Latest / Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast / How to Move from Surviving to Truly Living Again, Even After the Deepest Hurts

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How to Move from Surviving to Truly Living Again, Even After the Deepest Hurts · Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

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  Speaker 1: Life Audio.
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  Speaker 2: Parents, I don't say this very often, but this is
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  Speaker 2: not an episode appropriate for your young children. So you
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  Speaker 2: may want to pause right now and make sure that
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  Speaker 2: they're not in the room when you watch or listen.
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  Speaker 2: But it is a topic that I think is important
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  Speaker 2: for us to discuss openly and candidly. Trauma can shatter
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  Speaker 2: our sense of safety, identity, and trust, especially when it
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  Speaker 2: comes at the hands of someone who vowed to love us.
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  Speaker 2: In today's episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective, I'm joined by
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  Speaker 2: a licensed professional counselor and marriage and family therapist whose
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  Speaker 2: story of surviving attempted murder and kidnapping is both heartbreaking.
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  Speaker 2: but also incredibly inspiring. Through her faith and her training,
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  Speaker 2: she's transformed her pain into purpose. That is what you
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  Speaker 2: know I call a sacred scar. She helps others heal
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  Speaker 2: from grief, loss, and trauma. And today she shares how
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  Speaker 2: God meets us in our darkest moments and how we
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  Speaker 2: can reclaim our lives after the deepest wounds. This story
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  Speaker 2: is not about a villain and a victim. Instead, it
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  Speaker 2: is about a woman who, despite being victimized, chose healing
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  Speaker 2: and has emerged victorious. Welcome back to your Hope-Filled Perspective
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  Speaker 2: with Dr. Michelle Bankson, where it's always our goal to
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  Speaker 2: restore hope, renew minds, and empower listeners to live in
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  Speaker 2: your God-given identity. I'm so thankful when you choose to
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  Speaker 2: spend a few minutes of your week with us, and
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  Speaker 2: especially so when you find the episodes encouraging enough to
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  Speaker 2: share it with a friend who needs a biblically-based, hope-filled perspective. Today,
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  Speaker 2: we're going to be talking about how to move from
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  Speaker 2: surviving to truly living again, even after the deepest hurts.
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  Speaker 2: We'll dive into that right after this brief word from
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  Speaker 2: our sponsor. We'll be right back. Sometimes the deepest wounds
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  Speaker 2: in our lives come from the people we once trusted most.
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  Speaker 2: Today on Your Hope-Filled Perspective, I'm joined by licensed professional
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  Speaker 2: counselor and marriage and family therapist, Kimberly Haar, author of
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  Speaker 2: Healing from Life's Deepest Hurts, Reclaiming Your Life After Grief, Loss,
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  Speaker 2: or Trauma. Kimberly's journey is one marked by understanding unthinkable
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  Speaker 2: betrayal and violence. Her ex-husband attempted to take her life
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  Speaker 2: and the life of the man she was dating. Yet,
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  Speaker 2: through God's sustaining grace and her own trauma-informed healing process,
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  Speaker 2: Kimberly now helps others reclaim hope after devastation. So today
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  Speaker 2: we'll explore how to move from surviving to truly living again,
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  Speaker 2: even after the deepest hurts. I felt led to share
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  Speaker 2: with you Ecclesiastes 3.1. <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL>
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  Speaker 2: Our guest today has experienced many of those such times
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  Speaker 2: in her life until today. She'll share some of those.
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  Speaker 2: Kimberly Haar is a survivor of domestic violence, a licensed
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  Speaker 2: professional counselor, licensed marriage and family therapist with nearly two
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  Speaker 2: decades of experience helping others find healing and wholeness in life.
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  Speaker 2: Her therapy practice is located in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where she
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  Speaker 2: continues to inspire hope and strength in those facing life's challenges.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome to the program, Kimberly.
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  Speaker 1: I am so honored to be here. Thank you for
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  Speaker 1: having me.
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  Speaker 2: I was honored. that you and your publisher sent me
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  Speaker 2: an early copy of the manuscript and allowed me to
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  Speaker 2: endorse it. Kimberly, I know from reading about your story
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  Speaker 2: that you were married for 23 years, but something went awry.
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  Speaker 2: We share that with our listeners and viewers.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, I was married for 23 years. And in those
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  Speaker 1: 23 years, we had those good seasons. We had hard seasons.
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  Speaker 1: I like to say during my marriage, there was no
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  Speaker 1: domestic violence. And what the problem was, though, is my
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  Speaker 1: first husband had problems with pornography, chat rooms, and I
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  Speaker 1: discovered he had been actually in an affair in 2013.
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  Speaker 1: And I had known that he had betrayed me several
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  Speaker 1: times in our marriage. But because we had four young children,
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  Speaker 1: I made the decision I was going to stay until
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  Speaker 1: my kids got old enough and prayed that the Lord
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  Speaker 1: would really restore our home. But in 2013, when I
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  Speaker 1: discovered that he had had an affair, I just knew
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  Speaker 1: that I could no longer stay in this marriage. And
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  Speaker 1: so it was then that I made the hardest decision
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  Speaker 1: I've ever made, and that was to file for divorce.
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  Speaker 1: And we had four kids. And at the time, my
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  Speaker 1: two youngest were 15. And so I just decided, okay,
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to stay just a mom for four years.
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  Speaker 1: I'm not going to date anybody because I knew that
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  Speaker 1: there was healing from divorce. There was healing from betrayal.
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  Speaker 1: And I just needed to focus on my family.
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  Speaker 2: It's interesting to me that while there were definitely problems
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  Speaker 2: and concerns in the marriage, that you didn't see something
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  Speaker 2: so devastating until after. Share a little bit about what happened.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. When my ex-husband and I divorced, we actually had
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  Speaker 1: a friendly divorce. And I had told him, you know what,
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  Speaker 1: during these four years, I'm going to just be single.
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  Speaker 1: You get your life right with the Lord. You figure
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  Speaker 1: out what's going on. And I think in the back
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  Speaker 1: of my mind, I always hoped that our family could
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  Speaker 1: one day restore because I did love him. But in 2017,
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  Speaker 1: it had been four years. My youngest children were going
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  Speaker 1: to college. I was empty nesting and I knew that
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  Speaker 1: the changes I needed hadn't been made. And so I
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  Speaker 1: began dating in 2017. I woke up and I felt
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  Speaker 1: I really felt the Lord saying this is the year
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  Speaker 1: I was going to be married again. And I was
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  Speaker 1: 50 years old. And I thought, where does a 50-year-old
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  Speaker 1: woman go to put herself out there? And so I
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  Speaker 1: met a man on April Fool's Day. And right away,
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  Speaker 1: I just knew this was the man I was going
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  Speaker 1: to marry. And we dated each other for almost every
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  Speaker 1: day for a month. And his name was Andrew. He's
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  Speaker 1: an engineer. And it was kind of funny because Andrew
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  Speaker 1: told me we had dated maybe two weeks. And he said...
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  Speaker 1: I've asked Google how long you need to know somebody
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  Speaker 1: before you know you're in love. Because in his engineer brain,
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  Speaker 1: he wanted to make sure he was being logical and
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  Speaker 1: it was like the rights, the wrongs. And he had said,
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  Speaker 1: I want to marry you. And so we knew I
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  Speaker 1: had never been happier. And it had been about four
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  Speaker 1: weeks and my ex-husband called me and he asked me
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  Speaker 1: to stop by his home and have a conversation about
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  Speaker 1: our adult children. That wasn't uncommon. We had done that
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  Speaker 1: many times. I had no reason to think this time
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  Speaker 1: would be different. But when I got to his home,
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  Speaker 1: the conversation became about he wanted us to be able
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  Speaker 1: to look at reconciling. He wanted me to give him
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  Speaker 1: another chance. And so I just said, I've moved on
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  Speaker 1: and you need to as well. There is no going
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  Speaker 1: back for us. And he looked at me and he said, well,
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  Speaker 1: I may just have to have a talk with that man.
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  Speaker 1: And I didn't know what he meant because he had
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  Speaker 1: never met him. I didn't even know he knew about him.
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  Speaker 1: But unbeknownst to me, he had been stalking me. So
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  Speaker 1: he knew where this man was. He knew when I
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  Speaker 1: was at his house. And so when I left my
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  Speaker 1: husband's house that day, I actually, I went, I called
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  Speaker 1: Andrew on the way home and I said, hey, can
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  Speaker 1: I come talk to you? And honestly, I just wanted
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  Speaker 1: to warn him so he wouldn't get scared away. I
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  Speaker 1: didn't know what my ex-husband had talked about. But so
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  Speaker 1: I told Andrew and before I left that evening, I said, Andrew,
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  Speaker 1: would you fight for me? And he said, well, of
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  Speaker 1: course I would. And when I asked him why, he said,
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  Speaker 1: because you're worth it. And little did I know it
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  Speaker 1: would be 24 hours within the next 24 hours. Andrew
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  Speaker 1: wasn't just fighting for me, but he was fighting for
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  Speaker 1: his life. Because when I left his home, I went
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  Speaker 1: home to my house. I lived alone. And so I
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  Speaker 1: went upstairs and I always locked my house door. But
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  Speaker 1: this night I was getting ready to go to bed
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  Speaker 1: and something stirred in me. And it said, lock your
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  Speaker 1: bedroom door. So I did. I got up. I went
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  Speaker 1: to sleep. I was not scared. And at 2.30 in
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  Speaker 1: the morning, I woke up to my bedroom door crashing
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  Speaker 1: down off the hinges. My ex-husband was intoxicated. He had
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  Speaker 1: a gun in his hand and proceeded for the next
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  Speaker 1: four hours to assault me and then kidnapped me and
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  Speaker 1: took me to Andrew's house where he intended to kill him.
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  Speaker 2: So when this all happened, what flashed through your mind?
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  Speaker 2: I can only imagine because you didn't see, from what
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  Speaker 2: you've said, you didn't see the violence prior to the divorce.
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  Speaker 2: It had been an amicable divorce. You'd met before to
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  Speaker 2: talk about your children together. How did you even process
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  Speaker 2: what was happening?
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  Speaker 1: I think a lot of it, I really credit a
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  Speaker 1: lot of it to my therapeutic background as a therapist
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  Speaker 1: because I was almost like coaching myself through it. And
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  Speaker 1: the very first thing I remember, the very first thing
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  Speaker 1: I thought was I prayed just silently and I prayed,
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  Speaker 1: dear God. Just keep me alive because my family is
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  Speaker 1: going to need me. But from that moment on, I was,
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  Speaker 1: you know, obviously there's the shock and the, you know, fight, flight, freeze.
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  Speaker 1: But I would tell myself, pay attention to his words.
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  Speaker 1: Stay one step ahead. Stay calm. Because I knew that
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  Speaker 1: if I started freaking out, it wasn't going to end well.
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  Speaker 1: So I think that in the beginning, it just, it
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  Speaker 1: felt like a bad dream. And I wasn't waking up
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  Speaker 1: from it. It was, it was probably, well, it was,
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  Speaker 1: it was the scariest thing I've ever been through.
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  Speaker 2: I'm sure. And so as that nightmare is unfolding and
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  Speaker 2: you find yourself with your ex-husband. kidnapped and taken to
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  Speaker 2: Andrew's house, what happened?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm on the way to Andrew's house because he
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  Speaker 1: told me as punishment for ruining his life, he was
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  Speaker 1: going to make me witness him murdering Andrew. So as
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  Speaker 1: we were driving there, I was honestly really praying over Andrew.
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  Speaker 1: I didn't know that my ex-husband knew where Andrew lived
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  Speaker 1: at that time. And so the closer we got, I
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  Speaker 1: was just praying the angels around him. I was like, Lord,
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  Speaker 1: just protect him. I was praying he would have gotten
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  Speaker 1: up early and gone to work that day because by
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  Speaker 1: this time it was about 630 in the morning. And
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  Speaker 1: when we got to Andrew's house, my ex-husband looked at
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  Speaker 1: me and he said, now you go do whatever you
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  Speaker 1: need to do. And he left the keys in the
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: ignition of the vehicle. And he reached into the backseat
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  Speaker 1: of the vehicle. We had come in, got the gun,
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  Speaker 1: got extra bullets. And so I jumped into the driver's
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  Speaker 1: seat to make a getaway, but not before I heard
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  Speaker 1: three gunshots. And so I knew that there was no
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  Speaker 1: way Andrew was going to survive this. I would later
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  Speaker 1: learn that Andrew had been shot 10 times. And it
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: was all through a lead glass window in the door.
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  Speaker 1: My ex-husband never made entry into the house. It was
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  Speaker 1: all shooting through the lead glass window. But Andrew was
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  Speaker 1: shot in the femoral artery. He was shot in the back,
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: in the arm. And so by all means, Andrew should
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: have died.
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  Speaker 2: Wow. So the way you say that gives us a
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  Speaker 2: hint of what happened after that. So when you got
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  Speaker 2: into the driver's seat, even though you heard the gunshots?
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  Speaker 2: Did you take off? Did you call the police?
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  Speaker 3: Did you even have a phone to call the police? I,
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  Speaker 3: I had not, you know, I don't, I did not
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  Speaker 3: have access to my phone, whether it was on the
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  Speaker 3: other seat that never came to my mind.
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  Speaker 1: I was just like, I've got to go find help.
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  Speaker 1: And so I drove and it ended up only being
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: about four blocks, but I took the long way because
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: I was just driving everywhere I could. And I saw
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: a super center that was open 24 hours. And so
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  Speaker 1: I I parked the vehicle in the very front. I
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: ran inside the front door and I just screamed, somebody
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  Speaker 1: call 911. And what seemed like forever, I'm sure it
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: was only seconds, the cashiers were looking up at me.
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  Speaker 1: And by this time, my face was unrecognizable. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: I had been brutally attacked. And so when nobody was
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  Speaker 1: responding as quickly as I wanted them to, I looked
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  Speaker 1: down in my hand and I had a cell phone
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: in my hand. but it wasn't mine. And so the
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: only thing I've been able to figure out, it came
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: from the vehicle that I came from. And I had
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: heard that if you dial 911, even if you don't
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: know the password, that it will go through. And so
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  Speaker 1: it does. The good news is it does work. And
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  Speaker 1: so I called 911 and I just said, hey, you've
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  Speaker 1: got to get the police to Andrew's house. And I said,
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  Speaker 1: but tell them to be careful. because my ex-husband had
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  Speaker 1: said this day was not going to end up good.
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  Speaker 1: And so from that point, the police and the ambulances,
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  Speaker 1: they were discharged and sent to Andrew's house. I had
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  Speaker 1: a police and ambulance that were coming to the super
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  Speaker 1: center for me. And so I was escorted to the
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  Speaker 1: stock warehouse room so that the shoppers couldn't see me.
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  Speaker 1: And I waited for a police and ambulance to come
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  Speaker 1: for me, who later took me to the emergency room.
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  Speaker 2: And what did the police find?
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  Speaker 1: You mean when they came and got me?
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  Speaker 2: Or when they showed up at Andrew's house.
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  Speaker 1: When they showed up at Andrew's house, because we were
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  Speaker 1: taken to two different hospitals. And because it was a
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  Speaker 1: crime scene, Andrew was in the hospital under an assumed name.
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  Speaker 1: So I couldn't find him. And I was in the
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  Speaker 1: emergency room. The police escorted me out, and I got
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  Speaker 1: to the emergency room. And while I was there, Andrew,
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  Speaker 1: one of his kids, his adult son, called my cell
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  Speaker 1: phone and said, listen, we're sorry this happened. We wish
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: you the best, but we really think that you guys
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: should go your separate ways. And so in the emergency room,
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  Speaker 1: I was more devastated about losing Andrew than I was
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  Speaker 1: about anything that had happened to me because it was here.
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  Speaker 1: I honestly questioned, it's like, Lord, were you just dangling
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  Speaker 1: a carrot in front of my face? I've never been
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: this happy. This man is the man I was going
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: to marry. And now he's taken away. And so I
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: left the emergency room with just knowing that I wasn't
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: going to see Andrew again. And I stayed the first
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  Speaker 1: few nights at my mom and dad's house, but I
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: knew that that wasn't a long-term solution. But I had
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: an uncle and aunt that lived in the same town
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: as me, and they offered me to stay in their
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: home for the summer. And when I went to their house,
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: they gave me a tour of the home so I'd
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: know where light switches are. And I saw in their backyard...
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  Speaker 1: They had this beautiful, huge, big pergola that had big
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: wood rafters. And there was two swings and a big
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: cement floor. And something told me that this is where
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  Speaker 1: I was going to go every morning. And this was
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: going to become a very sacred ground for me. And
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: think of like Moses, when he took off his sandals
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: at the burning bush, he said, where I'm standing is
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: holy ground. This became my holy ground. And I would
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: not hear from Andrew for six weeks. But in those
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: six weeks, that's where my healing really began. And I
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: had to really get honest with the Lord and myself.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: And I really want to unpack that healing journey because
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: I want our listeners and viewers to know that even
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: under the most dire circumstances, and yours certainly were, God
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: can and does still heal. But I have to ask,
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: what happened to your ex-husband?
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: My ex-husband was apprehended and he was sentenced to prison
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: for a very long time. I never saw him after
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: that day. I've never talked to him since that day.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: And so he's no longer a part of my life.
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  Speaker 1: And I do have adult children. We all heal in
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: our own ways. And so, you know, from that day forward,
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: I haven't had any contact with him.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: Speaking as one mental health professional to another, how do
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: you get through something that traumatic? how do you even start?
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: Did you counsel yourself? Did you find another therapist? I
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: know that that area, your aunt and uncle's house and
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: that pergola was a vital part of your therapy, but I'm,
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: unpack that healing journey a bit. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Well, one of my first calls was to my pastor.
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  Speaker 1: And the second call, like a day and a half later,
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: was to a Christian therapist because I know the value
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: of therapy. And while a therapist wasn't going to heal me,
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: I wanted them to walk with me to make sure
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  Speaker 1: I didn't get stuck. And so I would go to therapy.
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  Speaker 1: But when I was the first few days when I
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: was at the pergola, the very first morning that I
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: went out there, I wrapped myself in a big green
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: blanket and I laid on the cement floor and I
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: just wept. And I I did not know you could
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: weep so much because it was like my body was groaning.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: My body was crying. There was such a loss of,
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: of so many things, including a loss of safety, a
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: loss of innocence, a lot just. And, and I remember
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: praying and saying, Lord, I don't have any words. I said,
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: I have never felt this broken. And I feel like
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: I'm an empty shell. And I asked the Lord, I said,
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: you know, I know there's a scripture in Zephaniah that
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: says you sing over us, you delight over us. And
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: I said, Lord, I am so empty. I can't even pray.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: So I'm asking you, would you sing over me and
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: breathe life back into my body? Because I felt so empty.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: And so within the next week, I was putting praise
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: and worship music on, and I would just bathe myself.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: And I would bathe myself in those worship songs, and
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: I let those become my prayers. And little by little,
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: I began singing those songs. And it I came to
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: the Lord with so many emotions, and I've always been
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: a very honest prayer. And I told the Lord in
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: the beginning, of course, there's the why me? Why didn't
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: you stop this? Where were you? And I was frustrated.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: At times I felt angry, but God never rebuked me
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: from any of my emotions. He said, it was like,
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: I would say, Lord, I am hurting so bad. And
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: it was like, I could just sense him saying, I know,
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: and I'm here. And it was a very.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: It was such a holy time because I would... Well,
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: in the beginning, I told the Lord, I trust you, Lord.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: This is what you need to do, how you need
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: to do it, when you need to do it, and
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: it'll be such a great testimony. And then I'd say,
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: and I trust you, Lord. And my pastor's wife took
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: me out for coffee one day, and I was getting
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: ready to tell her how she should pray, when she
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: should pray. And she said, Kim, you can't make Andrew
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: your idol. She said, a person... cannot take the place
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: that Jesus is meant to fill. And if your happiness
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: is dependent on him, you're putting him in a place
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: that he doesn't belong. So I went back to the
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: pergola and I told the Lord, I said, Lord, I
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: don't want to trust you. I said, I'm scared to
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: trust you because what if you don't give me what
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: I want? And I said, but I'm asking you, I'm
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: choosing to trust you, though I don't feel it. And
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: it began weeks of where I would just pray and
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay, Lord. And I actually would get
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: up in the morning and I said, okay, Lord, as
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: a physical sign of my trust, I made sure nobody
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: was looking. And I said, I would play a song
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: that was called Dance With Me, A Lover of My
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: Soul by Paul Wilbur. And I would put myself like
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: in this dance waltz position and I would close my
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: eyes because it talked about God just pursuing us and
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: loving us. And I would do this waltz with my
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: eyes closed and I would envision myself being held in
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: the arms of Jesus. And at the very end of it,
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: I would actually bow my head and I would curtsy.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: And then I'd go about listening to my other music
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: and praying and journaling. But that is always how I
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: started my day. And it was like, Lord, this is
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: my sacrifice of praise because I don't want to trust you.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: But I really I am. declaring, I will trust you.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: Sacrifice of praise. Friends, we're going to take a real
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: brief break for a word from our sponsor, but I
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: want you to stick with us because when we return,
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: we'll continue our conversation about how to move from surviving
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: to truly living again. We'll be right back. Kimberly, how
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: can one keep from falling into the pit of the
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: victim mentality once we've been hurt? Because I heard you
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: say before the break that you didn't want to fall
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: into that well of self-pity. And yet when we've gone
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: through such traumatic experiences so often, that's where people go.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: Well, and it would have been easy because nobody would
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: have blamed me. There was like good guy, bad guy, hurt, not.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: But I maybe because I had walked with so many
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: people and held so many stories of hurt with my
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: clients for 20 years, I knew from the very beginning
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: I was going to do whatever I had to to heal.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: And when you ask, how do you not get into that?
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: I think the very first thing is you've got to
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: make a decision. that that's not the route you're going
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: to go. You know, I would go in those first
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: few weeks, I would have to go downtown to the
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: victim witness center. And because it was a crime and
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: they would take my statements and there was a piece
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: of paper I would have to sign in on. And
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: there was a red arrow that said victim sign here.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: And when I saw that something inside me just reared
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: up and I was like, I will not be a victim.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: I was victimized. And on that day, I was a victim.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: But from that point on, I had been victimized, but
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: I was not going to be a victim. And sitting
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: in the emergency room within hours of everything happening, it
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: was almost a year later, the detective who had been
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: assigned to my case, I talked to her and she said, Kim,
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: do you remember... what you told me in that emergency room,
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: all bloody faced. And I said, no, I don't. And
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: she said, you looked at me and you said, I
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: will not let this experience go to waste. I'm going
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: to be a better therapist because of it. Because I
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: knew I could have a deeper empathy than I'd ever
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: had before. My daughter asked me, she says, mom, do
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: you remember what you told me in the emergency room?
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: And I said, no, I don't. She said, mom, you
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: looked at me and you said, promise me you won't
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: let this make you bitter. And there was a part
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: of me that I was going to do. I didn't
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: know how I was going to heal, but I knew
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: I was going to do whatever it took until I
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: felt like I was in a healed place. And even
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: the morning after, that right after the four hours of
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: the assault, my ex-husband, the intoxication was wearing off and
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: he looked down at me and I think he realized
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: the enormity of what he had done. And he said,
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: tell me the truth. I've gone too far. We could
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: never go back and you could never forgive me. And
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: in that moment, a part of me was like, oh,
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: you know, placate him. You just want to get out
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: of here safe. And I thought, no, I'm not going
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: to do that. And so I looked at him and
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: I called him by name. And I said, you're right.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: You have gone too far. There is no going back.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: I said, but I want you to know I will
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: forgive you. And I declared, I kept declaring these things
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: over myself without even realizing it. Now, I did not
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: forgive him that day. although I prayed for him that
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: night when he was in jail. I had to work
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: through that, but I knew that I will be forgiving.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: I will be joyful. This is not going to be
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: the end of my story because the devil will not
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: have the last word.
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: What I'm hearing from you is so resonant with what
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: we talk about so often on this podcast, and that
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: is that our mindset matters.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: And your mindset was, I will not be a victim.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: Good will come out of this. God will use this
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: pain to help other people. I'm really curious if you
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: could go back and talk to yourself right after your trauma.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: What would you say?
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: Oh, well, and let me maybe clarify too, because even
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: though I declared all that over me, that doesn't mean
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: I wasn't falling apart at times. Healing is not linear.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: So I was weeping. I'd have good days and I'd
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: had bad days. So I don't want to give the
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: impression that I just said, okay, life will be great.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: If I could go back, I would actually go wrap
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: myself in a green blanket with her. with that younger
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: part of me laying on that cement. And I would
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: let her know that she's stronger than she thinks. And
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: really just love her, but be with her in that moment.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: And I think maybe give the gift of presence saying, okay,
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: you will get through this. You don't see how, you
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: don't see when, but you will get through this.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: Did your relationship with God change through all of this?
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: I think that I am not, I would not want
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: what happened to happen again. But man, the gifts that
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: came out of that, just my relationship with the Lord,
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: I was I accepted Jesus in my heart when I
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: was five years old and I never walked away. So
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: I was raised in a Christian home and I love
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: the Lord. There was never a question of that. I
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: never walked away from him. But during that time, there
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: was such a, God just drew so close to me,
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: but it was me drawing close to him because God
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: never went anywhere. It was me that did. And so
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: in that, I would, I just came to where I
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: felt like the Lord and I were like this. And
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: people say, where's God when bad things happen? Sometimes we
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: say it as an accusation, like God wasn't there. But really,
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: I love to say, ask the Lord where he was
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: because he was there. And the morning I was assaulted,
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: the assaulting was over. I was laying on my bed,
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: and I remember sensing a presence in the room that
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: I hadn't sensed before because I was just not paying attention.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: But there was a sad presence in the room, but
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: I knew it was the presence of the Lord. And
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: in that moment, fear left me. I didn't know if
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: I was going to live or die. But in that moment,
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: I knew I would not have died alone. It was
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: Psalm 23, come alive. It said, yea, though I walk
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: through the valley of the shadow of death, you're with me.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: And so many people think, well, we shouldn't walk through
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: any valleys. But the Bible says we're going to walk
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: through the valley of the shadow of death. The promise
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: is he's not going to leave us. So My relationship
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: with the Lord, it really, it got deeper than it
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: had ever been. In fact, it was after that six weeks, actually,
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: Andrew did contact me. And this ties into my relationship
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: with the Lord. But he contacted me by Facebook Messenger
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: because his kids had taken my phone number out of
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: his phone. I've never been so thankful for Facebook Messenger.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: And all it said is, hey, I'm alive. And so
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: how do you respond to that? You know, it's like, yippee.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: And he was telling him, I'm so sorry. I didn't
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: tell my ex-husband where you lived. And I said, can
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: I come see you? And he said, no. He said
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: he was going back into the hospital for another surgery.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: His wounds were infected. And he said he would contact
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: me after all that was over. And he ended his
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: conversation on Facebook by saying, take care. And I thought,
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: what does that mean? You know, does that mean I
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: wish you well? And so I waited and it was
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: about four or five days later, I got another message
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: that said, hey, a visit would be nice. And so,
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: but then he told me to sneak around his adult
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: children at the hospital. So, cause I'd only met one
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: of them. So I'm sneaking around his adult children and
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: I walked into his hospital room and I looked at
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: him and I said, Andrew, where does this leave us?
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: And he said, I don't know. He said, I've read
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: the felony counts against you. He goes, I know what
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: happened to you and you're really going to be messed up.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: He said, I know what happened to me and I'm
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: really going to be messed up. And something came over
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: me and I shook my finger in his face. And
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: I said, Andrew Hart, you will never meet another woman
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: like me. And four weeks later, we were engaged. Four
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: months later, we were married. And this is eight years ago.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: But on my wedding day, a lot of times we
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: go through hard things and that's when we press in.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: That's when we're like, Lord, we're there. We're reading our Bible.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: We're praying and we're really putting our relationship with the
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: Lord as a priority. But then good times come and
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: we let it slide. And it's like, okay, God, I
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: got it from here. And we really just kind of
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: let our spiritual walks get lukewarm. And so on my
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: wedding day, I got up at six o'clock in the morning.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: I was no longer at my uncle and aunt's house.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: I had moved into the home we were going to live.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: And I got in my car and I drove back
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: to my uncle and aunt's house. I called them and
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: I said, if you hear a noise in the backyard,
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: don't call the police. It's just me. I said, please
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: don't look. Please close the curtains. But I went there
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: because I knew I had an appointment to keep. And
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: my wedding day morning, I got my playlist on my phone.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: I played the song Dance With Me, O Lover of
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: My Soul. I closed my eyes and I prayed and
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: asked the Lord, help me to always keep you as
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: my first love. I want to honor you as the
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: first thing this day. And then my wedding day ended
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: up in the arms of my husband dancing at our wedding.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: So my relationship with the Lord, there's nothing I would
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: trade for that.
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: You mentioned before that you were willing to forgive. your ex-husband,
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: and we both know that forgiveness plays a large role
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: in healing. Healing is next to impossible when we carry bitterness, resentment,
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: and unforgiveness. What and who were the people that you
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: had to forgive that surprised you?
• 29:26
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: I think, of course, everybody would think, well, you have
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: to forgive your ex-husband. And I did. He was still
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: the father of my children. And I still, there was
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: a love there for who he was and our good
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: times together. The hardest person to forgive was myself. because
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: especially going back to my divorce, what happens is when
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: you go through those traumatic things, the devil wants to
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: come in and he wants to accuse you and he
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: wants to wrap you in shame. And I told myself
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: the day I got a divorce that I was defective, disqualified,
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: damaged goods. God could never use me. I told myself
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: I was a failure when I divorced, that I'd failed God,
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: failed myself, failed my kids. And so I had to
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: go back and one is really, rewrite those beliefs because
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: I hadn't failed. But I told myself and the enemy
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: told me I had. So working through forgiving myself was
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: probably the hardest I had to do. You know, I did.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: I chose to forgive my ex-husband. I chose to forgive
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: the woman that he had had an affair with. That
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: one wasn't an easy one either, because for me, I
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: was actually sitting in church one day and I felt
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: the Lord saying, you need to forgive her. And I
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: was like, excuse me, get thee behind me, Satan. Because
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: I was like, Lord, I didn't do anything. And the Lord, really,
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: I felt him asking me, why could you forgive your husband, ex-husband?
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: And I said, because I loved him. And the Lord said,
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: and I love her. And it was like, yes, Lord.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: So that was a process of having to really walk
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: through forgiveness because I've come to learn that you can
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: heal without forgiveness, but you can't be whole. You know,
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: because you look at people in the world that hold
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: unforgiveness and they can say, no, I'm doing great. But
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: to really reach that presence of saying, you know what,
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: I'm whole. That you can't do without forgiveness.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: Friends, we're going to take a real short break, but
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: when we come back, we'll be wrapping up the episode
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: and you know, I'm going to ask Kimberly to share
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: her hope-filled perspective through this. We'll be right back. Kimberly,
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: as we get close to wrapping up this episode, I
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: just wonder if you would share from your professional perspective,
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: what's one of the biggest misperceptions that you see that
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: people have about healing?
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: I think one of the misperceptions is that it's once
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: and done. that that is all linear. You go from
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: this stage to this stage to this stage. And so
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: if they have hard days, they say, well, I guess
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: I'm not healing. And so it's really in my, what
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: I've just learned through my profession is that healing isn't linear,
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: is very messy. You may have three great days and
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: then all of a sudden you are knocked down and
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: you're like, oh my gosh, now I'm back to what
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: I feel like is the beginning. And so it's really
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: not based on our feelings because our feelings, they change.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: our feelings change. I think also professionally is that we
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: feel that we are just alone and that we're the
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: only ones that are going through things. And again, those
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: are lies of the devil because he wants us to
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: isolate when we go through these hard things so that
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: we can partner with what he says. Like life will
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: never get better. God doesn't love you. And so that's
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: so important of why we have wise, good, godly community.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: So I think that that those are that's really why
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: I decided to write my book, because it was a
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: really tough decision. Being a therapist, we're used to holding
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: people's stories. We don't tell our stories.
• 32:55
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: But I wanted to, it's not dropping the mask. I
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: wanted to pull back the curtain and say, yeah, we
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: all go through hard things and give the hope that said,
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: you know what? If I can heal, you can heal too.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: What response do you have for people who ask, why
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: does God allow bad things to happen? Or even where
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: is God when bad things happen?
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. You know, I think that the why does
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: God allow things to happen? First of all, I don't
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: think any of us are ever going to have the
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: one answer to that because God's thoughts are higher than ours.
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: His ways are higher than ours. I do know that
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: God gave humankind. He gave us free will. And in
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: my instance, my ex-husband had free will. But you know what?
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: Where was God? Man, God was there in that voice
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: that whispered to me at night, hey, get up and
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: lock your bedroom door. Because I really believe had I
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: not locked my bedroom door, I really believe I would
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: have been killed. God shows up, maybe not in the
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: ways we expect him to, but God shows up in
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: other people. He shows up in favor. He shows up.
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: So it's really taking our expectations, saying, God, you didn't
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: show up. And instead saying, God, can you show me
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: where you were? In fact, I recently, my doctor, she retired.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: And I told her, I said, listen, I just want
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: you to know something. In those early days, you were
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: Jesus with skin on for me. You made me feel safe.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: Where was Jesus in all this? You know what? He
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: was there in the hands of my doctor. He was
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: in my friends that made me meals. He gave me
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: favor at work. So God is there. We just may
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: not see it.
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: And you have used your experience correctly. so beautifully to
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: encourage others. What would you say to someone who feels
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: like their story is too broken for God to redeem?
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love to tell people that God is in
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: the restoration business. There is no story. That is too
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: far gone. There is nothing he cannot redeem because that's
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: what God's specialty is, is bringing beauty from ashes. And
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: I think of, in my particular story, it sounded like
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: Cinderella in the beginning, but then it felt like Humpty
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: Dumpty because it's like, I fell off the wall and
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: put me back together again. But then I ran to
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: the king of kings. And when we run to... the Lord.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: When we run to him, not away from him, there is,
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: I just say, just wait and watch and see what
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: God can do because what he does for one, he
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: will do for everyone.
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: As we are wrapping up this episode, if a listener
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: or viewer is resonating with our conversation today in some way,
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: what hope-filled perspective do you want to leave them with?
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: I think that, in fact, my counseling office is called
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: There's Hope. I think that First of all, in hope,
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: hope is what connects our faith. And in hope, it's
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: like whether it is looking at someone that's gone before us,
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: whether it's like get a scripture to hold on to.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: Talk to somebody that's been a little bit farther down
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: the road than you. And just because you don't see
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: it doesn't mean it can't happen. And so holding on
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: to God is the author of hope, and he's not
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: going to let you down.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: Friends, I hope you hear that. You may not be
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: going through a situation like Kimberly's, and we hope you don't.
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: But as she mentioned, and as I've talked about so
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: often on this podcast, Scripture does tell us we will
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: go through trials and trouble. But what she's telling us,
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: reminding us, is the truth that when we go through
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: those valleys, those troubling waters, we don't go through them alone. Kimberly,
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: I think I prayed before you and I started this
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: recording that I'm not thankful that you went through such
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: a traumatic experience, but I am grateful and thankful that
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: God saw you through, that he's brought healing, and as
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: a result, you're encouraging others. So thank you for being
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: on the podcast, for sharing so vulnerably, for writing your book.
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: And friends, we'll put the information about... Kimberly and her
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: book in our show notes that you can find at drmichelleb.com. Friends,
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: I hope that there was something in today's episode that
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: encouraged you, that inspired you, that perhaps has motivated you
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: to look in a different lens at your current situation.
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: Or maybe you have a friend who's going through a
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: particularly difficult time right now. If so, would you consider
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: sharing this episode for them to have a biblically-based hope
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: filled perspective and to find some hope in how Kimberly
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: has healed from such a difficult trial. It's been a
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: pleasure to be with you, Kimberly, and to be with you, friends.
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: I look forward to being with you again next week
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: for another episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective. But in the meantime,
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: you know it's my prayer for you that you have
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: a hope-filled week.
• 37:59
  Speaker 5: Your ragged and torn past may be the key to
• 38:03
  Speaker 5: God's future for you. We all endure trials, pain, and
• 38:09
  Speaker 5: hardship in this life. Too often we believe these experiences
• 38:14
  Speaker 5: disqualify us from being useful to God. But the truth is,
• 38:19
  Speaker 5: your past pain and brokenness serve as preparation for what
• 38:25
  Speaker 5: God wants to do in and through you. if you
• 38:30
  Speaker 5: will surrender to and trust him. In Sacred Scars, neuropsychologist
• 38:36
  Speaker 5: and fellow sufferer, Dr. Michelle Bankson helps you understand the
• 38:42
  Speaker 5: suffering from a biblical perspective, discover how the trials of
• 38:46
  Speaker 5: your life serve a purpose, reflect on the healing that
• 38:50
  Speaker 5: God has accomplished, and comfort others with the comfort God
• 38:54
  Speaker 5: has given you. Just as Jesus' scars didn't disappear after
• 39:00
  Speaker 5: his resurrection and confirmed that he was who he said
• 39:04
  Speaker 5: he was and that he did what he said he'd do,
• 39:08
  Speaker 5: our emotional or physical scars tell our story and lend
• 39:13
  Speaker 5: credence to our testimony of God's love and power. If
• 39:18
  Speaker 5: you are ready to turn your past pain into present
• 39:22
  Speaker 5: comfort and future hope, let Dr. Bankson be your compassionate guide.
• 39:28
  Speaker 5: Jill Savage, host of the No More Perfect podcast and
• 39:32
  Speaker 5: author of No More Perfect Marriages, had this to say
• 39:37
  Speaker 5: about sacred scars. While we wish for a pain-free life,
• 39:42
  Speaker 5: the dark seasons are where God invites us into the
• 39:45
  Speaker 5: most growth. In the pages of this book, you will
• 39:49
  Speaker 5: come to understand how God uses pain in powerful ways.
• 39:53
  Speaker 5: If you're human, you need this book. Pick up a
• 39:57
  Speaker 5: copy of Sacred Scars wherever books are sold and watch
• 40:02
  Speaker 5: God turn your pain into purpose.
• 40:09
  Speaker 4: Thank you for joining Dr. Bankston for your hope-filled perspective.
• 40:13
  Speaker 4: We hope you were encouraged by her authenticity, vulnerability, and
• 40:17
  Speaker 4: and biblical truths. If you enjoyed today's conversation, why don't
• 40:21
  Speaker 4: you take a moment right now, open up your podcast app,
• 40:25
  Speaker 4: and look for the subscribe button right next to our
• 40:27
  Speaker 4: podcast profile image. We think this podcast is best enjoyed
• 40:31
  Speaker 4: with friends, so tell a friend and click share in
• 40:33
  Speaker 4: your podcast app and send a friend our link to
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: share hope with them. If you have a comment, question,
• 40:39
  Speaker 4: or suggest a topic for a future show, reach out
• 40:42
  Speaker 4: to our staff at info at hopeprevails.org. For additional resources,
• 40:47
  Speaker 4: information about Dr. Bankson's books or free downloads, or to
• 40:51
  Speaker 4: contact her to speak at your next event, please visit drmichelleb.com.
• 40:57
  Speaker 4: Until next time, may you have a hope-filled week.
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: I'd like to take just a second to thank the
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: team at Life Audio for their partnership with us on
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: this podcast. If you go to lifeaudio.com, you'll find dozens
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: of other faith-centered podcasts in their network. They've got shows
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: about prayer, Bible study, parenting, and more.