Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #884 Stolen Scooters & Lessons Learnt

Transcript

#884 Stolen Scooters & Lessons Learnt · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for.
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  Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just wants answers.
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  Speaker 1: Now. I walked into the house and I started directing
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  Speaker 1: and directing everyone, you, the kids, the whole lot. And
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  Speaker 1: within about fourteen seconds, everything had gone kind of hell like.
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  Speaker 1: It was just horandous, wasn't it? And it was awful?
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  Speaker 2: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
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  Speaker 2: and dad.
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  Speaker 1: So Kylie. Lately, our figures show that we have a
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  Speaker 1: lot of new listeners to the Happy Families podcast. Yay,
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  Speaker 1: heaps of new listeners. So thank you very much everyone
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  Speaker 1: who's listening whose brand knew. We're so grateful to have
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  Speaker 1: you along. If you're willing, we would love for you
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  Speaker 1: to jump onto whatever app you're listening on and leave
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  Speaker 1: us a five star rating and review those ratings and
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: reviews help other people to find out about the podcast,
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  Speaker 1: how to chat with the podcast people who sort of
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  Speaker 1: look after all the back end for us, Kylie. The
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  Speaker 1: other day they gave us some news. We have just
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  Speaker 1: hit four million downloads for the year, four million downloads
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  Speaker 1: for the year, and we're on track, if everything goes right,
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  Speaker 1: for about five million by the end of the year. Wow,
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  Speaker 1: five million downloads.
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  Speaker 2: So to think when I came on a few years ago,
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  Speaker 2: you were lucky to be getting eight hundred downloads.
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  Speaker 1: Tomorrow, you claim it, baby, you just claim it five
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  Speaker 1: million anyway. Now, the reason that I wanted to mention, well,
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  Speaker 1: at least the fact that we've got a whole lot
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  Speaker 1: of new listeners, is because every Friday, if you're new here,
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  Speaker 1: what we do is it's almost like show and tell.
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  Speaker 1: It's kind of like news. We call it I'll do
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  Speaker 1: better tomorrow. And the idea behind our Friday podcast is
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  Speaker 1: we pull back the curtain and show you what's happening
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  Speaker 1: in our family, the winds and the losses, the nailed
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  Speaker 1: it and the failed it, the stuff that worked on
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  Speaker 1: the stuff that didn't. Because we think that as we're
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  Speaker 1: intentional about what we're doing in our family, we can
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  Speaker 1: help you to be more intentional in what's happening in yours. So, Kylie,
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  Speaker 1: let's hear it from you. Did you kick a goal
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  Speaker 1: this week? Or did the bottom drop out?
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  Speaker 2: Now? I pulled it together this week.
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  Speaker 1: Look at you go. After a couple of.
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  Speaker 2: Wayward weeks with homeschooling and just feeling like we'd hit
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  Speaker 2: rock bottom and I wasn't sure if we could keep
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  Speaker 2: moving forward. I was reminded of the need for intention
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  Speaker 2: and routine, and so I pulled those back out of
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  Speaker 2: my little toolkit. So on Sunday, I sat down with
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  Speaker 2: my diary and I started to look at what the
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  Speaker 2: big rocks were for the week, what things needed to
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  Speaker 2: go in. And I recognized that with my things, so
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  Speaker 2: my exercise and stuff, I actually need to be a
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  Speaker 2: little bit flexible because every day looks so different. But
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  Speaker 2: I actually put into the schedule the times that looked
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  Speaker 2: like they would work best, so I actually had a
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  Speaker 2: bit of a blueprint to work with. And then I
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  Speaker 2: mapped out the activities that I wanted to do with
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  Speaker 2: the kids throughout the week. So I can tell you
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  Speaker 2: now that pretty much every activity I put down, we
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  Speaker 2: did not do. But because I had been intentional about
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  Speaker 2: acknowledging that we needed to do something each day there
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  Speaker 2: was rainy weather, there was windy weather, it changed the
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  Speaker 2: dynamic of what we could and couldn't do, and so
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  Speaker 2: I just had to think on my feet a bit more.
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  Speaker 2: But because that intention was already set, it made for
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  Speaker 2: a really, really good week. I had one day where
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  Speaker 2: Miss thirteen was just in bed all day, and normally
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  Speaker 2: I'm going to just let the day disappear, but I thought,
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  Speaker 2: you know what, she's old enough, she can stay home.
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  Speaker 2: I'm going to take Miss nine out and we're actually
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  Speaker 2: going to spend some time together. So I took her
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  Speaker 2: to the Botanic gardens and we just sat under a tree.
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  Speaker 2: We took the picnic blanket, and I took a board
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  Speaker 2: game that has been sitting in our cupboard. I can't
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  Speaker 2: tell you how maybe two years.
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  Speaker 1: I can tell you yet two years, yeah, that we
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  Speaker 1: haven't learned to play.
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  Speaker 2: And she did such a good job of sitting there
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  Speaker 2: patiently as we both tried to work out how to
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  Speaker 2: play the game. We read the rules and we worked
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  Speaker 2: everything out together.
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  Speaker 1: And that's not her personality.
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  Speaker 2: It is not her personality. And once we'd played at once,
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  Speaker 2: I said, would you like to read your book now?
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  Speaker 2: And she said, no, I know, let's play it again.
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  Speaker 2: She really really enjoyed it. But at the end of
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  Speaker 2: that time together, I said to her, what do you
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  Speaker 2: love about homeschooling? And she said, I love it. Did
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  Speaker 2: I get to spend more time with you? And I said,
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  Speaker 2: I said, I really love spending time with you too.
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  Speaker 2: I said, what are you missing? And you know what
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  Speaker 2: she said? She absolutely blew my socks off. She said,
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  Speaker 2: I miss real learning. Four weeks at home just being
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  Speaker 2: able to kind of just do her own thing and
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  Speaker 2: explore the world as she knows it, and she misses
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  Speaker 2: real learning. She said, I miss doing mass and English
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  Speaker 2: and science and health and pea. And then she looked
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  Speaker 2: at me and she said, not the health part. I
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  Speaker 2: just missed the pea. And I looked at her and
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  Speaker 2: I said, this is awesome, because when we first started
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  Speaker 2: this process, in my head, I was like, we're going
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  Speaker 2: to do a project together and we're going to learn together.
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  Speaker 2: And I was so excited about everything, and it did
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  Speaker 2: not work out like that. But we're four weeks in
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  Speaker 2: and this kid has told me she is missing learning.
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  Speaker 2: So I looked at her. We've been reading a gardening
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  Speaker 2: book and I said, I think I think it's time
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  Speaker 2: for a worm farm. And she looked at me and
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  Speaker 2: she like a whole face lit up. So we got online.
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  Speaker 2: She found the worm farm, she found the worms. We
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  Speaker 2: brought a thousand worms.
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  Speaker 1: What are we going to do with a thousand worms?
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  Speaker 2: We stuck them in the worm cafe. It's called a
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  Speaker 2: worm cafe and we're learning all about recycling and composting,
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  Speaker 2: and she's just in heaven. It was so cool. I
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  Speaker 2: think the thing that stands out to me the most, though,
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  Speaker 2: is that I've just given them breathing space to recover
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  Speaker 2: from everything that's been going on in their world for
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  Speaker 2: a little while now, and just allowed them to come
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  Speaker 2: to their own conclusions and their own desires are coming forth.
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  Speaker 2: And as a result, Emily's ready, She's ready to learn,
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  Speaker 2: and she wants to learn that so much.
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  Speaker 1: Her big sister. Well, we still got a little bit
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  Speaker 1: of way to go for those of you who are
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  Speaker 1: new here. By the way, in the last four or
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  Speaker 1: five weeks, we've decided homeschool our two youngest kids. So
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  Speaker 1: we're doing this little live experiment that we're letting you
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  Speaker 1: in on.
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  Speaker 2: What's your experience you want to share?
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  Speaker 1: Okay, my old dibut it. Tomorrow, I'm going to be
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  Speaker 1: a bit sneaky. Two are going in. And the reason
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  Speaker 1: two are going in is because I had a really,
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  Speaker 1: really great experience that I wanted to share. But in
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  Speaker 1: the interest of transparency and honesty and authenticity, I don't
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  Speaker 1: feel like I can share the great experience without highlighting
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  Speaker 1: that I get stuff wrong a fair bit and I
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  Speaker 1: just blew it. So I'm going to start with my
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  Speaker 1: terrible story, and then I'm going to share my amazing
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  Speaker 1: story because I just nailed it. So I wasn't having
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  Speaker 1: the greatest day on this particular day. I had just
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  Speaker 1: paid a great, big tax bill that didn't make me
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  Speaker 1: feel good because nobody likes paying taxes. I know they
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  Speaker 1: help us to make our country function. But anyway, I
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  Speaker 1: was feeling cranky. But I'd also been working really really
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  Speaker 1: hard all day and had missed some food. And I
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  Speaker 1: came in a little bit after what lunchtime should have been,
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  Speaker 1: and I don't know, I mean, the kids weren't doing
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  Speaker 1: what I thought they should have been doing, and I
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  Speaker 1: was hungry and cranky, and I just started bossing everyone around.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, I have this conversation with people when I
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  Speaker 1: run my workshops about how we can view our relationship
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  Speaker 1: with our kids like a bucket, and in that bucket,
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  Speaker 1: we either want water, which is connection, or we have air,
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  Speaker 1: just correction and direction. And nobody wants to carry around
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  Speaker 1: an empty bucket, Like who wants to carry around a
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  Speaker 1: bucket full of air? You want to carry around a
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  Speaker 1: bucket that's got water in it. The water is why
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  Speaker 1: you have a bucket. So if you've got a relationship,
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  Speaker 1: that's all correction and direction, that's all air. We're just
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  Speaker 1: carrying around an empty bucket. And I walked into the
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  Speaker 1: house and I started correcting and directing everyone, you, the kids,
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  Speaker 1: the whole lot. And within about fourteen seconds, everything had
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  Speaker 1: gone gone to hell. Like it was just horrendous, wasn't
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  Speaker 1: it. It was awful, and you got cranky at me, and
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  Speaker 1: rightly so. And then I said some things that I
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  Speaker 1: shouldn't have said, and I just, I mean, I want
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  Speaker 1: to I want to share that because it just highlights
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  Speaker 1: when we enter a room and when we see things
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  Speaker 1: going on that aren't what our expectations are. We can
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  Speaker 1: be soft and gentle and compassionate and kind and understanding,
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  Speaker 1: or we can blow up. And when we blow up,
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  Speaker 1: we make a big mess. And that's what I did.
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  Speaker 1: And it was horrible and it was just it was
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  Speaker 1: such a great reminder. I can't remember the last time
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  Speaker 1: we've had an incident like that has been a long time,
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  Speaker 1: and it felt awful and it was just that kick
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  Speaker 1: in the pants that I needed. And then you made
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  Speaker 1: sure that kick the pants remained, because I don't think
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  Speaker 1: you talked to me for a few hours like it lasted.
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  Speaker 1: It lasted a while anyway. So just a reminder, let's
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  Speaker 1: be soft, let's be gentle, Let's recognize that if we're
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  Speaker 1: not doing well, it's probably not the right time to
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  Speaker 1: step into correction and direction mode. We need to have
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  Speaker 1: connection before we start pointing out places that people can improve,
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  Speaker 1: and we need to work on ourselves more than other people.
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  Speaker 1: My great story, though, just briefly, is that we got
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  Speaker 1: a phone call on Saturday from our thirteen year old daughter, Lily.
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  Speaker 1: She jumped on We've got one of those electric scooters,
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  Speaker 1: one of those what do they call them, the Segway scooters.
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  Speaker 1: We've had it for four or five years now, and
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  Speaker 1: she had jumped on the scooter and scooted down to
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  Speaker 1: Sunshine Plaza so she can hang out with some friends.
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  Speaker 1: She called you in tears. Now I'm not quite sure
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  Speaker 1: why you handed me the phone.
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  Speaker 2: Because she needed to hear from you that it was okay.
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  Speaker 1: What had happened is that in spite of the fact
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  Speaker 1: that she had locked up the scooter, somebody had busted
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  Speaker 1: through the lock and stolen the scooter. She was devastated.
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  Speaker 1: I mean she was sobbing down the phone, and I
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  Speaker 1: remember hearing the tears and hearing the anguish in her
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  Speaker 1: voice and thinking, I've really got to be at my
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  Speaker 1: best right now. My third year old daughter needs me
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  Speaker 1: to get this right. And as she cried and told
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  Speaker 1: me what had happened, I said to her, Lily, people matter,
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  Speaker 1: things don't. And then I said to her, do you
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  Speaker 1: want to walk home or do you want me to
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  Speaker 1: come and get you. Do you want some time in
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  Speaker 1: the open air to just breathe and think, or do
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  Speaker 1: you want me to come and pick you up in
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  Speaker 1: the car. And so I went and collected her, and
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  Speaker 1: I gave her a big hug, and I just let
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  Speaker 1: her know that we would talk about it later, but
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  Speaker 1: for now, we didn't need to talk about it at all.
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  Speaker 1: She just needed to know that I'm glad she's okay.
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  Speaker 1: She showed me where they'd bent the bar that she
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  Speaker 1: was tied up to, like they had really properly stolen
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  Speaker 1: this thing. It's not like she left it unlocked. And
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  Speaker 1: I said, so, well, we'll have a little tutorial to
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  Speaker 1: make sure that we are locking it up well, because
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  Speaker 1: she's going to right for bike down. We don't want
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  Speaker 1: the bike to get sold, and so let's make sure
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  Speaker 1: that we're locking things up properly. But you're not in trouble.
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  Speaker 1: I'm not going to blame you for somebody else's bad behavior.
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  Speaker 1: You haven't done the wrong thing here, and people matter,
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  Speaker 1: things don't. I'm much more concerned about you than I
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  Speaker 1: am the scooter, and Kylie, I don't know about you,
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  Speaker 1: But I just felt like that was pretty close to
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  Speaker 1: perfect parenting, felt like I got it right in light.
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  Speaker 2: Of the conversation that we had yet just yesterday about
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  Speaker 2: finances and how as we get Christmas. Yeah, it really
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  Speaker 2: kind of just strikes me that so often when our
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  Speaker 2: kids find themselves in situations like this, or even when
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  Speaker 2: they've done the wrong thing, our first reaction is the
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  Speaker 2: money we've lost that money, or oh my gosh, we're
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  Speaker 2: never going to be able to afford to get another
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  Speaker 2: one of those scooters again, or whatever it is. And
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  Speaker 2: yet in that moment, being able to remember that, just
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  Speaker 2: like you said so beautifully, people matter, not things.
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  Speaker 1: So that's our older better tomorrow. We hope that it's
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  Speaker 1: inspired better parenting for you this weekend. Have a great
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  Speaker 1: weekend with your family. The Happy Families podcast is produced
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  Speaker 1: by Justin Rowan from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: executive producer and For more and far about making your
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: family happier, please visit us at happy families dot com
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: dot a U or check out our Facebook page. Dr
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: Justin Courson's Happy Families. Oh hey, We're on Instagram and
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: we're on TikTok as well