Latest / The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom / 215. When Your Adult Child Walks Away: Overcoming Shame as a Christian Mom

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215. When Your Adult Child Walks Away: Overcoming Shame as a Christian Mom · The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom

• 0:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Christian parenting.
• 0:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey mama, I'm Pamela Hinklman, certified emptiness coach and your listening to the mid-life Mama podcast.
• 0:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: This show is for Christian moms navigating the emptiness, learning how to let go with grace, set healthy boundaries, reconnected marriage, and step confidently into their God-given purpose.
• 0:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Each week I'll coach you through this season with faith-building encouragement, honest conversations and practical tools that you can apply right away to your relationships in your life.
• 0:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: If this episode encourages you, I'd be grateful if you leave a quick rating and review.
• 0:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: It helps other moms find the support they need.
• 0:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: You'll find the link in the show notes, and make sure you're following the podcast, and let's get started.
• 0:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Today, we're talking about something many women experience, but very few feel safe enough to say it out loud.
• 0:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: What happens when your adult child walks away from the faith?
• 1:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: You did the dedication, you prayed the prayers, you drove to youth group and you sat through sermons and believed with your whole heart that your child would follow Jesus and now they aren't.
• 1:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And underneath a heartbreak there's something even heavier.
• 1:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Shame.
• 1:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: A quiet voice that says, you had one job.
• 1:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: If that's you, I want you to lean in today, because shame does not get to write this chapter of your story.
• 1:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to walk you through six perspective shifts that will help you release guilt, reclaim your identity, and trust God again with your wandering child.
• 1:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Take a deep breath, let's begin.
• 1:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: What is a mom to do when the very thing she prayed would never happen, actually happens.
• 1:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: You dedicated that sweet baby to the Lord.
• 1:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: You rock them to sleep, singing worship songs, and you drove them to every church service and youth group.
• 1:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you prayed over their friends, their future spouse, and their faith.
• 2:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And now they have turned away.
• 2:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: And in the quiet of your own heart, heartbreak isn't the only thing you feel.
• 2:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Shame slips in and whispers that you had one job and somehow you failed.
• 2:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: the kind that makes you avoid certain conversations at church.
• 2:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: The kind that keeps you smiling on the outside while unraveling on the inside.
• 2:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because if people really knew, they might quietly decide it was your fault.
• 2:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you suffer in silence.
• 2:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: You cry out to God in the dark, replaying every parenting decision.
• 2:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: You wonder what you missed.
• 2:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Meanwhile, depression lingers at the edges of your otherwise beautiful life.
• 2:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Low self-esteem settles in.
• 2:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Shame becomes a shadow that follows you everywhere.
• 2:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: But what if shame does not get to narrate this chapter?
• 2:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: What if there's another way to see this season?
• 2:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: One rooted in truth, rather than accusation?
• 3:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: What if instead of shrinking back, you lifted your head and declared that God is still writing your child's story?
• 3:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: This painful chapter may actually be an invitation to deeper trust, deeper surrender, and deeper identity in Christ.
• 3:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's look at six perspective shifts that can help you study your heart again.
• 3:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: you and your adult child are autonomous.
• 3:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: This truth can feel almost impossible.
• 3:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: You carry that baby inside your body.
• 3:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: You suede their cries and shaped their earliest years.
• 3:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: And for a long time, they're well-being dependent entirely on you.
• 3:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Of course, it feels unnatural to separate, but adulthood restructures the relationship.
• 3:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your son or daughter now stands before God as an autonomous adult.
• 3:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: They make decisions without consulting you.
• 3:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: They build lives that may not resemble what you imagine, and sometimes that distance feels personal, and sometimes it feels like rejection.
• 4:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yet autonomy is not betrayal.
• 4:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is God's design.
• 4:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, their choices are not a report card on your motherhood.
• 4:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: They are not proof of success or failure.
• 4:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: There are evidence of a free will in motion.
• 4:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when you stop wearing their decisions as a reflection of you, you begin to breathe differently.
• 4:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: You release the illusion of control and remember that their story ultimately belongs to them and to God.
• 4:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Autonomy is not abandonment.
• 4:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's the doorway to sacred freedom.
• 4:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: You would not have chosen this classroom, right Mama?
• 4:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: No mother asked to be refined through watching her child wander.
• 5:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: We would have selected a softer curriculum, and yet, God has allowed this.
• 5:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not to punish you, but to shape you.
• 5:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Pain often reveals what comfort conceals and in this season, he is forming something deeper within you.
• 5:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: growth now looks like maturity.
• 5:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: It looks like recognizing that your family may hold differing beliefs, opinions, convictions, and it means choosing not to panic.
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: It looks like loving someone who does not mirror you.
• 5:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes that feels hard.
• 5:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Surrender becomes essential.
• 5:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: You lay down expectations, you loosen your grip on outcomes, and you trust that God is working in unseen places.
• 5:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: This kind of growth produces stability rather than reactivity.
• 5:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: You become steadier, less brittle, and more anchored in Christ.
• 5:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: painful growth, yes, but holy ground nonetheless.
• 6:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Shift number three, grown children have free will.
• 6:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Surprise, you must stop carrying what was never yours.
• 6:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your adult child has the freedom to choose, and that freedom includes the ability to wrestle, to question, and to even walk away from God for a season.
• 6:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: and that does not mean that you failed.
• 6:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: From the beginning, God created human beings with choice.
• 6:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Love cannot be coerced.
• 6:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: The Lord Himself invites hearts rather than forcing them.
• 6:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: In Luke 15, the prodigal son left a place of security.
• 6:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: The father did not restrain him.
• 6:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: He allowed him to go knowing that you cannot control a heart.
• 6:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: The son's departure was not evidence of parental incompetence.
• 6:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was a free will unfolding.
• 6:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when he returned, he was still a son.
• 6:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Free will means they can wander.
• 7:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: It also means they can return.
• 7:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let that one sink in mama.
• 7:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your role is not savior.
• 7:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your role is mother and God is far more capable of pursuing your child than you are.
• 7:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Are you searching for the perfect gifts to celebrate the special mom's dad's and grads in your life?
• 7:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: We are thrilled to bring back the Christian parenting mom's dad's and grads gift guide.
• 7:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And this addition is the best one yet.
• 7:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Whether you're honoring a loving mom, a devoted dad, or an inspiring grad, we've got you covered with meaningful gifts, they'll truly love.
• 7:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: From Bibles and Study Tools to Encouraging Books, you're guaranteed to find something special for everyone on your gift list this spring.
• 7:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Visit ChristianParenting.org forward slash gifts to explore the 26 mom-dance and grads gift guide today.
• 7:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: The link is also in the show notes.
• 7:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, let's get back to our conversation.
• 7:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Shift number four, God loves them more than you.
• 8:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know you love your child fiercely.
• 8:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: You've invested years of prayer, sacrifice, and devotion.
• 8:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: But your love as deep as it is remains finite.
• 8:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: God's love is not.
• 8:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Before you ever held them, he did.
• 8:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Before they ever made a wrong turn, he sought and loved them still.
• 8:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: His affection does not retract when disappointed.
• 8:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: It does not grow weary, it does not give up.
• 8:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Romans 8 reminds us that nothing can separate us from the love of God, not death or life, not present struggles or future uncertainty, not rebellion, addiction, doubt, or distance.
• 8:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Nothing means nothing.
• 8:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you may feel powerless watching your child make choices you cannot stop, but God is not powerless.
• 8:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you truly believe he loves your child more than you do, fear loosens its grip.
• 8:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: striving softens and trust deepens, the one who loves them most is the one who holds them still.
• 9:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Shift number five, you are called to love them despite their wayward ways.
• 9:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Disappointment will surface.
• 9:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: There will be moments when judgment feels easier than grace.
• 9:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: But we gotta remember judgment creates distance.
• 9:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: It protects your pride, but Christ calls you to love.
• 9:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Love in this season is not permissive, it does not blur truth, it chooses relationship over superiority, it values access to the heart more than winning an argument.
• 9:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you listen instead of lecture, when you ask questions instead of assuming motives, you keep the bridge intact.
• 9:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: You love because Christ loved you first, not because it's easy, not because you agree, and not because everything is resolved.
• 9:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: You love because love reflects your father.
• 10:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: It does not guarantee immediate change, but it keeps the door open.
• 10:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: And in the long run, love wins.
• 10:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Shift number six, settle into your true identity in Christ.
• 10:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Shame loses power when identity is secure.
• 10:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you forget who you are, you will absorb labels that were never assigned to you, but when you remember your position in Christ, accusation begins to shrink.
• 10:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: You are hidden with Christ in God, a joint heir, a daughter of the King, bought at a price, sealed by the Spirit, redeemed and restored, seeded in heavenly places, none of that shifts because your child is wandering.
• 10:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your identity does not wobble when your family story feels complicated.
• 10:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: It does not disappear when someone whispers criticism.
• 10:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: You are secure.
• 10:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let that truth settle deep.
• 11:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let it steady your breathing and quiet the accusing voice that tells you to hide.
• 11:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is who you are, and this is who you are.
• 11:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Lift your head.
• 11:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: The cross has already settled your worth.
• 11:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: When life unfolds differently than you imagined, you are given a sacred invitation to recalibrate under the steady hands of God.
• 11:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: This may not be the story you would have written, but it is not outside his sovereignty or his goodness.
• 11:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: He has still that work in your child's life, and he is still shaping yours.
• 11:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here's your coaching tip of the week.
• 11:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: In each episode, I will give you one actionable step to improve your life.
• 11:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, you can't change everything, but you can take one step to be better.
• 11:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want you to sit with this thought.
• 11:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Grace looks like loving someone that doesn't mirror you.
• 11:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Journal your thoughts and then ask God to show you what love for your wayward child looks like.
• 12:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Mama, you are not alone in this journey.
• 12:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm walking it alongside with you.
• 12:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I'm learning that we do not have to live under shame.
• 12:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: We can live anchored in hope and steady in the love of Jesus.
• 12:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Grace and peace, Mama.
• 12:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: You've got this and God's got you.
• 12:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for spending time with me on the Midlife Mama Podcast.
• 12:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: My hope is that you leave each episode feeling encouraged, grounded, and clearer.
• 12:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Clearer about what you're feeling, what God may be stirring in you, and how to move forward in the season of the empty nest.
• 12:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Through these conversations, I'm not just sharing stories, I'm coaching you, helping you name what's happening beneath the service, challenging the thoughts that keep you stuck and take intentional steps toward peace and confidence as a midlife mom.
• 12:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're ready to go deeper in what personalized coaching support, I invite you to apply for coaching.
• 12:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Coaching is a focused one-on-one space where we work together to gain clarity,
• 13:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Process emotions and discern what God is calling you to in this next chapter.
• 13:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: You'll find the application linked in the show notes and let's stay connected.
• 13:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can find me on Instagram at P-Hinkleman, that's P-H-E-M-K-E-L-M-A-N, or on Facebook at Bammala-Hinkleman, Emptinessed Coach.
• 13:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to figure out the season alone, Mama.
• 13:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Support and direction are possible, and I'm here when you're ready.