Latest / Aging ain't for Sissies / Still In A Hurry

Transcript

Still In A Hurry · Aging ain't for Sissies

• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: Hello and welcome to Aging Ape for Sissies.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: My name is Marcy Backis and I am your hostess.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: Host hostess?
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm something.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: Anywhere.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: Any, my goodness, tongue-tied already this morning.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: Well, or this afternoon.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome, welcome, welcome.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: If you're new to Aging April Sissies, I'm glad you're here.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: And if you are a longtime listener, I really want to thank you.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: It has been a crazy couple of days here in Chicago.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: We've had some crazy weather.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: We just had a little bit.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm looking at out over the lake, and there's still a lot of lightning and thunder happening there.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: So if you hear a clap of thunder, it's just a little reminder that I live in Chicago and uh it can be a little noisy in the daytime here.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: Hope everything is well with you.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: Everything is great with me.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: I, you know, I uh at the beginning of the week, I went out on Monday and had lunch with my sister-in-law, but I did a bunch of errands, and I was at Walmart and getting stuff, and it's the first day of like summer break, and there's a mom, and she's got two little boys and a little girl in the cart, and they're running amok.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I hear her say, if you do not behave, I am gonna take every toy in that house and I'm gonna throw it away.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought you go, girl, I was a threatening, empty threat mom myself.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: Got me absolutely nowhere.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: But I it just, I don't know.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: I laughed.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: I laughed out loud.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: I thought it was so funny and I I felt for her, but I was also glad, just glad I wasn't her.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um grateful for the age I am, grateful for the life I'm living.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: I my friend Diana says I I'm living my best life, and I truly am.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: This week we went to Millennium Park and uh listened to West Side Story, the music, so great.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: Today we have Movie Club.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what movie it is.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um tomorrow I have a luncheon with all my girlfriends at the yacht club.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: What else?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: I just oh, and this weekend going to the art fair, old town art fair.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: I I just have so many wonderful things going on.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: And that's something about summer in Chicago.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: We get 100 days, that's it, people.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: And when it's gone, it's gone.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's not like California or Arizona where you don't make it a little chilly or ooh, it's in the 60s.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: I know that's cold.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'm such a smart ass now, but you'll get a 90-degree day in December.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: Well, let me tell you, when it's gone here, it's gone.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: So we enjoy every minute of it.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: I spend time out on my deck.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: Just right now, I'm living my best life.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: Craig and I are planning our trip to France in October.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: I have a trip to California coming up in July.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: I have a trip to Arizona coming up in August.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: Life is good.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: I have no complaints, none.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Or my dad used to say I have no legitimate complaints.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: How about you?
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: Any complaints?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: If you do, I'm sorry.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: If you're here to escape, then let's escape.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: Because today we are talking about why we are still in such a hurry.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: So I want to again welcome you to Aging Aim for Sissies.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: I am Marcy, and as always, I am glad you are here.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: Before we jump into today's topic, I want to ask you a question.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: Have you noticed that everyone seems to be in a hurry?
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: And not just young people, not just the people working full-time, all of us, including me.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'm rushing to the gym, rushing to doctor's appointments, rushing through errands, rushing through conversations, rushing through vacations, rushing through retirement.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: And the other day I caught myself hurrying through a beautiful summer afternoon in Chicago.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: The sun was shining, the weather was perfect, and I had nowhere important to be.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: And somehow I was still rushing, and I stopped and thought, what exactly am I hurrying for?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: Have you ever thought that?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: Have you wondered why?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: Are you blessed enough to have been the person that slowed down?
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: Now you know me, I'm a preacher.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a preacher gal, and I've preached to you that it's okay to lay on the couch in the afternoon, it's okay to read your book, it's okay to listen to your book.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I subscribe to that and I do that a lot.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: But I also rush and hurry through things.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I wonder, why am I actually hurrying?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: At this stage of life, haven't we earned the right to slow down a little?
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: Because here is the truth.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm a truthsayer.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: Here is the truth.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: Many of us spent 40 years working, raising families, paying bills, building careers, taking care of everybody else.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: We dreamed about having more freedom.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: And now that we have it, we're still running and rushing through it.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: And today I want to talk about why.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think we may be rushing rushing through some of the best years of our life.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so take a sip of that tea, coffee, diet coke, whatever you got.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: If you have a beer, a glass of wine, if you're sitting on a deck looking out at a beautiful view, if you're in traffic and you want to strangle the person in front, beside, or behind you, take a deep breath.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: Let's breathe in.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: Breathe out.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: Reset that regulatory system.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: And let's remember when retirement seemed like the magical destination.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: You'd have time, time to travel, time to read, time to relax, time to enjoy life.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: And then retirement arrived.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: And for me, no sooner did retirement arrive than cancer arrived too.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: And suddenly your calendar looked just as full as it did before, maybe fuller.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: Doctor's appointments, volunteer work.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: I almost fell into that trap.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, liar, liar face.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: I am in that trap at church, but I love it.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: But I went to a few things and thought I was going to volunteer hither and yawn.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I did stop that before it happened.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: But you thought you'd have all this time to enjoy life.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: And it arrived.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: And all these things, your grandchildren, exercise classes, church activities, lunch with friends, home projects, and let's not forget all the health maintenance.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: That is a full time job, as I talked about last week.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's a full-time job in itself.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: Apparently, aging is a full-time job.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: It comes with homework.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody warned me about that.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: We've talked about it.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: We're doing all these things, counting steps, lifting weights, drinking water, schedule screenings.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: Honestly, aging does feel like a part-time job.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: So sometimes I can understand why we're rushing through things.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: There's the pressure to stay productive.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: I think many of us grew up believing that being busy meant we were valuable.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: Let that sink in.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: You let it sink in, I'm gonna look out at the lightning.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: All right, does that sunk in?
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Productive meant value.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Being busy.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: If you were productive, you were successful.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: If you were resting, maybe you were just lazy.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: That mindset is hard to shake, and none of that is true.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: Let me tell you, your parents told you that crap, it's not true.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: I know my dad believed that.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not true.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: But it's a hard-to-shake mindset, isn't it?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: Even in retirement.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: Even in your 60s, your 70s, possibly your 80s.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're 90 and listening, God bless you, thank you.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: That means you know how to listen to podcasts, and I'm impressed.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: We feel guilty sitting still, guilty taking naps, guilty spending a whole afternoon reading, guilty doing absolutely nothing.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: Can I tell you something?
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes doing nothing is exactly what you need.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: Not every minute needs to be productive.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: So today I went to the gym.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: I went and got a facial.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: I have this great subscription to clean your dirty face.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: I pay for a full month.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: I can get as many facials as I want.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: So I get a facial a week now.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm worth it.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: But I took the bus because I was tired at the gym and I didn't feel like walking all the way there.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's probably a half a mile, but I wasn't in the mood.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: Took the bus, walked home, started raining on my walk home, made some lunch, and I was gonna sit down and do these podcasts.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: I thought, Marcy, you're a little tired.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: Got up early, worked out, did a lot of walking.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: Learning to figure out the bus schedules here and learning that's a little stressful for me, but I do it.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'd like to do hard things.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I laid down on the couch for an hour.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: Got up, and look at me doing my podcast.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: We feel guilty for taking naps.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: And again, sometimes doing nothing is exactly what you need.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: Not every minute needs to be productive, not every hobby needs to become a side hustle.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: That's a hard one for me.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: I have my great craft box here, and I occasionally do things, not as often as I like.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: And then I always think, oh, can I make money with this?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's just stupid.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: Just do it for the love.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: Not every walk needs to count towards our fitness goals.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that one I have a hard time with.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: Have you ever forgotten your watch when you went to the gym and thought, oh my God, I'm not getting credit for this?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: That's sick, see?
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: Twisted thinking.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes a walk can just be a walk.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: What a concept.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: We're missing the little things.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: One of the saddest consequences of rushing is that we stop noticing things.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: We stop noticing flowers blooming outside, the neighbor you've never spoken to, the laughter of your grandchildren, the conversation with a friend, the beautiful sunset, the perfect cup of coffee, the ordinary moments that come with the memories.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: When I think back on my life, I don't remember the days I was rushing.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: I remember the moments I was present.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: If you're of a certain age, you're starting to lose your friends.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: And not because you're not friends anymore, because they're not here anymore.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember my mom telling me, who the hell said these are your golden years?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: Every time I answer the phone, somebody died.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not there yet.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: But it's happening.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe it's happened a lot for you.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: So slow down.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: You want to remember the moments you were present, the family dinners, the vacations, the unexpected conversations, the laughter.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: My gosh, the laughter, the connection, the little things.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's what we're really after.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: Not efficiency, not productivity, connection.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: I have a handful of unhoused individuals that I have become acquainted with in the city.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: There's Georgiana.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: There's the man on the corner.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: There's Carell.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: There's Andrew.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: I know them.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: They know me.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's important for me every time I see them to stop and talk.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: It slows me down.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: I stop rushing.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm never too busy to have a conversation with Georgiana while she's feeding the birds with her crooked glasses, her black coat that she's been wearing every day for the four years I've known her.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: My job is not to fix things for these people.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: There are people in the city doing that.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: Housing them, feeding them.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: My job is to remind them that they're human.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: And for me to remember I'm a human.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: I think that that's important.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: I know that my church, and I know that Fourth Press, and I know that Holy Name, all the cathedrals in my neighborhood, have programs to help people.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: My job is to make sure that Georgiana knows she matters.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: My job is to make sure that Carell is not scaring people on the street.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: My job is to make sure Andrew can connect with someone.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: My job is the man in the wheelchair that sits under the tree and greets me every day with a God bless you, you look beautiful today, to look him in the eye and tell him good morning.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: I've learned a lot living in this city.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm learning to slow down.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: I love technology.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: I host podcasts for God's sakes.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: I use AI.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: I love being able to connect with people.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: But technology has trained us to expect everything immediately.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: Immediate answers, immediate purchases, immediate communication, immediate entertainment.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: For God's sakes, we've made Jeff Bezos one of the most richest people on the planet because he tapped into our need for speed.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: We've become uncomfortable with waiting.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: Think about that.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: I just said it.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: Friendships take time.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: Trust takes time.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: Trust takes time.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Rebuilding trust takes time.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: Healing takes time.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my God, I had my cancer surgery a year ago, January.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: I finished my radiation in July.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: It'll be a year in July.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still suffering from radiation pain.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: Healing takes time.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: Grief takes time.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what else takes time?
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: Growth.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: There is no app that can speed up wisdom.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: And thank goodness for that.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not doing this anymore.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: I am not rushing through experiences just so I can get to the next thing.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I am going to work so hard on that.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm having lunch with a friend, I will be present.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm traveling, I will enjoy my trip.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: I have to be honest, Craig and I travel a lot.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: After a few days traveling, sometimes I'm thinking about getting home.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: But I am going to each trip this year, I've got three on the books right now.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: I am going to enjoy every moment.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm sitting at my friend Annette's house on her deck having coffee, you bet your ass I'm going to enjoy it.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now I love to take pictures because I love the memories.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes taking a picture takes us out of the moment.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to do my best to balance that.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm actually going to try to enjoy the moment I'm in.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: And yes, I'm 65.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not super old, but I'm not young anymore.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: Time is valuable, not because there's less of it, but because we finally understand how precious it is.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: We're not old going, oh my gosh, we've got no time left.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: We've lived long enough to understand how precious it is.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: When we're younger, we think we have forever.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: As we get older, we realize forever was never guaranteed, even when we were young.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: That realization can be scary, but it can also be freeing.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: It helps us focus, it helps us appreciate, it helps us stop wasting energy on things that don't matter.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe that's the real gift of aging: perspective.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: The ability to recognize what deserves our attention and what doesn't.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: Did you hear me?
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to say that again.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: It gives us the perspective and the ability to recognize what deserves our attention and what doesn't.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: Quick little commercial for my other two podcasts, Unbottled and Inside Marcy's mind.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: You can find them right where you found this one.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: If you need anything that I've I've promised you, it's on my website.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_01: You can click on um MarcyBacchusmedia.com.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: You can find everything you need there.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: Episodes to my other podcasts.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: You can find any of the printables that I have for you.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's all there.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: So this week I do want to leave you with a challenge.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: I want you to slow down.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: You move too fast.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: You got to make the morning last.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know the song.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: Slow down.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: Slow down, not forever.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: Just a little.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: Sit outside for 10 minutes.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_01: Call a friend.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: Watch a sunset.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: Take a walk without your phone.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: Drink your coffee while it's hot.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: Actually taste your food.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_01: That's a big one right there.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: I forgot I wrote that.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: Actually taste your food.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: Notice your life.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: Because these aren't the years we should be rushing through.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: These are the years we've earned, everyone.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: Let's enjoy them.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_01: I want to thank you as always for spending, what is it, 20 minutes with me today?
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for giving that gift to yourself to stop, to slow down, and to listen.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_01: If you've enjoyed today's episode, share it with a friend who could use a reminder to slow down.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: And remember, we're not aging quietly, we're aging intentionally.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_01: Until next time, keep laughing, keep learning, keep moving, and keep noticing the good stuff.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_01: Doggone it, there is enough negativity out there to sink a battleship.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_01: Ignore it, notice the good stuff, notice it slowly because my friends, aging or