Latest / Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad / Dear Banya: Windowless Advice

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Dear Banya: Windowless Advice · Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad

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  Speaker 1: Scrubbing in with Beca Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio
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  Speaker 1: and two time People's Choice Award winning podcast. Hello everybody,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: we are scrubbing in.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: That we are we're not in our usual studio. It
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  Speaker 2: does Donia feeling absolutely off.
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  Speaker 3: I'm just feeling really off.
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  Speaker 4: She doesn't have a wind. We don't have a window
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  Speaker 4: in this studio.
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  Speaker 3: It impacts me.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, no, no clocks.
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  Speaker 5: It's like we're in Vegas right now.
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  Speaker 1: It affects my ethos. My starcadian rhythm is off.
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  Speaker 3: Exactly.
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  Speaker 4: That is it. That is true. It's weird.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, Well.
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  Speaker 2: We do what we have to do. That's Studio A
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  Speaker 2: was not available, so we've moved to plan B. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: Studio B, and we are recording the podcast without windows,
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  Speaker 2: without those of.
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  Speaker 3: My advice is going to be like today.
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  Speaker 1: A teaser for the never know what you're gonna get
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: with me today?
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  Speaker 2: Well, we do have a Dear Bonya episode and I
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: feel like, shall we jump into it or did you
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: have any small talk you needed to get off your chest.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: I am trying to like revamp my style a little bit.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know if you noticed, like I look a
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  Speaker 1: little cuter today.
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  Speaker 4: You do look very cute today.
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  Speaker 3: Thank you?
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  Speaker 4: What are you revamping your what are you doing for.
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  Speaker 3: Your It's like my Tender Tanya season, and.
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  Speaker 2: So it's Tender Tanya soft girl still or what's the difference?
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  Speaker 1: A basically soft girl era, but just like it's soft
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  Speaker 1: with a little bit of self care, you know.
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  Speaker 4: So it's it's the same thing you just coined a
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  Speaker 4: new name.
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  Speaker 6: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, she's a little more put together than soft Girl era,
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  Speaker 1: like Tender Tanya.
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  Speaker 4: Like she's a vibe. So it's just come for your close.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, but like still look in cheek.
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  Speaker 4: Okay, I see put together. It's it.
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  Speaker 3: She can conquer the world, but she wants to nap instead.
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  Speaker 4: Can conquer the world.
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  Speaker 3: She can conquer the world, but she would like a
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  Speaker 3: nap instead.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, you're really leaning into the love for Lea.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: I think.
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  Speaker 1: I'm trying to really lean into taking care of my body, mental, physical.
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  Speaker 1: I've always been just like get up, grind, get up, grind,
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  Speaker 1: get up, grind, go go go, go go.
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  Speaker 3: And this is the first time that I've just kind
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  Speaker 3: of like let go and let God.
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  Speaker 1: And it's really weird, like I'm not used to it.
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  Speaker 1: It's like definitely been like a rewiring of my brain.
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  Speaker 2: Well, once you let yourself lay, it's hard to get
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  Speaker 2: back up and grind.
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  Speaker 1: It's very hard to get up and grind. Luckily, I
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  Speaker 1: don't need to do that right now. Like, I'm still
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  Speaker 1: in my like tender Toonia phase.
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  Speaker 4: How long does a tender Tania phase live? As long
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  Speaker 4: as it has to? How do you know when it's over?
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  Speaker 3: You'll know when it's over.
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  Speaker 4: But what's the sign of it being over?
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  Speaker 1: Well, well, when I have a baby. So we're just
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  Speaker 1: tender up until okay, yeah, we're just tender to the
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  Speaker 1: foreseeable future.
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  Speaker 4: Okay, okay, yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Well I think that's a good segue into this first
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  Speaker 2: Dear bonya question perfect speaking of babies Easton.
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  Speaker 7: This one's from anonymous Dear Beca Tanya Mark and Easton,
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  Speaker 7: longtime listener of the pod, and I always love the
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  Speaker 7: Dear Bonnie episodes. So here's my question. I was recently
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  Speaker 7: invited to a friend's baby shower. She's pregnant with her
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  Speaker 7: second baby, her first boy, and I'm also pregnant with
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  Speaker 7: my third boy. We're actually do you just a week
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  Speaker 7: apart in May? How fun? We've definitely we've done playdates
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  Speaker 7: with our kids, and we enjoy spending time together, but
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  Speaker 7: I wouldn't say we're super close. That said, the fact
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  Speaker 7: that she invited me to her shower, which was about
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  Speaker 7: twenty people, felt meaningful to me. While we were chatting
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  Speaker 7: at the shower, she mentioned that her top two names
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  Speaker 7: are Atlas and Cyprus. Her daughter's name is Ayla or Isla.
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  Speaker 7: I think it's Isla too. My two boys are out
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  Speaker 7: who My two boys are Atleasts, who's three and a half,
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  Speaker 7: and Everest, who is two and a half. I have
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  Speaker 7: always loved that my kids have unique names, and honestly,
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  Speaker 7: I don't know anyone else with the names Atlas or Everest,
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  Speaker 7: even from when I was teaching elementary school. So I
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  Speaker 7: immediately started feeling a little weird that one of her
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  Speaker 7: top name choices is the exact name of my son.
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  Speaker 7: I know Atlas is becoming more popular, but does that
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  Speaker 7: feel a little strange or am I making too big
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  Speaker 7: of a deal out of it. I would really appreciate
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  Speaker 7: the insight. Thanks so much. PS. When she was opening
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  Speaker 7: gifts at the end, she got a lot of outer
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  Speaker 7: space themed items. I mentioned the whole group that they're
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  Speaker 7: doing a space theme for the nursery. That made me
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  Speaker 7: think she's definitely going to pick Atlas.
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  Speaker 5: Damn.
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  Speaker 1: I just want to start out with this one line
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  Speaker 1: that you said, we've done play dates with our kids
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  Speaker 1: and we enjoy spending time together, but I wouldn't.
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  Speaker 4: Say we're super close. Period.
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  Speaker 3: Get over it. Atlas is a popular name.
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  Speaker 2: Well, I think the conflict is that she doesn't perceive
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  Speaker 2: them as super close, but she was invited to a
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  Speaker 2: twenty person baby shower, so she feels they're very close. Okay,
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  Speaker 2: would have been She's thinking, yeah, you you perceive me
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  Speaker 2: as a close enough friend him by metior shower, and
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  Speaker 2: you're gonna name your kid after my kid. I think
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  Speaker 2: that's her dilemma, is that I don't perceive us to
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  Speaker 2: be super close. But here's the thing with names, If anything,
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  Speaker 2: you can think of it as a compliment. You know,
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  Speaker 2: it's like someone picking the same outfit as you, and
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  Speaker 2: you just perceive it as they like my style. She
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  Speaker 2: loves the choice that you made to name your kids.
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  Speaker 2: It's such a cute name.
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  Speaker 3: The ages, so it's not like they're going to be
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  Speaker 3: in the same class.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, I had a friend who was going to name
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  Speaker 4: their baby Atlas, like it is.
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  Speaker 1: A very have somebody in my family name Atlas. Shane
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  Speaker 1: Mitchell's kids name is Atlas. That's just too off the
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  Speaker 1: top of my head. If I really dug, I think
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  Speaker 1: I could find more.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, and and their different age range, so they're not
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  Speaker 2: it's not as though they're going to be like, who
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  Speaker 2: is which at lists are you talking about?
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  Speaker 3: I think?
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  Speaker 7: I mean, I think in a post it ends with
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  Speaker 7: us world. There's a lot of outlasses out there.
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  Speaker 1: I think my hot take is people need to be
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  Speaker 1: a little less what's the word sensitive about people having
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  Speaker 1: the names of their children, Like, there's so many people
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  Speaker 1: in the world.
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  Speaker 2: I think if it was your sister, I would have
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  Speaker 2: issues or as a family member, ye say, hey, this
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  Speaker 2: makes things a little complicated. I think it being someone
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  Speaker 2: that you don't perceive have a super close relationship with
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  Speaker 2: and a different age range as your son, you're in
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  Speaker 2: the clear.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Like my.
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  Speaker 1: My sister in law and my brother in law, Robbie's brother.
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  Speaker 1: One of their kids' names is like one of my
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  Speaker 1: dream names. Like I think it's so cute. Yeah, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: it's just like such.
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  Speaker 3: A cute name.
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  Speaker 1: I love the name. I would totally take that name
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  Speaker 1: if it but They're like, literally could not be closer
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  Speaker 1: family cousins. Yeah, so, but I think it's like a
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  Speaker 1: comp and that's.
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  Speaker 4: What I'm saying.
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  Speaker 2: I think I would just shift your mindset of saying
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  Speaker 2: it doesn't it really in the in the grand scheme
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  Speaker 2: of things, does not affect you or your son at all.
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  Speaker 2: And if anything, it's a compliment that she heard the
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  Speaker 2: name and thought, oh my gosh, my first boy I
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  Speaker 2: would love I'm going to use that name. Ye, maybe
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  Speaker 2: it's going to be Cyprus and all this for nothing,
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  Speaker 2: all this worry for nothing.
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  Speaker 1: It just feels like no need to worry, please, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: no need.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, you have great names, great names. Ever, Ever, I.
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  Speaker 3: Can't wait here first, like your kid came first.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, you did it first, and I need to know.
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  Speaker 2: I would like to know what your third boy name
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  Speaker 2: is going to be, because you have really cute names
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  Speaker 2: and maybe Tanya can steal it.
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  Speaker 4: We need some over here.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, like, would you be upset if you had
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  Speaker 1: a kid, Like if I had a kid and I
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  Speaker 1: named it leaf, I don't I just looked at the
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  Speaker 1: leaf whatever I'm trying to use not And then you
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  Speaker 1: had a kid and you're like, I love the name.
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  Speaker 1: I want to, And it was like two years later,
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  Speaker 1: I'd be like, name your kid leaf.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, I want to do that. I'm thinking because.
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  Speaker 3: We're best friends, I know, but I wouldn't care.
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  Speaker 4: I know, I wouldn't care either, But I want to.
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  Speaker 1: My leaf and your leaf might be going to different schools,
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  Speaker 1: they might be going to different colleges. They're going to
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  Speaker 1: live different lives, right right. If they don't, it'd be
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  Speaker 1: weird to have like leaf and leaf leaves they'd.
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  Speaker 3: Leave yeah together.
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  Speaker 4: All I'm saying is take it as a compliment.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, all right, next week, have questions about religion?
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  Speaker 7: Oh, question about religion? All right, Dear Banya and Meeston.
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  Speaker 7: I feel like everyone here starts their emails with day
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  Speaker 7: one scerber, but I genuinely am one, and I remember
• 8:45
  Speaker 7: when Tanya first came on.
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  Speaker 5: I also remember the Mandle days. That was a wild time.
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  Speaker 7: Anyway, I wanted to write in with our question for
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  Speaker 7: both of you. I recall that in the past you've
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  Speaker 7: each talked about attending church and having evolving relationships with
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  Speaker 7: God and faith. With Easter just passing, I couldn't help,
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  Speaker 7: but wonder where you're faith stands today.
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  Speaker 5: Tanya.
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  Speaker 7: I've noticed you celebrate many Jewish holidays with Robbie. Have
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  Speaker 7: you ever considered converting to Judaism and would Robbie ever
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  Speaker 7: attend church with you? I also noticed that you didn't
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  Speaker 7: really celebrate Easter this year, but did celebrate Passover, which
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  Speaker 7: made me curious about how you're approaching faith these days. Becca,
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  Speaker 7: I remember how meaningful it was when Haley took you
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  Speaker 7: to church. Do you see faith playing a role in
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  Speaker 7: your wedding? I also understand that the church has a
• 9:23
  Speaker 7: history being hurtful to the LGBTQ plus community, which you've
• 9:26
  Speaker 7: spoken about before, so I completely understand withdrawing. I was
• 9:29
  Speaker 7: raised Presbyterian, but my long term boyfriend is Catholic, so
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  Speaker 7: I'm always fascinated by how other couples handle their personal
• 9:35
  Speaker 7: faith while also supporting their partner's beliefs.
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  Speaker 5: Okay, Olivia, Bye.
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: That's a great ending. You can start it off.
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  Speaker 1: I think Robbie has come to church with me. He's
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: not opposed at all.
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  Speaker 3: He would go to church with me. He even offered
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  Speaker 3: to go to church with me on Easter. Like He's not.
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  Speaker 4: Anti anti by any means.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: I think that we celebrate a lot of the Jewish
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  Speaker 1: holidays because his family they all live we literally all
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  Speaker 1: of his family lives within like a five minute radius
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  Speaker 1: of where we live, and those like Jewish traditions and
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: those holidays have like very specific things that they do
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: and that they've done every single year, and so it
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  Speaker 1: just kind of happens that way. I also have really
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  Speaker 1: grown to love the Jewish faith. I think there's so
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: much there that's so like beautiful, and I love a
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  Speaker 1: lot of their traditions. So I've really kind of leaned
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: in on that what I consider converting totally. It's not
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: anything I'm doing at the moment, but it's definitely something
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  Speaker 1: that I've thought about.
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  Speaker 3: But I don't know, it's really weird.
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  Speaker 1: I feel like when you're not when you're younger and
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: you're not in a relationship, and you like think about
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: these things and you put all these parameters on, like
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  Speaker 1: my partner needs to be the same faith as me,
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  Speaker 1: and we have to a church together, we have to
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  Speaker 1: do these things da da, And then you find your
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: partner and it's not what it looks like. I think
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  Speaker 1: that's also very damaging, and so I've kind of just
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  Speaker 1: like it hasn't affected my faith, my relationship with God,
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  Speaker 1: that is the foundation. Like I still pray, it just
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: kind of looks a little bit different because of the
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  Speaker 1: relationship that I'm in.
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  Speaker 4: I think my faith is ever evolving.
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  Speaker 2: I never want to feel stagnant in it, but I
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  Speaker 2: do think there's been things where I have withdrawn from
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  Speaker 2: what I grew up believing, just because I see it
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  Speaker 2: from a different lens now. I've always maintained that my
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  Speaker 2: relationship with God will always be something that's so important
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  Speaker 2: to me and what I believe, and it's kind of
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  Speaker 2: a pillar of my life.
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  Speaker 4: It's hard for me.
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  Speaker 2: With organized religion, specifically the Christians and the Evangelical denomination,
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  Speaker 2: to see how they've acted. I think with this administration
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  Speaker 2: right now and how people treat people, I have found
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: myself wanting to get further away from that and find
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: it more within like my own personal relationship.
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  Speaker 4: Because I know people say, well, those are people, that's
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: not who God or Jesus is.
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  Speaker 2: But I think when you're called to represent God and
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  Speaker 2: Jesus and that's how you represent him, I have found
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  Speaker 2: it quite off putting. So I think I've struggled with
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  Speaker 2: trying to figure out where I identify in that regard.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: But I've always maintained that my faith is super important
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  Speaker 2: to me and that having a relationship with God is
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: so important to me and where I base a lot
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  Speaker 2: of my decisions off of. But Hayley didn't grow up
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  Speaker 2: with religion, so we have a lot of conversations about
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  Speaker 2: it and she's totally open's. She even asked me on
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: Easter like, do you have any traditions? Do you want
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: to go to church? I'll go with you. You know,
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: she has no do not anti at all. But I
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: also think from her perspective, there is a lot of
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: hurt within the LGBTQ community and Christianity. So I think
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  Speaker 2: it's just complicated and I never want to say I
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: used to feel like such a know it all and
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: I was like a very judgmental person when it came
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: to that. And I think meeting people from different cultures
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: and religions and seeing people different backgrounds and seeing how
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: beautiful different religions and cultures are made me open my
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: mind up to it and not feel so judgmental towards
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: other people who believe differently than me. And so it's
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: just kind of an ever evolving me wanting to learn
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: and ask questions and hear other people's experiences, but knowing
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: that ultimately, religion and a relationship with God is such
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: a personal thing and I think that's where I stand
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: on it right now.
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  Speaker 4: But it's complicated.
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, here's the thing.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: It's like you grow, e've alve, you change. I think
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: for me, like Christmas is obviously a huge tradition that
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: I've always had, like as a kid, and that's something
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: that I will always I will remain to have no
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: matter what. And the way that my step kids have
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: embraced Christmas and the tree is so beautiful. And even
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: my step son was like, when are we doing our
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Easter egg hunt this year? Because we didn't have them
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: on Easter this year, and so I ended up doing
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: one for him this past weekend. But I thought, it's
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: like so sweet that he likes that tradition that I
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: was doing with them when I started dating their dad,
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: and you know what I mean. So I think that's
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: also really cool that they're open to that and like that.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: And again it's not so just like all in on
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: like one faith. So yeah, it's kind of evolving, yeah,
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: shape shifting, No, that's not the right word shifting, growing.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: But thank you for such a respectful question. And also
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: I also was the same way I had my list
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  Speaker 2: of and it was.
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: Like they better be a man of God.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: And you know, I think as you grow and you
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: fall in love with someone, you learn. I mean, this
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: has just been my experience and obviously yours two specifically
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: our relationships being with someone who believes differently than us
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: has been a growing process and a learning process.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and also like no judgment on either end. You know,
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: I grew up serving Orthodox, which is like totally different,
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: you know, like Orthodox Easter was this past weekend, and
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: the and the Christmas is also different. But my parents
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: always celebrated Christmas on I guess it's like Catholic Christmas
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: because we were going to school and they didn't want
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: us to feel different and like you know, all that
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: kind of stuff. So it's always kind of been evolving
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: and changing for me throughout my life.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: And I think she's just going to continue to do that.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we have our next question is throwing it back
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: to ninety five p days.
• 15:56
  Speaker 6: Oh wow, maybe we should take a break. Wow we're
• 16:16
  Speaker 6: back back back back, Okay.
• 16:20
  Speaker 5: All right, waiting for my queue.
• 16:22
  Speaker 7: Hi Bonnia and me Sin Newish Scrubber here and started
• 16:26
  Speaker 7: listening to the podcast this past fall. Welcome found scrubbing
• 16:29
  Speaker 7: in through TikTok.
• 16:31
  Speaker 6: Wow.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 16:33
  Speaker 7: I feel good about that. That's a good sign as
• 16:36
  Speaker 7: a true gen Zer, and I've been a dedicated scrubber since.
• 16:40
  Speaker 7: Listen Up Advertisers, gen Z listens. I started listening to
• 16:43
  Speaker 7: new episodes, and I thought it would be fun to
• 16:44
  Speaker 7: work my way back from present day to the start
• 16:46
  Speaker 7: of the pod. I did listened to some older podcast
• 16:49
  Speaker 7: episodes out of order, though, like when Becca announced her
• 16:51
  Speaker 7: relationship publicly, when you had Haley on, and when you
• 16:54
  Speaker 7: had Robbie on, et cetera, et cetera. So I knew
• 16:56
  Speaker 7: some of the ninety five P lore. But I do
• 16:58
  Speaker 7: have a question since now I'm an episod so it's
• 17:00
  Speaker 7: from twenty twenty one, before the relationship was announced publicly.
• 17:03
  Speaker 7: Becca many times talked about Haley and mentioned her by
• 17:06
  Speaker 7: name well in some of the same episodes where she
• 17:08
  Speaker 7: also mentioned ninety five P. My question is, how did
• 17:11
  Speaker 7: you think people would view Haley at that point as
• 17:13
  Speaker 7: a friend? Were you slowly trying to give the hint
• 17:15
  Speaker 7: that she may be ninety five P. Sorry if this
• 17:18
  Speaker 7: question doesn't make total sense. There's too personal, but I'm
• 17:20
  Speaker 7: just genuinely curious. Anyways, I really love the pod. It's
• 17:23
  Speaker 7: one of the few they listened to you every single week.
• 17:24
  Speaker 7: And all of your friendships are very fine and beautiful
• 17:26
  Speaker 7: to witness even through a screen.
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: Wow. Wow a gen z that found us through TikTok.
• 17:32
  Speaker 4: We are young and hip. I am trying to remember
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: my mindset. I think I.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: Remember so you would like you would mention Haley in
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: like conversations, like, oh, Haley and I went to lunch,
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: or does I did that whenever you mentioned anything romantic
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: ninety five P.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: So you Yeah, I think people saw us hanging out,
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: and we would post photos where we were in the
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: same place or doing the same thing. So I knew
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: that people knew I hung out with Hayley, and I
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: just would assume if people were using critical thinking skills,
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: if they heard how much I was with Haley, that
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: they would assume while they're probably dating. But I wasn't
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: ready to confirm it. So when I talked about my partner,
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: it was ninety five P. And I still don't know
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: how we did that for so long.
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: We really locked in.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: But yeah, it was it was just kind of I
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: couldn't avoid, and I never wanted Haley to feel hidden.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: So it was that balance of being private about our
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: relationship but not making it seem like I wasn't associated
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: with her in a capacity, So I assumed. I think
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: that's why when we did go public, there was this
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: feeling of elation but also overwhelming love from our scrubbers,
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: because I knew that most of them knew, Like we
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: have smart listeners. I don't think that they're not catching
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: all that.
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: I feel like not a lot of people knew. I
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: do feel like.
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: Scrubbers. I think are scrubbers.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: I think like maybe I knew what was going on,
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: but I think the general consensus was not.
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: That's so interesting.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: I find that our scrubbers, I would imagine a bunch
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: of our scrubbers knew, and they were disrespectful to the
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: situation to be like thoughtful and respectful to me, right right, right,
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: But I just assumed.
• 19:25
  Speaker 4: I'll let people use context clues and yeah, I was.
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: Like, she's hanging out Haley more than she's hanging.
• 19:30
  Speaker 7: Out with me.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: That should be I mean, we're giving you something I've
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: lived together.
• 19:35
  Speaker 4: Really, that's like a whole thing with.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: WLW relationships what's the thing, like they were roommates in quotes, right,
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: there's a.
• 19:48
  Speaker 7: On Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyland. There's like when
• 19:52
  Speaker 7: you when you're waiting in line, there's like paintings of
• 19:54
  Speaker 7: the pirates of like other pirates or something, and when
• 19:56
  Speaker 7: you cut off the.
• 19:57
  Speaker 5: I'm trying to find it.
• 19:58
  Speaker 7: There's there's two ladies vironts that are that are roommates. Yeah,
• 20:03
  Speaker 7: every time we write that, right, and like we because
• 20:06
  Speaker 7: I think there's a lower that they're officially.
• 20:08
  Speaker 5: Roommates, and uh, you know we read between the lines.
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: I know how like well because advanced of Disney or.
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: Well, yeah, Disney's Disney's advance like that.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: But a lot of people, especially before it was accepted,
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: like they would have their roommate friend. Like you think
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: about people who had their aunt or someone in their
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: life and they had their roommate who was always with them.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: You know, you probably have an aunt somewhere down the
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: line together.
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: But it wasn't accepted.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: So there was that even going to common this weekend,
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: this woman I'm standing with Haley and.
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: She goes, oh my gosh, you're engaged.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: Your rink so beautiful, but where's your is your are
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: you with your husband? Is your husband coming or something?
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: I go, oh, no, this is my fiance. Just look
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: at her ring.
• 21:01
  Speaker 5: We both have.
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: Rings and she's holding my hand right now like.
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: We just kissed.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: But yeah, you know, people are always asked, and no
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: one's ever God forbid, lucky me knock on wood whatever
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: I'm supposed to say, knock on wood. Every time I
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: say that, and everyone just goes, oh my gosh, what
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: that's so cool. You know, no one ever has a
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: negative reaction. But I've been lucky in that regard.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I would hope not, especially from a stranger. That'd
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: be even weird.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: I promise you there are people who have had really
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: we are in a bubble.
• 21:36
  Speaker 4: In California that we are anyway.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: So yeah, I think I just assumed that people would
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: assume this Haley girl that I'm hanging out with all
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: the time, they must be really good friends.
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: And the fact that I wasn't jealous about your friendship.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, the context, so yeah, that was a really
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: big context.
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: They're like, well, tonya really handles this friendship.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: So well, all right, next one, do we do destination
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: wedding idea?
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 22:08
  Speaker 7: Yeah, Another anonymous this person's busy. Hi, I'd rather stay
• 22:13
  Speaker 7: and on and on because just because I'm shy, I'm
• 22:16
  Speaker 7: too shy. First, I love you guys so much, would
• 22:18
  Speaker 7: love everyone's input. Tanya, you're my destination beach wedding in
• 22:22
  Speaker 7: Mexico inspiration, and I'm wore a stealing your idea for
• 22:26
  Speaker 7: the handwritten guest notes. I wanted to think of more
• 22:28
  Speaker 7: than I can do to keep it personal and everyone
• 22:30
  Speaker 7: feeling special too. I'm hesitant to do gift bags. I
• 22:33
  Speaker 7: don't really want to do the whole emergency kit thing.
• 22:35
  Speaker 7: Anything personal I can replace that with or anywhere else
• 22:38
  Speaker 7: in the weekend, I can string personal touches for guests
• 22:40
  Speaker 7: in We're having a welcome dinner the wedding and a
• 22:43
  Speaker 7: day after beach hag so excited to hear ideas. Y'all
• 22:46
  Speaker 7: are so thoughtful, so I need to come here. Also,
• 22:48
  Speaker 7: if Tanya has any other advice or things to note
• 22:50
  Speaker 7: for a destination wedding, I'd love to hear it.
• 22:52
  Speaker 5: Love at day one, you really.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: Did nail the destination wedding in Mexico. I did well.
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: It felt very seamless and for a destination wedding locked
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: in and organized and yeah.
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: Wow, shout out to Marjorie, my wedding planner.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: But I think in terms of like the destination of
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: it all, I was very anxious about forgetting something, Like
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: I was like, heaven forbid I forget something of my
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: Like I needed my daily repertoire on my wedding weekend.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: So I started packing like a month before, Like I
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: just brought my suitcase out and I just started packing
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: stuff just so I wouldn't forget, and I would leave
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: notes of things to remember, like not to forget because
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: you do get. Really there's so much, and then you're packing,
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: you're saying you don't want to do the welcome bags,
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: but it's like all this stuff for the welcome bags,
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: all the cards, your vows, all this stuff for the wedding,
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: every little trinket, every part of your outfit, for multiple parties.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: It's a lot, and then there's like a lot of
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: pressure on it too. So in terms of personal touches,
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: I do feel like the cards are really nice. We
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: wanted everybody to have something to do while we were
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: taking some photos before the reception. But I don't think
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: it's a bad idea if you don't want to do
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: welcome bags, to do the letters as like a welcome.
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: Letter in their rooms.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: Right, If you don't want to do a gift bag
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: or like an emergency kit, I don't know what else
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: you could do.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: I mean you could do a you could have a
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: photo if you have photos with everyone, you could have
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: a photo kind of either like in clear frames and
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: then the card with it, so that way it's a personal.
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's easy.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: You can get those clear plastic frames on Amazon and
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: like bolks. Yeah, and just print out photos of you
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: with the people, the guests who are coming.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: Or like even a fan fans, maybe you're a wedding hashtag.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: So it's not like a gift bag, but it's like something.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: And if you're doing it somewhere where it's warm, they'll
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: use the fans great touch.
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: Thanks, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: I think there's really cute things you can do to
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: make it feel personal without needing to do like full merch,
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: because the merch was a I mean trying to get
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: it through customs was a lot, a lot stressful.
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I stress.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: I didn't need Yeah, I did not need to feel
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: I was like, if they take all my stuff for
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: my gift bags, and I'm left with nothing.
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna have a full blown melt out at this airport.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, so yeah, it was stressful.
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: But I also think there's other things you can do too.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: Like I don't even know if anybody noticed this, but
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: on our day after the wedding, like our beach or
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: pool hang or whatever, we had our logo yad Rad
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: etched into some of the coconuts, like for the coconut water,
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: and I thought that was like a cute little touch,
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: you know.
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think there's things you can do.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: And if you're like I don't want to have to
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: carry a ton and spend money, you can do simple
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: things that don't And you can ask.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: The hotel too, like what if they offer anything. They're
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: like simple little things that they could do. There's like
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: something that they can put in everybody's room, Yeah, with
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: like a little note on the plate, you know how
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: they write a happy birthday chocolate covered strawberries or something.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, but anyways, congratulations, yeah, excite, good luck with
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: the planning.
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: Oh so exciting. So go back to March twenty twenty five.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: If I could relive that weekend over and over and
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: over again, I would.
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: It was so fun.
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: It was so fun.
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: Okay, we're gonna take a break, and then we have
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: one more question, which involves Ask a Guy Panel TV.
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: We have a couple of tbts this episode, so we'll
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: be right back.
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: We're back.
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: I tried to give you a hint that it was coming.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: All right, our final question Easton take it Away?
• 26:57
  Speaker 5: Also from anonymous.
• 26:58
  Speaker 7: Wow, hi all, Sorry this has been asked before, but
• 27:00
  Speaker 7: I've restarted the podcast again, probably my third time. I
• 27:03
  Speaker 7: love listening while driving to work and cleaning the house
• 27:06
  Speaker 7: and at work, especially since I know what's happening present day.
• 27:09
  Speaker 7: Keeps me laughing and smiling during my night shift. In
• 27:11
  Speaker 7: the Ask a Guy Panel with Nick Brad and Brooks,
• 27:14
  Speaker 7: Tany revealed she took notes on an app of guys.
• 27:16
  Speaker 5: Did she take notes on Robbie?
• 27:18
  Speaker 7: Yes, for the rest of you, if you could go
• 27:21
  Speaker 7: back and have to take notes, if you were a
• 27:24
  Speaker 7: Tanya back then, what notes would you have made from
• 27:26
  Speaker 7: the early points in your relationships? Like everyone that writes in,
• 27:29
  Speaker 7: I love the pod and thank you for the joy
• 27:31
  Speaker 7: you bring.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: You have the notes. Yeah, that's so good. I's been
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: to ask you to pull it up. I am trying
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: to think of I took. I didn't really take notes
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: on Haley specifically because we met and then.
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: Started dating, like just it was very quick.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: But I do remember because we're so different, we have
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: so many differences that I did. I would we would
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: both take notes of things that we had in common.
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: And the one I remember.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: Specific when we discovered we loved Mary Kate Nashley movies,
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: and that was one of our things that we both
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: loved and so we had I can see if I
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: still have that note somewhere. But we just took notes
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: of little things like that. But I didn't take notes
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: about her as a person. Like remember when Ross did
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: that to Rachel and he said and then he say,
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: like he said something mean, But you remember they started dating,
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: was it though? He said something about her ankles?
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, and she was like got self conscious about it.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: When I look back on my notes, it's like so
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: silly because it's just like total stuff that is so
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: that just is like who they are. So I obviously
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: put a note of like the day that we met.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: I took a note of his birthday. I took note
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: of his parents' names, and then I put I put
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: his mom's name and then how to like say it
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: right next to it?
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: Do you know what I mean?
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: Like mitra?
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: And then I put m eetra. Oh God, make sure
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: I pronounced it right. The name of his nephew, his
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: first car, the size of his shoes, what kind of
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: attorney he is, what kind of his size jeans, his
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: favorite restaurant in the country.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: And then it's this place called Jocomo's, New Orleans. It's
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: in New Orleans. I try to get foods flown in
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: from there for like I don't remember. I think, like
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: a Valentine's Day at one point, but I don't even
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: know if it's still there. I wrote down his kids' names,
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: what kind of candy they like, their favorite movies, their birthdays.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: I ranked his love languages, so I knew his one
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: to five.
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: What are his love languages? But he's still the same,
• 29:41
  Speaker 4: definitely not.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: But number one was physical touch, number two was acts
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: of service, three is quality time, four as words of
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: words of affirmation.
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: And five is gifts. Actually four and five are pretty
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: much the same.
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: Wow, his favorite movies, stuff about his health.
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: Which is so cultural level.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah literally yes, yes, yeah, his favorite type of apple,
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: his favorite vegetable.
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: And then I also put.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: The day that I said I love you, and then
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: I took track of every single one of our dates.
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: One through thirty nine.
• 30:18
  Speaker 5: Oh my god.
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: So I put like.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Date one, and then I would list off black Liquor Market,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: date two, Firefly before my New York Red Eye, date three, Patch,
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: date four, movie and slumber party.
• 30:30
  Speaker 4: Robbie brought orange wine. That's really cute.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so I have one through thirty Let's see what
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: thirty nine was passover and San's hands massage. What wow,
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: this is when I'd got into the pandemic. So I
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: feel like once we got into the pandemic, all the
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: dates kind of started being the same because they were
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: all just like at our house picnics. So I think
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: that's when I stopped. Look at date thirty three T
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: and B's Tasty Taco double date night with Becka and Hayley.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: Oh I just found I was. I found a video
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: of that the other day. So cute, so cute.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: Those are really all my notes that. That's really funny,
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: But I'm glad. I wish I would have taken notes
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: on all of our dates, like I wish I didn't stop.
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: But I feel like the pandemic kind of.
• 31:17
  Speaker 4: Yeah, halted things. Yeah, yeah, I never picked it back up,
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: which is sad.
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: I don't really have any I thought, I know I
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: have it somewhere, but I don't have them listed, I
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: mean labeled, so it's tough, tough.
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: To find tough.
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but yeah, I think that's such a cute it's
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: a cute idea. And I had a friend recently who
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: is in the dating world, and someone was asking she
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: was just started seeing this guy and she's likes him
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: or whatever, but she's like, oh, I don't want to
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: get too excited because like I feel like I get
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: my hopes up and then I'm disappointed. And I was like,
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: that's such a tedious balance because you don't what if
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: what if he is your guy and you don't let
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: yourself get excited about meeting this guy because you're scared
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: he's and be like the other ones. And I was
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: thinking about you that you I don't feel like you
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: do you feel like you had to.
• 32:06
  Speaker 4: Hold yourself back with Robbie. No, Yeah, because he was
• 32:09
  Speaker 4: the right one.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And I just feel like when it's the right one,
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: you're not gonna feel like freak flag fly.
• 32:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: I mean we had we had some help with the
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: text messages, yes, lad, but once he met you, yes,
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: you just let it all out.
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: So I think that's a good I think it's a
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: cute gesture to make to write notes if you remember,
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: even if it's like little details, yeah, orange wine.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and my little things like his favorite like green
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: juice from creation, like you know, just like random stupid stuff.
• 32:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's really cute to look back.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: And how much he likes like hearts of Palm. I'm like,
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: he still loves hearts of Palm. I love hearts of them.
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, everyone always, as always, thank you for
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: writing in We Love Dear Bonnie episodes. If you have
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: a Dear Bonnie question, concerned, just need advice on something,
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: you can either dms on Instagram at Scrubbing and Pot
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: or email us at scrubbing in at iHeartMedia dot com.
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: We love you so much, Love you have a wonderful weekend.
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: Bye,