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Bonus IMPROV - He Hasn't Moved in Like Three Minutes · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  that sound means only one thing what is it
• 0:19
  it's bonus improv time here on very fine friends what when you hear the crunching of the ice
• 0:26
  it's time to play nice with a little improv.
• 0:32
  Ooh, mommy.
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  I gotta say, I don't like being called mommy or mama.
• 0:42
  We have a friend who will sometimes call me mama,
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  and I'm like, stop doing that.
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  No, I was saying, isn't that friend Francis?
• 0:48
  No, I was saying umami like the flavor.
• 0:50
  Oh, okay, that's fine.
• 0:51
  Oh.
• 0:53
  That ice is a strong umami flavor to it.
• 0:56
  Joe, can we get a suggestion?
• 1:00
  Give your mother a suggestion.
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  Stop.
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  You surely can.
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  You heard that ice and y'all are being nice,
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  so I'm going to give you a suggestion and add a little spice.
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  Ooh, mommy.
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  Your suggestion is tropical.
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  Tropical.
• 1:23
  I don't know why I did that gay little lilt at the end.
• 1:26
  Tropical.
• 1:26
  back to conversion therapy okay so i have a story for you yay i'm if i already told you this in real
• 1:35
  life i'm sorry but i don't recall ever sharing this okay one time we were in hawaii and
• 1:41
  who fun what part of hawaii i think this is i think this time we were in honolulu
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  you've been multiple times i've been twice nice the other time was in maui okay um love maui
• 1:53
  so nice.
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  Um,
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  anyway,
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  so we're in Honolulu and two things happened on the same beach that were
• 2:02
  like,
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  okay.
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  So we rented a,
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  they had a giant like floating donut,
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  like with no holes,
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  like a big,
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  like circular thing you could rent and like go out in the water.
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  And then to anchor it,
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  it was huge.
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  You could fit probably like five people on this thing comfortably.
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  they give you a like a hand weight like a dumbbell like on a rope tied to the thing so you could drop
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  it so you wouldn't drift off okay well we get on it and we and i'm like i'm hesitant to guess my
• 2:35
  age because you know i just want to go with a nice safe 10 yeah um i don't i don't really know but
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  i don't know 10 to 12 okay we're on the stand with and i'm with a friend like my dad's friend's
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  daughter who's like a few years older than me.
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  She probably like 17 at this time Could be 18 I don know We get out and we drop it but unbeknownst to us the hand weight did not go over the tube It like went off and landed like on the handle of the tube
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  So it didn't go in the water.
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  And so we ended up like drifting like way too far.
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  And by the time we realized like how far we were,
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  I was like actually legitimately terrified because I do not like being in the
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  ocean.
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  Like,
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  yeah,
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  yeah.
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  You don't.
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  Yeah.
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  Yeah.
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  Do you think this was a contributing factor or were you already scared of the ocean?
• 3:26
  I think I would have always been, I don't recall like having a moment, but it's just like,
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  it's unknowing and not being in control is like scary.
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  So I started to feel like, what are we going to do?
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  And she, who, by the way, she was not very nice to me.
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  She was like, you're going to get in the water and pull us back.
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  and I was like,
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  no,
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  I'm not.
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  And she pushed me in and I could not get back on this thing.
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  So I started to pan.
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  It didn't occur to me that I could just like swim away and leave her there
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  out there.
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  But I think I,
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  I,
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  I dragged it because I was like,
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  if something happens,
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  I can get back on this thing with,
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  she'll help me.
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  Like if there's like an emergency.
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  So I did,
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  I like pulled the whole thing back,
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  but I was like scared out of my mind.
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  What a bitch.
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  Yeah.
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  Yeah.
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  That's where the term comes from.
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  This one experience.
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  Everyone's saying it now.
• 4:27
  Yeah.
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  And on the same beach later that day,
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  I,
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  the wave was like,
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  the waves are very powerful on the,
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  on the beach.
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  And I liked letting it just pick me up and like put me down.
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  So I was just like letting it happen over and over and over again.
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  And someone calls the police cause they thought it was a dead body.
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  They thought a child had drowned.
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  And like,
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  so like the ambulance pulls out and I'm just like letting the water just
• 4:51
  throw me about.
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  and then someone like mentioned it and like my dad came up he's like we gotta go
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  instead of like clearing it up with the authorities yeah just yeah no it's just like get in the car
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  what is that instinct to like run like it's not your fault there's nothing you did nothing wrong
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  just they'd show up i needed to hear that yeah yeah my old wife
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  yeah just the cop show up you're like no he's he's alive sorry that someone else called you
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  right it's not francis's fault thank you god bless you
• 5:30
  wow well i'm sorry that happened to you hey hey yeah what a bitch that yeah chick was geez yeah
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  chick bitch i can't even imagine being like you're 12 year olds 10 year old whatever like
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  11. We were 11 year old.
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  This is the same girl Mind you that I want to just came out and I feeling fucking Um I wanted her So you know when you used to get CDs from catalogs
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  Oh, yes.
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  Yeah.
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  I wanted Asa Bass CD.
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  Oh, yeah.
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  And she's like, don't wait.
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  Which one?
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  The green one.
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  The good one.
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  Yeah.
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  Yeah.
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  It's green, right?
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  I got all the songs we know on it.
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  Yeah.
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  I thought it was black.
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  Is it black?
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  Could be black.
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  It might have like a green thing on it.
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  What do I know?
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  ace of base just sounds like a green name
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  anyway really wanted she goes why it sucks
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  she's like you can have mine and then she never
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  gave it to me this is a dollhouse
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  all over again
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  unbelievable
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  I didn't have my own money I was a child
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  and now
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  improv
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  honey honey
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  what
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  honey look
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  look at that small child over there.
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  Which one?
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  That small child over there.
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  I see him.
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  The one in the stroller.
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  Yeah.
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  Yeah.
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  Look at it.
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  I've been watching him.
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  He hasn't moved.
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  He hasn't moved in like three minutes.
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  I'm going to call the cops.
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  Yeah.
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  I'm going to call the cops.
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  You call the cops.
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  I'll do CPR.
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  And I'm going to be a hero.
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  We're both going to be heroes.
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  We're saving this kid's life.
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  We're saving a child.
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  This is how,
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  this is how we're going to make our,
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  our name in this world,
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  honey.
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  Oh God.
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  Thank God.
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  Thank God for us.
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  Thank God.
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  Okay, you call.
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  Hello, 911.
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  Get here fast.
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  Give me a child.
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  There's a dead child.
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  What are you doing to my son?
• 7:34
  Sir?
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  Sir?
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  He was napping.
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  Sir?
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  He was dead and we both know it.
• 7:40
  He was napping.
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  I finally got him to sleep.
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  First aid certified and you need to stay in your lane.
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  It was fine.
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  Oh, you hadn't backed my son.
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  I'm holding him up like Rafiki so everyone knows this is an official act of saving.
• 7:56
  Great work, honey.
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  You did it.
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  Love you.
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  I love you.
• 7:59
  The cop's coming because this guy's got to go to jail.
• 8:01
  Hey, hey, hey, hey.
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  Give me my baby back.
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  No.
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  No.
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  He's crying now.
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  I'm going to have to walk him around again.
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  I walked him all around this mall and he finally fell asleep and you ruined it.
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  Sir, sir.
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  you are not the one holding this child like Rafiki.
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  You are clearly not the father.
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  We're going to have to take you into custody
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  and down to the jailhouse.
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  What is going on here?
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  Honey, I feel compelled to keep holding the baby,
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  to protect the baby.
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  Sir, madam, thank you for your brave service
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  and for calling the police department.
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  And the child will now be arrested into your custody.
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  Officer, officer, can I ask you a question?
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  In your official police report,
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  are you going to put heroes next to our name that we local heroes why that that that what heroes do don they they save motionless baby from dying Exactly And I want you to write next to my name Jesus
• 9:04
  Already did.
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  And I'm going down to Ace Hardware after this
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  to get you copies made of the giant key to the city.
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  Goodbye.
• 9:14
  And next to my name, can you put Gandhi-like but hot?
• 9:17
  it's it's gonna be hard man because gandhi is already hot but i'll do my best hotter
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  hotter than gandhi hotter than gandhi okay yeah wow honey and now we have a baby look you do a
• 9:31
  good deed something good happens to you yeah i gotta be honest with you i didn't really want any
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  kids but it wasn't in my bingo card either hon all right well it's the price to being a hero i
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  guess oh well well what do you want to do with it uh i don't know i bet you if we wait long enough
• 9:53
  it'll choke again 20 years later wow mom dad it's so nice to be out and about with you both
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  oh what what's this this random gathering of people in in this church that we've stumbled
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  into and everyone's wearing black clothes. Oh, it must be like a family gathering of some kind.
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  Oh, but, oh, but that man in the wooden box at the front, he's just lying there motionless. Oh,
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  no one's performing CPR. What? He's just lying there? Let your training kick in, son. Oh God,
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  this is what my whole life has been leading up to this. Son, son, son, son, son, son. Move,
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  weeping women.
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  I'm going to go save this man and hold him over my head.
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  Rafiki style.
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  Oh my God.
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  Someone call 911.
• 10:47
  I already did,
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  honey.
• 10:48
  I already do.
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  Not for that reason.
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  Oh,
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  good.
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  Oh,
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  what do you think?
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  Maybe I might get lucky and you could be my baby brother.
• 10:59
  Someone call 911.
• 11:01
  Yes,
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  I did.
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  They're manhandling my dead husband.
• 11:05
  it looks like
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  he's the one holding that man
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  so that man must belong to him
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  yeah that's not how this works
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  and also we're trying to stop him from being dead
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  have a positive outlook
• 11:17
  maybe I think that the man
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  should go with the one that wants him to be alive
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  yes we all want him to be alive
• 11:24
  he's in bond for crying out loud
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  not enough to do anything about it
• 11:28
  you got me there
• 11:30
  so what do you want to name your new little brother
• 11:34
  he could be sung too
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  scene