Latest / Impact Ready / 103. Stop Playing Small

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103. Stop Playing Small · Impact Ready

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  Welcome to Impact Ready, a show dedicated to helping you elevate
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  your impact in the world. I'm Steph Safra, your host.
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  Let's explore the power of showing up with intention and
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  energy each day. This is for those who seek to
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  make life truly meaningful. Get ready for impact.
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  Hey team. Thanks for being here today.
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  In this episode, we are going to talk about a story and a common
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  theme that has come up before in the Impact Rating Podcast.
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  We've done episodes on this before, but it's been surfacing
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  again lately with my coaching clients quite often.
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  And because it's such a common theme, I think it deserves a
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  little more attention right now in the world, especially during
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  a time where there seems to be a lot of discontent with the world
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  at large. And a lot of people are saying
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  that they're struggling with their mental health and feeling
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  a little discouraged in general. What we're talking about today
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  is this idea of playing small in your life.
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  The first time I ever thought about this idea of playing small
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  was when I was in my late 20s. I just graduated from my
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  master's program and I was, I was at a self development
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  conference during a time in my life where I was probably the
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  most lost and feeling the most stuck that I'd ever been.
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  And at this conference, one of the speakers was talking about
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  taking action and stepping into your power.
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  And at one point he made direct eye contact with me and asked
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  the question to the crowd, where are you playing small in your
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  life? And the reason this shook me up
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  so much is not just because he seemed to be directly staring
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  into my soul, but because at this point in my life, I was
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  playing small in dozens of ways. I had just finished three years
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  of year round intensive Graduate School.
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  I'd just taken 6 board exams. I was trying to start a clinical
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  practice. I was trying to move out of my
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  parents house and be an adult. I was struggling financially.
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  I was just feeling really lost and honestly pretty depressed.
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  I wasn't taking great care of myself.
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  I did not have my health habits dialed in.
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  I wasn't sleeping. I overall was just struggling.
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  But the way that I felt I was playing small the most was the
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  fact that internally I was blaming a lot of my
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  circumstances on external things.
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  I wasn't taking ownership of my life.
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  I was very much feeling like a victim to things, even though on
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  the outside I made it look like I had it all together.
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  And for some reason this phrase, Where are you playing small in
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  your life? It deeply resonated with me in
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  that moment. It struck a nerve of the very
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  powerful chord. And as a result of that
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  conference, in that moment, having that insight that I was
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  playing small in so many different ways, I started to
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  make changes and shift things in my world so that I was working
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  towards becoming the real version of myself.
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  A much bigger, more powerful version of myself that I knew I
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  could be, but I just wasn't stepping into it for so many
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  different reasons. And this sentiment comes up with
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  clients so often. The truth is, the idea of
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  playing small in your life, it has to do with a couple of
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  different things. First, it has to do with
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  potential. It really strikes the chord of
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  living up to your potential. We all know that we have the
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  potential to do incredible things, to have incredible
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  impact, but there's so much stuff that holds us back.
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  The other thing is the fact that many of us live with so much
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  fear, and the fear is running the show.
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  For every person that I coach on this particular theme, the idea
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  of playing small shows up differently.
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  Recently, I had a client who said he didn't feel deserving of
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  feeling good in his life, especially in comparison to some
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  other people in his life who weren't faring as well.
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  And we're dealing with really difficult circumstances.
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  Another client shared that she was feeling really overwhelmed
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  in her business with the amount of tasks and work that she
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  needed to do, and she was feeling paralyzed about how to
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  really get into effective action so that she was moving the
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  needle and finishing projects and such.
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  For both of these clients, we got into this conversation about
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  the idea of playing small in your life.
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  Because at the heart of playing small lies all the limiting
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  beliefs that we that we hold to be true about ourselves and all
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  the saboteurs, all those negative stories that orbit our
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  being and all the fear that exists and runs in the
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  background. And it does look different for
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  everybody because it does depend on the person and what limiting
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  beliefs they hold to be true about themselves.
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  Sometimes there's limiting beliefs around money.
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  Sometimes it's about failure. Sometimes it's about worthiness
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  or being liked. Sometimes it's old patterns that
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  are trying to keep us safe. Sometimes people have just
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  forgotten how powerful they are and how amazing they are, and
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  they truly don't feel like they could play any bigger.
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  But in the majority of the situations where we play small
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  in our lives, the root feeling underneath it all is fear.
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  It's it's that old guy again. It's almost always fear.
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  And when fear runs the show, we don't take the risks that we
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  need to take. We don't put ourselves out
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  there. We don't have the hard
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  conversations or take action on the things that we know will
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  help us get to our goals. We don't do it, team.
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  We don't. We just wait around and we
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  convince. Ourselves that there's.
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  1,000,000 Reasons why we can't do the thing we want to do, but
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  it keeps US playing small. And the thing that sucks about
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  that is that when we're playing small, we can feel it and it
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  feels really uncomfortable. When you have potential that is
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  unrealized, it becomes pain, man.
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  Just just hearing the phrase you're playing small in your
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  life, that brings up a feeling for me that makes me tense up.
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  I don't know if you feel that in you, but I feel constricted when
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  I hear that phrase because I don't like the idea that I
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  wouldn't be showing up in a big way in my own life.
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  We as humans want the expansion. We want growth.
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  We want progress and novelty and newness.
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  We don't want stagnation and stuckness.
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  And so in these conversations, we almost always come around to
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  the question, well, what do we do about it?
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  How do we shift from playing small to taking up more space or
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  playing a little bit bigger? And for me, I always think about
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  this question and this is an incredible level setting
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  question that I ask myself. I say, Steph, where are you
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  playing small right now? I almost always know the answer.
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  By the way, when I ask this question, I think we seem to
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  have an intuition about where our potential lies and where we
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  are not stepping into it. So just asking that question is
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  often so revealing. I also find it really powerful
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  to ask myself the follow up question, what would it look
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  like to play big right now? Because guess what?
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  We also have an intuition about what it would look like to take
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  up more space or show up with more confidence or really like
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  knock one out of the park. I can feel both of those
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  questions in my body. Where are you playing small?
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  There's the constriction and the stuckness.
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  And then asking what would it look like to play big right now?
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  That's when I can start to feel some spaciousness and expansion
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  and truthfully, excitement to think about the possibility and
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  the potential there. Just a little bit of curiosity.
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  When you allow it in, it can change the whole game.
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  When you challenge your own beliefs about something, it
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  creates space for new ideas to come in.
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  When you challenge your limiting beliefs that you can't do
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  something or take a risk or accomplish something, you start
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  to create new ideas in your brain about what could be
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  possible. That's the expansion.
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  That's how you start to play a little bigger.
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  It's similar to this idea that I was referencing a couple weeks
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  ago in a podcast when I shared that my coach had challenged me
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  to ask myself this question. What would it look like if this
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  were easy right now? She gave me that challenge.
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  It's probably a month ago. What would it look like if this
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  were easy right now? Because of what I'm going
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  through in my life, there's so much expectation that there's
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  all this hard, that everything is going to be hard.
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  And she challenged me to think of it differently, invited a new
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  perspective in. And this question alone
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  challenges the idea that things have to be hard or tedious or
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  difficult. Just asking the question creates
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  curiosity, and it then allows more space for new ideas to come
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  in. Now, sometimes in conversations
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  about this, there's something funny that can happen.
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  I've had some clients try to talk me out of this idea, try to
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  talk me out of the idea of taking up space and playing
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  bigger. They sort of associate it as a
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  negative thing. We sometimes associate taking up
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  space or playing big with being loud or burdensome or intrusive.
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  Hell no, team, That's not what this is about.
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  That's some BS resistance and limiting beliefs that's showing
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  up in disguise, the disguise of what's more proper or what's
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  more acceptable. But that's not what this is
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  about. When I'm talking about with
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  taking up space and playing a little bigger, I'm talking about
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  sharing your gifts with the world and stepping into your
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  full power so that you can shine.
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  You got to light this place up with your energy and your spirit
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  and your gifts. And when you play small, you
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  just dampen all of that. And frankly, that's a really low
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  frequency place to be. That's not comfortable.
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  People aren't drawn to those in the world who are dampening
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  their gifts and existing at low frequency.
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  It's not inspiring. It's not attractive
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  energetically. No, people want to be around
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  other people who have great energy, who vibrate at a high
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  frequency, who light up a room when they walk into it.
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  You might describe them as magnetic or good energy or good
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  vibes, whatever it might be. But that's what I mean when I
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  say taking up space and playing bigger.
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  It can also be about believing in yourself.
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  It can be about taking bold action.
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  It can be about having hard conversations so that you can
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  get rid of conflict in your life.
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  It can be about setting boundaries so that you eliminate
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  chaos and frenetic energy from other people.
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  It can simply be about claiming what you want.
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  It can be about taking ownership of your life, taking ownership
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  of your circumstances, and personal responsibility for
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  everything that is in your sphere.
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  All of those examples are ways that you can play bigger.
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  It doesn't always equate to being loud or the biggest energy
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  in the room. Sometimes playing bigger just
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  means you are stepping into a more powerful, impactful version
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  of yourself. And that's what I want for you.
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  That's what I want for every single person listening, every
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  person that I coach with, every patient that I work with.
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  I want them to feel like they are living into their biggest
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  potential because that is what we are born into this earth to
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  do. So my challenge to you this week
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  is to ask yourself, where am I playing small in my life right
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  now and what would it look like if I played bigger today?
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  What would it look like if I played big in this circumstance
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  right now that I have deemed difficult?
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  And play around with it. See what opens up for you.
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  I guarantee spaciousness and expansion is coming for you and
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  that's a really incredible feeling.
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  So I hope that this spread on some insights for you.
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  I know I'm getting passionate about this stuff, but I am
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  passionate about it. I really want you to feel like
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  you are the most powerful version of you.
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  And sometimes we have to look at our life and say, where am I
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  playing small? I still do it and I still find
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  little areas where I'm holding back on a day-to-day basis.
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  And that's OK. That's part of being a human.
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  But the more we can work on it, the more we can step into the
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  most authentic version of ourselves.
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  Man, that is a powerful place to be.
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  So thank you for being here and for listening.
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  And as always, team, thank you for being ready to impact.
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  Thanks for listening to Impact Ready.
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  I hope today's episode inspired you to own your impact and
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  recognize. That you.
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  Are powerful by elevating our energy and awareness.
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  We can create. Exponential change in this life.
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  If you enjoyed today's insights, share them with a friend and
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  subscribe. To the show for more I.
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  Truly appreciate you. Thanks again for being here.