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24 - Gadfly by Ethel Lilian Voynich · Gadfly

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Speaker 1: Lillian Voyage, Part three, Chapter six. Hearing the cell door unlocked,
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Speaker 1: the gap Pli turned away his eyes with languid indifference.
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Speaker 1: He supposed that it was only the governor coming to
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Speaker 1: worry him with another interrogation. Several soldiers mounted the narrow stair,
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Speaker 1: their carbines clanking against the wall. Then a defferential voice said,
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Speaker 1: it is rather steep here, your Eminence. He started convulsively,
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Speaker 1: and then shrank down, catching his breath under the stinging
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Speaker 1: pressure of the straps. Montanelli came in with the sergeant
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Speaker 1: and three guards. If your Eminence will kindly wait a moment,
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Speaker 1: the sergeant began nervously. One of my men will bring
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Speaker 1: a chair. He has just not to fetch it. Your
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Speaker 1: Eminence will excuse us. If we had been expecting you,
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Speaker 1: we should have been prepared. There is no need for
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Speaker 1: any preparation. Will you kindly leave us alone, sergeant and
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Speaker 1: wait at the foot of the stairs with your men. Yes,
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Speaker 1: your Eminence, here's the chair. Shall I put it beside him?
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Speaker 1: The gadla I was lying with closed eyes, but he
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Speaker 1: felt that Montenelli was looking at him. I think he
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Speaker 1: is asleep, your Eminence. The sergeant was beginning but the
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Speaker 1: gadfly opened his eyes. No, he said. As the soldiers
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Speaker 1: were leaving the cell, they were stopped by a sudden
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Speaker 1: exclamation from Montenelli, and turning back, saw that he was
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Speaker 1: bending down to examine the straps. Who has been doing this?
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Speaker 1: He asked. The sergeant fumbled with his cap. It was
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Speaker 1: by the governor's express orders, your Eminence, I had no
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Speaker 1: idea of this, Signor Rivarez, Montenelli said, in a voice
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Speaker 1: of great distress. I told, your Eminence. The gadfly answered,
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Speaker 1: with his hard smile that I never expected to be
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Speaker 1: patted on the head. Sergeant, how long has this been
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Speaker 1: going on since he tried to escape, your Eminence? That
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Speaker 1: is nearly a week. Bring a knife and cut these
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Speaker 1: off at once, may it please your Eminence? The doctor
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Speaker 1: wanted to take them off, but Colonel Ferrari wouldn't allow it.
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Speaker 1: Bring a knife at once. Montenelli had not raised his
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Speaker 1: voice that the soldiers could see that he was white
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Speaker 1: with anger. The sergeant took a clasp knife from his
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Speaker 1: pocket and bent down to cut the arm strap. He
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Speaker 1: was not a skillful fingered man, and he jerked the
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Speaker 1: strap tighter with an awkward movements that the gadfly winced
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Speaker 1: and bit his lip. In spite of all his self control.
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Speaker 1: Montenelli came forward at once. You don't know how to
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Speaker 1: do it, Give me the knife. Ah. A gadfly stretched
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Speaker 1: out his arms with a long, rapturous sigh as the
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Speaker 1: strap fell off. The next instant, Montenelli had cut the
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Speaker 1: other one, which bound his ankles. Take off the irons, too, sergeant,
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Speaker 1: and then come here. I want to speak to you.
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Speaker 1: He stood by the window, looking on till the sergeant
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Speaker 1: threw down the fetters and approached him. Now, he said,
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Speaker 1: tell me everything that has been happening. The sergeant nothing,
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Speaker 1: both related all that he knew of the gadfly's illness,
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Speaker 1: of the disciplinary measures, and of the doctor's unsuccessful attempt
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Speaker 1: into fear. But I think your evidence. He added that
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Speaker 1: the colonel wanted the straps kept on as a means
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Speaker 1: of getting evidence. Evidence. Yes, your eminence. The day before
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Speaker 1: yesterday heard him offer to have them taken off if he,
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Speaker 1: with a glance at the gadfly, would answer a question
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Speaker 1: he had asked. Montenelli clenched his hand on the window sill,
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Speaker 1: and the soldiers glanced at one another. He had never
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Speaker 1: seen the gentle cardinal angry before. As for the gad fly,
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Speaker 1: he had forgotten their existence. He had forgotten everything except
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Speaker 1: the physical sensation of freedom. He was cramped in every limb,
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Speaker 1: and now stretched and turned and twisted about in a
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Speaker 1: positive ecstasy of relief. You can go now, sergeant, the
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Speaker 1: Cardinal said. You need not feel anxious about having committed
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Speaker 1: a breach of discipline. It was your duty to tell
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Speaker 1: me when I asked. You see that no one disturbs us.
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Speaker 1: I will come out when I am ready. When the
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Speaker 1: door closed behind the soldiers, he leaned on the window
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Speaker 1: sill and looked for a while at the sinking sun,
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Speaker 1: so as to leave the gad fly a little more
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Speaker 1: breathing time. I have heard, he said, presently leaning the
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Speaker 1: window and sitting down beside the pallet, that you wished
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Speaker 1: to speak to me alone, If you feel well enough
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Speaker 1: to tell me what you wanted to say, I am
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Speaker 1: at your service. He spoke very coldly, with a stiff
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Speaker 1: and curious manner that was not natural to him. Until
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Speaker 1: the straps were off. The gadfly was to him simply
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Speaker 1: and grievously wronged and tortured human being. Now he recalled
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Speaker 1: their last interview and the deadly insult with which it closed.
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Speaker 1: The gadfly looked up, resting his head lazily on one arm.
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Speaker 1: He possessed the gift of slipping into graceful latitudes, and
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Speaker 1: when his face was in shadow, no one would have
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Speaker 1: guessed through what deep waters he had been passing. But
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Speaker 1: as he looked up, the clear evening light showed how
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Speaker 1: haggard and colorless he was, and how plainly the trace
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Speaker 1: of the last few days was stamped on him. Montanelli's
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Speaker 1: anger died away. I am afraid you have been terribly ill,
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Speaker 1: he said. I am sincerely sorry that I did not
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Speaker 1: know of all this. I would have put a stop
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Speaker 1: to it before the gapply shrugged his shoulders. All's fair
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Speaker 1: and more, he said coolly. Your eminence subjects to straps
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Speaker 1: theoretically from the Christian standpoint, but at it's hardly fair
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Speaker 1: to expect the colonel to see that he no doubt
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Speaker 1: would prefer not to try them on his own skin,
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Speaker 1: which is just my case, But that is a matter
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Speaker 1: of personal convenience At this moment, I am undermost who
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Speaker 1: would you have? It is very kind of your eminence, though,
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Speaker 1: to call here, But perhaps that was done from the
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Speaker 1: Christian standpoint too, visiting prisoners. Ah, yes, I forgot, inasmuch
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Speaker 1: as you did it onto one of the least of these.
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Speaker 1: It's not very complimentary, But what of the least is
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Speaker 1: duly grateful? Signoravarrees, the cardinal interrupted. I have come here
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Speaker 1: on your account, not on my own. If you had
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Speaker 1: not been undermost, as you call it, I should never
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Speaker 1: have spoken to you again after what you said to
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Speaker 1: me last week. But you have the double privilege of
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Speaker 1: a prisoner and a sick man, and I could not
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Speaker 1: refuse to come. Have you anything to say to me
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Speaker 1: now I am here, or have you said for me
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Speaker 1: merely to amuse yourself by insulting an old man? There
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Speaker 1: was no answer. The gapp I had turned away and
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Speaker 1: was lying with one hand across his eyes. I am
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Speaker 1: very sorry you trouble you, he said at last, huskily.
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Speaker 1: But could I have a little water? There was a
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Speaker 1: jug of water standing by the window, and Montenelli rose
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Speaker 1: and fetched it. As he slipped his arm round the
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Speaker 1: gadfly to lift him, he suddenly felt the damp, cold
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Speaker 1: fingers close over his wrists like a vice. Give me
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Speaker 1: your hand quick, just a moment, the gadfly whispered, Oh,
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Speaker 1: what difference does it make to you? Only one minute?
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Speaker 1: He sank down, hiding his face on Montenelli's arm and
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Speaker 1: quivering from head to foot. Drink a little water, Montonelli said.
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Speaker 1: After a moment. The gadfly obeyed silently, then lay back
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Speaker 1: on the pallet with closed eyes. He himself could have
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Speaker 1: given no explanation of what had happened to him when
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Speaker 1: Montenelli's hand had touched his cheek. He only knew that
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Speaker 1: in all his life there had been nothing more terrible.
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Speaker 1: Montonelli drew his chair closer to the pallette and sat down.
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Speaker 1: The gadfly was lying quite motionless, like a corpse, and
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Speaker 1: his face was livid and drawn. After a long silence,
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Speaker 1: he opened his eyes and fixed their haunting spectral gaze
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Speaker 1: on the cardinal. Thank you, he said, I am sorry.
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Speaker 1: I think you ask me something. You are not fit
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Speaker 1: to talk. If there is anything you want to say
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Speaker 1: to me, I will try to come again tomorrow. Please
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Speaker 1: don't go here, Eminence. Indeed, there is nothing the matter
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Speaker 1: with me. I've been a little upset these few days.
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Speaker 1: It was half of it lingering, though the Colonel will
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Speaker 1: tell you, so if you ask him, I prefer to
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Speaker 1: form my own conclusions. Montanali answered quietly, so does the colonel.
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Speaker 1: And occasionally, do you know, they are rather witty. You
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Speaker 1: wouldn't think it to look at him. But sometimes he
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Speaker 1: gets hold of an original idea. On Friday night, for instance,
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Speaker 1: I think it was Friday, but I got a little
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Speaker 1: mixed as to time towards the end. Anyhow, for Dosvopium,
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Speaker 1: I remember that quite distinctly. And he came in here
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Speaker 1: and I said, I might have it if I would
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Speaker 1: tell him who unlocked the gate. I remember that quite distinctly.
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Speaker 1: And he came in here and said, I might have
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Speaker 1: it if I would tell him who unlocked the gate.
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Speaker 1: I remember his saying, if it's real, you'll consent. If
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Speaker 1: you don't, I shall look upon it as a proof
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Speaker 1: that you are shamming. It never occurred to me before,
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Speaker 1: how comic that is. It's one of the funniest things.
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Speaker 1: He burst into a sudden fit of harsh, discordant laughter,
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Speaker 1: then turning sharply on the silent Cardinal went on more
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Speaker 1: and more hurriedly and stammering, so that the words were
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Speaker 1: hardly intelligible. You don't see that it's funny, of course not.
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Speaker 1: You religious people never have any sense of humor. You
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Speaker 1: take everything tragically. For instance, that night in the cathedral,
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Speaker 1: how solemn you were. By the way, what a pathetic
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Speaker 1: figure I must have cut as the pilgrim. I don't
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Speaker 1: believe you even see anything comic in the business you
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Speaker 1: have come about this evening, Montanelli rose, I came to
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Speaker 1: hear what you have to say, but I think you
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Speaker 1: are too much excited to say it tonight. The doctor
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Speaker 1: had better give you a sedative and we will talk
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Speaker 1: tomorrow when you have had a night's sleep. Sleep, Oh,
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Speaker 1: I shall sleep well enough. Your eminence when you give
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Speaker 1: your sent to the Colonel's plan, and that's what is
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Speaker 1: a splendid sedative. I don't understand you, Montanelli said, turning
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Speaker 1: to him with a startled look. The gadfly burst out
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Speaker 1: laughing again. Your eminence, your eminence, truth is the chief
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Speaker 1: of the Christian virtues. Did do you think? I don't
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Speaker 1: know how hard the governor has been trying to get
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Speaker 1: your consent to a court martial. You have been better
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Speaker 1: by half. Give it, your eminence. It's only what all
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Speaker 1: your brother prelays would do in your place, COSI faduti,
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Speaker 1: and then you would be doing such a lot of
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Speaker 1: gud and so little harm. Really, it's not worth all
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Speaker 1: the sleepless nights you have been spending over it. Please
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Speaker 1: stop laughing a minute, Montanelli interrupted, and tell me how
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Speaker 1: you heard all this? Who has been talking to you
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Speaker 1: about it? Hasn't the Colonel ever told you I'm a devil,
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Speaker 1: not a man. No, he has told me so often. Well,
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Speaker 1: I am devil enough to find out a little bit.
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Speaker 1: What people are thinking about your eminence is thinking that
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Speaker 1: I'm a confounded nuisance, and you wish somebody else had
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Speaker 1: to settle what's to be done with me without disturbing
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Speaker 1: your sensitive conscience. That's a pretty fair guess, isn't it.
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Speaker 1: Listen to me, the cardinal said, sitting down again beside
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Speaker 1: him with a very grave face. However you found out
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Speaker 1: all this, It is quite true, Colonel Ferrari fears another
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Speaker 1: rescue attempt on the part of your friends and wishes
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Speaker 1: to forestall it in the way you speak of you. See,
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Speaker 1: I am quite frank with you. Your eminence was always
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Speaker 1: famous for truthfulness. The gadfly put in bitterly. You know,
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Speaker 1: of course, Montanelli went on that legally I have no
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Speaker 1: jurisdiction in temporal matters. I am a bishop, not a legate,
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Speaker 1: but I have a good deal of influence in this district,
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Speaker 1: and the Colonel will not, I think, venture to take
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Speaker 1: so extream a course unless he can get at least
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Speaker 1: my tacit consent to it. Up till now, I have
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Speaker 1: unconditionally opposed the scheme, and he has been trying very
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Speaker 1: hard to conquer my objection by assuring me that there
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Speaker 1: is great danger of an armed attempt on Thursday when
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Speaker 1: the crowd collects for the procession, an attent which probably
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Speaker 1: would end in bloodshed. Do you follow me? The gadfly
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Speaker 1: was staring absently out of the window. He looked round
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Speaker 1: and answered in a weary voice, yes, I am listening.
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Speaker 1: Perhaps you are really not well enough to stand this
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Speaker 1: conversation to night. Shall I come back in the morning.
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Speaker 1: It is a very serious matter, and I want your
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Speaker 1: whole attention. I would rather get it over now. The
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Speaker 1: gadfly answered in the same tone. I follow everything you
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Speaker 1: say now if it be true. Montenelli went on that
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Speaker 1: there is any real danger of riots and bloodshed on
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Speaker 1: account of you, I am taking upon myself a tremendous
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Speaker 1: responsibility in opposing the colonel, and I believe there is
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Speaker 1: at least some truth in what he says. On the
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Speaker 1: other hand, I am inclined to think that his judgment
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Speaker 1: is warped to a certain extent by his personal animosity
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Speaker 1: against you, and that he probably exaggerates the danger That
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Speaker 1: seems to be the more likely since I have seen
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Speaker 1: this shameful brutality. He glanced at the straps and chains
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Speaker 1: lying on the floor and went on, If I consent,
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Speaker 1: I kill you. If I refuse, I run the risk
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Speaker 1: of killing innocent persons. I have considered the matter earnestly
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Speaker 1: and have supt with all my heart for a way
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Speaker 1: out of this dreadful alternative, and now, at last I
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Speaker 1: have made up my mind to kill me and save
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Speaker 1: the innocent persons. Of course, the only decision a Christian
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Speaker 1: man could possibly come to. If thy right hand offend me,
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Speaker 1: et cetera, I have not the honor to be the
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Speaker 1: right hand of your eminence, and I have offended you.
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Speaker 1: The conclusion is plain. Couldn't you tell me that without
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Speaker 1: so much preamble? The Gadflie spoke with languid indifference, and contempt,
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Speaker 1: like a man weary of the whole subject. Well, he added,
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Speaker 1: after a little pause, was that the decision your eminence? No,
13:17
Speaker 1: the gadflies shifted his position, putting both hands behind his head,
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Speaker 1: and looked at Montenelli with half shut eyes. The Cardinal,
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Speaker 1: with his head sunk down as in deep thought, was
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Speaker 1: softly beating one hand on the arm of his chair. Ah,
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Speaker 1: that old familiar gesture. I have decided, he said, raising
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Speaker 1: his head at last, to do I suppose an utterly
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Speaker 1: unprecedented thing. When I heard that you had asked to
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Speaker 1: see me, I resolved to come here and tell you
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Speaker 1: everything as I have done, and to place the matter
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Speaker 1: in your own hands. In my hands, Signoravarre's, I have
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Speaker 1: not come to you as cardinal, or as bishop, or
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Speaker 1: as judge. I have come to you as one man
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Speaker 1: to another. I do not ask you to tell me
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Speaker 1: whether you know of any such scheme, as the Colonel oprhends.
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Speaker 1: I understand quite well that if you do, it is
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Speaker 1: your secret, and you will not tell it. But I
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Speaker 1: do ask you to put yourself in my place. I
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Speaker 1: am old, and no doubt have not much longer to live.
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Speaker 1: I would go down to my grave without blood on
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Speaker 1: my hands, is there none on them as yet, Your eminence.
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Speaker 1: Montonelli grew a shade paler, but went on quietly. All
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Speaker 1: my life I have opposed repressive measures and cruelty wherever
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Speaker 1: I have met with them. I have always disapproved of
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Speaker 1: capital punishment, Gnolly's forms. I have protested earnestly and repeatedly
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Speaker 1: against the military commissions in the last reign, and have
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Speaker 1: been out of favor on account of doing so. Up
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Speaker 1: till now, such influence and power as I have possessed
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Speaker 1: have always been employed on the side of mercy. I
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Speaker 1: ask you to believe me, at least that I am
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Speaker 1: speaking the truth. Now I am placed in this dilemma.
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Speaker 1: By refusing, I am exposing the town of the danger
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Speaker 1: of riots in all their consequences. And this to save
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Speaker 1: the life of a man blasphemes against my religion, who
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Speaker 1: has slandered and wronged and insulted me personally, though that
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Speaker 1: is comparatively a trifle, and who, as I firmly believe,
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Speaker 1: will put that life to a bad use when it
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Speaker 1: is given to him. But it is to save a
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Speaker 1: man's life. He paused a moment and went on again. Senoravarrees,
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Speaker 1: everything that I know of your career seems to me
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Speaker 1: bad and mischievous, and I have long believed you to
15:25
Speaker 1: be reckless and violent and unscrupulous to some extent. I
15:28
Speaker 1: hold that opinion of you still. During this last fortnight,
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Speaker 1: you have shown me that you are a brave man
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Speaker 1: and that you can be faithful to your friends. You
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Speaker 1: have made the soldier's love and admire you too, and
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Speaker 1: not every man could have done that. I think that
15:42
Speaker 1: perhaps I have misjudged you, and that there is in
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Speaker 1: you something better than what you show outside. To that
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Speaker 1: better self in you, I appeal and solemnly entreat you
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Speaker 1: on your conscience to tell me truthfully in my place,
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Speaker 1: what would you do? A long silence followed. Then the
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Speaker 1: gadfly looked up. At least I would decide my own
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Speaker 1: actions for myself and take the consequences of them. I
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Speaker 1: would not come sneaking to other people in the cowardly
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Speaker 1: Christian way, asking them to solve my problems for me.
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Speaker 1: The onslaught was so sudden, and his extraordinary vehemence and
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Speaker 1: passion were in such startling contrast to the languid affectation
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Speaker 1: of a moment before that it was as though he
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Speaker 1: had thrown off a mask. We atheists, he went on, fiercely,
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Speaker 1: understand that if a man has a thing to bear,
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Speaker 1: he must bear it as best he can. If he
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Speaker 1: sinks under it, why so much the worse for him.
16:34
Speaker 1: But a Christian comes whining to his God or his saints,
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Speaker 1: or if they won't help him, to his enemies, he
16:41
Speaker 1: can always find a back to shift his burdens on too.
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Speaker 1: Isn't there a rule to go by in your Bible
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Speaker 1: or your missile or any of your canning theology books
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Speaker 1: that you must come to me to tell you what
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Speaker 1: to do? Heavens and earth, man, haven't I enough as
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Speaker 1: it is without your laying your responsibilities on my shoulders?
16:59
Speaker 1: Go back to your Jesus. He exacted the uttermost farthing,
17:02
Speaker 1: and you'd better do the same. After all, he'll only
17:05
Speaker 1: be killing an atheist, a man who boggles over shibboleth,
17:09
Speaker 1: and that's no great crime. Surely he broke off, panting
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Speaker 1: for breath, and then burst out again. And you to
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Speaker 1: talk of cruelty, Why that putting headed ass couldn't hurt
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Speaker 1: me as much as you do. If he tried for
17:23
Speaker 1: a year, he hasn't got the brains. All he can
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Speaker 1: think of is to pull a strap tight, and when
17:28
Speaker 1: he can't get in any tighter, he's at the end
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Speaker 1: of his resources. Any fool can do that, But you
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Speaker 1: sign your own death sentence. Please, I'm too tender hearted
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Speaker 1: to do it myself. Oh, it would take a Christian
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Speaker 1: to hit on that, A gentle, compassionate Christian that turns
17:45
Speaker 1: pale at the sight of a strap pull too tight.
17:48
Speaker 1: I might have known when you came in like an
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Speaker 1: angel of mercy, so shocked at the colonel's barbarity, that
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Speaker 1: the real thing was going to begin. Why do you
17:58
Speaker 1: look at me that way? Man, of course, and go
18:01
Speaker 1: home to your dinner. The thing's not worth all this fuss.
18:05
Speaker 1: Tell your colonel he cann't cab me shot or hanged
18:08
Speaker 1: or whatever comes handiest roasted alive if it's any amusement
18:12
Speaker 1: to him, and be done with it. The Gadblie was
18:15
Speaker 1: hardly recognizable. He was beside himself with rage and desperation,
18:19
Speaker 1: panting and quivering, his eyes glittering with green reflections like
18:22
Speaker 1: the eyes of an angry cat. Montanelli had risen and
18:26
Speaker 1: was looking down at him silently. He did not understand
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Speaker 1: the drift of the frenzied reproaches, but he understood out
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Speaker 1: of what extremity they were uttered, and understanding that forgave
18:35
Speaker 1: all past insults hush, he said. I did not want
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Speaker 1: to hurt you, so indeed, I never meant to shift
18:42
Speaker 1: my burden on to you, who have too much already.
18:46
Speaker 1: I have never consciously done that to any living creature.
18:48
Speaker 1: It's a lie. The GADFLI cried out, with blazing eyes,
18:52
Speaker 1: and the bish Forarric, the bishharric Ah, you've forgotten that.
18:58
Speaker 1: It's so easy to forget if you wish it, Arthur,
19:01
Speaker 1: I will say, I cannot go. I was to decide
19:04
Speaker 1: your life for you, I at nineteen. If it weren't
19:07
Speaker 1: so hideous, it would be funny. Stop. Montenelli put up
19:12
Speaker 1: both hands to his head with a desperate cry. He
19:15
Speaker 1: let them fall again and walked slowly away at the window.
19:18
Speaker 1: There he sat down on the sill, resting one arm
19:21
Speaker 1: on the bars and pressing his forehead against it. The
19:23
Speaker 1: Caadpelli lay and watched him trembling. Presently, Montenelli rose and
19:28
Speaker 1: came back with lips as pale as ashes. I am
19:32
Speaker 1: very sorry, he said, struggling piteously to keep up his
19:35
Speaker 1: usual quiet manner. But I must go home. I am
19:40
Speaker 1: not quite well. He was shivering, as if with egg
19:44
Speaker 1: all the Gadfli's fury broke down. Padre, can't you see?
19:50
Speaker 1: Montonelli shrank away and stood still, only not that, he whispered,
19:55
Speaker 1: at last, my god, anything but that if I am
19:59
Speaker 1: going mad? The gadfly raised himself on one arm and
20:02
Speaker 1: took the shaking hands in his padre. Will you never
20:06
Speaker 1: understand that I am not really drowned? The hands grew
20:10
Speaker 1: suddenly cold and stiff. For a moment, everything was dead
20:13
Speaker 1: with silence, And then Montenelli knelt down and hid his
20:17
Speaker 1: face on the gadfly's breast. When he raised his head,
20:21
Speaker 1: the sun had set and the red glow was dying
20:23
Speaker 1: in the west. They had forgotten time and place, and
20:27
Speaker 1: life and death. They had forgotten even that they were enemies.
20:31
Speaker 1: Arthur Montenelli whispered, are you real? Have you come back
20:36
Speaker 1: to me from the dead? From the dead, the gadfly repeated, shivering.
20:41
Speaker 1: He was lying with his head on Montenelli's arm, as
20:44
Speaker 1: the sick child might lie in its mother's embrace. You
20:48
Speaker 1: have come back, You have come back at last, The
20:52
Speaker 1: gadfly sighed heavily. Yes, he said, and you have to
20:56
Speaker 1: fight me or to kill me. Oh, hush, I know
21:00
Speaker 1: what is all that. Now we have been like two
21:03
Speaker 1: children lost in the dark, mistaking one another for phantoms.
21:07
Speaker 1: Now we have found each other to have come out
21:09
Speaker 1: into the light. My poor boy, how changed you are?
21:13
Speaker 1: How changed you are? You look as if all the
21:16
Speaker 1: ocean of the world's misery had passed over your head.
21:19
Speaker 1: You that used to be so full of the joy
21:20
Speaker 1: of life, Arthur, is it really you? I have dreamed
21:24
Speaker 1: so often that you had come back to me, and
21:27
Speaker 1: then have waked and seen the outer darkness staring in
21:29
Speaker 1: upon an empty place. How can I know I shall
21:32
Speaker 1: not wake again and find it all a dream? Give
21:35
Speaker 1: me something tangible, Tell me how it all happened. It
21:39
Speaker 1: happened simply enough. I hit on a goods vessel, a
21:43
Speaker 1: stow away, and got out to South America, and there
21:48
Speaker 1: there I lived, if you like to call it so
21:51
Speaker 1: till oh, I have seen something else besides theological seminaries.
21:55
Speaker 1: Since you used to teach me philosophy. You say you
21:59
Speaker 1: have dreamed of me, yes, said much. You say you
22:02
Speaker 1: have dreaven of me, yes, and I of you. He
22:06
Speaker 1: broke off, shuddering. Once he began again abruptly. I was
22:11
Speaker 1: working at a mine an Ecuador, not as a miner, no,
22:15
Speaker 1: as a miner's fag odd jobbing with the coolies. We
22:19
Speaker 1: had a barrack to sleep in at the pit's mouth.
22:21
Speaker 1: And one night I had been ill, the same as lately,
22:25
Speaker 1: and carrying stones in the blazing sun. I must have
22:28
Speaker 1: got light headed, for I saw you come in at
22:30
Speaker 1: the doorway. You were holding a crucifix like that one
22:33
Speaker 1: on the wall you were praying, and brushed past me
22:36
Speaker 1: without turning. I cried out to you to help me,
22:39
Speaker 1: to give me poison or a knife, something, to put
22:41
Speaker 1: an end to it all before I went mad, and
22:44
Speaker 1: you ah. He drew one hand across his eyes Montonelli
22:49
Speaker 1: was still clasping the other. I saw in your face
22:53
Speaker 1: that you had heard, but you never looked round. You
22:56
Speaker 1: went on with your prayers. When you had finished and
22:58
Speaker 1: kissed the crucifix, you glanced round and whispered, I am
23:02
Speaker 1: very sorry for you, Arthur, but I daren't show it.
23:04
Speaker 1: He would be angry. And I looked at him, and
23:08
Speaker 1: the wooden image was laughing. Then when I came to
23:11
Speaker 1: my senses and saw the arric and the houlies with
23:13
Speaker 1: their leprosy, I understood. I saw that you care more
23:17
Speaker 1: to curry favor with that devilish God of yours than
23:20
Speaker 1: to save me from any hell. And I have remembered
23:24
Speaker 1: that I forgot just now when you touched me. I
23:28
Speaker 1: have been ill, and I used to love you once.
23:31
Speaker 1: But there can be nothing between us but war and
23:34
Speaker 1: war and war. What do you want to hold my
23:37
Speaker 1: hand for? Yet? You see that while you believe in
23:40
Speaker 1: your Jesus, we can't be anything but enemies. Montenelli bent
23:44
Speaker 1: his head and kissed the mutilated hand. Arthur, How can
23:48
Speaker 1: I help believing in him? If I have kept my
23:51
Speaker 1: faith through all these frightful years, how can I ever
23:54
Speaker 1: doubt him any more? Now that he has given you
23:56
Speaker 1: back to me. Remember I thought I had killed you.
24:00
Speaker 1: You have that still to do, Arthur. It was a
24:04
Speaker 1: cry of actual terror, but the gadfly went on unheeding.
24:08
Speaker 1: Let us be honest whatever we do, and not shilly shallly.
24:12
Speaker 1: You and I stand on two sides of a pit,
24:14
Speaker 1: and it's hopeless trying to join hands across it. If
24:17
Speaker 1: you have decided you can't or won't give up that thing.
24:21
Speaker 1: He glanced again at the crucifix on the wall. You
24:24
Speaker 1: must consent to what the colonel consent. My God consent, Arthur.
24:30
Speaker 1: But I love you. The gadfly's face contracted fearfully. Which
24:36
Speaker 1: do you love best? Me? Or that thing? Montelli slowly rose,
24:42
Speaker 1: the very sullen him, withered with dread, and he seemed
24:44
Speaker 1: to shrivel up bodily, and to grow feeble and old
24:48
Speaker 1: and wilted, like a leaf that the frost had touched.
24:51
Speaker 1: He had awaked out of his dream, and the outer
24:53
Speaker 1: darkness was staring in upon an empty place. Arthur, have
24:58
Speaker 1: just a little mercy on me. How much had you
25:02
Speaker 1: for me when your lies drove me out to be
25:04
Speaker 1: slaved to the blacks on the sugar plantations. You shudder
25:07
Speaker 1: at that ah, these tender hearted saints, this is the
25:11
Speaker 1: man after God's own heart, the man that repents of
25:14
Speaker 1: his sin and lives. No one dies but his son.
25:17
Speaker 1: You say you love me, Your love has cost me
25:20
Speaker 1: dear enough. Do you think I can blot out everything
25:23
Speaker 1: and turn back into Arthur? At a few soft words
25:26
Speaker 1: I that have been dishwasher and filthy, half cased brothels
25:30
Speaker 1: and stable boy to creole farmers that were worse brutes
25:34
Speaker 1: than their own cattle. I that have been zany in
25:37
Speaker 1: cap and bells for a strolling variety show, drudge and
25:41
Speaker 1: jack of all trades to the matadors in the bull
25:43
Speaker 1: fighting ring. I that have been slaved every black beast
25:47
Speaker 1: who cared to set his foot on my neck. I
25:50
Speaker 1: that have been starved and spat upon and trampled under foot,
25:54
Speaker 1: I that have begged for moldy scraps and been refused
25:57
Speaker 1: because the dogs had the first right. What is the
26:00
Speaker 1: use of all this? How can I tell you what
26:03
Speaker 1: you have brought on me? And now you love me?
26:07
Speaker 1: How much do you love me enough to give up
26:09
Speaker 1: your God for me? Oh? What has he done for you,
26:12
Speaker 1: this everlasting Jesus? What has he suffered for you that
26:17
Speaker 1: you should love him more than me? Is it for
26:19
Speaker 1: the pierced hands? He is so dear to you, Look
26:22
Speaker 1: at mine? Look here, and here and here He tore
26:26
Speaker 1: open his shirt and showed the ghastly scars, Padre. This
26:30
Speaker 1: god of yours is an impostor. His wounds are sham wounds.
26:34
Speaker 1: His pain is all a farce. It is I that
26:38
Speaker 1: have the right to your heart, Padre. There is no
26:41
Speaker 1: torture you have not put me to. If you could
26:44
Speaker 1: only know what my life has been. And yet I
26:46
Speaker 1: would not die. I have inured it all, and have
26:49
Speaker 1: possessed my soul and patience because I would come back
26:52
Speaker 1: and fight this god of yours. I have held this
26:54
Speaker 1: purpose as a shield against my heart, and it has
26:57
Speaker 1: saved me from madness and from the second death. And
27:00
Speaker 1: now when I come back, I find him still in
27:02
Speaker 1: my place, this sham victim that was crucified for six
27:06
Speaker 1: hours forsooth and rose again from the dead. Padre. I
27:10
Speaker 1: have been crucified for five years, and I too have
27:13
Speaker 1: risen from the dead. What are you going to do
27:16
Speaker 1: with me? What are you going to do with me?
27:20
Speaker 1: He broke down. Montanelli sat like some stone image, or
27:24
Speaker 1: like a dead man, set upright at first upon the
27:27
Speaker 1: fiery torring of the Gatlin's despair, he had quivered a
27:30
Speaker 1: little with the automatic shrinking of the flesh as under
27:32
Speaker 1: the lash of a whip, But now he was quite still.
27:36
Speaker 1: After a long silence, he looked up and spoke lifelessly, patiently, Arthur,
27:42
Speaker 1: will you explain to me? More clearly. You confuse and
27:46
Speaker 1: terrifying me, so I can't understand. What is it you
27:49
Speaker 1: demand of me? The gad Lie turned to him a
27:52
Speaker 1: spectral face. I demand nothing. Who shall compel love? You
27:57
Speaker 1: are free to choose between us two, the one who
27:59
Speaker 1: was most dear to you. If you love him best,
28:02
Speaker 1: choose him. I can't understand, Montenelli repeated wearily. What is
28:08
Speaker 1: there I can choose? I cannot undo the past. You
28:12
Speaker 1: have to choose between us. If you love me, take
28:16
Speaker 1: that cross off your neck and come away with me.
28:19
Speaker 1: My friends are arranging another attempt, and with your help
28:22
Speaker 1: they can manage it easily. Then, when we are safe
28:24
Speaker 1: over the frontier, acknowledge me publicly. But if you don't
28:28
Speaker 1: love me enough for that, if this wooden idol is
28:31
Speaker 1: more to you than I, then go to the colonel
28:33
Speaker 1: and tell him you consent. And if you go, then
28:36
Speaker 1: go at once and spare me the misery of seeing you.
28:39
Speaker 1: I have enough without that. Montenelli looked up, trembling faintly.
28:43
Speaker 1: He was beginning to understand. I will communicate with your friends,
28:48
Speaker 1: of course, but to go with you it is impossible.
28:52
Speaker 1: I am a priest, and I accept no favors from priests.
28:56
Speaker 1: I will have no more compromises, Padre. I have had
28:59
Speaker 1: a enough of them, and have their consequences. You must
29:03
Speaker 1: give up your priesthood, or you must give up me.
29:06
Speaker 1: How can I give you up, Arthur? How can I
29:09
Speaker 1: give you up? Then give up him? You have to
29:13
Speaker 1: choose between us. Would you offer me a share of
29:16
Speaker 1: your love? Half for me, half for your fiend of
29:19
Speaker 1: a god. I will not take his leavings. If you
29:22
Speaker 1: are his, you are not mine. Would you have me
29:25
Speaker 1: tear my heart into Arthur? Arthur? Do you want to
29:29
Speaker 1: drive me mad? The gadfly struck his hand against the wall.
29:33
Speaker 1: You have to choose between us, he repeated once more.
29:37
Speaker 1: Montanelli drew from his breast a little case containing a
29:40
Speaker 1: bit of soiled and crumpled paper. Look, he said, I
29:45
Speaker 1: believed in you as I believed in God. God is
29:50
Speaker 1: a thing made of clay that I can smash with
29:52
Speaker 1: a hammer, And you have fooled me with a lie.
29:55
Speaker 1: The gad fly laughed and handed it back. The delightfully
29:59
Speaker 1: young one is at nineteen to take a hammer and
30:02
Speaker 1: smash things seem so easy. It's that now. Only it's
30:07
Speaker 1: I that am under the hammer. As for you, there
30:10
Speaker 1: are plenty of other people you can fool with lies,
30:12
Speaker 1: and they won't even find you out as you will,
30:16
Speaker 1: Montanelli said, perhaps in your place I should be as
30:19
Speaker 1: merciless as you. God knows it. Can't do what you ask, Arthur,
30:24
Speaker 1: but I will do what I can. I will arrange
30:26
Speaker 1: your escape, and when you are safe, I will have
30:29
Speaker 1: an accident in the mountains, or take the wrong sleeping
30:32
Speaker 1: draft by mistake, whatever you like to choose. Will that
30:35
Speaker 1: content you? It's all I can do. It is a
30:39
Speaker 1: great sin, but I think he will forgive me. He's
30:42
Speaker 1: more merciful. The gadfly flung out both hands with a
30:45
Speaker 1: sharp cry. Oh, that is too much, That is too much.
30:49
Speaker 1: What have I done that you should think of me
30:51
Speaker 1: that way? What right have you as if I wanted
30:55
Speaker 1: to be revenged on you? Can't you see that I
30:58
Speaker 1: only want to save you? Will you never understand that
31:01
Speaker 1: I love you? He caught hold of Montenelli's hands and
31:04
Speaker 1: covered them with burning kisses and tears. Padre, come away
31:09
Speaker 1: with us. What have you to do with this dead
31:11
Speaker 1: world of priests and idols? They are full of the
31:14
Speaker 1: dust of bygone ages. They are rotten. They are pestulate
31:18
Speaker 1: and foul. Come out of this plague stricken church. Come
31:22
Speaker 1: away with us into the light. Padre. It is we
31:26
Speaker 1: that are life and youth. It is we that are
31:28
Speaker 1: the everlasting spring time. It is we that are the future. Padre.
31:33
Speaker 1: The dawn is close upon us. Will you miss your
31:35
Speaker 1: part in the sunrise? Wake up and let us forget
31:38
Speaker 1: the horrible nightmares? Wake up and we will begin our
31:41
Speaker 1: life again. Padre. I have always loved you, always, even
31:46
Speaker 1: when you killed me. Will you kill me again? Montenelli
31:50
Speaker 1: tore his hands away. Oh God, have mercy on me,
31:54
Speaker 1: he cried out, You have your mother's eyes. A strange silence,
31:59
Speaker 1: long and deep and sudden, fell upon them both in
32:03
Speaker 1: the gray twilight. They looked at each other, and their
32:05
Speaker 1: hearts stood still with fear. Have you anything more to say,
32:10
Speaker 1: Montenelli whispered, any hope to give me? No, My life
32:16
Speaker 1: is of no use to me except to fight priests.
32:19
Speaker 1: I am not a man. I am a knife. If
32:22
Speaker 1: you let me live, you sanction knives. Montenelli turned to
32:26
Speaker 1: the crucifix. God, listen to this. His voice died away
32:31
Speaker 1: into the empty stillness without response, only the mocking devil
32:35
Speaker 1: awoke again in the gadfly, call him louder, perchance he sleepeth.
32:41
Speaker 1: Montenelli started up as if he had been struck. For
32:44
Speaker 1: a moment, he stood looking straight before him. Then he
32:47
Speaker 1: sat down on the edge of the pallet, covered his
32:49
Speaker 1: face with both hands, and burst into tears. A long
32:53
Speaker 1: shudder passed through the gadfly, and the damn cold broke
32:56
Speaker 1: out on his body. He knew what the tears meant,
33:00
Speaker 1: drew the blanket over his head that he might not hear.
33:03
Speaker 1: It was enough that he had to die. He who
33:05
Speaker 1: was so vividly, magnificently alive, but he could not shut out.
33:10
Speaker 1: The sound rang in his ears, It beat in his brain,
33:13
Speaker 1: it throbbed in all his pulses. And still Montonelli sobbed
33:17
Speaker 1: and sobbed, and the tears dripped down between his fingers.
33:21
Speaker 1: He left off sobbing at last, and dried his eyes
33:23
Speaker 1: with his handkerchief like a child that had been crying.
33:26
Speaker 1: As he stood up, the handkerchief slipped from his knee
33:28
Speaker 1: and fell to the floor. There is no use in
33:32
Speaker 1: talking any more, he said, you understand, I understand. The
33:38
Speaker 1: gadfly answered with dull submission. It's not your fault. You're
33:42
Speaker 1: godess hungry and must be fed. Montonelli turned towards him.
33:47
Speaker 1: The grave that was to be dug was not more
33:49
Speaker 1: still than they were. Silent. They looked into each other's
33:52
Speaker 1: eyes as two lovers torn apart might gaze across the
33:55
Speaker 1: barrier they cannot pass. It was the gadfly whose eyes
33:58
Speaker 1: sank first. He shrank down, hiding his face, and Montanelli
34:02
Speaker 1: understood that the gesture meant go. He turned and went
34:06
Speaker 1: out of the cell. A moment later, the gadfly started up, Oh,
34:10
Speaker 1: I can't bear it, padrake, come back, come back. The
34:15
Speaker 1: door was shut. He looked around him slowly with a
34:18
Speaker 1: wide still gaze, and understood that all was over. The
34:22
Speaker 1: Galilean had conquered. All night long, the grass waved slowly
34:27
Speaker 1: in the courtyard below, the grass that was so soon
34:31
Speaker 1: to wither uprooted by the spade, And all night long
34:34
Speaker 1: the gadfly lay alone in the darkness and sobbed. End
34:39
Speaker 1: of chapter six of the third part, recording by Darya
34:42
Speaker 1: Labutna