Latest / Planning Out Loud: A Wedding Planning Podcast / 1. "The Wedding Is the Enemy": Surviving Wedding Planning w/ Adri & Meghan

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1. "The Wedding Is the Enemy": Surviving Wedding Planning w/ Adri & Meghan · Planning Out Loud: A Wedding Planning Podcast

• 0:04
  Kristy Silva: Hello everyone and welcome to the Planning Out Loud Podcast.
• 0:06
  Kristy Silva: I'm Kristy, your host and friendly neighborhood wedding planner.
• 0:09
  Kristy Silva: And on today's episode, I talk to the wonderful, kind, funny newlyweds, Meghan, she hers, and Adri, they, them, about their autumnal 113-person wedding at Show alter's Orchard and Greenhouse in Timberville, Virginia, nestled in the beautiful Shenandoah Valley, truly just a gorgeous venue.
• 0:28
  Kristy Silva: And I loved this conversation.
• 0:30
  Kristy Silva: Meghan and Adri both share some really honest and vulnerable insights into their wedding plan experience.
• 0:35
  Kristy Silva: We talk about how isolating wedding planning can feel, about the importance of queer joy in giving people a reason to gather and celebrate together.
• 0:43
  Kristy Silva: We talk about the pressure on couples, especially brides, from social media.
• 0:48
  Kristy Silva: And we talk about how to stay grounded through the stress of it all.
• 0:51
  Kristy Silva: So without further ado, let's jump right in.
• 0:54
  Kristy Silva: The first thing that I definitely want to dive into is your venue choice, particularly because I got the pleasure of working with you from the very beginning, including the venue hunt.
• 1:14
  Kristy Silva: And you were mostly, if I remember correctly, looking near like Charlottesville, and it was a lot of like vineyards and farms and kind of larger properties.
• 1:24
  Kristy Silva: And you don't live in Charlottesville.
• 1:27
  Kristy Silva: Um, so why not DC like what made you want to get out of the city and venture into Virginia?
• 1:35
  Meghan: Yeah, so the story is I'm originally from North Carolina, and growing up, um, I went to Asheville, North Carolina a lot with my family, and I absolutely love the mountains.
• 1:45
  Meghan: And I I really wanted to get married in Asheville.
• 1:48
  Meghan: I found my like dream venue and I was like, we're gonna do this, it's gonna be great.
• 1:52
  Meghan: And then when it came time to actually start planning, I realized that one, my dream venue had a $40,000 food and beverage minimum.
• 2:00
  Meghan: So that was not happening.
• 2:02
  Meghan: And then also to get to Asheville from here is like seven hours.
• 2:09
  Meghan: Seven to eight hours, which would have been crazy.
• 2:12
  Meghan: Um, so then we started looking around and I really wanted that like mountain view, mountain venue.
• 2:18
  Meghan: So we started looking at Shenandoah, which is actually where we got engaged, where Adri proposed to me.
• 2:23
  Meghan: So there was that personal connection, and then yeah, just kind of wanting that mountain view.
• 2:31
  Adri: Yeah, I think we really prioritized the I guess the aesthetic that we were both looking for.
• 2:39
  Adri: Both of us uh love the mountains separately, so it was something that we kind of agreed on in the first place.
• 2:46
  Adri: We didn't want like a wedding in the city.
• 2:49
  Adri: To be fair, a lot of venues in DC and like Montgomery County, Maryland can also be pretty expensive.
• 2:55
  Adri: So we were thinking about that from that perspective as well, and then also something that we kind of joked about with choosing a venue in Shenandoah in objectively the middle of nowhere in a small town called Timberville that's like closest to LaRay, but even LaRay, people don't really know about it unless you're from me.
• 3:15
  Adri: Yeah, we were like, well, the good thing is it's inconvenient for us, and it's also inconvenient for everybody else.
• 3:22
  Adri: We are no favoritism, we are not favoring any side of the family.
• 3:28
  Adri: Meghan's family is coming in from North Carolina, my family is coming in from Maryland, it's approximately the same amount of time each way.
• 3:38
  Adri: So that was kind of another thing we were thinking about is like we obviously want to include everybody that we care about, and so we were kind of like in a bit of a joking way, well, like we are also suffering in this drive.
• 3:54
  Kristy Silva: Then you did end up choosing Show alter's, which has like Airbnbs on the property that like you were able to stay in and your like wedding party and family.
• 4:04
  Kristy Silva: So why like why was that important to you to be able to have everybody like together?
• 4:09
  Kristy Silva: Because I know that was something else we talked about like during this.
• 4:11
  Kristy Silva: Oh, we'd love for people to be able to stay near each other or like on the property, and that was something that Showalter's offered.
• 4:17
  Meghan: Definitely.
• 4:18
  Meghan: I mean, um, part of it, well, Showalter's at the time, they might have done renovations since then.
• 4:24
  Meghan: I don't know, it was two years ago.
• 4:26
  Meghan: Two years ago.
• 4:27
  Meghan: Two years ago.
• 4:28
  Meghan: Uh-huh.
• 4:28
  Meghan: But at the time, the like getting ready space they had was more of like a dressing room instead of like a full, like not enough space to get all our people in for hair and makeup.
• 4:36
  Meghan: And since we had a total of fourteen?
• 4:40
  Adri: It was six moments.
• 4:42
  Adri: Yeah.
• 4:43
  Adri: So six.
• 4:44
  Meghan: Like a bunch of people doing hair and makeup and in our wedding parties.
• 4:46
  Meghan: So we just need knew we needed more space.
• 4:48
  Meghan: And we booked, there were three Airbnbs on the property, and we booked all well, all three our people ended up booking all of them.
• 4:57
  Meghan: And it was important to for us each to have our individual, like kind of getting ready spaces.
• 5:02
  Meghan: And then I also personally wanted a space that we were staying in where none of the wedding stuff was happening because I have a lot of anxiety.
• 5:09
  Meghan: I get like kind of overstimulated pretty easily with ADHD.
• 5:12
  Meghan: So I wanted that like space for myself if I ended up needing it to just be alone because weddings are so hectic.
• 5:20
  Meghan: So that was extremely hectic.
• 5:31
  Meghan: So I did step away a little bit like earlier in the day just to have some time where it was quiet, it was just me.
• 5:37
  Meghan: Yeah, I think that was important to me.
• 5:41
  Adri: Yeah, I would agree.
• 5:42
  Adri: I also think that I was coming at it also from the perspective of like for me personally, how far did I want to travel at the end of the day?
• 5:50
  Adri: Wedding her injured, I think like the total time between when the wedding officially ended, when we started to when we ended was like 15 to 16 hours.
• 6:03
  Adri: And I'm like, that's a really long day, and I don't want to have to drive anywhere after that.
• 6:09
  Adri: So us having a space on the property was really great.
• 6:13
  Adri: Um, and then it was also nice because like our old roommate and like one of our closest friends stayed in the one of the BMBs on the property, and then my sister and brother stayed in the other one.
• 6:24
  Adri: So we had people that we trusted and cared about close to us, and then our other party members were either in the hotel block that we booked, which was only probably like 30 minutes away, or in various other various Airbnbs in the area.
• 6:39
  Adri: So we were able to have everyone relatively close by.
• 6:42
  Adri: So if we needed to call on somebody for help, um, they could get there in like a fairly short span of time, which was nice.
• 6:51
  Meghan: Yeah, and what also ended up being great with having the Airbnb booked, we booked the one that we were personally staying in for an extra night.
• 6:58
  Meghan: So our wedding was the Saturday, we booked it Saturday night, and then also Sunday night, so we didn't have to leave for our honeymoon until Monday morning, and that also ended up being super, super helpful because I think we had to get all of our stuff.
• 7:13
  Adri: We had to put everything out Sunday by 11.
• 7:16
  Adri: Yeah, by 11.
• 7:17
  Adri: Although they were really nice, and we probably had like another 30 minutes to an hour.
• 7:22
  Meghan: Yeah, they were like pushing us.
• 7:24
  Adri: Get out, we're really, really sweet, nothing but good things to say.
• 7:27
  Adri: But then we got like that night, that evening dayslash evening to just like fully rest and decompress after a full weekend of things, so it also didn't feel like we were rushing out to get to our honeymoon because we both wanted that to be like just low stress because the wedding planning and everything on top, everything before that was already stressful.
• 7:49
  Meghan: So, but we also had some additional time to like figure out what was going with who, like, we had a ton of like food left over, both from the wedding itself and the rehearsal dinner.
• 7:57
  Meghan: We were like giving random things to random people.
• 8:00
  Meghan: I definitely think having that extra time and space was really helpful.
• 8:04
  Meghan: Yeah, I agree.
• 8:06
  Kristy Silva: Yeah, that extra day is clutch.
• 8:08
  Kristy Silva: I think people like underestimate like how much you want it, like you're like, oh, the next day, like we'll be like really tired.
• 8:15
  Kristy Silva: And like I said, usually there's still a lot of things to figure out as far as especially when you're not going back home, yeah.
• 8:21
  Kristy Silva: Like which you didn't do.
• 8:23
  Kristy Silva: And honestly, even for weddings where it's more local, we still often see people get like a hotel or something just a bit closer to the venue, and just as a way to kind of separate themselves from like their house and uh be ready for the wedding, but having to like check out by 11 a.m.
• 8:40
  Kristy Silva: the next day is not not not fun when you want to sleep in until like 10.
• 8:45
  Kristy Silva: Yeah, and right before you have an hour.
• 8:48
  Meghan: Right before our wedding, um, we had helped out with uh Adri's uh one of Adri's best friends and also part of their wedding party, cricket.
• 8:56
  Meghan: We helped out with her wedding, and they had an Airbnb that they had to get out of by 10 a.m.
• 9:02
  Meghan: the next morning, and like all of the groomsmen were still sleeping, and we were you were packing up and I was packing up.
• 9:10
  Adri: They got they all woke up and then packed up this the front, like the top portion.
• 9:16
  Adri: But me and my other best friend, we were part of Cricket's party, and then my best friend's husband, we all went and were like packing things, and I think it was just like looking back on it, I don't think that we would have feasibly been able to get stuff out of the venue and get stuff out of the Airbnb by the time we'd have to check out, it just wouldn't be possible.
• 9:40
  Adri: And to be fair, we woke up early that day because we're early risers in the first place.
• 9:44
  Adri: Well, early risers in the first place.
• 9:46
  Adri: We are awake by seven, we don't want to be, yeah.
• 9:49
  Meghan: So, like, definitely the being strategic, I think, would be the best word around like how we use the space was like yeah, and that's also like not to I like I read every single contract I signed all the way through, and you were very helpful in noting like payment deadlines and different things like that.
• 10:11
  Meghan: But those little details, like what time you have to be out the next morning, I was just helping who's planning her wedding, like looking at the venue contract and being like, you have to be out by 10 a.m.
• 10:21
  Meghan: Like that'll probably be fine.
• 10:23
  Meghan: You just have to be very aware of it.
• 10:24
  Meghan: And if like everyone's planning to get drunk and is gonna be hungover, that can be an issue.
• 10:30
  Meghan: So it's really important to notice that those like logistical details that like when you're signing a contract, it's like, oh yeah, that'll be fine.
• 10:37
  Adri: And then when it comes to the day of the wedding, you're like, oh, it's not fine.
• 10:40
  Adri: Yeah.
• 10:41
  Kristy Silva: Yeah.
• 10:42
  Kristy Silva: Yeah.
• 10:43
  Kristy Silva: We also see a lot of like the oh, we'll figure that out later, which is fine.
• 10:46
  Kristy Silva: I mean, like you can figure it out later, but what often happens is like especially you know, with if you don't have like full planning, right?
• 10:54
  Kristy Silva: So like I I was able to support like y'all through out planning and answer questions and things like that you have, but I think especially when we have folks who like just book us for coordination and then we're stepping in three months out and we're like reviewing everything they booked.
• 11:06
  Kristy Silva: Like, did you realize that like your DJ contract ends an hour before your wedding is over?
• 11:10
  Kristy Silva: Because we would figure that out later and we would extend it if we needed to.
• 11:14
  Kristy Silva: But then you forget, there's a lot of moving pieces.
• 11:16
  Kristy Silva: I I think it's the last month before the wedding.
• 11:19
  Meghan: I feel like I just like blacked out kind of and like any single problem.
• 11:23
  Meghan: I remember our caterer uh reached out to us asking about they asked us to provide recipes for the cocktails.
• 11:31
  Adri: Yeah, it was about the cocktails.
• 11:32
  Meghan: It was a little, it was a little odd.
• 11:34
  Meghan: I was like, okay.
• 11:35
  Meghan: And they were like, we had originally talked about them providing garnishes for cocktails, and then I think there was a bit of immune miscommunication where they weren't aware of that, and then they were like, Oh, it'll be an extra like $300 or something.
• 11:50
  Meghan: And I was like, you know what, do it.
• 11:51
  Meghan: I don't want to care.
• 11:52
  Meghan: I don't want to go pick up lemons the night before my wedding.
• 11:55
  Meghan: So we're not gonna go to church.
• 11:56
  Meghan: That's not gonna happen.
• 11:57
  Meghan: I will pay the $300 for someone else to go pick up lemons.
• 12:01
  Meghan: And a big jar of cherries.
• 12:04
  Meghan: Yeah.
• 12:06
  Kristy Silva: Yeah.
• 12:06
  Kristy Silva: I'll say a lot of wedding costs like that are like the cost of convenience, where it I think that becomes more and more valuable the closer it gets.
• 12:14
  Kristy Silva: Yeah, I remember I decided maybe a year out you're like, I'm not paying $300 for garnishes, but then it gets closer and you're like, oh, I don't want to do it.
• 12:21
  Meghan: So no, I decided pretty last minute that I wanted to wear a veil.
• 12:25
  Meghan: Like I had originally been like, oh, I'm not gonna wear a veil, I'm not that kind of bride.
• 12:28
  Meghan: And then like last minute, I think I was looking at like Pinterest pictures or something, and I was like, oh, I want a veil.
• 12:33
  Meghan: So then I bought two three.
• 12:36
  Meghan: Oh, yeah, I did buy three.
• 12:38
  Meghan: Two like longer veils and then one little birdcage fascinating type of veil.
• 12:43
  Meghan: And I bought the two longer ones like way last minute off of Etsy internationally.
• 12:48
  Meghan: So I think I paid like a hundred dollars for each veil for like rush shipping.
• 12:54
  Meghan: I don't think you told me this.
• 12:56
  Meghan: I definitely told you this.
• 12:57
  Meghan: Okay, because I was like uh I don't know.
• 13:00
  Meghan: Yeah, those are kind of the kind of things where it's like towards the end, I was just like, take my credit card.
• 13:05
  Meghan: I'm just I anything that I don't have to think about is worth the money.
• 13:10
  Meghan: It's worth the money, yeah.
• 13:12
  Kristy Silva: That's real.
• 13:12
  Kristy Silva: Yeah, I do want to loop back to something you mentioned earlier, and I think I mean it loops into all this idea of like being intentional, but having like moments for you to step away because the day feels like like can be very overstimulating.
• 13:30
  Kristy Silva: And also you're like the celebrities of the day, so everyone wants to talk to you and they want to be with you, which is very lovely.
• 13:35
  Kristy Silva: But especially if you are introverted andor anxious and or neurodivergent, like that's it's a lot to take in.
• 13:44
  Kristy Silva: And so I I love that you said, you know, you found like time in the morning to step away, and then I know during but before, or maybe right after, maybe before and after ceremony, right?
• 13:53
  Kristy Silva: You two were in that little little dressing room, and I know at one point like I came in and was like, everyone should leave.
• 14:00
  Kristy Silva: A moment, um after you were like, Thank you.
• 14:05
  Kristy Silva: I didn't want to kick everybody out, but I did, I didn't want everybody out.
• 14:09
  Meghan: Yeah, because like right before the ceremony, it was like all of our wedding party people who had been with us, and then our parents were also there, and it was a pretty small space with like a lot of people, and I was feeling like I was almost I was practically dissociating at that point.
• 14:23
  Meghan: I was just kind of like, whoa, something's happening.
• 14:26
  Meghan: Um, but I was like, there's so many people, and everybody's talking to me, and I'm so stressed out, and then you kept up kicked everyone out, and it was lovely.
• 14:33
  Meghan: I was very appreciative.
• 14:35
  Adri: Yeah, I also think it's funny because so I have a much higher social battery than Meghan does in most instances.
• 14:43
  Adri: So a lot of times whenever there's just like a lot of people in a room and I like get overwhelmed and don't know what to do, I kind of just steal myself and I'm like, okay, let's go.
• 14:55
  Adri: And I turn I like turn my battery up essentially.
• 14:59
  Adri: But it was very helpful having someone to be that like voice of authority in a time of when like you are technically the like technically, like yes, the people who are the ones getting married are like the stars of the day, but they're not the authority of the day, if that makes sense.
• 15:22
  Meghan: Because I think how it's like you're the guest of honor, not the host.
• 15:26
  Meghan: Yeah, exactly.
• 15:27
  Adri: Yeah, yeah, that's a good way of putting it.
• 15:29
  Adri: But so it was really helpful to have that.
• 15:32
  Adri: I also think something that was really special for me was before Meghan started getting ready, before I started getting ready, while like other folks were doing hair and makeup, and the venue was completely empty and not even set up.
• 15:47
  Adri: We went into the venue to practice our first dance, and we got like 15 minutes alone together at the very beginning of the day.
• 15:54
  Adri: Well, not the very beginning, but we got 15 together pretty early before the day started, and we were kind of able to do our dance together.
• 16:02
  Adri: One, just to practice how it would be in the room.
• 16:04
  Adri: Um, but also I think it felt like a time when we could really center around one another and remember, like, okay, yes, there's about to be a hundred plus people in this room, they're all gonna be looking at us, but at the end of the day, this is also just a celebration for the two of us, and we can do what we want to to protect like our own peace and the peace of our partner.
• 16:27
  Adri: Um, yeah.
• 16:29
  Adri: So I feel like having that moment with Meghan was so important and kind of helped me set like my energy for the rest of the day and helped me kind of ground in like what this entire thing is about.
• 16:44
  Adri: Because I think you can kind of get lost in it when you're like you get lost in it amongst all like the glitz and glamour and money and gravitas of a wedding, but at the end of the day, it's also like, well, for me at least, this was about sharing my love for my partner with the community, and it is all centered around that.
• 17:04
  Adri: Yeah.
• 17:04
  Adri: And so it gave me time to remind myself about that.
• 17:07
  Meghan: Yeah, and I think with weddings, because you're like having your professional makeup done, which I don't think I'd ever I Cricket, who's Adri's friend, who is a hair and makeup artist, had done my makeup before, but I'd never have it had it done by like a professional who was not someone we knew.
• 17:23
  Meghan: And having the crazy fancy dress, having all it feels it really feels like a performance, like a play, like you're in your costume, you've got your stage makeup, um, there's a camera following you around all day.
• 17:34
  Meghan: Um, it's it's helpful to have those moments of grounding, definitely.
• 17:40
  Meghan: And I think the times we were able to like connect with one another were that.
• 17:44
  Meghan: And in that same vein, I think it was we decided fairly early on that we wanted to do private, like first look private vows before the ceremony.
• 17:54
  Meghan: And I think that was one of the most best decisions we had made during the process.
• 18:00
  Meghan: Um, because I wanted to say personalized vows, but I was like, I'm not saying that in front of my friends and family and God, you know, probably God and a rainbow.
• 18:11
  Meghan: Yeah.
• 18:12
  Meghan: Um I was like, that's for me to know and everyone else to not, except for you, obviously.
• 18:20
  Adri: And then the videographer.
• 18:21
  Adri: Yeah, and the photographer, and there were distinctly people hiding in the bushes, but it's but it was still it still was like, yes, there were people hiding in the bushes, but once again, it still felt like that moment was just the two of us, like everybody else kind of go.
• 18:36
  Adri: Um, and it was once again that moment of just like peace and grounding to be with the person that you care about and made a decision like this with.
• 18:45
  Meghan: Yeah, because honestly, the actual ceremony I was full on probably also dissociating.
• 18:50
  Meghan: Like, all I remember is that at one point our officiant started to like either mess up or like drop their script or something, and they were like fuck.
• 18:58
  Meghan: And I was like, it's okay, it's all okay.
• 19:00
  Meghan: Everything's great.
• 19:01
  Meghan: You're doing so good, everything's perfect.
• 19:03
  Meghan: And other than that, I remember tying the yeah, we we did like a hand fasting for getting that right, and we practiced, we did not get it right.
• 19:12
  Meghan: We practiced multiple times and we didn't we got it good enough.
• 19:17
  Adri: But it wasn't right, where I was slammed.
• 19:21
  Adri: Good enough is all that matters, but yeah, I agree.
• 19:24
  Adri: The private vows were I think the private vows were I'm glad that we did that because I was also kind of disassociating in that moment of just like or maybe not disassociating for me is the right word, but there was just a lot of visual and there was a lot of stimulation going around, so it's hard to do that.
• 19:41
  Kristy Silva: Most folks, I and I tell people this at like rehearsals if I was like, during the ceremony, you're gonna black out.
• 19:45
  Kristy Silva: Yeah, blacking out is the best way to just for my own wedding, that's true.
• 19:49
  Kristy Silva: I'm so glad I had video, like, because I don't remember the ceremony.
• 19:53
  Kristy Silva: I like remember my dad walking out of the like room with me, and then I remember being back in that room.
• 20:00
  Kristy Silva: I don't remember walking down the aisle or up the aisle.
• 20:04
  Kristy Silva: Um, because there's a lot, it's there's a lot going on, and you're excited and you're nervous, and you know, all the things, and that's a lot of emotions for your brain to process.
• 20:12
  Kristy Silva: So I do think that people remember like my private vows with my like you know, husband before the ceremony.
• 20:18
  Kristy Silva: I remember that more than the actual ceremony.
• 20:20
  Kristy Silva: So it is nice to have that private moment ahead of time.
• 20:23
  Kristy Silva: Yeah.
• 20:25
  Kristy Silva: And also like on the note of you know, doing things for you.
• 20:30
  Kristy Silva: I remember at the end of the night, we were gonna have you do like an exit.
• 20:34
  Kristy Silva: Yeah, like like cheering you out.
• 20:36
  Kristy Silva: We weren't gonna do like sparklers or anything, but I think we're gonna have people like lineup song play, kind of clap you out, and then remember like the end of the night, you're like, you you do we're like, I think we're just gonna go.
• 20:44
  Kristy Silva: Yeah, yeah.
• 20:46
  Meghan: Well, so we were kind of going back and forth on that because I didn't really want a big anything.
• 20:52
  Adri: And you did I did just because I think the pictures look cool, but then by that point, our photographer had gone.
• 20:58
  Adri: So I was like, well, we don't have a photographer and we already have a lot of pictures, and I'm tired and my feet hurt, and it's weird.
• 21:04
  Adri: And we left already, and then you were like, Did you want to do an exit?
• 21:08
  Adri: And we just kind of popped our heads and we were like, Goodbye, everybody.
• 21:11
  Adri: And we and then to be fair, we didn't even exit at that point.
• 21:15
  Adri: We just walked around and like casually sat at the um we sat on like a random picnic.
• 21:21
  Adri: Yeah, like on a random picnic and just talked to people as they left.
• 21:24
  Meghan: And like that was lovely, honestly.
• 21:27
  Adri: It felt very authentic to us as people because I do think that like I mean, both of us love a good party, but I also think that we're both fairly chill when it comes to how we hang out and interact with individuals.
• 21:41
  Adri: So, like having that, like we're not gonna make a big deal and like walk out to everybody cheering and hop into a car that says just married, and then drive the two minutes back to our the 30 seconds back to our Airbnb.
• 21:54
  Adri: We're just gonna leave and then we'll meet you out front, we'll clink a beer can, and then you guys can go on your way.
• 21:59
  Meghan: Yeah, and we Had our our our like final song, which was Long and Happy Happy Life by Delta Ray.
• 22:05
  Meghan: I remember that.
• 22:06
  Meghan: It's a good song.
• 22:06
  Meghan: Lovely song.
• 22:07
  Meghan: Yeah.
• 22:08
  Meghan: My mom loves that song.
• 22:09
  Meghan: I did do that for my mom.
• 22:11
  Meghan: Um, but we had that song and it was like done, and like the music was done, and we were like, Well, we're gonna go now in the middle.
• 22:17
  Meghan: We're gonna leave now.
• 22:19
  Meghan: Yeah, and it was it was nice because we were sitting down like where people were walking out.
• 22:23
  Meghan: So it was kind of almost like a weird kind of receiving line type thing where we were like saying bye to people as they walked out.
• 22:30
  Meghan: And it was nice because I got a chance to talk to like some of my friends from high school that I had barely talked to the entire evening, and like some other people that we didn't get the chance to talk to because there were just so many people.
• 22:40
  Meghan: And that was nice, it just felt chill and like less produced, I guess.
• 22:45
  Meghan: Not that that's a bad thing, but it is kind of nice to feel those moments of authenticity in a kind of ritualistic event that is so heavily like choreographed, you know.
• 22:58
  Adri: Yeah, that's a good way to put it.
• 22:59
  Meghan: Um, which I'm not saying that with any kind of value judgment.
• 23:01
  Meghan: I think that's just what weddings are.
• 23:03
  Meghan: And I think those kind of performances and rituals are important, and I chose to partake in it, but it's nice to also have that human connection with being like, hey, these are my friends, my family, my community.
• 23:15
  Meghan: I want to thank you for being here, especially because people like traveled multiple hours.
• 23:20
  Meghan: I think it was just nice.
• 23:22
  Kristy Silva: Yeah, and you're the weddings are they're a production.
• 23:25
  Kristy Silva: If they weren't, I wouldn't have a job.
• 23:26
  Kristy Silva: Yeah.
• 23:27
  Kristy Silva: If you would just like were like, oh yeah, we're just gonna show up and things will just happen.
• 23:31
  Kristy Silva: You could you you can and people do and do weddings that way.
• 23:35
  Kristy Silva: But you know, I I think there's yeah, something to be said about what the like I said, that this the structure of it all, and in some ways, depending on the wedding, that structure can like allow you more opportunity to like be right like in the moment and to have like authentic and genuine connections because then you're not worried about like what are we supposed to be doing right now or like what's supposed to happen next.
• 23:56
  Kristy Silva: Be like, oh, I know that the thing that was supposed to happen happened, and now we can we can sit here and chill and drink a beer and say bye to people and not feel like we we're supposed to be lining up for a grand exit right now.
• 24:05
  Meghan: Yeah, yeah, whatever the case is.
• 24:07
  Kristy Silva: So I'm glad that y'all have that.
• 24:08
  Meghan: Yeah, I think it's interesting.
• 24:10
  Meghan: Um I remember uh I think it was in our one of our first conversations with our photographer Abby, she asked us, like, what's the most important thing to you about the wedding?
• 24:20
  Meghan: And I was like, Well, to me, getting married is one thing and having a wedding is another thing.
• 24:26
  Meghan: Like for us, it literally was two separate things because we did our legal marriage in Maryland because of you know, legalities type.
• 24:34
  Meghan: Um but the wedding for us was really about bringing our community together to I mean celebrate us, sounds kind of like I think the thing for me, the way that I looked at it was not just about bringing our community together, but bringing our community together and blending them in a celebration of like it sounds so corny, but just like in a celebration of love and companionship.
• 25:05
  Adri: And like I very much look at relationships as the it's not just the blending of two people, it's the blending of two people and whoever they bring with them long term.
• 25:18
  Adri: And so that kind of the wedding for us was our way of in some ways.
• 25:25
  Adri: I think of it as also like our way of like saying thank you to the people who got us to where we are now, because it was all people who we genuinely cared about and like made an impact in our life.
• 25:36
  Adri: Like I had people who were who worked with me in the job that I no longer work in as a dog boarder when I first met Meg or when I first started dating Meghan.
• 25:47
  Adri: And so they knew about Meg from the beginning, and they were at our wedding, even though I don't get a chance to talk to them a lot right now.
• 25:54
  Adri: So, like, it's that really cool interaction of people from both sides of our life who would never meet in any other circumstance, and bringing them into a space where it's just about being joyful and being happy was like it was very, it was very like it felt very like nice and comforting, you know?
• 26:21
  Meghan: Yeah, and I think our wedding was the timing of it was a little weird because it was in the end of November of 2024.
• 26:30
  Meghan: So it was right after the election, the Trump election, the second Trump election, I guess.
• 26:35
  Meghan: Yes.
• 26:35
  Meghan: So that was a time when I think I and a lot of people in our community, especially specifically like queer people, were feeling really, really unsettled and anxious and unsure.
• 26:48
  Meghan: And I think a lot of those fears have been brought out and have happened.
• 26:53
  Meghan: So I think that's like there's a reason for that.
• 26:59
  Meghan: And I think it's very well founded.
• 27:02
  Meghan: But I think it's nice to, in a time that feels so uncertain, be able to celebrate people, right?
• 27:09
  Meghan: And this isn't a celebration of us, so it sounds kind of crazy to be like we're gonna celebrate, but also like those community ties because that's what builds that lifelong community and brings all your community together, yeah.
• 27:22
  Meghan: And being in a place celebrating queer joy, just having fun, having a really good dance floor.
• 27:30
  Adri: Yeah, uh able to see people having interactions that they never would have had before in spaces that they probably wouldn't be in, namely my dad, a 70-year-old man from Ecuador dancing to partition by Beyonce with Meghan's mom, a woman from England who came to the like who is now in North Carolina, like that never would have happened.
• 27:56
  Adri: Like that is an interaction that I if I told my child my childhood self that would have happened, they would have looked at me and been like, that's a cute joke, but real.
• 28:08
  Adri: So it was just like I don't know, I it did kind of feel like a moment, and I think I had like other people tell me, like I had my friends tell me like that was a moment of reprieve, essentially.
• 28:20
  Adri: It was a moment of reprieve for our friends and family in our community during a moment that was just objectively very, very stressful for everybody.
• 28:28
  Adri: Oh, thank you, Winnie, for blocking that the cats have joined the chat.
• 28:34
  Kristy Silva: Yeah, you're you're right.
• 28:35
  Kristy Silva: It's the it both you know, it's like a moment that never happened, and also like will never happen again, probably, right?
• 28:42
  Kristy Silva: But that's like one of the things that makes weddings really special is they do capture this moment in time, and that's why I'm you know happy when people can really be like in that moment and see it for what it is and experience that joy, and especially during you know, these tumultuous times that we live in where people I think really like need a reason to like celebrate and are seeking places to gather for joyful reasons, and weddings, you know, especially queer weddings, are just such a great place for that where people can be themselves and be with the people they love and be celebrating and having a good time.
• 29:25
  Kristy Silva: So I think that your wedding really was like a like I that was the vibe.
• 29:32
  Kristy Silva: I remember I remember the feeling intimately of it was just very joyful and everyone like that's a great time and having people there for like the weekend.
• 29:41
  Kristy Silva: It there was this really nice like community of people being there, you know, the whole time and rather than like kind of coming in and leaving within this six-hour window.
• 29:50
  Kristy Silva: That was really nice.
• 29:51
  Meghan: Yeah, and honestly, we just had so much fun with it.
• 29:54
  Meghan: Like, there was so much stress involved in the planning and everything, like logistics.
• 29:58
  Meghan: I was so stressed out for like, you know, I was about to say three months, but no, it was probably like the whole two-year period from getting engaged to being married.
• 30:07
  Meghan: But we had so much fun with it, and like we love a themed party just in general.
• 30:13
  Meghan: And we had the like our theme was like garden party, but make it fall.
• 30:18
  Meghan: Yeah, so very specific.
• 30:19
  Meghan: On the on our wedding website, I I gave people like a Pinterest board of outfits.
• 30:24
  Meghan: They dressed the theme.
• 30:26
  Adri: If there's one thing you can guarantee the queer community does, it is dress to a theme.
• 30:30
  Adri: They all did it.
• 30:32
  Meghan: Yeah, like a lot of people were like wearing our colors and in like floral prints, and everybody like showed up and showed out, and I was like, Yeah, people were coming.
• 30:39
  Meghan: So good.
• 30:40
  Adri: I had a really funny interaction with my mom's best friend, who's been like, she's like, not my aunt, but she is my aunt.
• 30:47
  Adri: And she was like, Can I wear red to this wedding?
• 30:51
  Adri: I have this gorgeous dress, but it's a bright red, and I don't want to upstage anybody.
• 30:55
  Adri: And I looked at her and I said, Auntie Allah, we want people to show up.
• 31:00
  Adri: And like, I was like, I want you for lack of a better word, I didn't say this to her, but I want people to dress kinds, and like that's what she did.
• 31:08
  Adri: And I was like, So it was just really fun to see it.
• 31:11
  Adri: Yeah, yeah, like your aunt, your great aunt Nancy.
• 31:14
  Meghan: Yeah, she had this little like ape thing with a pointed hood where she looked a little bit like, but like in the best way possible.
• 31:21
  Meghan: Yes.
• 31:22
  Meghan: I was like, yes, yeah, yeah, see.
• 31:24
  Adri: It was just really fun to see like what everybody was wearing and how they like how they interpreted the theme and the event.
• 31:30
  Adri: And it was like, yeah, it was just a really fun time.
• 31:33
  Meghan: Yeah, and I'm my personal like philosophy on it.
• 31:37
  Meghan: I liked those kind of videos that were popular around the time.
• 31:39
  Meghan: I saw a bunch where it was like the people gave the theme of like upstage the bride.
• 31:44
  Meghan: I was confused to put that on my wedding website because I was like, that's that's a little crazy.
• 31:50
  Meghan: But I'm like, if someone upstages me at my own wedding, like that's on me.
• 31:53
  Meghan: Like telling me for a second.
• 31:55
  Meghan: Like, if that's a possibility, that's on me.
• 31:59
  Meghan: That's that's my fault.
• 32:00
  Meghan: Like, if someone can upstage me, and I would I wasn't doing it right now.
• 32:03
  Meghan: Yeah, I looked like a fairy princess as I intended.
• 32:11
  Adri: You look like a look like a part of the Hobbit Mafia.
• 32:15
  Adri: So there we go.
• 32:17
  Adri: What can we say?
• 32:20
  Kristy Silva: Hobbit Mafia.
• 32:24
  Adri: I love that.
• 32:26
  Kristy Silva: And you speaking of the like wedding planning stress of it all, I feel like we hear about that all the time, right?
• 32:33
  Kristy Silva: People talk like wedding planning is stressful.
• 32:35
  Kristy Silva: That's I think not not new news, but one of the things that you mentioned in like the the questions that I had you look at, you know, before we talked in was also about how just like isolating the wedding planning experience can be and separately, but also related like the stress it puts on your relationship as you're going through that.
• 32:53
  Kristy Silva: But I I also both experienced and witnessed like the isolating aspect of wedding planning, and I feel like that's really not talked about in like mainstream wedding planning media.
• 33:06
  Kristy Silva: And so I'd love for you to speak more to that and your experience with you know wedding planning and how that yeah, just how you exp how it you know felt isolating and things that maybe helped with that, um, and also related to that like advice that you'd give other people to like manage that and deal with that.
• 33:26
  Meghan: Yeah, I mean, objectively, planning a wedding is an insane thing to do.
• 33:30
  Meghan: Like it's like a huge scale event with this like high production value that most people will do maybe probably only once in their life, maybe twice.
• 33:40
  Meghan: Yeah, there's so much there's a lot wrapped up into a wedding.
• 33:45
  Meghan: Yeah, there's all the like cultural aspects, there's the financial aspects, that's a huge thing.
• 33:50
  Meghan: And then there's also like you're bringing together two families or potentially more, and like the social aspects, the like weird class dynamics, the weird gender dynamics, like you've got religion, you've got like social media.
• 34:06
  Meghan: There's all these weird things that come together in weddings that just is crazy.
• 34:11
  Meghan: It's crazy, it's its own thing.
• 34:13
  Meghan: But I was so stressed the whole time.
• 34:17
  Meghan: Like, I looking back on it, I think we both really enjoyed wedding planning.
• 34:21
  Meghan: Like, it was fun.
• 34:22
  Meghan: Like doing that kind of thing is really fun for me.
• 34:24
  Meghan: For a hot second, I wanted to be an event planner, but then COVID happened, so that didn't happen.
• 34:28
  Meghan: So doing the like creative aspect, the like design, like putting together different decorations and stuff, that was really fun.
• 34:37
  Adri: Oh, yeah, I love a spreadsheet, love a lot sheet.
• 34:39
  Adri: Like trying to figure out when things were gonna happen.
• 34:43
  Meghan: So yeah, yeah, but some of those other aspects, like the familial aspect, the like cultural aspect, the like money of it all, the have the like planning a wedding and doing all this crazy stuff, including for us, like a lot of travel.
• 34:58
  Adri: We are going back and forth to Noah a lot, um, you know, while living life and having full-time jobs, like doing having other having other like major life events occurring at the same time.
• 35:13
  Meghan: It's just a huge burden.
• 35:14
  Meghan: And it's it's weird to think of it as a burden because it's also a privilege, right?
• 35:18
  Meghan: Because we spent a heck of a lot of money on this thing, and we were only able to do that because of the support of our parents, right?
• 35:27
  Meghan: But it was an experience, especially for us.
• 35:29
  Meghan: We were the first in most of our social circles to get married and to have like a big wedding like that.
• 35:36
  Meghan: I mean, it was right after COVID, so we knew a good amount of people who had gotten married without having like the big to-do of it all.
• 35:43
  Adri: Or they were having weddings of like 50 to 60 guests, and so ours, the total guest count for ours ended up being I think 103.
• 35:51
  Adri: 113.
• 35:53
  Adri: It was 113.
• 35:54
  Adri: Yeah.
• 35:55
  Adri: Okay.
• 35:55
  Adri: But we invited more, we invited like 130 to 150.
• 35:59
  Adri: So we knew that we were gonna have wait, hold up.
• 36:05
  Meghan: Okay, maybe she's done.
• 36:06
  Meghan: She's just scratching up our furniture, don't mind.
• 36:09
  Adri: Oh it's okay, it's fine.
• 36:12
  Adri: Anyway, so we knew we were gonna have a big wedding, and so the logistics around all of that were kind of insane, like trying to figure out once again, this like molding, melding of like groups of people, and like trying to figure out like, okay, who is gonna sit where and like what's gonna happen if like your family from the middle of North Carolina comes in and meets my family from New York, and like, what are we gonna be doing in this situation?
• 36:40
  Adri: And so that was definitely crazy.
• 36:42
  Adri: And I think, in in some sense, also with the fact that it can be isolating, especially when we talk about how isolating it can be financially to talk about things, because we had people getting married in similar times, and the range of like our finances versus their finances for a wedding were very different.
• 37:02
  Adri: And I think that there's a lot of I think sometimes there can be this like moral judgment tied up with how much money is spent on a wedding, and totally in my personal opinion, I don't think that that's true.
• 37:15
  Adri: I think that whatever you have and can spend is perfect as long as that the event is what you and your partner want.
• 37:25
  Meghan: But I think there's also so many other influences, right?
• 37:28
  Meghan: With like social media and like Pinterest and you know, like society and culture saying what you should do.
• 37:35
  Adri: There's kind of like appropriate like what is what is a good wedding TM.
• 37:42
  Meghan: And like most of the weddings you see on like Pinterest or whatever probably cost like upwards of $70,000 or way more, you know.
• 37:48
  Meghan: Um, and it's hard to know what things cost before you're like in the trenches, yeah.
• 37:54
  Meghan: You know, like I said, this is a thing that people do like once in their life.
• 37:58
  Meghan: Like, if you're not like a person who plans like large-scale, like highly produced events, you have no idea how much event costs, right?
• 38:06
  Meghan: And there's all those costs that people don't think of, like like insurance, like the sheer cost of florals.
• 38:12
  Meghan: Florals are so expensive, like catering, having to rent like chairs, whatever.
• 38:17
  Meghan: There's always something crazy.
• 38:18
  Adri: Having rentals, yeah, just rentals in general.
• 38:21
  Meghan: Um, there's always something crazy that comes up that like most people would probably not foresee, which is why it's really helpful to have someone like you, Kristy, who's done it and knows those things and knows to think about those things ahead of time.
• 38:33
  Meghan: But it's just hard to kind of manage.
• 38:36
  Meghan: You have all these competing kind of like narratives of what your wedding should be, and then what you want, what your partner wants, which might not always be the same thing, and then what your families want.
• 38:46
  Meghan: It's it's it's it's a mess.
• 38:48
  Meghan: It's a little bit of a mess.
• 38:50
  Meghan: And it was, I think I really like I wanted to be like the cool modern bride, you know, but it's really hard not to see those messages of like like the things on like Instagram of people like giving their like bridesmaids, like bridesmaid boxes that have like $100 each of like makeup products, which is kind of crazy.
• 39:10
  Meghan: Yeah, these crazy experiences, and like you have to have like a special dress for like your like bridal shower, for your like engagement party, for your like bachelorette, for your like rehearsal dinner, and like each of them has to be like a monogrammed robe.
• 39:26
  Meghan: Yeah, like there's some crazy things that are like, oh, you have to have these things in order for it to be like a good wedding, and that's crazy.
• 39:34
  Meghan: And there's also all of the like messaging that like just women get in society of like, oh, you have to be thinner, you have to be like, you have to like eat right, you have to be like, I know the makeup artist, I had my trial, and she was like, Oh, you're you need to make sure that you're like hydrated.
• 39:53
  Meghan: She was she she told me something crazy.
• 39:55
  Meghan: She was like, Oh, you should be drinking like a crazy amount of water every day, and things like that.
• 40:00
  Adri: 64 to 84 ounces or something.
• 40:03
  Meghan: And she was like, Oh, like you can't do the makeup look you want to do if your skin isn't hydrated.
• 40:08
  Meghan: So then I like kind of hyper focused on that, and like we got a lot of facials, which was honestly fun.
• 40:12
  Meghan: Lovely, once again, very expensive, yeah.
• 40:17
  Meghan: But hey, my skin looked great.
• 40:19
  Adri: Yeah, oh my god.
• 40:20
  Meghan: But all those kind of things that like you don't think of in day-to-day life because you don't have like you know, uh high definition camera shoved up in your face, it's just all those pressures that you're getting.
• 40:31
  Meghan: And I when I say I'm an anxious person, I mean like clinically, like I have anxiety, and like in the three months leading up to the wedding, I was so stressed out.
• 40:43
  Meghan: I was like barely eating.
• 40:45
  Meghan: It was hard.
• 40:46
  Meghan: I have ADHD, my brain was like in all different places, like so scattered, trying to get everything in one place, trying to figure out all those little details, even with having you doing a lot of the heavy lifting with like vendor management and stuff like that.
• 40:59
  Meghan: Yeah, so tips for people.
• 41:02
  Meghan: I survived on applesauce and smoothies.
• 41:05
  Meghan: Would I advise that?
• 41:06
  Meghan: No, but if you can't eat, it's better than nothing.
• 41:10
  Kristy Silva: Yeah, absolutely.
• 41:11
  Kristy Silva: It's eating something is better than nothing.
• 41:12
  Kristy Silva: If that's applesauce and smoothies, then agree.
• 41:15
  Meghan: Yeah, yeah.
• 41:16
  Meghan: Like you just have to like I started playing like crazy little gimmicky app games so that I wouldn't like be scrolling through Instagram because my algorithm got crazy too.
• 41:27
  Meghan: Like right around the wedding, I was getting everything was like wedding.
• 41:31
  Meghan: It was like, oh, these are like the hot new dresses.
• 41:33
  Meghan: This is the hot new makeup look.
• 41:35
  Meghan: Oh, you need to have like a welcome cocktail or something, like all these things.
• 41:40
  Meghan: And every single time I would see something, I'd be like, ah, I have to do that.
• 41:43
  Meghan: And of course, like three months before the wedding, changing anything is crazy.
• 41:47
  Meghan: So I started playing like crazy little app games just to like kind of get myself out of the cycle of like scrolling and stuff.
• 41:54
  Meghan: Um yeah, and just I think we I'm lucky to have Adri who was very, very active.
• 42:04
  Meghan: Like, we planned this wedding together with you, obviously, as well.
• 42:08
  Kristy Silva: You were both very involved.
• 42:09
  Kristy Silva: It wasn't like one of you was planning the whole thing, which we sometimes see, I think, especially in especially in heterosexual relationships with a bride and a groom.
• 42:17
  Kristy Silva: Then like the stereotype is the bride does most of the planning, and unfortunately that stereotype is sometimes true.
• 42:22
  Kristy Silva: But yeah, so it is really nice.
• 42:23
  Kristy Silva: Most of the couples that we work with, um, both people are equally or as equally as possible, yeah, um, involved, which I do think makes a difference.
• 42:31
  Kristy Silva: You don't feel like you're carrying this weight alone.
• 42:34
  Meghan: Yeah, but even in that, like some of the like like the beauty and like dieting thing, like I don't think you got quite as much of that.
• 42:44
  Meghan: I mean, not to say that you didn't.
• 42:46
  Adri: I think image is important, is I mean, I think I got it in a different in a different way because at the time I hadn't physically transitioned because I'm non-binary, and like part of what I was thinking about was like, oh, maybe I'll get top surgery before the wedding, and I'm really glad I didn't do that.
• 43:05
  Adri: Very glad I did not do that.
• 43:06
  Adri: That would have been a terrible idea.
• 43:08
  Adri: Because of the recovery, because of because of the recovery and also because of how stress impacts your body during recovery, but also financially.
• 43:15
  Adri: We've been a lot to happen at once, yeah.
• 43:17
  Adri: A lot of things would have been going on at once, and so I was in therapy at the time, and so a lot of what I was talking about, and I'm still in therapy, um, but like a lot of what my therapist and I worked on, like and talked about was handling that stress.
• 43:30
  Adri: And I think one of the things that in talking about like what comes with wedding planning, I was the one who asked Meghan to put about the how it impacts your relationship specifically.
• 43:43
  Adri: And a lot of that came down to like when you're in this in this time period, it kind of feels like your relationship is constantly is in like a constant state of pressure as you're making these really big attention.
• 43:59
  Adri: Decisions together.
• 44:01
  Adri: And as you are coming up to think against things that you didn't realize, you might not share equal opinions on.
• 44:09
  Adri: And so that can cause tension and it can make you feel like, okay, I'm not being like my opinion is not being valued as much as my partner's opinion.
• 44:20
  Adri: And so something that Meghan and I kind of adopted during this time was that whenever we would come up against something really difficult that we weren't seeing eye to eye on after we would take a break and then like come back together and talk about it, we came up with this phrase.
• 44:38
  Adri: Can I share the phrase?
• 44:39
  Adri: Yeah, go for it.
• 44:39
  Adri: I we came up with this phrase.
• 44:41
  Meghan: I don't think it's ours originally.
• 44:43
  Meghan: I think we stole it from somebody.
• 44:44
  Adri: We stole it probably from somebody, but we would look at each other whenever something got like too big and we would be like, okay, the wedding is the enemy.
• 44:51
  Adri: Because in this situation, we're not the enemy.
• 44:53
  Adri: We are the wedding.
• 44:54
  Adri: We're the enemy to one another.
• 44:55
  Adri: Yes.
• 44:56
  Adri: I think the event is the enemy.
• 44:58
  Adri: And yes, we did court this enemy, but we are not the enemy to one another.
• 45:03
  Adri: And so I think when in times when it was like the most stressful, and like, for example, like I would see Meghan like scrolling a bunch, and she would come up to me and she'd be like, We're not gonna have this thing that I just saw on TikTok that was trending for something, or like, look at this flower meadow that this bride had that cost $75,000.
• 45:22
  Adri: I still think about that flower meadow.
• 45:24
  Adri: And that's fair, you know what?
• 45:25
  Adri: It was really pretty.
• 45:26
  Adri: I wanted a flower meadow.
• 45:27
  Adri: I know, but we couldn't afford it.
• 45:28
  Adri: We can get you another one, just have one.
• 45:31
  Adri: Just put it in our living room just for fun's sake.
• 45:32
  Adri: One in the art, just to have, just to have, but like during those moments, it was like, I think what is really important, and I don't even know if this is a tip so much, but just like coming back to those moments that we talk about, not just something to have on the day of the wedding where you ground with your partner, but in the moments leading up to it from the very start of wedding planning to the very end of it, and I would say just in your relationship in general, just like being able to sit with that person and be like, the thing that we're doing together, we're doing it because we want because of whatever reason for us is because we wanted to share this moment with our community, and whatever is gonna happen at the end of the day is going to be beautiful and wonderful because of the fact that it is with you, and like that's kind of what I would tell her every time.
• 46:22
  Meghan: And sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't work, and then I think sometimes I would be like, I'm the one making it beautiful, yeah, and then I would bring her a snack and it's all good.
• 46:31
  Adri: Um, yeah, lots of snacks.
• 46:32
  Meghan: Snacks on hands, important.
• 46:33
  Meghan: Anytime you're going anywhere, like if you're viewing like I don't know, a venue or like whatever going anywhere, bring like we we keep little like fruit snacks.
• 46:43
  Meghan: I keep fruit snacks in my bag.
• 46:44
  Meghan: Anytime kind of little snack, because anytime we get like irritated with blood sugar slow, we're usually like, did you eat a snack?
• 46:50
  Meghan: And we're like, yeah, so that really helps.
• 46:54
  Adri: I'm the same way.
• 46:54
  Adri: Lots of snacks.
• 46:55
  Adri: Lots of snacks.
• 46:56
  Adri: But I think that's just like that's one of the things.
• 46:59
  Adri: It's just like really leaning on the other person.
• 47:01
  Adri: Um, especially leaning on the other person in a moment when you know like it's just not something that I can do, that I have the the mental energy and capacity for.
• 47:11
  Adri: So if it's like going out the like the day before the wedding to get cash so that we can tip and having one of us go and stand in front of an ATM for 10 minutes as we take out $2,000.
• 47:26
  Adri: I did not because that is my funniest memory of standing in a 7-Eleven and taking, I think $1,500 in cash on one card and then $500 on another card, and literally looking like I'm going through some kind of illicit deal with the ATM.
• 47:43
  Adri: If that's gotta be on one of us, then I'm like, you know what?
• 47:46
  Adri: That's something that I can do, baby.
• 47:48
  Adri: You stay home, you get your nails done.
• 47:50
  Adri: Like you, you help Crystal with the table, the table.
• 47:54
  Adri: Crystal's my aunt, yeah.
• 47:55
  Adri: You help people with the like table numbers, I'll go and do this other thing.
• 47:59
  Adri: So it's about, you know, stepping in and taking, it's not always about sharing the load equally, it is just about sharing the load in a way that makes the most sense for you.
• 48:09
  Adri: So in our case, Meghan did a lot of the reviewing contracts because that's not my forte.
• 48:14
  Adri: Whereas I did a lot of the like packing things up and moving heavy boxes and being the big butch boy that I am essentially.
• 48:23
  Adri: I love my big butch boy.
• 48:24
  Adri: Thank you.
• 48:25
  Adri: But yeah, so you gotta play to your strengths, yeah.
• 48:29
  Adri: Exactly.
• 48:29
  Adri: I think that's like that's the tip I would say is like play to your strengths and just continue to be there for the other person because that's what you're signing up for in a marriage anyway.
• 48:39
  Adri: Like that's what you're signing up for, so you might as well start it off early.
• 48:43
  Meghan: Yeah.
• 48:44
  Adri: And start it off, I would just say right away.
• 48:46
  Meghan: Yeah, and I do think something that was really helpful.
• 48:49
  Meghan: This was a tip from you, Kristy.
• 48:51
  Meghan: You had mentioned that you did like first dance lessons prior to your wedding, and we ended up doing that too, and we did like six.
• 48:59
  Adri: Yeah, we did six, and it was so fun.
• 49:01
  Meghan: It was lovely.
• 49:01
  Meghan: We had a a lady named what was her name?
• 49:03
  Meghan: Erlina?
• 49:04
  Adri: Arena.
• 49:05
  Meghan: Arena, yeah.
• 49:06
  Adri: She was like some professional dancer, yeah.
• 49:11
  Kristy Silva: The same person that who yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 49:13
  Kristy Silva: She was so she was great.
• 49:15
  Kristy Silva: She was great.
• 49:15
  Kristy Silva: It was so funny.
• 49:17
  Adri: Yeah, but like she was kind of like, I don't know if you guys can dance.
• 49:20
  Adri: And I was like, it's okay.
• 49:21
  Adri: We just have to look semi-okay.
• 49:23
  Meghan: She was very like very Eastern European, like, did not use pronouns with very like blunt.
• 49:28
  Meghan: Yeah, did not use pronouns with Adri like at all.
• 49:31
  Meghan: I don't think she really knew what was going on.
• 49:33
  Meghan: And I appreciate it.
• 49:34
  Meghan: Yeah, she was very affirming.
• 49:35
  Meghan: I appreciate it.
• 49:36
  Adri: I was like, I'm not but dance like like having something like that to do together before was like really fun.
• 49:43
  Meghan: Yeah.
• 49:43
  Meghan: And just having that time set aside, like it doesn't have to be a dance lesson.
• 49:47
  Adri: Yeah, it's the time that we set aside for the two of us in do something for the wedding.
• 49:53
  Meghan: And we can't think about anything else.
• 49:54
  Meghan: Like, I'm not thinking about the logistics of like napkins or something.
• 49:57
  Meghan: You're just thinking about how many steps you have to turn before I catch you.
• 50:00
  Meghan: Yeah, and then like I fell over literally on the floor.
• 50:06
  Meghan: Sorry.
• 50:07
  Meghan: Yeah, it was a graceful fall.
• 50:08
  Meghan: It was graceful.
• 50:09
  Meghan: And hey, our first stance really was pretty good.
• 50:14
  Kristy Silva: It was so cute.
• 50:14
  Kristy Silva: It was really good.
• 50:16
  Kristy Silva: We all nailed it.
• 50:17
  Kristy Silva: It'd be great.
• 50:18
  Kristy Silva: I think that's a great place to leave it, is on that note of leaning on each other, playing to each other's strengths, and your team, the wedding is the enemy.
• 50:27
  Kristy Silva: I think that is a great, great reminder.
• 50:29
  Kristy Silva: You are not you are not the enemy, and you're you know, you're you're in it together.
• 50:33
  Kristy Silva: Thank you both so much for your time and for sharing and your vulnerability.
• 50:38
  Kristy Silva: I think people will take a lot from it and feel seen and heard and validated for your experience.
• 50:44
  Kristy Silva: So I appreciate you sharing.
• 50:46
  Meghan: Yeah, thank you so much, Kristy.
• 50:48
  Meghan: Um lovely to talk.
• 50:49
  Adri: And also, you're the MVP of our wedding.
• 50:52
  Meghan: Honestly, without you, I would have been dead on the floor.
• 50:56
  Adri: I'm still working on getting you a trophy, but it's gotta be really big.
• 51:00
  Kristy Silva: So it might take a while.
• 51:01
  Kristy Silva: I'll check the mail.
• 51:02
  Kristy Silva: Thank you so much, Meghan and Adri, for your time and candor.
• 51:08
  Kristy Silva: If you want to read more about their wedding and see their beautiful photos, their wedding blog post is linked in the show notes, or you can search for on our blog at kinfete.com/ podcast.
• 51:18
  Kristy Silva: That's K-I-N-F-E-T E.com slash podcast.
• 51:23
  Kristy Silva: Be sure to hit follow wherever you listen so you never miss an episode.
• 51:26
  Kristy Silva: New episodes drop every week and will alternate between an interview with a couple, like the one you just heard, and an advice episode, either with just me or sometimes a guest.
• 51:35
  Kristy Silva: Thank you for listening to the Planning Out Loud Podcast.
• 51:37
  Kristy Silva: I'll catch you next time.