Latest / The Burnout Podcast with Fexingo: Workplace Exhaustion, Recovery, and Sustainable Careers / How Burnout Reshapes Your Relationship with Commuting
Transcript
- Lucas: There's a study from earlier this year that found the average worker in a major city spends about 42 minutes each way getting to the office. And for people who are already burned out, that commute can feel like an extra shift they didn't sign up for. Luna: Forty-two minutes. That's nearly an hour and a half a day just sitting in traffic or on a train. Lucas: Right. And when you're burned out, that time isn't neutral. It's not a buffer or a wind-down. It's this weird limbo where you're neither at work nor at home, and your brain keeps replaying everything you didn't finish. Luna: I've definitely had that. You leave the office exhausted, but you can't switch off. You're just staring out the window, going over the same meeting in your head. Lucas: There's actually a term for that — 'commuter's amnesia.' It's when you get to your destination and realize you remember nothing about the journey. Your brain just autopilots through the familiar route. And for a burned-out brain, that autopilot can be a relief, but it can also be a sign you're completely checked out. Luna: So it's like your brain is protecting you from the monotony, but at the same time you're losing that time entirely. Lucas: Exactly. And the interesting thing is, when people recover from burnout, some of them actually miss the commute. There was a piece in the Atlantic a few years back about how the commute can serve as a psychological boundary between work and home. Without it, you're just rolling out of bed and into your inbox. Luna: That makes sense. For me, when I worked from home full-time, the lack of a commute made it harder to leave work at work. There was no physical transition. Lucas: So the commute isn't just wasted time. It's a ritual that helps you switch roles. And when burnout hits, that ritual can become a source of stress instead of a boundary. Luna: How so? Lucas: Well, think about it. When you're burned out, you're already running on empty. The commute adds another demand on your energy, but it also gives you time to ruminate. A 2024 study from the University of California found that longer commutes were associated with higher levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, especially for people who already felt emotionally exhausted. Luna: So it's a double whammy — you're more stressed because of the commute, and the commute gives you more time to feel stressed. Lucas: Right. And there's a gender dimension to this too. The same study found that women with caregiving responsibilities experienced even higher stress from commuting, because they were more likely to be doing household mental labor during the drive or the ride. Luna: I remember that. It's like the commute becomes another place where you're 'on' — thinking about who needs what at home, what you need to prep for tomorrow. Lucas: So the question becomes, how do you reclaim the commute without adding more stress? And I think the first step is to stop treating it as dead time and start treating it as a transition that you control. Luna: What does that look like in practice? Lucas: For me, it's about changing the default. Instead of just sitting in traffic or scrolling through work emails, you can use that time for something that actually restores you. Listen to a podcast that has nothing to do with your industry. Call a friend you haven't talked to in a while. Or even just sit in silence — which, for a burned-out brain, can be incredibly healing. Luna: I like the idea of using it for a 'brain dump.' Like, I used to keep a little notebook in the car, and I'd just write down everything I was worried about before I walked in the door. That way, I wasn't carrying it into the house. Lucas: That's a great practice. And it aligns with something called 'boundary management' — you're deliberately closing the work chapter before you start the home chapter. But there's also a case for making the commute shorter, if that's possible. Luna: Yeah, but not everyone can just move closer to work. That's a huge decision. Lucas: Of course. But sometimes it's about rearranging your day. I know a lot of people who've negotiated flexible hours so they can leave at the crack of dawn or later in the evening, when the roads are empty. That can cut the commute time in half, and it gives you a more predictable, less chaotic journey. Luna: That requires a pretty accommodating employer, though. Lucas: It does. But the conversation is worth having, especially if your burnout is tied to the commute itself. A 2025 Gallup poll found that 61 percent of remote-capable workers said they'd take a pay cut to avoid a long commute. So employers are starting to realize that commute time is a factor in retention. Luna: I think that's true. And on the flip side, I've talked to people who went back to the office after being remote and found that the commute actually helped them reconnect with their work. It gave them a mental 'on' switch. Lucas: Yeah, that's the other side of the coin. Some people thrive on that separation. The commute becomes a decompression chamber. And when it's taken away, they feel like they're always at work, even at home. Luna: So it's not one-size-fits-all. It's about understanding your own relationship with that time. Lucas: Right. And that's where I think burnout actually helps — it forces you to examine things you've taken for granted. You start asking, 'Is this commute serving me or draining me?' And that's a valuable question, even if you can't change the commute right away. Luna: So we've talked about using the commute mindfully, but what about the commute itself being a source of burnout? Like, is there something about the act of commuting that's inherently exhausting, beyond the time? Lucas: There is. A study from the London School of Economics found that commuting is consistently rated as one of the least enjoyable activities of the day, even less enjoyable than work itself. And that's partly because it's often unpredictable — traffic, delays, cancellations. That unpredictability is a real stressor. Luna: So it's the feeling of not being in control that gets you. Lucas: Exactly. You can plan everything else about your day, but you can't control whether the train is on time or whether there's a crash on the highway. And for someone who's already burned out, that loss of control can be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Luna: I've heard people say they almost look forward to the commute being 'bad' because it gives them a story to tell, like a shared misery. Is that a thing? Lucas: There's some truth to that. Commuting complaints are a social bonding ritual. But it can also be a way of externalizing your stress — you're blaming the traffic instead of dealing with the burnout. It's a coping mechanism, but not a healthy one in the long run. Luna: That's a good point. I remember one guy I interviewed who said his commute was the only time he had to himself all day. He had three kids and a demanding job, and the 20-minute drive was his 'me time.' But he also realized he was using it to avoid thinking about the bigger problems in his life. Lucas: That's the paradox. The commute can be both a refuge and a prison. And burnout often highlights that tension. You need the time to decompress, but you're also stuck in a metal box for 40 minutes, and that can feel suffocating. Luna: So what's the practical advice for someone who's burned out and can't change their commute right now? What can they do to make it less draining? Lucas: I'd say, first, identify the worst part of the commute for you. Is it the unpredictability? The lack of control? The feeling of wasted time? Once you name it, you can start to address it. If it's unpredictability, maybe you can build in a 15-minute buffer at the end so you're not constantly anxious about being late. Luna: That's a practical tip. But what about the mental side? Like, I know people who listen to audiobooks or podcasts, but they still feel drained. Lucas: Because they're still 'doing' something. The brain doesn't get a rest if you're constantly consuming information. For a truly restorative commute, you might need to do nothing. Just let your mind wander. That's when your brain processes the day and makes connections. It's like a mini-meditation. Luna: I think that's harder for people than it sounds. We're so conditioned to be productive. Lucas: It is hard. But it's worth trying. Even five minutes of just watching the world go by can reset your nervous system. And there's some research that suggests a 'mindful commute' can reduce stress more than just listening to music or scrolling. Luna: Okay, so we've talked about the commute as a source of stress and as a potential tool for recovery. But what about after burnout? Do people's relationships with commuting change once they're on the other side? Lucas: Definitely. I've seen people who, after recovering from burnout, become much more intentional about their commute. They might choose a longer route that's more scenic, or they might start biking or walking part of the way, even if it takes longer. Because they've learned that the commute is not just a means to an end — it's part of their day, and it should feel okay. Luna: So it's less about efficiency and more about wellbeing. Lucas: Right. And that's a shift that can spill over into other areas. If you can make your commute work for you, you start to realize you have more agency over your time than you thought. And that's a powerful realization for someone who's been feeling burned out. Luna: I think it's also about setting boundaries. Like, I know someone who has a rule that they don't check work email on the train. They use that time to read a novel. And it's made a huge difference in their mood. Lucas: That's a great example of a boundary. And it shows that even in a small, daily habit, you can reclaim a sense of control. That's what burnout recovery is all about — taking back the parts of your day that feel like they belong to other people. Luna: Before we wrap up, I want to mention something. A lot of listeners have asked how they can support the show, and honestly, the best way is through buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's a small thing, but it really helps us keep making episodes like this one. Lucas: Yeah, it's completely listener-supported, no ads, and a few people have already chipped in. That's what keeps us going. So if you've gotten something useful from this conversation, consider that. Luna: And we're back to the topic. But I want to come back to that idea of the commute as a transition. It's not just about getting from A to B. It's about preparing yourself mentally for the day, or unwinding at the end of it. Lucas: Absolutely. And if you're burned out, the commute can be a place to start making changes. It's a small slice of your day that you can actually control. So maybe tomorrow, instead of dreading the drive, try something different. See what happens. Luna: I like that. It's a gentle challenge. And next time, we'll talk about how burnout affects your relationship with weekends. Until then, take care of yourselves.