Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #646 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

Transcript

#646 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: wants answers. Now, I was so grateful to that little moment,
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: that little moment in time where there was an acknowledgment.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: I know what you wanted me to do, but I'm
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: so glad that you let me be me. And now
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: here's the scars of our show.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: My Mom and Dad. Today it's Black Friday. We have
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: specials galore happening all over the Happy Family's web shop,
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: all over our Facebook page. Please check it out, especially
• 0:31
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• 0:34
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• 0:37
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• 0:41
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• 0:43
  Speaker 1: for it already. You've got it for the rest of
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: your life, and you never have to pay again. Lifetime
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Happy Families memberships. We've got sales on our books sales
• 0:50
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• 0:52
  Speaker 1: at Happy Families dot com dot you and at doctor
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Justin Colson's Happy Families on Facebook. Please check it out.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to talk anymore about that because today
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: it's the podcast and the big plug for Black Friday
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: is done, although I might mention something at the end
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  Speaker 1: again real quick, so Kylie, I'll do better tomorrow. For
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  Speaker 1: those who are new to the podcast, this is the
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  Speaker 1: day where we reflect on the week that was and
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  Speaker 1: try to figure out how we can be better parents
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  Speaker 1: than we have been, or maybe we celebrate something that
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  Speaker 1: we've done really really well. Would you like to go
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  Speaker 1: first today or would you prefer that I go first?
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  Speaker 2: You go?
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  Speaker 1: Okay, I'm going to dive in and talk about oh
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  Speaker 1: so many experiences. I want to talk about how a
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  Speaker 1: couple of days after work this week, I took the
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  Speaker 1: kids down to the beach and we don't have a
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  Speaker 1: pool at our house, like we've moved to Queensland. Had
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  Speaker 1: a pool at our last house, but because we decided
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  Speaker 1: to move to the coast, couldn't afford to buy a
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  Speaker 1: house with a pool. Basically, so we've got a house
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  Speaker 1: with no pool and we're having to go to the
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  Speaker 1: beach and it's fantastic. I've been spending time at the
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  Speaker 1: beach with the kids every afternoon.
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  Speaker 2: Just love it.
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  Speaker 1: And every day they winge and they whine, they complain,
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  Speaker 1: say I don't want to go to the beach. I
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  Speaker 1: don't want to go.
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  Speaker 2: It's sand and waves.
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  Speaker 1: And they winge and sook and we get there and
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  Speaker 1: then they don't want to leave.
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  Speaker 2: They just love it. And you've been dealing with that
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  Speaker 2: for about twenty three years.
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  Speaker 1: No, what is it with kids like kids? Trust me,
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  Speaker 1: you're going to have a good time. It's going to
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  Speaker 1: be really good to be there. Let's just get in
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  Speaker 1: a car and go. But that's not what I'm going
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  Speaker 1: to talk about. I wish that that was what I
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  Speaker 1: was going to talk about, but I'm not. So what
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  Speaker 1: I want to talk about is just celebrating the joy
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  Speaker 1: of school. End of your assemblies, Well, because they're done,
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  Speaker 1: we don't have to go to another one. Is that
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  Speaker 1: what you mean? And holy dooley to anyone who works
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  Speaker 1: in a school, I applaud your ability to sit through
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  Speaker 1: endless assemblies, and I do also appreciate how hard school
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  Speaker 1: leaders work to make these at least endurable for parents
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  Speaker 1: who only have to come along once or twice a
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  Speaker 1: year to set through them. But boy, boy boy, they're
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  Speaker 1: just not that exciting. No offense kids, no offense teachers,
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  Speaker 1: but school assemblies. I think that I would rather have
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  Speaker 1: flaming bamboo shoots stuck under my nails sometimes than set through.
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  Speaker 1: But that's a bit of a downer. You're looking at
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  Speaker 1: me like I shouldn't have said that. I'm so sorry.
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  Speaker 1: We did have the delight though, of going to the
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  Speaker 1: Year twelve graduation night assembly night at the school, followed
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  Speaker 1: by the Year twelve passing out parade the next day,
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  Speaker 1: followed by the Year twelve formal the next day. We
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  Speaker 1: got to do three of those events in three days,
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  Speaker 1: and I just think any parent who goes through that
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  Speaker 1: deserves a medal. I'm just putting it out there. I
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  Speaker 1: was like, oh my goodness again. And we had to
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  Speaker 1: get dressed up in suits and formal gear to go
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  Speaker 1: to the fall. I had to put on a tie
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  Speaker 1: and a show.
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  Speaker 2: I can't believe you're winging about that. I actually think
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  Speaker 2: that it was probably the best formal experience we've had.
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  Speaker 1: Well we've had three and okay, yeah, hats off kudos
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  Speaker 1: to the school who put on the formal that you're
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  Speaker 1: putting up there as the best one. It probably was,
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  Speaker 1: now do you say it? So? What did you like
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  Speaker 1: about it? So?
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  Speaker 2: Generally speaking, a formalist for the year twelve. It's a
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  Speaker 2: celebration for them, yes, And as such, Mum and dad
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  Speaker 2: go along to the park with all the other friends
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  Speaker 2: and take photos, and then you say goodbye to your
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  Speaker 2: kids and they head away. Sure, what I loved about
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  Speaker 2: the school community that we're in is that the school
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  Speaker 2: recognizes that this is actually a family celebration, and so
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  Speaker 2: parents are invited at their own expense to attend the formal.
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  Speaker 2: It was an expensive, mind, and there's a three course
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  Speaker 2: meal that we all sit down to. The kids have
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  Speaker 2: got their own tables, adults are sitting at their tables.
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  Speaker 2: There's some acknowledgments, there's a couple of awards. Most of
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  Speaker 2: the awards have already been done previously. But then the
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  Speaker 2: joy was actually that about eight years ago, the kids
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  Speaker 2: had asked for the progressive dances that they'd been learning
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  Speaker 2: at camp to be added to the formal.
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  Speaker 1: Like the and the I don't know, there was some
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  Speaker 1: sort of it wasn't really a jibe, but a rock
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  Speaker 1: and roll little number. There were a few what were
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  Speaker 1: the other ones, like the Pride of.
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  Speaker 2: Erine bar and the the Bumbo Salsa, and it was
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  Speaker 2: all progressive. So they did I don't know fifteen twenty
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  Speaker 2: minutes of progressive dancing as a cohort, and then they
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  Speaker 2: asked mum and dad to get up, and so mums
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  Speaker 2: danced with their sons, dads dance with their daughters, and
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  Speaker 2: they did the same set of dances, but again progressive.
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  Speaker 2: And what I loved about that is too often we
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  Speaker 2: go to these events where we've got kids who are
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  Speaker 2: either socially awkward or shy, or actually don't have any friends,
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  Speaker 2: and they sit on the sidelines and they don't participate.
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  Speaker 2: And yet with this event, everybody was up on the floor.
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  Speaker 2: Everybody danced at their own you know, within their own capacity,
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  Speaker 2: within their own level.
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  Speaker 1: And is that a point of comment at me at
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  Speaker 1: my dancing? You watched me doing that dance? I man,
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  Speaker 1: I had no idea what they were.
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  Speaker 2: Doing, but I just everybody was involved, literally everybody was involved,
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  Speaker 2: and I just I thought it was such a wholesome
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  Speaker 2: night and it actually I think that it was really
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  Speaker 2: enjoyable for everyone.
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  Speaker 1: So the reason that I wanted to bring it up
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  Speaker 1: is because I'm giving myself some cuteos for my I'll
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  Speaker 1: do better tomorrow. You'd get out of things what you
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  Speaker 1: put into things. And you know this, I was winking
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  Speaker 1: and whining and grown.
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  Speaker 2: Up we were supposed to be, and you see it so.
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  Speaker 1: Hoping, Well, yeah, we signed up to go and do
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  Speaker 1: the what was it, the Queenstown Marathon, half marathon, ten
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  Speaker 1: k whatever it was that you and I were going
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  Speaker 1: to go and do with some friends. We were going
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  Speaker 1: to go over there and do that, and then we
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  Speaker 1: had to cancel law so that we could be at
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  Speaker 1: the formal wearing all the formal starchy, stiff kind of
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  Speaker 1: clothes and listening to the talks and blah blah blah.
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  Speaker 1: I decided on the day that I was going to well,
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  Speaker 1: I decided about ten minutes before I left that I
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  Speaker 1: was going to put my smile on my face and
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  Speaker 1: wear it well and give it my very best. And
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  Speaker 1: I did, and it was fun night. It was really
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  Speaker 1: nice to see another daughter finishing high school. That's three
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  Speaker 1: out of six through. We're halfway there, and my older
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  Speaker 1: better Tomorrow. Is really just a reminder you get out
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  Speaker 1: of it what you put into it, whether it's parenting,
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  Speaker 1: whether it's a school assembly, whether it's a time down
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  Speaker 1: at the beach with the kids in the afternoon or
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  Speaker 1: at the park, or even if you're just wrestling on
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  Speaker 1: the floor or on the bed. You get out of
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  Speaker 1: it what you put in. If you go into it
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  Speaker 1: with a lousy attitude, it's really hard to come out
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  Speaker 1: of it with a smile on your face. But if
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  Speaker 1: you've got a great attitude going in, it's a really
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  Speaker 1: enriching experience. So that's my older bit of tomorrow.
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  Speaker 2: Well, my story ties in nicely with yours. It's about
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  Speaker 2: the formal and watching our third daughter go through graduating.
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  Speaker 2: But I had the other end of things because I
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  Speaker 2: had to help her prepare, so there was, you know,
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  Speaker 2: all of the beauty trips that needed to be done,
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  Speaker 2: and the buying of the dress and shoes and door
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  Speaker 2: to number three is pretty laser fair.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, totally last year.
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  Speaker 2: Over the last twelve months, she's brought a couple of
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  Speaker 2: secondhand dresses that she swore she was going to wear
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  Speaker 2: to the formal, and a few months later decided she
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  Speaker 2: didn't really like it, and then in the end she
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  Speaker 2: actually just decided to borrow a dress or a friend.
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  Speaker 2: But we're pretty conservative people and we've we've got some
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  Speaker 2: kind of ideas on what kinds of dresses we'd like
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  Speaker 2: our children to wear, and she didn't want to come
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  Speaker 2: to the party with it, and in the past I
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  Speaker 2: probably would have made it be deal about it, but
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  Speaker 2: I've learned that what's most important is the relationship that
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  Speaker 2: I had with my child, and so as it was hard,
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  Speaker 2: but as hard as it was, I just decided to
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  Speaker 2: let go and to just let her make her own
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  Speaker 2: decision about what she was going to wear and let
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  Speaker 2: it be. And on the day she came up to
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  Speaker 2: me just before she was ready to walk out the door,
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  Speaker 2: and she said, Mom, I know I'm not wearing the
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  Speaker 2: dress you wanted me to, but I'm just so grateful
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  Speaker 2: that you haven't made a big deal about it. And
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: it was just a really simple one liner, but it
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  Speaker 2: meant so much because she understood that it meant something
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  Speaker 2: to me, but she also knew that she meant more
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  Speaker 2: than what she was wearing to me, and I just
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  Speaker 2: I was so grateful for just that little moment, that
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: little moment in time where there was an acknowledgment. I
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  Speaker 2: know what you wanted me to do, but I'm so
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: glad that you let me be me. That's my odd
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  Speaker 2: better tomorrow. It's just it was really just this I
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  Speaker 2: think of reinforce for me to be more open to
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  Speaker 2: letting my children be themselves. I can teach principles, but
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  Speaker 2: at the end of the day, it's up to them
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  Speaker 2: to live them the way they feel to.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, we really hope that you've enjoyed our Happy
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: Families podcast today, the take home messages, Let the kids
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: be them, let them live their lives, Let them have
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: that autonomy to experience what they need to and just
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: dive in. Give it everything that you've got, because the
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: more you put into it, the more you get out
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: of it, and the more they do as well. A
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: quick reminder, Black Friday it's on now the special You
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: can get all the details at Happy Families dot com
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: dot au and the specials the savings that go through
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: until Cyber Monday. Lifetime membership four hundred and seventy nine dollars.
• 9:44
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• 9:47
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• 9:50
  Speaker 1: Happy Families membership. It's a one off. We've never done
• 9:53
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• 9:55
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• 9:57
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• 9:59
  Speaker 1: out of that fifty percent off all digital products. Plus
• 10:02
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• 10:36
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• 10:41
  Speaker 1: thanks for letting me give that quick plug at the
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: end of the podcast today. The Happy Families Podcast is
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: produced by Justin ruhland Bridge Media. Craig Bruis is our
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: executive producer and as always, for more information about all
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: the things we talk about about making your family happier,
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: and especially for those Black Friday specials. Head on over
• 10:56
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• 11:00
  Speaker 2: We don't