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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just -The Gift of Flaws: Finding Growth Through Grounded Humility 2.24.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  They were telling us yesterday, we were working yesterday about
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  keeping an humble low key perspective in our minds.
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  Number 1 was by convincing ourselves or realizing the fact
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  that every person one way or another who wants to feel maybe
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  arrogant or maybe on top of they happen to know that they're
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  flawed. Now, we usually like to promote
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  confidence and being very secure and feeling very good about
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  yourself, but at the same time, it's required for a person to
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  see and he has flaws one way or another and that keeps him
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  grounded. He says, you know, oh, oh, oh,
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  she's banana. A dumb person should realize
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  it's not really he doesn't really deserve all the respect
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  and the accolades given to him. Definitely not deserve to be
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  overpowering over other people. As if he's worth much more.
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  Is there a premise Sheikh Hassen Middleburger?
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  It was one way or another, he has some flaw.
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  We got a premise Sheikh Y Espiado A premise Sheikh Hassen
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  muno pursuit Ki eshala Adam bezem madrigal she.
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  Yeah. Marshall Mutt.
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  No matter who the person is, no matter how develop, even as a
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  good Jew that person is. It's impossible for a person,
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  Julia Boja Sonot Rabin not to have many flaws.
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  Any very accomplished great Jewish person has many flaws.
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  All meets a TiVo. Rather, because of his own
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  personal nature, just the way he carries himself, what he does.
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  All meets a Miss Parto Crova. Maybe if the flaws are not even
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  from himself. He has in his background family
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  member, one child, 1 sibling 1 uncle, something out there
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  that's a bit embarrassing and that's by design.
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  All meets a McClain Chicarulo. Or maybe something happened in
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  his past, something in his history, something happened
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  years and years ago that's also there.
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  Or Mitzan Masalov, maybe something he did.
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  Shadam and Sadiq Baharitz Ajiya said.
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  Tovolerta, There's no person for Sook and killer, Khalid says.
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  There's no person who's perfect in the world, who never makes a
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  mistake. It's impossible.
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  And why is that happening? That's by design.
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  The design is meant for all of us to feel somewhat so that we
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  can never look at a person and say to them and our minds at
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  least, that I'm better than you, I'm way greater than you, I
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  should be talking down to you. The mindset of talking down is
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  actually a very simple mindset which isn't really looking at
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  the full picture. Full picture.
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  I'm flawed. Your floor will all add some to
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  the floor. Not to destroy our confidence,
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  but rather take down our arrogance to take down this
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  frame of mind, which is I can look at people and carry this
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  term that uses hit na suit, which is a sort of overpowering
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  style. I can never be overpowering,
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  never be dominating in that way because there's something new to
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  me that's full. What does this do?
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  It keeps your mind a little bit more in control and therefore
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  keeps you low key. All right, ham call Ebla Mumim,
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  Adam. Every person's got a moon.
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  Shame. Manihima Malcolm it's not soot
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  clock that should not allow him to become an overpowering, over
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  controlling, overbearing person believing he knows everything
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  when there's something there that's flawed.
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  I feel a year bowed Malotta about.
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  He's a very gifted person. He's got a lot of quality.
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  About the same time he has a floor here and a floor there.
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  Keep fighting you now Cosantia, you have a Spiegel.
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  Now she come these floors take you down to earth.
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  That's the idea you said yesterday, that if people do not
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  allow themselves to be grounded, if people don't allow themselves
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  to be somewhat low key in the floating, they end up being in
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  their minds, hovering above others.
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  They're not relatable. They can't talk to people, they
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  can't connect. They can't even really be a
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  proper leader even though they see themselves as higher.
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  More than that's all leadership things you think?
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  No, a leader must be float. As you mentioned, Moshira Bano,
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  The Gemara tells us it relates to Moshira Bano, but it says
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  every leader has to have a kupa. So should have seen as had a box
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  of bugs dangling from his neck. That's the line of the gem.
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  A box of bugs. Yeah.
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  Has had something in his history.
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  It's very embarrassed. That's small, embarrassing.
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  Very embarrassing. For Moshira Banner.
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  One example is we married. We married another example was a
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  speech impediment, but another classic examples where he
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  married he married a woman from median wasn't from our people
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  from median and later on when people tried to make fun of him
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  and comment about him. They pointed to that they
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  pointed to the fact look at our leader.
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  He's our leader. He's marrying they call him
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  cushy. She's a black woman.
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  He said she's a Mediani woman. In other words, not from our
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  fault. Why do you think God a lot and
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  orchestrated and we should have been married such a woman so
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  that he has a little bit of a flaw.
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  Same is true with Aron's children saying a lot of things.
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  A lot of these areas of people who are great people,
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  unbelievably great people, but they still carried a major
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  embarrassing flaw so they can keep themselves grounded and the
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  first needs to realize as secure and confident as you are.
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  There's always an area in your background that's not the most
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  prideful really something and people like to be like to think
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  to themselves as if they have a pure background and a beautiful
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  background. I know people that come from the
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  best families and I think personally it's the worst thing
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  that ever happened to them is the fact that they came from
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  these pure, pure families because it's great to be from a
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  pure family, good parents, good upbringing, that's good.
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  But they start to read and believe that they came from that
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  family and because they came from that larger major community
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  family, whatever it may be, there's not to believe that they
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  represent something. You don't represent anything
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  unless you live up to it, right? And it's very difficult to live
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  up to it when you from a young age constantly believe I came
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  from that family, so I'm different.
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  It's good to have confidence and strive for it.
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  It's good to have even an ego, but it's not good to believe
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  that you came from that family. Therefore you are special.
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  What ends up happening to many, many people like that as you
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  notice that the children and grandchildren are basic at best.
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  They're not really pushing, they're not really leaders, No,
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  right? They don't carry those same
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  qualities that their grandparents created the name.
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  They're just living off the name and it doesn't really do them so
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  much good. Whereas a person whose name is
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  he pushes harder, he works harder to be involved in an
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  organization. He pushes, he trying to create a
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  name for his family. Why?
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  Because when he sees that he is flawed in his background, he
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  feels like he has to mold the name for himself.
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  So it actually does us a disservice.
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  And we come from these sort of perfect community families, the
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  originals, whatever they are. And it does actually something
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  good. And we have an area in our our
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  family that's a little bit not the biggest deal or maybe even a
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  job embarrassing. Something happened years ago
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  that actually does as well. That's these times you want it
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  because it keeps you humble and therefore keeps you hungry and
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  it keeps you low key and down to earth.
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  Whereas a person allows himself to elevate himself, start, you
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  know, raising himself above the other people because of his
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  qualities. He looks down on people, he
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  talks down to people, he can't relate to them, he can't be a
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  part of them because he sees himself as if he's a different
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  existence and different species. In there is how far it goes.
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  But a conceited person definitely is an arrogant
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  person. Conceited person comes from this
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  mindset. They have to carry within our
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  minds at all times the sense of humility and even the sense of
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  embarrassment. It's good for you.
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  It's good for you to be embarrassed about something that
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  you're flawed about something that was flawed.
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  Some cousin, some aunt, some uncle, or does it relate to me?
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  Why is it my fault? Why do I have to be connected to
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  them? Because it keeps you somewhat
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  grand. And he says, for example, one of
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  the great areas that people get arrogant isn't their wisdom and
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  they should see their flaws in their wisdom as well.
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  They're very smart, they're very gifted if they're extremely
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  intelligent and they start to believe that they're above
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  others and they start to action every conversation start to
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  think that they know the answers because they have a higher, you
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  know, a greater average, greater grade went to better schools.
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  They know they know better. And that mindset, if you allow
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  it to build, it's a very dangerous mindset.
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  And there in that area, a person needs to see themselves as fluid
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  and say to himself, as much as I know, as much as I really am
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  very experienced in this area, and I therefore know the
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  answers, I don't consider my own makeup to help me know the
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  answers. It was my rabbis, my teachers,
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  the people who really started the company before me.
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  Those people gave me that wisdom.
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  And the more you associate your intellect to outside sources,
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  the more you keep your wisdom grounded.
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  And you don't want to allow yourself to think that I know
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  everything. The better you are for that you
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  are when it comes to your wisdom as well.
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  The exact same idea. 1 needs to keep himself embarrassed, keep
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  himself flawed, find his blemishes in an area and that
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  gets him going and that gets him developing.
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  And it doesn't allow him to talk down to people.
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  When do you lose people? When you start talking down to
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  him? When do you lose the ability to
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  have conversations and be part of a team and be relatable and
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  be normal? When you start to think you know
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  the answers every time, What happens?
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  As you notice in those conversations, you don't give
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  the other people a chance to talk.
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  You don't have an opening to hear their point.
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  You're not even interested in the facts.
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  You're just talking. And you end up becoming the only
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  person in every conversation because you're so smart.
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  I will not not even being facetious because you're so
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  intelligent, because you have so much experience.
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  You start to talk, talk, talk, and you don't give other people
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  a chance. Sounds like lecturers.
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  Yeah. And why is that the case?
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  Because they believe they know. And how does that come?
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  It comes from a gift. The gift becomes the greatest
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  flaw. And the floor would have been
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  the greatest gift. That flaw that you have, if you
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  sit and learn, let's say Gemara for a second and you admit the
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  fact he never let this Gemara before, how you going to know
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  you never got to. And so you're asking questions.
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  You're waiting for the other person in the class to talk to
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  'cause you're not even willing to open up your mouth because
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  you're embarrassed. Are you use a shame so myself
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  exactly. I won't say a word, but the
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  point is, is that whatever it is, you're sitting and learning
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  and you know you that you don't know a certain topic.
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  You're more hungry, you're more open and you're actually are the
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  one who's going to pull out the most from this conversation.
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  Whereas the other guy who knows 70% but is talking like you know
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  it's 100%. He's not willing to notice his
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  flaws. That individual, he will learn
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  nothing new. All he's going to learn is what
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  he already knew, that he's speaking out.
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  That person very nice. You knew a lot.
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  Very nice. You can talk, but you're not
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  allowing yourself to be somewhat flawed.
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  And because you're not letting yourself be flawed, you're not
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  allowing yourself to hear. See if it worse, Rabbi, when
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  somebody who doesn't know what they're talking about talks.
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  Yeah, but that person correct. But that person doesn't know
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  what he's talking about. He talks, but he's talking based
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  on that 20 thirty, 40% and he believes is the entire knowledge
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  necessary and he's just used that didn't allow for any
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  humility, didn't allow for noticing any flaws, doesn't
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  realize all the other areas of this conversation that he has no
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  clue about. He doesn't know about this part
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  of the work or that part of the work or that area that you
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  happen to know about. He doesn't know them himself.
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  And he just talks and he talks and he's convincing and he's,
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  he's convinced and he's definite and knows exactly what he's
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  saying. And there's so many gaps.
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  And all he needed to do was be available and willing to say, I
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  really never had any experience in that area or in that area.
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  He thinks he can do himself in all he's going to do for himself
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  is make himself stronger 'cause he's combined the wisdom that he
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  already has with the wisdom that's coming in from outside
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  and he'll be a far smarter person.
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  People think the humility. People think that being, you
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  know, listen, being a listen, here it is on a weakness.
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  It's a sign that I don't really know what I'm talking about and
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  I have to hear from other people.
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  I got to take their advice. I have to take their ideas.
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  I can't just go on my ideas. The smartest thing you can do
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  for yourself is be open to ideas.
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  You get not just your own strength, you get other people's
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  strength as well. Why would it hurt to hear other
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  ideas? How is it going to weaken me in
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  my own business if I'm willing to hear from other people that
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  can hurt me? In fact, I'm not.
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  I'm going to have the fuel of my own ideas plus the fuel of
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  theirs. I don't need that much stronger
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  and I'll be gifted. Whereas if I just talk, talk,
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  talk. I don't let anyone else speak
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  because I believe I know because I happen to notice some of the
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  material and I'm not even allowing my eyes to see the area
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  that I don't know. So what do you end up with?
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  The exact same spot that you started with plus the convincing
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  with no one else to help you. That's what you end up with.
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  You end up with no additional facts, no additional strength,
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  no additional colleagues, no additional friends, no
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  additional wisdom. There's nothing more.
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  Whereas a person who's willing to see the flow, who's willing
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  to see the weakness, he's let's say I have a blemish, I have an
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  area that I have a moon. I am not the be all end all.
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  And by the way, if I were at 30 something years old, then why go
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  on? So we'll see you there.
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  Until you're allowed to read stuff that are questionable, in
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  that case, questionable. No, but you're allowed to.
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  That's, that's dangerous. It's a different conversation.
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  But you're allowed to read stuff and you have to find stuff that
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  you don't know. And you can't just be a person
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  who just tries to tell himself. There are many people out there
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  in there learning who only will learn things that they're
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  comfortable with because they know those areas already.
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  They can't stomach and they can't accept the fact that they
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  have certain areas they're very knowledgeable and great and
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  certain areas they have no knowledge in.
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  It can't. It can't handle that because
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  that truth makes them feel small, but that truth will make
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  you smarter, Sir. Whereas if all you do is repeat
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  what you ever, what you learned, all you got to do is remain the
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  same person. Maybe you'll strengthen it and
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  maybe you'll, you know, make it stronger in that area, but you
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  will not allow yourself to be fully well-rounded and be fully
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  intelligent. And the same thing is true on
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  life and business and family. If someone gives you a parenting
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  tip and you're not willing to hear it because you believe you
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  know how to raise children, I did it already.
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  I know what I'm doing. Very nice.
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  Good for you. But you're not going to get
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  additional strengths. You're not going to have that
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  well-rounded element. Same as true.
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  As a rabbi, if someone gives me advice, I'm no one not willing
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  to hear it because I want to believe everything I've done is
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  perfect and all I'll do is remain the same parent, rabbi,
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  husband and all these areas. It's OK to accept the fact that
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  you're extremely gifted and you know a lot.
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  No one's taking that away from you.
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  But at the same time, there's more to go and every area you
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  want to learn. He said to you, yeah, they sure
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  do can. Every year we want to learn.
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  What's that, son? Your wife will teach that to
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  you. It's true.
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  Area. Area of your life.
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  The student is the best person. The more you're a student, the
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  better you are as a rabbi. I'm a student of the game
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  players, sports players who are students, and they still want to
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  know more. They want to get a better shot.
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  They want to get the gym. They want to get into the gym
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  more. They want to find out more ideas
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  those guys develop and they get a better swing even later on in
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  their career. And they are able to brace for
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  all the time they're able to deal with changes to the game
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  because they're students, people in business who know a certain
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  line of work very well as they father trained them.
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  But you know what? Work keeps changing, constantly
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  changes, the workforce keeps changing, and if you're a
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  learner, you're going to use your base and move along with
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  it. But if you're just a person
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  who's stuck in this, grounded right here and you're staying
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  right here in this zone, then right now you're rolling.
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  Maybe, but in two years from now, how will you adapt?
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  You'll be completely blindsided. But if you're constantly
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  learning, you're better off. That's the ability of saying to
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  yourself on flawed. The more you send your flawed,
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  the more you see your gaps is the more you're going to grow.
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  You only push yourself to expand in the areas you do not yet
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  accomplish, but the areas you already accomplished, you can't
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  expand. And overall, there will be flaws
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  you can't even handle and address.
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  And these are family flaws and history flaws.
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  Those are the kind that you can't expand in those areas you
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  can't learn. That's not the point.
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  But rather they're just going to stick with us.
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  And they're there by design to keep us literally down down
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  there, held to the ground. We're held to the ground by our
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  past, by our embarrassing moments, by our uncle and aunt
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  and cousin that this is a foolish They're there by design,
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  by God to keep us humble. That's an overall humility.
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  That's not just a learning immunity.
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  That's an overall one, which is the best thing that can ever
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  happen to you because it makes you who you are and makes you
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  retain the basic regular character you always had.
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  All right, what's up with this?