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673. The First Piece of Finding Yourself Is Unpacking · Be It Till You See It

0:00
[SPEAKER_01]: In our lives, we walk around carrying everyone else's red shoes, and poked out at beds, and pile of crap.
0:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And you walk around wheelling it with you because you call it identity, you call it belonging, you call it your culture, your religion, your family, your blah blah blah.
0:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And you open up this bag and it's filled with shit, you don't know, so you have no room for new stuff.
0:18
[SPEAKER_03]: Welcome to the be it till you see it podcast, where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring.
0:26
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm also Logan, prize instructor and fitness business coach.
0:29
[SPEAKER_03]: I've trained thousands of people around the world, and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt.
0:37
[SPEAKER_03]: My friends, action brings clarity.
0:41
[SPEAKER_03]: and it's the antidote to fear.
0:44
[SPEAKER_03]: Each week my guess will bring bold, executable, intrinsic, and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and be it until you see it.
0:54
[SPEAKER_03]: It's a practice, not a perfect, let's get started.
1:01
[SPEAKER_03]: All right, be it babe, get ready, get your notes out.
1:03
[SPEAKER_03]: If you're driving, get your ears on.
1:05
[SPEAKER_03]: This is an interview I'm, I was stoked to have.
1:09
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm even more excited for it to be in your ears right now than I could have imagined.
1:14
[SPEAKER_03]: Sherry Tegman is our guest today.
1:15
[SPEAKER_03]: She is the coach for Mavericks, but really truly you high-flying women that listen to this podcast who are going through a pyramid of pause, maybe already there, maybe on the other side.
1:27
[SPEAKER_03]: But when I talk about being until you see it, sometimes you're like, well, who am I now?
1:30
[SPEAKER_03]: We are going to dive into so many different amazing tools, tats, there's going to be nuggets that are going to just go, ah, that hit right where I needed it to.
1:40
[SPEAKER_03]: You will re-listen to this episode.
1:41
[SPEAKER_03]: I know it's great.
1:42
[SPEAKER_03]: We did record during Mercury and Retrograde.
1:44
[SPEAKER_03]: So, there are a couple times where I think there might be a blip in the audio.
1:48
[SPEAKER_03]: I promise you, you didn't miss anything.
1:51
[SPEAKER_03]: So, please bear with the three of those that happen.
1:54
[SPEAKER_03]: It's my team didn't get rid of them.
1:57
[SPEAKER_03]: The magic is here and it's very much worth listening to and real listening to and sharing with a girlfriend of yours needs to hear it.
2:04
[SPEAKER_03]: So here is Sherry Tickman.
2:05
[SPEAKER_03]: Alright, be it babe.
2:06
[SPEAKER_03]: So here's a deal.
2:07
[SPEAKER_03]: I have been kind of stuck in this woman for a bit through the socials and when I saw her and what she raves about I was like, oh, we have to have on the be it pod.
2:17
[SPEAKER_03]: She is exactly what you guys need to hear today and probably repeat this episode.
2:21
[SPEAKER_03]: We haven't had it yet, but I have a feeling there's going to be some nuggets.
2:24
[SPEAKER_03]: You're going to want to listen to it.
2:24
[SPEAKER_03]: So Sherry Tegman, tell everyone who you are and what you rock at.
2:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I would say I feel pressure, but I don't.
2:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just excited.
2:32
[SPEAKER_01]: So thank you for having me.
2:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm very excited to be here and stocking right back.
2:36
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's a lot of finding a friend done the interwebs that sounds and moves like me, but you move better than I do Pilates and all but.
2:42
[SPEAKER_01]: the energy, the excitement and the passion for life, and a lot of realness as well.
2:47
[SPEAKER_01]: So I am a formance coach and a creative business strategist, and I help people unleash the maverick within them.
2:53
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's not being following everyone else's bullshit templates and moving into a space where you're listening to your own gut, you're following your own rules.
3:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And it doesn't mean you're rebelling against anything, and it doesn't mean you have to be angry at everyone.
3:05
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, the stage of life,
3:07
[SPEAKER_01]: and come with a little perimenopausal rage, which is always welcome in my world, but I work with both men and women.
3:12
[SPEAKER_01]: To find a beat of their own drums, so that they don't have to be checking in everyone's yards to see what they're doing and measuring themselves and on-stop, we're not in high school.
3:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't do it in high school.
3:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm certainly not doing it now.
3:23
[SPEAKER_01]: So that is the fire that I like to bring to the world.
3:27
[SPEAKER_03]: I love that and I love how clear you are and what you do and I and I'm sure many people's ears perked up on the menopausal rate.
3:34
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh that's not because I think like one of the things that sort of doing this podcast years ago and I'm like I know who I am and people have been trying to figure out why I'm so confident and really it's just because I do think scared but then like you know you start to get past 40 and you're like why am I freaking out?
3:50
[SPEAKER_03]: Why am I short?
3:51
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
3:52
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
3:54
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
3:55
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
3:56
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
3:58
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
3:58
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
3:59
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
3:59
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:00
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:01
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:02
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:04
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:06
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:07
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:09
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:10
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:10
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:11
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:12
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:13
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:14
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:15
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:16
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:16
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:17
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:17
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:18
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm short.
4:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's so nice of you to call it interesting to get us to know ourselves because I have some other choice words for the state.
4:27
[SPEAKER_01]: While I accepted and rage, it's fascinating and me not to get all metaphysical here and I'm you're going to have to drag me into a chrome face of my life.
4:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't plan on going lightly or gracefully, but
4:40
[SPEAKER_01]: There is the no shit's given point where we do get to course correct and say okay for those of us who did know ourselves or the past 15, 20, 30 years to check in that that's still what we want or the identifications are still valid and accurate and have not expired just because everyone else likes them and they work for everyone else so it's a real face to the fire moment of I say I'm all these things.
5:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I better check in that I still am because I'm too tired and can't remember anything to pretend I'm something that I'm not.
5:12
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think it's a real truth telling phase.
5:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like I said, I'm not planning on getting old and wise, but I will be loud and old and happy and fun.
5:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I just gotta get to this care, remember my name thing and then, you know, carry on to the next step.
5:26
[SPEAKER_03]: the other day.
5:27
[SPEAKER_03]: I saw this thing and the guy was on Instagram and the guy was like, hey, you meet someone who's 41995 and they're 30 years old and you're like, that's interesting.
5:35
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm 30 years old and then I'm like, oh, you're right.
5:38
[SPEAKER_03]: And then I was like, wait, oh, I'm not.
5:40
[SPEAKER_03]: I just keep thinking that I am.
5:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, my eldest son turned 26 and I am not okay because I'm 22.
5:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm not good at math, but that is not math.
5:52
[SPEAKER_01]: That is not math.
5:52
[UNKNOWN]: That is not.
5:53
[SPEAKER_03]: So you said we have to like check in with ourselves and I think that that is like a brilliant thing that no one has told us to do right like as you grow up everyone's like what do you want to be when you grow up and then you go to school to be that thing and you're like check the box and I think all the high flyers are good box checkers like check this box and check that box and and so we've checked all the boxes and then we get to a place it's like but how do you check in like you add more boxes what what did you do share you like how do you check in to see if these are the things you still want.
6:24
[SPEAKER_01]: For me, I had, I have declared the box as many times because for the first 33 years of my life, I fit very well into the boxes I was supposed to that I was given, and I did a great job, and I was funny about it, and zesty about it, and miss bubbly, and head cheerleader, and exactly what you think I was like, get 18.
6:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I still am like a 51.
6:44
[SPEAKER_01]: And I went through a really rough divorce, so my early 30s, as a mom of two kids,
6:50
[SPEAKER_01]: After a couple of years of survival and just knowing what I didn't want, which is a very painful, beautiful process I can say now later, that not knowing what I want, Liz Gilbert had a great I saw an interview and I love her in my head, she's my best friend, but she just doesn't know yet, so we'll let her with my butt.
7:09
[SPEAKER_01]: My bestie Liz said on this podcast, she went through an
7:15
[SPEAKER_01]: everything became not this, not this, not this.
7:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Most of us think we have to know what we want and you said it.
7:21
[SPEAKER_01]: We're asked when we're younger, what do you want to be?
7:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I have no idea what the hell I want to be.
7:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I have no idea what the things are my options.
7:28
[SPEAKER_01]: So I can pick something off the serial shelf and not know what's inside.
7:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And then because I said it, I then went to school for it.
7:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I wore the T-shirt for it and I told everyone about it.
7:38
[SPEAKER_01]: And I posted on social media about it.
7:40
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't not do it now.
7:41
[SPEAKER_01]: So, we wear these costumes for a while and then they start getting tight and uncomfortable and not because of the Perryman puzzle weight.
7:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, internally.
7:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
7:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you say, wait, am I allowed to put it down?
7:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Is the question I asked myself?
7:54
[SPEAKER_01]: So, in this not this phase, at the end of my divorce, with these two amazing kids that I love, I then free myself from a situation and I saw black because I had no idea who I was and I had no idea what I wanted.
8:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I hadn't gotten
8:07
[SPEAKER_01]: up to asking myself that question, probably for the first time in my life at 34, terrifying, highly don't recommend.
8:16
[SPEAKER_01]: But we got here.
8:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I think at that point, I stripped away everything that I knew and said, well, if none of this was true, what if I could be anything?
8:25
[SPEAKER_01]: So,
8:26
[SPEAKER_01]: and to the maverick was born.
8:27
[SPEAKER_01]: After, I mean, I make it sound really nice and allow drawing on the floor and break down in the therapist's office.
8:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And I had like, hi, Tris, call me Scrappy.
8:36
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, you don't need meds, you're Scrappy.
8:38
[SPEAKER_01]: You'll be fine.
8:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I blew up at him and I don't react to anyone on the phone, I was like, I get a reward for being able to constantly be in survival mode.
8:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Americans brace yourself.
8:50
[SPEAKER_01]: He re-funded me my $250 which does not happen in our country.
8:55
[SPEAKER_01]: No, because it was so apologetic that he pissed me off so much.
8:59
[SPEAKER_01]: He probably got all the rage that everyone in my life until then had not gotten it was me.
9:04
[SPEAKER_01]: So the long answer is,
9:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I checked in and all of a sudden nothing felt like me and while that was scary, it was so liberating because I didn't have to fit new stuff into an old package.
9:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, we, let's just turn the whole thing upside down and I rebuilt what I wanted and put the right things back in the drawer instead of who's this sock, like an example I always use is I think the first
9:29
[SPEAKER_01]: piece of finding yourself as unpacking.
9:31
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's say you go on a girl's weekend with a bunch of friends and the last night's a little blurry.
9:37
[SPEAKER_01]: No one remembers how they got to the airport.
9:39
[SPEAKER_01]: You get home.
9:40
[SPEAKER_01]: You open your polka doted suitcase and there's a red shoe.
9:43
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't have a roof.
9:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you go into the WhatsApp group?
9:46
[SPEAKER_01]: You're like, hi guys, has everyone thrown up yet?
9:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Anyone's red shoe does this belong to anyone?
9:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Of course you know it's not yours.
9:53
[SPEAKER_01]: But in our lives, we walk around carrying everyone else's red shoes, and poked out at beds, and pile of crap, and you walk around wheeling it with you, because you call it identity, you call it belonging, you call it your culture, your religion, your family, your blah blah blah, and you open up this bag and it's filled with shit, you don't know, so you have no room for new stuff.
10:11
[SPEAKER_01]: So you and I come into the world with all this passion, all this excitement, and everyone's hands are filled, wondering, where do I put
10:22
[SPEAKER_01]: and you have to understand why you keep repacking the same thing in order to then get a chance to make any choices.
10:29
[SPEAKER_03]: I love that long answer so much because it's like the simple like the the part that we all wanted to hear was like the short answer.
10:36
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, just do these three things.
10:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't do it because I don't believe it.
10:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And I used to listen to it and cry and think I was broken because I don't have that availability.
10:44
[SPEAKER_01]: So more what do I do?
10:46
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
10:46
[SPEAKER_03]: And I also like think and it's like that guy gave that money back.
10:49
[SPEAKER_03]: I came believe I was a guy and he gave his money back.
10:51
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, I can't believe he's a man who told you you don't need drugs.
10:53
[SPEAKER_03]: But I can't believe he's apologizing to my because one of the things like I it like is nails in a chalkboard when someone goes, oh, you're just so resilient.
11:03
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm like, hmm.
11:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to be resilient anymore and I need that one up because I know and I know you all appreciate it, but it's killing me from the inside.
11:13
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm tired of being resilient all of you or anymore.
11:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, because we're appreciating it.
11:19
[SPEAKER_03]: Right, because also like of course, as a business owner, as someone who's still like making the money we need to make till we're retired and living our best life, resiliency is great in my day-to-day like operating my business.
11:30
[SPEAKER_03]: But like being resilient in my friendships and my family ships and all that stuff,
11:34
[SPEAKER_03]: No, because then you don't ever check on me.
11:36
[SPEAKER_03]: No one checks on me.
11:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I know, so we don't know how to ask for help yet, then, because it's already uncomfortable and there's no room for it.
11:43
[SPEAKER_01]: So you're like, hmm, what can I, no, can't, no, okay, can't ask you because I'm holding your red shoe.
11:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't ask you because I'm holding your red shoe.
11:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And I never learned how, so I guess I'm the red shoe holder now.
11:54
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay, so but then like so we we have to I love the not this and I love the unpacking.
12:01
[SPEAKER_03]: I think that that is so key.
12:02
[SPEAKER_03]: It's I mean, like, you know, there's something I want to I want to do in our business and it requires letting go of some other things like you can't you can't just keep adding to the, you know, it's so then it's an unraveling like, well, what am I letting go of and what what does that look like and and for everyone listening was freaking out.
12:17
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not letting go of the things that you're paying for.
12:19
[SPEAKER_03]: Don't worry.
12:19
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like, don't it.
12:20
[SPEAKER_03]: It was on the fact you know, it's not affecting you.
12:24
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, there's no change in affecting you.
12:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay.
12:27
[SPEAKER_03]: It's affecting the people who were in the past.
12:29
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes.
12:30
[SPEAKER_03]: I know.
12:30
[SPEAKER_03]: It's affecting the people who work for me.
12:32
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not affecting you.
12:35
[SPEAKER_03]: you have to stipulate because people start to freak out like so, but thankfully I understand that, right?
12:42
[SPEAKER_03]: Like the old me would have been like, okay, let's just, let's just, let's just add these, oh, undo that, expanders at burn, like shove, let's shove this in.
12:50
[SPEAKER_03]: So I love that I know that about myself now and I think that that is the real key.
12:54
[SPEAKER_03]: But I think, you know, you share, you got to figure that out kind of in your 30s and so and like,
13:00
[SPEAKER_03]: I find that a lot of people are figuring out in perimenopause as they're freaking out and don't know themselves.
13:05
[SPEAKER_03]: The now they have to unpack.
13:06
[SPEAKER_03]: And that's a, I find I feel nervous for that because it is at a hard time to like relearn who you are or is it the best time to relearn her you are.
13:14
[SPEAKER_03]: Both.
13:15
[SPEAKER_01]: It's hard and the best time because as crazy as this sounds because from a neuroplasticity place, we can't hold on to as much of the story as we did because of the
13:28
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a release valve comes, but what's terrifying about it is we never had it before.
13:33
[SPEAKER_01]: So the feeling of loss of control is one that makes us want to grip to the old story.
13:38
[SPEAKER_01]: My old identity, the things that I achieved in my job before the younger people came in and take it or a technology is changing or my kids no longer think I'm cool or I've been with my husband 40 years, I can't even hear him chew anymore.
13:49
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, like all the things that we hear from this rage that they don't realize is coming from
13:54
[SPEAKER_01]: a lack of tolerance, the tipping point in themselves of what they've made okay for themselves for all these years.
14:00
[SPEAKER_01]: So it comes out in a burst because
14:03
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not going to come out at any other way.
14:05
[SPEAKER_01]: There's not going to be everyone at 2 p.m. Everyone open up their computers, scream, and then close it and will all feel better.
14:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I feel like we should start this.
14:13
[SPEAKER_01]: The world will be a much better place.
14:14
[SPEAKER_01]: But since we have it, we wait until everything is chaotic, and we hate everything, and then we have to start looking at it.
14:22
[SPEAKER_01]: So the kind of stuff I teach when I teach with femininity and with a lot of my private clients is
14:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Just starting to ask yourself better questions instead of assuming it's only this one category of life.
14:33
[SPEAKER_01]: It gives you more permission to be creative.
14:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I think if we move from fear to curiosity, we ask better questions we get better answers.
14:41
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't mean I'm asking anyone to change anything yet.
14:43
[SPEAKER_01]: But what was the last time you made a decision that fit for you?
14:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I know it hurts, because even as I teach it, I'm like, brace yourself girls because we're going in and I'm going in there with you.
14:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my God, I haven't made a decision for myself or I didn't think of my partner and didn't think of my team or I didn't think of my kids or I didn't think of what my family's going to think.
15:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
15:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know the last time I asked myself that.
15:05
[SPEAKER_01]: So then I have someone to start with an easy thing.
15:08
[SPEAKER_01]: What do you want for dinner?
15:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's heartbreaking to ask women in their 40s and 50s.
15:13
[SPEAKER_01]: What she wants for dinner and she looks at you with a blank look because she doesn't know.
15:17
[SPEAKER_01]: She meant ready went to.
15:19
[SPEAKER_01]: What I'll have leftovers for the kids for tomorrow for school.
15:23
[SPEAKER_01]: What did I get from the supermarket that's about to spoil?
15:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I asked what you want for dinner.
15:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And then the tears go.
15:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I know of TV do you want to watch?
15:31
[SPEAKER_01]: What, she'd do you want on the bed?
15:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're talking professional, high achieving women, who just look, neatly blankly it.
15:39
[SPEAKER_01]: No one ever taught me that.
15:40
[SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't allowed to ask a question.
15:42
[SPEAKER_01]: There was no space in my high achieving masculine run life and then emotional vulnerability that have to hide who has space for it.
15:49
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think if we allow ourselves in this perimenopausal phase.
15:54
[SPEAKER_01]: to say the exploration can be curious and creative and playful and fine community to do it in you're not crazy or we're all crazy together and we're just going to figure this out and there's no right or wrong answer and no one is taking anything away from you.
16:09
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's in sovereignty we get to unpack.
16:13
[SPEAKER_01]: You want to hold the red shoe for another three years?
16:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Who right ahead girl?
16:16
[SPEAKER_01]: No one's pulling the shoe away from you.
16:18
[SPEAKER_01]: But if we can slowly untangle, the things that hurt us the most, limit us the most, a lot of the other stuff sorts itself, it just feels like an emergency because we've never asked ourselves the question.
16:30
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
16:31
[SPEAKER_03]: I feel like an emergency because I also think like we are so our brains don't really know how to prioritize different things.
16:36
[SPEAKER_03]: So we the the red shoe and the the leftovers and that big merger you're working on or whatever it is they all take up the same priority level in the brain.
16:48
[SPEAKER_03]: So that's why they feel like that, right?
16:50
[SPEAKER_03]: But I want highlight something you said and tingle and I think that's where a lot of people don't understand that that's such a key word.
16:56
[SPEAKER_03]: I got to study with B.J.
16:57
[SPEAKER_03]: Fog and his and his habits training and he talks about how to break a habit, which is you have to, there's no such thing.
17:03
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not a stick.
17:05
[SPEAKER_03]: You have to unravel it because a habit is something that you no longer like that you do.
17:11
[SPEAKER_01]: like, I don't know how to make habits.
17:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, oh, sure you do.
17:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Where's your chocolate habit?
17:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Where's your phone scrolling habit?
17:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you're an epic master at your habits.
17:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone needs different.
17:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Who is it?
17:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Where why?
17:25
[SPEAKER_03]: Where why?
17:25
[SPEAKER_03]: Where you're, it literally is a brainwiring thing.
17:28
[SPEAKER_03]: And so untangling those things.
17:30
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's true.
17:30
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, when you can figure out, okay, I would like to untangle that I have, I don't get to choose what I'm having for dinner.
17:37
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, then it becomes
17:39
[SPEAKER_03]: you get to figure out, well, where did it start?
17:41
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, actually, maybe everyone, you've been thinking about everyone, everyone's for dinner, and they actually thought you were thinking what you wanted for dinner.
17:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And also, you're dead on and it's a more gentle process.
17:53
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not like you walk into the family and say, you can all fuck off and make your own food.
17:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I want pasta and they will look at you like, did you bang your head and then that Perry menopuzzle terror on everyone else
18:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And everyone pick a night like they're gentle ways to do this.
18:09
[SPEAKER_01]: I actually want everyone to make some decisions in this house teenagers that feel empowered, a partners that included you get to pick or guess what you're allowed to eat something different than everyone else.
18:20
[SPEAKER_01]: It's most of these parameters we put on ourselves when we blame everyone else because we didn't ask.
18:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah, it's okay.
18:27
[SPEAKER_03]: No, I lost, I'm laughing so hard.
18:29
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay.
18:29
[SPEAKER_03]: So my husband, he's amazing at doing projects at night.
18:33
[SPEAKER_03]: Like he like,
18:34
[SPEAKER_03]: Like the sun goes down, I go to bed and he is like, you know, he seems a midnight gardener or like he puts together something or right before I turn this on.
18:43
[SPEAKER_03]: He's like, hey, did you see the thing I did in your office?
18:44
[SPEAKER_03]: Like he put all the cords, you know, all the cords and like a little sleeve.
18:47
[SPEAKER_03]: So like it's nice.
18:49
[SPEAKER_03]: I know we love him.
18:50
[SPEAKER_03]: Love.
18:51
[SPEAKER_03]: Last night he was doing the same thing in the night before the night before I slept like the dead I got like a 90% recovery last night one 14.
18:59
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm hearing this ah Like it's like drilling and I am like did I get up and go hey?
19:05
[SPEAKER_03]: That's I just woke up to that no instead Do you know I did I sat there for 15 minutes going when the fuck is he gonna be done?
19:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Why is he going on?
19:14
[SPEAKER_03]: I put you in my head and then I marched down the hall like what the fuck are you doing?
19:20
[SPEAKER_03]: Why?
19:21
[SPEAKER_03]: This is a good idea.
19:23
[SPEAKER_03]: Why are you joining this?
19:23
[SPEAKER_03]: And he's like, I did this last night.
19:27
[SPEAKER_03]: But like, I didn't wake up last night and I was like, well, Clio's in a different part of my rib cycle.
19:31
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm clearly in a different part of my cycle right now.
19:35
[SPEAKER_01]: We just blown.
19:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I am no longer who I was yesterday.
19:38
[SPEAKER_01]: You should have known that.
19:40
[SPEAKER_03]: Hello, but like it's this funny thing because we we do take on so much, and we wait and tell it's the Perry monologue blojan to say what we're thinking instead of like I thought at at the moment I woke up I thought what is that noise?
19:54
[SPEAKER_03]: And if I had just been in it's a dance it could have been oh, hey, instead of like the And then of course nicely, but now I didn't sleep because I was not going to finish you were finished.
20:04
[SPEAKER_01]: You're still processing
20:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, you know, it comes like someone doesn't throw out a tissue and the whole house you're on fire just because you didn't say 14 other things because Oh, it's fine.
20:14
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not it's no longer fine ladies.
20:16
[SPEAKER_01]: None of nothing's fine.
20:18
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to find our voices.
20:20
[SPEAKER_01]: be kind and realize we taught everyone else how to treat us so we don't get to be mad at them.
20:26
[SPEAKER_01]: We get to teach them what the next version of us needs and most of us have no idea.
20:29
[SPEAKER_01]: So we get to sit down with our children and we get to sit down with our partners and our friends and our family members as terrifying as it is and say,
20:37
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a new sheriff in town and I'm just getting to know her and I need a little grace and I like I know from my partner I'm not speaking for him, but I could see the relief on his face when I'll actually say what I'm feeling instead of him trying to guess which mood I'm in or I say I have no idea what I need and he's so relieved because then he doesn't have to figure it out right.
20:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Like the people who love us just want us better, it's it over yet.
21:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I wish it was over.
21:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't have gold.
21:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just 51.
21:04
[SPEAKER_01]: It does, I don't know when it ends.
21:07
[SPEAKER_03]: I know that's the fun part.
21:09
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like, and also, and also, if you care about your heart health ladies, you want to keep it going for a really long time.
21:17
[SPEAKER_03]: So then you better figure out how to talk about what you need and how to manage as the not the word I want, because I don't like the way that it sounds, but like navigate or dance with all of this change, because once you are on the other side of this and your brain has changed and all the things, then you get to worry about your heart.
21:35
[SPEAKER_03]: So I'm just gonna say, like you
21:38
[SPEAKER_03]: I want to link them this out and figure out who you want to be.
21:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Also, what an opportunity.
21:44
[SPEAKER_01]: I know it sounds ridiculous, but I like to take the funny side of life.
21:48
[SPEAKER_01]: If we already feel like shit, why don't we start unpacking when we already feel like shit?
21:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to wait till I feel better to then figure it out.
21:55
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll be much more honest with myself.
21:57
[SPEAKER_01]: If I have frustration, it's like, you know what?
21:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to do that anymore.
22:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Even though I've done it every Tuesday for the past 20 years, I'm good.
22:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to apologize for it.
22:07
[SPEAKER_01]: No is a complete sentence.
22:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't have to be unkind, but I'm done.
22:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm done with that task at work.
22:13
[SPEAKER_01]: People then learn new boundaries, and weirdly, they adjust faster than we do.
22:17
[SPEAKER_01]: No one else stays up at night worrying about this.
22:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, she wants something different.
22:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Cool.
22:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, God, I should have said that 20 years ago.
22:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Why didn't I say that 20 years?
22:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
22:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
22:25
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, and that's, that is, I think we're a lot of people get stuck, it's like, why, why, and it's like almost like, that is worth exploring and also in the meantime, just start sticking up for yourself now.
22:36
[SPEAKER_03]: Wascissile.
22:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And I find a lot of my clients both men and women are so terrified to put down what they've been doing because if they realize that it's much easier to get unstuck than it was to get stuck.
22:48
[SPEAKER_01]: They're mortified at how long they tortured themselves in mindset, in their performance, in their roles, and what they may true, I could just decide tomorrow not to be stressed about that.
23:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Obviously, there's won't do it.
23:01
[SPEAKER_01]: But then what do I do with the 20 years of torture?
23:04
[SPEAKER_01]: That's I have to reconcile that I lost that time or I gave that away or I let someone else make decisions for me.
23:12
[SPEAKER_01]: It's painful, but we don't have to sit in it, acknowledge it and say I'm not going to lose any more days.
23:16
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah, I guess like, do they need to, I mean, do they need to fill the pain?
23:22
[SPEAKER_03]: Do they need to grieve?
23:22
[SPEAKER_03]: How do they, what is the best way to acknowledge it so that they can, you know, keep going with the new way and be satisfied in that?
23:30
[SPEAKER_01]: I love the question because most people think I can't do that.
23:33
[SPEAKER_01]: You have no choice if you want to get there.
23:35
[SPEAKER_01]: I believe that equal to the level of joy and fulfillment in peace you want, you have to be willing to go as deep as you want to go high.
23:44
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't get to close
23:46
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, the arrow is going to stretch without pulling it back.
23:49
[SPEAKER_01]: So I like to call it the glorious end.
23:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I can be pissed off and ready.
23:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I can be terrified and excited.
23:55
[SPEAKER_01]: I can be sad and
23:57
[SPEAKER_01]: related about something.
23:59
[SPEAKER_01]: So if I don't allow the emotion, the emotion will sneak up on me when I don't want it.
24:04
[SPEAKER_01]: It will come out in the who put the empty cereal box back in the cabinet.
24:08
[SPEAKER_01]: It'll come out at work when it should have come out at home in vice versa.
24:12
[SPEAKER_01]: It'll come out in too small a new decision because I don't have the bandwidth to make the real decision I want.
24:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Why would we make waste more energy?
24:20
[SPEAKER_01]: So for me, I tell everyone, men and women,
24:24
[SPEAKER_01]: on chepillo crying a pillow right it out burn it out whatever your ritual needs to be dance it out bang it out i'm actually coming out with a journal in a few months that is
24:34
[SPEAKER_01]: basically it's called the maverick way of field guides coming undone on purpose and every exercise is more ridiculous than the next one and it's like the fuck it resumes one of them like what are the things you're terrible at right it out like we have to tell the truth we can't pretend to only have the highlight real and then feel like a human being I am awful at some things which reminds me why I'm so good at other things then I've got my own way I don't know what I want of course you don't know you don't know who you are you're not willing to say I'm not good at
25:02
[SPEAKER_01]: yeah knowing that bothers me that makes me cry am I too much okay am I too little for someone else okay we have to take all of these rules away feel what we need to feel and say I know that not make you may not make you said Leslie but I've been thinking about this for 40 years and I need to sit in this for a couple of hours and just grieve what I made okay or mourn what I lost the conversations I didn't have the jobs I didn't get the pain I allowed myself because I didn't want to hurt anyone else I
25:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow, that hurts.
25:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And we get tired of the feeling very quickly when we let it see if, when you avoid it, it will chase your ass everywhere and pop up when you don't want it.
25:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I am going to grieve because it's part of my process of making space for something new.
25:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm unpacking.
25:47
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm unpacking and I'm understanding in my unpacking.
25:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm really angry at my third grade teacher because she told me that I couldn't do something and I believe they're for the next 30 years and she wouldn't even remember who I was.
26:00
[SPEAKER_01]: So I already think it.
26:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I might as well let myself let it come up, journal it out, write it on the wall, scream it, throw it, laugh at it, whatever you need.
26:08
[SPEAKER_01]: You get a freedom, there's just a release.
26:10
[SPEAKER_01]: As soon as you ever release just like in our bodies,
26:13
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, Pilates yoga, what do you do?
26:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Breathe deeper into it.
26:16
[SPEAKER_01]: So it releases.
26:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Great bit.
26:18
[SPEAKER_01]: You're all in grip.
26:19
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's a Chinese finger.
26:21
[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.
26:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
26:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
26:23
[SPEAKER_01]: So how do we get out of where we're trapped?
26:25
[SPEAKER_01]: We release.
26:25
[SPEAKER_01]: We go deeper in and then we can come out.
26:27
[SPEAKER_01]: It's down scary, but if we don't judge emotions for right or wrong, we just feel what it needs to feel.
26:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't need it in.
26:34
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, I love this so much and also are you going to do a bucket retreat because you could do a bucket retreat where we could have rooms with pillows and the smash rooms and then we could have those like those bone booths you could just scream in And then a nap room for all of the exhausted rage.
26:50
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes.
26:51
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh my god.
26:51
[SPEAKER_03]: This is like this all I could just be a bucket space and people could just be members.
26:56
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, I love this every month.
26:58
[SPEAKER_03]: There's a new way to let it go, you know what I'm and I interviewed this guy who like created these boosts for hospitals where like nurses our doctors could go in and I think he said it was just so they could have some peace and quiet because hospitals are really loud and all I could think is like you could scream in there
27:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I would quote it.
27:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Are you telling me it's soundproof?
27:18
[SPEAKER_03]: So you won't know what I'm doing in there.
27:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
27:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
27:20
[SPEAKER_03]: Thank you.
27:23
[SPEAKER_03]: I know.
27:23
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, this in Vegas, there's a place where you can go and like smash things and I'm like, You can go.
27:28
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm ready to try kids to one in New York.
27:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's the greatest thing I've ever done in my whole life.
27:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
27:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I did a few years ago.
27:34
[SPEAKER_01]: My kids and I are still talking about it.
27:36
[SPEAKER_01]: It was.
27:37
[SPEAKER_01]: So powerful and it was very meditative and I never felt stronger in my life.
27:42
[SPEAKER_01]: We were running in the streets afterwards, kicking garbage cans, which maybe they should have a restroom afterwards, because we were so honest up like a waiting area, like every entry.
27:53
[SPEAKER_03]: We're going to integrate before we let you on the streets of Brooklyn, lady.
28:00
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh my god, I love that so much.
28:03
[SPEAKER_03]: Obviously like you work with these amazing mavericks and and you do have a lot of experience and you talk all that Paramount of us is there anything that you find in the Paramount of us space with women because that's we have a lot of and we have you know We have a women who are on the other side and enjoy your space ladies.
28:16
[SPEAKER_03]: I hope you're over in a great time I'll get the commonest best as we can But is there are there signs and symptoms that people are ignoring because I think like everyone pays attention to the medical ones
28:28
[SPEAKER_03]: the hot flashes or dryness or my whatever but like what about like the emotional and that's one of the things out I think there's these these things that come out in our personalities.
28:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's that it's those days you feel like jekyll and hide and then you're counting your cycle and you're wondering it's not physical it's the emotional.
28:47
[SPEAKER_01]: shorter views, care about less things because sometimes we're more emotional and other times we're equal amounts of completely numb.
28:55
[SPEAKER_01]: So when you feel yourself numbing out, notice when you feel yourself ragey about something you didn't care about before or I know for me the lack of control when a brain fog comes in I'm obviously creative and very cerebral and very verbal and when I can't remember my name or remember how to say the word pink.
29:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I get terrified.
29:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought I had dementia.
29:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know this was a thing.
29:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I was at something's wrong with me.
29:19
[SPEAKER_01]: So noticing when you just don't feel like yourself, like, I remember what I was pregnant with my first son.
29:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I was 24.
29:26
[SPEAKER_01]: What the hell was I doing?
29:27
[SPEAKER_01]: But okay.
29:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I was 24.
29:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Shouldn't have been allowed to cross the street by myself.
29:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And I didn't lose him.
29:31
[SPEAKER_01]: He's great.
29:32
[SPEAKER_01]: We were figuring things out as we go.
29:34
[SPEAKER_01]: But we have these books, what to expect when you're expecting.
29:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Never read them.
29:40
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't have the symptoms that week.
29:42
[SPEAKER_01]: You think something's wrong.
29:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And the last time I checked a woman's body, you and I could be next to each other, we don't have anything that's the same.
29:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Why the hell would I follow someone else's blueprint?
29:51
[SPEAKER_01]: For life, pregnancy, for business, for relationships, I don't want blueprints.
29:55
[SPEAKER_01]: I want terror威 sheets, where I can make it up and then throw it out when I'm done.
30:00
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you feel something that isn't you and you're not sure how you feel about it, because some of us like that all of a sudden I care less or that I can't remember every detail about some gossip someone told me that I don't not interested in, I kind of like that it blows out.
30:15
[SPEAKER_01]: So when I started noticing the difference,
30:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I was scared, I only paid attention to the bad things.
30:22
[SPEAKER_01]: But when I found out I wasn't dying, I didn't lessedly didn't have dementia.
30:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just lucky enough to graduate to the next video game of the mother of womanhood, EA, and the new monsters are coming.
30:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I try to look at what are the good things.
30:36
[SPEAKER_01]: And I do that with all the femme jeopardy women is what do you like in the midst of it?
30:41
[SPEAKER_01]: That I can't juggle as much as I used to.
30:43
[SPEAKER_01]: So I used to be Queen Multitasker and I can't do it anymore and it's okay and it's actually really nice for my nervous system not to be the master of all that all times like I don't have that valve anymore I can enjoy that that when I want to be present I can actually feel more present because I can't.
31:01
[SPEAKER_01]: be on as much as I used to be.
31:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I care less about a lot of things.
31:05
[SPEAKER_01]: So I will speak out for myself, not as much as I'd like to, but much more than I used to because I can't keep it in anymore.
31:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I just comes out of my mouth like who, who said that?
31:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I would never use to say that.
31:18
[SPEAKER_01]: So look at the pros and cons of this.
31:20
[SPEAKER_01]: If we're on this roller coaster, instead of just gripping the bar, maybe we could put our hands up once in a while.
31:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe we can enjoy the view from at the top of it before we drop.
31:29
[SPEAKER_01]: So what are the things that if you could let go of that you've never been able to your whole life?
31:35
[SPEAKER_01]: What if this is the opportunity to loosen some of the glue, move some of those joints and let it out anyway in the wash because it's going.
31:41
[SPEAKER_01]: So we don't have to hold everything.
31:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And new hobbies, things that I haven't made the time for that my brain can use as new instead of I used to be good at this and I'm not anymore.
31:52
[SPEAKER_01]: What else do I want to try?
31:53
[SPEAKER_01]: So I travel a lot for work.
31:55
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm in London for a month, New York for a month alternating.
31:59
[SPEAKER_01]: So I try to let my brain be a different version of me wherever I am because
32:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm jetlagged and exhausted even if I didn't go anywhere.
32:05
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like, okay, which version is going to be me?
32:08
[SPEAKER_01]: So like, I'm in London now.
32:10
[SPEAKER_01]: When I go home, I saw a three hour DJ class.
32:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not a musician.
32:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not nothing about it.
32:15
[SPEAKER_01]: But my brain wants something new to chew on.
32:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Instead of all the mistakes that I've made and all the things that I can't remember and where did I put my keys?
32:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to go use it for something fun.
32:26
[SPEAKER_01]: If it's facing there, because I can't remember anything, I might as well put something good in there.
32:30
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think it's the permission to let it flow out of you, good and bad at the same time, and just say, you're moving anyway.
32:38
[SPEAKER_01]: So you know when you move house, like, while it's emotional and sad, you find shit, you didn't even know was there.
32:45
[SPEAKER_01]: So the piles for donation and the clearing out of the 14 mugs, you got it, someone's bar missed for that you don't need.
32:52
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a great time to let stuff go.
32:54
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't have to pack it all and bring it to the next place.
32:56
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think if you look at it as a time of decluttering and re-spiting, those mental symptoms can be less scariest, not, oh, I'm gone.
33:06
[SPEAKER_01]: No, that version of me doesn't want to be here anymore, because if it did, I'd find a way to keep her.
33:11
[UNKNOWN]: Yeah.
33:12
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
33:13
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh.
33:14
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay.
33:15
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm obsessed with you and all this and there is the woman who's listening like, okay, well, easy.
33:20
[SPEAKER_03]: Easy for you to say, you know what I mean?
33:22
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, what do you say to the person who's like, kind of, and I'm sure you've met them.
33:26
[SPEAKER_03]: They kind of fight to, to, to, to hold.
33:28
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, we don't talk about this.
33:30
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what I'm going to choose.
33:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I am her.
33:32
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was the biggest train wreck in this of anybody.
33:37
[SPEAKER_01]: I've got two kids in their 20s.
33:39
[SPEAKER_01]: My mom, who's my best friend, passed away a year and a half ago.
33:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I work internationally, so I never know a time zone I'm in, and then Perry Menopause hits.
33:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm four, 11, and gained about 45 pounds overnight.
33:50
[SPEAKER_01]: So I looked like a little blueberry.
33:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't, like I don't know what everything changed at once.
33:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm a fighter on the psychiatrist told me I'm scrappy.
34:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I still have that personality trait.
34:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't go down easily.
34:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't surrender easily, which is why I'm really good at what I do because I know the resistance.
34:09
[SPEAKER_01]: If 17 years ago me met me now, I would cross the street.
34:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I would never go anywhere near me because I didn't want the help.
34:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't think anything was wrong.
34:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I couldn't handle the silence of my own minds.
34:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I was in survival mode to like, I get it.
34:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I want everyone to know they're looking and listening at a version of two women.
34:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know your backstory, but I know you do the work.
34:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Who do the work?
34:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Which means there was a reason we started the work.
34:33
[SPEAKER_01]: You're seeing involved version of us.
34:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, if you ask the old me, I'm good.
34:37
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll tell you, and people say to me, why do you tell everyone everything?
34:40
[SPEAKER_01]: So they don't put me on some imaginary pedestal, I'm crazy or the new, I'm rageier than you, I have more smooth swings than you, I work with people and I don't like them so much most of the time, I love souls.
34:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't like all the people these stuff, like I'm friendly and then I'm not, I'm an introvert and then I'm an extrovert, I'm on stage dancing, then I don't want to talk to anyone, like I am the whole kaleidoscope.
35:03
[SPEAKER_01]: So we're all the women thinking, oh, but you've got to figure it out.
35:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I made it up as I go along and I make it up every day and people pay me a lot of money to help them make it up also.
35:13
[SPEAKER_01]: So if we make it playful and we make it funny, it's easier to untangle.
35:18
[SPEAKER_01]: It's easier to get out of our shackles because everyone's making it up.
35:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
35:23
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, that's the thing, right?
35:24
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, that's the thing you like discover along your entrepreneurial journey.
35:27
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm like, I'm in a room with all these people who are making all this kind of like, oh, you just bought ads and, yes.
35:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, and you're flying in the bathroom too while I wanted to take a selfie with you because I thought you were I'd rather hug you in the bathroom prime.
35:41
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just even better.
35:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
35:42
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
35:43
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's, and it's really, it's so true, right?
35:45
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, it's like,
35:46
[SPEAKER_03]: more on social media and people can be like the the typewriter troll who's like oh easy and it's like an eye have just come to the place where I'm like I really do like this bucket face and then I'm like no I was homeless 10 years ago and I've worked my ass off to do my dream job you want to talk to me again yeah yeah so I've worked my ass off and so you might think I'm this but I'm gonna tell you right now I deserve everything that I have right now because I work for it.
36:09
[SPEAKER_03]: So don't make that from me and I'm gonna ask you mother's basement and go to someone else exactly so but like it's so fun like I'm like wow the the 10 years ago version me like oh my god people think I'm this When you post there yet.
36:24
[SPEAKER_03]: No, I am holy me.
36:25
[SPEAKER_03]: Sorry everyone.
36:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I
36:27
[SPEAKER_03]: But I do, I'm with you, like I also think that a lot of people who do have, we have put on imaginary pedestals, have told us their traumas and their stories and we only, we, I like, this is, but this, you are the mecca that I need to be and I'm going to do all things and so I think it's really easy for us to just forget that stuff and I appreciate your honesty and I also think thank you for sharing like,
36:49
[SPEAKER_03]: for everyone unless I hope you're hurt, like you just have to kind of get starting to get to know every single day.
36:54
[SPEAKER_03]: You can't wait until you feel ready.
36:56
[SPEAKER_03]: You're not going to feel ready.
36:58
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm sure I'm sure Sherry's never felt I don't feel ready.
37:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't feel ready even when I am ready because I wouldn't even ask myself that question.
37:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, we're doing this then only.
37:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
37:08
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
37:08
[SPEAKER_01]: It's through.
37:09
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
37:09
[SPEAKER_03]: It's so true.
37:10
[SPEAKER_03]: Because like the one time I
37:11
[SPEAKER_03]: I said, okay, people, it was many years ago, but it's the first time I was teaching like 85 people.
37:17
[SPEAKER_03]: And all these people had come to this, a first time as event was happening, so like I was so like, I felt blessed and honored and excited to be invited to this for the inaugural of this thing.
37:26
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm looking at all these people who've like wanted to take class with me and they know what they're doing.
37:30
[SPEAKER_03]: And then I'm looking at this front row of people who just wanted to support me, but they've never done anything.
37:34
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm like, oh my god, I have people who don't know what they're doing.
37:38
[SPEAKER_03]: I people who have this expectation of me that I don't even know what it is.
37:42
[SPEAKER_03]: And my husband was Mikey and me, and I'm like, is a mic on and he's like, no, and I'm like, I'm actually like, really nervous, right?
37:48
[SPEAKER_03]: And I don't think I can do this.
37:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sorry, I'm going to ask you the mic, son.
37:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I'm going to ship myself, but it will be 600 people waiting.
37:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm, I don't want to go.
37:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Who gave me this microphone?
37:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Who thinks I can do this?
37:58
[SPEAKER_01]: And then 20 seconds later, I'm on stage, I'm laughing like nothing happened.
38:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Like we get, bring all of it with us.
38:08
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, well, and also, and that's exactly it and he was just like to me and he just said how is this different than what you already do and I was just like, oh, that's right.
38:16
[SPEAKER_03]: Thank you.
38:17
[SPEAKER_03]: Thank you for their reminder that like it's I'm fine, but I think like it's it's so important that you all hear like we're every person you put on a met a pedestal you hear are they're storing are like, oh my, I'm so inspired.
38:28
[SPEAKER_01]: They wake up every day and have to figure who they are that day, like they all do panic in our stomach some days and the anxiety and I'm not wishing anyone stuff they don't have, but I want you know everyone has their version of this and it's not oh you're so brave.
38:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't have a choice.
38:45
[SPEAKER_01]: So I got brave.
38:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And some days, I'm not brave.
38:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And but unfortunately, I'm a naturally happy said person.
38:52
[SPEAKER_01]: So like I navigate this, we're gonna be today.
38:55
[SPEAKER_01]: I wanna be happy, but I feel sad, but I am happy, but I'm also sad.
38:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I stopped trying to pick one of the other.
39:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm both, I love what I'm out of podcast and like B.J.
39:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Fox sister Linde's a friend of mine we were in a mastermind together years ago.
39:08
[SPEAKER_03]: I got a lot of... She lives on my town.
39:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Linde, you're kidding me.
39:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I love, she's amazing.
39:14
[SPEAKER_01]: How fun, you're in a small world.
39:16
[SPEAKER_01]: That's crazy.
39:17
[SPEAKER_01]: So like, I watched the linders and the BJs of the world and it's brilliant and it's all very organized and it's strategic and it makes sense.
39:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you've got me who is complete, creative chaos.
39:28
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the only way I don't know how to function.
39:29
[SPEAKER_01]: You either love it or I terrify you.
39:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm fine with both.
39:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't not going to change.
39:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I've tried.
39:34
[SPEAKER_01]: This is who I am.
39:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'll be in a podcast, there's a big audience and they're like, so, Sherry, what are your rituals every morning?
39:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And I burst out laughing because I'm not gonna lie down on them, which day, which mood, which temperature, what's it like outside?
39:47
[SPEAKER_01]: What am I wearing?
39:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
39:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I wake up every morning, I decide what I want to feel.
39:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll start with a feeling.
39:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I want connection today.
39:53
[SPEAKER_01]: So,
39:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, my days are crazy and scheduled, and I'm blessed to have a very busy coaching practice.
39:58
[SPEAKER_01]: And I run into a partner for a company in another country like I don't have a lot of flexibility in my time.
40:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And I still have to lead with what I need.
40:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Otherwise, no one else will get anything from me.
40:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And it took me a long time.
40:11
[SPEAKER_01]: to not go into my own performance mode, to help everyone else with their performance.
40:15
[SPEAKER_01]: What?
40:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I stepped into the same step for wife game and I was in my marriage, climbed out of that and I'm like, oh, poach world.
40:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Green juice, yoga pants, alignment words.
40:26
[SPEAKER_01]: What am I wearing?
40:27
[SPEAKER_01]: That's all lovely if it works for you.
40:29
[SPEAKER_01]: That's when the Maverick was born.
40:31
[SPEAKER_01]: It's either going to be my way or I can't do it.
40:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Stop trying to pick up everyone else's way of fitting into your own life.
40:36
[SPEAKER_01]: It won't fit you.
40:37
[SPEAKER_01]: So again, it's that curiosity.
40:39
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a playfulness.
40:40
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the bad mood and good mood mixed together.
40:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Then you're being honest.
40:43
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
40:44
[SPEAKER_03]: It's true.
40:45
[SPEAKER_03]: I am.
40:46
[SPEAKER_03]: I have three hours every morning for a morning routine and the very start of my morning routine is the same I get into a coal plunge every three books that are like daily things that I'm hopeful that something sticks and then I go for walk And then after the walk it's okay
41:03
[SPEAKER_03]: What do I want to do?
41:04
[SPEAKER_03]: Do I want to do Pilates?
41:05
[SPEAKER_03]: Do I want to make a shake plate?
41:06
[SPEAKER_03]: Do I want to do my red light?
41:07
[SPEAKER_03]: Do I want to have breakfast now or breakfast later?
41:09
[SPEAKER_03]: And it has to go with what I'm feeling which is why I gave myself three hours to do that because I like you.
41:17
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, I just discovered I had ADHD, which is its own fun thing to discover.
41:22
[SPEAKER_03]: Pairman Apostle, and then you're like, Oh, I'm the more they teach.
41:25
[SPEAKER_03]: I thought my husband had ADHD.
41:26
[SPEAKER_03]: No, I do.
41:27
[SPEAKER_03]: I was.
41:29
[SPEAKER_03]: I think it's like, wait a minute.
41:31
[SPEAKER_03]: So I'm overwhelmed because of the ADHD.
41:35
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't think he's of all of it.
41:37
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
41:38
[SPEAKER_03]: It's just like, you put him in, I can't.
41:40
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, I'm also freaking out about the typing of the fingers because I just thought that I just had sensory integration disorder.
41:47
[SPEAKER_03]: So it's just, you have to...
41:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Sorry, everyone.
41:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Excuse me.
41:54
[SPEAKER_03]: I just wasn't diagnosed as a child and and here we are and now I get to know myself and paraminopause but I think like I love that you share that because I think that there's a world where you can be in the yoga pants with the green just in the alignment words and it does yes and if it doesn't work for you you can be like share and I and you can ask yourself how you want to feel and give yourself the time to feel bad and I think that that's brilliant.
42:16
[UNKNOWN]: Yeah.
42:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And then have your green juice or take a nap or grade or sleep or meditate like it's all wonderful but none of these things are going to save you from yourself till you lose.
42:25
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
42:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god.
42:26
[SPEAKER_03]: It doesn't work.
42:29
[SPEAKER_03]: I tried it.
42:30
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm obsessed with you.
42:31
[SPEAKER_03]: We're going to take a brief break and find out people can find you follow you work with you and your upbeat action items.
42:35
[SPEAKER_03]: All right, Cherry, where do you hang out?
42:37
[SPEAKER_03]: Where will this journal be when it's ready?
42:39
[SPEAKER_03]: Where can they stalk you?
42:42
[SPEAKER_01]: So I hang out on Instagram.
42:44
[SPEAKER_01]: I am there.
42:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I am allowed sometimes consistent.
42:48
[SPEAKER_01]: This is my consistency.
42:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gone for a week and then you'll see me 14 stories later.
42:53
[SPEAKER_01]: It just depends on the mood when the mood strikes and the ideas come.
42:56
[SPEAKER_01]: The journal will be out.
42:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm hoping in February, which is extremely exciting.
43:01
[SPEAKER_01]: It's being designed now.
43:02
[SPEAKER_01]: by a chaotic designer, which is perfect for me, and I love making new friends.
43:07
[SPEAKER_01]: So they can come and say hi to me on Instagram, it's Shari Tegman.
43:11
[SPEAKER_01]: You'll see me with my crazy glasses.
43:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm known for a variety of glasses.
43:15
[SPEAKER_01]: It only happened because I'm on Zoom all day long, and I get very tired of looking at my face, so I needed to mix it up so that I wouldn't be bored.
43:21
[SPEAKER_03]: So I'm seeing how happy I am to choose.
43:24
[SPEAKER_03]: I just needed some magic to look at.
43:28
[SPEAKER_03]: There were signs
43:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I wouldn't have known it, right?
43:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know where it came from.
43:35
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm there.
43:37
[SPEAKER_01]: This is what I'm like all the time.
43:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I love when someone gets on a call with me.
43:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Like a sales call, like, oh my god, you're exactly like you are online.
43:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Who else could I be?
43:44
[SPEAKER_01]: This is enough trouble to maintain.
43:46
[SPEAKER_01]: You think I'm going to have another personality for someone else?
43:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
43:50
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm exactly like this.
43:52
[SPEAKER_01]: When else answers my messages, I love meeting new people.
43:55
[SPEAKER_01]: I'd love to hear what you got from the podcast.
43:57
[SPEAKER_01]: What you're working on, what's your maverick?
43:59
[SPEAKER_01]: What do you want to say out loud that you won't say it anyone else?
44:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I'm here to witness it, come and play.
44:10
[SPEAKER_03]: Gosh, okay, you have really given us so much already, but we do like our bold executable intrinsic and target steps at the end.
44:16
[SPEAKER_03]: What do you have for us?
44:18
[SPEAKER_01]: So I actually felt long and hard about this, which you should feel special as I do.
44:22
[SPEAKER_01]: I actually really think about anything, because I'll think about it, and then I'll forget it.
44:26
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's not going to go on to, it's just in and out.
44:29
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think based upon everything we talked about, an easy action step to live this is it's a hard one to say out loud, but it's
44:40
[SPEAKER_01]: clean up the internal constriction and it's as simple as you say you want a bigger life but you keep making micro choices.
44:48
[SPEAKER_01]: You're lying to your nervous system.
44:50
[SPEAKER_01]: You're answering an older version of yourself.
44:52
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to understand that the identity that you want for the life that you want is going to require a line to action.
44:59
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's as simple as I say I want to do Pilates every day and yet I find myself laying on the couch.
45:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Pilates isn't happening.
45:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I did it today.
45:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I am tired from jet lag.
45:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a yoga person.
45:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I love it.
45:12
[SPEAKER_01]: And I haven't done it.
45:13
[SPEAKER_01]: So I could tell you.
45:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I love yoga, but I haven't done it in six weeks.
45:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't realize till I said, one's the last time I took my mad.
45:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
45:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, my God.
45:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I would've told you I did it a few days ago.
45:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Every minute puzzle brain.
45:24
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought I did.
45:25
[SPEAKER_01]: So telling ourselves the truth and cleaning up the internal contradictions makes the stop looking for.
45:31
[SPEAKER_01]: answers from the outside of like, how come I just can't do it?
45:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Because you're not telling yourself the truth.
45:36
[SPEAKER_01]: So if I choose to lay on the couch, maybe I needed it that day, maybe I didn't realize that's what I wanted.
45:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Like if I decide to stay on the couch, I do it intentionally.
45:44
[SPEAKER_01]: If I decide to do the yoga, I don't check my phone in between.
45:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Like choose whatever it is intentionally and clean up those internal contradictions.
45:53
[SPEAKER_01]: The questions you ask will be much more
46:00
[SPEAKER_03]: It is a good punch in the face, and I really like it.
46:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I punch myself in the face with a tool like, oh, God, if I say it out loud, I then have to do it.
46:10
[SPEAKER_03]: It's, I, it's so true, and it's really, it's really funny.
46:13
[SPEAKER_03]: You get smart like, then I'll just keep it to my smell.
46:15
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's not an unleashed at one.
46:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Are we?
46:19
[SPEAKER_03]: No, I'm like, I won't tell anyone.
46:20
[SPEAKER_03]: And then they won't know.
46:23
[SPEAKER_03]: Let me know how it goes.
46:24
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
46:25
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, that one is so good.
46:27
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm so glad to have you.
46:28
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, we're gonna have to have you back.
46:30
[SPEAKER_03]: I can't believe we haven't crossed paths because I feel like you are just a dear friend in my life already.
46:35
[SPEAKER_03]: You guys, I agree with Sherry.
46:37
[SPEAKER_03]: What touched you?
46:38
[SPEAKER_03]: What made you think?
46:39
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, what would you go?
46:40
[SPEAKER_03]: Fuck it, Sherry.
46:41
[SPEAKER_03]: Can't believe you called me out.
46:43
[SPEAKER_03]: She wants to know.
46:44
[SPEAKER_03]: I want to know.
46:44
[SPEAKER_03]: So tag her, tag to me up.
46:45
[SPEAKER_03]: Share this with a girlfriend needs to hear it.
46:47
[SPEAKER_03]: Like,
46:48
[SPEAKER_03]: Share for the hood the scrappy front of the Brazilian friend because I know that they need to feel so seen and you know to do until next time, be it till you see it.
46:56
[SPEAKER_03]: That's all I got for this episode of The Beat Tell You See A Podcast.
47:00
[SPEAKER_03]: One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review, and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts.
47:08
[SPEAKER_03]: Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at The Beat Pot on Instagram.
47:13
[SPEAKER_03]: I would love to know more about you, share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it, help us and others be a tell you see it.
47:20
[SPEAKER_03]: Have an awesome day.
47:24
[SPEAKER_03]: Be it till you see it is a production of the blue pod cast network.
47:27
[SPEAKER_03]: If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at plus one three one oh nine oh five five three four or send a DM on Instagram at be it pod.
47:39
[SPEAKER_00]: It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.
47:44
[SPEAKER_03]: It is transcribed, produced, and edited by the epicteam at Desenio.co.
47:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Our theme music is by Ellie at Apex production music, and our branding by designer and artist John Franco Chilfe.
47:55
[SPEAKER_03]: Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.
47:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website.
48:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And finally, the Meredith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.