Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Parenting on the Private School Path: An Insider’s Look | Ep. 135

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Parenting on the Private School Path: An Insider’s Look | Ep. 135 · The Parenting Podcast

• 0:06
  As the school year begins, the world behind private school gates offers a distinct parenting experience.
• 0:14
  Today, on the Parenting Podcast, we're not here to talk about tuition or class size, curriculum or ACT scores.
• 0:24
  Instead, we're stepping into the everyday realities of parenting.
• 0:30
  Within this rather exclusive environment, what does it take to raise a child in a world often filled with the high expectations and unique pressures of private schools?
• 0:44
  We'll hear from a parent who navigated this path daily.
• 0:48
  I'm Cheryl Lang, your host, and we're in the midst of a mini series focused not on choosing an educational route, but on what it's like to parent within that choice.
• 1:02
  We're diving into real life experiences of nurturing, guiding, and sometimes pushing against the tide in a world that promises so much.
• 1:12
  This isn't about the choice itself, but about how it shapes your parenting journey.
• 1:18
  So, get comfortable.
• 1:20
  And join us in this candid conversation about parenting on the private school path.
• 1:34
  Ellen: I had such a weird morning, I don't know, sometimes my brain is in a different room than my body I feel your pain.
• 1:46
  Ellen: So my husband was getting ready to head out to the office and he had an important check that he had to bring for the person that works for
• 1:54
  Christie: him.
• 1:54
  Ellen: And so he left it out, and he left, and I came out from the bedroom, and I'm like, la la la.
• 2:02
  Ellen: And then I look on the counter, and I go, oh no, the whole reason that he had to be there at a certain time was to give his bookkeeper her check.
• 2:10
  Ellen: Oh dear, I better call him rather than text him, because I know he's on the road.
• 2:15
  Ellen: So I call him, and then he walks around the corner, and he looks at me and goes, why are you calling me Right there in the house, that's funny.
• 2:24
  Ellen: Sorry, I I
• 2:27
  Cheryl: did a similar thing with my daughter, um, because I thought she had left.
• 2:32
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 2:33
  Cheryl: and going back home or wherever she was going.
• 2:35
  Cheryl: And I, I'm like, oh wait.
• 2:37
  Cheryl: I need to tell her something, so I started texting her, and then she walked out of the bathroom.
• 2:42
  Cheryl: Oh, gosh.
• 2:42
  Cheryl: She was, Mom, I'm just in the bathroom.
• 2:44
  Cheryl: I was just there.
• 2:45
  Cheryl: Couldn't you have waited?
• 2:46
  Cheryl: Why are you texting me?
• 2:48
  Cheryl: And
• 2:48
  Ellen: then we wonder why people sometimes think we're getting a little senile.
• 2:52
  Christie: Well, I have looked for my phone while I was talking on my phone.
• 2:55
  Christie: Yes.
• 2:56
  Christie: Yeah.
• 2:56
  Christie: It's like glasses on
• 2:57
  Cheryl: top of your head.
• 2:58
  Cheryl: Right, yeah.
• 2:59
  Cheryl: It's now the same problem.
• 3:00
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 3:00
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 3:01
  Cheryl: It really is true.
• 3:01
  Cheryl: But I will tell you, I'm thankful for Alexa, because I live by myself.
• 3:07
  Cheryl: It's finding my phone.
• 3:08
  Cheryl: And I just can't find it.
• 3:11
  Cheryl: Um, so I can't say, Hey honey, would you call my phone?
• 3:13
  Cheryl: Yeah, that's true.
• 3:15
  Cheryl: I, I don't call Alexa, honey.
• 3:18
  Cheryl: But I will I do say, Hey Alexa would you call my phone And, in fact, I don't respond to its questions because it's a computer
• 3:27
  Christie: Just ignore that.
• 3:28
  Christie: And I give credits.
• 3:28
  Christie: That's funny.
• 3:29
  Christie: I'm the worst.
• 3:30
  Christie: I actually say please and thank you.
• 3:32
  Christie: I have stopped myself.
• 3:33
  Christie: I've apologized to the Google Home before.
• 3:36
  Christie: I'm like, oh, sorry.
• 3:37
  Leslie: I'm sure that.
• 3:39
  Leslie: And she responds back.
• 3:39
  Leslie: Right.
• 3:41
  Leslie: No problem.
• 3:42
  Cheryl: Okay, so this crazy bunch has gotten a little better today our friend Leslie Whittington is joining us in here in the studio today.
• 3:51
  Cheryl: Welcome Leslie.
• 3:52
  Cheryl: Thank you.
• 3:53
  Cheryl: Thank you.
• 3:54
  Cheryl: We're so glad you're here.
• 3:55
  Cheryl: And you can see, this is a crazy group Yes.
• 3:58
  other: So, thank you for bringing some sanity to
• 4:01
  Cheryl: us.
• 4:02
  Cheryl: So the reason Leslie's in here I'll remind you listeners, we're doing a little mini series here for our kickoff, to go back to school.
• 4:10
  Cheryl: And so we're not going to talk about should you homeschool or should you private school or all the reasons you should public school.
• 4:19
  Cheryl: Instead, we're going to focus on what is it like to parent And so we're really excited to have Leslie because she's going to talk about what it's like to be a parent when you have children that in private school.
• 4:37
  Cheryl: And so, Leslie, we want to hear from your experience as the parent yourself and with your children and what you walk through and all of that.
• 4:47
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 4:48
  Cheryl: I will do my best.
• 4:49
  Cheryl: Oh, of course.
• 4:50
  Cheryl: It'll be great.
• 4:52
  Cheryl: In 30 seconds
• 4:53
  Ellen: or less.
• 4:53
  Ellen: That's
• 4:54
  Christie: 30
• 4:55
  Ellen: minutes or less.
• 4:57
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 4:57
  Cheryl: So give our audience a little bit of background about who you
• 5:00
  Leslie: are, your family.
• 5:01
  Leslie: Okay.
• 5:02
  Leslie: So, um, I've got two children and they were.
• 5:05
  Leslie: Just 17 months apart.
• 5:06
  Leslie: So back to back, all the decisions we had to make all the same time.
• 5:10
  Leslie: Right.
• 5:11
  Leslie: Um, we started actually in a public school when our son was in kindergarten and then, soon transitioned to a private school.
• 5:19
  Leslie: And so that's all our kids knew.
• 5:21
  Leslie: Um, I'm also a teacher and so I wasn't teaching at the time when my kids were.
• 5:26
  Leslie: First in school, but I eventually started teaching and for us it made it affordable to go to private school while I was teaching there.
• 5:34
  Leslie: My husband and I have been married over 30 years now.
• 5:37
  Leslie: I don't keep track of the specific Over 30,
• 5:40
  Cheryl: that's all I know.
• 5:41
  Cheryl: Over 30 is its own category.
• 5:42
  Cheryl: Absolutely, yes.
• 5:43
  Cheryl: Both your kids are in their 20s, right?
• 5:46
  Cheryl: Yes, 24 and 25.
• 5:48
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 5:49
  Cheryl: Oh, they're getting their prefrontal cortex.
• 5:50
  Cheryl: They are.
• 5:51
  Cheryl: Finally, we made it.
• 5:52
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 5:54
  Cheryl: Well done, mom.
• 5:54
  Leslie: Thank you.
• 5:55
  Leslie: We survived.
• 5:57
  Ellen: That's great.
• 5:57
  Ellen: Well, you mean they survived.
• 5:58
  Ellen: They survived.
• 5:59
  Cheryl: I survived as well.
• 6:00
  Cheryl: That's true.
• 6:01
  Cheryl: We're still waiting.
• 6:03
  Christie: So 17 months apart, that's very close.
• 6:06
  Christie: And I can totally believe you when you say making all the decisions at once.
• 6:12
  Christie: Yeah, it's true.
• 6:12
  Christie: Because it's almost like having twins.
• 6:14
  Christie: Yeah.
• 6:15
  Christie: Yes.
• 6:16
  Christie: So we're in the back to school month, what was this like for you 10 years ago or 15 years ago when you had kids still in private school what was the season like?
• 6:25
  Christie: Um,
• 6:26
  Leslie: a lot of, let's start waking up earlier, let's start in those morning transitions of, okay, let's kind of have a little more structure in our days than we did in the summer.
• 6:37
  Leslie: True.
• 6:37
  Leslie: Um, school clothes, back to school.
• 6:40
  Leslie: supplies You know, my son, who didn't care as much about the supplies, and my daughter, who had to be very specific.
• 6:46
  Leslie: Yeah, yeah.
• 6:47
  Leslie: So, different experiences, depending on the child, So,
• 6:49
  Cheryl: For your family was it, just an easy transition, or was it hard for them to get back into school?
• 6:58
  Leslie: I would say for the most part they looked forward to it.
• 7:01
  Leslie: Okay.
• 7:01
  Leslie: As they got older they were a little, you know, I've got to do all the work, but.
• 7:05
  Leslie: Right.
• 7:05
  Leslie: Yeah.
• 7:06
  Leslie: But they were always very excited to see their friends, that was the most important part.
• 7:10
  Leslie: Yeah.
• 7:10
  Leslie: Of course.
• 7:11
  Leslie: Of course.
• 7:12
  Leslie: Going back to see their friends.
• 7:13
  Leslie: That's the only reason you go to school.
• 7:15
  Leslie: Right.
• 7:15
  Leslie: To see your friends.
• 7:17
  Leslie: And being at a school where they knew everyone and there weren't a lot of, there were maybe a few new people, but they already knew everyone going in and going into middle school and high school.
• 7:28
  Christie: So one thing unique to private school different than public school is that With public school, typically you lived near all of your friends in the same area.
• 7:37
  Christie: Oh, yeah.
• 7:38
  Christie: Was that different, navigating friendships and things outside of school?
• 7:42
  Leslie: Yes, it was.
• 7:44
  Leslie: Um, in fact, they had a lot of times their friends here and their friends there.
• 7:49
  Leslie: Yeah.
• 7:49
  Leslie: Like neighborhood friends versus
• 7:51
  Christie: school
• 7:52
  Leslie: friends Yeah.
• 7:53
  Leslie: Yeah, for sure.
• 7:54
  Cheryl: So as a parent, did you have to step into that?
• 7:58
  Cheryl: Navigate that for your kids?
• 8:00
  Cheryl: That they had sort of like, a little bit like adults where you have work life.
• 8:05
  Cheryl: Right.
• 8:05
  Cheryl: And then you have home life.
• 8:07
  Cheryl: or community life.
• 8:09
  Cheryl: So a little bit with your children, they had a community in their private school, and then they had a community outside.
• 8:16
  Cheryl: So as a parent, how did you kind of skate through that?
• 8:18
  Cheryl: Did your kids do it seamlessly?
• 8:20
  Cheryl: Or how did you work on that?
• 8:22
  Leslie: I think we just navigated it as it came., They did do well, I would say.
• 8:28
  Leslie: They, they did They recognized there were this group and then this group, and they, they noticed the differences, um, whatever the differences those were, but Yeah, they navigated that pretty well.
• 8:38
  Leslie: I don't feel like I had to step in.
• 8:39
  Christie: It probably gave them a little bit More of a diverse friend experience.
• 8:43
  Christie: Yeah, I would think
• 8:45
  Cheryl: So I had never thought about that before that actually kind of prepared them For more of what the rest of life is really gonna be like
• 8:51
  Leslie: yes And and I would say so one of the reasons we I decided to do private school was for the size.
• 8:58
  Leslie: I grew up in a rural school district and I liked the small town feel.
• 9:03
  Leslie: And so that's kind of what I was looking for.
• 9:05
  Leslie: But I would say that one of the things that I didn't, expect going into it, was there is this smaller group, but it's not as diverse as you would expect because it's in a larger area Right.
• 9:18
  Leslie: Right.
• 9:19
  Leslie: So you've got more of a consolidation of of kids and parents and that's kind of where time, it was hard because, going into school where you know, it was a drop in the bucket for a lot of families to pay for this private school.
• 9:36
  Leslie: Um, with us, it was a little harder.
• 9:39
  Leslie: it was definitely a sacrifice for us to do that.
• 9:42
  Leslie: And so there were times I had to check my own stuff and say, I don't have to keep up with the Joneses.
• 9:48
  Leslie: Yeah.
• 9:49
  Leslie: That's a good point.
• 9:49
  Leslie: And for my kids as well.
• 9:51
  Leslie: not having to, you know, Have the best and the most and do everything
• 9:55
  Christie: right
• 9:56
  Leslie: the latest and the greatest, right?
• 9:58
  Leslie: Yeah, because yeah, I
• 9:59
  Christie: mean I think kind of the well known thing about private schools is that the children are there by choice and that the parents are, intentionally choosing and funding this environment for their child.
• 10:10
  Christie: So that's a different family dynamic, different, um, economic dynamic than your local public school.
• 10:18
  Christie: So that would be hard to navigate, within.
• 10:22
  Leslie: but it is tricky,
• 10:23
  Ellen: sometimes the financial disparity is hard.
• 10:26
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 10:27
  Ellen: Because when you go to private school, you know that there's going to be a certain amount of money that you have to pay, plus all the extra stuff.
• 10:34
  Ellen: And then you as a family have to decide how much of this extra stuff can we do and afford that maybe their peer group's doing and we're happy to have our kids there, but we cannot do all the extras that some of the kids do.
• 10:47
  Christie: And I think all parents, all families want to instill gratitude and, and contentment in their children.
• 10:54
  Christie: Um, maybe in this environment you have to be a little more intentional with that.
• 10:57
  Cheryl: I know you're adult children.
• 10:59
  Cheryl: I don't see them as entitled, and that's a little bit of a concern is what we're talking about, a little bit of entitlement and exclusivity that just typically comes with expensive private schools.
• 11:13
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 11:14
  Christie: And I think all private school parents, want to fight for this.
• 11:17
  Christie: Absolutely.
• 11:17
  Christie: So I think having this conversation would be an encouragement.
• 11:20
  Cheryl: so are there some ways either that you learned from others or how did you guide your kids through that?
• 11:26
  Leslie: Well, I think a lot of it had to do with our own backgrounds and reminding our kids, you know, this isn't, like, we didn't get this opportunity, this is an opportunity.
• 11:35
  Leslie: And as well as just our own.
• 11:39
  Leslie: Personal values.
• 11:41
  Leslie: I think sometimes when you go into a private school, you think everyone's going to be the same and sometimes they are, but sometimes they're not.
• 11:47
  Leslie: And so,
• 11:48
  Christie: so not making assumptions,
• 11:49
  Leslie: not making assumptions.
• 11:51
  Leslie: And, um, then it seemed like their other group of friends over here were, different, and they recognized that they didn't have the financial advantages.
• 12:01
  Leslie: And so in one circle, they were kind of the low feeling, socioeconomic, and on the other end, they were higher.
• 12:09
  Leslie: And so, yeah, they kind of experienced both in different situations, um, which kept them really balanced.
• 12:15
  Leslie: Yeah.
• 12:16
  Leslie: Yeah.
• 12:16
  Leslie: Yeah.
• 12:16
  Leslie: Yeah.
• 12:16
  Leslie: Yeah.
• 12:16
  Leslie: Yeah.
• 12:17
  Leslie: That's what helped because we were very involved in what they did and they were very involved in school, but we were also involved in other things.
• 12:25
  Leslie: So I think that.
• 12:25
  Leslie: So it almost kind of
• 12:27
  Christie: became a non issue in some ways because there was such a broad range in their different environments.
• 12:32
  Christie: I think so.
• 12:33
  Leslie: Yeah.
• 12:34
  Leslie: Um, it was all perspective.
• 12:35
  Leslie: And so I feel like they had a good perspective because they were able to experience both places in groups.
• 12:42
  Christie: Well, and I would say they, they had a good experience too because of you explicitly having those conversations.
• 12:48
  Christie: I mean, for you to acknowledge the elephant in the room and help them find language and, and have, an awareness.
• 12:55
  Christie: that they could talk to you about how to navigate that.
• 12:57
  Christie: That communication is important.
• 12:59
  Christie: Yeah,
• 12:59
  Leslie: we talked about everything.
• 13:00
  Leslie: Like, I didn't leave things off.
• 13:02
  Leslie: That's good.
• 13:02
  Leslie: I mean, we talked about everything.
• 13:03
  Leslie: Right.
• 13:04
  Leslie: We still do to some point, but they're adults now, but as growing up, we wanted them to be able to talk about the things, and I will tell you that I felt like the time that.
• 13:14
  Leslie: Where I felt, oh, we've been doing all right here, is my daughter was in high school and something was said and she said, Mom, not everyone at school is like us.
• 13:23
  Leslie: Aww.
• 13:24
  Leslie: And she was
• 13:24
  Christie: referring to the relationship that you have with, with your kids.
• 13:28
  Christie: That's so good.
• 13:29
  Leslie: Being able to talk
• 13:30
  Christie: about the,
• 13:30
  Leslie: everything.
• 13:32
  Cheryl: Navigating all this, because a lot of the season you were a working mom as well.
• 13:37
  Cheryl: Yes Because Very clearly you had a good relationship with your kids and you invested well in the conversations and keeping that bridge open.
• 13:46
  Cheryl: What are some ways that you did it, either early morning send off or coming back?
• 13:51
  Cheryl: So what are some of the ideas you had that helped you keep that relationship so you have this kind of conversation time?
• 14:00
  Leslie: definitely car time was huge, having those conversations in the cars and my kids were of the age where, uh, it was about middle school age when iPhones started being a thing.
• 14:11
  Leslie: And so we didn't have any of that before that.
• 14:13
  Leslie: so that was nice.
• 14:14
  Leslie: They weren't on their phones.
• 14:15
  Leslie: They were having to either.
• 14:17
  Leslie: Not saying yeah, or answer my question right there out the window.
• 14:23
  Leslie: And and I am known for asking a lot of questions.
• 14:28
  Leslie: Which I'm sure that at times they were like stop asking so many questions, but I look back I'm glad I did because of course you have to I mean, that's how you get answers from kids and the right questions
• 14:38
  Cheryl: Okay, so give us examples because we always want to hear and our listeners always want to know You What are some of the tools you use to keep that conversation flow going?
• 14:50
  Leslie: Just talking about their friends, like I'm talking a lot about noticing other people in school.
• 14:55
  Leslie: Do you notice if there's anyone that sits by themselves?
• 14:58
  Leslie: How do you think they feel?
• 14:59
  Leslie: You know, really trying to not focus in on who's doing the best but just, who else do you notice?
• 15:08
  Leslie: The other thing I will say is but encouraging or allowing space for my husband to be involved.
• 15:15
  Leslie: so while I was a teacher, I did work at the school they were at for a while and, in order for me to get my class ready and stuff, he was able to take them to school.
• 15:23
  Leslie: So he would take them to school in the morning.
• 15:25
  Leslie: He got that time.
• 15:26
  Leslie: Yeah.
• 15:26
  Leslie: we would always pray for them, before, school and with them and what are your concerns or anything like that.
• 15:32
  Leslie: But he would also say, look for someone to include today like he would kind of give them a challenge every day Which he's really good at Yeah, yeah,
• 15:43
  Cheryl: I love that idea of giving them a challenge and see this kind of answers that exclusivity That a private school family has to fight upstream right to get out of this is helpful
• 15:59
  Christie: Well, not Only that it was a private school environment, but a smaller environment, which we all know from experience can tend to be cliquish, and I love that you were putting, um, words and giving them invitations into action in how to be counter cultural in their settings, and, yeah, just Imparting your values that you wanted them to live out on, giving them ways to do that.
• 16:24
  Christie: That's really good.
• 16:25
  Christie: Yeah,
• 16:25
  Leslie: I think, hopefully,
• 16:27
  Christie: yeah, no, I know that they do.
• 16:29
  Christie: I mean, that, that's the thing.
• 16:30
  Christie: I think even before we had become friends, drawn to you and, and Seeing you and Pearson's connection with your kids, I really respect the investment and just in what you're sharing, I'm hearing you say that you look for ways to maximize the time that you were together and really let your kids know that you see them and entered into their world and their conversations.
• 16:52
  Christie: Thank you.
• 16:53
  Cheryl: Because one of the things when you're in any kind of smaller environment, Yes.
• 16:57
  Cheryl: Is there's not a lot of place to hide.
• 16:59
  Cheryl: Right.
• 16:59
  Cheryl: So I love that you're, intentionally saying, remember, look for the ones who are hiding or who aren't in the In the center, because if you've got 3, 000 people in your school, you can find a different group.
• 17:14
  Leslie: So, But knowing my two different kids and their two different personalities, they had two different experiences.
• 17:21
  Leslie: And so where one of them really found a small, tight knit community, the other kind of languished a little bit and had a little bit harder time.
• 17:31
  Leslie: And at times I thought, maybe if we would have chosen this, they would have been able to find a little bit more.
• 17:37
  Leslie: But and I've said this before, knowing that we're making a choice based on what we know right now.
• 17:42
  Leslie: Yeah, exactly.
• 17:43
  Leslie: And that's the best choice, you know, in their journey, they're going to learn whatever they're going to learn from it.
• 17:48
  Leslie: Yep.
• 17:48
  Leslie: And we're here to guide.
• 17:49
  Leslie: Yeah.
• 17:50
  Cheryl: Well, that's what we present In this miniseries, but always here.
• 17:53
  Cheryl: You know.
• 17:54
  Cheryl: We're not doing the parenting podcast because we made all the right decisions.
• 17:59
  Cheryl: We are saying the reality is you're doing the best with what you know to do right now Right.
• 18:06
  Cheryl: Absolutely.
• 18:06
  Cheryl: And that's what you have to just trust and trust the process.
• 18:11
  Leslie: And I found it was a lot of my own expectations I had to change or to redefine a little bit.
• 18:17
  Leslie: Okay.
• 18:17
  Leslie: So talk about those.
• 18:18
  Leslie: What
• 18:18
  Cheryl: were some of your expectations you came into the situation with as their parent in this smaller private school.
• 18:25
  Cheryl: What were your expectations?
• 18:26
  Cheryl: I
• 18:27
  Leslie: expected everyone to welcome each other the way I Yeah.
• 18:32
  Leslie: The way you were.
• 18:33
  Leslie: The way they knew how to.
• 18:34
  Leslie: Yeah, uh huh.
• 18:35
  Leslie: And they didn't always.
• 18:36
  Leslie: And there was still, you know, there was Relationships are hard and kids growing up and kids are so cliquish with it, whatever school they go to.
• 18:44
  Leslie: We forget humans are going to be humans.
• 18:46
  Leslie: Absolutely.
• 18:47
  Leslie: Humans are humans.
• 18:47
  Leslie: And I remember telling my daughter, like, just because it seems like this person's this way, doesn't mean that they've got it all together.
• 18:55
  Leslie: Like there's stuff underneath, like if they're acting that way, there's probably a reason and trying to really.
• 19:01
  Leslie: Find empathy for people even when they were not being kind or deserving of it.
• 19:07
  Leslie: Yes, yes.
• 19:09
  Cheryl: You as the parent had to do that in your own heart as well.
• 19:12
  Cheryl: Even though you're having this great conversation.
• 19:14
  Cheryl: Right.
• 19:15
  Cheryl: It's really hard when it's your children.
• 19:17
  Cheryl: Right.
• 19:17
  Cheryl: Mama Bear comes out.
• 19:19
  Cheryl: I think
• 19:20
  Ellen: that's one of the worst things is when Your, your kid has told you about this kid, and so now you don't like that kid, even though you're trying to act neutral, but if you say a negative thing, Oh, is that that jerk kid?
• 19:33
  Ellen: Mom! They're my kid! Yeah, exactly.
• 19:36
  Ellen: Well, and they,
• 19:37
  Leslie: they let it go, and they're fine the next week, and I'm still hanging on to it.
• 19:40
  Leslie: I have to, yeah, letting that go.
• 19:42
  Leslie: Very good.
• 19:42
  Leslie: Um, but I think also, the expectations of academics, They got a fabulous education.
• 19:48
  Leslie: I will say two parts, so academic and teachers.
• 19:52
  Leslie: So, I mean, just with every teacher, they're teaching because They care
• 19:56
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 19:57
  Leslie: They care about learning and kids.
• 19:59
  Leslie: And that's the reason they're doing it.
• 20:00
  Leslie: but.
• 20:01
  Leslie: My kids aren't going to always like their teachers and I would say, especially going into middle school, but even in into high school, but especially that middle school age was teaching them or having those conversations with them that you may not agree with that teacher, but you still show them respect.
• 20:16
  Leslie: And I think that was a big thing.
• 20:18
  Leslie: and they did, they learned to talk to adults.
• 20:21
  Leslie: They learned to navigate and advocate for themselves.
• 20:24
  Leslie: And so just being able to speak and not, you know, always going to the teacher behind their backs or
• 20:30
  Cheryl: yeah, because that's that preparation because that's easy to do.
• 20:33
  Cheryl: It would be
• 20:34
  Leslie: easy to take care of it for them,
• 20:36
  Cheryl: particularly, I could see that a private school parent would really have to fight against that because they go, I'm paying X amount of dollars in this.
• 20:46
  Cheryl: I own you teachers, you need to do what I want.
• 20:48
  Cheryl: I'm invested.
• 20:50
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 20:50
  Cheryl: Right, right.
• 20:51
  Cheryl: And that, that's a really bad way to equip your children for adulthood.
• 20:55
  Leslie: And my kids recognize the kids that.
• 20:57
  Leslie: Felt that way or had that attitude.
• 21:00
  Leslie: The parents that felt that way, the kids would say things.
• 21:02
  Leslie: Yeah.
• 21:02
  Leslie: Interesting.
• 21:02
  Leslie: And they recognized that.
• 21:04
  Leslie: They saw that.
• 21:04
  Leslie: Their parents would probably be horrified.
• 21:06
  Christie: Right, right.
• 21:07
  Christie: That's maybe, well, I think you mentioned academic pressure.
• 21:12
  Christie: I think that's probably true of what you're saying too, Cheryl, is I'm paying all of this money.
• 21:16
  Christie: Yes.
• 21:16
  Christie: Right.
• 21:16
  Christie: I, I want to get my money's worth.
• 21:19
  Christie: Valid, you know, and I want my kid to do well, that's why I'm paying all this money.
• 21:23
  Christie: And so it's a little bit of a cycle there.
• 21:26
  Christie: And so that probably just fed into additional pressure for your kids to navigate yeah, what was that like to, it sounds like you did a really good job getting to the heart of matters rather than performance.
• 21:39
  Cheryl: Yeah, particularly navigating the pressure that there is in a small private school for all students.
• 21:46
  Cheryl: Academic excellence.
• 21:47
  Cheryl: Excellent.
• 21:47
  Cheryl: That's what I'm going to interject.
• 21:49
  Ellen: When one of my children went to private high school, they were told, if you don't get your ACT at a certain score, it brings the whole school down.
• 22:02
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 22:02
  Cheryl: So
• 22:03
  Ellen: that's a nice way to have to start when you take a test.
• 22:06
  Ellen: That's a lot of pressure.
• 22:08
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 22:08
  Cheryl: What would you say to the parents who are considering, or are in private school, and they're feeling this pressure we're talking
• 22:15
  Leslie: about.
• 22:16
  Leslie: Well, first of all, no school is going to be perfect.
• 22:19
  Leslie: And no school is going to be perfect for every child.
• 22:22
  Leslie: And so, let your kids excel where they excel and let them fail where they're going to fail.
• 22:27
  Leslie: Right.
• 22:27
  Leslie: And, and yeah, I, I think for us, it was more about our kids and what they thought about themselves.
• 22:35
  Leslie: They both did great on their ACT.
• 22:38
  Leslie: They made exactly the same score somehow.
• 22:40
  Leslie: Oh,
• 22:40
  Christie: that's funny.
• 22:41
  Leslie: Oh, man.
• 22:42
  Leslie: But They had friends who had perfect scores, and so in their minds they weren't quite as smart and so I think when you have that pressure cooker of ability and Resources going in a small community and that's the measurement the perspective and that's
• 22:58
  Ellen: the measurement sometimes Yes, you know because you're paying for that to be the measurement, right, you know,
• 23:04
  Leslie: so yeah, you want your kids to do as well as they can you want to encourage them?
• 23:09
  Leslie: That's a hard balance.
• 23:10
  Leslie: You want to encourage them, but you don't want to pressure them and Put your expectations on them.
• 23:16
  Leslie: Yeah,
• 23:17
  Cheryl: well regardless of what you feel inside again, good parenting is trying to bring that balance to the situation you know, because What if your children were the ones setting the standard?
• 23:31
  Cheryl: You don't want that to be their identity.
• 23:33
  Cheryl: Right.
• 23:33
  Cheryl: And that's the deal.
• 23:34
  Cheryl: What I hear you saying is you've been speaking to your children's identity.
• 23:39
  Cheryl: And so this is who you are.
• 23:42
  Cheryl: Not what you do, and in that pressure cooker environment of a private school, I would think identity would be a major thing to talk about and to be cautious of whether you're the one with the perfect ACT, SAT score or you're one with a A moderate score.
• 24:00
  Leslie: Right, yeah.
• 24:01
  Leslie: I think absolutely, identity.?
• 24:03
  Ellen: Well, adding to the identity, I think, you know, that's kind of what you're communicating because the identity is lifelong.
• 24:10
  other: And it's
• 24:10
  Ellen: very tightly formed in middle school and high school, whether we like it or not.
• 24:16
  Ellen: And we have to really help as parents to say, you're not your SAT score.
• 24:20
  Ellen: You're not your athletic ability.
• 24:23
  Ellen: You're not this and that and helping them to maneuver those water.
• 24:27
  Ellen: You're not your clothing size.
• 24:29
  Ellen: Yes, exactly.
• 24:29
  Ellen: Right.
• 24:29
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 24:31
  Christie: Well, yeah, and with private school, you've chosen this school for a reason, but not to make those reasons the make or break deal for your child's future forever.
• 24:43
  Christie: Yeah.
• 24:43
  Christie: Yes.
• 24:43
  Leslie: Yeah.
• 24:43
  Leslie: That's a very good way to put it.
• 24:45
  Cheryl: And, Leslie, I want to thank you because we are out of time again.
• 24:48
  Cheryl: I want to thank you so much for coming in here and sharing with us because this is what parents need to hear.
• 24:57
  Cheryl: It's not the best or the bashing, but a realistic presentation This is what it's like to be a parent in private school.
• 25:08
  Cheryl: well done.
• 25:09
  Cheryl: You did a great job.
• 25:10
  Cheryl: Thank you.
• 25:10
  Leslie: Thank you for having me.
• 25:11
  Leslie: Thank you for giving me this chance.
• 25:12
  Leslie: I want to encourage everyone.
• 25:14
  Leslie: Parents, you're doing the best you can and just keep going.
• 25:16
  Leslie: Well, that's exactly it.
• 25:17
  Leslie: This whole series, I've
• 25:19
  Christie: loved us doing because I love hearing the different perspectives.
• 25:22
  Christie: And one thing we've talked a lot about is all of the different choices that there are to make in parenting, none of them at the end of the day is the end of the world decision.
• 25:34
  Christie: And so there's freedom to do the best you can with what you have, where you are and the children you have.
• 25:40
  Christie: Absolutely.
• 25:41
  Cheryl: That was a great summary.
• 25:43
  Cheryl: Thanks again for coming in.
• 25:44
  Cheryl: Thank you.
• 25:45
  Cheryl: And parents, remember, hang in there, keep loving, keep persevering, because it's worth it.
• 25:58
  The private school experience often carries a reputation of privilege and opportunity.
• 26:04
  Yet, as we've uncovered today, parenting with in this Environment brings its own distinct set of challenges.
• 26:12
  It's about more than just academic success.
• 26:16
  It's about how we, as parents, navigate alongside our children, helping them to thrive amidst the pressures and opportunities that come their way.
• 26:27
  Here at the Parenting Podcast, we are not about choosing sides.
• 26:32
  Our goal is to support and inspire you on your unique parenting journey.
• 26:38
  If today's episode resonated with you, we'd love to hear your thoughts.
• 26:42
  Contact us on social media.
• 26:44
  We're at contact at theparentingpodcast.
• 26:47
  com.
• 26:49
  And don't miss our next episode where we'll delve into another unique facet of parenting within a different educational setting.
• 26:58
  Until then, remember, whatever the environment, your love and commitment are the cornerstones that will guide your child through.