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Why Narcissists Demand To See You In Person After You Breakup · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about why do narcissists always
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  want to see you in person after the breakup, after you break up
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  with them, after you just are done with the relationship.
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  They want to please, please, can we have this conversation in
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  person? Can we see me in person?
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist. Welcome to another episode of
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  The Narcissist Code. Boom welcome back folks welcome
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  back welcome back yes y'all always in person.
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  They want to see you in person all the time, especially during
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  this holiday season. You know, with the, with
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  Christmas holiday season, New Year's, especially during this
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  time period, they want to see you in person.
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  They want to just say, well, wait, can we, can I please just
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  see you one last time for some closure to see you one last time
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  face to face. Like it's too much to play this,
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  the this the real excuse right here.
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  It's too much to text. I would like to see you in
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  person. No, Yeah.
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  It ain't too much to text. It ain't too much to text.
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  You don't need to see me in person.
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  You, you saw me enough in person.
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  You see, when you saw me in person, you didn't appreciate
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  me. So hell no, you cannot see me in
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  person. Y'all.
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  Before we hop too deep in today's episode, y'all make sure
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  you check out my website right here, Mental illness.net for
• 1:30
  everything Lee Hammock, everything mental illness, all
• 1:33
  my coaching courses, support groups, everything is there at
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  mentalillness.net. But yeah, it just gets out of
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  mind, out of whack, out of mind out of every damn thing when
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  you're dealing with a narcissistic person on how they
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  handle these situations. Like especially if you break up
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  with them. If you are the one that ends the
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  relationship, like the relationship ends on your terms,
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  like your turn. Like, yeah, the relationship
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  ends on your terms and conditions.
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  That narcissistic person does not like that, right?
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  They do not like when the relationship ends with you in
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  control. They damn near, yeah, they damn
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  near hate it. They damn near hate when the the
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  situation ends under your control.
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  So what a lot of narcissists and talks to people do, what a lot
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  of them do is they lose their damn minds and start blowing you
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  up. This is when the hoovering
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  starts, right? Especially if you watch my video
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  earlier today about, I think it was yesterday, no contact with a
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  narcissist. You know, during the holiday
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  season, this is the main time they start blowing your damn
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  phone up, trying to Hoover you back into their lives or trying
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  to sneak back into your life in some way, shape or form.
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  And a lot of times they do it by doing this little sneaky ass
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  stuff right here, like what I'm talking about right now.
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  They'll do this little sneaky ass stuff or they'll be
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  extremely manipulative and just try to just like, well, that's
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  what blowing your phone up, texting you, calling you.
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  Sometimes they'll pop up like if they look, yeah, if they know
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  your schedule, they'll pop up where you going, where you going
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  to be at? If they know your gym, if they
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  know this place, the your gym, your favorite restaurant, your
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  favorite bar, your favorite kombucha place, your favorite
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  little vape shop, whatever it is, right?
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  They'll pop up on you being under the guise of I just want
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  to see you in like, I just, I just had a lot to say and I
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  like, I just, I just feel like it's too much to text.
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  Yeah, if they cannot, if they were not respecting your
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  boundaries when the relationship ended, when you decided to end
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  it, why in the hell would they respect it now?
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  I have to ask that question right there.
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  If they could not respect your boundaries, why y'all were
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  together? What makes you think they're
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  going to respect your boundaries now that you're apart?
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  Now that the relationship has has went in a completely
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  different direction, why would you think they're going to
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  respect your boundaries now? You see what I'm saying?
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  Because the one of the main boundary violations is popping
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  up on you. That's a huge boundary
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  violation. They keep saying if they keep
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  telling you that they're going to change, like I'm going to
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  change, I promise you I'll change.
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  I promise you things won't be the same.
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  I won't do this anymore. I won't do that.
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  I won't do this. And then they pop up on you.
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  That's not them changing, that's not them changing.
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  Y'all they think, and This is why a lot of narcissistic people
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  think that them showing up and being places that you're going
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  to be, them showing your face is going to literally be like, it's
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  them showing you love. It's like I'm going to show you
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  how much I love you by doing this, by saying it, by by
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  popping up on you. This only only I if I didn't
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  love you, I wouldn't pop up on you.
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  But if they can't pop up on you, this is when they'll start
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  begging to see you face to face, right?
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  They cannot just come pop up on you face.
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  Can't, can't pop up on you to get that face to face.
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  They'll, they'll beg you, they'll text you, they'll call
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  you, they'll ask your mom, your dad.
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  They'll get desperate and start to asking your, your dog Walker,
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  whoever it is in that situation. They'll start asking people to,
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  to set up a meeting because they want to see you face to face and
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  yet, well, leave. Why though?
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  Because they want you to see the emotions they want you to see.
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  They want to see how much it that you how much they're hurt.
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  They want you to see how much they are hurting.
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  They are, they are hurting because the relationship is over
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  and they want you to see how much they're hurting.
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  So the only way they can show you that they can't express it
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  through text or emails, right? So they have to see you face to
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  face. We can't FaceTime right?
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  Face no FaceTime is not enough is I know it's FaceTime was face
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  actually face to face. But I'm about in person.
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  I need to see you in person to tell you this, to show you this.
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  I have something for you. They want you to see the
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  emotions. They think, look, they think
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  they could be more manipulative in person than they can outside
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  than they can on the phone. So they want us to get you to a
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  face to face meeting because that's how they get you.
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  That's how they want to trap you one last time.
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  They want to suck you back into it one last time.
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  Yo, some of them. Yo, can some of them start
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  crying? Yeah, some of them will
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  absolutely be able to start crying damn near on cue, like
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  they Matthew McConaughey in Interstellar seeing his daughter
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  growing up. You know, you know what I mean?
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  Hey, Dad, you son of a bitch. He's.
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  Yeah. That's one of the greatest
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  scenes ever right there. That's one of the greatest
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  scenes ever. It is not as the best movie of
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  all time. It just is.
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  But this is the, this is the mindset, y'all.
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  I'm just say, I say that to say this, this is how many people
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  are falling to these situations. Like they're going to be abusive
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  to you, they're going to be manipulative, manipulative to
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  you. This is a narcissistic person,
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  y'all. This is your, your ex, your
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  partner, whoever it is, they're, they want to see you face to
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  face and show you how much they're hurting, to show you too
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  much the pain. Like I can be more manipulative
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  in person. I can touch you.
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  They don't want to ask to touch you.
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  It's OK. But they never respected your
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  boundaries before. Right now they're going to be
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  asking to touch you because it's OK if I touch you.
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  It's OK if I hug you, it's OK if I kiss you.
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  It's OK if I Is it OK if I clap them cheeks one last time?
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  Yo, they this, this is this is the part right here where they
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  can really start to get manipulative, right?
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  Because they'll start begging you and pleading you
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  foreclosure. I just want some closure.
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  I want to see you face to face for one last closure.
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  If you act like this is the part where they start getting very
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  manipulative. If you ever cared about me at
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  all at all ever, you'll see me face to face to give me some
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  closure. If a narcissistic person is
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  asking you foreclosure, they do not want to close the
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  relationship up. They want to open it.
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  If anything, they want to open it up more.
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  They want to take. They want more opportunities to
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  come back into your life. They want more opportunities to
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  try to manipulate you. They want more, they don't want
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  less, they want more. They want more opportunities to
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  come into your space, to violate you and to do all this damn near
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  evil stuff. So you they want more, not less.
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  So they will keep doing more, not less.
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  And this is something like, I know a lot of people don't want
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  to hear this, but this is something you have to come to
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  grips with when you're dealing with an abusive person.
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  They always want more. They always putting their needs
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  ahead of yours. When have they ever put your
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  needs ahead of what? Have they ever put your needs
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  ahead of their ahead of their own?
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  Very rarely, if ever will that happen.
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  Very rarely, if ever are they going to put your needs ahead of
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  their own? I need to see you.
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  I'm hurting, I'm in pain. I deserve closure.
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  If you, you never cared about me.
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  I, I deserve this. I, I feel like we both deserve
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  this. We both made mistakes.
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  I know I might have done some wrong stuff, but you are not
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  perfect either. It's like you're running around
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  acting like you're perfect but you're not.
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  And I'm not perfect either. But at least I'm trying, damn
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  it. At least I'm trying.
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  At least I'm trying this. I know it sounds.
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  I know it sounds stupid. Yeah.
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  This is literally the mindset of a lot of abusive people.
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  That really is. That's how it goes.
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  Like I tell so many people in these places like this is who
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  you're going to be dealing with. Like, they don't want closure.
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  They want to open it up. They want another opportunity to
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  manipulate you. They want to see you face to
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  face so they can try to love bomb you in close proximity.
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  They want to love bomb you in close proximity.
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  And some of them, yeah, sometimes they don't even want
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  to love by you. Sometimes they want to be
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  hurtful to you. They want to be.
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  They want to hurt your feelings one last time.
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  They want to hurt you. So, yeah.
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  And This is why I don't like if you break up with them, you're
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  no contact and they're begging you for a face to face meeting.
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  Y'all, there have been times where people have granted these
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  face to face meetings and they end up losing their life.
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  They can be. Is that?
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  Yeah, they can be. They can want one last face to
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  face meeting to crash out right. They can absolutely try to crash
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  out on you and if y'all don't know what crash out means, it
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  means they can try to go ahead and UN alive.
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  You take your life and then maybe maybe sometimes take their
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  own look. Sometimes because like this is
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  the place, this is the space and they, if they're using this type
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  of language right here, they're saying something like.
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  I can't live without you. I don't know how I'm going to
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  live without you. I don't know how I'm going to
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  make it without you. I don't.
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  I'm going to try but I don't know how I'm.
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  Going to do it y'all Don't go see them.
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  If they're talking about they can't live without you or they
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  don't want to be here anymore, don't go see them.
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  Do a Wellness check, do something else.
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  Call the unaliving hotline, the self unaliving hotline.
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  Do not take your ass to go see them.
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  It doesn't make you a bad person to not go see somebody that's
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  threatening to harm themselves, especially if they if they if
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  it's somebody who's been treating you horribly over a
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  damn breakup, do not take your ass over there.
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  I know it's Christmas. I know it's the Christmas
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  season. I know this.
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  I know what's going on. Do not take your happy ass over
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  there to see that person. Do not take your compassionate,
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  empathetic ass over there to see that person.
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  I'm going to analyze myself. If I don't see you, call the
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  damn police. Call this on the live in
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  hotline. Call somebody.
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  Do not go over to think about this y'all.
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  Because on this off chance, the very minute chance to me, most
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  of most times this is just emotional manipulation.
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  On the off chance that they are going to self harm, do you think
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  that they will leave you behind? Ask yourself that question right
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  there. If they're going to harm
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  themselves, do you think that they will leave you behind?
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  Do you think they're going to just leave you be?
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  You think they're going to just do you think you will you will
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  go unscathed? Do you think they're calling you
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  over there to harm themselves and just to leave you there
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  Willy nilly? Very rarely is that going to be
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  an occasion right there, an occurrence.
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  They're going to call you over there to give them another
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  target to harm. Do not take your happy,
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  empathetic ass over there. But I just feel like a bad
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  person. You're going to feel like an
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  alive person. You're not going to feel
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  anything. If you have kids, you have a
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  family, they're going to miss you because you want to go save
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  somebody. Call to UN alive and hotline.
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  You're not a hostage negotiator. You're not even if you are
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  trained and negotiated and people talk, talk to people off
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  the ledge. Don't do it.
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  This. You're too close to the
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  situation. Hell no.
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  Sometimes they want a face to face meeting to put you under,
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  to harm you one last time, to take you out of here.
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  That's the dark part of it. That's the dark part of the face
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  to face meetings, right. It's not all it's not all this
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  this sleep together one more time.
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  You owe me this. You owe me one last chance.
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  They don't want to close it up because if the if they some of
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  them, it's their last resort. Some of them was absolutely.
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  They might start being nice to you in the last face to face
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  meeting. But then sometimes if it doesn't
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  go the way they wanted to go, they might try to hurt you.
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  They might try to be mean to you.
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  You know what I'm saying? They're not thinking about you.
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  This is not about you. This is typically about them.
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  They want something that happened to them.
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  They want something for themselves.
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  They want something for them. It's all about them.
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  We both deserve some closure. You're not going to go.
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  I know you might want some closure.
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  Let the let let their disrespect, let their bad
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  treatment. Let their just that the horrible
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  way, the horrible way that they were to you.
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  Let that be the the closure that you need, that you keep thinking
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  about it. Let their lying be the closure.
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  Let their continuous, continuous need to put themselves first.
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  Let that be your closure. You don't need it from them.
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  This is absolutely not something that you need from them.
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  Hell no, you do not. I know people.
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  I believe it's just one of them ended on a good note.
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  And I I wouldn't. Maybe we can be friends later.
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  No, you don't. Yeah.
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  Why? Why do you want to be friends?
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  Like, think about this right here, y'all.
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  I'm not trying to be mean. Why would you want to be
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  friends? What's your abusive, cheating,
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  lying, manipulative X? Why?
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  If they were a horrible partner, they'll probably be a horrible
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  friend. And I don't care if they were
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  your friend before y'all started dating or took it to the next
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  level, they will be horrible again because now you see them
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  whatever you see their true colors.
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  Now you see their true colors. And it's not a it's not a color
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  palette that you like, is it? It's not your, it's not a
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  favorable color palette. You don't it don't blend well,
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  does it? You know what I mean?
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  But this is the stuff you have to think of.
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  They don't want y'all, no good intent.
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  I want to see you face to face to give you your last things
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  that you left at my house. No, leave them.
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  Like ship them to mail them to me.
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  Leave them at the post office, bring them to the Police
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  Department and drop them off. You see what I'm saying?
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  Donate them, whatever it is. Let me my, my brother or sister
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  come get them. Leave them outside on the porch.
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  I'll come get them. Leave them on the curb.
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  I'll come get them now. I wanted one last face to face
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  needing to give you your stuff. You don't have to see somebody
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  face to face to give them their stuff.
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  Put it to get for them to give you your stuff.
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  You don't absolutely have not game talk out.
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  Absolutely do not have to see them.
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  Maybe with y'all. Let me cut this thing short.
• 14:06
  I appreciate every every single one of y'all ride only to this
• 14:08
  end. Y'all we closing up this year.
• 14:11
  The new podcast is about to launch pretty soon.
• 14:13
  The mental illness podcast is about to launch pretty soon.
• 14:16
  Y'all I'm so excited about it. We're going to be talking about
• 14:19
  all things mental health. So right here subscribe.
• 14:21
  What are you doing? My dog is in here.
• 14:24
  Y'all subscribe to the channel if you haven't already, you know
• 14:28
  what I mean, so you don't miss out on anything.
• 14:30
  I appreciate every single one of y'all.
• 14:31
  I'm super grateful for you y'all this is.
• 14:32
  This has been an amazing year. Y'all have a Merry Merry
• 14:35
  Christmas and a Happy New year. Hopefully your narcissistic
• 14:37
  partner hasn't ruined your day so far.
• 14:39
  If they have, the day's not over yet.
• 14:41
  Get your ass up, go have some fun, enjoy your family, enjoy
• 14:43
  your friends, enjoy your life y'all.
• 14:45
  Anyway, y'all the healers out. Peace.
• 14:47
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 14:49
  I am extremely grateful for you. Have no idea.
• 14:52
  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 14:54
  to the channel. Helps reach more people and
• 14:56
  click on the screen to watch another video or to browse to
• 14:58
  another playlist. There's also a link on the
• 15:00
  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
• 15:03
  you heal and understand what you've been through.
• 15:05
  Thank you so much again, I will see you in the next video.