Latest / Zen Community of Oregon Dharma Talks / When Effort Becomes Intimacy - Jogen Salzberg, Sensei

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When Effort Becomes Intimacy - Jogen Salzberg, Sensei · Zen Community of Oregon Dharma Talks

• 0:00
  Jomon: Hello and welcome. This is the Zen Community of Oregon, making the teachings of the Buddhadharma accessible to support your practice. New episodes air every week.
• 0:25
  Jogen: I take refuge in Buddha, I take refuge in Dharma. I take refuge in Sangha. Thank you so much for being here. This is the first day of our Dharma Gates Busting Open the Gates of Dharma twenty twenty six Retreat. You are off to a good start.
• 0:52
  And just being here, especially in our culture, indicates that a wisdom is alive in you. Eyes that see through illusions. Eyes that wish to shed delusions. Maybe a heart that wishes full of fuller bloom. Its current capacity doesn't quite feel right.
• 1:24
  It's too tight a fit. Or coming wanting the clarity necessary to be of service because without really knowing ourselves, trying to be of service can cause as many problems as it solves. Coming here, doing this seeking an inner stability in the midst of the great commotion. Doing this, coming here, needing to prove to ourselves the good, the true, the beautiful. To reacquaint in ourselves the good, the true, the beautiful.
• 2:22
  Activating our fog lights. By what do you navigate? Activating our deep vision. So, we might chart a course through the tumult with some grace and playfulness and make some meaning of it rather than just get all lost and caught up. And so we're in retreat and we are doing the practice of Zazen.
• 3:01
  And as you can see, it's very easy to do Zazen and let go of attachments. You simply tune into your life before discriminating mind. So easy. Body as is. Breath as is.
• 3:30
  These perfectly embody dharma. This body as is, this breath as is. The old masters would say things like, You exist in eternally perfect Samadhi. Why don't you appreciate such a thing? No gap between awareness and that which is known by awareness.
• 3:59
  No lack of intimacy. No being, no little being in there who's impinged on with suffering. Breath comes in naturally, effortlessly, you know it just as it is. There's no special sophisticated thing you do. Breath goes out naturally, easily, you experience that just as it is.
• 4:29
  Takes no special effort. It's very easy to do Zazen. And actually whether you think I'm just being snarky or not, I'm trying to work on being less snarky. But, That's kind of true. It's easy to experience your life because you are the experience of life.
• 4:55
  How could that be difficult? Dogen thought this was interesting too. This master of our lineage, very long time ago. He said basically the same thing that I'm amused by and he said, What need is there for special effort? Just because attention wanders, just because discriminating mind is compelling, and delicious and fascinating and convincing to us, it's necessary to make effort to know our, just our diamond wholeness.
• 5:43
  Our nature which is complete, and free, and full. Because attention wanders from our real truth, and because discriminating mind is compelling and delicious and we just love it. We're just really into it. Honestly. Now, what is discriminating mind?
• 6:12
  We, did the faith mind poem, Chant at noon. That is a lot of pointing at what discriminating mind is. I was thinking, well, discriminating mind in a way comes right after the discriminating itch. It is this reflex in the hearts of us to say, That's not right. Not right.
• 6:49
  Or, That's more right than this. It's an itch that divides the world into should and shouldn't be. Belongs doesn't belong. And from that flinch that you can discern, you can come to understand, to observe it arising in yourself, then all kinds of things proliferate in the space of mind. All kinds of thoughts pile on top of that.
• 7:35
  I'll get a better breath, a deeper breath. A calmer body, stronger body, a more rested body, Better method. Better zendo. Whatever. The discriminating itch fools us.
• 8:02
  Then we start thinking about, flinching about how this isn't quite up to snuff. And the mind just takes that and runs and, you know, creates most of human culture. Now, it's really weird that we are so caught up in discriminating mind because it's just a bunch of thoughts and feelings and beliefs. It's really weird that we take it so seriously. That we don't see it just for what it is.
• 8:45
  And we don't hold it lightly. What if I just held it lightly? Like, oh. The mind emits thoughts. Usually on the scale of good, bad, right, wrong, I like, I don't like, so what?
• 8:59
  It's just a thought emission. Kind of like mind farts. It's just a mind fart. I don't have to breathe it in. But we do.
• 9:10
  But we do. Weird, right? So we love, we're enchanted by the proliferations of our own minds that you've already heard a 100 times, thousand times. And so attention wanders. It wanders from eternal seamless samadhi easy no suffering zazen.
• 9:41
  This is what all of the luminous masters of the past said. They said, You're already free and you enact, I enact suffering beingness. You already have the replete gift of a free life, a divine life. And it's too true to be good enough for us. Or it's too hard to have faith in, so we have to, prove it to ourselves through direct experience.
• 10:19
  Words will not cut it. You must have the direct experience deep enough that your heart is impressed. So let's think a little bit. Let's contemplate effort. We're doing meditation but what is the doing of doing meditation for you?
• 10:46
  Sometimes we slide into this this world of practice without ever really thinking about this most basic question. We're told to do this method. Follow my system, it's the best. But what is the doing of the doing of effort in meditation? Is it like tightening a screw?
• 11:14
  Is it like holding a lid on a pot that's boiling? Actually it's not so far off of one style of practice that the Buddha talked about. He said, You suppress the five hindrances through your concentration. You suppress basically all the roiling of your proliferations that knock you off course. Is it like an animal that's watching for its prey's emergence?
• 11:47
  Like you're just hanging out, you know, waiting for mind to poke up and then you could just whack it. You just kill it when it arises. It's a pretty metal way of meditating. You're just like, I'm gonna kill this shit. I'm gonna kill this mind.
• 12:07
  Is it like, about ten years ago, I loved it. There's all these images of cats out there with like laser beam eyes. Is it like that that you're like a laser beam eye cat sending those beams down at your breath? Well, I want to give you an image that I think is maybe skillful to understand effort in meditation. And it's like you're driving on the highway.
• 12:44
  Okay. And your car has pretty good alignment so that when the road is smooth and even and the wind is not strong, you have a slight touch on the steering wheel. Yeah. You know what I mean? You just you just have a It just takes a little bit.
• 13:03
  It just starts to drift a little bit and you just Right? A soft touch keeps you aligned, keeps you in the groove. But then, the road gets bumpy and the wind does start blowing stronger and you have to correct for that and you you got both hands on the wheel. You know what I mean? Or it's storming.
• 13:28
  You have less visibility so you have your eyes wide open. You drink a Red Bull or whatever. Like, I am not going to fall asleep. I'm not going off the road. This matters.
• 13:39
  Not dying tonight. And then that passes. It passes and it's a different quality of effort to stay on the road. So you correct for the drift away. Because we exist in a seamless existence, awareness, body, breath, all seamlessly aligned.
• 14:09
  You could think of effort as just correcting for the drift away. You don't make breath be there by concentrating on it. It's already there when it's there. You don't make experiencing of yourself happen. That's what you are.
• 14:33
  But when you drift away from that. So the effort is like a corrective. You correct for the drift away immediately sometimes. You have a kind of vividness. You do not want to drive off the cliff and plunge into the ocean of fantasy or dullness.
• 14:59
  And whatever else can really just, they kind of snatch your practice away for a moment. Which is how it goes. We drift away. Over and over and over and over. So sometimes what's asked for in sincere practice is an unrelenting correction of the drift away.
• 15:26
  That's what it would mean to be really wholehearted. It's a little challenging if we don't have some sense of the fruit of meditation to understand why we would bring that kind of intensity. Why wouldn't we be like kind of like, Yeah, I concentrate sometimes. But other times I just think about stuff. It's quiet in here.
• 16:04
  You have to really have a taste or faith in the people who talk about the tastes of what's possible here to not really let that happen all the time. So sincere practice is an unrelenting correction of the drift away. When you're doing walking meditation, when you're eating, when you're working, when you're on your breaks, all of it is accumulative staying on the road. So typically, it's the case that when we're new to practice or at the beginning of a retreat, it's really important to be unrelenting. Unrelenting.
• 17:04
  Be really, just be really into this. Even just pretend that you're super into it. You're super into just having your attention right with your method of practice which in essence is nowness. And you will experience a lot of things falling away if you persist in that. You will experience things opening in your heart and mind.
• 17:36
  Now, practice is like a road. It's like a path. It's not static. It's not monolithic. There's different terrain.
• 17:47
  There are smooth patches and rough patches. Right? There are traffic jams and empty roads. And so, we might even be in the midst of a time of unrelenting bringing attention back. And as the fruit of our effort, and it's mysterious how this happens, all of a sudden attention is just resting.
• 18:13
  Just like when you're driving and you get through the rough patch, you can go back to just having your fingers gently on the wheel. And there is abiding, there's staying, there's natural presence. Just experiencing this body breath moment. So, when there is staying, your effort is different, it's subtler. It's more like a gentle nudge or more like some kind of, watchfulness.
• 19:02
  You're in a readiness to bring attention back if and when because it will wander. Some styles of teaching really go head on against the mind. Alright? Stop thinking. Don't do that.
• 19:38
  Cut. Cut off thoughts. Just let them go. Let them go. Let them go.
• 19:43
  And for some people that, approach has its merits. I'm emphasizing more for you just get really involved. Get into the details of your body breath or whatever the method you're settled in. Because as you do that, as you get past the initial stages of that, thoughts are not really that compelling. Fantasies are not as compelling as that.
• 20:17
  The texture is different for everybody with that really alive, intimate, sometimes blissful, spacious, real, real taste of life. Thoughts are about life. They're not the vivid thing. So you can understand, this is a very alive practice Zen meditation. I have some concern about people coming to dharma, younger people who sort of have a YouTube orientation to it.
• 21:01
  It's been so easy and so accessible and so passive. I can just turn on my computer and there I am with the great so and so. And because screens are a place we do lots of passive being, we sometimes think that this practice of meditation when we do it even in meat space, oh it's just passive. Just sort of hang out and something will happen. There's a great receptivity to meditation but it's never passive.
• 21:41
  It's never passive. There is, you could say, yin styles of engagement and yang styles of engagement. But it's never passive. In a way you don't really ever take your hands off the wheel. You just change how you hold it.
• 22:05
  The practice is not static. You will encounter things that you don't quite have some memory of good advice about how to meet necessarily. And you have to be resourceful. How do I actually work with this state that I'm in right now? Based on the wisdom of the teachings and the wisdom that I have, how do I meet this?
• 22:41
  So this is asking for moment by moment responsiveness. Moment by moment responsiveness. Sometimes being intense, and sometimes utter yielding. I'm aware that some people have fixed beliefs that I am such and such kind of a person and I can't practice like that. Or I am that kind of person, can't practice like this.
• 23:17
  But everybody is invited into a full range of meeting the moment. You might be surprised. You might be underestimating how much intensity there is in you for this practice of ending suffering. Especially when you start to touch the gravity of it. Maybe it's the most important thing.
• 23:58
  Maybe it's the first thing you've ever been able to fully believe in. Now it's true for me. You could underestimate the spiritual power in you that cuts through. That can dissolve the superfluous waves of distraction. You can underestimate just how much passion you have to know your true nature.
• 24:31
  To not be at the mercy of the conditioned heart and mind. You might underestimate how much love and self respect there is in you. There is a big tender heart underneath whatever crust there may be. There is a big tender heart that can embrace all of what we are. There's a big tender heart that can accept.
• 25:11
  Can accept. What do we really know if we don't know that about ourselves? What do we really have if we don't have that big tender heart that can accept, that can yield into what is. Now the good news is we do have it. So we are doing a very alive practice.
• 25:48
  It's so much more than a mental exercise. And I want to talk about auxiliary practices that can reconnect you with your motivation when it flags. Realign you with it. Remind you of it. So these are auxiliary in the sense that you don't spend hours and hours doing them.
• 26:14
  You touch into them at the beginning of a period or the beginning of a day or when you need them. So first of all, to normalize fluctuating motivation. That's just normal as a human being. People who are always totally into what they're doing are unusual. Right?
• 26:43
  Are pretty rare. The rest of us, our motivation fluctuates. That's okay. In the fluctuations of motivation, mature practice is being steadfast with effort even when you're not inspired. Inspiration can be like this golden chain that we become dependent on.
• 27:11
  Needing to be inspired in order to show up for our life. Needing to be inspired in order to do our practice. Actually, you don't need to be inspired before you do it. But the interesting thing is that if you do it, you are in the source of inspiration. And generally, juice begins to come our way.
• 27:42
  We have fluctuations. We ride them. In a retreat like this, part of the, genius of it is the Han sound and you have to come whether or not you happen to feel like, I'd like to go meditate. Because if we left it up to our interest, boy, there'd be a lot of people in bed. Tradition and the sangha, we share our motivation.
• 28:15
  We're lifted up in that. So the first auxiliary practice that you could try is to ask, invite your spiritual ancestors or beneficent forces to aid you. Exercise the muscle of asking, inviting, guidance and energy that is just beyond your, my low body mind. It's not all dependent on this little body mind. There are larger forces.
• 28:57
  But we have to be open to them. It may be the case that they are always intervening and infusing and guiding and that our minds are often, just too gross, too material to really notice that and appreciate that. But we can, invite this kind of relationship. And so it's prayer like. It's like, Please lend me your strength.
• 29:33
  Or please pop my bubbles of fantasy when they arise. There was a well known, yogini in India named Naguma and she had a prayer and one of the lines is, Precious teacher, give me energy to see through life's illusions. Precious teacher, give me energy to know that mind is beginningless. Precious teacher, give me energy that I may let go of reactivity. That's the kind of spirit.
• 30:11
  And you may have some being in mind that you want to call out to. You could just call out. You could just ask. You could use your imagination, use words. It could just be something you feel in your heart space.
• 30:31
  And if you're a die hard materialist, well maybe you're not calling out to some invisible essences. You're just really calling on your own higher intent. Many of these chants that we do are trying to activate that. Calling out to our own higher intent. Resonating that.
• 30:59
  Chosen Roshi used to say, If you are intent on awakening, do these prayers and then say, and this is a scary one, I am willing to let go of whatever is necessary. Careful what you wish for. So this is good as a short ritual when you first sit down to practice. You can just try it out. And you don't try it once.
• 31:29
  You don't even try it 10 times. You try it 50, a 100 times. You really give it a go just to develop the the relationship, to activate the muscle in you. Now, the second one is quite traditional and its danger is it's a little bit more conceptual. And it can give our mind an excuse to just cogitate for longer than it needs to.
• 32:05
  So don't do that. But, The second auxiliary practice, tried and true for thousands of years is to reflect on your existential condition. So when we forget our existential condition which our culture is based on such a thing, completely organized around this. It's easier for us to have a part that takes over that thinks, why am I doing this? Watching Hulu mindfully is meditation.
• 32:43
  I just need to burn some incense. Or we think, I'm non dual and there's nothing to gain from meditation. Where can I meet a sexy being to complete me? The import of spiritual practice becomes lost to us. The logic begins to become distant and the, instinctual and culturally reinforced mind that says the purpose of life is to secure power and pleasure and make some progeny.
• 33:22
  All of that just starts doing what it does. That's how we got this far as human beings. These instincts for power and pleasure and making progeny. So here's a traditional form of contemplating our existential reality. And this is just my paraphrase of it.
• 33:51
  I posted this on the bulletin boards because, some of you may not have good memory skills. If you wish to try this, so what you could do is you could, before coming into the Zen Do, just read that on the bulletin board. And it has to be reflected on. Its truth has to be reflected on because ideas are cheap. But for it really to penetrate the heart is another matter.
• 34:18
  That takes, reflection. So this is, just a version that popped in my mind of what's called the four thoughts that turn the mind. First is suffering. Suffering. I am currently a suffering style of being.
• 34:37
  When circumstances become difficult or displeasing, and they will, my mind easily turns to restlessness, aggression, complaint or despair. That sucks. I need to undo this through the practice of dharma. I'll repeat it. Suffering.
• 34:57
  I am currently a suffering style of being. When things don't go my way, and they won't go my way, my mind easily turns to anxiety, combativeness, complaint, or depression. That is painful to live with. I need to undo this through the practice of dharma. Number two, impermanence.
• 35:24
  Impermanence. Not a single thing in the world of appearance lasts. Everything is in the process of change. Therefore, I shouldn't cling to any person, thing, or institution as my primary source of reliable contentment. I need to align with my true nature to have a stable internal basis of contentment and joy.
• 35:53
  Impermanence, not a single single thing in the world can be depended on. It's all passing away. I shouldn't hold on to any feeling, situation, or way of being as an ultimate primary source of reliable contentment. I need to see this mind to the very bottom. Or else I'll just be knocked about by the winds of change.
• 36:22
  Number three, karma. The things I do with my speech, body, and mind have real effects that are shaping and reshaping my future and my past. I shouldn't avoid taking responsibility for my actions. Otherwise, I fool and betray myself. Karma.
• 36:46
  The things I do with my speech, body, and mind have real effects that shape and reshape my future and my past. I cannot avoid the consequences of my actions. My deeds are the ground on which I stand. Number four. Death.
• 37:08
  I don't get to be this person for all that long. This character called myself comes to an end, and I don't know how soon that will be. Feeling this truth in myself, what is meaningful? What is a distraction? Death.
• 37:30
  I don't get to be this person for all that long and everyone I love also is of the nature of fading away. We will all vanish and our opportunity to do something in life is going to stop. Feeling this truth in myself, what is superfluous in my mind? What should we let go of? So these are, supposed to be kind of sobering truths.
• 38:03
  They're supposed to be reminders that just align us with, Oh, okay. I actually am in this situation where I can practice the dharma quite deeply. All the conditions are here. Therefore, I'm going to really put myself into it. I'm going to really put myself into it.
• 38:28
  And that is what I would like to ask of each of you. Because you do love and respect your self and you do not want to suffer. This is a fact. Please put yourself into this practice really wholeheartedly. You're here.
• 38:49
  You are not somewhere else. You are in a dharma center, in a meditation hall, in a retreat. And just engage that as best you can. The practices are very simple. The container is very, very kind, very spacious, very, supportive.
• 39:12
  The forest and the rain is on your team. The food is delicious. The company is excellent. We have all the conditions to engage this very meaningful, very vital practice of waking up. Please make a commitment to yourself to really make the most of it.
• 39:38
  Now, that looks different for each person. Some people who have lots of energy, who don't have any health issues, that means maybe they come in here and sit on every break. We end at night and they keep meditating because who needs eight hours of sleep when you're 25? For some people that means appropriately resting. Taking care of the body not pushing such that we exacerbate an illness or a sickness we have.
• 40:13
  All of us can keep just dropping the proliferating mind and come back to the living energy of right here, right now. There's absolutely nothing to lose from that. At least nothing worth worrying about losing. So, we're off to a good start. We're beginning to settle.
• 40:42
  Beginning to taste what's meant by dharma. Beginning to make positive impressions in our being by doing the practices. We'll be beginning group interviews shortly. In the group interviews, it's not like a group discussion so much as a time for me with some help from Miyo Yu to just, encounter each person and check-in about how your practice is going. You don't need to have a question.
• 41:14
  You don't need to have a problem. We just see what arises out of that, check-in and maybe there'll be some, fruitful exchange of words and energy. We will silently be witnessing each other's process so that creates connection. And of course, none of us is special. So what someone else is going through, we're in exactly the same boat.
• 41:42
  So there's a richness to the group interviews. Hope So, all is well and may it be well and please cherish, protect, guard, endeavor in your practice as best you know how. Thank you.
• 42:09
  Jomon: Thank you for listening to the Zen Community of Oregon podcast, and thank you for your practice. New episodes air every week. Please consider making a donation at zendust.org. Your support supports us.