'm like, nah.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: I told my wife, we need to just go sit
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: in the living room, asshole naked, make them feel weird.
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: Tell your niggas, hey, you might want to go get
• 6:07
  Speaker 4: something to eat, man. Your mama been watching this movie
• 6:08
  Speaker 4: about three hours. I like wrestling, you know what I'm saying?
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: They gotta know, man. I got two boys, too, but
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: you won't hear me talk about them too much, because,
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: you know, little boys, you teach them not to zip
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: their dick up in their pants, they pretty much got
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: it figured out. And no matter what, that don't happen
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: twice in a lifetime. There's some grown men in here
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: right now, niggas 60 plus, still step back, zip their
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: pants up. But that's trauma, you know what I'm saying?
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: They remember one day, when they was five, they caught
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: a little meat, you know what I'm saying? Especially white dudes,
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: you gotta be careful, you got loose skin. White dudes,
• 6:43
  Speaker 4: they should be down in their tube.
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: Socks, you know what I'm saying?
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: You can't get them John Stockton shorts. You got to
• 6:48
  Speaker 4: get them 91 Bulls shorts. Hootcher daddies ain't for everybody.
• 6:55
  Speaker 4: I got a dog that I love too. Any dog
• 6:56
  Speaker 4: dads in here?
• 6:57
  Speaker 7: Dog parents? Yeah?
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: I love that nigga more than I love my kids.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be honest. They know it too. I
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: tried to hide it, but I was like, why would
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: I hide it? They need to know. You know what
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: I'm saying? Man, and I knew I loved him because
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: I took him to the doctor. Some of y'all get it.
• 7:15
  Speaker 7: That ain't shit.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: Black folks usually do. You know what I'm saying?
• 7:19
  Speaker 7: We don't usually keep.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: Take a dog to the doctor kind of money laying around.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying? That's why we buy a
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: $ 20 dog.
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: We buy a $ 20 dog so when we do take
• 7:27
  Speaker 4: him to the doctor and he tell you it's five
• 7:29
  Speaker 4: grand to fix his leg, you got it.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: Look at here, little buddy. I hope I made you
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: as happy as you made me.
• 7:40
  Speaker 4: You can get your cell phone back up, get to
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: the car, take care of your best I know how, you.
• 7:44
  Speaker 7: Know what I'm saying?
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: Ain't got no damn $ 5, 000. Plus, I thought about it, bro.
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: I was like, I don't think it's fair that I
• 7:52
  Speaker 4: spent five grand on one leg when I can go
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: get four more new legs for $ 20 more. You know
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: what I'm saying? That just don't make sense. I ain't
• 8:00
  Speaker 4: no mathematician or nothing, but you know what I mean?
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: That's some selfish shit right there. Plus, black folks, we
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: just started letting dogs in the house like 10, 12
• 8:08
  Speaker 4: years ago.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying?
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: Niggas used to be like, hey, put King around that tree.
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: We gonna give him them ribs.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: And this Pepsi. You know what I'm saying? White folks,
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: y'all been walking dogs forever, letting them in the house.
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: And see, I'm gone a lot, man, so my dog
• 8:26
  Speaker 4: decided he wanted to sleep in the bed. I know, listen,
• 8:30
  Speaker 4: before you say anything smart, I will go John Wick
• 8:32
  Speaker 4: about my niggas. Because Blackfoot, I know Blackfoot was like, no,
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: that's too white. The dog is good enough here in
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: the house.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying? You can let him in
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: the bed.
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: And again, keep your fucking opinions to yourself.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: But I love him, man.
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying? So I was like, all right, cool.
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: You got your spot on the bed. I'm going to
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: let you have it. And then one night, I got
• 8:54
  Speaker 4: behind my wife. And then he got behind me. And
• 9:02
  Speaker 4: he looked at me like, whatever you do to her,
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: I'ma do to you. You know what I'm saying? I said, no, bruh,
• 9:09
  Speaker 4: it don't work that way up in here. You know
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: what I'm saying? It don't work that motherfucking way up
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: in here. So I said, stay right here. Daddy be
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: back sooner than you think. You know what I mean?
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: Even in your world, it's gonna be fast.
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: Stay right there. So I go in the room, start
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: trying to do my thing.
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: Soon as I start, this motherfucker just, I was.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Like, bro, we just had to talk in the car.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying? We just had to talk
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: in the hallway. Give me six minutes. I ain't trying
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: to set no record. You know what I mean?
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: I told my wife, we ain't gonna let him disturb us.
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: Turn the music up, we gonna drown him out. So
• 9:43
  Speaker 4: we turned the music up, this nigga got louder. And
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: you know, the crack under the door, he under the
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: door doing this shit. I told my wife, I said,
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: get up, my boy need me. He be there for me,
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: I gotta be there for him. I'm Adrian Washington, man.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: Thank y'all so much, I appreciate it. That dog was
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: running through the door.
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: I'm a dog, I don't know if I would call
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: it a dog daddy, because this ain't no damn child, but.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: But I love my goddamn little sweet girl Brandy. I
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: swear to God, if you got a dog and you
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: love your dog.
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: You could be as mad as you've ever been. And
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: then you see your dog and all that shit out
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: the window. I'm talking about you trying to get in
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: the bank at 5.59 and they done already closed that
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: shit at 5.58 and you got your check on you
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: trying to cash that shit.
• 10:42
  Speaker 6: Open this motherfucking door!
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: You see this, Shaq? Let me in this motherfucker.
• 10:48
  Speaker 6: I need this money so bad, I'll blow this motherfucker.
• 10:52
  Speaker 7: I'll blow.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: I'll blow.
• 10:56
  Speaker 6: Oh, come, come, come, come.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: We about to get evicted. Love my damn dog.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: I got a chocolate Cocker Spaniel. Everybody in my house black.
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: You got black dogs too?
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: You do? What kind of dog you got?
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: Ma'am, a German Shepherd is not what I was thinking.
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: That's a civil rights dog.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: Have you seen the videos?
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: What the fuck?
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: Who says a German Shepherd is a nigga dog? That
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: is not a black doll. That is a, oh, I
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: just want to eat inside. German Shepherd, I don't trust
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: them to this day. They were right there with them
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: motherfucking racist bastards.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: Oh, oh, nigga, nigga, nigga, nigga, nigga, nigga.
• 11:53
  Speaker 7: Nigga, nigga, nigga, coo, coo, coo, coo.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: Nigga, nigga, coo, coo. Fuck a German Shepherd. That ain't
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: no goddamn black doll.
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: No, what, I'm gonna say the beginning of a black
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: dog name, everybody say the second half.
• 12:09
  Speaker 6: Pit. Bull.
• 12:10
  Speaker 7: Rock.
• 12:11
  Speaker 8: Water.
• 12:12
  Speaker 6: Nigga.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: I'm like, German?
• 12:18
  Speaker 6: Y'all like, Nazi.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what the fuck?
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: German Shepherds ain't no goddamn black dog.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: Y'all ready for the next immediate?
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: Start making noise right now. Start making noise right now.
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: Start making noise right now. More noise, more noise, more noise,
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: more noise. This is my man, 10 Grant. I'm so
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: glad he said yes to doing this.
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: Y'all make some noise for Frank Castillo.
• 12:48
  Speaker 6: Yo, what's up, everybody? Make some noise.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: Hell yeah.
• 12:54
  Speaker 5: I actually really, I want to be a dad so bad.
• 12:57
  Speaker 5: Me and my wife are actually trying for our first
• 12:58
  Speaker 5: kid right now. So yeah, thank you so much.
• 13:00
  Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, she doesn't know that.
• 13:03
  Speaker 5: I've been coming at her a lot and praying. She's
• 13:06
  Speaker 5: on birth control. I'm fighting science right now. I want
• 13:10
  Speaker 5: to be a dad real bad, but my wife's a therapist,
• 13:12
  Speaker 5: and she's concerned about how I was raised. Like, my
• 13:14
  Speaker 5: parents hit me. Clap if your parents hit you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah,
• 13:19
  Speaker 5: some people are excited about that. That's trauma.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: That's not good.
• 13:23
  Speaker 5: Clap if you've never been hit by your parents whatsoever.
• 13:27
  Speaker 5: You see how much weaker the claps are? My wife
• 13:31
  Speaker 5: told me, my parents never hit me. I'm like, you're untouched?
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: That's crazy.
• 13:37
  Speaker 7: My mom, my mom was a sweet lady. She just
• 13:39
  Speaker 7: didn't have a lot of patience.
• 13:41
  Speaker 5: One time she whooped my ass for something that wasn't
• 13:43
  Speaker 5: my fault at all, realized that halfway through felt terrible.
• 13:47
  Speaker 7: I'm crying. She's like, oh shit, stop crying, stop crying.
• 13:50
  Speaker 7: How about this? I owe you one. I'm like, what?
• 13:55
  Speaker 7: She's like, yeah, yeah. How about the next time I'm
• 13:56
  Speaker 7: going to hit you, I'm not going to hit you
• 13:58
  Speaker 7: because I already hit you. So you got a freebie.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: I'm like, sick.
• 14:03
  Speaker 5: Two weeks later, I fuck up. She goes to hit me.
• 14:06
  Speaker 5: I'm trapped in the corner. She was about to hit me,
• 14:08
  Speaker 5: and I'm like, no.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: You said I have a freebie.
• 14:12
  Speaker 5: Then she stops, and she goes, it expired. Yeah, that's
• 14:19
  Speaker 5: why I don't know if we're gonna have kids. We've
• 14:22
  Speaker 5: been having a lot of sex, though, me and my wife.
• 14:23
  Speaker 5: We've been fucking like crazy. It's been nice, yeah. It's
• 14:26
  Speaker 5: not all me. This is what happened. If you're a
• 14:28
  Speaker 5: guy here, you got to do what I did. I
• 14:29
  Speaker 5: started buying my wife these smut novels that she found
• 14:32
  Speaker 5: off of TikTok, these romance novels. Some of these, yeah,
• 14:35
  Speaker 5: some of these people are nodding. Dog, I don't know
• 14:37
  Speaker 5: what the fuck these books are about. My wife calls
• 14:40
  Speaker 5: them clitorature. All I know is she reads these books,
• 14:46
  Speaker 5: she gets all blushy, and then cool stuff happens to
• 14:49
  Speaker 5: my dick later.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: It fucking rocks.
• 14:52
  Speaker 5: She used to not be like that. She was a sweet,
• 14:54
  Speaker 5: innocent woman. She'd never seen porn in her whole life.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: I'm a pig.
• 14:59
  Speaker 7: I watch so.
• 14:59
  Speaker 5: Much porn, I know how to spell amateur correctly. Some
• 15:05
  Speaker 5: people are clapping too hard. Check their hard drives.
• 15:09
  Speaker 7: She'd never seen porn. She was like, I've never seen it.
• 15:12
  Speaker 5: It makes me feel uncomfortable. Is there any way that
• 15:14
  Speaker 5: you could show me a video that you watch? I'm
• 15:19
  Speaker 5: not gonna fall for that obvious trap. I don't watch
• 15:22
  Speaker 5: anything illegal.
• 15:23
  Speaker 7: She would just have a lot of questions. She was like,
• 15:26
  Speaker 7: why are there so many people in this room right now?
• 15:30
  Speaker 5: All these smut books are, all they are, are they're
• 15:33
  Speaker 5: just the literary versions of porn genres for women. So
• 15:37
  Speaker 5: my wife will read these books, then she'll tell me
• 15:39
  Speaker 5: about them, and then I have to pretend like I've
• 15:41
  Speaker 5: never heard.
• 15:41
  Speaker 7: Of these genres before.
• 15:44
  Speaker 5: And one time she came up to me, she was like,
• 15:45
  Speaker 5: I just read this spicy book. It was about this
• 15:48
  Speaker 5: stepmom fucking her stepson.
• 15:52
  Speaker 7: Have you ever heard of such a thing?
• 15:56
  Speaker 5: I'm like, dog, if you like the book, you're gonna
• 15:59
  Speaker 5: love the movie.
• 16:03
  Speaker 7: They made a million of them. Now she's aggressive and
• 16:07
  Speaker 7: I'm not used to it.
• 16:08
  Speaker 5: Like I'll be at home, she'll be chilling, I'll be
• 16:10
  Speaker 5: doing stuff, she'll text me, she'll be like, you fucking
• 16:12
  Speaker 5: better have that dick ready when I get home.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: I'm like, Jesus Christ.
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: The other day I came home, she slammed the door
• 16:18
  Speaker 5: hella hard, looked me dead in the eyes, pushed me
• 16:20
  Speaker 5: up against the wall, was like, are you ready to
• 16:21
  Speaker 5: get fucked? It's like, Jesus Christ. Can't we talk about
• 16:26
  Speaker 5: your day? We used to be friends. I'm fucking terrified
• 16:30
  Speaker 5: right now. Hard but scared. Don't put me in a corner.
• 16:36
  Speaker 7: I'll come. It's fun, man.
• 16:40
  Speaker 5: But she tries to talk dirty to me, and it's like, ladies,
• 16:42
  Speaker 5: I know it's the books. You got to know your audience.
• 16:46
  Speaker 5: Not everything always matches up. Like, we were naked one time.
• 16:49
  Speaker 5: She'll be dead in a dick.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: She was like, ooh.
• 16:51
  Speaker 7: Ooh. It's so big, I hope it fits. I'm like, dog,
• 17:01
  Speaker 7: it's never not fit.
• 17:02
  Speaker 6: It's always fit.
• 17:05
  Speaker 5: You have to lie to me to make me feel good.
• 17:09
  Speaker 5: One time she was like, choke me with it. I
• 17:10
  Speaker 5: was like, I'll fucking gag you. You know the way
• 17:13
  Speaker 5: a popcorn kernel gets stuck in the back of your throat.
• 17:16
  Speaker 6: It's a whole lot of water, water, water.
• 17:23
  Speaker 7: It's fun growing with someone you love. It's really fun, man.
• 17:26
  Speaker 5: My wife asked me, she was like, be honest, what's
• 17:28
  Speaker 5: something no woman has ever done for you in the bedroom?
• 17:32
  Speaker 7: I'll be honest with you guys, I was honest with her.
• 17:34
  Speaker 5: I've never in my whole life, 36 years old, I've
• 17:38
  Speaker 5: never come in a woman's mouth.
• 17:40
  Speaker 7: Do you hear that lady? There's two ladies! Everyone else
• 17:45
  Speaker 7: was disappointed quietly.
• 17:46
  Speaker 5: These two ladies were like, whoa! They said what like
• 17:51
  Speaker 5: they've come in woman's mouths. And they were bummed it
• 17:55
  Speaker 5: was never gonna happen to me. My wife was like,
• 17:58
  Speaker 5: I can't do that for you and it broke my heart. Guys,
• 18:01
  Speaker 5: don't we love it when a lady swallows? Make some noise.
• 18:06
  Speaker 5: Those are all the not married guys. All the married
• 18:09
  Speaker 5: guys are like, I'm not gonna ruin my only chance
• 18:12
  Speaker 5: this year coming up. I've been a good boy. Took
• 18:17
  Speaker 5: out the trash today, I'm trying to play that blow
• 18:19
  Speaker 5: job lottery. It's fun growing with someone you love.
• 18:24
  Speaker 7: It really is.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: I like being married.
• 18:26
  Speaker 7: I like it a lot. I have a lot of fears, though.
• 18:28
  Speaker 5: One of my biggest fears right now is that my
• 18:30
  Speaker 5: wife is going to peg me and I'm going to
• 18:32
  Speaker 5: fucking love it.
• 18:34
  Speaker 7: Fucking terrified. Some of you look confused.
• 18:37
  Speaker 5: If you don't know what pegging is, it's when a
• 18:39
  Speaker 5: lady wears a strap on and does you in the butt. Now,
• 18:42
  Speaker 5: I don't want it to happen. And she doesn't want
• 18:45
  Speaker 5: to do it. I'm just scared she's going to trip, fall,
• 18:48
  Speaker 5: and I'm going to love it. It's like, what if
• 18:52
  Speaker 5: I love it, and now she has all the power?
• 18:56
  Speaker 5: You know, we're just hanging out, and she's like, what
• 18:57
  Speaker 5: do you want to do this weekend? I'm like, what
• 18:58
  Speaker 5: if we stayed in, ordered food from your favorite restaurant,
• 19:01
  Speaker 5: and you fucking did that thing that I like?
• 19:04
  Speaker 7: She's just like, ugh. I only do that on special occasions.
• 19:09
  Speaker 7: All of a sudden, your needs aren't.
• 19:10
  Speaker 5: Getting met, but you don't want to step outside the
• 19:11
  Speaker 5: relationship because you love your wife so much. Trying to
• 19:14
  Speaker 5: talk to the homies, but you want to tell them
• 19:16
  Speaker 5: exactly what's going on. It's just you and the boys chilling.
• 19:20
  Speaker 5: They're like, how are you and the lady? You're like,
• 19:23
  Speaker 5: going through a rough patch right now. They're like, oh no,
• 19:27
  Speaker 5: is she being a pain in the ass?
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: You're like, I wish.
• 19:29
  Speaker 5: It'd be the least of my worries.
• 19:34
  Speaker 7: All right, most of you didn't like that, but that
• 19:36
  Speaker 7: joke crushes in Atlanta. Thank you guys so much. Ron
• 19:41
  Speaker 7: and Sprank is too.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: You guys are absolutely amazing.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: Hey man, Frank Castillo, man. man. Man, I was bewildered.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: He said, I never came in a woman's mouth before.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: I was like, what are you doing to.
• 20:06
  Speaker 8: That?
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: This is my thing. When I'm done... Can we be done?
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: Like, what does this new shit women do where once
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: you done, they.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: Like, oh yeah, motherfucker, now it's my time to turn up.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: Where you get all these back muscles from, bitch? I
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: just came, it's time to go to bed.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: I'm sensitive. She like, give me that goddamn shoulder, that motherfucker.
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: You be like, oh!
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: Ain't no more nothing left! You be your weakest. She's
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: stronger than a motherfucker.
• 20:40
  Speaker 6: Stop!
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: She's like, you want to make all them slave jokes
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: about me moving to the front of the room. I'm
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: going to do whatever I want. When we're done, we're done, ladies.
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: You don't have to embarrass us. Give me that spine
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: out the front. Spine out the front? I don't know what,
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: it's a new thing. The women just got all strong
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: and shit.
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: Don't want to just get your head. They want a
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: little piece of your spirit. And the boy's like, how
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: you doing? He's like, man, I'm just not myself. Your
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: girl walking like, what's good with you, nigga?
• 21:20
  Speaker 6: Well, you sound like.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: Nate, because you ate him alive. I don't know if
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: we can use that on this, but I said it.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: That shit got said. It got said. It is what
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: it is.
• 21:34
  Speaker 7: Even the little.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: Head with us, you know? You know what I'm saying, man?
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying?
• 21:38
  Speaker 7: Come on with me then.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: Come on with me. Okay, all right, all right. It's
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: time for the next comedian, man. If y'all ready, start
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: making some noise. I'm gonna be honest with you. That
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: was like a six.
• 21:48
  Speaker 7: I need a ten.
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: Make some motherfucking noise for the next comedian coming to
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: the stage all the way from East Oakland, Tristan Johnson!
• 22:02
  Speaker 6: All right, this show just got thick, okay? This is
• 22:06
  Speaker 6: the thick portion of the show. All right, and if
• 22:10
  Speaker 6: you don't like thick people, it ain't for you to
• 22:12
  Speaker 6: like it. Thick people go to.
• 22:14
  Speaker 7: Heaven, okay?
• 22:16
  Speaker 6: But, yeah, he knew how much I weighed when I
• 22:18
  Speaker 6: was praying to him, so they gonna have wings for me. Yeah,
• 22:22
  Speaker 6: just because y'all ain't seen no angels my size don't
• 22:24
  Speaker 6: mean they ain't got them. They can get enough feathers
• 22:27
  Speaker 6: for me. They gonna have some wings. If not, they
• 22:31
  Speaker 6: could give me some buffalo wings or something. But I
• 22:34
  Speaker 6: get to be in that number when the saints come
• 22:36
  Speaker 6: marching in.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: Y'all better get a relationship with the Lord.
• 22:41
  Speaker 6: Wake up with confidence.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I do. I wake up with confidence.
• 22:46
  Speaker 6: Matter of fact, in the morning, when I get on
• 22:47
  Speaker 6: the scale, I'm confident. Because I know that ain't just me.
• 22:51
  Speaker 6: That's me and Jesus. Yeah, I didn't do this all
• 22:56
  Speaker 6: by myself. Yeah, I don't look like the gym I
• 22:59
  Speaker 6: went through. No treadmill formed against me. I got fat
• 23:05
  Speaker 6: from a mustard seed. Don't look at me like I
• 23:11
  Speaker 6: just been fat my whole life. I ain't been fat
• 23:14
  Speaker 6: my whole life. Matter of fact, this is my fourth
• 23:17
  Speaker 6: time fat. I didn't know when I was gonna make it.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: This is to show y'all bought tickets too.
• 23:23
  Speaker 6: Y'all could have came see me in 2017, 2012, summer
• 23:26
  Speaker 6: of 08. I don't know how I'm gonna look next year.
• 23:31
  Speaker 6: Y'all don't believe me. Right now, go down to Jenny Craig.
• 23:34
  Speaker 6: I got four different pictures on the wall right.
• 23:38
  Speaker 6: They didn't kick me out. They didn't call me a
• 23:40
  Speaker 6: repeater feeder.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: They was like.
• 23:43
  Speaker 6: They didn't retire my shaker cup. I've been eating so much,
• 23:48
  Speaker 6: I messed around and ate myself all the way back
• 23:50
  Speaker 6: into Burlington's. Oh, it break your heart when you gotta
• 23:54
  Speaker 6: go back to Burlington's? Ain't nothing fun about shopping at Burlington's.
• 24:00
  Speaker 6: Burlington's look like an abandoned grocery store from Resident Evil.
• 24:06
  Speaker 6: My family don't want to come with me because they
• 24:08
  Speaker 6: got the big and tall section way back in the freezer.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: It ain't no lights on it.
• 24:14
  Speaker 6: Like we don't get to see what we buy before
• 24:16
  Speaker 6: we put it on. They think if we button it,
• 24:18
  Speaker 6: that's all, that's it. Like they got to take it home.
• 24:22
  Speaker 6: The thing about shopping at Burlington's is everybody my size
• 24:25
  Speaker 6: is wearing the same outfit. We in these streets looking
• 24:29
  Speaker 6: like a big-ass police force. It's hard shopping at Burlington's,
• 24:35
  Speaker 6: because Burlington's ain't got none of the cool clothes the
• 24:37
  Speaker 6: kids is wearing. I be wearing like a 4X FUBU jersey.
• 24:43
  Speaker 6: I still gotta wear Rock-A-Wear. The thing about Rock-A-Wear is
• 24:48
  Speaker 6: the kids don't even know who Jay-Z is. I be
• 24:51
  Speaker 6: having to tell them, no, this Beyonce's husband right here. Ladies,
• 24:57
  Speaker 6: they got your stuff at Burlington's too. Y'all keep on eating.
• 25:00
  Speaker 6: You'll be back in some baby fat, some house of Darion.
• 25:05
  Speaker 6: Keep on eating them cars. You'll be back in the
• 25:07
  Speaker 6: apple bottom jeans, boots with the furs. The thing about
• 25:13
  Speaker 6: shopping at Burlington's, I'm wearing shit I ain't even supposed
• 25:16
  Speaker 6: to be wearing. I still got to wear Sean John.
• 25:21
  Speaker 6: Even though P. Diddy in trouble, I'm still wearing Sean John.
• 25:25
  Speaker 6: Every time I go out, people be yelling at me
• 25:27
  Speaker 6: and my wife. I'm like, I don't support him. This
• 25:30
  Speaker 6: the only thing that fit. For white people that don't know,
• 25:35
  Speaker 6: wearing Sean John right now is like if I had
• 25:37
  Speaker 6: an Epstein Jean outfit with an island on the back
• 25:41
  Speaker 6: of that motherfucker. No, I gotta let y'all know, I
• 25:47
  Speaker 6: do not support no P. Diddy. Plus, I'm a Tupac fan, so.
• 25:53
  Speaker 6: Tupac was trying to warn us about Diddy. He said
• 25:56
  Speaker 6: Diddy was fucking the staff record label and the crew. Yeah,
• 26:01
  Speaker 6: I was upset when I saw that. I don't support P.
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: Diddy.
• 26:04
  Speaker 6: That video had me upset. I was upset because I
• 26:07
  Speaker 6: know I would never be able to wear a towel
• 26:09
  Speaker 6: like that.
• 26:09
  Speaker 7: Y'all saw the nigga in the towel?
• 26:13
  Speaker 6: He had the towel wrapped around him. I didn't know
• 26:16
  Speaker 6: they wrapped towels around people. Let me find out, y'all
• 26:21
  Speaker 6: wrapping towels around? I ain't never wrapped a towel around me.
• 26:26
  Speaker 6: He was fighting in the towel. Now, I'm from East Oakland,
• 26:30
  Speaker 6: I could fight, but if you caught me in the towel, nigga,
• 26:33
  Speaker 6: you got it, nigga.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: Nah, you didn't caught me in the towel, nigga, you didn't.
• 26:37
  Speaker 6: Say nothing earlier, nigga.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: But since I had a baby, I just had a baby, yes.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: My first child.
• 26:50
  Speaker 6: So now I know if you got a towel and
• 26:53
  Speaker 6: you get some safety pins, you could turn that towel
• 26:55
  Speaker 6: into a diaper. Yeah, I'd be a thuggy and a
• 26:59
  Speaker 6: huggy in this motherfucker. We could do this bitch if
• 27:02
  Speaker 6: it mean that much to you, shit. That nigga was
• 27:05
  Speaker 6: fighting in the towel. I ain't never wrapped a towel
• 27:08
  Speaker 6: around me. The closest I ever got to wrapping a
• 27:10
  Speaker 6: towel around me is when you pinched the two corners.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: And you have one.
• 27:15
  Speaker 6: Thigh out like Jessica Rabbit and shit.
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: All this thigh is out.
• 27:22
  Speaker 6: You see me in the towel, you gonna think I'm hitchhiking.
• 27:27
  Speaker 6: Look at Trish trying to get up high five.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: Look at this man.
• 27:31
  Speaker 6: I'm telling you, I get out the shower, I don't
• 27:33
  Speaker 6: even think about wrapping the towel around me. I just
• 27:36
  Speaker 6: hold it in front of me like a matador, try
• 27:38
  Speaker 6: to run in the room before somebody see my goodies.
• 27:43
  Speaker 6: Not my goodies. Hey, I'm outta here. I've been Tristan Johnson.
• 27:47
  Speaker 6: God bless y'all.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: He said, not my goodies.
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: But I'm the only one thinking, like, you can put
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: a towel around each one of them big-ass legs.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: Just me? Oh, man.
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: Hey, one more time for Tristan Johnson representing East Oakland.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: See, this is Pacific Northwest. We appreciate East Oakland.
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: Some of us, most of us never been, but that's
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: what produced Marshawn Lynch.
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: Marshawn, he from North Oakland.
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: He wanted the polar bear penguin Oakland cat.
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: But we fuck.
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: With the bear. What's my favorite word? Hey, man, we
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: can't cuss on here, guys. I love Marshawn Lynch, man.
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: He the only person that run and score a touchdown
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: and jump and turn and grab his own balls. They
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: got to put that on a statue outside the stadium.
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: I don't want to see no other pose. If they
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: put a Marshawn Lynch statue, if they pull the cape
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: off and he ain't going like this, they failed. What,
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: he going to be the stiff army? No, it got
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: to be both nuts. Really, they can have one nut
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: in the hand and another one kind of popped out
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: between the thump, but he got to be like this.
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: They fined him for that.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: Did y'all know that?
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: They made him pay money because he grabbed his own balls.
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: I was so mad at the NFL. I'm like, fine
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: him if he grabs somebody else's balls.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: Those are his. You should be able to grab your
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: own balls however you want.
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: Marshawn can't do that, but every baseball pitcher's like, all.
• 29:28
  Speaker 7: Right, no, I don't know if I like that pitch.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: No, I don't know how I want to catch that.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: The catcher's like, oh, this side, that side. Just give
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: me a fastball right down between my nuts. Baseball is
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: all nuts. Marshawn can't grab his own nuts.
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: If he jumped backwards and he grabbed another nigga and
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: he just pulled him by his nut.
• 29:48
  Speaker 7: I get it.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: I get it. He's like, you already know why I'm here.
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: For some nuts. But that's not what he did. Don't
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: find a man for grabbing his own ball.
• 29:59
  Speaker 7: Take his ball.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: I'm excited.
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: We about to bring the next comedian to the stage,
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: and this is somebody that I've been rocking with forever.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: This is not only a comedian, this is one of
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: my friends. Hilarious. Y'all start clapping right now. Start clapping
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: right now. Start clapping right now. More noise than that.
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: More noise than that. More noise than that. Y'all give
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: it up for Takara Williams!
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, y'all can stop all that shit. You know, I'm grown.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: There's grown folks in here? We're grown folks, grown. 40
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: and up, yeah.
• 30:38
  Speaker 8: I'm at that age where I don't want to be
• 30:39
  Speaker 8: outside at 2 o'clock in the morning no more. I'm
• 30:41
  Speaker 8: at the age where I want to go to brunch, bitch. Ooh,
• 30:44
  Speaker 8: it's something about being drunk at 11 a.m., bitch.
• 30:46
  Speaker 6: It's just doing for me.
• 30:48
  Speaker 7: I feel so good about it.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: I feel so accomplished. I go to church, and then
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: I go to brunch, bitch.
• 30:53
  Speaker 7: Ugh!
• 30:54
  Speaker 8: There's something about brunch that's just grown, you know what
• 30:56
  Speaker 8: I'm saying? And don't take me to no ghetto brunch either.
• 30:58
  Speaker 8: Don't take me to no hood brunch where they only
• 31:00
  Speaker 8: got orange juice. Take me to the bougie brunch, where
• 31:04
  Speaker 8: they got all the juices. There's something about women and juices.
• 31:07
  Speaker 8: You ever go to a bougie brunch.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: All the waitresses sound the same. They walk up to the.
• 31:11
  Speaker 8: Table, excuse me, are you ladies here for bottleless mimosas?
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: Yes, bitch.
• 31:17
  Speaker 8: What kind of juices would you like? What kind of
• 31:19
  Speaker 8: juices do you have? And the more juices they name,
• 31:22
  Speaker 8: the more excited women get. We be sitting at the
• 31:25
  Speaker 8: table with our friend, bitch, they got peach, bitch, they
• 31:27
  Speaker 8: got peach. We finna get fucked up! And the waitress
• 31:35
  Speaker 8: start naming the juice, she like a juice condesort, she
• 31:37
  Speaker 8: know every juice.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: What kind of juices do you have?
• 31:39
  Speaker 8: We have apple juice, we have almond juice, we have mango, peach,
• 31:41
  Speaker 8: we have a lavender puree. We have simply lemonade, blueberry lemonade,
• 31:45
  Speaker 8: which juice would you like? Bitch, all of them, stop
• 31:47
  Speaker 8: talking to me. And bring the bottle to the table
• 31:50
  Speaker 8: and leave it there, we don't need you, leave it,
• 31:51
  Speaker 8: we alcoholics, we know.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: How to drink, holy good. I like a good brunch, ugh.
• 31:57
  Speaker 8: And let me say this to you, your man, he
• 31:59
  Speaker 8: like when you go to brunch too. Every man in
• 32:01
  Speaker 8: here like when a woman go to brunch. Why? Because
• 32:02
  Speaker 8: they got 60 to 90 minutes, maybe two hours, where
• 32:05
  Speaker 8: you ain't going to fuck with them.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: They know where you at. They know you safe. They
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: know you good.
• 32:10
  Speaker 8: And if you got a good man, two things are
• 32:12
  Speaker 8: going to happen. One, he either going to drop you
• 32:13
  Speaker 8: off and pick you up, or he going to Uber
• 32:15
  Speaker 8: you there and Uber you back. Why?
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: Because he know how much you drink.
• 32:18
  Speaker 8: And I was at a show one day and a
• 32:19
  Speaker 8: lady said, you can't Uber yourself home?
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: I was like, why you ask me that? She said,
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: your man always gotta Uber you.
• 32:25
  Speaker 6: Home from brunch?
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: I said, yes.
• 32:26
  Speaker 8: She said, you can't Uber yourself home? I said, not
• 32:28
  Speaker 8: the way I be drinking, bitch. Bottomless sound like.
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: A challenge to me.
• 32:32
  Speaker 6: Do you hear me?
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: We be collecting bottles under the table.
• 32:35
  Speaker 7: Bitch, that's eight.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: Let's see if we get to 10, bitch. Let's see
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: if we get to 10.
• 32:40
  Speaker 8: One day, some lady asked me, you can't Uber yet?
• 32:42
  Speaker 8: So I said, I can't Uber myself home.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: I did one day. One day I tried to Uber
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: myself home.
• 32:45
  Speaker 7: I did.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: I swear I put my address in. I know where
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: I live at.
• 32:47
  Speaker 8: I go there every day. And I think I moved
• 32:50
  Speaker 8: the pen on the app. And somehow I ended up
• 32:52
  Speaker 8: at the Domino's around the corner. My dude checked the location.
• 32:56
  Speaker 8: He come look for me, my ass on the curb,
• 32:58
  Speaker 8: eating breadsticks, bitch, having a time.
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: Ain't no music playing, bitch. I'm having a time. He
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: pulled up. He said, what the fuck? What are you
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: doing here? I'm toe up. I'm like, I don't know,
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: I'm into the rest stick. You want the rest stick?
• 33:17
  Speaker 8: The dude come out the dominoes, he said, hey man,
• 33:18
  Speaker 8: it's your lady.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: He said, yeah man, that's my lady.
• 33:21
  Speaker 6: Everything good?
• 33:22
  Speaker 8: He said, yeah, listen, we didn't want to say nothing,
• 33:24
  Speaker 8: but she ain't paid for none of that shit that
• 33:27
  Speaker 8: she eat. She walked in here, took somebody, whole family meal,
• 33:32
  Speaker 8: and came and sat on the curb.
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: And we didn't say nothing.
• 33:34
  Speaker 8: Because she looked nice, so we figured she belonged to somebody.
• 33:37
  Speaker 8: We figured somebody was going to come get her at
• 33:39
  Speaker 8: some point in time. So if you could just go
• 33:42
  Speaker 8: in there and pay for the food. And he in
• 33:44
  Speaker 8: there paying for the food. Bitch, I'm out there on
• 33:46
  Speaker 8: the wings now, hoe. I'm having a tan. And he
• 33:49
  Speaker 8: get in the car, I'm toe up.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: He's like, how you steal food? I'm like, you want
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: a little cinnamon stick? Men love when we go to brunch.
• 33:57
  Speaker 8: After 90 minutes of brunch, if you got a good man,
• 33:59
  Speaker 8: he gonna send you a text, very simple text.
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: Hey babe, how's brunch?
• 34:02
  Speaker 8: And understand that your partner, he can read the messages
• 34:05
  Speaker 8: in your drunk voice. They know what we sound like.
• 34:07
  Speaker 8: We be toe up, we always yellin'. Hey babe, how's brunch?
• 34:10
  Speaker 8: You respond, he readin' it in your voice. Brunch is
• 34:13
  Speaker 8: really good and I'm havin' a really good time with
• 34:15
  Speaker 8: my friends. And she and her husband still ain't shit.
• 34:20
  Speaker 8: I love you so much, you so fuckin' ugly. I
• 34:23
  Speaker 8: just love you so much. You're my best friend out
• 34:25
  Speaker 8: of the world.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: And then he send you another text to get you
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: in your feelings.
• 34:30
  Speaker 8: Hey babe, let me know when you're ready to go
• 34:31
  Speaker 8: so I can either A, pick you up, or B,
• 34:33
  Speaker 8: put you in your Uber.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: And that gets women emotional.
• 34:36
  Speaker 5: We go, aww.
• 34:36
  Speaker 8: And then when you send him a long text, you
• 34:39
  Speaker 8: read it and you realize this shit don't make no sense.
• 34:41
  Speaker 8: So now you on the phone talking shit. That's the
• 34:43
  Speaker 8: worst type of woman, a drunk one talking shit. Because
• 34:46
  Speaker 8: that's when she start promising you shit she ain't going
• 34:48
  Speaker 8: to do when she get in that goddamn house. You
• 34:52
  Speaker 8: be on the phone talking shit. Hey babe, I just
• 34:55
  Speaker 8: wanted to let you know that I love you so much.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: You're my best friend in the world.
• 35:01
  Speaker 8: And I'm working on my attitude like the therapist told
• 35:03
  Speaker 8: me to. Because I really think that we can work
• 35:06
  Speaker 8: this time because I just love you so much.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: You're so fucking ugly, but not like your mom. Your
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: mom's really, really ugly.
• 35:15
  Speaker 8: That's why I didn't want to have a kid with
• 35:16
  Speaker 8: you because I thought it was going to look like
• 35:17
  Speaker 8: your sister because she really ugly.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: But I love you so.
• 35:21
  Speaker 8: Much, and you know what else? And when women drunk,
• 35:24
  Speaker 8: we be horny for 15 minutes. You got 15 solid
• 35:26
  Speaker 8: minutes to get some ass. After that, we going to sleep.
• 35:30
  Speaker 8: That man ain't ask you for shit, and here you go,
• 35:32
  Speaker 8: you want to know something else? When I get into
• 35:36
  Speaker 8: the house, And we start rhyming, when I get in
• 35:39
  Speaker 8: the house.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: I put your dick in my mouth. When I get
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: in the house, I put your dick in my mouth.
• 35:48
  Speaker 8: And every man that hears that or sees that, reads that,
• 35:50
  Speaker 8: they all respond the same. They be walking around the house,
• 35:53
  Speaker 8: they grab right here, and they walk around the house, repeat.
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: What you say.
• 35:57
  Speaker 8: Oh, that's what you gonna do when you get in
• 35:58
  Speaker 8: the house? That's what you doing? What this mean, sir?
• 36:00
  Speaker 8: What this mean?
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: Somebody said it mean y'all warming it up. That's what
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: that mean? You got to separate it. You got to
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: separate it. You think these men care that we drunk?
• 36:12
  Speaker 6: They don't.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: You know why they don't care? Because you made a promise.
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: You made a promise.
• 36:16
  Speaker 8: You think these men care that you, a man will
• 36:18
  Speaker 8: sit on the couch and watch you falling into the
• 36:20
  Speaker 8: bushes in front of the house for five minutes. He
• 36:22
  Speaker 8: ain't coming to get you. Because if he come get you,
• 36:24
  Speaker 8: you might change your mind. You think he care if
• 36:28
  Speaker 8: you drunk since he don't? You could be crawling into
• 36:30
  Speaker 8: the house, you fighting for your life. You think they
• 36:32
  Speaker 8: gonna help you out? They be walking behind you. Remember
• 36:34
  Speaker 8: that thing you said you was gonna do earlier when
• 36:36
  Speaker 8: you texted?
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: Where you going, where you going, where you going, where
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: you going, where you going? Don't throw up now. Don't
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: throw up. Why you looking at me like that?
• 36:47
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: You think women care? We don't.
• 36:52
  Speaker 6: You know why?
• 36:52
  Speaker 8: Because this is what I love about us women. Even
• 36:54
  Speaker 8: though we drunk, we still gonna try. We be talking
• 36:57
  Speaker 8: so much shit drunk.
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: You know what, you gon' do that thing, I like it,
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: I know you want me to do, hi.
• 37:05
  Speaker 8: I get in the house and put your penis in
• 37:07
  Speaker 8: my mouth.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: Once we start getting silly, you know ain't nothing gonna happen.
• 37:12
  Speaker 8: Nothing, I'm gonna put it in my mouth. And men
• 37:15
  Speaker 8: be so excited, yeah, that's what you gon' do. Yeah,
• 37:17
  Speaker 8: that's what I'm gonna do. Then we start that lean
• 37:22
  Speaker 8: and that tilt.
• 37:22
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I gotta do it for you.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: And then we get quiet and we ruin it.
• 37:27
  Speaker 7: Baby, you all right?
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm all right. You sure? Yeah, I got to
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: tell you something really quick. What's up, babe? Listen, come here,
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: come here. I got to pee. I got to go
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: to the bathroom.
• 37:46
  Speaker 8: But when I come back from the bathroom, I'm going
• 37:50
  Speaker 8: to put your dick in my mouth. We silly now.
• 37:55
  Speaker 8: We be walking till I be right back. You come
• 38:01
  Speaker 8: in the bathroom, she on the toilet or in the tub, asleep.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: Just knocked out. My dude asked me one day, he said,
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: when you be out.
• 38:07
  Speaker 8: With your friends and you be getting drunk and you
• 38:10
  Speaker 8: out with your friends, how you use the bathroom? I said, well, listen,
• 38:12
  Speaker 8: I be drunk, but I'm still a lady. I don't
• 38:15
  Speaker 8: care how drunk I am, ma'am. I'm not sitting on
• 38:16
  Speaker 8: that fucking toilet. You ever went to the bathroom, toe up,
• 38:20
  Speaker 8: you be in there just holding on for dear life, squatting.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: You ever been holding onto the toilet paper holder? You
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: see it breaking. You can see the screws. I don't care.
• 38:27
  Speaker 8: I'm not sitting on that toilet shaking and shit. Pee
• 38:31
  Speaker 8: coming straight down your thigh. You gotta open your lips up.
• 38:34
  Speaker 8: Your lips are still closed, stupid. It's moist down there.
• 38:38
  Speaker 8: You gotta open them. And who put a speaker in
• 38:42
  Speaker 8: the bathroom? Who the fuck put a speaker in the
• 38:45
  Speaker 8: women's bathroom? Now you in the women's bathroom just pissing
• 38:49
  Speaker 8: and dancing.
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: I'm having a time. Pee all over the floor. You
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: don't care.
• 38:54
  Speaker 6: I don't work here.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: I'm a grandma. Stupid.
• 39:02
  Speaker 8: My son had a kid. I'm not watching that bald-headed-ass baby.
• 39:05
  Speaker 8: I don't know him like that.
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: He don't even speak English.
• 39:09
  Speaker 6: I'm not watching him.
• 39:10
  Speaker 7: He's still crying.
• 39:11
  Speaker 6: I'm not....
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: This lady was living with me for a while, which
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: is fine.
• 39:15
  Speaker 8: I don't think people talk enough about how difficult it
• 39:20
  Speaker 8: is to have your adult children live with you. Because
• 39:22
  Speaker 8: they feel like because they're adults, there's no responsibility for them.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: I'm grown now.
• 39:26
  Speaker 8: There's more responsibility because you grow. And if we don't
• 39:29
  Speaker 8: ask them for much, it be regular stuff. We don't
• 39:31
  Speaker 8: ask for much.
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: Clean up after yourself.
• 39:32
  Speaker 8: You know, why I got to come in the laundry
• 39:34
  Speaker 8: room and your stuff is in the washer and the dryer?
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: Simple stuff.
• 39:37
  Speaker 8: You know, put your dish away. If you use something,
• 39:39
  Speaker 8: put it back. If you eat something, fill it up.
• 39:41
  Speaker 8: Like I said, why is my grandson feet in the fridge, bitch? Like,
• 39:44
  Speaker 8: why is he in here? One day him and his
• 39:47
  Speaker 8: lady gonna come to me, talk about something, they moving out.
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: They thought it was gonna hurt my feelings.
• 39:51
  Speaker 8: He walk up to me, Ma, I just wanted to
• 39:52
  Speaker 8: let you know that we decided it was in our
• 39:54
  Speaker 8: best interest to leave.
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my God, I agree with you. I
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: never thought we would agree on something.
• 40:02
  Speaker 8: Look at us.
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: Look at us.
• 40:06
  Speaker 8: Give me the baby, I'll watch him now. They got
• 40:10
  Speaker 8: up the next day, I had a U-Haul in the front.
• 40:13
  Speaker 8: And it was just the van, it wasn't even like
• 40:14
  Speaker 8: a real who you, just like a regular van. He
• 40:16
  Speaker 8: told him, my son, what we supposed to fit up
• 40:18
  Speaker 8: in there? You came in here with 18.
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: Items, sir. You gonna leave with them 18 pieces of
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: things that you got.
• 40:25
  Speaker 8: And he lived in his place for a whole year,
• 40:28
  Speaker 8: a whole year by himself, who came his birthday, called
• 40:31
  Speaker 8: me on his birthday crying. Well, well, you know, I
• 40:33
  Speaker 8: answered the phone, he grown crying too. I answer the phone,
• 40:38
  Speaker 8: I said, what the hell wrong with you? You mean
• 40:40
  Speaker 8: to tell me they expect me to pay all my
• 40:41
  Speaker 8: rent in my birthday month? They don't give you no
• 40:45
  Speaker 8: discount or nothing for your birthday?
• 40:49
  Speaker 6: Baskin Robbins give you.
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: Free ice cream, Chipotle give you free stuff. I ain't
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: even get my check yet and the shit already gone.
• 40:56
  Speaker 7: It's trash, mommy.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: Why you tell me to put all my bills on
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: auto pay?
• 41:00
  Speaker 6: That's the dumbest shit I ever did in my life.
• 41:03
  Speaker 6: I didn't get my check yet.
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: This shit already gone.
• 41:06
  Speaker 6: What I'ma do?
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: I'm like, pay that rent, fam.
• 41:08
  Speaker 6: I'm not helping you.
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: That's your shit. You wanted this family. Oh, somebody strong.
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: Who was working out? Somebody did a pull-up or something.
• 41:18
  Speaker 6: Goddamn.
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, bye. Takara Williams!
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: Man, I don't know about y'all, but I learned something
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: in the middle of that.
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: She said, you have to be drunk trying to hang
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: on and then the pee come down your leg because
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: you didn't open your pussy.
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: I was like, are you telling me that ladies got
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: to reach down and open their pussy to get a
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: stream of pee out?
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: Oh my God.
• 41:59
  Speaker 3: And y'all be walking right out the bathroom, back in
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: and out to the world, looking at us like, we dirty.
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: You got to open your butt. I never heard of
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: no shit like that. You got to open your pussy, D.P.
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: She don't. You got to open your pussy. You don't. Takara,
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: that might not be lips you opening. That's ass in
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: the front. I saw you when he came up here.
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: She like, I just got to see sometimes if I just...
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: You gotta open up your pussy.
• 42:26
  Speaker 3: Now you open up a little bit of booty meat
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: that came down to the front.
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: Man, y'all give it up for Takara Booty.
• 42:40
  Speaker 7: That is this episode.
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: Y'all make some motherfucking noise.
• 42:45
  Speaker 7: Yes, sir. Tristan Johnson.
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: Frank Castillo. Adrian Washington.
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: And Takana Williams.
• 43:02
  Speaker 7: Thank you, y'all.
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: We appreciate you.
• 43:12
  Speaker 7: We'll see you next week.
• 43:13
  Speaker 6: Peace!