Latest / Dear Chelsea / Adult Onset Lesbianism with Porsha Williams

Transcript

Adult Onset Lesbianism with Porsha Williams · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, guys, here are my dates for the High and
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Mighty Tour. In September, I will be in Santa Barbara,
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: San Diego, New York City, Philly, and New Haven, Connecticut.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: October is Atlanta, Baltimore, Saginaw, Michigan, Pittsburgh, Toronto, Boise, Idaho,
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: and Spokane. And then in November, I'll be in San Francisco.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: I'm coming to Salt Lake City, Austin, Houston, Dallas, babies.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: I'll be there. And then in December, I am closing
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: out my tour in Denver and Vancouver. So get your
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: tickets at ChelseaHandler.com for the High and Mighty tour. Hello, Catherine.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: Hi, Chelsea.
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: Hello.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Good afternoon. Good evening. Good night. Good morning. The other
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: night I went to bed at 4.30. I think I
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: talked to you right before that. Oh, did I? Did
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: you hear my Xanax kicking in?
• 0:47
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: I was very pleased.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: I was very pleased. It was quite a slumber that
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: I had. And then I woke up to go to
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: the bathroom and it was 10.30 at night. And so
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: then I was like, oh, no. Then I just slumbered.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: I got back into bed. And I slept to the morning.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: I mean, I need a Xanax, but I can sleep
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: for 12 hours.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, that's wonderfully restorative.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: It's really what LA has become to me. It's like sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep,
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: and then go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: Well, I have a little update for us from one
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: of our episodes. It was a timely one, so I
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: thought we'd do it in an intro.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: Yes, give me one.
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: Mia says, my girlfriend Cass wrote to you and her
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: letter was featured on your episode with Ross Matthews last year.
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: I'm the closeted girlfriend she wrote about. I really appreciated
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: you initially taking my side, even though you changed your
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: stance in the end, lol. We're approaching our two-year anniversary.
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: I liked anniversary.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: Me too.
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: And I'm ecstatic to share that I've since come out
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: to my family, and they've shown nothing but love and
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: warmth toward Cass.
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: We couldn't be happier. She's such a huge fan of yours.
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: She blasts your podcast every single morning when she gets
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: ready for work. It makes total sense that she wanted
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: to confide in you and get your advice when she
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: was at her lowest. Her birthday is coming up on
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: September 26th, followed by our two-year anniversary on the 27th.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: She would literally.
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: Die if you could please make the time to give
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: her a quick happy birthday on your podcast.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: It would make her entire year.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: Thanks for doing what you do every day for your listeners.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: All the best, Mia.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: And what's her girlfriend's name?
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: Cass.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: Cass. Happy birthday, Cass. Oh, my God. That's so exciting.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: How old is Cass Durning?
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: We don't know. So, you know, we don't name a
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: lady's age.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: Okay. Well, we don't. I think that we're past that.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: I think it's okay. We should embrace our ages. I
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: had an age. Happy birthday.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: I hope you have a- And anniversary.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: And anniversary and all of the good things in life.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: Enjoy yourself. Enjoy your lover. Enjoy your life. Gratitude. Attitude.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: You know who else had attitude?
• 2:44
  Speaker 5: Who?
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: Our guest this week.
• 2:45
  Speaker 5: Oh.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: A good attitude. I mean, she was really fun.
• 2:48
  Speaker 5: Oh, yeah.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: I tried to set her up with my friend, actually,
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: but it didn't come to– it didn't happen. She was
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: flying out that day. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, but– You never know.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Plant the seeds.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: I am. I'm always trying to plant the seeds of connection.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: In addition to running her business, Go Naked Hair and
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Pampered by Portia, you know our guests today from Real
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: Housewives of Atlanta and Bravo's 20th anniversary Ultimate Girls Trip,
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: which is now airing on Peacock.com. Please welcome Portia Williams. Hi,
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: cutie patootie, fresh and fruity. Fresh off the reunion.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Yes. I watched your reunion. I survived. I know. Well,
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: that's because you had to go to anger management. Yes.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: And it worked. That was years ago. But it worked.
• 3:37
  Speaker 6: Long lasting therapy.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you.
• 3:40
  Speaker 6: Like, I've been to therapy here and there. I'm a
• 3:43
  Speaker 6: here and there type of therapy person.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: Me too, by the way.
• 3:46
  Speaker 6: Because once I get to a place and you disagree,
• 3:48
  Speaker 6: then I'm like.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: I don't think you're for me. I think the therapist
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: is for me.
• 3:53
  Speaker 6: No, I went to some sessions and I think the
• 3:55
  Speaker 6: number one thing they told me from anger management. So
• 3:58
  Speaker 6: any other angry bitches out there, this is a lesson
• 4:00
  Speaker 6: for y'all.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: We're all listening. Everyone listening is angry.
• 4:03
  Speaker 6: Everyone's listening is angry and nobody's okay. So this is
• 4:07
  Speaker 6: the thing. Anger is an emotion. And you can allow
• 4:11
  Speaker 6: yourself to feel that. The power is in what you
• 4:13
  Speaker 6: do with that feeling. So I feel when I'm pissed.
• 4:18
  Speaker 6: I feel when I'm upset. I'm taking all that in.
• 4:21
  Speaker 6: But I am using my power to hone that and
• 4:24
  Speaker 6: keep my ass in my chair.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: Ooh, I like it. Yeah. Yeah.
• 4:28
  Speaker 6: And you just think about what's more important. Is this
• 4:30
  Speaker 6: moment more important than what I built?
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: No, it's not. Well, and also, I just think that that...
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: environment of the real housewise, you know, it's not helpful
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: for people with anger issues. Because even if you didn't
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: have anger issues, which I don't know any woman that
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: doesn't have anger issues. We have a lot to be
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: angry about.
• 4:51
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 4:52
  Speaker 6: And I don't know that I felt like I had
• 4:55
  Speaker 6: anger issues. What I was was a normal ass person
• 4:59
  Speaker 6: put in the wacky role of reality TV. In your
• 5:02
  Speaker 6: real life, no one is walking up to you when
• 5:04
  Speaker 6: they disagree saying, you're a bitch. No one is telling
• 5:07
  Speaker 6: you that they don't like you. You're not reading comments
• 5:09
  Speaker 6: that are like breaking you down.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: So I think all that was like a shock to
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: the system.
• 5:14
  Speaker 6: Because if you pay attention, my very first scene on Housewives,
• 5:17
  Speaker 6: which it came down my timeline today. My very first scene,
• 5:21
  Speaker 6: I say to someone, I'll press charges. So see, that's
• 5:26
  Speaker 6: where I came from. Like, I pressed charges, but that
• 5:28
  Speaker 6: world was like, no, I lay hands.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: It changed quickly. I quickly adapted to it. You know
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying?
• 5:36
  Speaker 6: So I've learned to adapt now just in a different way.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Right. I think we all kind of come to that
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: as we grow up. As women, we become more mature
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: and understand. I mean, yeah, I used to fucking go
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: off the rails on people. I would lose my shit. Mm-hmm.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: But also that environment breeds that behavior. So, so it's very,
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: so I want to ask you about that and your
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: experience being on that show and being part of the
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: show and knowing what you know about how that show operates. Yeah.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: How do you view your entire experience if you looked
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: at it as a whole?
• 6:12
  Speaker 6: If I looked at it as a whole, it's a
• 6:14
  Speaker 6: great sentence for me because clearly I can see it
• 6:17
  Speaker 6: as a whole, right? It's recorded. Like I'm living my
• 6:20
  Speaker 6: life in front of the camera, right? So there's that
• 6:23
  Speaker 6: moment of doing that. Then you see it on TV.
• 6:26
  Speaker 6: So I have multiple opportunities to change what I don't like, right?
• 6:32
  Speaker 6: So if I see myself reacting to a situation... in
• 6:35
  Speaker 6: the wrong way, it may feel like, oh my God,
• 6:39
  Speaker 6: I just cut somebody out or I just chased somebody
• 6:41
  Speaker 6: down an alley. That may be one experience, but then
• 6:43
  Speaker 6: to have to watch it again, it's like, oh no,
• 6:45
  Speaker 6: I'm truly disappointed that that's how I reacted. And then
• 6:49
  Speaker 6: you think about it again in real time because people
• 6:52
  Speaker 6: are talking shit about you. Now you're getting the consequences
• 6:56
  Speaker 6: of that. So I have three opportunities to change your behavior,
• 6:59
  Speaker 6: which I think a lot of people don't have. People
• 7:01
  Speaker 6: don't get to see what they do. If you fuck
• 7:03
  Speaker 6: somebody up, they're gone on. You're never going to see
• 7:06
  Speaker 6: them again. In my world, I feel fucked up by
• 7:10
  Speaker 6: what I did because I see it and I have
• 7:12
  Speaker 6: the opportunity to change that. And I think that's probably
• 7:15
  Speaker 6: one of the perks is that I'm always growing from
• 7:18
  Speaker 6: season to season.
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: Say something a certain way and somebody calls you out
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: on it, like they will play the tape.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: Like you can't just like, I didn't say that.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: They can play it back. Yeah.
• 7:28
  Speaker 6: You know, so I don't know why people always like,
• 7:31
  Speaker 6: she lies. Where?
• 7:32
  Speaker 5: How?
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: It's right there.
• 7:35
  Speaker 6: It's literally right there.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 7:38
  Speaker 6: Like, I think the most thing that housewife does is
• 7:41
  Speaker 6: we're always labeling each other.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: She's a liar. She's a whore.
• 7:44
  Speaker 6: She's a this, she's a that. So you're combating that.
• 7:48
  Speaker 6: But I have learned that if I, now I've learned
• 7:52
  Speaker 6: within the past couple years, that on this show, if
• 7:55
  Speaker 6: I'm my authentic self, whatever you call me, I may
• 7:57
  Speaker 6: be that in that moment.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: I may be that.
• 8:00
  Speaker 6: I may be a bitch in that moment. But that's
• 8:02
  Speaker 6: not who I am. I'm always evolving. I'm like so
• 8:05
  Speaker 6: many different things. I'm always changing. And I think that's
• 8:08
  Speaker 6: why most of the bitches can't keep up.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: That's right. Do you have any real friends from the housewives?
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: Like anyone you consider close friends? I do.
• 8:17
  Speaker 6: I consider Frasier to be a close friend. I really do.
• 8:20
  Speaker 6: I consider Cynthia to be a sister, a close friend
• 8:23
  Speaker 6: as well. It is difficult to have though.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: It is.
• 8:27
  Speaker 6: These relationships have had to go through cycles because of
• 8:32
  Speaker 6: the show.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
• 8:33
  Speaker 6: Because there's certain times on the show, on my end
• 8:37
  Speaker 6: and on someone else's end, where they do react for
• 8:41
  Speaker 6: the camera.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: It can become performative in a way. I mean, think
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: about it.
• 8:45
  Speaker 6: The show is very based on having the storyline and
• 8:48
  Speaker 6: very based on who's more relevant within the girl group.
• 8:51
  Speaker 6: If one of the girls feels insecure about their relevance
• 8:54
  Speaker 6: in the group, they might take a fucking shot at you,
• 8:57
  Speaker 6: you know, to get closer to relevant, to being relevant.
• 9:01
  Speaker 6: You know what I'm saying?
• 9:02
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 9:02
  Speaker 6: So sometimes people fall prey to the cameras and the
• 9:05
  Speaker 6: lights and the action. I really try not to, and
• 9:08
  Speaker 6: I think I can do that more now because I
• 9:11
  Speaker 6: don't have to, right?
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: I've been here.
• 9:13
  Speaker 6: I have tenure. Like, I'm that housewife girl. You think
• 9:17
  Speaker 6: of housewives, you're going to think of me as well.
• 9:19
  Speaker 6: So I don't have to fight for that as much.
• 9:21
  Speaker 6: I can kind of rest in who I am, whereas
• 9:23
  Speaker 6: a lot of girls are kind of fighting for that relevance.
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: Well, and you're the only one of the women on
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: Ultimate Girls Trip that's not from the first season of
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: their city, right?
• 9:35
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: So I'm a vet.
• 9:36
  Speaker 6: I'm what we call a vet. And those are OGs
• 9:38
  Speaker 6: because they started their show. Whatever it was supposed to
• 9:43
  Speaker 6: be called in the beginning, which all of them weren't
• 9:45
  Speaker 6: supposed to be called Housewives. But they started that. And
• 9:48
  Speaker 6: I came in on Housewives, I think it was on
• 9:50
  Speaker 6: the 5th. year, I think on the fifth season. So yeah,
• 9:52
  Speaker 6: but at the end of the day, I am a
• 9:55
  Speaker 6: current housewife. um I'm a vet and when I came
• 9:59
  Speaker 6: in King and I changed the game so you know
• 10:02
  Speaker 6: we earned our spot in history and so I'm I
• 10:05
  Speaker 6: mean I'm real humbled to be able to represent I.
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: Really am and tell me if I'm wrong but it
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: does kind of seem like you're a little bit like
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: the queen bee of Atlanta Um, you know, I.
• 10:14
  Speaker 6: Think what it is, I enjoy being queen bee, but
• 10:17
  Speaker 6: I also refer to everyone on the show as queens.
• 10:21
  Speaker 6: I honestly do. I kind of push back at that
• 10:24
  Speaker 6: a lot. Not that I don't enjoy being that bitch, okay?
• 10:27
  Speaker 6: But I enjoy other women being that bitch too, because
• 10:30
  Speaker 6: it actually helps me. If you think about it, it
• 10:33
  Speaker 6: is a business. And you're only as good as your
• 10:36
  Speaker 6: weakest link. And if we have a show where everybody
• 10:40
  Speaker 6: has their own fan base, everybody can relate to Each woman,
• 10:43
  Speaker 6: you may not like certain people, but everybody is representing
• 10:46
  Speaker 6: Atlanta well, and they're also boss bitches in their own right.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: That's good for me.
• 10:51
  Speaker 6: And honestly, for me, I hated when Kenya left and
• 10:54
  Speaker 6: when other heavy hitters left, like Nene, etc., Sharae, those people.
• 10:59
  Speaker 6: I hate it when they left because it's more work
• 11:00
  Speaker 6: for me.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 11:02
  Speaker 6: Like when you're the big fish, you know, they're hungry.
• 11:06
  Speaker 6: They're going to come and try to get that from you.
• 11:09
  Speaker 6: So I enjoyed having other heavyweights on the show. And
• 11:12
  Speaker 6: I actually root for these girls to become that. I
• 11:16
  Speaker 6: want y'all to be, you know, heavyweights and housewives. Because
• 11:20
  Speaker 6: I want Atlanta to remain.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: I want.
• 11:24
  Speaker 6: that show to be successful. I'm a team player. And
• 11:27
  Speaker 6: I think when it comes to the brand of Housewives,
• 11:31
  Speaker 6: when it comes to my relationship business with Bravo, I'm
• 11:34
  Speaker 6: valuable because I'm a team player and I believe in
• 11:38
  Speaker 6: Atlanta and I really want to succeed. But I will,
• 11:41
  Speaker 6: you know, get with somebody if I have to, but overall, overall.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: You are so much fun to watch on that show.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: And I just love everything you're saying because not only
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: is it applicable to that franchise and that show, it's
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: applicable to the way women should be running their lives
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: and in business with other women. And when you are like,
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: it's healthy competition, right? You know what I mean? It's,
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: it's not rooting against anybody. It's rooting for all of you,
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: the tide rises and all boats rise with the tide.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: That vibe is the right vibe. That is the damn vibe.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: If you can understand and make that vibe make sense
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: to you. Cheers. Try this. This is mine. See if
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: you like it. Cheers. What's it called? It's called Owl's Brew. Oh,
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: that is good. Classic flavor. I have three flavors. Oh wait,
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: that's really smooth.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: Isn't that nice?
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: I don't even taste the alcohol. It's alcohol in it. Yeah,
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: but it's a day drink. It's not strong. You're not
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: going to be all fucked up. Don't worry. Unless you're
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: a lightweight. Are you a lightweight? I don't think so.
• 12:45
  Speaker 4: Hell no.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: I used to drink brown.
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: No.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: What kind of brown liquor were you drinking?
• 12:52
  Speaker 6: Well, they haven't paid me yet, but it starts with
• 12:53
  Speaker 6: an H.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: Okay, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, you took
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: the words right out of my mouth.
• 12:57
  Speaker 6: Okay. Oh, wait. I was answering what you had said.
• 13:05
  Speaker 6: The idea of women supporting women in business.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: And healthy competition.
• 13:09
  Speaker 6: Healthy competition is so important on Real Housewives of Atlanta
• 13:14
  Speaker 6: and really any other show.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: I really hope.
• 13:17
  Speaker 6: That some of the newbies get that. Because back in
• 13:21
  Speaker 6: the day, no matter what we went through on the show,
• 13:23
  Speaker 6: we never really came at each other's businesses. That was
• 13:26
  Speaker 6: a faux pas. Because we all understood the game. We're
• 13:30
  Speaker 6: on the show. We're sharing our life. We're sacrificing that
• 13:32
  Speaker 6: privacy for entertainment or for just the brand or whatever.
• 13:38
  Speaker 6: But when it came to business, we never tore someone's
• 13:41
  Speaker 6: business down like that. And I think that's the difference
• 13:43
  Speaker 6: in what's happening now, is that some of the girls
• 13:46
  Speaker 6: are seem to picket what makes us women and what
• 13:50
  Speaker 6: makes us successful women. And I think that is probably
• 13:55
  Speaker 6: where it's going to go bad. I think you have
• 13:57
  Speaker 6: to change that mindset. We're doing the show. We're being entertaining.
• 14:02
  Speaker 6: I'm sharing my life. People want to see us be
• 14:04
  Speaker 6: more relatable to each other. They want to see us
• 14:07
  Speaker 6: talk about our kids and how that is or our
• 14:10
  Speaker 6: Let's talk shit about the men, you know, let's like
• 14:12
  Speaker 6: stuff like that. And when it comes to business, let's
• 14:15
  Speaker 6: encourage each other or say like, damn, I went through
• 14:17
  Speaker 6: that or this or this or that. But for like
• 14:20
  Speaker 6: your whole time on the show to be damaging women's reputation,
• 14:25
  Speaker 6: their business, who they are is not good.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: I also like what you're saying because you're working the
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: system that's kind of working you. You know what I mean?
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: Like, hello.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Thank you. And we should all be working the system.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: We all. We all.
• 14:39
  Speaker 6: Because at the end of the day, I don't know
• 14:41
  Speaker 6: about you. I'm not just doing this just to do it. Like,
• 14:43
  Speaker 6: I want to be like Kyle Richards. Like, I want
• 14:45
  Speaker 6: to be on this show and, you know, using this
• 14:48
  Speaker 6: platform for as long as I can. You know, Kyle
• 14:51
  Speaker 6: is not going to leave no matter what.
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: Okay?
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: I think she has proven that.
• 14:55
  Speaker 6: I mean, how in the world is she still standing?
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: But she is. Okay? She is through it all.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: She's standing and she's twerking. And she's twerking with me.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 15:06
  Speaker 6: She's evolved to that from splits to twerking.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: I mean, come on.
• 15:11
  Speaker 6: Let's use this. Like you said, it's a machine and
• 15:14
  Speaker 6: we're a part of it.
• 15:15
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 15:16
  Speaker 6: Play the game just a bit, but just be smart.
• 15:19
  Speaker 6: Let's also still work together. As the small pieces to
• 15:22
  Speaker 6: this big-ass puzzle, let's come together and work it properly.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: And you have some companies too. Absolutely. You have your
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: wig company, right?
• 15:30
  Speaker 6: Yeah, Go Naked Hair.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: Go Naked Hair. And that you try all the wigs
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: on yourself, right? Yes, yes.
• 15:36
  Speaker 6: And most of my units, my wigs are designed for me.
• 15:40
  Speaker 6: So that's why they're all big.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: They're thick. They're TV wigs.
• 15:42
  Speaker 6: They got high density.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: The best hair.
• 15:45
  Speaker 6: Like, no, you ready to be a glam woman when
• 15:47
  Speaker 6: you come get one of my units.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And what other businesses do you have going?
• 15:51
  Speaker 6: And then I also have Pampered by Portia, which is
• 15:53
  Speaker 6: a strictly chic company.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: Strictly chic. And I brought you some, actually. Oh, great.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 15:59
  Speaker 6: Yeah, they're in one of my bags. But I brought
• 16:01
  Speaker 6: you some because.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: You have to feel them.
• 16:03
  Speaker 5: Oh, thank you.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: That was so nice.
• 16:04
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I started that company because I am a mommy's baby.
• 16:08
  Speaker 6: I'm so close to my mom. And when I was younger,
• 16:10
  Speaker 6: I used to take naps in her bed. It was
• 16:12
  Speaker 6: like the best, like the best sleep ever. And she
• 16:16
  Speaker 6: introduced me to a vendor. And she tricked me and
• 16:19
  Speaker 6: put the sheets on my bed. And I was like, wait,
• 16:20
  Speaker 6: that feels reminiscent. And she was like, no, that's the
• 16:23
  Speaker 6: company I was telling you about. And the sheets feel
• 16:25
  Speaker 6: like her sheets. I was like, I have to start
• 16:28
  Speaker 6: this company. So I contributed to my mommy.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: Here they go. Oh, that's so sweet. Oh my God.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: Look at this. You can get sheets.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: You can get her hair.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: All these things are available on QVC. On the Dear
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: Chelsea Network.
• 16:47
  Speaker 6: This is so sweet.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: Thank you. I love it. Pampered by Portia. That's so cute.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Are you done with men?
• 16:58
  Speaker 6: You know, I feel like if we're doing any labels,
• 17:01
  Speaker 6: I will be closer to bisexual.
• 17:03
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 17:04
  Speaker 6: But, you know, I'm happy where I am. I'm happy
• 17:07
  Speaker 6: where I am. Am I attracted to men? Yes, I'm
• 17:10
  Speaker 6: attracted to women the same.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: But, you know, I'm happy where I am. I like
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: the wave of adult onset lesbianism that has taken place. No,
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: she's right. I'm okay with you saying that. Everyone is
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: having the same kind of, or not the same, similar
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: vibes where we're all kind of looking around being like, okay,
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: wait a second. There's not one definition for what I'm
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: attracted to. I have a girlfriend of mine who I
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: think is really becoming attracted to me that I need
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: to nip in the bud. No, please nip it.
• 17:43
  Speaker 6: Nip it because now that I have people know me, Like,
• 17:47
  Speaker 6: I feel like a lot of my friends are giving
• 17:49
  Speaker 6: me an extra eye.
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: Being like girlfriends. Because now that you're. It's a little eye.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: You know, you know it.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a little eye. Some kind of.
• 17:56
  Speaker 6: And I'm like, uh-uh.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah. How did. Well, okay. So, how was. I want
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: to talk about your mother's reaction to you and your
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: newfound sexuality. Because it's kind of like a year old.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: You've been dating women.
• 18:08
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: Or you've been with women.
• 18:10
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: We don't have to get into the details, but you
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: were worried about that conversation with your mother.
• 18:16
  Speaker 6: No, I wasn't worried about it. I think my reaction
• 18:19
  Speaker 6: on the reunion by crying, people thought that I doubted
• 18:22
  Speaker 6: my mom's support. My mom watched me on Real Housewives say,
• 18:28
  Speaker 6: somebody going to eat me out tonight.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: I mean, I said that on Real Housewives.
• 18:32
  Speaker 6: So she knew I was fluid.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: She knew that.
• 18:36
  Speaker 6: I just didn't know if she was going to trust
• 18:39
  Speaker 6: my decision making to go deep head on in another relationship.
• 18:43
  Speaker 6: So it's partly, I guess, because she's a woman. But
• 18:45
  Speaker 6: it's really, I had just come out of a divorce.
• 18:49
  Speaker 6: And here I was introducing my mom and my family
• 18:52
  Speaker 6: to a new relationship. And it was just kind of like,
• 18:54
  Speaker 6: are you sure? And are you sure this is something
• 18:57
  Speaker 6: you want to do publicly? So I just didn't know
• 19:01
  Speaker 6: whether I was going to have her full support or not.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: And I did.
• 19:04
  Speaker 6: Because even though she knew that I had... dealt with
• 19:10
  Speaker 6: women before. I'm assuming, I don't know. I'm assuming she
• 19:13
  Speaker 6: caught that episode. She never talked about it. But I'm
• 19:16
  Speaker 6: assuming my mom knew that I had probably been with
• 19:18
  Speaker 6: women before. And I think that I just didn't know
• 19:21
  Speaker 6: what her reaction would be. I mean, you hear about
• 19:24
  Speaker 6: parents who are like, you know, not that supportive of it.
• 19:27
  Speaker 6: And I just didn't know. And I was just happy
• 19:30
  Speaker 6: to know that she was like, you know, baby, if
• 19:32
  Speaker 6: this is what you want, if you're happy, I'm glad.
• 19:35
  Speaker 6: And I think that maybe this will be really good
• 19:37
  Speaker 6: for you.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think every parent, well, no, I don't think
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: because we get so many people who call in whose
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: parents are terrible about these kinds of things. And you're
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: just like, really? Like, how could you, don't you want
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: your child? One of the reasons that I never wanted
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: to have children was because it would be so heartbreaking
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: to have a child that wasn't happy. You know, like
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: that I can't control someone else's happiness. And I don't
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: want to be responsible for someone else's happiness. Because I
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: can't give someone happiness. You know what I mean? And
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: that would be the most heartbreaking part about being a parent,
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: I would imagine.
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: I mean, you are a parent. That's my goal.
• 20:10
  Speaker 6: My goal is for her to be happy. However, I
• 20:15
  Speaker 6: do have to say I don't feel responsible for her happiness.
• 20:18
  Speaker 6: I feel responsible for how I'm raising her, what I
• 20:22
  Speaker 6: teach her, and helping guide her. But she's going to
• 20:26
  Speaker 6: find her own happiness. So I'm just making sure that
• 20:29
  Speaker 6: she has enough money in a cushion so she doesn't
• 20:32
  Speaker 6: have to do things for money. I'm making sure that
• 20:35
  Speaker 6: she has her own knowledge so that she can make
• 20:37
  Speaker 6: choices for herself and not other people. I'm making sure
• 20:39
  Speaker 6: that she's confident in who she is by saying, are
• 20:42
  Speaker 6: you proud of yourself instead of so much of mommy's
• 20:44
  Speaker 6: proud of you? So she can see herself and value
• 20:47
  Speaker 6: herself for herself and not see herself through other people.
• 20:50
  Speaker 6: I want her to know she's already worthy. So I'm
• 20:53
  Speaker 6: just doing things around her that will hopefully grow a
• 20:56
  Speaker 6: healthy family. person and a person who's confident and happy
• 21:00
  Speaker 6: for themselves. Now, if she's not happy, I'm going to
• 21:02
  Speaker 6: kick somebody's ass.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 21:04
  Speaker 6: If you're making her unhappy. But I hope that she
• 21:07
  Speaker 6: would have the confidence to know that she can create
• 21:11
  Speaker 6: her own world and be happy.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: Whatever that looks like. Right. How old is she? She's seven.
• 21:15
  Speaker 6: Yeah, she's seven.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: So back to, I want to circle back to, okay,
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: do you spend a lot of time in Atlanta in
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: real life?
• 21:23
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: So how has being on this show and being so
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: well known, how has that impacted your real life in Atlanta? Like,
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: and your real relationships? Well, being a.
• 21:35
  Speaker 6: Real person outside of TV, it affected me in a
• 21:37
  Speaker 6: big way. So I had been doing television at that
• 21:41
  Speaker 6: point for maybe 10 years before I took a break.
• 21:43
  Speaker 6: I left Real Housewives, not TV, because I still had
• 21:46
  Speaker 6: chat room. I still was doing Dish Nation, but I
• 21:49
  Speaker 6: left the Real Housewives, I think at my 10-year mark.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: And I planned it.
• 21:53
  Speaker 6: I was 40. I already had my daughter. And I said, look,
• 21:56
  Speaker 6: I just want some time for myself.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: During that time, I got peace. I was like, oh, peace.
• 22:04
  Speaker 6: And once I got a hold to peace, I realized
• 22:05
  Speaker 6: how valuable it was. So then when I reentered into
• 22:09
  Speaker 6: the TV world, this world again, I said... Peace is
• 22:13
  Speaker 6: number one. That is one thing I will never, ever
• 22:16
  Speaker 6: fucking compromise again. And in order to keep peace, I
• 22:20
  Speaker 6: had to build boundaries. And those boundaries that I set
• 22:23
  Speaker 6: weren't necessarily for other people because I can't control other people.
• 22:26
  Speaker 6: It's a lot of fucking weirdos out here that I
• 22:28
  Speaker 6: can't control.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: People are weird.
• 22:30
  Speaker 6: You know, like 24-7, ooh, that was weird.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: Ooh, she's weird.
• 22:34
  Speaker 6: That's other people. My boundaries are things that I will do,
• 22:37
  Speaker 6: things that I won't do, things that I'll take part in,
• 22:39
  Speaker 6: things that I won't take part in, things that I'll discuss,
• 22:41
  Speaker 6: won't discuss. So once I decided to build those parameters
• 22:45
  Speaker 6: of I have boundaries and I know who I am,
• 22:49
  Speaker 6: that was it. Nobody can bother my peace. Anything that
• 22:52
  Speaker 6: comes in it to mess up my peace.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: You're out. And did you get that from therapy? Is
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: that where you learned how to do that?
• 22:59
  Speaker 6: I got that from... Well, not necessarily from therapy because
• 23:02
  Speaker 6: guess what? When you're super happy, some people don't go
• 23:05
  Speaker 6: to therapy. So I was really happy in my marriage
• 23:08
  Speaker 6: and so I didn't necessarily go to therapy. I got
• 23:11
  Speaker 6: that from... valuing what was most important no matter what.
• 23:15
  Speaker 6: Everything outside of TV. Spending more time with my daughter.
• 23:17
  Speaker 6: And valuable time with my mother. Spending more time with
• 23:21
  Speaker 6: my friends. Just thinking about what's going to be there
• 23:24
  Speaker 6: when everything else is gone. And once I got a
• 23:27
  Speaker 6: piece of that, it was like, mm-mm. So when I
• 23:30
  Speaker 6: do Housewives, it's a gig. It's for those three to
• 23:34
  Speaker 6: four months. And once it's done, it's done. I move
• 23:38
  Speaker 6: on to the next gig. I move on to the
• 23:40
  Speaker 6: next job. So that's how I think about it now.
• 23:42
  Speaker 6: Whereas before I thought every girl on the show should
• 23:45
  Speaker 6: be my real friend, you know, and I was trusting
• 23:49
  Speaker 6: them and I thought they were supposed to be trusting me.
• 23:51
  Speaker 6: It was like such a real, you know, interaction.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: Now I'm for.
• 23:55
  Speaker 6: Whoever shows their authentic self to me. But if you
• 23:58
  Speaker 6: really want to just come in here and have a banter,
• 24:00
  Speaker 6: we're going to have that. But if you like a
• 24:02
  Speaker 6: Phaedra and like a Cynthia and Drew, which I'm learning
• 24:06
  Speaker 6: more and more, want to have a real relationship, I'll
• 24:08
  Speaker 6: have that with you. So I don't mesh those worlds
• 24:11
  Speaker 6: as much as I used to.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: So you don't mesh your reality friends with your real
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: life friends?
• 24:17
  Speaker 6: Well, my reality friends are my real friends. Phaedra and
• 24:20
  Speaker 6: I do talk and spend time off camera. Cynthia and
• 24:23
  Speaker 6: I talk and spend time off camera. But when it
• 24:25
  Speaker 6: comes to my real life, my friends are my mommy,
• 24:30
  Speaker 6: my sister, my baby. I have a really small circle.
• 24:35
  Speaker 6: In real life, I'm an introvert. I always say like,
• 24:39
  Speaker 6: I'll bring out my extroverted side when I'm working, but
• 24:42
  Speaker 6: I'm truly an introvert. I can truly be at home.
• 24:44
  Speaker 6: I don't have to be in streets. I don't got
• 24:46
  Speaker 6: to be at this event, that event. I love being
• 24:49
  Speaker 6: to myself. I actually really love spending time with just me.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: I talk to me. I probably talk to me more
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: than I talk to anybody.
• 24:55
  Speaker 6: So I don't have a problem being alone. So I
• 24:59
  Speaker 6: think that's probably one of the best things for me,
• 25:02
  Speaker 6: especially as a celebrity. It's one of the best things. Yeah.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I feel that way too. I find my company
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: to be good. Yes.
• 25:09
  Speaker 6: And it makes you exclusive.
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: It does. By default. It does. And you're like, yeah,
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: I'm having a pretty good time by myself. I spent
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: two weeks in Madrid. By myself. I checked into this hotel.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: I went to Spanish school for three hours a day
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: in the morning. That's everything. And then I would go
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: out and take myself to this beautiful, expensive lunch and
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: have fresh fish and drink white wine alone, read a
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: book or study my Spanish. And then I would be
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: home in bed every night by like 8.30. And I'm like,
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: this is the fucking life. It's the life.
• 25:39
  Speaker 6: I'm telling you, if you have not traveled on your
• 25:42
  Speaker 6: own as a woman, you have to do it. When
• 25:44
  Speaker 6: before I married my last husband, I.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: You sound so funny. Well, I did have two. Which
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: one was your favorite husband, ex-husband? Which one is your
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: favorite ex-husband?
• 25:57
  Speaker 6: Oh, my favorite ex-husband. I favor them all. Yeah, I
• 26:01
  Speaker 6: favor them all for those moments. They were a life
• 26:04
  Speaker 6: that I lived for that moment. Yeah, I forgot about
• 26:06
  Speaker 6: him now, so I really can't tell you who's my favorite.
• 26:09
  Speaker 6: But I'm assuming I favor them. But when it comes
• 26:12
  Speaker 6: to traveling alone, I think I was... I think I
• 26:16
  Speaker 6: was turning 40 or had turned 40 or something like that.
• 26:18
  Speaker 6: But that new year, I said, I'm going to travel alone.
• 26:21
  Speaker 6: I went to Turks and Caicos by myself. And I
• 26:25
  Speaker 6: had a ball. There was one day I was bored
• 26:28
  Speaker 6: as hell.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: I ain't going to lie.
• 26:29
  Speaker 6: Now, you got to tell the truth. There's a day
• 26:30
  Speaker 6: you're bored. There was a day I was really bored.
• 26:33
  Speaker 6: I was there for like 10 days. And there was
• 26:35
  Speaker 6: a day I was sitting by the pool.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: God damn, I'm bored.
• 26:37
  Speaker 6: Is anybody going to call? What can I do? And
• 26:41
  Speaker 6: I ended up going to this restaurant, met the restaurant owner.
• 26:46
  Speaker 6: really nice person or whatever, not interested in him. And
• 26:49
  Speaker 6: I said, hey, I'm going to get a yacht tomorrow.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: Would you like to go on a yacht? He was like, sure.
• 26:52
  Speaker 6: So he came on the yacht. He gave me a
• 26:54
  Speaker 6: tour of Turks and Caicos.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: And we just had a good time as friends.
• 26:58
  Speaker 6: Then the next day, I did like this marathon spa
• 27:01
  Speaker 6: day to take up the day. And I was at
• 27:04
  Speaker 6: the spa for like Seven hours. I was at the pool.
• 27:07
  Speaker 6: I did the spiritual thing.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 27:10
  Speaker 6: I really think as a woman, it's liberating to spend
• 27:13
  Speaker 6: your own money on useful yourself and go out of
• 27:16
  Speaker 6: town and enjoy just self, just peace.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: And also doing what the fuck you want to do. Yes.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: What I want to do.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: And you know, like if I want to get into
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: bed at four o'clock in the afternoon and watch TV
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: for the rest of the night, great. Then that's what
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: I'm going to do. You pay to do that.
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: I'm paying. You pay to do that. And at one
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: point during this trip, I kept feeling like, I was like,
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm a mother away from my children,
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: but I don't have children. But I'm like, this must
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: be what mothers feel like.
• 27:44
  Speaker 6: That's that little voice that always fucks with you and
• 27:48
  Speaker 6: tells you what you don't deserve, what you can't do.
• 27:51
  Speaker 6: And you got to tell that voice to shut the
• 27:52
  Speaker 6: fuck up. I'm on this vacation.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: I paid for this.
• 27:55
  Speaker 6: And if I want to waste this money in this
• 27:57
  Speaker 6: hotel room all day in this bed, I'm.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Going to do that.
• 28:01
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: There's all this pressure when you go on vacation where
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: you feel like you're supposed to like get the most
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: out of every day. And I hate that fucking attitude.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: I don't want to get the most out of every day.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: I just want to get a little bit. I'm trying
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: to live it up every single day in that way. No,
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: that is not what vacation is.
• 28:19
  Speaker 6: You have not lived until you went on vacation and
• 28:22
  Speaker 6: wasted the money.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: That's what you're supposed to do. Are we serious?
• 28:26
  Speaker 6: Just like when people are home, it's like, Why are
• 28:29
  Speaker 6: y'all home always trying to be outside of your house?
• 28:31
  Speaker 6: I'm trying to be in my house enjoying what I'm
• 28:33
  Speaker 6: paying for.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: Are you crazy?
• 28:35
  Speaker 6: Because at the first of the month, I'm paying it regardless.
• 28:37
  Speaker 6: I'm going to enjoy this house.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: I ain't got to go nowhere. Yeah. I feel like
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: a lot. Now that you have all these new terms,
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: like you could be an extroverted introvert or an introvert ambivert.
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: There's an ambivert.
• 28:47
  Speaker 6: Ambivert is like both, right?
• 28:48
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: Like you're ambidextrous. But I think we're all, all of
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: those things. No one is one thing. Like no one
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: wants to just be out all day, all day long
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: for 20, I mean, unless they have a disorder, you
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like talking for 24 hours straight.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: Who wants that? It's exhausting.
• 29:04
  Speaker 6: I don't like, and I don't like small talk. I'm
• 29:07
  Speaker 6: not great at it. I end up telling all my
• 29:08
  Speaker 6: business because I need.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: To get in there. I know, me too. I have
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: the same problem. I can't, I can't, you know, so.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: Are you like a night person or a morning person?
• 29:21
  Speaker 6: So I think I may be premenopausal because I'm up
• 29:25
  Speaker 6: all night. I don't know what it is. I think
• 29:27
  Speaker 6: it's one of the symptoms. I'm not really sure. I
• 29:29
  Speaker 6: don't think they even have a diagnosis to tell you
• 29:32
  Speaker 6: that you are. I think it's just by symptom. But
• 29:35
  Speaker 6: I'm up all night to like 2 a.m. And if
• 29:38
  Speaker 6: I do fall asleep, I'm right back up at like 5.
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: A.m.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: So yeah, it's weird. It's these nights.
• 29:43
  Speaker 6: I got to start back taking my progesterone.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. I got to start back. Are you on that?
• 29:48
  Speaker 6: Have you done the testosterone pellet?
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: I've done, no, I put the cream on, but then
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: I started getting these long black hairs growing out of
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: my thigh where I was putting the cream. So my
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: doctor just told me yesterday, I go, I have to
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: get laser hair removal again. I'm like, I don't need
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: black hairs on my thigh. And she goes, oh no,
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: you're supposed to put it on the back of your knee,
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: the testosterone, because hair won't grow there.
• 30:11
  Speaker 6: Oh, and because you're going to forget that the back
• 30:13
  Speaker 6: of your knee is hairy?
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: That's a terrible idea. Laughter Can you imagine all of
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: a sudden I have no hair? I've gotten laser hair
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: remover on my legs, but I just have hairy backs
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: of my knees. Got a nice little afro bag there. Oh, God.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: Hell no. Or she said you could put it on
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: your clitoris.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: And I was like, but it can grow.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: It can grow. The clitoris?
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: Not hair, but the clitoris can get bigger.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: It does. It gets a little longer. Would you say, oh, no?
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: Why?
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: Oh, that sounds like a good time.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: You don't want to go down that road.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: Why would you say, oh, no? Who wouldn't want more clitoris? Like, what?
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I want my clitoris to get bigger.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm kind of masculine. I would love to.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: You like, you want something to dipsy doodle with.
• 30:56
  Speaker 5: Yeah. Okay.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 30:56
  Speaker 6: I don't know what kind of show this is, but
• 30:58
  Speaker 6: I think that would be great.
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah. You want to tap that. I don't think that
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: would be a bad thing. I hear what you're saying
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: from your perspective, but since I am not bisexual yet,
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: really formally. Wait, are you, are you tapping into that
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: at some point?
• 31:12
  Speaker 6: You said it twice.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: It's in my chart.
• 31:15
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? I mean, we've done
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: it all. Why not? It feels like it tracks with
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: my lifestyle and that at some point that's what's going
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: to happen. I haven't done that yet in an official way,
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: but I just feel like that's par for the course
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: with me. Yeah, it might be par for the course.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: And I'm also open to all sorts of scenarios. You
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like, who knows? I don't know
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: how I'm going to feel in a week. Like, I
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: don't declare that anything's off the table.
• 31:40
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: Because as soon as you do, then that's what happens.
• 31:44
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: Whatever it is, it will be natural.
• 31:47
  Speaker 6: It will be natural. And I think that, you know,
• 31:49
  Speaker 6: for some women, it just feels more natural. If it
• 31:53
  Speaker 6: doesn't feel like it, don't do it.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
• 31:55
  Speaker 4: Did you?
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't. I wouldn't. At this age, I
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: don't feel pressure to do anything that doesn't make me,
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: you know, want to do it.
• 32:01
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: Like, I'm not doing things for other people at this point. Right, exactly.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: When you were younger, did you hook up with girls? Yeah.
• 32:08
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 32:09
  Speaker 4: I did.
• 32:09
  Speaker 6: Now, well, I said it like I was in there, like,
• 32:11
  Speaker 6: really doing it. No, I, like, kissed a girl when
• 32:14
  Speaker 6: I was, like, a kid or something like that.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
• 32:17
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I just kissed a kid and I like to hunch,
• 32:20
  Speaker 6: you know, the little jean thing.
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 32:23
  Speaker 6: Yeah, a little jean hunching thing. But no, I think
• 32:26
  Speaker 6: once I got older is when it happened to me.
• 32:29
  Speaker 6: It was like a friend of mine and then it
• 32:30
  Speaker 6: was like, oh, let's explore and something like that. But,
• 32:34
  Speaker 6: you know, now I just feel like I am more
• 32:38
  Speaker 6: comfortable right now with a woman. I just feel natural.
• 32:44
  Speaker 6: It just feels good.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: It feels like. I don't know.
• 32:46
  Speaker 6: It just feels good to me.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: That's nice.
• 32:48
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: That's nice too. I did used to hook up with
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: this little girl when I was a little girl. I
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: had a girl, I was, my parents had the summer
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: house at Martha's Vineyard and her name was Martha and
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: I would go into this deli and Martha would work
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: at this deli. I've spoken about this before. How old
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: were y'all? I was like 10 or 11 and she
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: was like 12 and 13.
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: Okay. She was the older woman. Oh, she knew. Yeah.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: She knew what she was doing. She invited me over
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: to her house and I went over to her house
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: and And she was like, hey, do you want a cigarette?
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: And I was like, a cigarette? Oh, she was real grown.
• 33:19
  Speaker 6: She was like grown in the South.
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay, yeah, let's smoke cigarettes. I love
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: this idea. And then the next time I went over,
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: she was like, do you want a beer? And I'm like, yes.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: What else do you have? Then you're ready. And then
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: the next time I came over, she's like, do you
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: want to go in the closet? And I can, and
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: then we went, and I'm like, okay, yeah. And she goes, okay,
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: pull your pants down and lie down.
• 33:42
  Speaker 5: Oh, wow.
• 33:43
  Speaker 4: And I did.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: Oh, she went all the way. And she just serviced
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: me for the whole, and ended up servicing me for
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: the whole summer.
• 33:50
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: Until she asked me to service her in return. You
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: were like, I subscribe. Yeah, I was like, I was like,
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: what time should I be here tomorrow? This is a
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: perfect arrangement. It's a different type of tickle. And she was,
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: just went down on me all summer long. That's crazy.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: And I was like, thank you so much at the
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: end of the summer. No, thank you. I was like,
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: I was so, yeah, I was sorry to say goodbye.
• 34:11
  Speaker 6: No, that is really funny because she took you straight to,
• 34:14
  Speaker 6: I guess, third base.
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: Yes. I was going to say mine was with a
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: little blonde haired girl.
• 34:19
  Speaker 6: And I remember she was at this daycare. We couldn't
• 34:24
  Speaker 6: have been no more than like six or seven. And
• 34:26
  Speaker 6: we had this big tire that we used to go to,
• 34:28
  Speaker 6: and we used to kiss at the tire.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: Yes. Yeah. Kissing at the tire was... You remember the tire?
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: Didn't you do that too?
• 34:35
  Speaker 6: Yeah, they need to ban these tires from schools because
• 34:37
  Speaker 6: that's what we're doing, the kissing.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: It's like a little privacy. Where are the tires? Oh,
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: on the playground.
• 34:42
  Speaker 6: They're on the playground, and they're huge to us because
• 34:45
  Speaker 6: we're little. We're like only six and seven. And I
• 34:48
  Speaker 6: remember we used to kiss in the tire.
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I liked that age of, I remember telling my
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: sisters about this. I did it in one of my
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: standup specials talking about this Martha girl.
• 34:58
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: And my sisters were like horrified when they heard it
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: for the first time because they were in the audience.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: I didn't give them any like, you know, heads up
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: of course. That's how we do family. Exactly. It's like,
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: you find out what I write it or publish it.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: And they were like, oh my God, Chelsea, you were molested.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I wasn't molested. I was a participant. I
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: was like, she was 13, you were 11. I'm like, guys,
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: I loved every minute of it.
• 35:21
  Speaker 6: She didn't have to crank my legs open.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: They flew, okay? By the end of the summer, I
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: just would light a cigarette, drink a beer, and I'd
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: lie down and be like, come on, let's go. Let's
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: get the party started.
• 35:30
  Speaker 6: Okay, well, you know now as an adult, you're going
• 35:33
  Speaker 6: to have to do some doing too.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I understand.
• 35:36
  Speaker 6: Not to receive, you're going to have to be the doer.
• 35:38
  Speaker 6: So you got to practice that.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: Yes. Some men are pillow princesses, quite frankly. Oh, I
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: can never be with a man.
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: No, no.
• 35:44
  Speaker 6: I'm a pillow princess with a man.
• 35:45
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: No, no, no. I'm not you.
• 35:47
  Speaker 6: Right.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: I agree.
• 35:48
  Speaker 6: But with a woman, I'm not a pillow princess. Right.
• 35:51
  Speaker 6: So yeah, no.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: With a man, I was. I was like, you should
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: be happy. Exactly. You should be grateful and lucky. Before
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: we give advice, we're going to have callers and we're
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: going to give real life advice. But can you think
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: of the worst advice that you've ever been given?
• 36:06
  Speaker 6: Oh my God, the worst advice I've ever been given. Damn,
• 36:09
  Speaker 6: the worst? People always ask you, what's the best? I
• 36:14
  Speaker 6: guess the worst advice was this one time this man
• 36:16
  Speaker 6: told me to tell his family I was older than
• 36:18
  Speaker 6: I was. And that was probably the first time that
• 36:21
  Speaker 6: I was like, I think I'm not in a safe space.
• 36:28
  Speaker 6: And now that I think back as a grown woman,
• 36:30
  Speaker 6: I'm like, wow, he was a predator. He actually told
• 36:33
  Speaker 6: you To say that you were an older age than
• 36:36
  Speaker 6: you were because you weren't supposed to be with a
• 36:39
  Speaker 6: man that old and he was taking advantage of you.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: How old were you at the time?
• 36:42
  Speaker 6: I was only 17 and he told me to tell
• 36:45
  Speaker 6: him that I was 20. Yeah, I was 17 telling
• 36:49
  Speaker 6: him that I was 20. But that was one of
• 36:51
  Speaker 6: the first encounters with a predator that I can think
• 36:53
  Speaker 6: of and that was kind of like the gateway of
• 36:55
  Speaker 6: me allowing, by lying, taking part in it that walked
• 37:00
  Speaker 6: me into that.
• 37:01
  Speaker 4: Uh-huh. Yeah.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: So you went along with it.
• 37:02
  Speaker 6: I went along with it that day. And then I
• 37:04
  Speaker 6: continued from that mind frame to go along with it. See,
• 37:08
  Speaker 6: at first he was just an older man dating a
• 37:09
  Speaker 6: younger girl. I didn't really understand. But when I took
• 37:12
  Speaker 6: part in it, then it felt like shame's on me too,
• 37:14
  Speaker 6: shame's on him. So I continued in it some type
• 37:17
  Speaker 6: of way.
• 37:17
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 37:18
  Speaker 6: Yeah, that's why I was like, where did my mind
• 37:19
  Speaker 6: go there while we're talking?
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: Well, we all do things like that when we're young, though.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: We do stupid things because you don't realize the impact
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: of that until you are an older woman.
• 37:25
  Speaker 6: You don't.
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: And you understand how inappropriate it is. I had a
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: lot of inappropriate things happen. Exactly, exactly.
• 37:32
  Speaker 6: So, yeah, I wish that I wouldn't have lied for
• 37:34
  Speaker 6: him because then I probably wouldn't have kept lying for
• 37:36
  Speaker 6: him or myself or anybody else through that pattern. Right.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry, Debbie Downer. No, no, that's okay.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: That's okay.
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: We get deep on this show.
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we roll with the punches.
• 37:49
  Speaker 5: Good.
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: Well, this one is not super deep, but this is
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: just a quickie or one drink question of the day.
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: It comes from Jesse.
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: Jesse says, my in-laws always want to split the check
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: down the middle when we go out with them.
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: So annoying already.
• 38:03
  Speaker 6: It is.
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: I'm so sick of everyone splitting the check. I mean,
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: why are people still splitting a check?
• 38:09
  Speaker 6: Why don't they just like have somebody pay and then
• 38:11
  Speaker 6: cash out?
• 38:12
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: That one person. Exactly. Yeah, that's what Venmo's for. Yeah,
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: let's not embarrass ourselves. I say that like I have
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: a Venmo account.
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: I don't need that.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: Somebody has one.
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: My husband and I are on a budget and try
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: not to order too many extras, but we end up
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: paying for alcohol and apps that everyone orders together. Recently,
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: I asked for a separate check and they all looked
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: at me like I had two heads, insisting we pay
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: it together. How do I fix this so we can
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: stick to a budget, Jessie?
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: Just be very honest about that you're on a budget.
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: That's his parents. They could respect that. Be like, listen,
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: you guys are drinking alcohol. That's expensive. We're on a
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: really tight budget.
• 38:47
  Speaker 6: So they expect us to wait. Let me get this straight.
• 38:49
  Speaker 6: They expected her to pay a check that had drinks
• 38:52
  Speaker 6: on it?
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 38:53
  Speaker 6: Absolutely not.
• 38:54
  Speaker 4: No.
• 38:54
  Speaker 6: Because that's going to raise it up.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: No.
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: I think getting a separate check is like, There's nothing
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: they can say to that because you're like, no, these
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: are the things I ordered.
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: You know what?
• 39:03
  Speaker 6: Why don't you just let your card decline in front
• 39:05
  Speaker 6: of them one time? Show them. Show them that you
• 39:08
  Speaker 6: can tell them. Let that lady come in and say, decline.
• 39:10
  Speaker 6: Then they'll know. Like, y'all take an advantage.
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: Yes. Okay, so I take back my initial reaction because
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: if you are on a budget, I understand. I just
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: feel like with splitting checks, and this is more for
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: me personally because I do want to respect the fact
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: that many people are on budgets. And for me personally,
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: I would rather... everyone just, I think it's gross to
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: talk about money at a dinner table. Do you know
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: what I mean? And I know that's probably a luxury,
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: but I think it's more apt to do, to send
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: somebody the money afterward or to figure out an arrangement
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: before you ever go on the, you know, these things.
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: It's like, you're going to get this dinner and then
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: I'm going to get this dinner or you're going to
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: get lunch and I'm going to get dinner, whatever the
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: situation is. But she needs to.
• 39:54
  Speaker 6: Be using her husband or boyfriend's credit card. Like, because
• 39:58
  Speaker 6: his parents shouldn't even assume that you're going to pay
• 40:01
  Speaker 6: a check that big. Like, why are you paying for
• 40:03
  Speaker 6: his family to eat? Let's just go there.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: And why is he allowing you to pay? And why
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: are you exactly... That's crazy. Why is he putting a
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: check with his parents?
• 40:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: Good point. They should be treating you. They should be paying.
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: They should be paying. No. We're on your side, girl.
• 40:18
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: All right. It took a long way. It was a
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: twisty road to get there.
• 40:27
  Speaker 3: Well, our first caller today, this is Allison, and she says,
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea, I'm 20 years old and a full-time college student.
• 40:36
  Speaker 3: I'm living with my best friend next year, but before that,
• 40:38
  Speaker 3: I lived in an apartment with three girls. However, one
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: of them I could not stand. Lots of lying, stealing
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: my items, passive-aggressive comments, and countless arguments.
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: Like the Real Housewives. Exactly. Welcome.
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: Ever since I lived with her my freshman year, it
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: was impossible for us to get along, and for a
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: while now I've been playing this game where I pretend
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: to get along with her and be friends with her
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: for the sake of this internship we have together. I
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: don't want things to be awkward, and my bosses at
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: the internship are really strict about no drama. I really
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: need some advice on how to stop being her friend,
• 41:06
  Speaker 3: or at least some advice of putting up boundaries so
• 41:08
  Speaker 3: I can finally be at peace. Normally, it's relatively easy
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: for me to drop people, but this specific case is
• 41:14
  Speaker 3: taking way.
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: Too long, Allie. This specific drop.
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: And they share best friends, so this is like her
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: friend's friend. Yeah, I was about to say.
• 41:21
  Speaker 6: What's the cliff notes?
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: Okay, so hi, Allie.
• 41:24
  Speaker 4: Hi, Chelsea.
• 41:25
  Speaker 5: Hi.
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: We have Portia here today as our special guest.
• 41:27
  Speaker 5: Hi.
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: Hi.
• 41:29
  Speaker 4: Hi.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: Okay, so give us the lowdown. What's the dynamic?
• 41:32
  Speaker 4: Okay, so I'm a junior in college. I just started college.
• 41:37
  Speaker 4: And freshman and sophomore year, it was an apartment of
• 41:40
  Speaker 4: the four of us. It's my best friend and then
• 41:43
  Speaker 4: two other girls, the one girl I don't like, and
• 41:46
  Speaker 4: then her other best friend. So we actually like the
• 41:50
  Speaker 4: other girl, like her best friend. We just don't like
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: the one girl in particular. I'm talking like throwing parties
• 41:57
  Speaker 4: in our apartment and leaving it completely trash for us
• 42:00
  Speaker 4: to come home to.
• 42:01
  Speaker 6: Oh no.
• 42:01
  Speaker 4: Stealing my clothes from the dryer and I'm literally like
• 42:05
  Speaker 4: having to go into her room to get my clothes back, lying.
• 42:09
  Speaker 4: She has like this terrible like victim complex. And now
• 42:13
  Speaker 4: we have this internship together and I've been dying to
• 42:16
  Speaker 4: get away from her and just like at least put
• 42:18
  Speaker 4: up some boundaries so she doesn't think that we're all
• 42:21
  Speaker 4: like this like big friend group. I just, I just
• 42:23
  Speaker 4: want peace. I really, I just want peace.
• 42:25
  Speaker 6: Dang, how do you kick her out the friend group
• 42:27
  Speaker 6: when she's like that tied in?
• 42:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, because my best friend feels the same way because
• 42:35
  Speaker 4: we stopped living with her. But for the internship, we
• 42:38
  Speaker 4: all have it together. So it's a very, like, close-knit internship.
• 42:43
  Speaker 4: And it's like, how do I, like, take a step
• 42:45
  Speaker 4: back without, like, You know, like starting drama.
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: She's going to be there.
• 42:50
  Speaker 3: Well, Portia is a real housewife, so she has to
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: deal with this sort of situation a lot.
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: Like being around women you don't get along with.
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: Just ignore her.
• 42:58
  Speaker 6: She's not there.
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: Well, I don't know, because that can create its own drama, right?
• 43:04
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: So it's like, I feel like you have to... It's
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: so hard when you're this young because everyone is just
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: so fucking emotional. That's me. Of course you're emotional. I mean,
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: you're a baby. So of course it's like, you know,
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: you can't be like, let's be professional.
• 43:21
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: Because for the sake of the internship, because, you know,
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: it's like, well, what does that mean? Am I not
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: your friend? And then her feelings get hurt. And it's
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: almost like you kind of want to just make her
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: think everything's okay and just kind of distance yourself. Right.
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: Without any drama. And is there a way you can
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: do that?
• 43:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 43:39
  Speaker 6: How do you spend a little time with her? How
• 43:41
  Speaker 6: can you spend the least time with her as possible?
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 43:44
  Speaker 4: So basically, I guess I could just like, honestly, like,
• 43:49
  Speaker 4: be normal, like, at the internship, because it does require
• 43:51
  Speaker 4: us all to, like, be together pretty much all the time.
• 43:55
  Speaker 4: But outside of the internship, I guess I could just, like,
• 43:57
  Speaker 4: not necessarily, like, make plans or, like, just, I just,
• 44:01
  Speaker 4: I don't want to isolate myself, but, like, also, I
• 44:04
  Speaker 4: just want to isolate myself from her. But it's so,
• 44:06
  Speaker 4: it's just hard. I guess I could just, like, specifically
• 44:09
  Speaker 4: make plans without her. But then also, she's, like, the
• 44:13
  Speaker 4: most jealous person I know. And, like, she feels the
• 44:16
  Speaker 4: need to always be involved. So I don't... It's hard.
• 44:20
  Speaker 6: She doesn't seem very self-aware.
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: I promise you.
• 44:23
  Speaker 4: No, no, not at all.
• 44:23
  Speaker 6: She's not self-aware at all. She has no idea that
• 44:27
  Speaker 6: we had a girl like that on the Ultimate Girls trip, right?
• 44:31
  Speaker 6: She was annoying a lot of people, and she didn't
• 44:32
  Speaker 6: even know it. I'm not going to name who she is.
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: It's who she is. You can count, Tess, who.
• 44:38
  Speaker 6: You think I'm talking about. But she's not that self-aware.
• 44:41
  Speaker 6: And what we had to do as her friends is
• 44:43
  Speaker 6: sit her down and say, hey, this situation, this is
• 44:46
  Speaker 6: what you did, and this is how we reacted.
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: Did you see that?
• 44:49
  Speaker 6: This situation, you did this, and this is how we reacted.
• 44:52
  Speaker 6: So I think maybe sitting her down and telling her,
• 44:55
  Speaker 6: you know what? When you borrow my clothes, I don't mind,
• 44:58
  Speaker 6: but I would rather you tell me first. And if
• 45:01
  Speaker 6: you're going to take an item out of the dryer,
• 45:03
  Speaker 6: can you also fold everything else?
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: Like, Make it difficult for her.
• 45:07
  Speaker 6: But also, because she's not self-aware, make her aware of
• 45:11
  Speaker 6: what she's doing. Because in college, she's probably coming from home.
• 45:14
  Speaker 6: She's probably spoiled. Everything is about her at home. And
• 45:18
  Speaker 6: now she's coming here, and y'all are not telling her.
• 45:20
  Speaker 6: She's thinking you love her, and she's annoying the hell
• 45:22
  Speaker 6: out of everybody.
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 45:24
  Speaker 4: I think you literally just said that word for word perfectly.
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, tell her. Yeah, I think that's actually a good
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: lesson just for life in general. Like, you know, you're
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: going to have to like deal with this problem more
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: than with this girl. Like this is going to happen
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: over and over again with people in your life that
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: are annoying you and that you have to figure out
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: a way to like work around. So if you come
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: from a really like sweet place. And you're like, hey, listen,
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: I know we've had some tension. I just want to
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: explain to you what bothers me. And also just make
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: it really sweet in the hopes that maybe there is
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: a friendship there if she has more self-awareness, you know?
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: Who knows what could build, but don't put any pressure
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: on it, but just be like, listen, I don't mind,
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: you know, like give her the benefit of the doubt.
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: What Portia just said, which is really nice. I don't
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: mind that you might borrow my clothes, but you have
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: to kind of ask me first. It's my stuff. I
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: didn't grow up like the way, you know, like just
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: taking stuff, you know, and without insulting her or her background,
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: just like you kind of put it on you. Like
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: this is where I came from. So this is what
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: I'm used to. And this is what I'm more comfortable with.
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: And you can also invite her to be like, Do
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: you have any stuff that you want to talk about? Like,
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: let's all have some healthy boundaries because we're entering the world.
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: You're like, this is your first time on your own
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: without your parents. Like, what is skill set to develop
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: at this age if you can work around these kinds
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: of problems so that you don't end up on the
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: Real Housewives of whatever? I mean, it could lead to
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: a lot of good things. So it really depends what
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: you're open for. Yeah.
• 46:50
  Speaker 4: I guess I was just kind of like, assuming that
• 46:53
  Speaker 4: she would just like understand like, hey, like if you
• 46:56
  Speaker 4: want to borrow like my pants, just ask. But like,
• 46:59
  Speaker 4: I guess it was my fault to just assume like,
• 47:01
  Speaker 4: oh yeah, she knows to ask me, but I can't
• 47:04
  Speaker 4: just like assume.
• 47:05
  Speaker 6: Assume that she doesn't know and assume the position of
• 47:08
  Speaker 6: the one who needs to tell her.
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 47:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 47:10
  Speaker 6: Yeah. And in life you can set boundaries again for yourself,
• 47:15
  Speaker 6: but you can also vocalize them as well.
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: So yeah.
• 47:19
  Speaker 6: And that's what you're gonna learn. This is just a
• 47:20
  Speaker 6: big lesson for you to learn moving forward, even outside
• 47:22
  Speaker 6: of college, just like Chelsea said.
• 47:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there's always, any workplace, there's always gonna be like
• 47:26
  Speaker 3: one person who's kind of an asshole.
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: But they may have a good heart.
• 47:30
  Speaker 6: She may actually have a good heart. And that's what
• 47:32
  Speaker 6: you're gonna see after you tell her the truth. You're
• 47:35
  Speaker 6: gonna see how she reacts. Has she been doing this
• 47:38
  Speaker 6: stuff on, how old are you?
• 47:41
  Speaker 4: I'm 20 years old. I'm very young.
• 47:44
  Speaker 6: Okay. She probably hasn't been doing it on purpose. But
• 47:48
  Speaker 6: you'll see that once you tell her, you'll get the
• 47:51
  Speaker 6: real reaction to see who she really is.
• 47:53
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 47:55
  Speaker 4: That's honestly, like, a really good, like, perspective. I feel
• 47:58
  Speaker 4: like when I, because I live with my best friend,
• 48:00
  Speaker 4: so it's kind of, like, easy for me and her
• 48:02
  Speaker 4: to just go to each other and be like, oh,
• 48:04
  Speaker 4: my gosh, like, I can't believe she did this and
• 48:06
  Speaker 4: all this kind of stuff. And, like, I feel like sometimes, like,
• 48:09
  Speaker 4: we feel like we're fighting, like, internal battles, like, in
• 48:11
  Speaker 4: our heads because we're just like, is she doing this
• 48:13
  Speaker 4: on purpose?
• 48:14
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 48:14
  Speaker 4: Or does she not know? Does she not have, like?
• 48:17
  Speaker 4: any sense to ask. So it's like, it's good to
• 48:19
  Speaker 4: hear like from a different perspective.
• 48:23
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: And I would say don't gang up on her and
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: have this conversation with the whole group of you. I
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: think this is a one-on-one conversation so that she feels,
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: you know, and be sincere, be really sincere. And that
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: way it's like, you're, yeah, you're like, you know, you're
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: helping yourself kind of grow up a little bit too.
• 48:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 48:39
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 48:40
  Speaker 4: Cause I just, I don't want to be like I
• 48:42
  Speaker 4: don't want to come across as mean. I just kind
• 48:45
  Speaker 4: of just want her to understand me more. So maybe
• 48:48
  Speaker 4: that can heal part of our friendship. And instead of
• 48:50
  Speaker 4: just throwing it away and being a waste of time.
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: You're not me. You're helping her. Say that exactly what
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: you just said. That was great.
• 48:57
  Speaker 4: You're so cute.
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: I just love it. I'm jealous that you're in college.
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: I want to be in college.
• 49:04
  Speaker 4: Well, Chelsea, I'm literally waiting for my college refund to
• 49:07
  Speaker 4: come because I want to come to your show so bad.
• 49:09
  Speaker 4: I want to come up with my mom so bad.
• 49:11
  Speaker 4: I'm literally waiting for my refund and I'm going to
• 49:13
  Speaker 4: buy the tickets right away.
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: I'll put you. No, honey, I'll put you on the list.
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: I'll give you tickets. I'll give you tickets.
• 49:20
  Speaker 6: Oh my God, see?
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: Two tickets.
• 49:21
  Speaker 6: Are you being serious?
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: Yes, of course. Yes, yes. You're in college. Okay, I'm
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: going to buy those. And she's bringing her mom. Okay, great, great.
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: You and your mom. We'll give you tickets. We'll set
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: it up, Catherine, right? Yes, yes, yes.
• 49:33
  Speaker 3: And take that money and you can take this girl
• 49:36
  Speaker 3: out for like a coffee and a muffin.
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: Yes, there we go. There we go. You brought that
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: full circle. Oh my God.
• 49:43
  Speaker 4: Yes. Thank you so much. This means the world to me.
• 49:46
  Speaker 4: Literally getting to hear advice from all of you guys
• 49:49
  Speaker 4: is the best. I just, oh my gosh. I never
• 49:52
  Speaker 4: thought I was going to actually be able to talk
• 49:54
  Speaker 4: to you. I submitted this a month ago, and I
• 49:57
  Speaker 4: was like, you know what? It might happen, it might not,
• 49:59
  Speaker 4: but I'm just, oh my gosh.
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: Divine alignment, baby girl. You know what? Here's another thing,
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: because before you got on, Portia and I have been talking,
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: and the three of us were talking, and we're just
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: talking about women bringing each other up instead of putting
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: each other down, right?
• 50:11
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: Healthy competition is fine. There's always going to be competitiveness.
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: That's just human nature. But all ships rise with the tide.
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: So we want everybody lifting up. So you just want
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: to give people the benefit of the doubt and just
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: help her bring out her best self.
• 50:27
  Speaker 6: Exactly. Nobody's probably ever done that either. And after you
• 50:31
  Speaker 6: go meet with her one-on-one, don't go back and gossip
• 50:33
  Speaker 6: with the other girls. Tell them in a really positive way, hey,
• 50:36
  Speaker 6: we're not going to talk about her anymore because I've
• 50:38
  Speaker 6: had a talk. It's going to change.
• 50:40
  Speaker 4: We got to point it into a more positive direction.
• 50:43
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: There you go.
• 50:44
  Speaker 4: It's too easy to be negative nowadays. I need to.
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: Be more positive. That's true. You can do it. You're
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: so adorable. I love you.
• 50:51
  Speaker 4: Okay, Ellie.
• 50:52
  Speaker 3: Text me after this and we'll get tickets figured out
• 50:55
  Speaker 3: for you, okay?
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: Okay. Thank you so much, guys.
• 50:58
  Speaker 4: Thank you so much for all the advice. It means
• 51:00
  Speaker 4: the world to me. This made my year. You just
• 51:03
  Speaker 4: made our day.
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: You're so cute. All right.
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: We'll talk to you soon, Allie.
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: And I just know what happens. Report back, okay? Yes, yes.
• 51:11
  Speaker 4: I will 1,000% report back. Thank you.
• 51:14
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: Sounds good.
• 51:15
  Speaker 5: Bye.
• 51:16
  Speaker 3: Bye.
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: What a cutie patootie. So innocent.
• 51:20
  Speaker 5: That voice.
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: That voice. I just wanted to go in there and
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: just put her on my lap.
• 51:25
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: She's like, I don't want to be mean. Oh, I know.
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: You know, when you get into that negative, like there's
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: nothing worse than constantly talking about one person. You know
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: when you're a teenager and you're young and you don't
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: know any better and you're just sitting there and you're
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: venomous about other people.
• 51:42
  Speaker 6: And then now when you're around them, you got to
• 51:44
  Speaker 6: act fake.
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
• 51:46
  Speaker 6: Because you've talked about them so much. Now when I
• 51:48
  Speaker 6: come around, the air is thick.
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: That's another thing you learn as you get older as
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: a woman that the negativity cycle is a choice.
• 51:57
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: You can either sit around and talk negatively or you
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: can be positive and do something with yourself.
• 52:01
  Speaker 6: And she seems like the leader of her group. So
• 52:04
  Speaker 6: she can actually be the one to change the whole
• 52:06
  Speaker 6: thing for everybody.
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: That group sounded fucked up. There was two best friends
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: and then another fucking best friend and then one out
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: in left field. I was like, what?
• 52:14
  Speaker 4: Anyway.
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: It's like, just get her fired.
• 52:16
  Speaker 6: But we can't say that. Anyway, get her back on
• 52:22
  Speaker 6: the phone.
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: We have another idea. Right, right. Fuck her.
• 52:25
  Speaker 6: I swear.
• 52:31
  Speaker 3: Well, our next question comes from Tanya, and I think
• 52:35
  Speaker 3: Tanya might need a divorce.
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: Oh, Lord.
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: Don't look over here.
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: You're the best one at it. You've been divorced twice already.
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: Am I good at it?
• 52:45
  Speaker 6: Yeah, you're good at it.
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: Out of the three of us, you're the best one.
• 52:50
  Speaker 3: Well, Tanya says, Dear Chelsea, I've been married since my 20s,
• 52:53
  Speaker 3: and I'm almost 50. I left my husband two years
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: ago due to his alcohol addiction issues and how he
• 52:58
  Speaker 3: was treating.
• 52:58
  Speaker 2: Me for years. He got sober and got therapy.
• 53:01
  Speaker 3: We've been in joint therapy, but now he's refusing to
• 53:03
  Speaker 3: do joint sessions. I moved back in the home a
• 53:06
  Speaker 3: year ago, and this is exactly what I feared would happen.
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: On top of that, I am in a breadwinner role.
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: I know everyone grows at a different pace, but I
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: don't see how I can keep hanging on. And she
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: told me that he's not working at all.
• 53:18
  Speaker 3: On top of that, he's dealing with health issues from
• 53:20
  Speaker 3: the drinking, which makes me simultaneously feel bad for him
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: and also resentful at funding a life for someone who
• 53:25
  Speaker 3: treats me badly when he's mad.
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: When I drew boundaries six months.
• 53:28
  Speaker 3: Ago that he needed to contribute, period, he started pulling
• 53:31
  Speaker 3: money out of retirement and acting like it wasn't a
• 53:33
  Speaker 3: big deal. He's also super sweet on a day-to-day basis,
• 53:37
  Speaker 3: making meals and coffee, seemingly trying to butter me up
• 53:39
  Speaker 3: for his lack of financial contribution. My question is, with
• 53:43
  Speaker 3: a long-ass complicated history and inconsistent signals in the present,
• 53:47
  Speaker 3: how do you know when it's time to be done?
• 53:48
  Speaker 3: We're both Christian-influenced, and I'm sure that's affecting the decision.
• 53:52
  Speaker 3: My therapist is super neutral, but even she is starting
• 53:54
  Speaker 3: to encourage me to just take care of me and
• 53:56
  Speaker 3: protect my future.
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: Tanya. Are there kids involved? Hi, Tanya.
• 54:01
  Speaker 5: Hi.
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: No, no kids. Thank God, no kids. Just cute dogs.
• 54:07
  Speaker 3: And also, let them know, too, I know you're doing
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: like a financial separation, so tell Chelsea about that and Portia.
• 54:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 54:15
  Speaker 5: So basically because of his lack of financial contribution and
• 54:19
  Speaker 5: like when I send him job listings for things like
• 54:22
  Speaker 5: work down the street at the gas station, I don't
• 54:24
  Speaker 5: care what you do.
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: You know, he's like, oh, that's beneath me. And it's
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: been like three years of that.
• 54:30
  Speaker 5: So I'm doing a financial separation to protect what's left
• 54:33
  Speaker 5: of my retirement money and to protect my future inheritance
• 54:37
  Speaker 5: because the state that I'm in, If my parents were
• 54:40
  Speaker 5: to pass right now, he would get half and he
• 54:42
  Speaker 5: would continue to spend it like income. So I'm definitely
• 54:46
  Speaker 5: doing the financial separation. But the emotional part of being
• 54:51
  Speaker 5: treated badly during all this, I'm wondering if I need
• 54:55
  Speaker 5: to just call it quits. But we've been together since
• 54:58
  Speaker 5: I was 20. And now I'm 48. And it's like
• 55:01
  Speaker 5: blowing up a whole integrated life. Even though there's no kids,
• 55:06
  Speaker 5: there is a lot of good. We have a ton
• 55:08
  Speaker 5: of fun together. He grows flowers for me. You know, he's,
• 55:12
  Speaker 5: he's a good person. He just like started having a
• 55:15
  Speaker 5: really bad time when his business failed.
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: And that makes me wonder if he did.
• 55:20
  Speaker 5: Get a job and get himself on track, would he
• 55:22
  Speaker 5: get back to being himself? And I don't want to
• 55:24
  Speaker 5: be a fair weather wife, but also like, I can't
• 55:28
  Speaker 5: have this person screaming at me while I'm locking the
• 55:31
  Speaker 5: guest room door, telling him I need peace.
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: I need to sleep, you know?
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 55:35
  Speaker 6: Can I ask a question? Um, From, you said 20, 30,
• 55:41
  Speaker 6: you're now in your 40s.
• 55:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 55:44
  Speaker 6: You said y'all had been in therapy the entire time together,
• 55:47
  Speaker 6: and then you also had therapy on your own. I'm
• 55:50
  Speaker 6: sure you have grown a lot within those years, right?
• 55:55
  Speaker 6: And you've worked really hard to become who you are today, right?
• 55:59
  Speaker 6: And you have put a lot of time and effort,
• 56:02
  Speaker 6: a lot of prayer into becoming the best person you
• 56:05
  Speaker 6: can possibly be. So if 20-year-old you didn't deserve his abuse,
• 56:09
  Speaker 6: 30-year-old you didn't deserve his abuse, the you now who
• 56:15
  Speaker 6: have actually invested in yourself, in your spirituality, in who
• 56:19
  Speaker 6: you have become, you don't deserve that now either. And
• 56:23
  Speaker 6: how many years are you going to take before you
• 56:28
  Speaker 6: understand that your self-worth has risen? Yesterday's price isn't today's price.
• 56:33
  Speaker 6: So you don't have to pay that price when you
• 56:35
  Speaker 6: were younger and you didn't know better. You know damn
• 56:37
  Speaker 6: better now. You know that you are a grown ass
• 56:40
  Speaker 6: woman who has built a life that you would hope
• 56:43
  Speaker 6: that he would have been a part of, but he
• 56:45
  Speaker 6: has canceled himself out of it. He's probably not going
• 56:48
  Speaker 6: to couples therapy anymore because he's probably not even doing
• 56:51
  Speaker 6: his own therapy anymore. So you would know that. So
• 56:54
  Speaker 6: I think at this point, it's a matter of you
• 56:56
  Speaker 6: choosing you and understanding that you are important. And yes,
• 57:02
  Speaker 6: marriage is supposed to be forever. And yes, you can
• 57:05
  Speaker 6: love him. And, you know, he can have the best
• 57:08
  Speaker 6: intentions on being good to you and making flowers, etc.
• 57:12
  Speaker 6: But you got to put you first at this point.
• 57:14
  Speaker 6: And you have to understand that where the bleeding is
• 57:17
  Speaker 6: happening is from you. And so if you don't protect
• 57:20
  Speaker 6: yourself right now, then he is going to unravel everything
• 57:24
  Speaker 6: that you have done to become who you are today.
• 57:26
  Speaker 6: And you look like a beautiful woman who is very confident.
• 57:30
  Speaker 6: And I think that you'll look even better once you
• 57:33
  Speaker 6: relieve yourself of what's bleeding you out.
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: Interesting. I would say amen to that. Yeah. I think
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: that was really well said and very astute. Like I
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: didn't even think of half of those things. I just
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: am looking at the drain that this is causing you.
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: I could see it behind your eyes and that's all
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: I need to know for that. You know, like he's
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: draining you and 48 is an exciting age. I just
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: turned 50 a year ago and I'm fucking loving it.
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: It has been a whole new chapter and I didn't
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: get divorced. So imagine what could happen if you were
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: to actually get... Respect yourself in the way that Portia
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: is talking about. To really like, you've done all this
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: work and you spent all this time and you've invested
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: and this is the result. Yeah, he's out of a job.
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: He's down on his luck. That doesn't mean you're a
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: fair weather friend or a fair weather partner or a
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: fair weather... It just means... That's not what you signed
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: up for. No. In certain weather, you don't need to weather. Like,
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: tornadoes kill. Murphys kill. Okay? Fuck it. You can die
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: with bad weather, too. You ain't going to die for nobody. Yeah.
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: Like you got to have your back. Like I don't
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: like somebody taking money out of the retirement fund. I
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: don't like that behavior. That's shady shit. And if somebody's
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: at a low point while you can be sympathetic, you've
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: already shown your sympathy that it's enough. You've endured like
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: his emotional abuse.
• 59:01
  Speaker 2: Like that's not.
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: Okay on any level. And would you accept that treatment
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: for your sister or your daughter or your friend?
• 59:08
  Speaker 6: Hmm.
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: No, no, no.
• 59:11
  Speaker 5: Any of my friends who told me this, I would
• 59:13
  Speaker 5: be like, girl, you got to go. Your future is
• 59:16
  Speaker 5: at stake and you've done everything you can. He's taking
• 59:19
  Speaker 5: himself out of the equation with his behavior. Like I
• 59:22
  Speaker 5: agree with you. I just, I, it's so Hard because
• 59:26
  Speaker 5: there's so much good.
• 59:28
  Speaker 6: If you're looking at a TV show, I remember when
• 59:31
  Speaker 6: my mom told me this one time, she said, Portia,
• 59:33
  Speaker 6: if you were looking at a movie, what would you
• 59:36
  Speaker 6: be screaming at the screen to this character right now?
• 59:39
  Speaker 6: You will be telling her, get out of there. You know,
• 59:43
  Speaker 6: choose you. I did an interview earlier and I talked
• 59:46
  Speaker 6: about you can reinvent yourself. You have identified yourself as
• 59:51
  Speaker 6: the wife for so long and you have put that
• 59:54
  Speaker 6: as priority.
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: You are priority, okay?
• 59:58
  Speaker 6: You can reimagine your life. You can be a successful woman.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 6: You can actually enjoy your funds instead of having them
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 6: stolen from you. Look at that character and understand you're
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 6: the main character in your life. You get one life experience.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 6: Don't let him take this from you, especially into your
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 6: glory years. Sex is good in the 40s, am I not?
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: Sex is good in the 40s, okay? And in the 50s.
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 6: Don't let anybody take this away from you. This is
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 6: your golden moment. And it doesn't mean that you're abandoning him.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 6: You are just taking care of you first. You're putting
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 6: the thing on you first. Then you can help him
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 6: from afar. You can send him suggestions of financial people.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 6: You can send him to AA. You can even go
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 6: to AA with him if you want. But let him
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 6: do that on his own. I'm not saying get a
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 6: divorce because I can never say those words. to anyone
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 6: but whatever that looks like for you I think I
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 6: think you've got your answer.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: And also you know him refusing to go to couples
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: therapy is like that's a that's a deal breaker no
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: no if you're not willing to go to therapy then
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: there's no there's nothing to talk about yeah that's just
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: a deal breaker.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 2: What are you fixing Yeah.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 3: And not like looking for a job. Like he's not
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 3: a partner. He's being taken care of.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 3: And, you know, I know in our pre-interview call, you
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 3: and I talked a little bit about how you find
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 3: that you're always having to manage his moods and you
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 3: feel like it's your responsibility.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: And that's something I would.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 3: Encourage you to, you know, in addition to therapy, maybe
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 3: go to an Al-Anon meeting, which is for a family
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 3: of people who are alcoholics. So you can learn like
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 3: how to sort of disengage from his behavior and Because
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 3: you are not responsible for his mood.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 6: No, that's emotional abuse.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: It absolutely is.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 6: For you to scan him and you be responsible to
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 6: scan him and find whether he's upset today to change
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 6: or alter your mood or alter this, alter that. Girl,
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 6: your nervous system is probably a wreck. Your nervous system
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 6: is a wreck right now. And going into premenopause or
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 6: menopause to have a messed up system is very bad.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 6: Your cortisone levels is dangerous. I remember when I was
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 6: going through my divorce, I went to the doctor to
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 6: check all my levels. They said my cortisone levels were
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 6: dangerously high. Stress can kill you. So you're going to
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 6: start messing with the quality of your life. So just
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 6: think about that.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I do.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: I really want you to just take care of yourself.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: Like I'm just looking at you and like you have
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 1: a very bright future if you make the right choices. So, and,
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: and the whole thing about him being a good guy,
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: I'm sure he is a really good guy and you
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: can still be in his life if he's willing to
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: accept that, you know, you can still do all of
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: those things, but that's, you're not here to carry the
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: responsibility of somebody else. You're just not, you can choose
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: to do that or you can choose to live your
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: life to the fullest. You only get one life.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 6: And at the point where you have to file for
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 6: financial separation, when you're married, you're becoming one. And I'm
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 6: not saying the finances have to mesh, but I think
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 6: that's very powerful. Let's commend her first for doing that.
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 6: That's a huge step. So we commend you for taking
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 6: that step, but take another one. You're not done walking that.
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 3: And Portia might not tell you to get divorced, but
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 3: Chelsea and I Yeah, I'll tell her.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: I would say get divorced.
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 6: I would.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 4: I would.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: But everyone knows that already.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 3: Just based on a couple of the other things that
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 3: you told me on our call, I would encourage you
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 3: to look up, I believe it's hotline.org, but do some
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 3: Googling around domestic violence because some of what you're going
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 3: through does sort of qualify in that department. So I
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 3: would just do a little digging into that. And there's
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 3: a lot of gravity to your situation, and I want
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 3: you to, like, see that.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: It's not okay what he's doing to you.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 6: And also, one more thing before we go. We all
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 6: have some characteristics of narcissists, right? And we're not narcissists,
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 6: but you can have some of the traits. He's probably
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 6: a narcissist. Narcissistic abuse is one of the most deadly
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 6: abuses that you can go through. I've survived it twice.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 6: And you need to also bring that up with your
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 6: therapist so she can tell you the key components of
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 6: what a narcissist is and and put him in those frames,
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 6: and then you identify it, you name it. Oh, wow,
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 6: I was a victim of narcissistic abuse. Then you can
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 6: try to unravel yourself from it because there's a lot
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 6: of things that come with that. When you're leaving a narcissist,
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 6: they'll send flying monkeys, his sisters, his mom. Everyone's going
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 6: to try to call you. Everybody's trying to get you
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 6: back together. But it's textbook. So it's not just one
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 6: of those buzzwords that just came out of nowhere. It's
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 6: an actual psychological development thing, narcissism. So learn about it.
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 6: It helped me to learn about it, to be able
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 6: to get away from it and also heal from it.
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 6: That was, for me and my healing process, very powerful.
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 6: So I would suggest that too.
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 5: I've actually started to wonder about that. And there's a
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 5: podcast called Narcissist Apocalypse that I started to listen to
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 5: here and there to try to figure out, like, is
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 5: this really that broken? You know, like, is him stopping
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 5: therapy broken? a sign, you know, that he's, because he
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 5: keeps saying, but I'll be going back later. Right. But,
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 5: you know, so how much of it is truth and
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 5: how much of it is manipulation to just keep me
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 5: around paying the bills?
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 6: Not going to therapy is a part of him not
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 6: taking accountability. Narcissists don't like to take accountability. You know
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 6: what I mean? And then there's people who apologize all
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 6: the time. I often fall real prey to apology. You
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 6: tell me sorry, I'm like, okay. And my therapist recently said,
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 6: but apology... without change of action is where they lack
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 6: the impact of that apology. So you're just saying, I apologize.
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 6: There's just one thing, right? But the reason I'm still
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 6: being hurt over and over and over because the impact,
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 6: you're not actually changing that action. So there's nothing underneath
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 6: the apology. It's just surface level. And that's what he's
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 6: been doing. The impact isn't there because the work isn't
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 6: really being done and the change isn't really happening for you.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah. All right. Well, thank you.
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 5: And it meant a lot to me that like, Chelsea,
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 5: I feel like I've known you my whole life, but almost.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 5: Like when you said you can see my exhaustion in
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 5: my eyes and like, we've never met that, that says
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 5: a lot right there too.
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Like we, I just want every woman to know
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 1: that you have options. I mean, you have your whole,
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 1: you have your shit together. You have a life.
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 2: And she's got a good group of girlfriends too.
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: Great. And you have like, You know, I don't know
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 1: about this conversation you guys have before, but I mean,
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: she wouldn't say that unless it was true, Catherine. Yeah.
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: Like unless she was concerned. And so, yeah, like all
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: the signs are pointing in the same direction. Okay. And just,
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 1: you know. have faith in yourself and lean on your
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 1: girlfriends and have faith in yourself. And if you make
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: this decision, just, it's just, you can't do it anymore.
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: There's no negotiating, no compromising. I just can't do this anymore.
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: I can't do it anymore. So let's figure out a way,
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: you know, and if he's not cooperative, then you just
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 1: have to remove yourself, you know, from the situation and
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 1: take steps to just create the next 20 years of
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 1: your life so that you can have bliss and peace.
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 2: That's all I want is peace.
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 4: Like I'm too old for this shit.
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 5: No. Like we said in that movie, you know?
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 1: Yes. Yes. Yeah.
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 2: Okay, Tanya, will you keep us posted?
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: I really appreciate your time. Yeah, keep us posted.
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 5: You got this.
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 1: Of course. Yes. Call us anytime. All right.
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 2: Good luck, Tanya.
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 4: Bye. Thank you. Bye.
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 5: Bye.
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: Well, Portia, you really fucking knocked that out of the
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: fucking park. It's in my wheelhouse. That might have been
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: the best advice anybody's ever given on this broadcast. Really?
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: That was amazing. Wow. I was like, holy shit, you're
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: going to have to come back. I will come back.
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 1: You're going to have to be a recurring situation. Yeah,
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: we need you.
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 5: Really?
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 6: I always said, I said, I want to be a person.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 6: I'm like that for my friends, though. They come to
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 6: me and they ask me for advice and I can
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 6: give advice, but I don't take it all the time.
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, none of us do. But I get better
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: advice than I take. Oh, sorry. That was really good.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 1: I was really blown away. Wow.
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Thank you.
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 6: I hope she, I hope and I hope she receives it.
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: She will.
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 6: She may have to hear it a couple times. Some
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 6: of the things we said is going to align with
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 6: her girlfriends or her therapist. It's going to sound the
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 6: same and then it's going to hit her and she's
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 6: going to fucking make a move.
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 2: I think she just needed that extra little push.
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 4: Yep.
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 6: Well, she heard it from Chelsea, so now.
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 5: That's right.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: That's what my mom said.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 6: She was like, I've told you a million times, and
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 6: you wait until this person tells you.
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: So she was like, well, everybody's been telling her now.
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: You say it, and she's going to change. Yeah. Thank
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: you so much for being here today. I loved being here.
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 4: What fun.
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: I loved it. I loved it, too. Thank you for
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 1: having me. You're a delight. You're so fun. Thank you.
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 6: I love it. This was a great conversation. It was
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 6: like everywhere.
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: All over the house. Like in my mind. Yeah.
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 5: Thank you.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 2: Of iHeartMedia.
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 3: Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler and find
• 1:09:04
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• 1:09:08
  Speaker 3: engineered by Brandon Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. Find full
• 1:09:12
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• 1:09:16
  Speaker 3: to see Chelsea live at ChelseaHandler.com.