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EP90: Mss Francois · Unpause Your Life

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: You are listening to Unpause your Life with Doctor Kelly
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  as Says and Master Coach Jenny Fontana, founders of the
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  Life Coach method. Each one of our uplifting and deep
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  dive episodes is geared to help you tackle the things
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  that hold you back from having the most magnificent life
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  you deserved. Sit back, relax, and prepare to be coached.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome done Pause your Life guys with doctor Calli Estis
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  and my guest today is Miss Francois coming from Trinidad
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  and Tobago and her specialty is working specifically with relationships,
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  not getting you a man or finding you a man,
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  but how to keep your man. So, without further ado,
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  I'd like to welcome you to Unpause your Life. Tell
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  us a little bit about you and how you got
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  into that Hi.
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  Speaker 3: So, as she said, my name is miss for just
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  make sure you are spelled that correctly, it's MSS, which
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  stands for multi Talented and super Sexy. I am originally
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  from trinindand Tobago, hence my beautiful accent and how I
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  got into some of the stuff that I'm doing. So basically, honestly,
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  I had a lot of bad relationships.
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  Speaker 4: I'm gonna be honest, they suck, right.
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  Speaker 3: So after a while I found myself going into relationships
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  and relationship and I wasn't healing. So I was bringing
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  my baggages, my purse, doubble bags, everything to the new
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  relationships and I realize, you I needed to pause. So
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  I have a TV show called The misfrans Word Show,
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  which uses humor to help others with their dysfunctional relationships.
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  Speaker 4: And that's all of us.
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  Speaker 3: All our relationship is dysfunctional in some way, shape or form,
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  So I basically am responsible for I have this group
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  called the Striving Goddesses where I help other women exploring
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  new relationships or healing from broken relationships, help them to
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  rediscover their self identity and confidently transition to the next
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  chapter of their life. So that's basically what I do.
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  Speaker 2: In a nutshell, that's awesome, that's much needed, because I
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  think there's a lot of people out there in the
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  dating side of things, help you find a man, help
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  you find a relationship, but very few people actually working
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  with the issues within a relationship, not necessarily therapy, But
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  what do you do when this arises or what do
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  you do when that arises? And nobody's using humor, which
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  is awesome, So make me.
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  Speaker 3: The special.
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  Speaker 4: So that's the thing that I'm found. Like I said,
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  it's a lot of life experiences.
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  Speaker 3: Because sometime people like to tell you how to do
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  stuff and they have not even had any of these experiences.
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  It's really nice to write a book, but it's good
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  when you have people in a circle, people you talk
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  to and you yourself experiences and things. So even with
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  my show, when I first started my show, it was
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  I never thought of other people. It was me trying
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  to heal at the same time. So I realized instead
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  of me eating away my problems crying all the days abating,
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  I started to look at different things that happen and
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  some of them actually was kind of funny. And many
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  of us look back at relationships and we find the
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  simplest thing funny, like oh my god, he wasntven that cute?
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  Speaker 4: Why was I stressing? Right?
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  Speaker 3: But when it was in the moment, he was all
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  love with w Right. So with my show, I have
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  like different experts that come on. I could be coaches,
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  it could be regular people just talking about what they experience.
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  Speaker 4: Some one of my favorite set.
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  Speaker 3: Of episode is when I have multiple people, like three
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  different men or women and we're asking them what do
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  they think men want? From different perspectives. But it's fun.
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  I make it fun. And again having human anything, it
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  produces like indoorphins.
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  Speaker 4: It's it's like a painkiller. It's producing.
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  Speaker 3: You could connect more people, listen, more people see more.
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  It's so much things that come with laughter that people
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  are not realizing. So I find that's the best way
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  to transfer some information.
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  Speaker 2: It also takes your defenses down. When you come in
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  with humor, it's like break the ice and you feel
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  more comfortable talking about hot button topics or getting to
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  the cause of something when you feel comfortable. And if
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  you come in and you don't feel comfortable, you don't
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  want to talk about it, and they say, how do
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  you feel?
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  Speaker 4: I feel fine.
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  Speaker 2: But if you break the ice and it's fun and
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  it's funny, it's I don't feel fine. Here's what's going on? Right,
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  And it's so.
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  Speaker 3: Much easy having some fun conversations, you know, and mixing
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  it up a bit.
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  Speaker 4: You know that all the time you want to sit
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  there and be like, well he did this.
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  Speaker 3: And I always tell people one day talking the issues
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  or relationship with your friends. If you know this, you
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  keep you keep telling like ten different people the same
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  issues and you're not even healing from it. And then
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  you have the friends that's receiving the information, just adding
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  feel to the fire, you know, and that's not what
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  it's cute in the beginning. But six, seven, eight, ten
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  months through, two years later you're like, and he did
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  me this? And I feel like people are not focusing
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  on the healing process.
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  Speaker 4: They're just they can't be angry.
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  Speaker 3: I've known people who've been married for how many years
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  and they're like, well, when you was, does he cheated
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  on me?
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  Speaker 4: Then it's like, what.
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  Speaker 2: Yep, it's funny because I lost my husband two years ago.
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  He passed away, and I started dating and I have
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  a bad habit of picking the red flag guys. So
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  my friend, it was a psychologist, set me this box
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  and it was twenty red flags, and I was traveling
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  all around the country and she said, every time you
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  see a hot guy, just hold up the red flag.
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  So I started videoing myself and here I am and
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  I'm sending it to her and she says, girl, they
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  all look the same. I said, what do you mean.
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  She goes, they're all tattooed, they're all convicted bellans.
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  Speaker 4: You have a type.
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  Speaker 2: I went, oh, I do have a type. And she
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  goes and they're all red flags. And it took her
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  to see that because I was like, I don't see that,
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  you know, And I would get into these relationships and go,
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  what's wrong with me?
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  Speaker 4: Though? I love that? Yeah, So it was Bunny, that's
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  how do the red flag?
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  Speaker 3: I realized, we know we have that feeling in there
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  right second brain tells us, Yet we make up these
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  whole excuses, well you know, he's a little different, and
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  maybe this and maybe that, until you know we're in there,
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  and then it takes longer to even walk away.
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  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, but that's absolutely really awesome.
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  Speaker 2: I was standing on the pier. I don't know if
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  you know California, but I'm on the pier in Manhattan
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  Beach and I'm looking around. I'm like, wow, there's a
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  lot of nice, good looking men, and I'm thinking, okay,
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  I'm gonna do the flag thing. So I did the
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  flag thing, and I'm sending him to her. She's got no, no, no,
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  maybe no. I'm like all those nose and she goes
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  to all the time.
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  Speaker 5: But we do that a type like we all have
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  and I tell it, it's okay to have a type,
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  but it's also okay to maybe not always date your time,
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  or at least be open enough, you know, have a conversation,
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  have coffee, have tea, have a light drink.
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  Speaker 3: Keeping But everyone is like, oh, that's not my type. Yeah,
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  but maybe you could be missing your blessing looking.
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  Speaker 4: For your type. Who's a convicted felon. Right, that's true.
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  Speaker 2: So give my listeners one piece of advice. If they're
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  in a relationship and they're struggling to communicate with their partner,
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  what can they do better? What can they do different?
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  Speaker 3: Okay, well, I would say I'm I'm not a relationship
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  coach because I would say I just did with healing.
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  But overall, when it comes to any type of relationship,
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  is the number one thing that I think people mess
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  up a lot is the listening part. Right, A lot
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  of times we don't listen. We're ready to defend, we're
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  ready to solve the issue. No one is listening to
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  exactly what you're saying. And if someone listens, one of
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  the best ways to know that you yourself is listening.
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  Repeat what the person is saying in a form of clarifying.
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  So you're saying you feel this way because when this
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  happens also, and that's the person who is listening. Also,
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  when you are talking to someone, you shouldn't. When we
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  tend to talk to people, we talk as we immediately
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  blaming the person. I think you should speak more in
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  a reference of what you experience. Now you make me
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  feel and this is your fault, moby like, when this happens,
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  my experience is a B and C instead of you
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  always leave this here and because of you, I'm angry.
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  It's it's we always have a conversation like we're in
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  a fight, and we shouldn't be fighting. We should be
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  listening and listening to understand, listening to clarify before we
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  go to the next level and try to solve the issue.
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  Speaker 2: Awesome, that's great advice because a lot of people we
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  don't listen to hear. We listen to respond, so we
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  already have an answer before we hear the question, and
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  then the person doesn't feel heard a lot of times.
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  Speaker 4: Right, and then it just you know, everything just goes
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  down from there.
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  Speaker 3: Yep.
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  Speaker 4: I know, I'm pretty smart.
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  Speaker 1: You are.
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  Speaker 2: This is awesome. It's so interesting because I think so
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  many people go to therapy to fix themselves. And therapy
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  isn't fun. I've been a therapist for thirty three years.
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  It's not fun. It's dirty and it's crying, and then
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  they leave and they're not happy, and they come back
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  and it's still not happy. But using humor and to
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  get to some of these things, it makes life so
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  much simpler and so much more fun. So give me
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  an example of the best client or who is your
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  ideal client to work with?
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  Speaker 3: Okay, So first of all women, because I like to
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  make sure I'm in my niche of things right, and
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  so this is my thing.
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  Speaker 4: So I don't work with couples.
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  Speaker 3: I normally do one on women, and I have to
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  do with women because I say, at the end of
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  the day, instead of we always blaming the other parties,
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  certain things, we need to take responsibil ability for because
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  at the end of the day, it's always two people
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  in the situation, right. So my person is definitely ideally
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  a female. And I woke with people anyway from like
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  twenty five into their forties. The relationship time. By the
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  time you and you're late for these you're kind of.
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  Speaker 4: Slowing down a lot.
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  Speaker 3: So those are the people I tend to work for,
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  and my ideal client is someone honestly just come. This
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  is the people that are, like too many people I
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  work with, this people healing. But at the same time,
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  the ones that are ready or feel that they're ready
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  to go out dating.
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  Speaker 4: They all they'd.
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  Speaker 3: Already healed, but they're excited about the new challenges and
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  new adventure. And I think even with that excitement, I
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  kind of have to reel them back in because you
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  really have to access up.
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  Speaker 4: Are you seriously ready?
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  Speaker 3: It sounds really nice getting free food and dinners and
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  flowers really cute.
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  Speaker 4: Are you really ready? And why are you? Do you
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  think you're ready? So I even have something where I
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  call are you ready to date?
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  Speaker 3: Which is like ten intro suspected questions to like access
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  out because sometimes even if why are you ready to date?
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  Speaker 4: What are you dating for? Is it for a companionship?
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  Speaker 3: Maybe you're just honey, I don't know, but it's like
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  finding out the real reason behind whatever you're doing.
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  Speaker 4: So when you're going.
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  Speaker 3: You'll even find those red flags even faster because if
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  he said, oh, I'm ready for a good time, and
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  you're like, no, I'm ready for something I committed relationship,
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  don't stay in yes, and what I'm gonna wear him down.
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  Speaker 4: Maybe once he discover how amazing I am, he going
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  to be ready to.
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  Speaker 3: So just knowing yourself, I'm figuring out you ready today.
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  Speaker 2: Awesome, That's great, And I think that's needed because I
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  was just thinking back to when I was dating. I
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  wasn't getting the flowers and the free dinners. I was
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  getting the guys who were like, well, I don't don't
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  have my wallet. I had that. I had the let's
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  do cocaine in the bathroom, and I'm like, you're fifty
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  four years old. I am not doing cocaine with you
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  in the bathroom. Like you know what I do for living.
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  I'm an addictions coach, for God's sake.
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  Speaker 4: I was yet, No, I don't know in the bathroom.
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  I do it in the house, in the living room.
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  Speaker 2: I have two friends that are single and they are
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  just like, it's like a war zone out there, and
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  I'm going to send them both to you because I
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  don't think they're clear on what they're looking for. So
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  they're just accepting every guy that comes by. Okay, I'll
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  go with that. When I'll go with it, I see.
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  Speaker 3: That's the thing, and that's the thing technically from what
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  I hear, and not ready to date, because sometimes when
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  you start a date or that desperation or loneliness, that's
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  the worst because you're taking any and anything that's very
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  and a lot of people because I'm myself is single.
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  Right for a majority that was on purpose, because again
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  I needed some time to re evaluate certain things.
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  Speaker 4: Right.
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  Speaker 3: But what I do realize, and I realize this is
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  with people that I attract, we are who we attract.
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  Speaker 4: You exude certain things. I believe it's just putting yourself.
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  Speaker 3: If you love doing certain things, put yourself in those
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  places and just continue just being you. Because I have
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  been attracting guys, and each guy I meet, I'm glad.
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  Speaker 4: To say has been better than the next.
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  Speaker 3: So I can't wait to see if it's Trevor Noah
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  I'm going to be with, because that's my ideal. But
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  I'm a lot more open even doing all these things
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  that I do now, it's even much more even healing
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  for me and even brings me more clarity in some
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  of the stuff that I want for myself. And I said,
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  like even talking to people I can relate because I'm
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  in I am single at this present time, so I
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  know what I'm looking for as soon as he don't
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  even have to put I don't even have to see
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  the whole reflag.
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  Speaker 4: I just had to see the stem, and I'm running.
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  Speaker 3: Be like maybe I think No, even on data and apps,
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  people say exactly what it is they want, we just
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  don't listen.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true. That is one hundred percent true. And
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  then we even overlook certain things they may lie about
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  their age or the kids they have or the job
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  they have, like, oh, what's not that big of a deeo.
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  And then we get down that rabbit hole, you know,
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  five months, six months, it's like, oh, wait, this is
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  a big deal because this was on my list of
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  what I wanted, but the person didn't show up and
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  I just overlooked it and figured it out.
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  Speaker 4: To'll figure it out.
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  Speaker 2: Well, they didn't figure it out, and now in a situation,
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  so that makes a lot of sense.
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  Speaker 3: And even with that, what I do notice, you know,
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  you're getting older, And I like to mix age and
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  experience because sometimes I have this thing.
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  Speaker 4: They say age is just a number.
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  Speaker 3: I say it's not just a number, because it hopefully
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  when we learn certain things, we do better with new
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  things that we learn some people do, right, but as
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  you get older, so she would men. Men most of
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  the time, I already know what they want. There's no confusion.
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  Speaker 4: Women still an know be emotional. I don't know. Oh
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  my god, whatever.
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  Speaker 3: Oh I see the picket fence and you know the
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  guy for like twenty four hours.
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  Speaker 4: Right, But.
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  Speaker 3: It is we still have that that little Dolly house
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  kind of thing. So my thing is if mentally, you know, okay,
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  I'm definitely gonna hit this on, sleep with this and
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  oh sometimes this, Oh this is somebody I could take
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  home to my parents.
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  Speaker 4: They know.
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  Speaker 3: So it's to me a lot of times it's a
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  woman need to be able to say and walk away
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  when it's necessary because the man they know.
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  Speaker 4: So women you need to know.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah that's true. Well we are out of time, but
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  thank you for coming on and tell my listeners how
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  they can find you and get in touch for your
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  services or see your show. How do they reach you?
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  Speaker 4: So I make things very easy for you. Guys.
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  Speaker 3: You can just go to my website that's MSS Francois.
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  Speaker 4: I'm sure she's going to put everything down there for you.
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  Speaker 3: I have some great I have many different courses which
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  deal with different levels of where people might be in relationships,
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  exploing yourself emotionally. I have experts on there, from psychologists
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  to coaches that could help you to the process because
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  everybody is in a different part of the grieving process,
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  so we have something for everyone. So check out my
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  website and all social media, Miss Francois.
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  Speaker 2: And I'll put all that up for the listeners, so
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  you'll be able to click it and go right to
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  her website see everything she's got her offerings and reach out.
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  And this is doctor Kelly essays been Miss Francois, thank
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  you for coming on and being such a great guest.
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  You can find us at unpauseylife dot com.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to Unpause your Life with doctor
• 16:17
  Calli Estez and Master coach Jenny Fontana. Head over to
• 16:22
  www dot the Lifecoach method dot com to learn more
• 16:26
  about coaching yourself and how to become a master coach.