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#HURDLEMOMENT: 4 Decision Disruptors That Can Mess With Your Self-Care · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

0:00
Speaker 1: We can survive without self care, but the question is
0:06
Speaker 1: do we want to survive in a depleted state?
0:23
Speaker 2: Hey, everybody, Emily Abadi here, you are listening to another
0:26
Speaker 2: installment of Hurdle Moment from Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast.
0:31
Speaker 2: Reconnect with everyone from your favorite athletes to top experts
0:34
Speaker 2: and industry CEOs about their highest highs, toughest moments, and
0:39
Speaker 2: everything in between. We all go through hurdles in life,
0:43
Speaker 2: and my goal through these discussions is to empower you
0:46
Speaker 2: to better navigate yours and move with intention so that
0:49
Speaker 2: you can stride towards your own big potential and of
0:53
Speaker 2: course have some fun along the way. Today talking about
0:58
Speaker 2: something that is so imperative when it comes to your
1:02
Speaker 2: overall wellness, and that is self care. And to do that,
1:07
Speaker 2: I am bringing in Michelle Seeger. She's an award winning
1:11
Speaker 2: researcher at the University of Michigan. She's also a health
1:14
Speaker 2: coach with almost thirty years studying how to create sustainable
1:19
Speaker 2: changes in healthy behaviors that can survive the complexity and
1:23
Speaker 2: unpredictability of the real world. She's also the author of
1:28
Speaker 2: the book The Joy Choice, which is all about cultivating
1:33
Speaker 2: the in the moment decisions that support self care, health
1:36
Speaker 2: and well being a lot of that which we are
1:39
Speaker 2: jamming about for today's episode. We are chatting about decision
1:44
Speaker 2: disruptors that can threaten our self care plans. According to Michelle,
1:49
Speaker 2: there are four of them, and we're going to break
1:51
Speaker 2: those down because when you are better informed about what
1:55
Speaker 2: could be standing in between you and a more full
2:00
Speaker 2: proof self care plan, then you might be better at
2:04
Speaker 2: keeping up with it and in turn taking care of you.
2:09
Speaker 2: Loved this convo. Grateful to Michelle for her time. Make
2:12
Speaker 2: sure you're following along on social at Hurdle podcasts. I'm
2:15
Speaker 2: over at Emily a Body And with that, let's get
2:20
Speaker 2: to hurdling today. I am sitting down with doctor Michelle Seeger.
2:30
Speaker 2: How are you doing today?
2:32
Speaker 1: I'm doing well, Thanks, how are you? I'm so good.
2:35
Speaker 2: Before we get into talking about all of the reasons
2:39
Speaker 2: why self care is super important and how to protect
2:43
Speaker 2: that energy, why don't you give us a little bit
2:46
Speaker 2: of your backstory? Talked to us about how you got
2:48
Speaker 2: into this work.
2:49
Speaker 1: Sure, while something very specific did happen In nineteen ninety
2:54
Speaker 1: three nineteen ninety four, I was conducting my first randomized
2:59
Speaker 1: true as a master student in kinesiology, and we were
3:04
Speaker 1: looking to see if cancer survivors far out of treatment,
3:07
Speaker 1: like five years out of treatment, if they would benefit
3:11
Speaker 1: psychologically from exercising. And so we found what we were
3:17
Speaker 1: what we hypothesized, was that the group that exercised did
3:20
Speaker 1: significantly reduce their depression and anxiety compared to the group
3:24
Speaker 1: that didn't. And I thought that was the end of
3:26
Speaker 1: the story. But part of our study design was to
3:30
Speaker 1: call the participants back about three months after the study
3:34
Speaker 1: ended and talk to them and give them the measures again.
3:38
Speaker 1: And I distinctly remember, I mean this was almost thirty
3:41
Speaker 1: years ago. You know, these people were sitting around smiling, talking,
3:45
Speaker 1: and I thought that we hadn't just done great research.
3:50
Speaker 1: I thought we had also really helped people live their
3:53
Speaker 1: lives better. But I was wrong, because almost everyone stopped
4:01
Speaker 1: exercising when our study had ended all those months before,
4:05
Speaker 1: and so I was really curious, like why would you
4:07
Speaker 1: stop exercising? And they said, Michelle, do you have all day?
4:12
Speaker 1: I have a job, I have a family, I have this,
4:15
Speaker 1: that and the other. I have to help my aging parents.
4:18
Speaker 1: And it became very clear to me that these people
4:22
Speaker 1: had stopped exercising, not because they were cancer survivors, but
4:26
Speaker 1: because they were simply busy adults living their lives. And
4:30
Speaker 1: I thought, wow, if people who faced a life threatening
4:35
Speaker 1: illness do not feel comfortable prioritizing their own self care
4:40
Speaker 1: through behaviors like physical activity, then we have a real
4:43
Speaker 1: problem in society. And that's when I had this life
4:46
Speaker 1: bab moment. It's like, that's my problem, and I'm going
4:50
Speaker 1: to solve it. And so everything I've been, everything I've
4:53
Speaker 1: done since that time, has been in service of understanding
4:58
Speaker 1: what really gets in people's wa way when the rubber
5:01
Speaker 1: hits the road on a daily basis from a scientific perspective,
5:06
Speaker 1: but also as a health coach.
5:08
Speaker 2: As you said, there are so many different reasons why
5:11
Speaker 2: we may not make time not just for movement in
5:16
Speaker 2: our day to day, but other important things that can
5:18
Speaker 2: benefit our health, like eating well perhaps or even prioritizing sleep,
5:24
Speaker 2: like there are just so many different things that sometimes
5:26
Speaker 2: fall by the wayside when life gets hectic.
5:30
Speaker 1: That's right, and you know it's you're right, it's true
5:34
Speaker 1: for any self care behavior. We could add meditation to
5:37
Speaker 1: that list, you know, we could add so many things.
5:41
Speaker 1: I do think it's important to say when it comes
5:45
Speaker 1: to self care behaviors that I believe and contend that
5:50
Speaker 1: healthy eating and exercise are kind of in a class
5:53
Speaker 1: of their own and come with unique disruptors, if you will.
6:00
Speaker 1: But you are right. I mean, when it comes to
6:03
Speaker 1: self care, it's just hard to keep it in the
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Speaker 1: forefront of our lives and on the top of our
6:09
Speaker 1: priority list.
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Speaker 2: That's so interesting that you feel as though that they're
6:12
Speaker 2: in a class of their own.
6:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so here's the reason why in society we
6:20
Speaker 1: have primarily been socialized to eat better and exercise more
6:26
Speaker 1: as a way to lose weight. And so what that does,
6:32
Speaker 1: that overarching purpose of weight loss then becomes the reasons
6:38
Speaker 1: why we exercise and try to change our diet, and
6:43
Speaker 1: those meanings become intricately integrated into our minds and bodies
6:49
Speaker 1: when we exercise and when we change our eating patterns.
6:53
Speaker 1: And unfortunately, because weight loss is also wrapped up with
6:58
Speaker 1: internalized sigma and wadism and sense of failure and body
7:04
Speaker 1: shame and self consciousness, all of that, we bring all
7:09
Speaker 1: of that to our eating and exercise projects. And so
7:13
Speaker 1: we don't bring that to sleep, we don't bring that
7:15
Speaker 1: to meditation and new theories and research on changes in
7:21
Speaker 1: eating and exercise are really about how this past experience
7:26
Speaker 1: in history with eating and exercise in our brains influence
7:32
Speaker 1: influences the choice we are about to make right now.
7:37
Speaker 1: We bring all of that to our decisions right now,
7:44
Speaker 1: and we don't bring those same things to our choices
7:47
Speaker 1: about when we go to sleep, or when we get
7:49
Speaker 1: off social media or when we're going to meditate.
7:53
Speaker 2: Clearly, here we are getting to the theme that self
7:58
Speaker 2: care super super important. Why don't we start off before
8:03
Speaker 2: we get into these disruptors by talking about the why?
8:07
Speaker 2: Why is it important? What happens if we don't make
8:10
Speaker 2: that time for ourselves?
8:12
Speaker 1: Right? So, what happens when we don't make time for
8:16
Speaker 1: our self care? We are physiological beings, right, and so
8:22
Speaker 1: we need we to We can serve, We can survive
8:27
Speaker 1: without self care. But the question is do we want
8:31
Speaker 1: to survive in a depleted state? Our bodies, ourselves have
8:36
Speaker 1: to regenerate. We we need renewal and recovery. And so
8:40
Speaker 1: if we don't practice consistent self care. And it's different
8:45
Speaker 1: for different people, right, and people have different self care hierarchies.
8:49
Speaker 1: You know, my self care hierarchy, my foundational self care
8:52
Speaker 1: behavior is sleep, but for my husband it's physical activity.
8:56
Speaker 1: He will skimp on sleep to get his exercise firsting
8:59
Speaker 1: the more so, we all have our different priorities when
9:03
Speaker 1: it comes to which self care behavior has the most
9:06
Speaker 1: bang for the self care book. But the bigger picture
9:11
Speaker 1: is that if we if we do not prioritize our
9:15
Speaker 1: own self care, then we get depleted. You know, that
9:18
Speaker 1: can lead to so many things, from feeling depressed and
9:23
Speaker 1: anxious and stressed, to how our bodies, you know, break
9:30
Speaker 1: down if they're in a depleted state. Now, I am
9:33
Speaker 1: not an MD. I'm not a medical doctor, so I
9:36
Speaker 1: can't speak to the you know, to the breakdown of
9:39
Speaker 1: the physiological parts of the body. But you know, from
9:43
Speaker 1: a very general point of view, we know that our
9:45
Speaker 1: brain really needs sleep and that when we don't get it,
9:49
Speaker 1: it isn't good for our brains functioning. So but you know,
9:53
Speaker 1: that's all health stuff. And my research suggests that focusing
9:57
Speaker 1: on those types of broad health reasons for self care
10:02
Speaker 1: in theory makes sense and sound good, and most people
10:05
Speaker 1: would endorse and say, yeah, I care about being healthy,
10:07
Speaker 1: But when it comes to fitting it in and making
10:10
Speaker 1: it a consistent priority, that's not the reason that most
10:13
Speaker 1: people that would motivate most people to do it day
10:17
Speaker 1: in and day out, and those reasons though, the purpose
10:20
Speaker 1: and why relates to how we feel in function every
10:23
Speaker 1: day period.
10:26
Speaker 2: It's so interesting, right because even going back to what
10:29
Speaker 2: you were saying at the top of our conversation, noting
10:32
Speaker 2: that these people didn't feel as though that great feeling
10:37
Speaker 2: was enough for them to come back to prioritizing movement,
10:43
Speaker 2: but for some some crave it. Is there a difference
10:47
Speaker 2: between those two types of people.
10:50
Speaker 1: Well, it's a complicated answer because absolutely, you know, there
10:57
Speaker 1: are genetic differences between you know that I don't think
11:01
Speaker 1: are well understood at all. This is at the most
11:05
Speaker 1: beginning level. There are some people that might be more
11:07
Speaker 1: inclined to want to sit on the couch, and then
11:10
Speaker 1: there are some people who just can't stop moving, and
11:12
Speaker 1: those are some you know, predispositions. But you know, I
11:16
Speaker 1: think more to your question is why do some people
11:20
Speaker 1: love running and some people, you know want to run
11:24
Speaker 1: away from running? And that that really gets to the
11:29
Speaker 1: ways in which we've been socialized to think about running
11:34
Speaker 1: or exercise or walking, the experiences we've had with it.
11:38
Speaker 1: You know, a lot of people who've had negative experiences,
11:41
Speaker 1: whether they were forced to run in pe or while
11:44
Speaker 1: they were on a sports team. You know, I remember
11:49
Speaker 1: trying to be on the swim team, but the actual
11:51
Speaker 1: act of being forced, you know, swimming fast and having
11:54
Speaker 1: to swim fast to be on the team, it left
11:57
Speaker 1: me hating swimming. You know that. You know, that's just
12:00
Speaker 1: my own experience. But you know, I've been working with
12:02
Speaker 1: people for almost three decades with this question, and I
12:06
Speaker 1: see that the past experiences, and of course it's what
12:09
Speaker 1: the new theories say too. We carry these past experiences.
12:14
Speaker 1: So someone who has had positive experiences with running, like
12:18
Speaker 1: me when I was thirteen years old, man, that is
12:22
Speaker 1: a way for me to take care of myself, but
12:25
Speaker 1: for someone else it feels punishing. And how can actually,
12:29
Speaker 1: how can something that feels punishing constitute self care?
12:33
Speaker 2: Right?
12:34
Speaker 1: Right?
12:35
Speaker 2: So the question then becomes, I mean, this is not
12:38
Speaker 2: in the direction that we are going to go. But
12:41
Speaker 2: a side note here is how does that reframing happen?
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Speaker 1: Then? Wow, it it can happen. It needs to happen
12:51
Speaker 1: on a societal level. And I'm you know, I'm happy
12:53
Speaker 1: to say that I'm beginning to see the industry leaders
12:59
Speaker 1: you know, the trade organizations that inform how gyms and
13:05
Speaker 1: clubs around the world do things. You know, it used
13:09
Speaker 1: to be called URSA. Now it's got a different name.
13:13
Speaker 1: I think it's Global Health and Fitness. They the huge
13:16
Speaker 1: ship in industries are starting to change because they've discovered
13:23
Speaker 1: that the approach the method has creating has created experiences
13:28
Speaker 1: and meanings that only a small minority of the population
13:32
Speaker 1: resonate within everyone else. The vast majority of people have
13:36
Speaker 1: been left behind. So you know that the answer is
13:39
Speaker 1: that we The best solution is going to be when
13:43
Speaker 1: new marketing messages from you know, from the shoe companies
13:48
Speaker 1: and the athletic gear companies start attracting and speaking to
13:54
Speaker 1: those of us who've been left behind, which again is
13:57
Speaker 1: the majority now on an individual level. As a health
13:59
Speaker 1: co coach, you know, that's what I do is I
14:03
Speaker 1: help people reframe the meaning and purpose and experience of
14:09
Speaker 1: self care behaviors like physical activity. And the most important
14:12
Speaker 1: part is to start by helping people understand that, you know,
14:17
Speaker 1: if they hate exercise and they haven't been successful sticking
14:21
Speaker 1: with it over time, it's not their fault. People think
14:26
Speaker 1: it's their fault. They think there's some innate flaw. I'm
14:30
Speaker 1: not athletic enough. I'm lazy. You know, my friends and
14:35
Speaker 1: my family members, I see them running and training for
14:38
Speaker 1: marathons and going to the gym regularly, but I've never
14:40
Speaker 1: been successful, and people blame themselves. It couldn't be further
14:44
Speaker 1: from the truth. The reality is that the system, our
14:49
Speaker 1: whole societal approach, both out of healthcare out of the
14:55
Speaker 1: fitness industry, has set most people up to fail. And
15:00
Speaker 1: again there's no I'm not pointing fingers at the industry
15:03
Speaker 1: and clinicians. It is simply the way our society has
15:07
Speaker 1: evolved in the way we value things like physical activity,
15:12
Speaker 1: and it's been focused on weight physiological doses, you know,
15:18
Speaker 1: doses of exercise that's going to get optimal cellular responses.
15:24
Speaker 1: But that doesn't when we leave the lab and the
15:26
Speaker 1: great research that's been done and we go into our
15:28
Speaker 1: real lives and how human beings make decisions. There's this
15:33
Speaker 1: huge disconnect and so to make the connection we have
15:39
Speaker 1: to actually to reframe it. We those of us in
15:42
Speaker 1: the field who are working with people and helping organizations
15:46
Speaker 1: work with people, we have to reframe it for them,
15:50
Speaker 1: and it starts with helping people understand that the system
15:54
Speaker 1: is broken. It's not them.
15:56
Speaker 2: Right right, And so this easily segues us into talking
16:00
Speaker 2: about these decision disruptors, the things that can get in
16:04
Speaker 2: the way when it comes to taking care of ourselves.
16:07
Speaker 2: So kick us off with the first one, and that
16:10
Speaker 2: is temptation.
16:11
Speaker 1: Yes, so temptation. Can I say one thing before we jump? Believe? Okay?
16:17
Speaker 1: So why do we care about the disruptors to our decisions?
16:23
Speaker 1: The reason is is because if we care about creating
16:26
Speaker 1: changes that can last with our healthy eating and exercise
16:29
Speaker 1: and other self care behaviors, the way that happens, what
16:34
Speaker 1: drives sustainability is making decisions that consistently support our greater
16:39
Speaker 1: goals day in and day out, right now, right now,
16:43
Speaker 1: right now, and right now. So if we don't know
16:46
Speaker 1: how to navigate that which gets in our way, that
16:50
Speaker 1: which when our plans go awry, which is what derails
16:53
Speaker 1: us and takes us off the path of lasting change.
16:56
Speaker 1: If we don't know how to navigate those what I'm
16:59
Speaker 1: calling choice points, the challenges to our plans for self care,
17:05
Speaker 1: healthy eating, exercise, meditation, going to sleep at a certain time,
17:09
Speaker 1: then we can't achieve the consistent decision making that we need.
17:13
Speaker 1: So I just wanted to contextualize. So the things that
17:16
Speaker 1: get in our way I found in my coaching are
17:20
Speaker 1: four primary things. And as you said, you tipped us
17:22
Speaker 1: off temptation. What is temptation as a disruptor to our decisions?
17:28
Speaker 1: Temptation is having an eating plan that's going well, and
17:33
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, we find ourselves at a party.
17:36
Speaker 1: We enter the door thinking we've got you know, the
17:39
Speaker 1: wherewithal and the commitment to stick to our plan, and
17:42
Speaker 1: then we see that beautiful piece of chocolate cake listening
17:47
Speaker 1: from across the room, and we feel this visceral pull
17:51
Speaker 1: to want to go eat it, even though it is
17:54
Speaker 1: completely not on our eating plan. Or we had a
17:58
Speaker 1: plan after work to go for a run, and we
18:01
Speaker 1: walk into our house and that couch and the remote
18:05
Speaker 1: is just seductively calling our name. That in its very
18:10
Speaker 1: essence is temptation. And I'm sure everyone listening can relate
18:16
Speaker 1: to those types of feelings. They're visceral. But here's what
18:20
Speaker 1: we need to know about temptation, and it's what we
18:24
Speaker 1: need to know to help us actually reclaim our power
18:27
Speaker 1: away from the you know that seduction. The research, the
18:34
Speaker 1: new research, the new theorizing about our decision making around
18:39
Speaker 1: eating an exercise situates each choice we're about to make
18:45
Speaker 1: within our past history with eating the cake and getting
18:50
Speaker 1: on the couch or going for the run. And if
18:52
Speaker 1: we're talking about the run, for example, and this ties
18:56
Speaker 1: back to something I said earlier, if we have been
19:00
Speaker 1: taunted and pe when we ran, if we feel uncomfortable
19:04
Speaker 1: and overweight when we run, we bring those memories to
19:09
Speaker 1: our right before we make the choice, and that would
19:14
Speaker 1: lead us that brand's physical activity in our mind in
19:18
Speaker 1: a really negative way, so that when we come to
19:20
Speaker 1: that choice, temptation is more likely to win out in
19:23
Speaker 1: that moment. But by understanding how it works, and instead
19:28
Speaker 1: of feeling like the cake or the couch has power
19:31
Speaker 1: over me, it's pulling me like a magnet, we can
19:35
Speaker 1: say to ourselves, you know what, that's not really the
19:39
Speaker 1: cake that's calling my name. It's actually the last time
19:42
Speaker 1: I eat the cake and who I was with. And
19:45
Speaker 1: the very act of bringing self awareness to what's going on,
19:50
Speaker 1: bringing our prefrontal cortex into the conversation, it takes away
19:56
Speaker 1: some of the visceral experiential pull that we're So that's temptation.
20:05
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Speaker 2: slash hurdle. You know the thing that's interesting to me
21:41
Speaker 2: because I definitely and certainly relate to what you're saying.
21:44
Speaker 2: This kind of throwback moment too. If you had a
21:47
Speaker 2: problem running the mile in middle school, then you may
21:50
Speaker 2: feel some kind of way about running as an adult.
21:53
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be honest with you, I don't know many
21:55
Speaker 2: people that didn't have a problem running the mile in
21:57
Speaker 2: middle school. Like everyone was triumph traumatized by their middle
22:01
Speaker 2: their high school mile experience. It comes back to are
22:05
Speaker 2: you going to choose to reframe that and take agency
22:09
Speaker 2: over what can happen? Yes? But yes, exactly what you're saying.
22:13
Speaker 2: It all totally makes sense to me. So I know
22:16
Speaker 2: that the next one here, the next disruptor, rebellion. Talk
22:20
Speaker 2: to us about rebellion.
22:21
Speaker 1: Yes, so rebellion you know, speaks for itself too. It's
22:27
Speaker 1: when we initiate a behavior out of a should, which
22:29
Speaker 1: we've been taught to do in society. It's human nature
22:34
Speaker 1: to want to reclaim our freedom. So when we feel
22:36
Speaker 1: like I can't eat that cake, or I should eat
22:40
Speaker 1: this other thing that I don't actually want to eat,
22:43
Speaker 1: or that isn't going to be as good, or I
22:44
Speaker 1: should take that run that we are literally putting our
22:49
Speaker 1: choice in it. You know, it's going to be a
22:51
Speaker 1: boomerang where we just go in the exact different direction
22:55
Speaker 1: than we started out with. And you know, there's this
22:58
Speaker 1: theory called reactance theory, and there's just been tons of
23:02
Speaker 1: research on this. So if we initiate a change out
23:06
Speaker 1: of shoulds, whether it's because we feel that we're you know,
23:11
Speaker 1: we don't like, uh, we don't meet the mold, our
23:15
Speaker 1: doctor is admonishing us. Whatever the should is, it influences
23:20
Speaker 1: and and and in a very non optimal way, it
23:24
Speaker 1: gets us to do the opposite. So that's rebellion and
23:27
Speaker 1: you know people probably resonate with that too. Before we
23:30
Speaker 1: move into accommodation, I just want to say it is
23:34
Speaker 1: easy to say that people, people, it is our choice
23:38
Speaker 1: to do things. But if we don't understand that it's
23:41
Speaker 1: not our fault. It's hard to have agency with that.
23:44
Speaker 1: So I do think part of let part of people
23:48
Speaker 1: developing the agency to say, yeah, that was PE, and
23:52
Speaker 1: I don't have to let that control the rest of
23:54
Speaker 1: my life. They need to understand that the feelings are
23:58
Speaker 1: from PE and then they can say, okay, this is
24:01
Speaker 1: then what do I want to do now? And a
24:04
Speaker 1: really great solution to the what do I want to
24:06
Speaker 1: do now is toss running out and take a walk,
24:10
Speaker 1: do roller blade, you know, do something that you're choosing
24:15
Speaker 1: to do because you want to do and it meets
24:17
Speaker 1: your preference. So I want to say that it's not
24:21
Speaker 1: quite as easy when you've got this kind of history.
24:24
Speaker 1: But when you name it, as Dan Siegel says, you
24:27
Speaker 1: tame it. And that's a key part of how we reframe.
24:30
Speaker 2: You name it, you tame it.
24:32
Speaker 1: I like that. So should I move on to the
24:35
Speaker 1: next Let's move on to the next. Okay, So accommodation
24:39
Speaker 1: is a little different because this has to do this.
24:44
Speaker 1: This goes back to what got me into this field
24:46
Speaker 1: almost thirty years ago. It has to do with what
24:51
Speaker 1: the cancer survivors told me. Accommodation is when we consistently
24:55
Speaker 1: put not sometimes when we consistently put our own self
25:00
Speaker 1: care needs behind the needs of other people in projects.
25:05
Speaker 1: And let me give you a sho Can I tell
25:07
Speaker 1: you a short story about the constitution? So this is
25:11
Speaker 1: I have two stories, one about exercise and ones about eating.
25:14
Speaker 1: I'll start with the exercise story. I was brought into
25:18
Speaker 1: train clinicians in a health system. They had a new
25:22
Speaker 1: building with a free, state of the art gym, and
25:26
Speaker 1: I gave this, you know, did the training. Afterwards, the
25:29
Speaker 1: gentleman who had hired me took me aside and he
25:33
Speaker 1: kind of whispered in my ear in a confessional you
25:37
Speaker 1: know voice. I don't feel comfortable prioritizing taking time to exercise.
25:45
Speaker 1: I always feel like I should be working. And on
25:48
Speaker 1: the days when I do go exercise, I actually hide
25:52
Speaker 1: behind the pillars on the way to the gym so
25:55
Speaker 1: that other people don't see that I'm doing it. So
26:00
Speaker 1: let's think about that for a minute. This is a
26:02
Speaker 1: leader in healthcare. There's a gym, he's in charge. He
26:06
Speaker 1: really doesn't have to worry about getting into trouble. Yet
26:09
Speaker 1: he has internalized values that say him always working is
26:16
Speaker 1: more important than taking this time for renewal. For the
26:19
Speaker 1: reasons that you and I had talked about earlier. So
26:21
Speaker 1: that's accommodation, you know, in a nutshell. When it comes
26:25
Speaker 1: to physical activity, it's deciding not to do something. You're
26:30
Speaker 1: about to leave to go to the gym or to
26:33
Speaker 1: take a walk with a friend, and someone calls you
26:35
Speaker 1: and needs something from you. Now, these aren't This isn't
26:37
Speaker 1: like your boss saying I need this from you in
26:40
Speaker 1: five minutes. This is a request from someone that you
26:43
Speaker 1: care about and respect and want to help. But if
26:46
Speaker 1: you always say okay when you're about to leave, well
26:51
Speaker 1: that means you never get to that important self care piece.
26:54
Speaker 1: And people do with eating in different ways, right, They
26:57
Speaker 1: eat something that when they actually don't even want to,
26:59
Speaker 1: just to please someone, and so that is accommodation in
27:04
Speaker 1: a nutshell.
27:05
Speaker 2: It's like when you go out to dinner with a
27:08
Speaker 2: few friends and one person says, why don't we get this?
27:12
Speaker 2: And you may not want that thing, but you also
27:14
Speaker 2: don't want to be the person that's like the downer
27:17
Speaker 2: on that note, So you agree, right, and then you
27:20
Speaker 2: may eat whatever it is. You knew when you got
27:23
Speaker 2: there that you didn't want to go in that direction,
27:25
Speaker 2: and you leave there not really feeling fulfilled or happy
27:28
Speaker 2: that you deviated from where you started.
27:30
Speaker 1: And that is that completely reflects the story that I
27:35
Speaker 1: was going to tell about eating. Yes, so you know
27:39
Speaker 1: it happens all the time. So one of the things
27:42
Speaker 1: to address accommodation in those types of situations is, I mean,
27:47
Speaker 1: let's just play this out for a minute. Imagine that
27:52
Speaker 1: you're imagine that you ever should for your eating even
27:55
Speaker 1: though you may not want to go in that direction.
27:57
Speaker 1: The reason why you don't is because you had recently
27:59
Speaker 1: start this new eating plan and it feels like it
28:02
Speaker 1: should and you feel all this temptation, like how much
28:07
Speaker 1: easier is it to go along with it when your
28:10
Speaker 1: reason for doing it feels like it's controlling you, and
28:13
Speaker 1: you are like, screw you, I'm gonna do what I
28:16
Speaker 1: want to do, right, that's the human nature response. But
28:19
Speaker 1: if you're not in this situation, so that sets you
28:21
Speaker 1: up even more right to do what you don't want
28:24
Speaker 1: to do. But let's say you are wholly in one
28:27
Speaker 1: hundred percent you have ownership over the way you want
28:29
Speaker 1: to eat, and you do not want to eat that
28:32
Speaker 1: in those circumstances, it's it's first of all, you most
28:36
Speaker 1: likely have a truly compelling why like and it's working
28:40
Speaker 1: for you. You're feeling better. You own your why. So
28:43
Speaker 1: the thing to do is, you know you people need
28:48
Speaker 1: to learn to do this because we haven't been taught
28:50
Speaker 1: to do it. It has to do with, you know, social
28:52
Speaker 1: graces and social anxiety. But people can learn to say
28:56
Speaker 1: to their people when they're out, you know, I'm not
28:59
Speaker 1: really into that tonight. I think I'm going to skip it,
29:01
Speaker 1: or you know, you guys go ahead and order it.
29:03
Speaker 1: I'm going to pass, or I'm going to get this instead.
29:06
Speaker 1: I mean. The thing is, once we start thinking and
29:09
Speaker 1: talking about it, and maybe even practicing with a partner
29:13
Speaker 1: or a friend, it becomes easier than we think it is.
29:18
Speaker 2: Right, taking that step, getting a little uncomfortable in the
29:22
Speaker 2: long haul can actually make you feel better, and that's
29:25
Speaker 2: you taking that agency over your own self care. And last,
29:30
Speaker 2: but not least, here, we're going to talk a little
29:32
Speaker 2: bit about perfection.
29:35
Speaker 1: And perfection sets the stage for everything else. It's what
29:39
Speaker 1: promotes all or nothing thinking. So let's go back to
29:42
Speaker 1: your situation. Let's just say I don't know what would
29:45
Speaker 1: give me an example of what that food would be
29:47
Speaker 1: that you don't want to eat.
29:49
Speaker 2: Maybe they want to get a side of fries, or
29:52
Speaker 2: everyone wants to go in on fried calamari or something that.
29:56
Speaker 2: And I want to make sure that I make this clear.
29:59
Speaker 2: I'm not demonized those foods, but I'm just saying if
30:01
Speaker 2: you went out on a Thursday with your friends and
30:04
Speaker 2: you were hoping or trying to maybe eat a little
30:07
Speaker 2: bit cleaner, and you end up in a situation where
30:09
Speaker 2: everyone else is okay eating those things that you didn't
30:12
Speaker 2: want to show up and eat yourself, then it can
30:14
Speaker 2: be a little difficult and a little frustrating.
30:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so let's bring perfection to that decision disruptor.
30:21
Speaker 1: So if it's eating like everyone else eating folding the
30:28
Speaker 1: same pattern, or eating you know, if they put plates
30:32
Speaker 1: and they doled out the column are you know, big
30:36
Speaker 1: heap on everyone's little appetizer plates, and you feel like
30:40
Speaker 1: I have to eat the whole thing, you know, or
30:43
Speaker 1: I can't have any of it. Right, It's this extreme
30:46
Speaker 1: all or nothing that's perfection. And what it does is
30:50
Speaker 1: it if you're feeling tempted and maybe ideally you wanted
30:54
Speaker 1: to eat clean and you didn't want the colum rade,
30:56
Speaker 1: but then you're with your friends and you want to
30:58
Speaker 1: partake in the celebratory evening, and you're like, I do
31:02
Speaker 1: like calamari. Perfection doesn't a lot us say I'm going
31:06
Speaker 1: to have two pieces of calamari, and you know, as
31:10
Speaker 1: that's my compromise. So those four things, temptation, rebellion, accommodation
31:16
Speaker 1: and perfection, and perfection sets the stage for all the rest.
31:20
Speaker 1: They're the noise in our heads. It's the stressful narrative
31:23
Speaker 1: or even unconscious narrative that is going on when we're
31:27
Speaker 1: at this point, like what am I going to do?
31:28
Speaker 1: What am I going to do? I didn't I want
31:31
Speaker 1: to eat clean, I don't want to have calamari, but
31:33
Speaker 1: I really want the calamari. When we can name eat
31:36
Speaker 1: those things in the moment, that's and that is why
31:40
Speaker 1: we pause before we do it. That's why there's a
31:43
Speaker 1: decision tool to help people do the strategic tactical thinking
31:48
Speaker 1: that enables them to name the decision disruptors or what
31:53
Speaker 1: I call the decision traps, so that they contain them
31:56
Speaker 1: in the moment and make a choice that is more
32:00
Speaker 1: but that they are more autonomously choosing, not reacting out
32:05
Speaker 1: of or succumbing to.
32:06
Speaker 2: All of this so so interesting and like you said,
32:10
Speaker 2: so so helpful because this knowledge helps us better inform
32:13
Speaker 2: the choices that we make going forward, so that we
32:15
Speaker 2: can prioritize what it is that we really want.
32:18
Speaker 1: And sometimes you may really want to call Mari and that's.
32:22
Speaker 2: Just fine, Michelle.
32:23
Speaker 1: What else do we need to know?
32:25
Speaker 2: Anything you want to add before we wrap this up
32:27
Speaker 2: with a bow.
32:28
Speaker 1: If people resonated with the decision disruptors or the traps,
32:33
Speaker 1: then they should feel free to go to my website
32:36
Speaker 1: where I have a quiz and they can take it
32:37
Speaker 1: and discover what their true traps are. And by knowing that,
32:42
Speaker 1: they'll be more strategically able to name what's getting in
32:45
Speaker 1: their way when they're at these points of conflict. And
32:49
Speaker 1: you know it's on my website.
32:50
Speaker 2: Amazing, So tell the hurdlers, how do they follow along
32:53
Speaker 2: with you? What's that website address? Give us all the details?
32:56
Speaker 1: Sure, it's Michelle seeger dot com e G A R.
33:01
Speaker 1: And if people are intrigued by these ideas, they should
33:04
Speaker 1: also feel free to check out my new book, The
33:06
Speaker 1: Joy Choice, and to sign up for my newsletter which
33:09
Speaker 1: is also there.
33:10
Speaker 2: Amazing. I'm over at Emily Body and at Hurdle Podcast,
33:14
Speaker 2: another hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next time.